111822

If I die today, I don’t want a sorrowful service
I know it is quite inevitable and yet I want people
To learn not to lose hope or lose joy.

If there’re words that they will utter,
I pray it’s no longer for me but for those who are left —
Who are truly in need of comfort as living individuals.

Let them play a Worship Song
And remember the goodness of God
And His faithfulness that will endure forever!

For even death should not separate
Every relationship with Christ
But death should add fire to their faith.

I hope they will sing a song for the Lord
And no longer sing me some lullabies
For I would no longer hear them.

If I die today, I want to leave not an earthly legacy
But I want people to remember me
As a follower of Jesus who has finished her race.

If I die, I would no longer run
Coz I have stopped where God told me to stop
And let me see His face as He grants me a “Well, done” hug.

But today, I still breathe the air God has given the world.
Life is a gift and there’s no reason to waste it.
Let me appreciate life by serving my Master with all I have.

Today, I want to keep speaking life to others –
And I’d rather choose to empower them now
Than hearing them later with no ears to sense them.

I’d rather receive rejections today as I speak the truth
Than overhear their late acceptance
When I lie in the last home the world could give me.

Today, I want to move freely – led by the Holy Spirit.
I’d rather move now for the sake of God’s will
Rather than not being able to move anymore
Because my timeline has passed its season.

I know God has planted so many dreams within me.
I know I can do more in this world and I can achieve more.
But I want to learn how to achieve the things
That my flesh cannot attain.

I want to give a smile,
Not to those who may laugh at me when I am at my worst.
But I want to focus on my Only Audience
Who is the Ultimate Judge of my life.

I knew I am inconsistent in so many things
And I have failed my God so many times.
But if He exposed me today, then it is for my good.
I may not understand why and how
But I am sure that my God doesn’t lie.

He knows I am tired of the pressures life pours on me.
I may find myself drowning in the worries of this world
But these things are only temporary.

I know someday, I no longer need to lie on my bed
To have the rest which I think I deserve.
And when the Day comes,
I will no longer sleep
And I can no longer distinguish Night and Day
For my eyes will only be fixed on the Apple of my eye.

It’s crazy pleasing the world
And running the way people do.
We are all tired but may we know
The rest our Saviour had freely given us.

We don’t need to toil the way we know how.
Coz this time, we will shift from “prison” to “reason.”
And there will be a huge elimination
Of the things that do not matter in eternal life.
And I pray we can distinguish it
Through discernment which is a gift from above.

"Do not gloat over me, my enemy!
    Though I have fallen, I will rise.
Though I sit in darkness,
    the Lord will be my light.
Because I have sinned against him,
    I will bear the Lord’s wrath,
until he pleads my case
    and upholds my cause.
He will bring me out into the light;
    I will see his righteousness."

- Micah 7:8-9 (NIV)

----------------------------------------------------------­--

------------------------------------------------------------
­
A question mark,
Never will I bestow;
For what I sow, I will reap.

And now, as the era of harvest is today,
I am ready.

------------------------------------------------------

I­ thirst, and taste a famine;
Bitterness has flavored my tongue,
I wanna whine,
“Why it isn’t sweet?”

I counted the years..
One, two, three –
In my very own language,
I got three.

--------------------------------------

I used to sleep unaided,
With lies as my pillow,
A chock-full darkness as my bedspread;
I thought I was alright,
For my psyche, my heart
They both agreed.

“Child, my child…”
A voice like roaring thunder,
Yet so sweet,
Calling my name.

A chariot of fire,
A blazing man in his black robe!
Terrified, my knees were wobbling.
Then, I realized..
That thing which I’m used to clinched,
All the time, the source of the twinge.

I felt a Hand above me…
A safe haven, yes, I’m in here!
The Light has blinded me,
But I wasn’t troubled at all,
For I know that the same blindness
Will lead me to the real Light.

I have never seen His face,
I may have died if I did try.
All I know is that He’s magnificent,
And powerful and loving…
A forgiving One.

I have this runny feeling in my hands,
I was full of blood,
But I’m not hurt at all.
Debris of glasses are on my feet,
I felt the stooping of my knees,
It’s as if something’s dragging me down.

I realized that I was to pick those up –
With the ****** stains, still in my hands.
I saw a big picture of me,
Facing my own being -- a ****** being.

There, I started to hear a small voice,
And wondered where it comes.
Black…
Now, all were black again.
I started to feel the same fear;
My lips are to shriek,
But it was zipped.

