not everybody dreams about the sky,
some dream about the deepest
depths of an ocean.

sure you can wake up everyday
for the rest of your life before you die,
but you have to die, and that deal
cannot be broken.

it's upto you, so you decide,
don't leave it up to fate or fancy
unreasonable emotions,

there's so much to this world,
now that you are here, everywhere,
out in the open.

when it's 4 in the morning
and you still bleed
awake and cold; with an open
book you just couldn't read,

when the thought gets old and
lonely, and you continue to sleep-

caught and stuck in a world
that cuts deep,
and you didn't give a ****
when you had the time
to leave,

and now you weep,
now you feel-
it's all in your mind,
all the lies, and the bad deeds

so you seed the sky
as far as your heart can beat,
pouring all the stars down-
and drowning the sea,

it's 4 am in the mourning
and i cannot breathe
the world is about to wake up
and i cannot sleep

every lie is so ****** up,
what's mine ?
i cannot believe

what if i reach for them,
and they just get up to leave ?

sometimes i feel relieved,
when everybody's gone home
and there's nobody left to meet,
to give your life up for-
and to need

it leads you astray-
the emptiness, living off
of ashtrays and nothingness

made friends with
sadness,
waiting for the end and
the madness,

mesmerised by your love
and it's royal vastness,
your memories haunt me
and they want me-
my loyal highness,

there's so much autumn
in me, my veins - winter,
and mind scarlet-

i look in the mirror
and i guess i've forgotten me-
i don't remember you,
you look so harmless

and my heart is with you
i guess that makes them true too-
i am heart-less.

*****, murdered and tortured
and they say we'd fix this,

it's just out of order, it's not
one of our own, we cannot risk it

it's far too far from my home,
I couldn't possibly see it,

impossible impossibility, I'm losing
all my sanity, my ability to see
monsters from men, i can clearly see
how bad it becomes, when you only
care about the ends, ends justify the
means and there's no one to blame
'cause all we do is talk through paper and pen, where were we when she was taken ?
why couldn't we see, the reality
and what will it take for us to be awoken
and bleed humanity,

get our hands outside the oven,
get our heads outside in the open

I swear the world has lost
some of its colour,
I swear I can hear the sky cry,
and I can't deny, and I don't
even know why,
but I can see how it all
is being broken

inch by inch, one by one
someone preaching to sin,
somebody teaching how to bottle up all our emotions,

somebody reaching for the neck
and squeezing it until it is broken
how do you do that ?

don't they ever look back
in your eyes ?
what made you so broken ?

why is the world broken,
can somebody repair the air,
it's too toxic to breathe,
it's everywhere now and it's
just so exhaustive to see

maybe the gods have spoken
there's no silver lining and there's
no lying, the birds ain't flying
no more

everything is crashing down
all around, it makes no sound,
wakes nobody around, and nobody is ever going to come around,

this world is pathetic, and I've had it
it's automatic what I'm feeling
and I still haven't been outspoken

you haven't seen me at my worst,
but there's more to the pain when every inch of you hurts

we'll come for you,
as you did for us

I'll take no names
and I'll talk no more than you deserve

I'm just here to tell you, your seat in hell is reserved,

see you there, *****
your sight make my eyes hurt
your face makes me sick,
you are a ******* disease

my momma taught me to never
abuse anybody,
but you're not anybody, you're a ******* leech,
feeding on the *****, murdered and the tortured,
why did you do this, you sick ****, why did you have to torch her,
and eat her remains, see what you did, now ******* look, look what remains,

a world burning, pages turning, cameras clicking stains, the clock ticking,
for the next victim to die in vain,

what will it be, how could you be so blind that you couldn't even see,
a child dying, tears drying, a mother crying for the nightmares to leave,

how could you not feel, how is this ever supposed to be fine,
but I'm so numb now, it feels as if it's better not to feel,
that way at least you won't lose your mind, you've lost your heart,
and you'll lose yourself in time, consume yourself, exhume yourself,
take in the fumes when they set, forget what you thought,
you aren't caught in the storm, you're just watching through a screen,
you can mute the screams when it starts making you feel wrong,


I swear to god, if there's a god, he must be in pain,
I swear to god, if there's a god, she must be going insane,
I kid you not, we're all involved, because somewhere deep down we're all the same,
****** up monsters, and maybe a month down the drain, we're all be looking for the next slaughter, laughter,
our happily ever after, until the flames go up again,

and then we'll light a candle,
put pictures up on the mantel,

read the scriptures, give the verdict,
pull out our *****, and be a **** about it

talk mental, walk in anger,
cause everyone else is frowning too;
yeah maybe we'll even feel pain
after all she was strangled, her body
was found dismantled and mangled,

around the corner, stranded and
by the standards,

and we'll light candles,
******* candles.

to light up the night, or hide the darkness all around us ?

