i pull my eyeball out of my socket or perhaps, i remove my socket from my eyeball the moon is howling the wind is shining i grin a grin of blood and ... joy? eyeball in hand, or was it the socket? maybe it's the hand in my eyeball either way i take a step towards the water i feel it lapping at my ankles i lie down face first the water breathes me in and we float in that uterine comfort we once knew when I open my eye/socket/hand i see that i am in a tank the light refracts across the water gliding i worm my way to the base of the tank and i push my body is too heavy i reach between my legs and pull out my guts they slither away into the dark abyss i close my eye/socket/hand i sleep
i've been dissociating a lot lately and this is my attempt at explaining what it feels like.
u n f o c u s e d camera lense, vivid memories blasting past becoming the past. can't f o c u s on the moment, knowing, it will become a d i s t a n t memory in the future. I need to feel something, anything.
I'm not sure if I'm just a daydreamer of If I actually depersonalise, where is the line that crosses between these two realms.