What's in a name?
What's in your name?
Do the sweet lines of betrayal run through your name?
Is there an evil ring to a seemingly innocent name?
Does your name spell out the vindictive and manipulative person you are?
Your name was a trap.
I fell for it the day I met you.
Such a beautiful name.
So beautiful that it disguised the dangerous undertones.
It disguised the warnings.
Coupled with your adorable smile and comfortably warm hand,
which I grasped onto like a life source.
Warm hands that I thought could melt my cold soul.
Warm hands.
Warm eyes.
Warm name.
Bitter aftertaste.

time capsules have always struck me as
poignant reminders of time passing
how we tread the earth daily,
as many have done years before us.
the same earth,
the same life-giving soil with new plants every season
history buried beneath our feet
Isn't it amazing to think how a hundred years ago today,
someone of a different time, culture, race, religion
could be feeling exactly as you do now
you have similar hopes and dreams
just wants to achieve their goals;
fire burning in their heart
treading on the soil that you now tread
they don't exist.
but they once lived.
as you do now.
isn't that beautiful?

i will not stop
not even when everything inside of me
is burning
struggling
fighting
begging to stop
begging to take a break
i will keep pushing on
i will do it
i won't stop
not even if the last shred of my restraint
is gasping for air
saying
please stop i can't hold back anymore
i will appear vulnerable to the world
because vulnerability is not weak
and i'm anything but weak
i will rise again
*resurgam

the voice in my mind can't possibly be my own
i've never spoken such cruel words to anyone
why would I do that to myself?
it must be a demon,
roaming my mind,
using  my own voice against me
to make me feel unloved
unwanted
replaceable
urging me, after every small incident
to **** myself
i'm worthless and no one would care after all
to the demon that rules my mind,
you've gone and made yourself at home
4 long years and counting
you've reduced m to tears more times than i can possibly count
i did not invite you in
one day,
during a vulnerable time,
the door was left open,
and you strolled in as though you owned the place
made yourself a cup of tea
made my body your entertainment system
broke me
over
and over
had be subbing till i had no more tears
had me wishing i was dead
it looks like you're her for the long run.
Well, in that case,
we better lay down some rules?
I'm in control and I always will be,
no matter how you may make me feel otherwise
i am the master of my own body.
i have a sad feeling those rules will never be followed
and my mind will continue being its playground
my soul an trampoline
and my body an artwork exhibition

A champagne-coloured, sleek, aluminum casing with an apple logo on it.
A smooth white surface,
An alluring beauty.  
A press of a button, the screen is illuminated.
Endless possibilities.
Unlimited choices.

You're just a road bump in my life; a tiny invonvenience.
You know, survival of the fittest?
And boy, will I be crowned the ******* Queen once I survive you.

" Don't you think that it's boring how people talk"

in a room full of my friends
and yet
i am all alone
and  i am so tired of feeling this way
this constant sense of inadequacy
constant need to prove my worth
**** it
i don't owe you anything
i don't owe you an explanation
i don't owe you evidence of how 'cool' i am
******* for thinking that way and honestly just *******
I'm tired of caring so much for people who can't even summon up a **** to give about me.
i am just so tired and exhausted of this constant marathon that is school and the constant race to be the most popular or the hottest or the smartest
i don't even care if my crush likes me back
i just want to be free from expectations and worries
free to live life the way i want to without fear of judgement and just free
from you.

The ones you love most,
hate you the worst.

The ones who seem the most angelic,
are devils in disguise.

The ones who seem the smartest,
have the lowest EQ.

The ones who seem the happiest,
are actually the saddest.

Therefore,
I can't understand why people bother to judge and spread hateful rumours.
You don't know who the person really is.
You don't know his or her real story.
Why judge?
Why gossip?
Of course,
if this world were ideal,
people would not hate.
Alas, that is a mere dream.

~

I feel so helpless.
Comforting you.
Telling you I'm here for you.
All behind the screen.
I wish I could reach out and grasp onto your hand,
and pull you out of the pit that is your soul.
Please don't sink deeper.
Reach for my hand.
Take it.
I know I'm behind a screen but I'm trying,
desperately to save you.
Save you before you sink deeper.
Don't leave me!
Don't you dare!
Hang on please, I'll help you.



Hello?


*Hello?