wait till you catch
a glimpse of the scars
hold your breath
and maybe let it all sink

after all we are who
we are;
take the rain and
drink it in,
let yourself sin,
sink

you only get to live once
you don't have to be
a warrior,
you can spend your nights
counting the stars,

see how big the sky gets
and how empty it is;

to be filled by
your dreams
as limitless as
thunder in the sky,

look in the mirror,
look yourself in the eyes;
and no more lies;

tell yourself why,
it all made sense that one
night,

not so long ago,
when the lights where
bright, and the time
was slow,

nobody was running,
nothing was
searching, everything
converging, conversing
with the conscience,

there was no science
to hold you back
you made your own;

as you walked away from home
and now it doesn't matter
what you own
you're gone and things
don't remain how they are,

the further you go, the louder
it gets, and you can almost
hear your heart beat,
you'd rather leave the world in a
heart beat,
and never look back,

you've bled what you could
bleed, and now you've slept
enough times that you've made
peace with the sleep;

your eyes have had enough
to read, and now you cannot
stop complaining,
or keep up with the world,
contemplating that they are
all just sheep,


and you've seen enough to feel,
and you've felt all there was
there to steal,

it's everywhere and it seeps
into the veins,
and it breeds a forest;

and you're lost in the
wilderness, bewildered,
ready to sacrifice

so that you can meet
her for one last time

it's in your mind
and it feeds on you
it seeks you whole

your voice is gone
those eyes blind
and the demons
dine on your soul

and now i don't know,
how to find
a world you once told me of

how do i chase the shine ?
my lungs are full,
legs cold

when does this stop,
is there a cure,
where's the doctor ?

i'm caught in my thoughts,
running away from any doors
some were locked by her,
made into walls

and now there are just
too many of them for me to climb,
and i'm not sure
of it all,

if they were ever mine,
castles and ruins
in my mind,

were they ever
mine ?

now that i am
sinking to the ocean's
melancholy floor,

and at the bottom
i find myself lying
to myself,

how i am no more,
and this is all but a dream,

and how i'll wake up
in a scream, and i shall be old.

i have no friends,
and that's not the sad part

i'm going to be alone
in the end,

walking home with no heart
filled with aliens and scars-
but that'll suffice;

there are stars in the sky
and that'll be enough
to keep me going,

as i look at the world
differently, now that i am;
apparently insane
temporarily in pain

momentarily in silence,
as the violence takes over
my infinite soul;

i count to three
and then it's four,

and then i rain,

the moment breaks
for somebody to open the door

and,
i have to go back in again
to let it all out,

and all i do is scream
and shout,

painting the walls with
my voice,
and inking the hollow
in my veins,

breeding calculations,
and bleeding my sane;

feeding hungry air
with what remains of me


reaching for the paint
so i can be a colorful ghost
when they see me howling,
at my gates,
through that one window
i could never break,

and i see,

between smiles and saints,
the miles, and the slain,
sitting by the fences
wearing a morning scent-

a night i couldn't wake
from.

there's so much dust in me,
dusk, and the rust,
lust and the dusk in me,
to set me alight, on fire-

so much smoke and
cold and loneliness,
the seething emptiness,
and the hollow mornings;
for the sun to rise-

the hurt in me,
always hurting me-

the words in me,
never in the right sequence
or picture;

the elegance to be,
to be, or not-
a million years of
evolution and scriptures;

mixture of chaos,
and visitors;
with their pain,
with their home,

with their bombs,
and with their gones

bones and skeletons,
sharks and teeth;

seeds and forests,
just ready to burn;
to set me alight, on fire.

somebody save me,
have me; love me;
tell me i'm living for something,

hold me, unfold me;
it's cold and lonely
by myself; tell somebody
to solve me, dissolve me
into pieces and find me
before i make a castle with
no doors or windows,

inhale walls and fences,
to fail my days for empty nights,

to sail on sand, in search
of an ocean, that bled
when i pulled out my broken heart;

take me and give me up
to the waves, as i age;
before any realisation,

give me a page and let me
be lost at the sea,
miles away from any
civilization.

my breath is blue
cold and forgettable
in this dark room
and with my eyes closed
composed of a mind
and all its follies,
that I cannot switch off;

i am lost, yes,
bless'd with a life
i never would have
known otherwise,

of minutes, mountains and
stones, wise men; a home
and sun rise,

here on this rock
me and so many like me
will die, pretending we
never would,

consuming blood and wood
even burning the forest down
'tis his kingdom, filled with
people bad and good,

some mad and filled with
scars and broken days
then there's that who
has no need for a place,
some wear stars and some
wear no face, some are meant
to die, some meant to stay

some go away never to
come back, some find
grey days soothing as they
pass by, some live
in good-byes, and some dye
themselves, some don't cry,

some won't die, and we'd
watch them live forever,
whilst we break our lies,

i live the lies too, yes,
but that's more bless'd, in
this storm of illusion,
outside this dark room
where i bleed away bits of
me, everytime i step out,

loud noises and the clock,
to break me down,

silence louder than words,
empty air for me to drown
trapped in a circle 'round
my neck,

eyes to dream me a crown,
and a mind for the countless
worthless things i've found
gagged and bound,
in the deepest layers
miles deeper than my skin
sinking, and inking my
breath blue.

it's cold and lonely as I look outside at the rain falling down from the sky; darker than the eyes reflecting at the middle of the cracked window.

it's so lonely, I am so lonely, the voices keep repeating inside my head, over and over again, as if a forgotten jingle has taken a life of its own.

I don't feel lonely now, I feel afraid; when will the voices stop calling my name ?

when will I be just nothing ?

silence speaks louder than any broken heart screaming; for whatever it's worth, I've always found chaos to be very comforting. it soothes my scars and gives my mind something to think about, something other than this cold lonely hour I cannot tick off the clock.

I wonder where people are right now, so many people doing so many different things in so many different places around the world, it's breath taking and so mundane at the same time, to think about how fragile my own existence is, and how much I crave what doesn't exists at all.

how do you explain what you feel when you feel everything and nothing ?

how do you survive in a perfectly boring equilibrium whilst being ripped apart by the extremes waging war inside of you ?

how do you explain to them how much you want to talk about absolutely nothing ?


the light is flickering inside the room and it's making me drowsy, I don't know if I'm on anything or not right now, for lately it has been so hard for me to tell reality from hallucination, wisdom from fiction, and monsters from me.

