If a dream comes true
I won't be here
Anymore

I'll be away to somewhere
Somewhere everyone smiles when the sun rises
Somewhere they don't bother to know my name
Somewhere beautiful

I'll leave everything,
everyone

Because
it's a dream come true

I clutched at my knees
the beats before her voice
ramming into me repeatedly

The noises in my mind
Too bright, too abrupt
an incoherent strum of notes

I never should have
given you anything
memories dangling in your fist

a breath on my tongue
flimsy and pathetic
strangled sounds from my lips

clearly un-done
my hands unwrap my face
from all your words
that tasted cool to the touch

but not enough greenery
jeering giggles and
fortifying glares

a word in my throat
jammed, slammed, shunned

be gone Angels
I can't do you anymore

I am being asked for a bio
a short one, perhaps, considering
my fleeting days

what is a nice way to put
my life has not started yet
and that all my dreams and demons
are still locked inside my closets?

and as I walked off the high school
a hell with company, a heaven without wishes
everything translated into fears

but an abundance of sparks, could-bes,
and a ground for love

I felt dead in a moment
alive in the next.

I had to end on a positive note
For I am returning
tomorrow morning.

this fountain of boredom never drys
in my body you will find
a path that you can never reach
but you won't seek it

you'll abandon me.

my strings have all been cut
untethered, I drape myself over you
all your sharp edges sliding into my round skin

I write too many poems about you

so are you happy
at least one of us should be

I'm lost.
I'm just so lost
Anxiety kicks in
And I overthink every breath
If my heart sinks to the floor
You'll throw it away, won't you?

Thanks a lot
Boyfriend

Head full of clouds
She pedals
her bicycle
a butterfly floats, low

and as wind whispers
it's futile
suicidal attempt
it strikes her stomach

Her lips curling around
a scream
looks down
And it is gone

She is nervous
A flit of eyes
Wrangling hands

She searches for comfort
Music
Stranger's faces

But something is coming
She does not know what to do

Change
is a silent warning
that lights up her eyes

Loud voice
Clearly spoken

Anyone can see
She's the one

The Chosen one
The one I chose to be

I can spend all day
Playing with my hair

My curls and my straights
And the occasional knots

Watching with disappointment
As they slither down my hand

My fingernails against my scalp
Gripping the hair, calculated firmness

I could tear some out
If I wished to

He's looking
again
continuously
Move, why don't you
you're ruining my view
with that plaid shirt
belly pushed out
absolutely disgusting smile
I can't look away

Daddy
I've done some
*******

I taste
your disapproval
Lips shining around a slit of air
and eyes
foreboding
daring me to laugh

I taste
my highness
my hair white
as clouds
bobbing through the Neverlands

I've been reminded
of you
Daddy

In the fatherless boy
the mirror whispers of
You have my eyes
and I have your
deadness

It's all
because of you
My dear dear father
who had the graciousness
to make me
who had the audacity
to leave me

Because
I never
needed you

I have done too much,
I hope,
Daddy

I know you think I'm not enough to go out to the world
But I might be young but I'm not a child
And I might be reckless but I know where I'm headed

I know that you're the way you are because you love me
But you don't really get me
And I'm not that kid anymore

I've always been a dreamer
though you couldn't tell by the music I play
and you'd always tell me the world was a mess
And I would change the way you saw space

And I wish that you would show me who you are
without all that pretense
But in the end you're the one I can't lose
And I'm the one who'll come back to you

So can we talk another time
Though we'll get nowhere
But you'll still love me anyway
And I love you for that.

Sitting there
Embraced in all the noise
My heart was sinking

Again

Don't you know
Don't you know the power you have over me

A word can make me drown
A look can make me lost
A touch can leave me breathless

And I dare to chase you

you always have a plan
but never follow up
so it's left to me
to clean up your mess
and eat your donuts

I am on fire
you see
my broken wings?
my husk of a soul?

Silent days and vibrant nights
I fell from the moon,
my fingers never quite
grasping faith

I followed them
their blooming words, lively hands
and poetry that betrayed
there was no use crying about it

As I touched down,
my edges fainting from the glow
and I laughed my laugh
"I am- I am finally here!"

i'm falling again
i'm falling
into abyss
wonder hands will grab me
raise me
but then
i'd be too far gone

i'm walking a fine line
between individuality and insanity

Love me,
won't you?

you don't have better things to do, anyway.
we should meet on tuesday, and we should ****.

fine, make love.
but we're not making love, are we? we're drowning love.
we're drowning it with moans and curses and touches,
until love is just a faint reminiscence of our fantasies.

you always hated the way I talked.
like I knew everything and anything.
old man, you said. I talked like an old man tired of life.

well, old men aren't tired of life. They're tired of pain.
and that's sexist, **** you. old women can also be tired of life.

I feel old as the wind in my face
I feel it's creaks and groans and whispers
and the way they ask me to fall

it blew me out of you
and I grew tired of pain
and you never listened.

You should have listened.

Let's love,
shall we?
and see what fantasies we can ruin.

Lights on your palm
Dancing across my face

Eyes meet and lips touch
But the fire still burns

Rain washes away the tears
Your smiles sweep away the sorrow

Transparent and transcendent
Our love shines between us

A thin thread that will never break
Words that glows in the air

I feel my heartbeat
In the thrum of your fingertips
Against my chin

I feel my ascending breath
In the brush of your lips
Drawing things out of me

It's hope, that you will love me.
It's worse, when I don't know what to say
It's an end, of some sort, of an hopeless kingdom of uncertainty

And it's a start
just one of the countless
to come.