You can feel the tears pooling at the rim of your eyes they say that the eyes are the windows to your soul and my soul is over flowing and it spilling out for everyone to see my raw emotions for you to dissect and make assumptions and nod your head in fake understanding you can never begin to understand my soul and you never will my body is a vessel and my soul fills it to the brim a small trigger sends ripples down my spine and it sends my soul pouring over the edge escaping though any means; tears flowing down my cheeks a lump of emotions forming in the centre of my throat that I cannot stop i feel it rising and rising and finally it escapes as steam would from a kettle as a scream and i bring my hands to my face and my knees buckle under the weight of my overflowing soul and I lose the will to fight it i just let it flow until I am weak and tired and then  with red eyes raw from the weight of the emotions that came pouring from them and a ****** throat i stand up and grab a tissue fake a smile and wipe those tears away clear my throat drink some water smile again it's fine i'm fine no big deal shhh everything is normal i push myself further back into myself and i can feel the pressure start to build again like a ticking time bomb counting down to the next time i lose control and let my soul overflow

Father, you've made me cry.
Father, you've made my sister cry.
Father, you've made my mother cry.
Father you've hit me for no reason.
Father you've hit my sister for no reason.
Father you've hit my mother.
Father you are a control freak.
Father you've broken countless plates.
Father you've broken a fan.
Father you've literally torn the house apart.
Father you are unreasonable.
Father you shout unneccesarily.
Father you have anger issues (you broke your sister's jaw)
Father you've never been involved in my life.
Father you've never cared for me.
Father you've never told me that you loved me.
Father my life would be better without you.
So father, you can *******.

1) empty bottles that clink as you wade through them. you drown in an ever-increasing pool of bottles

2) puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. i want to pour coloured powder on her cheeks. i want to trace every single stream

3) eardrum rupturing music. he screams along to it. they become indistinguishable from the music. he enjoys being a part of something.

4) a lone figure next to a lake. they hug their legs. nothing moves. everything is completely still. if you listen closely, you can hear their heart shattering into the tiniest fragments. they try to keep it together. an internal war rages. but nothing moves.

5) the buzzing. hair falling to the ground. a blank stare and tiny smile

6) you are a tiny dark speck, against the looming white landscape.

7) the lingering taste of coffee. a lit cigarette dangling from between fingers. flecks of ash fall to the ground.

8) submerged into the deepdarkbluebutmaybeblack ocean. everything is dulled.

9) a neatly folded stack of clothes in a washing machine.

10) putting your fingers in between your legs. you are in front of a mirror. you watch yourself

11) a body falling apart into several meat-sized chunks. they are stapled back together.

12) clay masks.

13) lose strands of hair tied together in a trash can

14) refusing to follow the rules.

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes-
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay,let them only see us, while
           We wear the mask.

We smile,but, O great Christ,our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and along the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
           We wear the mask!

Technically, we are all dying.
We'll die eventually, in 80 years, in a month, in a day.
We all die.
Truth is, not all deaths are equal.
That homeless man on the street?
He died yesterday.
Not a single soul mourned.
But that famous actor who died because of a drug overdose?
Yeah, millions mourned, though they did not know him.
Some deaths hurt you more than other deaths.
Just like how his death hurt me.
He didn't die per say, but, he died on the inside.
That killed me too.
Eventually everyone dies.
Everyone will just be a memory and after that, nothing.
But I don't want to just be a memory.
I don't want to be nothing.
I want to impact lives.
I want to stay alive in the work I have done.
But.
Everyone will be a memory.
Just like how you will forget about this poem five minutes after you read it.
One day the earth will forget me.

My teacher told me,
leaders are Alphas.
A pack chooses an Alpha not based on size but,
based on it's ability to care for the pack.
He said we, the leaders, were chosen as Alphas.
Then, he said something that moved me.
He said  that there would always be insecure Betas who are jealous of you.
That's when the bullying starts.
Now I know why you hurt me.
I'm an Alpha and you, an insecure Beta.

i've never been one of you
let's face it
maybe it was he way i did not laugh at your insensitive jokes
or the way that i was not as cool as the others
i've always given more and more and more of myself
never got anything in return
and
truth be told
i've always secretly resented you for it
i've always hated hated hated hated hated you for it
the bubbling bitterness at the base of my stomach
like bile
burning rising
i choke it down
and say hi babe thank you for being such a great friend
the words leave a bad taste in my mouth.
the worst part?
by hiding these true feelings of mine
and being so incredibly fake
i'm just as bad as you are
maybe we truly do deserve each other

I failed a test for the first time in my life.
I failed.
Does the results of one test make me a failure?
I mean, people have failed many times before!
Then why,
does this failure affect me so much?
I try so hard to be perfect.
Not a toe out of line.
Balancing my studies and passion for acting.
I've been able to do it for the past three years!
Why am I crumbling now?
Did perfection leave cracks on the inside that could not be seen?
Was perfection something I used to covered up the imperfections?
I can see them all.
The blemishes,
The flaws.
Makes my skin itch.
It's not perfect.
It's not in order!
It's not the way it should be!
I'm not the way I should be