I feel as if I'm always floating just inches away from drowning, but miles away from dying, thinking about life and death, and all the felonies they bring with themselves.

maybe life, and death are just people, people like me and maybe people like you, maybe there's a man in the sky and a woman out there to fall in love with me, a love that's pure, to make a religion that's holy and divine, and as magical as any fairytale there ever was.

the clock is finally ticking, and I can feel it moving in the wrong direction, I want to speak and tell it how wrong it is, I want to scream and let it know that I know better but I am paralysed, from eyes and up, and I don't know if I can move my arms or wipe away the tears, I'm too afraid to even try.

maybe the man on the other side of the window can help me, he looks familiar but I've forgotten his name, there's somebody in his eyes, and I think I remember that face too, but he looks much older than what I think he used to be, or maybe I'm just younger.


I don't know why there's a crack just around his lips, what caused it, and the story, the history and poetry behind it; maybe it's there to make him look like an old man with a crooked smile, or perhaps, it just is, without a reason.

reasons scare me, everybody has a reason, or so they think, or so they pretend.

monsters, and ****** and gods and men, strangers, lovers, enemies and friends.

I don't have a reason tonight, or that's what I think.

the clock has stopped ticking, the rain has stopped falling, maybe the sky will be cleared, or not; it never mattered to me anyhow.

I feel as if there's a moment just around the corner, I'm going to pass by and make my home inside of, maybe because I've shed enough hurt, or maybe there's not enough to keep me going, but perhaps it's because every once in a while the glass is half full, rather than being broken and sharp.






it's a tuesday, and it's 3 am, and I don't know if there's going to be any sun tomorrow.

the only thing I'm sure of, is that, I'm not the man on the other side of anything, I'm on this side, here, and now;

and that's all there is to it.

you suffer,
and so, you learn-
talk about stars and lovers,
through scars, and
how they don't burn anymore

dreaming eyes,
dream about the dreadful lies;

the man in the sky,
isn't here sitting besides you-

the woman you pry;
maybe she's slick and sly,
it makes you sick,
and you wonder why ?

maybe it isn't about
love anymore.


the world has summer,
and it had your winter-

autumn withers'
spring too;

and the man in the sky,
he isn't sitting there anymore

the child you could see
in the mirror, died;

he's no more, maybe-
only as much as you are today;

and the bird you
could've freed;

you placed silence by
its side, and a song
on it's beak, so bleak-

bleached by the solemn
good-bye, and a seed,

praying, it becomes a tree,
and not a storm.

standing on a piece of heaven, I crawl-
watching the birds fly to the west, it's so cold,
so many insects in my head, I'm filled with all these walls,
and they remind me how small I am, and so cold.

breathing the winter air, it's everywhere, and now in my lungs,

the snow falls, and the lights go dim, there's so much white, it covers the dark,

I cannot even run, they'll know where I have gone and died,
I cannot see the sun, somewhere on the far side of the mountain it hides-
looking over everything,

I remember a blue lake
beneath a blue sky,

I remember you when I'm awake,
you're always there in my eye,

always here, always to stay,
as the world goes grey, when the sun dies,

and I sit there, on a wooden chair,

caught in the memories by the moments, whispering feelings into a box,
locked on all sides but inside of me,
where it rots, where it stays, where I watch it all, play back and forth,

until it's so cold, it begins to paint the world white,
until i can no longer hold it all together,
until the weather becomes as calm as the moonlight after the storms,
I feel you in my arms, I feel you in my today, I feel you in my tomorrow,

and I swallow the lakes, the mountains, the snow and the stars,
and I follow you into the darkness, at the end of the world, with my never healing broken heart,

and I swallow the white, and I swallow every last drop of snow,
every last sip full of an empty void, and a voice that keeps howling at me,

from the inside, from the lakes, blue skies, the mountains and the scars,

where we'll live forever, until the snow falls,

where we'll love forever, until the spring calls,

I look up, and the snow falls,
I look down, but the snow falls.

ten heads and two eyes,
with a thousand in my mind;
reminding me
of the world i smoke

the tears i choke on
and the fears i hold onto
as the cold sets in

i beg my sin,
to set me free

free from this pain,

i close my eyes,
somebody counts to three

and just like that,
i've lost my heart again
to the storms and the sea

sharks and sparks
and a fire that remains

burning for an eternity
but not for us,

us, they don't love
us, they despise

for we don't belong
in their homes,
hung on their walls

because they cannot
tell, what is hell,
what's worth of heaven;
when they see us-
us, so tiny and small

so fragile and brittle
with our vile words, this world
and what's our, and little-

pretending to be sane,
as we look in the mirror

so, i say
why suffer ?

and i say,
why keep the monster's
and the demon's in ?

they don't care about us,
or what we keep from them
inside us, burning us,
poisoning us deep within,

so, i say
why suffer ?

let them pay,
let them wither

let the devil sing


storms and monsters in the air,
rivers running dry for our creed,

greed and men and women shine,
with bright lights they bought for free

smoke finds its way around
back to the lungs those spark the fire
and melt into the sea

drowning in your arms
before there's nothing left to see

before the world is left to die
in your beautiful eyes

and we all perish
on the count of three

so, let the devil sing
let the evil in your heart sin

so, let the mirror grin
back to reflections in the void,
back to black where it came from
a blacker noise,

through the storms and the nights
hollow calm and your arms

holding onto my deceased life,
my december ruins and spring

so, why don't you let the devil sing
and make him take away all our pain ?

why don't you burn this world down
and make something better once again ?