“My child, my child…”
Here He goes again,
“Lord, help me! Help me God!”
I bawled with my full muscles,
But the words were only bubbles.

“D’you hear me Lord? Where are you? Are you there?”
The darkness has wholly wrapped me,
Like a snake about to eat me slowly.

The poison has entered my body,
I was fighting my breath –
An exchange of inhale and exhale;
And I know I was about to die.

It hurts me so much –
The Lord has abandoned me,
He has forsaken me.

I was losing my grip on Him,
Even though I know,
Even before, I wasn’t grasping at all.

I found no tears,
But a blood from my eyes..
That made me realized something.

The voice has emerged again,
“Be still, my child…”
That moment, I want a hug from Him,
Unlike the first encountered we had,
To which I just let Him be away.
For the fullness of His love,
I have never recognized.

His blood has gave me hope –
That precious blood that brought me to life!
And that’s why I’m not hurting,
‘Coz he was actually the one who’s hurt.

“Lord, I am nothing... But why?
Why die for me? Why save me?”
Questions are about to burst,
But I was so silent,
not to speak a single one anymore.

I’m waiting for His reply –
I waited with tears in my eyes.
But I heard no word from Him,
Instead, He gave me a sweet embrace..

I fear no more..
“Lord, I love you so much…
I’m sorry, please forgive me…”
Tears were like rain,
it can’t be impeded right now.

---------------------------------------

The light has awaken me,
That light strikes my eyes but I was happy.
“It’s just a dream Lord...
But I know, that embrace was real.”
I smiled.

In the richness of the darkness itself,
People will look for Him.
It will be the moment they will seek Him,
With all their hearts out.

People will be forgiven,
Not because of what they've done,
But because of God’s grace alone.
They may not have felt His first love,
They may backslide a counted times,
But surely, they’ll return to Him
And find their way back home.

The Lord is my Savior,
Jesus Christ is my Redeemer alone.
For I know what to suffer now,
Is not for my own benefit alone,
But for the sake of the Message.

For I know how sinful I am,
And how I disappointed Him a lot of times,
But He has put me in the light,
And once again, I’ll thank Him –
And will never stop lauding His holy Name

(7/9/13 @xirlleelang)

When Satan strikes you,
Strike him back with God's Word!

(5/11/14 – 12:47 am/ Brownout)

I’m the li’l twinkling star
The nursery rhymes chant who I am
To where I’ve heard what their inklings are
And how they plainly wonder what I really am.

Today, I saw the multitudes of stars
Some shone, some have not
At this hour, some rage their trumpets
While others wear their Harry-inspired Invisible Cloaks.

I’ve watched them,
But they don’t grow fainter
They form constellations
Together, they bring out assorted emblems.

I asked, “Why am I alone?”
And “Why I can’t be joined with others?”
“Why I don’t need to conform?”

There were bags of issues
Emulating the others out there –
In the cosmic galaxy, the drudgery darkness
To where depth cannot be measured at all.

You faced me and told me
I was born for something
Maybe not for my delicate-reverie
But You moved me from where I am
To learn strength and endurance when I’m all alone.

I will then outshine, I will be known
My future tells me so
Not because of the light I’ll make
But because of what You’ve made me for.

There’s no one like You
For in my darkest hours, I still see You
Your glory has captured my thoughts.

You are the Moon in my eyes,
The only Moon that showed me
What it’s like to be in the light.

The dimness in me
Was brought out of me
And You then, are proof that Day exist.

The Great Sun will rise again
Oh, the Light, I can’t see it plainly
I’ll be blind if I’ll ever try looking at His rays
Yet, I know how marvellous He was
How perfect He was
For He is incomparable, beyond words.

You, my Moon, oh Jesus Christ
Because of You, I learned to value the dark
When I’m in it, I could view more of You –
Your fullness and how dark can’t ever obscure You.
You’ve also taught me the Half, the Crescent too
Then, glory by glory
I made known of You.

I will not fear
For even the clouds hinder us
I know, You’re still there;
I know I’ll see You again.

Even during the storms, You watch me
You bring light continually
You give hope to the universe
Speaking life wherever I go.

And just when I look at You
I know, that I, the li’l twinkling star
Will prolong my glistening
And You, on the other hand
Shall be reigning forever.

