There are feelings
To be written
But when it looks like a force fit
It's better to be unwritten!

Hi
Hello
To all of you!
It's a hello day
Sending greetings
from all across
No barriers
No lines
A hello for peace
A hello for knowing you
a little more.
A hello from my heart
Accompanied by a smile.

What is love?

I call it you.
A soul of you
Resides within me
To make me fly around you
You come to meet me
To be with me
I feel blessed to have you
Although I would never tell you
That I love you
But my meaning of love
Is you..and to keep loving you.

You keep coming back
To meet me from far off
And I come to meet you into your soul
Hug me tightly and let me in,
I would always be there

To be a part of you.

Unknown
unexplained
unanswered
more than that
its the waiting
that kills..
whether to wait or to leave?

I will not let you be my part
1, 2,3 and several others
I will keep overcoming
One after the other.

Each one I choose a fear,
and me in my cocoon
ready to break free all the barriers!
To let myself live
and
to undo all
my fears!!

Negativity is bad

I know it, you know it

Whole world knows it.

But it kills.

To every positive side,

I see a unique negative side.

Affects me in every way.

Basically I do not care

My absence won't make difference

Each step I take

I feel I am backward.

Yes, suicidal I feel

But I try to overcome

Burning every other bridge

I always feel,

No one needs me

And my purpose is fading.

There are highly talented people

What is my need

It's sad that many saw talent in me

But I saw little which kept on diminishing.

I love my family,

I love my friends- one or two.

I might not say bye

As it might be disturbing.

But I am lost and

no more feel the urge.

A celebration ends
*And we celebrate it
with laughter,
joy, and a bit of sadness
but only with the hope
in our eyes
that the rejoicing moments
would come back again
and fill us with all happy moments
all over again.

Let my
scars
bruises
wounds
Speak of my love
My love for art
Along with poetry
Defines my soul
And nonetheless
My love for each
One of you
Makes me feel the
beauty from inside.

I can't feel less
I am sorry for that
I only know how to feel
Every detail of life
Whether pain or sorrow
No wonder
I can't shut my eyes.
I only know how to feel
Define it through my work of art!

Anger fumes within me
and me waiting with fire.....
To burn others near by me
But instead
I’m burning myself
unknowingly!

All the trails
In my life
Taught me to be true
True to oneself
It's not always the depression
Or loneliness that pesters you away.

It's the love for oneself
To be created with tender hands
And to realize that it's okay
To be with oneself
And celebrate days to come
With a shield in hand
And a smile never fading away.

I see people resigning
at workplace
and within a day a two
their place is substituted
by somebody unknown!

No emotions
Just laughter
and machine work
all across!
A vast space
filled with
empty emotions
hard to breath!
Chokes me out
every other day!

I wonder!
Should I cut
my emotions too?
And be the machine
just the way it works out
until exhausted to its brim!!

In fever I thought
When unable to get up at all
Like a tortoise I walked
Thinking all over again
What is life all about?

Remembered all my loved ones
But found only myself in solace
Care transferred through calls & texts.
Again asked myself
What is life all about?

Why to express
For whom should I
create it for?

I liked creating cute forms of art.
No, not anymore!
It's has always been a mirage
My life might turn cute,
If I visualize it that way!

But anyways,
I didn't understand
untill now that

"A mirage is never real!"

Why to even make art?
Whom to express to?
And for whom?
It doesn't even
Matter!

I am in a dilemma
whether I can ever love!
The scars which I received
while loving someone
made me more like a stone
unable to speak the love tone.

I disappoint everyone
friends and family shower love
but while expecting
I am unable to return back
any love.

I feel I am bad at relationships
can't love anyone with all my heart
I move away all the time
draining out while resisting
to all which could be mine

But I can't love
can't love any longer.
I have lost myself
somewhere, where I can't
find at all.