let the devil sing,
with all the evil in your heart
and don't be scared;

for when you open your eyes
there's nothing there.

no love, no air,
only the ruins.

broken moon and stars,
dead things and your broken heart,

beating, repeating,
with colours and sin;

so, let the devil sin,
let him win, once-

and see the sea burn.

what have you got ?
oh, my withered man,
set in rot, lingering in dust
as bleak as you can,

don't you understand,
this life is a lie

water becomes sand
and the name dies

you won't ever be beautiful
again, and you know

you'll never fly,
you'll never try

because you made you cry
and now the rain
has to find it's way to an ocean

nothing was ever yours,
all you have is your heart
and it's so broken

between sparks, sharks and
shards, there's no hope

there's just this smoke
and a door that never opens

no matter how much
you scream

no matter how much
you dream

it'll never be true,
nobody is listening to you
nobody waits for you
you're all alone,

this world will fade for you
with a sky so blue, you'll forget
you ever had a home

and when the sun sets
there's not going to be
another dawn

they're all gone,
far away from here
when you were sleeping,
keeping cold

and now the child looks at
you, as he did weeping-
so many moons ago,

pleading into the mirror
for a better tomorrow

and you tell yourself
he was but a child
how could he ever know ?

who we become,
when the day comes
to an end

how then,
every morning that you mourn
will fade in time
fading with your mind,

how when,
just as the moment disappears
into another void
the world goes blind

this world,
full of people and pain

there are so many of them
full of our hollow noise
and silence to claim,

spilling words, worth and
grey feelings and a bright shine

they don't tell you
how every tear has a voice,
and how important it is
for you to stay kind,

to be away and sane
to find a way and bind
yourself into a prison,

made of blank pages,
you could never write

so many reasons,
and all it takes is one
autumn, one winter

one season,
to find nothing rhymes
to your heart beat,

but it's important
you know you're always dying;
and there's no grand plan,

and you won't keep
flying forever;
breathing forever,
oh, my withering man

there's no time.

you left me so broken
and i kept counting my days

you left me so open
and i mourned for you to stay

you kept me for an ocean
and i drowned down and away

and it feels as if i have
just awoken,
it's such a sad day,
and i have nothing to say

so, here's my song
with my tears golden

you told me how precious
i was, until you found a place
to replace my face,

and now i feel so rotten,
so, small and forgotten

it's a vicious tale,
and the words don't fade,

your luscious hair and
brown eyes,

made me believe your
every lie,

this delicious air,
and the crowned skies

make me wither,
and it tastes bitter
more than i,


and i thought,
more than i,

is you, but it was a lie;
you were never my home,

and i can't deny,
what nobody tells you,

about the blues,
heart and the stone

it's not the love, nor hate
but the anger that fills you
once they're gone.

stuck in a vortex,
a void devoid of any voice

a noise poised in a pause,
lost in thoughts,
caught in a rot,
making pretty children
out of clay,

hold your breath
don't run,

there's an ugly
out break far away

stay inside and keep warm
slay in style and feed worms

delay the sky from
deliverance, and seed storms,

so that the black eye
and the black dye

can read between the lines,
of all the things in my mind

dreams and memories
howl the most,

between sharks and owls,
i stay awake,

in the forests, by the trees,
beneath the oceans,
under siege,

and i wonder
i wander
for the famine to leech
and bleach away the surface

the complex layer,
that ever was,

and cradle me
in the depths of its conscious

where even the simplest
of universe makes sense,

not like this room
here, and her cold walls

not like the empty chair,
questioning an existence

nor the winds, that screams
against the window,

this grey and moist
and cold and ugly
and away and destroyed
and sold and ***** place,
keeps a face

in the mirrors,
and its peoples

with arms, legs and hearts

made to catch me
and latch onto me,

between smoke and
the vapour
bleeding me dry,
as i lie to myself

that it's only on the paper.

.
.
.
.
    



are you death ?
are you death ?

who are you,
tiny voice inside my head
you are who ?
shiny choices 'round my neck

so, are you
noises i haven't bled ?






so, slow and blue
are you ?

who are you ?
the pain i haven't wept
you are who,
the pieces i never kept ?

who are you,
i dont think we've ever met





so, low and new
how are you ?

so hard to forget

so, clear and true
why are you ?

so far to regret

now it's in me too
so sharp to cut me through








so, near and few
shards, sharks and you


who are you,
tiny voice inside my head
you are who ?
shiny choices 'round my neck

who are you ?









why me, it's a riot in my head
you are who ?
screaming voices 'round my neck

so, are you still dreaming,
and nobody has found you yet ?

who are you,
are you death ?










inside my head,
inside my heart,
outside ripping me apart
are you death ?

so, are you
the ghosts i haven't met ?










what is true,
why do i see
the sun set ?

so, are you ?
the one who sets me free ?









if i count to three,
and close my eyes,
would you still be here,
with me ?

why don't you die,
are you death ?
are you death ?







now it's in me too
so sharp to cut me through

so, slow and blues
are you ?

who are you ?
the pain i haven't wept
you are who,
the pieces i never kept ?

what are you,
are you death ?
are you death ?

searching through the pages,
reaching for the faded, hate it,
when the words speak back to me,


a room full of empty spaces,
there's this gloom inside of me,
and i hate it, wait for it, don't say it,
there's a world where it will forever be

every thought you whisper,
there's a place and time
to rot and wither,
don't mind the intrusion,
there's no illusion, only
confusion and this winter,

no delusion for the sinner,

if there's a she,
fill her

if there's a he,
**** her

don't do the math,
you'll go mad, don't look at
the man in the mirror,
there's nothing to understand,

what's gold will glitter
what's good will trigger
what's god fill figure out,
how to deal with dealers,

how to steal from stealers
there's no way to know about,
if we'll ever manage to heal her,
now that there's no dealer,

and we can't deal her,
what if he needs her ?