(5/12/14 @xirlleelang)

121622

Mga pangarap ay nasa alapaap pa,
Susungkitin gamit ang pagsisikap
Pag-asa at pananampalataya.

Minsan, hinahanap ko pa rin ang sarili —
Habang sa mga mata ng iba'y
Doon pa rin pala ako nananalamin.
At baka sa paligid ay naroon ang ligaya
Kahit alam ko namang
Isa lamang itong patibong.

May mga katauhang nagpapaalala saking
Gusto ko ring marating kung nasaan man sila.
O makihati man lang sa mga bituing
Nasa kamay na nila ngayon
Habang ako’y naghihintay pa rin
Sa sarili kong panahon.

Binabalot ng dilim ang aking puso
Bagamat ako’y lumalantad sa liwanag.
Naghihikahos at nangugusap
Ang damdaming namahay na sa parang.

Nakakapagod palang mangarap
Na tila ba ako’y pinaglipasan na ng panahon.
Tila ba wala nang tala para sa’kin.
Akala mo ‘yun na,
Kaya ibibigay mo ang lahat
Ngunit uuwi ka pa ring luhaan
Pagkat paulit-ulit ka na ring nasaktan.

Saan na nga ba ibabaling ang tingin?
Kung ang lahat ng pinto ay kusang sumasara…
Kung ang lahat ng balik ay pait at hagupit…
Kanino na nga ba magtitiwala pa?
Sa sarili ba o sa kanila?

Sa kabila ng bigat ng aking mundo'y
Nariyan pa rin ang Liwanag
Ni hindi Sya natitinag
Kahit ako mismo ang mang-iwan…

At kung ang Liwanay ay walang kapaguran,
Ay baka 'yun na rin ang dahilan
Kung bakit mas nararapat ko pa ring piliin
Ang pag-usad kahit pa nasasaktan.

At baka sa dulo ng Liwanag,
Ay naroon ang gantimpala
Na kahit ang mundong ito'y
Hindi makapagbibigay.

Isn't rainbow a reminder of God's covenant?
Why be blind? Why have to alter it?
Why have to manipulate the crowd
And let others be deceived?

I love God and I love people
I love the sinners as well,
But I hate the sin.

Disciples of Christ don't simply stand
We don't stand for ourselves
We aren't perfect, we are also sinners
But because of His blood,
We are saved by grace.

And a changed heart
Means the old has gone
And the new has come.

With all our transgressions,
With all of our issues,
Even those identity crisis we ever had,
We have been forgiven.

Christ, therefore, is more powerful than any crisis
We are redeemed,
We now don't live for ourselves
God's Word is alive and active
And it will accomplish the purpose
Why it was sent.

God is just, God loves us all
But our love for Him
Is shown through our obedience.

Now, Christians, rise.

050516

I am nobody
For my existence doesn't matter,
Does it?

I am a rebel
I chose to neglect Your thoughts
But I was never in a cellar.

I am a sinner, aint a saint
Red, the color of my soul
Red, the color of resurrection.

I am unashamed
I used to hide in dark curtains
Twirling every tip,
Losing sight towards the Light.

My name, I forget
For now, **I am Sorry.

The woman is perfected
She wears the smile of accomplishment,
The illusion of a her Greek-necessity.

Flows in the scrolls of her toga,
Her bare feet seem to be saying,
“We have come so far,
Now it’s over.”

Each new-born being coiled,
Black auras, black all over
One at each little pitcher of milk,
Once empty,
They’re poured out
With enough knowledge
From where they were fitted.

She has folded it back
Into her body as petals
Of a rose close
Her desire, her dream
They’re all in hand!

When the garden stiffens and odors bleed
From the sweet, deep throats
Of the night flower
She’ll remain awake.

The stars shall utter her name
Staring from her hood of victory
She’s used to this sort of thing
But it’s the grandest as of now.

(3/21/14 @xirlleelang)

I search for You God of strength
I bow to You In my brokenness
And no other king could have so humbly come
To save my soul and heal my heart

I have nothing more
Than all You offer me
There is nothing else
That's of worth to me

And I love You Lord You rescued me
You are all that I want You're all I need

I pray to You God of peace
I rest in You My cares released

In Your freedom I will live, In Your freedom I will live
I offer devotion, I offer devotion

071116 #8:28PM

No matter how fine my aggregates are,
I still feel incomplete.
I'm not that strong,
And alone, I'm easy to break.