You think your words affect me?
You think I give a **** about a thing that you say??
*****, please.
Say whatever the ******* want.
I will take the blows and the kicks.
They've got no effect on me anyway.
I'm a train going ahead at full speed and if you try to block my path *****, you're going to get run down.
With your iron fist of terror you rule this house but a revolution is about to start.
Enjoy while you can now *****, cause when I'm through with you , you'll take back every single ******* word.
That's a promise

I saw your message.
I was there for you when you were feeling down and now you feel obliged to be here for me.
Don't.
I helped you because I cared.
I know you care too but,
I don't need your help.
I don't need anyone's help.
I really appreciate your concern.
But,
if you help me,
you'll remind me of her.
She helped me and then,
she stabbed me in the back.
You're a nice girl.
You're one of the few who care.
I don't want you to remind of her.
For then,
I will be afraid of losing you in the worst way possible.
I really regret lying to you when you asked me if I was okay.
However,
I had no choice.
Mainly because I don't want your help.
I hate it when people pity me.
I feel weak and I may be anything but,
I'm most definitely not weak.
I refuse to be weak.
even if I have to pretend,
I will be strong.
After everything that has happened to me and I know that's not much compared to other but,
I refused to be pitied.
The only one who is allowed to pity me is that one girl who stuck with me through EVERYTHING and we aren't even close.
She's a nice girl too.
I love you,
really but I refuse to be weak.
I will be strong no matter what.
You're a good person, but some things,
I have to deal with on my own.
By the way,
I'm not fine and I'll never be fine, at least, for the foreseeable future.
I'm bent.
I was broken but I fixed myself.
I guess that makes me fine but,
I'm not as fine as before.

they say that time is supposed to heal but the wounds you left were permanent and raw and they still bleed today if I stretch too much
my mind is a vast expanse and you are the lonesome tree in the centre dominating the landscape leaving room for nothing else
you said our love would transcend death but our love is dead and I wish I was too
my body was the battlefield and your tongue was the weapon and we fought many wars together but we all know battle scars never fade and you left as rashly as you came leaving me a barren wasteland
and I yearn to feel your body against mine, shadows cast by neon lights 12.01 am getting sweaty and hot and it picks up pace and no one has to know because nights like these will last forever yes laying here in your arms for eternity
gone
one day you decided that i was not enough
one day you realised that settling down was not for you.
one day you left
and you never returned

On the outside,
I smile may be frozen.
On the inside,
I'm crumbling.
Like pastry.
No way to fix me.
It feels like all the weights are being thrown on my shoulders.
There's only so much weight my shoulders can carry.

And when i saw your name there
I no longer felt the oh so familiar
Butterflies in my stomach
Tugging at my heartstrings
Chaining me down
Clamming me up everytime i glnaced at you
Sneaking glances
Doing everything to get your attention
Saying hi when you never really gave a ****
And then I learned more about you,
About differences that we could never overcome
I heard a few negative things about you
And i
Convinced myself that they were all wrong
You were perfect, velvety and smooth
You were you
You could do no wrong
But then i witnessed it
Something so trivial and yet
It shook me out of this trance i was in,
Opened up my eyes to all your flaws
We all have flaws
But some of yours were inexcusable to me.
And then i came across your name again
And i
Felt nothing
And then,
I smiled.

is when every single word you say and write is carefully crafted
to tell people you need help
because how do you tell someone you think about death daily?
and you want nothing more for someone to look into your eyes and say
talk to me
you are not okay
i care
and no one notices
you are replaceable
you are unwanted
they ask you if you are okay because it is polite
but they don't ask you if you are okay
they don't care
and i guess it's just the realisation that at the end of the day,
no one does.
your death simply will not affect them.
so why not?

Wanna see some magic?
Here,
I'll add in a few tags and this poem I spent barely 30 seconds on will trend!


I really dislike this new version of Hello Poetry with the tags and stuff. It's not the website I fell in love with. It's not the website that saved me. It's conforming to mainstream social media.

Freedom is the ability to live without worries.
Freedom is not having to answer to anyone.
Freedom is being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want and without any consequences.
Freedom is always being happy.
Freedom is the ability to have no responsibilities.
Freedom is to not have any stress.
Freedom is to be able to close your eyes and let the ocean engulf you, without dying.
That's right, you deluded soul.
Freedom does not exist.