the man's age is not
what kills the *******,
the face can fade, can fake,
but not fool the reader,

there's so much to forsake,
you're so mistaken, if you think
you've taken more than you can
make, there's no heaven,

they don't tell,
but there's no hell

nobody left here to sell
no god nor satan,

so be lost or search for
a safe haven, there's this
urge inside of me to purge,
to lust and love, to ****** the
order and trust my imagination,

i want to feel the rush,
there's nothing as such, as much,
as a touch of annihilation,

there's more to the equation,
my mind is done with invasions

i need something more to grow
in this winter, something sinister,
to sow them seeds and linger,


to know when to bleed and
trick her, she already knows
too much so, breaker-
break her, he wasn't made for her,
so, take her, taker, give her back,
no giver, grieve for her,
don't leave her,

paint her, oh, painter-
paint her black,
if you breathe her,
she'll just make you sad,
don't treat her bad,
she's a reaper, she'll reap you
in pieces,

so let go and don't feed it,
don't feel it, you'll get used to it,
get confused by it, you'll know
when to get abused by it,
you'll know when to let yourself
be fooled by it, in a heart-beat,
only to repeat it,

the pain don't keep it,
the name, burn it,
if you see something strange
learn it, you won't earn ****,
but at least the leash won't be
on it, on here, on my neck,

on air, speaking torment,
screaming scared-
sacred fears and lies, with
fractured lips and eyes,

say hate and die
so, wait and pry-

don't burn the pages
don't turn the spaces
there's nothing in-between,


this world, it's faded-
my eyes red, and so sedated,
my head filled with smoke,
oh, how much i hate it-
when i start to lose control,
to find, nothing had ever been,

and it was all a dream,

there's always something
to scream,
there's always a place for me
to linger,
these words, they ink on me,
and i wither,

of all that they say to me, they
don't mean, what they seem-
as they whisper,

spring and winter,
they just don't talk

with all that love untold,
kept in a box of a paradox,

stop.

rot.

triggered.

i'm in a war zone, with rage in my bones, with stick and stones, so sick and tired of the ones gone,
i feel so alone, on my own, with brick and fire, building myself a safe haven,
where i won't be mistaken, for mistakes and scratched lines,
i'm too attached to my mind, i don't see the outline, I don't care for time,
it's just a needle going back and forth, and before you tell me I'll grow old,
i'm already dead, and I know you already know,
if somebody cut open your head, it'll be as ugly as mine,
if somebody cut open your heart, it'll be as cold as mine,
this world taught us we'll be fine, it'll rip us apart before we ever see the shine, sun-shine

there's sun to shine,
in sun shine,
there's nothing to be afraid of,
you see them lying,
you see them crying,
you see them be lost,
oh, you see them crying,
you see, there's only one kind,
the one nobody minds,
there's only one sun to shine,
in sun shine-
there's nothing to be afraid of,
nobody's dying,
everything will be fine,
act surprised, they don't know
what you are made of.

and I'm not the king, oh no,
I'm not the slave,
I don't have the comfort of knowing,
I'm just growing old,
so rotten and cold, maybe it's forgotten,
and I am back in autumn,

so hold onto this torch for me,
and put me on fire if someday I do not wake, that's why I put my voice on tapes,
I don't have a choice, there's only noise
and it does not fade,
put me on fire if I do not break,
if I do not wake, if I do not hate,
put me on fire if I do not fade.


let's talk, just you and me, let's talk-
just you and see, let's take a walk,
count, one, two, three and down,
one for free, drown for thee,
there's nobody else,
who has seen the hell, you claim to be
handful of scars and nothing else to see,
mindful, any day could be your last,
don't ask too many questions,
there's no need for emotions,
there's no need to bleed on vacations,
don't worry about annihilation, for the duration-
sorry, but only the man with gold deserves standing ovation,
and you can't get in, all the tickets sold,
this place is wicked,
the face is sick and wet,
with all those tears and years it was fed lies, they say in heaven nobody dies and everybody is happy,
and anybody who's anybody gets what they like, rich folks,
with their fancy hair and dyes,
ugly teeth, can't you see,
they are as empty as you and I,
it's all the same, and we shouldn't take no name,
we don't know what's sane anymore, we act surprised,
all we do is write stories and complaint, maybe we're all the same,
maybe it's just one huge game, there are a few but not many who can tame,
that beast inside of us, full of love, don't mention the stuff in your veins,
put things in motion, and everybody is now chasing erosion, like some form of poison, pacing up and down in their minds,
inside, in oceans,
outside there are these walls,
can't be broken,
there are no doors, so, therefore
there's nothing to open,
I'm just awoken, and maybe I'll go
back to sleep,
sing for me, dream, scream for me,
grin for me, take the smoke in for me,
choke on your thoughts,
caught up in your rot,
you ought to be ashamed you see, doing things your mamma, did not
want to see, tell me,
is this what they wanted you to be ? but **** them right ?
they don't see what you can see,
they cannot hear what you wear, they cannot
feel what you feel,
so, steal away all their time, don't mind,
they were never the equation, and you were never patient, they are ancient,
that's how you were raised, the weaker gets eaten up by the invasions,
nobody is anybody just names on a page,
this world is nothing, it's everything, it's a cage-
and I'm not the king, oh no,
I'm not the slave, I don't have the comfort of knowing,
I'm just growing old, so rotten and cold, maybe it's forgotten, I'm back in autumn, so hold this torch for me,
and put me on fire if someday I do not wake, that's why I put my voice on tapes,
I don't have a choice, there's only noise
and it does not fade,
put me on fire if I do not break,
if I do not wake, if I do not hate,
put me on fire if I do not fade.

