In books I get lost
I buy more no matter the cost
I'm addicted to the feeling
because the thrill is a sort of healing
for me at least
It's exhilarating to discover the next beast
lost in another world
yet still in my chair, body warm and curled.
Parties go unattended
and I hope they don't get offended
that I prefer books
over looks.

I am only a girl.
I may look a pearl,
but I am broken inside.
I've gotten myself into trouble and lied.
I have cut my soft skin.
I have committed much sin.
I have tried my best
to only be given a crest
naming me a failure
You will never know what I had to endure.
I gave myself away.
Fighting for freedom with each given day.
What used to be pure is now broken with no cure.
I know only one way,
to end the pain, but I won't say.
The people who stopped to stare
didn't really care.
So as I write my last words in pen.
I think of what will be my end.

Bang! Bang! Bang!
He hits the ground with a thud
the children laugh at his grief
They don't know the horrors he has seen
Blood, gun powder and destruction.
Where did the peace of silence go?
When did we start laughing at a warrior
Maybe when they started to-
Bang!

Can't even finish a sentence
without being stressed
with every little thing I write
with every little math problem I solve
Because for some reason I can't do it right.

Can't even finish a thought
without being consumed
with all the anxiety
with all the fear
because for some reason they expect me to do it right.

Can't even finish a task
without being engulfed
with a headache
with a stomach ache
because now I'm not feeling right.

Can't even finish this poem
without being overwhelmed
with every little math problem
with all the anxiety
with a headache
All because I want to do it right.

I sometimes feel I don't fit
I feel so wrong, so far away
I seem to clash with their outfit
A rainbow with a dot of gray

Other times they are a part of me
I am one of their own, a member of their pack
They become the best people I ever did see
I'm the missing puzzle piece that they lack

But mostly I just condemn myself
with uncertain thoughts of if they even like me
I become a timid shell of my true self
trying to become all I think they want me to be

My family is all so very white
I'm that one and only Asian
Isn't white said to be right
I'm Chinese, but I want to be caucasian

Positivity, Happiness, Equality
That's what people want.

War, Hostility, Destruction
That's what people have.

Hope, Forgiveness, Acceptance
That's what people need.

Now the art to growing up is not as easy as it seems.
You only grown up when all the universe
and the stars all look upon you and beams.
Of course growing up is not a curse.
You may see the physical change of course you will,
but when you've grown up inside
if you chose to finally master and ****
the hateful side of you then whether you grow up is for you to decide.

Once there was a cord.
That I managed to step on.
The power went off.

You want to know why I flinch?
You want to know why I scream?
Because at home I'm flinching away from someone grabbing my hair.
Because at home I'm screaming when I'm getting hurt or about to be.

I don't expect you to understand how much it hurts having you hair pulled so many times.
I don't expect you to understand how much it hurts to be hurt so many times.

Because your life hopefully doesn't involve the need to flinch.
Because your life hopefully doesn't involve the need to scream unless it's gleeful.
Now you know why I flinch.
Now you know why I scream.

As we talk the tip of his tongue touches the roof of his mouth.
He keeps his eyes from going south.
I respect this for many guys my age can't control
where their eyes patrol.

I said to him "look at the stars"
He asked "Which stars?
The ones in your eyes
or the ones in the skies?"

Out of all the flowers
I chose you
you stood out so well
but not only to me
I'll give you to her
her offer is higher
I'll miss you
Don't miss me

A new beginning, it may not seem that way to you,
But for me, the person has gone from old to new.
I can't even recognize the guy I once knew,
For now, he's changed with his new hair do.