what a privilege it is
to celebrate with fireworks.

to hear thundering booms fill the air
and not simultaneously be full of fear.

to have the sky painted
with vibrant dazzling colours -
not the grounds stained
with new shades of red.

to hear the calming whistle
and anticipate a euphony -
not a cacophony of
cracks, bangs, screams and cries.

what a privilege it is
to have never heard the latter.

what a privilege it is
to associate explosion
with new beginnings -
not an impending end.

what a privilege it is
to celebrate with fireworks.

it was the sunset that promised you a new day, a better day
the colour of her smile after she made a silly joke
the adorable giggles she hid and the shy confessions she made

the warmth of her hugs, words and her eyes
it was the comfort that bloomed when she told me 'everything will be okay'. the safety I found in her eyes when I nodded, believing it too.

the sleepy goodnights and cheerful good mornings. it was the orange love between yellow smiles, forehead kisses and red-burning flames of passion

love that was always there, even when the sun went to sleep.

it was the all-encompassing flutters in my chest when we were together. orange butterflies racing against one another.

orange was the colour of her love, like the sunset, that always promised a better day

strip her down
enjoy her
pass her on
use her
rip her apart
then pass her down
celebrate her
strip her down
expose her

until the skin she's just gained
has shed
left on the ground

then pass her down
thinner and thinner
lighter and lighter
pass the parcel
last layer of skin
until she's stripped to the bone
but still

the game must go on

pass her down
pass her down
to be used
one last time
pass the parcel

until she - the parcel -
gives in
and passes

just when you think you've moved on
you find yourself back at square one
with an evolved mindset and mentality
ready to do the same thing that forced you to change
once again.

just like that
we said goodbye

not to leave
but to commemorate
the good times

and to welcome
in some more.

for a moment i lost focus.

i lost focus.
began to forget
parts of myself
that made me
me.

i lost focus on myself.
only to direct it to the
temporary world that
we live in.

for a long time
i lost focus of my mind.

only to focus on the
blur and haziness
that is my life.

so you went on to let things go,
to stay away from the people who loved you most.
all because you were looking forward to something
perfectly undulant, so unexpected and so unfortunately right for you.

but what you didn't know
was that you were looking forward
to what would be the declivity of your life.


undulant. unexpected. unfortunate.

of all the mistakes
you will make
avoid ruining
the trust that
one has for you

see trust as water.

when water spills
you can always
soak it back up

but
it will never
be the same amount
that it initially was.









-z

today i felt the need to let go.

no, im not telling you for the
sake of seeking attention.

but today i had to let go...

let go of my worries,
stresses, thoughts, insecurities
that have been engulfing me;
worsening by the moment.

so i erased it all from my mind.
only giving it the freedom
to return at any other time

any other time
but now.

because i could no longer carry
the suffocating weight of
the burden of those feelings
on my mind

my sanity was on the
brink of mental destruction,
overwhelming and no control.

so i let it out feelings and thoughts
in a way that brought with it
a limited peace card.

in the form of steamy streams of
hot torrents that manifested
the arduous pain - my bottled up
emotions and its result that
came in floods leaving me feeling
a drip of rectifying relief...

but not close to
feeling satisfied.

although to be honest
it pacified me
long enough for me
to attentively apprehend
that emotions and feelings
were tides; continuously
falling and rising

but with time
I’d be in the last stages
of my metamorphosis
I’d be in control of the tide
I’d be surfing along its waves
finally infused with tranquility

because for the first time
in what would be a long time,
i would be at peace.

-z

I don’t trust people anymore.
I just dont have time for all of that;
faking myself, my reactions, my real thoughts
just to make it easy for someone
who wouldn’t reciprocate my actions

I just can’t trust people now.
they’ve done so much to hurt me
bring me down, see anything but happiness on my face

I don’t allow myself to trust people anymore.
because they think that promising you
that they love you and they’ve known you for so long
is enough to stitch and cover up their words,
hidden glances and watchful eyes

Thats why I don’t trust people anymore.
because they strike you at your weakest
like a snake hiding through the grass
until theyre close enough
to hit you where it hurts most


Thats why I’ve had enough
of trusting people.


-z

don't stay in your circle.
don't trust the people you see,
daily.

don't stay in your circle.
don't become comfortable with the constants that
distract you from the painful truths of reality.

don't stay in your circle.
don't deny that things aren't going your way.
don't detach yourself from the you you want to be.

don't stay in your circle.
don't rely on a persons exhibited thoughts of you.
don't believe so easily, for you will fall just as easily.

don’t stay in your circle.
don't risk your wellbeing for a momentary feeling of joy.
don't forget that people shouldn’t be trusted.

don’t stay in your circle. or you’ll be restricted the chance to know the damage of your circle. because despite it being able to strengthen you... it also blinds you, manipulates you and dominates you.

don’t stay in your circle for they are the subjects that will destroy you. leaving you no where to turn to. and absolutely nothing to look forward to.

so don’t put yourself in that situation.
dont stay in your circle.


-z

And don't spend your days weeping,
over a subject that doesn't stop to wonder
about you and your worrying demeanour.

And don't even bother spending nights
and even days empty, hoping for a reply
from the mysterious person who once filled your mind.

And don't you think to question yourself
for their demeaning actions
that have left you cold and unattached.

For if they wanted to
they would've.

-z