Buzz of a laughter
Feedback numb
Nothing no more
Just echoes in my ears

Blue sky looked on by
Macabre eyes
The visit passed the limit
She sliced off my

Heartfelt loneliness
Skeptical angels
With their cynical remarks
Trying to get me to feel

Something I don't know what
It is a chip of a bird
That I once quieted for
It is a word of a lover

Who must still love me so
But there is a churning in me
A swirling spiral of nothingness
I hear my time is up

She died when she heard a laugh

It was a forlorn laugh
A one that knew silence was the hardest glass to break
But still it pierced the air

Because Death was coming
- no, he was already here.

He snatched the laugh from midair
and replaced her silent body with that one sound

And she dispersed in a burst of breath
- Death carried her away from the world

Away and away, until she was nothing but a speck
of dust, on one’s tongue

Spitted out, she felt used and dosed
In unnecessary shame, needless awareness

Of her life blinked out
And again, she tumbled through the air

That laugh slipping up her skin until it did not fit
No more, was she going to seem to live.

She died - when she heard a laugh

If my breath is worth your word
Then I would forfeit all to live your world
Where the light and dark
are nothing but shades of grey
And your love would smother me
drive me out, push me
Heavily slowly relentlessly

Into my world
Where,
we'd meet again.

We don't love us anymore
All our screaming fits are over
I watched you cry til you were sober
And that's exactly what we are
Sober and over

Everyone said it wasn't easy
But the truth is, the lies were very cozy
And your fake smiles made me feel less lonely
But the truth is bound to die
I'm just alone

But you come over one last time
And we dance like it's a crime
Then we run out of air and we die, we just die

And I crawl out of our coffin
And dance all over your grave
And the sun rises but it's too late, it's too late.

I have lied
I have been so jealous of you
Your glittering family, words overdue
And all the green paper you can draw

I have wanted to be you
my girl, a searing fire, whenever I saw you
light sheen of sweat over my hands
clutched together, lips clammed

I have seen nothing
but yet want everything
because it's you;
your words, your touch, your life

And most of all
I want to watch you fall
Away or closer, for me or for else
I cannot -bear- you being perfect

I have spent too many hours looking at the screen
I searched again for words that'll make me feel complete
but all I write is something that I'd heard before
and my words all look like you

I live
for the silence
in the wild

the order
amidst the chaos
a beat of truth

when everyone
knows something
about life

understanding
it's brittle
but warm

Yesterday I went to sleep
Dreaming of all the things I could write

And now the pen is in my hand.

But why do my thoughts
refuse to budge

From you

Maybe it is too late
Maybe I'm not cut out to be yours
But I can write
and I can feel
and isn't that important?

Things pile up
They weight on you
You finish something to only find there's another

Why should I follow my responsibilities
Aren't they supposed to be for me?
And shouldn't I be happy?

But I guess work
Is the only way to keep asking yourself questions
And truly think for oneself

But right now

I want to go to sleep and not wake up

My eyes flick shut and time has passed me by
Your liquor and money had caught me in a high
There's something burning inside me now

Unaware I could have been pure til the rain
White dress draped around me like a chain
But no, I must tear you off my skin

Your words have made me doubt my own spirit
Bent me over like a punch to the gut
But you could not gauge the glow inside me now

I will drown you with fire, I vow
I am not water or a flower or a delicacy
I am a raging star, a wrathful beauty

And you will watch as I push you- you fall
Until all you are left is a mere regret
And I will have -in full- paid my debt

Unrequited
I am sad,
You don't love me
But you like me

Is that enough?

I could never know
I can't compare
No one will love me
Like I can

Why, love?
Why you? Why me?

And especially, why us?

what am i now
am i someone you can live without

i wish i'm not
someone you can just forget about

i hope someday
you look back in the past
and remember me with a burning clarity
the way i stared into your eyes
like you were the one tethering me to this earth

but you let go
and i flew away
down the earth down the ocean

i am gone
and you let me be
and i hope you remember

i remember wishing for more
wishing for privilege money things
that i am not entitled to

but i still wished
for i am selfish and broken and jealous
and i am not the person you think i am

wishing and wishing and wishing
i fell asleep with tears on my face
and guilt churning in my stomach

why am i not enough for me
why do i want more even when i have more than others

why am i like this?

another sleepless night
i still wonder
and i still wish

She likes her coffee
Sweeter than hot chocolate
She likes her men rough
But in the end they're the ones on their knees
She likes her women smart
So they walk away first

She has so many numbers on her phone
But she hardly ever calls
She hates being alone
But she feels so alone in a crowd

3am, she's on her feet
Fist clenched eyes closed
She wonders if she should jump

Depression,
her name is

I know too many strangers
My existence is rather unsure
If I die, will they cry?

I love too many strangers
I give them everything I have
Only if they know
If only they knew

No one knows me
I am a pale figure in the dark
Light has always passed me by

No one loves me
No one does
No one will

So I'll fade
away

I waited for you by the swing
The oldest among the young
And I think
I am ashamed of my youth

My feet covered the clouds
All the way up, eyes closed
wrangling hands
This is what freedom means

Being mortified
Chasing it nonetheless
Shutting out the world
Pinpointing it to my feet

Step up
Into the flight
Her lips tastes of tangerine
-Thrill while it lasts

End comes
and way down
I call Him, who else
-I missed you

Ground was
so far away
And home was
-What's this

Threw Hope
in the bin
next to
His broken Heart
-It's not what you think

yeah but,
It Is.

the Truth;
that we never
had a Chance
-Goodbye.

You love me
So you're afraid of me

But I don't know you
And I don't know love

So I'm going to hurt you
And blame it on your love

this city is never silent
cars roll around mad at each other
and people yell my name like
I can't hear what they all say behind my back

At starless night we're all alone
Everyone looks out their window
And the dreams they dared to dream
could come true any moment now

and when we cross the street
to our favorite restaurant
we've been everywhere
this city is loud with us

and when i'm walking home alone
with music in my ears
and the dreams inside my head
this city is quiet with me

Sometimes it hurts;
Letting Time pass

The sensation
On the train station
When you find
Kind eyes
Sharp hands
Making you fall

Uncertain
She feels
A little chilly on my tongue

A drop of rain
How do I know
If the storm is coming

Gray murky
A puddle of tears
How can I step over

Sky's blue
As always
What if I go blind

I fret
My feet are
Always
Cold

White over black
redact, delete, erase

Words
duly uninspired
down, drops my world

My hopes
in my closet
drawers slammed shut

I can't wear them no more
itchy, rough linen
it wasn't mine to begin with

so it goes
down, with my world

And now, I see
my drawers are white
and my hopes were black

They speak of families uprooted hearts broken and pizza deliveries canceled

I sometimes feel like
I don't know what I want
Which is why I scream at the world
When a simple question would suffice

She.
She feels like
an electric shock
underwater

I.
I can only
breathe within her

Cruel, she is
She holds me

Down, below her thighs
always at an impasse

I used to think
I was cool

She is shattering.

Someday
All you'll be able to see is
her ponytail
And her clenched fists

Because she is willing to fight
And there is not a **** thing
they could do to stop her

And I will be
by her side

I waited for you by the swing
The oldest among the young
And I think
I am ashamed of my youth

My feet covered the clouds
All the way up, eyes closed
Biting lips
This is what freedom means

Being mortified
Chasing it nonetheless
Shutting out the world
Pinpointing it to my feet