you are like the sun
i might be flying too high
wanting you
you are further than i can reach
but close enough to hurt me
i can feel you melting my wax as
i come closer longingly
ignorant of my own doom
because i only realized
how little i knew you
so as i make a last attempt
my own wings tear apart
and i'm left
falling alone

behind monochrome layers of fog,
clouds,
ice,
are beauties of the natural world.
long forgotten and taken for granted,
a variety of reds,
blues,
yellows pile up.
our spectrum -
our prism of crystal glimmers -
fill up our everything.
now,
fading away in my remembrance,
remains nothing but a sheer shine,
a dazzling imagination
filled with extraordinary visions,
replacing the wonderland
outside of it.

daddy used to call me his little warrior
his little princess
his little mulan

princesses have happy endings
so i will have mine too
right?

mulan finds the love of her life
she saves her homeland
my best friend just fell in love with someone else

i stare at my reflection
showing who i am inside
through my smiling facade
all i see is condensed sadness
i see tears

today we learned about the real mulan
she killed herself

i hold a knife
i am my father's princess
but princesses don't all get happy endings

steel meets flesh
blood meets earth

i hate math
not because it's boring
or it requires work
but because it is the thing
that causes my mom and i
to fight
you won't realize this
thinking it's only a shallow opinion
but to me
math is a wall
separating me
from love

Trade me some beauty,
and I will give you silver skies.
Speckled with ***** gaze,
of stars,
like silver glitter spilled in a river,
yet in a world above,
it seems not tainted by life,
only a still galaxy
of perfection.

Trade me some beauty,
and I will give you silver skies,
so you can gaze into a different world,
and start your own dreams.

my only hope for you
my love
is that some day
they will stop clipping your wings
and you will fly with your silver feathers

it's truly crazy
how alone i feel
surrounded by monsters
wearing human masks

what is harder to keep?
your love
or my sanity?

they say no one dies alone
and it's cruel
but once i pass
i will leave a hole in my sister's heart
once my sadness ends
her sadness will begin
forever

i'm just a tissue to you
i'm there for you to soak up your tears
but as soon as i tear
you can throw me away

I remember,
When I was eight.
I held a silver blade over my pale wrist.
But it told me to stop,
And so I slipped it away.
I remember,
When I was fourteen.
I brought out that same blade,
Along with two others.
Silver, black, blue.
Yet again,
They told me to forget.
Regretfully,
I hid them in the drawer of my wooden desk.
I remember,
When I was eighteen.
Ready to end everything,
I brought out all five of them.
Silver, black, blue, white, green.
For all my deadly sins,
I deserved them.
Tears welled but were never shed.
My guardians,
They told me to rise up,
To continue to make memories.

she was a child
and she got sick
she lost all of her hair
the crown to her head

years later
she rips off her wig
and dances to the world

tell me to stop getting distracted
because it's so easy for you to say that
tell me to stop binge eating
because it's so easy for you to say that
tell me to stop overthinking things
because it's so easy for you to say that
tell me to stop getting scared
because it's so easy for you to say that
it's like you think i want to be like this
if i could stop then i would
it's harder than it seems
when i think about the word stop
the only think i can think about it to stop living

The times you stared,
Into the glass,
Gazing at your flaws,
And wondering what could pass.

You don’t need to beware,
Of yourself or your looks,
You don’t have to feel weird,
For burying yourself in books.

What others think,
Should not matter to you,
It’s only what you think,
That really matters, to be true.

Stop being harsh,
For what you seem to be,
Enhance what’s inside,
The things you can’t see.

Don’t judge yourself,
By what is staring back,
Through your bitter mirror,
Letting self doubt attack.

Through your cracked eyes,
You see only the outside,
So search a little deeper,
Push your mirror aside.

See what you are,
Not what's unsuitable,
Because then you'll never see,
That you are beautiful.

she is silver to his gold
her tone as cold as snow
he finds her and chases her
he's faster than she's slow

she runs away from him
but he refuses her answer
because as much as she hates him
that's how much he loves her

she falls weeping to the ground
praying to the earth
which plants her as a tree
and allowing her rebirth

he cries among her branches
winds a laurel wreath
he hates himself for trying
and he lives in his grief

it's all about balance
people who appear neutral outside
seem to be neutral inside
maybe that's why i'm so sad
while acting so happy

my hair flows
like the delicate music
that keeps the suicidal thoughts at bay

You lay bruises,
Across my broken skin,
You let me fall to the ground,
You shoved self doubt in.

The dust and dirt,
Is where you dropped me,
Yet you still refuse to go,
Refuse to let me be.

You scattered words on me,
The bitter, sour words,
As if the broken bones could hurt more,
The thought is just absurd.

The sky is right above,
But the ground is all I can reach,
If only there was a ladder,
To heaven from the beach.

The horizon is just one line,
One line I cannot cross,
The climb is just impossible,
For someone who’s life is loss.

I’m shackled to solid earth,
With chains of iron and stone,
No matter how much hammering,
I’m trapped here, alone.

I’m finding a way to smash them,
To crack the hard harsh chains,
How can I stand up right,
If like a hungry dog trails pain?