Be young
they told her

still as a silent clock
a thin paper slipping to the floor

time was running out, but no,
stay young, they said

a million cherry blossom
uprooting themselves inside her

spilling over, the tide was turning
the wind blew her hair across her face

she dutifully watered her flowers
wilting, drooping, dying

she wished
she wished they were stronger

being young meant she never learned
about the Poison

I lived a thousand lifetimes with you
in that summer

Cruel voice
Whispering warm things into my thigh

I was high on your lullaby
Your sky your glorified sigh

Of relief,
Of disbelief,

Because you knew
When I broke countless curfews
And dyed my hair blue
And screamed I had nothing but you

We might just fall in love
Frozen in time

This summer, you and I.

I am afraid
Terrified of the future to come

Sometimes I stop
In the middle of the street
Wondering where I'm headed

But as I stand there
I know nothing's going to change
If I don't move forward

So I just wander past
The lights the people the places

And hope for a world
Where I can stop and rest
And not fear for the future

When I was a girl in the city
I thought the world had a limit

Bikes and cars and planes
and astronauts, maybe

But I never really thought to
look for the stars

My heart aches

For a road not taken
For a decision not made
For a life never had

They keep me up at nights

The glimpses
The laughter

Of the future I will never have

And I regret
And I indure
And I hope

I will live the right life.

You don't have to do anything special for special occasions,
because normal is the most precious kind of special.

hello
im me
and im not gonna change for you

im not gonna capitalize
im not gonna use punctuation

because i like this
its how i feel right now.

but i know you feel differently
and im not gonna fight you on that
its poetry
theres no rules

so just calm down
and do what you want
and if you want
you can follow me

There's something wrong with you
She couldn't see cause she was blind
You closed her eyes forever shut
She never found out what you are

He looked into your eyes
And he thought you were something different
And he was right
He found out a moment too late

This is when you play
And this is where I hide
Love and pain are both
four letter words (a vague concept)

I hope you hide it well
I hope you hide us well

Honey Iced tea
tastes blue, unlike the sky outside
I gulped it down
laid on the leather seat

People ****** at my hair
nothing but blobs of dark
on an endless silver screen
constricted in thin air

I wanted her to let go
but she couldn't,
her ideals and wishes
scrambling across her hands

splashing down my head
I was wet, and stuck
My mouth is still sweet
She could taste it

pinpricks of light
sad, right, 3am, night
told my mother
well, lied, actually
don't be a bother
comma splices
for thoughts, instead
a mess for a head
and sometime, soon, dead.

I would like to look at the moon until it reflects your face
I would like to die, and sit calmly for you to join me
I would like to be dramatic and be sad and be mad
And I would like, above all, for you to love me.

Being young
is
Music not being loud enough
to hide what your mother is saying about you to a stranger
Outside the locked door

Parking lot, waiting
Just
Kiss me if you have the time

I'm tired
I say

She looks at me;
scared

I admit
I know where her mind is
Insecure, lost, and trembling with fear

Fear of rejection

Because I have been there before

But I still
turn away

Goodbye
I mutter

I wish for an empty promise
I wish to hear it spoken out loud
I wish I didn't know it was a lie

I wish somedays I wouldn't cry
I wish those days I would laugh instead
I wish the world was a better place
I wish the people knew what it was like to be me

I wish for a whole mind
I wish for a fuller heart
I wish I wasn't as insane as they thought

And
I wish my wishes would come true

Something about the way
You talk love live
Makes me jealous
Of a life I haven't had

Of a life I could never have.

These days
I'm starting to think
Nothing can mean everything

And everything can just as well be
Nothing

Doors in my mind
A lethargic breeze
Shutting them closed

Your knocks
Interrupting my monologue
Of solitude

Please go away.
I can't, I can't.
"Stay."

Keep knocking down my words
Keep reminding me of my world
Keep making me want to

Go outside
and
Face you

My head is in the clouds
Too high to be measured with numbers

Words, swimming and floating
inside my mind my breath

Let me go
for, you cannot ground me at all

I am in stitches
watching these *******
laughing at my bruises

my life has been
flinches
at clowns
flushes
at men

no longer
can I differ

love is hoping for better
love is holding on with dear life
love is wishing you didn't
love is sometimes so unpleasant

but love cannot be something other then it
and you cannot deny the love in your heart

so face love
and the answer will be in the air

I was once her
Now I'm not

But I still
Love her
And the person
She became
And the person
She could be

And life
carrys on

I want my lover to be someone I can trust
Someone who'll makes me smile and laugh out loud
Someone who'll never judge me
Someone who'll always be on my side
Someone even when we fight, sleeps next to my side

I want a lover like me

Quick, quick!
Bring the metaphoric shovel,
and your metaphysical hands!

The quintessential doubts
have already been prepared,

Now strike down your tool
shove it in through the ground
of my unholy essence

And bury all my questions
in the midst of every
justified true beliefs

So when I open my eyes,
all will be golden!

Your hands are cream
They rub into me
Filling my skin with content

Your eyes are chocolate
They melt my gaze
My mouth goes dry with want

Your heart is jelly
I wish to take a bite
Would you let me,
even if my teeth leave a mark?

A mockingbird mocks
She hardly hears

The twinkling sound
of stars falling in her eyes

Her mind is too far away
Strayed in the light-speed
of the found and the lost

Dizzy, is she
She feels trapped
Inevitability of the universe

She is just that mockingbird
She hears

The world hears neither of them
But both can pretend

you have your music
and your poems

and I can't wonder
what they are about

who they are about
maybe me, if I'm lucky

but never me
you have too much taste for that

Night terrors
A flash of  light in the mirror
Night terrors
Is it too late to turn on the lights

I'm scared and I know it
The shape outside the window
Knows it

Could it be,
Could it be
real?

Everyone says I speak nonsense
Sorry
But it's the only language I speak

You are dead
But you are not gone

Because I see you everywhere,
in my mind and in my world