It has been a year
When you left me
empty handed forever
With all memories
Crushed & smashed!
I know I have mood swings
Every other day.
I am not easy to be with
You left me and never looked back.
I understand your choice as I am myself struggling to be with myself all along the way.
You asked me to improve
Said me I am a pure soul but still you never came back.
And after exactly a year,
when tears are rolling down my cheeks making an ocean out of droplets,
I am thinking what's the point in being a pure soul when you are not around?
You said do not chase people,
As the right people will come and stay.
I guess right people don't exists
And wrong people never stays!
Still empty handed, yet with life's responsibilities.
I rather would never come out of depression, and this became a fact.
But I am done seeking for love
And finding no more clues who likes me or not.
You know what, I am done.

I have googled it all
Asking random questions
To people and all
Reading more than ever
Writing my heart out
In pain, agony & distress.

How to do be alone
Happily and enjoy
my own company?

Adjusting myself to live
Somehow brings dreams and hopes
But all at once washed
Without a single sign.

I walk alone, to be alone
And to find alone
Me and my path!

I see love birds
everywhere around
singing love songs
to each other.

And my lonely soul
screams to its every throb
screaming for love
I found many
but only temporary ones.
Flying from one branch to the other
unhappy with every soul

Finally found love
a love, inside my own soul
caressing myself everyday
finally to make way
for myself.

Our office building
Is in the maintenance procedure
Lot of cracks and paints are out
So those are being fixed

How?

Cracks are made
to be more cracked
To fill up the whole
crack from beneath.

A thought sparked -
our hearts too, cracks
or breaks sometimes.
Let’s break it more
to heal it from beneath
and to be whole
filling up with love.

– 17th May, 2017

To be lonely or not to be?
A question that makes me tormented.
To be lonely, shows me the inner way
Not to be?Not sure whether things would work out!
Meanwhile, alone and
enjoying on my own.
With a nice treat of food
And a soft cone dipped in chocolate!

Let me find my dreams back
To create my castle of shattered dreams.
This time, not for you, not for anyone I know.
But for me and only me!
Let everything fall apart but I will stand still with me and my dreams!
I dream of a paint brush or a pen with me,
never leaving my hand, creating and re-creating dreams with me.
Holding me and loving me tight with all their heart.
And I shall not leave them in winter, when its too cold or in summer when its unbearable warm, i will keep them safe with me regardless of all the season's fluctuating and blooming.
Our bond shall stay safe.
And I shall be for you and you shall be there for me,
you- ' my art within me'.

All my poetry
Spoke about you
Our friendship
And blooming of love
Which I once thought was true
But one sided love
Was all I could figure out
To be true
Now no more Poetry
No more laughter
No more cracking of jokes
No more eating out
No more night out

Let's me come back to my soul
And love myself on my own!

Things didn't start well today
almost brought tears to my eyes
not that at workplace emotions works
but somehow have to get back
in working good to bad
and bad to good all over again...
I have raised my standard pretty high
but now with mistakes overloaded..
I doubt how to get back
after a huge fall?

As a child I always liked bridges
never knew why..
I grew up
& still I fall in love with bridges..
to see the unknown connection between all of us
unknown faces and glances but never finding us
I still love bridges, but now I know why!

I refuse to be into that darkness
I resist to be empty all over again
that hollowness into my heart
dragging me from behind.

I refuse to see that darkness
which does no harm
but hinders me to see the beauty in life.
that beauty which perishes soon into my darkness.

How do I get away from my own darkness?
I am still embracing it
But soon shall I break through everything
and pierce into myself to find that light!

How do I make it better
How do I contribute in my own way?
How do I craft my creativity
To be someone of help.

My ways might be different
But how do I help
How do I actually fulfill my living

There is more than just me
There is us
There are all
And 'I' is just as small
In the ocean to be filled!

I have stopped, stopping by
for the people all around.
Its me now in this lonely world
but with less of me in this soul.

Yes, I have stopped waiting
long enough that my heart has burnt all across
I have nothing more to win or to lose..

Just me,
my work
with the
ashes of my dreams.

A friend you are
More than before
Fleets by time
Making me
wait for long
Hours,weeks,
months as it goes,
I wonder now
I have never waited
for someone for so long!