I’m not going to climb,
Over horizon to the sky,
I’m not going to jump over,
I am going to fly.

if only you could ever know what you've done to me

ink stained my skin from where i wrote hate letters to myself

scars line my skin from where i tried to cut out everything i hated about myself

fat clings on my bones for dear life because i tried to starve it off

pain still flows along with my blood, traveling from my mind to my heart

if only it could leave with all the blood i tried to lose

when you needed me
i skipped class for you
i skipped sleep for you

when i needed you
you skipped over me

why am i sensitive to criticism
maybe it's because of my mom
every time i open myself up to be rated
i instead get berated

the earth is my best friend
she will be there to catch me when i fall

always scared to
but i realized i did it
before i ever thought this through
i don't know how to feel
accomplished or afraid
because i think i fell to hard
for you
before i jumped
i should have gotten a parachute

bright red mouths
jeering at me from my own body
they stay
laughing
i only have a bandaid to cover them

isolation's comforting; none here to object

darling take a hold of my hand
before i
mess this up
your smile can brighten up any day
and as i look into your eyes
and see you
all i see is pure joy
all i want to do is laugh the day away

the last time i said thank you to you
i said thank you for nothing

but i can thank you now
thank you for teaching me what not to be

i never knew about you
4. you were scary
11. i was scared you would take my family
12. i accepted you as a part of us
13. i wish you could come sooner

i wish you could see me now
not then
i regret everything i did
and i only want you
everyone changes
but i changed a little too late
to keep you

some words leave a bitter taste

they taste like strong, lingering coffee
at first pleasant, but eventually unbearable

they taste like inhaled cigarette smoke
something never forgotten
but a significant part of childhood

they taste like hiraeth
longing for a life from once before
one without a missing piece

father is a bitter word

it was a normal day
too normal for visions
but he told me what he saw
red figures dragging me down to hell
in chains
the flickers of fire
as vivid and bright as the devil's eyes
i'm a step away from the pit
pulling me
only god's will is holding me up
then an angel descends
helps me up
and brings me away
i wasn't christian then
i didn't understand

two years later
i am standing at the line between life and death
a silver knife in my hand
but i remember those around me
in my hazy thoughts of hatred
i thought people cared
i remember what he said
and angel pulling me away from hell
it'd changed my life

he is truly a messenger from god

when you need a useless friend
i'll be here
the person you laugh with
but won't love
i'll be here
to have a substitution
but will never be first
i'll be here
someone who will put on a smile
but later cries alone
i'll be here

my dreams aren't shattered
i'm not devastated
i just realized
that what my dreams are
might just always be dreams
and it's time to focus on reality

i'm immediately consumed
by the darkness around me
and i look for an escape
behind me is the light outside
but i can barely reach it
it's so close
but running away
i can only move forward
into the unknown
and i already regret it

goodbyes are hard to say
because we never know when it is our last

your breathy voice whispers
it's last message
"final farewell"--
and before we know it
you've committed to something
that would scar us

your angelic face fade
into death forever
leaving me in bitter tears
because we never treated you right
like a human

seeing you lifeless
a crushed rose with poison
in you wilted stem
tears my heart into broken glass
tunes my words into broken blues
turns my writing into broken poetry
and all i can think about is

my sorrow
i'm speaking for everyone
when i say
i'm sorry that it's our fault
such an angel has left the earth
that you were driven to your pain
leaving us to all cry for you
knowing we would never see you

i speak for everyone when i say
sorry
we love you--

KIM JONGHYUN

all of the stars have disappeared
ridding the midnight of it's life

there is still one star left
the one who is struggling to brighten up it's world
the lonely star that is left
abandoned
like me

seconds to start
years to build
broken with a single lie
hurt in moments
memories lost
regretted with nights of cries

when i thought
he was the one just for me
but then i saw
him and i just weren't a we
the heart break
when i was young
was enough
to hurt me until now
and now i'm scared
that the same thing will happen again
with you

middle name

something some people flaunt
they say it within their introduction

something some people admit
a half-hidden secret

something some people hide
deny, refuse, reject

something some people lack
so they never think about it

anxiety is my middle name

i'll always be here
like a sunflower follows the sun

i lost myself trying
to find you when you are gone

i'll never stop caring
even after all that you've done

even though you are a ghost

broken promises lined you lips
as you spoke out more

your promises are like a drug
they make everything okay
but only for a moment
leaving me even more broken

your tongue spits out fire
burning the skin on my heart

you give me fear
to ever fall in love again

to ever make a promise again

all you need to do is love yourself
but i can't because
how can i love myself
when that girl in the mirror
is my worst fear

i believed i could fly,
before you beat me to the ground,
so i lost my wings of dreams,
and left without a sound.

i'm such a happy girl
i smile for my friends
i still have a voice to laugh
but why do i still cry myself to sleep?

you were the brightest star
that's why i saw you
but as i got closer
i realized that your glow was just a cover up
to the fact
that you were never as beautiful
i was a little too close
for my own good
and i had to let you go
i could never find you in the night sky after that

a drop of spilled ink is permanent
never to be erased
but the ink flowing into my blood
is not the smallest i have faced

i'll love you forever,
will you do the same?
i should have realized,
this was just a game.

i reached the sky
and fell down right after
but nobody cared
i can hear the stars' laughter

excited like a newborn
sneaky like a child
worried like a adult
and my heart is still wild.