shadowed faces
muted colors
harsh lamps on dark streets

comforting blackness
echoing steps
soft hum under distant engines

tired eyes
tripping brains
delirious laughter over stumbling sidewalks

spilled secrets
crisp air
intoxicating freedom in inky anonymity

surreal insomnia
liminal spaces
world viewed from a cozy box

it holds onto me
bending my reality
setbacks in sobriety
falling very quickly

I want to drink so bad
feel a burn in my throat
watch the whole world float away
the feeling of the overwhelming
tightening it's grip on my throat
disappear like smoke

I want to smoke so bad
laugh without reasons at all
forget my own existence
touch my hands as if they were not my own
untether myself from the hardwood floor
loosen the ropes of reality

I want to fall so bad
infatuated bubbly giggles at their name
sweaty palms when I look too long
flirty nothings kissed emoticons
teasing looks stolen across the room
sparks running through sober

today it would have been three years with you
three years with one of the most beautiful souls I've ever met
our story got cut short

in another dimension
in another life
we're sitting on a beach warm sand under our feet
we're looking over the city at night lights twinkling like stars
we're biking along the harbour the sea water reflecting in the sun
we're kissing behind the bookshelves in the science fiction section
we're dancing to your favourite songs under the moonlight in the park

your smile bright our love light everything would feel so right but now matter how much I wish it might

you're not here.
happy three year anniversary to what it could have been baby.

you were my prince
a forever lasting fairytale
we were walking on the hill
towards the pink sunset

no one ever talks about what's after the hill.
no one mentions the dark forests
the windy summer
morphing into a frost bitten winter
biting chills
I lost you in the snow
within arms reach
but thick ice between us

I know we tried to melt it.
hug our warm bodies against it
breathing bitter air as water droplets fell
we were so close

but it was too cold.
my prince was forever on the other side
we look through the icicles
catching your sparkly brown eyes
wet with tears
and we smile

one last time.
before walking away to find warmer lands
maybe one day it will be summer here again
windy hot days
the breeze ruffling your dark caramel hair
our touch warm and smiles bright

or maybe there will be a better princess that you will find.

I love you.
I miss you.

severed pieces
bitter cocoa
brittle and misshapen
deformed from the heat
beyond recognition
50 percent off

walk with my head low
black pavement on bright streets
a streaky city sky
musical notes from an alley
buzz of mechanical wings
today i walk alone
the night bleeding into my skin
i really am walking alone