You could feel my cracks and leave me to banishment,
But You showed me the other face of strength.
Never did I know that there were three hollows within me,
Until I experienced those cracks
that made me lose my own strength.

The hard rock was shuttered,
And many times, I felt so useless.
But there You are and picked me up,
You carried me and reshaped me into a new me.
With tools, I had never known,
You accompanied me to reach my uttermost  potential
And yes, I have known my purpose.

You filled my holes with who You are
As a three-in-one God
And now, I have acknowledged how vital it is
To allow your reinforcement
In order that I could stand still.

You're not just testing my resistance and foundation
But stretching me to the fullness of Your expertise.
You can unused me and break me if You wanted to
But You had Your goodness and grace extended
In order that I may live.

I know, I would be hurt
But I know I was found by You,
And I was made by You --
I was made for You

Guarded by my self destruction
I tend to fall apart
A hidden seed of imperfection
Lies deep within my heart.

Surrounded by my wants and needs
I know not where to turn
I follow while my conscience leads
But still I never learn.

A broken stranger, lost in time
Not knowing right from wrong
Caring too much, my only crime
I’ve called this love too long.

The words get harder everyday
It’s time for this to end
But I’ve loved too hard to hear you say
That I’m nothing but a friend.

(4/10/14 @xirlleelang)

0517

I saw you
And your head held high
But was never pride.

I heard you
And your words tore me down
But it was never a waste of time.

I closed my eyes
And I had my eyes open
I can never have you
So now, I disowned you.

112422

Brutal eyes,
Lament in the melody of hope.
Diverse imagery rolls on each soul
Defining the core of their music –
A genre that is one of a kind
With dustings of masculinity
Making a legacy for this generation.

Each voice has no nerves –
And they’re like a formless water
Searching for an everlasting container.
To showcase the exquisiteness of the Pearl,
The backbone of their glory.

At first, they find no one to understand them
Even branded with hostile names
But they never surrender their flags
And raised the Nations’ banner so high
Even if all their villains did belittle them.

Their chords were like no other –
Their skills, they never hype about
And yet both the moon and the stars
Collided for them
And now is their time!

Some say: maybe it was their destiny…
Maybe it’s just for a while.
But their passion and thirst for their craft are unrivaled –
Always exceeding their best
As if their competitor is their living mirror.

Today, even if the Sun has exposed their grandeur,
Their modesty becomes a plus factor.
The world is their stage,
While A’TIN is their steady sustenance.

They had sleepless nights before
But tenacity led them to so many doors.
Many clowns had backed down
And some even turned from villains
Into aficionados who call them their ‘masters.’

They were born to be a standard –
And they deserve mad respect from every Juan.
Coz they’re not just stars but kings of their kind,
World-class vanquishers that we all look up to!
And this is just the beginning
Of the unfolding to the world of their God-given stories!

032616

You're a charcoal in disguise
Sparks fly, electricity's dry.
Wind blows and melody swings,
Heartbeats rolling faster in grip.

Chewed sands, rough and dry
Pale like a race but not a frowning drama.
Steps were not heard in the audience so new,
Dripping pillows from the sky, a lantern not blue.

Sound's a cliche, reminiscing the view
Chants of mercy and grace; wild flowers were betrayed.
Fired the dark, invisible sky
The King has arise, victory is ours!

111921

May mga gabing kukuha tayo ng pluma’t
Kakatha ng mga himig sa ating isipang
Itinuturing nating mga bala’t sandata
Laban sa mga nanghihimasok na mga ideolohiyang
Kumikitil sa ating nag-aalab na mga pangarap.

At may mga gabing
Isusulsi pa rin natin nang magdamagan
Ang mga alaalang pinunit ng kasaysayan.
At siguro nga’y wala na rin tayong
Ibang kuwentong maiaambag pa.
Marahil ang lahat ay maging tuldok
Bilang panimula’t pangwakas.

Kusa ang ating pagtiklop
Bagama’t manhid na tayo
Sa malamig na pag-ihip at pagsipol
Ng bumubugang panahon.

At maghahagilap pa rin tayo ng dahilan
Sa bawat puwang, sa bawat patlang
Na bumabalandra sa ating harapan
Sa bawat pagkabit sa araw
Na parang mga parol pagsapit ng kapaskuhan.