I've noticed how fragile life is.
Nine months of development in a muscular structure before causing excruciating pain to our host, that being our mothers, and then we torture them some more.
We constantly require attention and when we are teenagers, we're rude to them though honestly, we can't help it. They irk us so much, sometimes.
And then, all it takes is the flick of a knife or, a pulled trigger to end it.
It's so easy.
One simple motion with your hand, and you're a goner.
All that pain, all that time, gone.
In that single motion.
Life is so fragile.
Let's cherish it.

guys, watch this, it's beautiful, it is.

http://www.upworthy.com/7-cowardly-words-from-a-totally-sexist-stranger-sparked-this-cour­ageous?c=mrp1

Everything,
blown out of proportion.
Is not being able to print something a reason for you to cry?
Does it allow you to shout at your mother?
You rude *****.
She does everything for you and you can't be appreciative.
She may irritate you to no end.
She irritates me too.
But, there is never a valid reason for you to shout at your mother.
Your mother.
The only person who'll love you unconditionally.
So, shut your mouth.
Have some respect and stop crying for every single thing.
*God!

Whenever, I watch a scary movie,
I am always afraid of going to sleep on that night.
I have no idea why I watch these movies when I always end up screaming.
I know they aren't real,
ghosts don't exist,
and,
the main character is always so stupid.
If my dog were to refuse to enter the house,
I would know something was up.
Even if I do enter the house,
the moment I see something that is supernatural in the least,
I would go running.
Even if I do choose to stay in the house,
I would not enter rooms when the door slowly creaks open
and I would definitely not open the door when I hear random bang-ings in the middle of the night.
See, the people in horror movies are just plain dumb.
This coupled with the fact that ghosts or the living dead do not exist,
is a clear sign that these movies are fake.
Yet, this does not stop me from being scared.

and you'll know what it is when you see it
and your throat begins to constrict
and your chest feels heavier
and it is just difficult to breathe
and you can feel emotions bubbling up from the pit of your stomach
and you know you are going to cry
and the memories come flooding back
and you know you just can't bear to feel again
and despite knowing this you don't look away
and you begin to wonder whether you actually like the pain
and it is getting more difficult to breathe
and you know that soon you are going to be overwhelmed
and you do nothing to stop it because it was a part of you for so long it demands to be felt and accepted wholly, completely it demands that you cling onto it and never let it go it wants your attention it need you attention it does not care about you it cares about your attention you fool stop living in the past the past is the past it is over get over it
but
you
never
will

i feel weird again i lament
i feel mortal
i am aware of my mortality
for a split second i feel
strange
i feel like flesh and bones
no soul just muscles that could rip and tear and shred and be broken and
death
i could die
for a second i have a heightened awareness of this fact
and it feels
strange
my tongue starts to tingle
mortality
i feel my body decay from within
i feel like dying
my heart feels weird
it feels like t is burdensome to continue beating.
it feels heavy
if that is even possible
i just don't know what is real and what i feel
i am confused and lost and i clutch my chest
feel the warmth
i'm still alive right
and i just don't
i just can't
i simply don't know how to explain what I feel
i just feel like flesh and bones and nothing more.

There was once a blind man. Since he was born he was taught by religion to appreciate whatever God had given him. He did. He never saw beauty. People described beauty to him but he could not understand. One day he met a girl. He could tell she was beautiful from the way she talked and laughed. He understood true beauty. Her parents were not as accepting. "He's blind" "He's a *******, an abomination from the heavens. He never should have been born. He's a burden for his parents". They never met again. Yet, the man never stopped appreciating what God gave him though it caused him to lose the person who made him understand true beauty. God never once stopped to help him. As he lay on his deathbed,alone, he thought about the girl and about his disability. He was taught to love the thing that killed him; killed him on the inside. And so, he died, a mere shell of a man. Alone and unloved. Blind and cold.

Young blood
Old soul
In pieces
Awaiting death
Come soon

i need someone to let me know i'm not a mistake,
that i can be loved,
that i won't be the only one in my group of friends left alone,
that i am worthy.
i need someone who can hold me tightly
and remain calm during those nights i end up crying.
crying because i start thinking and never stop
crying because i'm so tired of giving and getting nothing in return.
i need someone who can understand this constant void i feel in my soul
i need someone who will understand me and accept me,
flaws and all

Rainbows    Sunshine    Ponies
Dark    Cold    Demons

Rain­bows  Sunshine  Ponies
Dark  Cold  Demons

RainbowsSunshine­Ponies
DarkColdDemons

Heaven
and
Hell.
Closing in on me.
DARKCOLDDEMONS


**Emptiness; A collision of opposites

Somehow,
I have no motivation to write anymore.
Writing was the only thing that kept me going,
and now,
I just don't feel like doing it anymore.
It confuses me so much.
I just don't know.