I'm aware of what isn't, I'm still a peasant, memory's not pleasant,
my brain's not present, I'm in the presence of another's essence,
I'm here with a vengeance, on my mother's breath, I pray for my father's death,

I'm not here for lessons, I'm not here to listen, I'm here with a vision, no goal but on a mission,
lost my soul and now I don't have the heart take make a decision,
the thing about love is that it cuts with precision, if you hate enough you can join the legion,

take a revision, come now, take a test, all the maths in your head, add all the mad in your head, all the sad in your mind filled with education,
the time holds still, you'd rather be blind, not par taking in the anticipation, participating, precipitating without a reason,

you change colours every season, collecting the wreck, wrecking the tech, rolling the tapes until the ends connect, aware what is, but still missing what isn't,

if somebody tried to break your neck, would you help if it was in a way that is considered to be decent ?,
if it was pleasant, would you be the peasant that cries in the absence of his kings presence, isn't that religion ?,


I see, I feel, as if I'm not seeing the real picture, all these scriptures and spiritual teachers whisper, the same, it's now in fashion, to have a passion, to be insane.

if I'm ever back in the region, I'll send a message through the pigeons, a safe passage for the superstition, last page reserved for the delusions, ask hate, if it means the same if you create illusions,

you're prolly havin' a fun time if you're not part of the solution, **** this world, it's just seven continents and one ocean, full of walls, doors that never open,

wage a war but don't show any emotions,
don't heal if it's broken, it's just awoken,
I'm in a commotion, with all these monuments inside of me full of torment, I'm done with answers I don't ever want to question, I'm done with erosion, my veins are full of poison,

I'm aware of what isn't, I'm still a peasant, memory's not pleasant, my brain's not present, I'm in the presence of another's essence, I'm here with a vengeance, on my mother's breath, I pray for my father's death,

I'm not here for lessons, I'm not here to listen, no, I'm not really here to be fed and see. I'm here for the kingdom, when I'm dreaming in my bed, I'm in a prison, talking free, I'm prolly what Polybius was envisioned to be, a random mathematical equation,

something for everyone to see, something for everyone to feel,
anything for anybody who's somebody, but not everybody is free enough to see what i see, in my prison, where i got past the last season, after killing me, after filling me with theories those are prolly my only, I'm so lonely, even in my thoughts, caught in my rot, with nobody to free, you see I killed myself a long time ago, I don't know who I am anymore, before I was sure and now not anymore, I have less and I want more, cashless but I want the store, faithless but I'm *******, so hard to explore, and sooner than later after I explode, I'll still be a stranger prolly a Polybius export, Polybius in my blood, strange things and places I implore, stop wearing those faces, I'm weird enough in my own, I don't want you to own my lore, I'm prolly a Polybius, impervious to imagination, obviously what's obvious isn't how it's all supposed to be, innocence is so vicious, infectious, prolly oblivious, it's my Polybius, so ?

it's a mad world and it grows, it glows in the dark, it doesn't matter how far you run, who you are , how far you are, what you've done,  it won't ask, it's prolly Polybius, no ?

this reminds me of you,
you exist.

i resist, but my eyes insist
to take a look one more time,
and then one more-
i think i'll lose my mind
before i go blind,
and then i'll be sure;
you were never mine,
and that's all i know-
no love to breathe,
only this hatred deep inside
to feed, monsters and ghosts,
****** and witches to bleed-
i keep myself
from the outside now.


i sleep without a word,
lonely and cold-
so worthless and vile
the world laughing at me
all this while,
and i sit here, to be sold
face my exile-
a face with no smile,
only distance and walls,
stares at me as if he's watching
something coming back to life,
something that must've died
a long time ago, here's a man
turned into a monster for the show,
here's the man, i see everyday
here's the man who speaks to me
in whispers, i see him in the mirror,
everyday, every-way i walk,
there's something wrong with me-
and it won't stop, oh no, it won't,
my brain would rot and my heart
will be caught on fire.

there was more than love for you,
there was more than desire and
now i cannot explain how lonely
i am here without you,
without your lies, and the liar.

i see what isn't in the mirror,
my mind playing tricks-
i'm always so sick, with a
picture playing in my head,
like a song-
if i don't get rid of it,
i know i'll always be torn.

always in a mourning,
for a want, at a place
no one belongs-
nobody to rescue
somebody to haunt,
there's always a human
inside, hiding somewhere
in the wrongs,
toiling the sky, spoiling
the earth with his arms
hypnotic and strong,
nobody believes in a home
where nobody stays for long.

the world is so static,
there is still a portrait of you
in the attic of my heart,
i thought i was done with
them stones and sticks-
when i found you,
and now when i remember it,
everything is so erratic-
maybe it was a curse,
maybe it was poison
could it be magic,
what was it ?


that made every good memory
i had so tragic-
stained by the ugliness of
your beauty, and a knowing,
that you must be
at a better place now,
outside, and i can't take it.

it reminds me of you,
you exist.

my fingers tremble
my mind fumbles
my thoughts tumble down
the drain
my brain goes blind
my eyes start to bleed
with the pain i keep
the hurt i bleed,
and the sorrow i seed
in my ink.