But the memories of you
keeps me intact
Though missing you
makes me unwell
out of nowhere.

The night walks with you
and the tight hugs
Under the blue moon
The laughter and
the long drives
Infinite memories
of you to recall.

Only with the hope that
I would see you soon!

The holiday spent
with the closest person
A roll of gifts with laughter & their precious time
The memories to be cherished
As the year is passing by,
And walking through a new year dream
Twinkling with more dreams to be fulfilled!

What happens
when you start feeling unwanted in your home?
A home which I thought
I could call mine.
The friends I thought
Would come along with me
But they come & go
As if they always wished
To leave.

Sometimes
I question myself
If I am so unwanted
They people leave
Whoever comes
close to me!

I'm tired,
tired of being alone,
Unwanted, unseen.
Better I stay away
Away from everyone.
Quiet all the time
How much more
Quiet everyone expects me
To be?

Sweetly you write it out
through your heart
which is tender beneath
the bed of stone, uncut..
rough and tough you may show
but you possess a heart of Gold!

25 April, 2017

I see eyes
with a vision of
unfulfilled dreams
out of fear
unable to hear
the intuition
of the near.

Guts doesn't come so easily
Only to lasts long
until its unreal
to make it dear!

Flowers of each color
Symbolizing emotions
In blooming pattern.
Bloom in each color
Every now and then
Flowers playing
the role within us.
Showing us
how we need to change
From yellow to red
then to white,
later to pink
all of a sudden!
A perception of change
with colorful entity each time.
Pick any color for yourself
And enjoy the free flowing drizzle
Of a colorful life!

A family in fight
how to resolve
perhaps bunch of
ice cream would help?

Yes, I was right
Food & sweetness
always brings the family close!

I was never in good terms
with myself
Since I hit puberty
Why?
I had no answer to it.

But during my early childhood
I loved being with me.
Then what happened to that 'me'?

Somewhere lost..

Why?

Again I had no answers to it!

But I only know
That I went out in the midst
of harsh reality
In search of comfort & security
But hard luck!
I searched in wrong places
Only to find myself wounded
Again and again.

Until now, I was in denial that I exist
But now I am seeking for myself again
Trying to find that
comfort from within
And not outside.
Figuring out to be in better terms
With my own self.

Finally,

I am mildly in love with myself
With my silence all over again.

Undo the known
refresh to seek the unknown..
Know nothing
feel nothing..
seek nothing
nothing but gulp it
until everything is unknown
all over again!

And let me erase
All the beautiful memories
Painted by you for a while
And you might not even know
How much it hurts
With all the colors
Which I could
Ever bring to my life
With a change in life
Let me be a little more tough
And start mixing more colors
Creating the new ones
New life
New attire
New lanes
New dreams
New bridges
New memories
Altogether!

Through the poetry
I rediscover my soul
I keep seeking
but what I do not know.
Until I start flowing my ink
I know what I seek & what not..

A walk which
made us 'Friends'
Hope keep walking
Throughout the
seasons of our life!

Let's be honest
There are always
Can't which takes the
Front, back and mid seat
Leaving not much space for can.

But let this can enter a bit
It's always fearful
To let the newness enter
But without it
It's of no adventure!

I miss the night walking with you
The laughter and fooling around
and
Holding you tight
more than ever.
No doubt,
I miss the love of you
A treasure I have longed for
more than half of my life.

You make me wait
For months and hours long
And I wonder now
Do you wish to love me more
Or to spend the time
So as to forget your loneliness?

Suddenly I'm empty
all over again
not knowing where to go,
with too many sudden changes
I disappear on the go!!

Amidst the wilderness,
I will be that one wild flower
not to be seen around and ,
to embrace each moment
through the unbelievable Cascades.
To fill all the emptiness with my imagination
and never to turn back ever again.

People move on
Like dust in the air
Leaving behind the memories
Of the sunshine within the dark.
Let the sunshine inculcate & grow
To fill up our holes beneath the heart.