I'm tired of all the drama.
I'm tired of faking a smile
I'm tired
I'm tired of saying I'm fine.
I'm tired of lying.
I'm tired
I'm tired of hearing your insults.
I'm tired of watching you gossip about me.
I'm tired
But most of all,
I'm tired of being tired.
*I'M TIRED

now i know where i stand with you
and what i mean to you
which is absolutely nothing
and it makes me so ******* angry
all my energy spent on you
for me to be nothing to you
you're too self-centred to even realise what is going on
if i weren't so angry, i'd almost be sorry
but *******

I was looking through my friend's account and reading the poems she wrote almost two years ago when we were both younger and full of passion and excitement and a hunger to take more from the world. To gulp down whatever the world could offer. I experience so many things. We were so full of like then. So happy. Two years down the road and I down care anymore. I just don't care. About school, about life, about learning. I don't want to be forced to learn things that I do not want to learn. I do not care about my exam results. What will it matter when I will die anyway? Life is so fragile that I may even die just after taking my national exams(which are extremely soon.) Then my slaving over books for hours a day would b]have been for naught. My last days of my life would be filled with stress. I just want to enjoy life. Unfortunately, in order to do that, I have to be rich and to be rich, more likely than not, I have to have a good job which would thus require excellent academic results.

I want this poem to be angry
I want it to be full of hate.
I want to wrap it up and hand it to you.
I want you to read it.
I want you to feel my anger.
My sadness.
A result of your actions.
I want this poem to be able to grab you by the throat and squeeze.
I want this poem to kick you, punch you, slap you, scratch you.
I want this poem to hurt you.
I want to make you cry as you have made me cry.
I want this poem to take all this anger and hurt because
I can't live like this anymore.

everytime I think of you I blush
I just can't get you out of my head
this is more than just a simple crush
I almost wish I was dead

Cause you don't want me
and you never will
the two of us could never be
for I'm just another girl.

and yet everytime I see you
my heart just beats a little faster
I  don't even know what to do

why am I so in love with you

It was the last day of school yesterday.
Once again you shot me a fake smile and handed me a note,
doused in your cheap perfume.
I opened it to see your innocent looking handwriting,
only now, it looks like blood stains.
How could I have not noticed the vicious monster in you?
In your note you mentioned how close a friend I was to you.
Was I close to you?
Is this what I get for helping you?
I comforted you every single time you cried and now,
I'm the one crying but you're not there to comfort me.
In fact you're the cause of my tears.
Maybe it's because I got too close to you.
Maybe that's why you betrayed me like this.

Why do you hate me just because I am not the same gender as you?
Why do you hate me just because the complexion of my skin pigment is darker than yours?
Why do you hate me for not praying to the same God as you?
Why do you hate me for these man-made territorial boundaries I live within?
Why do you hate me because I love someone who is of the same gender as me?
Why do you hate me for something I cannot change?
Why do you hate?
I'll wonder why,
but I'll get no answers.
I'll continue to live in this hateful world.

You think it's so easy to forgive you?
You tore me apart,
fragment by fragment.
You watched me burn.
You mocked me.
Why should I forgive you?
You are so full of yourself,
you can't see what's happening around you,
you choose to ignore it.
Now you dare smile at me,
bat those fake eyelashes of yours
and ask me,
'Why do you look so sad?''
I felt like screaming at you,
like telling you that you are the cause of everything.
I didn't.
I just smiled sadly before walking away.

Do you ever feel like screaming and screaming and then just giving up and surrendering you body to the forces of nature because you can't carry on and every breath you take hurts it burns and you can't get rid of it you are suffocating you are dying and
No
One
Cares

As I told her that I don't hold any grudges to her,
I knew she was relieved,
even though she was texting me.
Now,
when I look back at it and ask myself,
am I still hurting from that incident?
And, I realize that I'm not.
I forgive you
I really do.
For,
with these three words,
I'm liberated and so are you.

Just as I started fixing myself,
Someone else broke himself.
It was like a continuous cycle of hopelessness.
I watched it.
I watched as something happened to him and he broke.
And he couldn't pick up the pieces.
So,I helped him.
I maybe not be able to fix him but he will know that someone cares.
That was all I needed to know and no one showed it to me.
I'll show him.
No one deserves to feel this way.