as i write my suffering
to you
always wondering
where you are
sometimes wandering
there out far
where i can hear
us clear, still-
young and laughing,
still filled, with love
for years to come,
but the time always comes
no matter who you are
or what you do
someday everything has
to burn,
the page has to turn,
so a new tale could be told
and that's how i lost you
and that's why this is,
what was, will always be true,
but i never knew-
i never cared, and now when
i'm here i'm aware, what it means
to have a dream,
what it means to scream just
to dull the silence and null
the violence running through
the veins,
there's pain and then there's
this something more,
that i can't describe, maybe
it's just life, i don't know,
maybe that's how it goes, that's
how it's all supposed to be,
but i see you when i don't want
to see, and i hear you even when
i'm screaming, now you're not even
mine when i'm dreaming,
now, i don't remember your face,
when i look you in the eye,
maybe nothing was true, and it
was all a lie, but i have two kids
there somewhere happy under a
blue sky, and it reminds me,
of me and you, and i hope i go
blind before i forget this too,
before i die here without you,
in the middle of the universe.

here i bleed colours
of insanity,
what i see, of what i hear
what i think, what i wear
and when i'm not wearing
any skin.

wearily my eyes catch
glimpses of universe,
and of much beyond-
in those colours dancing
on the walls of my keep-
just as i fall asleep,
never wanting to wake again.

there's pain, and then
there's nothing,
absolute in its chaos-
so true, loyal to its creed,
it never bleeds an ounce
of anything, no matter
how much you scream at it.

there's nothing true,
not even the light
even the moon-light
splits in seven
on day, and past eleven
if you hold a prism
up close.

and yet here,
in this tiny room
with no doors-
the colours dance for me,
and i'm not even blinking.

thinking about all those
curses, that still plague me-
ghosts and evil and friends,
and laughing my head off-
as i put my head in the ***.

maybe i'll finally lose it
before the night ends.

i don't remember
the voice i found so
beautiful, a while ago,
nor do i recall the warmth
that ruined me for any
winter to come

now it doesn't grow-
what you made me become
the night and horror
comes and goes,
but it is, now just this
another thing,
with a scar on her skin

when i tasted the lows,
i wasted all my sins-
i remember the choice,
but no voice, it's a while since
i heard anything sing

i remember
more than i miss,
i reminisce-
caught in my thoughts
to rot, and in draught,
a desert to suffice-
my thirst for what
i don't remember at all-
and my vice

there are walls,
as tall as the universe
and as mighty as,
the distance, an invisible
resistance, now that the
world is more dangerous-
for it burned down my
world, for being too humble-

i can barely mumble,
your presence across the
years i have withered,
but i remember, a december
you were still a part of me

is that all it takes,
to be entangled-
enchanted forever ?

there will still be
a heart, in somewhere there,
if you take apart all of me

dark sky is weeping,
down a heaven, tears-
sparkling in the sky,
until the sun ends,
everything in its path.

i sat by the window,
as the light ate away
my walls apart.

i hid away by the shadows,
in the hollow, with my scars,
a touch that belongs to no eye,
so much to live a lie.

then bird's came to life,
echoing the nature calling
my name, from afar,
and here i sat, on my throne,
alone and scared, finding
a star.

so cold, as i have always been,
but more now, that the ice
melts, heaven is hell if you have
a need to sin, a want to dim the
divine lights, those, that burn
through the sky every mourning.

to every morning that has
suffered, to every breath
that has struggled to put a name
on lonely whispers-
there's a greed in my veins,
to turn blue and dark,
black eyes, charcoal brain,
a piece of coal for a heart,
so coarse and strange,
stranger still, than you can
ever tell.

there's only noise in silence,
if you don't learn to spell.

only things in the light and
it's violence, no stories and
mysteries to sell, no poet to
bleed, no ghosts to feed, so naked,
with no secrets to read,
in hell, in mayhem.

and as it claimed my home-
the light, i saw my night,
and i prayed, i wished.

and as the light broke in-to me,
kissed me a disease, i could see
the storm approaching-
roaring from far, and with it,
a heaven.

there's face on my face
and it's wearing a smile
there's a face within my face
soaked in tears, full of fear.

there is no mask,
just scars and marks.

and a portrait with nails
poking out.

there's a picture
with a thousand words
and no meaning.

you can find me
in my nightmares
eyes wide open and
dreaming.

i make sense when
it is convenient.

i like dark comedy
when i'm alone.

i like random.
i love chaos.

everything has a meaning,
how boring.

can you tell me
if i am right.

i made no sense
but it's alright.

the bar is low,
so nobody crosses over.

for i know what it
takes to be human.

have a heart and not
to see things get over.

to feel low,
on a mountain peak.

there's something
about loneliness,
that makes silence speak.

i love stars,
and scars.

rain and thunder.

to observe from
a distance, and
wonder.

i'm distant and i,
wander.

with lust and dust,
in equal parts.

i'm not a machine,
but i'm mechanical
if they ever tear me apart.

i'm nothing,
and you won't ever
remember my name.

but that's alright,
i'm the greatest.

and i have no problem,
repeating myself again.

i'm no one,
absolute in my
nothingness.

there's sadness and
my ego at war.

they say be humble.

they say be polite.

but there's no country
for the ugly.

and that's alright.

i've never been
anything else.

tell me i'm pretty
and buy me petty things.

i'll be your slave
and you can be the king.

just tell me
i'm beautiful too,
and i'll show you my
face, and you'll know
what's true.

how do you write
things you want to tell
paint them with colours
by words, them heaven and hell.


