dancing on the edge of Andromeda
planets of pink trees and blue grass
animals of strange proportions
infinite possibilities of people
strangeness of otherwordly physics
warp tunnels to endless planets
cruising among the space rocks

I wish I was out there
I don't really belong

but
I tell myself I'm already here
a floating blue ball in our little galaxy
into whatever is held in the stars beyond

shadowed faces
muted colors
harsh lamps on dark streets

comforting blackness
echoing steps
soft hum under distant engines

tired eyes
tripping brains
delirious laughter over stumbling sidewalks

spilled secrets
crisp air
intoxicating freedom in inky anonymity

surreal insomnia
liminal spaces
world viewed from a cozy box

it holds onto me
bending my reality
setbacks in sobriety
falling very quickly

I want to drink so bad
feel a burn in my throat
watch the whole world float away
the feeling of the overwhelming
tightening it's grip on my throat
disappear like smoke

I want to smoke so bad
laugh without reasons at all
forget my own existence
touch my hands as if they were not my own
untether myself from the hardwood floor
loosen the ropes of reality

I want to fall so bad
infatuated bubbly giggles at their name
sweaty palms when I look too long
flirty nothings kissed emoticons
teasing looks stolen across the room
sparks running through sober

today it would have been three years with you
three years with one of the most beautiful souls I've ever met
our story got cut short

in another dimension
in another life
we're sitting on a beach warm sand under our feet
we're looking over the city at night lights twinkling like stars
we're biking along the harbour the sea water reflecting in the sun
we're kissing behind the bookshelves in the science fiction section
we're dancing to your favourite songs under the moonlight in the park

your smile bright our love light everything would feel so right but now matter how much I wish it might

you're not here.
happy three year anniversary to what it could have been baby.

you were my prince
a forever lasting fairytale
we were walking on the hill
towards the pink sunset

no one ever talks about what's after the hill.
no one mentions the dark forests
the windy summer
morphing into a frost bitten winter
biting chills
I lost you in the snow
within arms reach
but thick ice between us

I know we tried to melt it.
hug our warm bodies against it
breathing bitter air as water droplets fell
we were so close

but it was too cold.
my prince was forever on the other side
we look through the icicles
catching your sparkly brown eyes
wet with tears
and we smile

one last time.
before walking away to find warmer lands
maybe one day it will be summer here again
windy hot days
the breeze ruffling your dark caramel hair
our touch warm and smiles bright

or maybe there will be a better princess that you will find.

I love you.
I miss you.

severed pieces
bitter cocoa
brittle and misshapen
deformed from the heat
beyond recognition
50 percent off

walk with my head low
black pavement on bright streets
a streaky city sky
musical notes from an alley
buzz of mechanical wings
today i walk alone
the night bleeding into my skin
i really am walking alone

my words are tired
want to be loved
want to be held close as you fall asleep

my words want to have a home
want to be spoken freely
want to be met with open arms

my words want to live in the heart
be written in the teeth of a smile
be spun like wool from the tongue

my words wish to be heard
be embraced by open ears
be whispered in softness

a smack in the face
so quick
I didn't even have time to blink
****.

I am livid
I am mad
I am terrified
I am hateful
I am confused
I am lost
I don't understand

I am sad

once there was a boy
he wanted to be a man
but he misunderstood
he saw these self-proclaimed "men"
stoic big strong
sweep a lady off their feet
smooth as butter on a frying pan
he played dressup
crisp suits and hats

I fear he failed to realize though
he was a man
in fact the manliest of them all

a mark of a man is not
how many women swoon in his presence
the way he walks
the depth in his voice

it's his compassion
to be truly himself
to love fully
of pure heart
for that is the man to rule all men

roses bleed
adorned upon gold leaves
thorns prickle on sheets
fine pinks turn gray
fall into soil
grows again bright pink

as the days go by
and the nights grow cold
I will call you mine
and never let you go

no, I'm not talking about the ones with big noses
or greasy hair

not the ones with bad breath
or round bellies

no, I just like them raw
a little broken, a little sad

the ones with scars
a story to tell

I sure know how to pick em' you might say
but I'd never give them up any day

a whole adventure in a person like the outdoors
one with canyons and mountains he would let me explore
only ugly guys give themselves all at once
no parts hidden, everything is exposed

vulnerability is thought to be a weakness but in reality it's bold

I like ugly guys.

It's hard to write a sad poem
my heart wants to fly
scream words of passion and love
not cries of sadness and pain

lost my touch as a poet
forgotten what's made me angry
I don't need to fret
sparks can be sweet

see the only thing
a poet knows better than saddness
is the longings and whispers
of the tragedy we call love

music flows within
a dance of light and colours
let it control you

Do you like science? Cause I've got my ion you
we're a dance of subatomic particles, you get my cardiovascular system worked up

"Nerd," you declare with a smile sweeter than C6H12O6
I glare at you and giggle louder than 194 decibels, we break all the laws
I'm so attracted to you, scientists will have to make a 5th fundamental force

we fit together like sticky ends of DNA
I fall in love with you every time I see you, faster than my DNA replicates
being in your arms feels like homeostasis, we'll last longer than thorium

I think I'm kinda maybe trying to say
every time light reflects off of you and onto my retina the sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia I get tells me that gulp Iloveyou

I'm flushed from the novelty
I'm elated from the passion

you wake me better than coffee
you sweeten me better than sugar

your words tug at my heart
your whispers short my circuit

your touch sends sparks through my fingertips
your voice rolls off of me like honey

I'm slowly going insane
I'm quickly falling

for you.