At siguro nga’y magugulat tayo
Sa paparating na sorpresa
Na hindi na tadhana ang may akda.
Na baka bukas o sa makalawa’y
Ibang lenggwahe na ang ating binibigkas
At ang ating mga kasuota’y
Mapupuno ng mga palamuting
Pinili at tunay ngang may basbas.

And I’m tired of trying to find my own way
And I’m tired of playing the mouse in the maze
Like I’m memorizing the same old phrase
Just repeating my steps to the same old place

Oh, I wanna get lost tonight
I wanna get lost
I wanna get lost in your arms
I wanna get lost
And lose my way into your heart.

Cuz there’s so many voices
Telling me how to get lost in this life
So right now I wanna get lost in you
Lost in you
Before I lose myself

True blue and cleared sky
Where the pasture meets the woodland
And the current meets the past —
That is where I’ll meet you.

Evening falls,
And the field glows
Burgundy,
I’ll come near you.

The sky is a well of inky black
Pinpricked with diamonds,
Still, I’ll be so near.

We will languish in the woods,
Forge friendships with the trees.
When the trees got tire of us,
We will go
Befriend the tall grass.

Such are the inhabitants of this place—
This place
Where the pasture meets the woodland.
And you and I,
Oh dear companion,
Will slip into their ordinary,
While remaining wholly in our own
very extraordinary
And these hours
It counts for you!

(12/9/13 @xirlleelang)

You can hear the voices of our peers
Being silenced, ignored, shunned and distorted.
Staggering out of their bedroom doorways
To the street corner to score a dime bag.

Bright, insightful kandi kids freezing
In search of warmth from something to believe in
Hopin’ those will encourage them
To look forward to see another day.

Where our economy has made financial prudence clear
The price tag of university tuition’s skyrocket
The refused, the ones with hope
But no money or scholarships;
Tread the streets
With the echoes of electro-house
Pulsing in their skulls.

Those who strip themselves down
And shred their own morals
To scraps just to find themselves
And to see their own limitations.
Searching for answers to the unknown,
To ascertain what they are,
Who they are and why.

The bewilderment of adulthood,
The abundance of pressure and responsibility.
Awakened from nightmares of lost opportunities,
Missed trains and lost contacts.

Everything went astray
But hope crash in
They wear the armour
Facing the giants of their lives
They conquered
Became champions of this new generation!

(3/13/14 @xirlleelang)

A gala of life,
A crowd humming with melody.
Heaving each hand above,
Waving with the gust itself.

As the spotlight has smacked me,
Perhaps, just perhaps –
That’s the time when he first noticed me,
At the backside, I assumed, there he stood.

The song was brought to a close,
I see people with their hands ready.
I was about to loom them,
But with someone’s gaze, this chap has trapped me.

How lofty man is he,
For when I’m in 5’3,
I calculated our slits;
His black hair outshines the lights,
And that led me to not look at him directly.

His words are about to be spoken,
And left it with a declarative verdict.
For he's about to ask me a question,
That jiffy, I never had spite in psyche.

Asked me with my name,
And I even gave him a reply.
It seems hard for him to understand,
With a brunt, the mob has left a mark.

There was a silence,
But his hands came near mine –
Offering me a handshake as a usual greeting;
I gave him a hand and smiles reflected back.

“What year are you?” he asked,
“Fourth year,” I uttered with respect.
He even asked over my course,
That’s why I thought he discern someone I know.

And it looks as if he hates digits,
And yet told me I was excellent with that –
Without even knowing,
My trouble zone was Math.

I was direct with my words,
As questions were raised by this man.
I don’t know why I responded him,
Or maybe just to give him a reverence.

As someone uttered my name,
I turned back from this guy.
With such proverbial voice,
I seek out where the origin is.

With the seats to which my eyes were hub,
The same guy had advanced me.
“Where d’you live?” he posed;
And I pointed out where it is.

The tête-à-tête was ‘kinda rude,
And we just sit where our things are.
With his eyes, looking at me
I felt mindful where it’d lead.

After that service, I was about to go;
Finding a friend to join me with a way home;
And with his red top,
I saw him with a look yet keen.

*I don't know why. I don't know how. Oh! C'mon! I'm being distracted.

(3/17/13 @xirlleelang)

032517

I count the pages of written scripts
Of books in digits of sixty-six
And in thirty-three years,
I held you so close
Showed you this everlasting love
That was never untold.

Everything
I have made known to you
Revealed by the spirit, touched by grace
Unending love, heaven is here
I brought you the place
To where I'll dwell you in.