I want freedom

I want the freedom to choose
make choices without superficial consquences
leap in a cage with no bars created by unjustified morals
open my ears something I was never quite allowed to hear

I want the freedom to feel
the trivial pressured guilt washed away by the sounds of laughter
staring into the abyss of a lover's eyes without needing to check if his skin was as brown as mine
open my heart to ideas once only spoken in ***** whispers and frowns

I want the freedom to go
walk drunkenly in the ghettos hand in hand with friends
impromptu trips with no questions asked no "who, what, when, where, and why?"
open my eyes to a world hidden behind dusty shutters and broken blinds

I want freedom

it seems so easy to say
the idea of freedom out-weighing the cons
yet I'm afraid to make the hard choice.

Bitter Crystals
told me they weren't edible
a silly fabrication no reason or rhyme
a mixture of 14 letters in a random array
yet each sound capturing a byte of meaning
a thick cloud of metaphors and connections
finding the meaning in the meaningless
told me they weren't edible
Bitter Crystals

I scream and shout over your shoulder
10 decibels too loud yet it's like it never reached your ears, not a single noise
not even the sound of the truth
can't help but wonder
Do you hear me?

take comfort in the fact no scars, no marks were left on my skin, only salty tears
I tell myself sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me
its all a lie protecting myself, telling myself it's okay
Do you feel me?

choke back tears did it really happen if you can't see it?
too many questions dancing in my head, this won't happen again sometimes we all get out of control right
kisses mean nothing, can't even apologize, am I that worthless?
Do you taste me?

making endless excuses I believe, just to remember that the only affirmation of my pain is locked up in the twisted vault of my memories
still wear your favourite red dress and rose perfume only time you're ever happy
Do you smell me?

other days it's like I'm not even there, out of sight, out of mind, just a distant thought within you but you have to remember that I see you!
I see all of you!
like a ghost or I'm invisible I start to float away
Do you see me?

wasted time, regret, a death sentence I condemned
too many questions maybe this is the end
*Did you ever love me?

a perfect time
to change the world
explore exotic places
do something crazy
surprise people
achieve the things your insanity creates

I was looking for the murderer in you
the serial killer
the ******
the thief
the criminal

now I realize I should have looked in the mirror.

A fresh beginning
A new lung full of air
A clear slate
A different set of eyes

I hope you look back and smile

at the millions of happy memories
at the inspiring people you've met
at the laughter you've shared with others
at the amount of care and love you've felt
at the kind words you've shared
at the little things that make this world great

I hope you look forward and realize

how many extraordinary things are going to happen
how many new seeds will be planted
how many brilliant things you will achieve
how many stories will be shared
how many dreams will be reality
how many things make this life worth living

I hope you keep moving forward.

*"We either make ourselves miserable or make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same" - Carlos Castenada"

One day

I'll see your face
touch your lips
hear you speak

and we'll sit there happy and in love
you'll tell me all the ***** things you believe in

kind of seems like a dream right now

One day

I was sad at the prospect
                   that we must have a sad ending

I was afraid I would forget
                 the euphoria of us even slightly touching

It was with a heavy heart
                I said the wretched words "goodbye"

But when I look back at it

The sorrow and tears are gone
                 I'm left with cherished memories

Our ending isn't sad
                 our ending is insignificant

Our story is one that will be alive for **centuries

I found a little ray of sunlight
that was here the entire time.

It was shining right in front of me
and now I can call it mine.

It makes me wonder
how I hadn't noticed it before.

Maybe it was hiding--
it probably was.

But guess what?
I found it.
I found her.
It took a while, but now
we have all the time
in the entire ******* world.

A little ray of light.
My little ray of sunshine.

I believed everything
thick and thin
every word
every breath
every sigh.
Why?

Maybe you were
just
that
convincing,
manipulative.

I believed everything
all your lies.

Dreams* *-> a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep.

My dreams aren't dreams.

They are wishes.

I want them to come true,

I want to put them in action,

but
I'm
scared
sorry
disappointed

How many times does a heart
have to be broken
before it is irreparable?

My mind often makes
Irregular circles
In the dark.

mother
a simple word
complicated meaning

They say poetry is a way to explain the unexplainable
So here I go:

No words
No poem
No gifts

will ever fully show
my gratitude
my love
for you

But every year I try for you

Why?
Because I love you.

My mother
Amma

Pain is not
The break of skin
Or a slap that formed a bruise

But it is
The break of heart
Or the deep dent in a soul

A single tear
could break my skin
when sticks and stones
couldn't.

I come back inside
cold from the windy winter day
worst day to wear a short sleeve
but
you know about my bad decisions

I sit down
hands, face and feet numb

"My hands are freezing!"

I rub them together
no warmth

You watch me
suddenly
grab my hand
interlock our fingers

my heart stops
I cease to breathe
from the cold
or you
I'm not sure

You laugh
I look down

I interlocked my fingers wrong
How did I fail so terribly?
Oops

Readjust

I am happy
and warm

from your warmth
or the rush of unexplainable emotions
I'm not sure

So, hello
My name is Shayla
I have a lot of problems
I am aloof
I am loud
I am crazy to some
But most importantly
I am me.

I can only hold so many
In the palms of my hand