fill it up with something
beautiful, something that
won't hurt the reading eye


how do you describe
a feeling, a feeling
you would rather hide.








is it strange to seek
a home without walls ?







is it not the normal-
to breed comfort and
a smile, in a world
you don't fully understand.


what about those scars-
those which make you,
you.


and what do you see,
when you see a sea of blue-
an ocean or the sky ?


birds or fish,
is it selfish to see
what you'd rather see
in a sea, that has nothing
to offer.


i remember when the laughter
used to fill the vacuum,
and i could breathe, as free
and as clear as on a mountain,
miles away from the pollution
down below.


hello. are you still there ?
do you hear me screaming,
do you hear me dying.


how low, is the rock bottom.
i've been falling for a while.


or is it that, i'm flying ?

tell me, how do you sleep ?
in your nightmares,
trying to chase you
to the further corner of your mind-
do you mind the intrusion ?
of those things alien
forming the rain and laughter
faces burnt and stranger
than anything you've ever seen.

tell me, how do you dream ?
when the clowns with evil smile
and God's in different names-
count your pain,
and you finally realise
the lies you've made in-to yourself.

tell me, how can you tell ?
it's only in the mirror,
your eyes and whispers
thoughts those wither
now that you're a drunk again.

tell me, if it's not insane,
to languish in the same memory
day after day,
knowing that time stops for no one.

there's a new sun,
everyday for one to harvest.

the moon sets everyday too,
but everybody's asleep
waiting for the star dust-
to make them their idols
so that when they sit idle,
it's not that lonely, and they're not
the only one there.

tell me, do you still care ?

I've painted the sun on my window
in a hope, that it blinds my every morning, that it keeps me in light
of the shadows all around me.

I've drawn little stars and a smile
on the curtains, dancing against
the stained walls and holes, you can see the sky from.

clouds don't hinder my thoughts,
but feed into me the questions that rained in from far away galaxies,
crashing into the core of reality-
birthing a finality, finally.

stretching the length of my veins,
questions flow to my brain.
every word is like a needle,
abusing my brain, and they tell me
to look myself in the eye,
as if i can't see what I became,
as if i don't realise what's infront of my eyes, when it starts to rain.

i'm drowning in my blames,
i cannot swim in this sea of shame.
i'm just drowning in flames,
peeling my skin where my heart is,
now it is that more easy to give up-
to give in once again.

my train of thoughts is caught up,
to the knees, stuck inside faults and
flaws. there's no law in this barren
land made of star dust and with dusk.

i've read the story word to word,
and still nothing makes sense, no song, no lore-

for it is when you stop looking
you find what you really came for.

..





share your thoughts,
stay humble-
stay in the bubble,
of nothingness, and
the light that makes one
blind.

i have my mind,
and then yours to fathom-
universe is so random and yet,
everything makes sense,
if you let your mind wander
far enough.





there's something in rocks,
and water. beneath all that ice
and laughter. that stops all-
all the disaster of being shipped
back to the same hollowness, walls,
and the better part of silence, science,
of not knowing-
where it all came from.

but stay inside the skin,
away from the approaching
nuclear winter and dead people,
made within the deepest darkness
of a normal mind. for it is the normal,
that is against all that is beyond
the grasp of reality.

we'll always be indebted
to our totality,
until the piper leads himself down the
rabbit hole.

but do share your thoughts,
stay humble, lost-
in your bubble of nothingness.

little red drops of pain
dripping again.

and i'm sipping on
the salt, telling my
brain, that there's a name
i need to burn.

I'm cold, and that's not a lie,
like the ocean i hold, of
delusion, and petty illusions,
that creates a ripple, in the
pond, and i find myself adrift,
and so on my own. in this
confusion.

give me knowledge,
questions. answers are
for scientists and the
redundant. i have an
abundance of those.

i hold myself close.
like thorns to a rose,
i'm my own sin,
nothing ever more.

i am sure, there's a door
somewhere to the light.
somewhere on the right,
away from sight and wrongs-
i've heard so many songs
about kisses and stars,
of names and scars,
i need something else.

i need a new galaxy,
to hold on-to and learn,
to cherish and then burn.

because it is only, i, here,
and i'm not the only one.

he sat on the broken rock,
mesmerised by the morning blue of the sky,
he could see the little mermaid,
going in and out with each wave

he could see the mountains,
and their shadow, floating-
like the dead bodies in any sea
with wind.

how normal failure is,
he thought in a moment of pause,
how normal it is, to not be alive,
the little man said a little louder from the deepest architect of his mind.

he sat wondering about what he came to know,
he sat wandering about in the fields of drought and flowers, insignificance and knowledge,
of thirst and hunger, and something alien that comes with those two.

he sat where he could see the sky and it's blue, and he wondered, lost-
if the sky could ever see or know, how beautiful it is and was ?

and he thought to himself, is that is why there are lakes and ocean's, he blamed-
is that is why it rains ?

A silent symphony plays in the background
Soothing the atmosphere of its whispers and tears 

There's an aroma of quietness all around 
A hint of madness in serenity it bears 

Tommorows cease to exist from now on,
and can you not hear ?

Life singing the yesterday's songs,
To be lost in the approaching calmness my dear 

Time slows down to a halt 
Too tired to move and caress the impending doom 
And night saves the memory to be kept in a vault;
Safe and hidden from the looming gloom.

And I lie in ecstasy 
a dream I longed to dream 

A fading reality 
To be erased of all that I've seen 

And I recall my oldest friend 
A hope that I banished long ago 
But it haunts me again in the end 
And the hope to feel alive grows 
A spark in the embed darkness 
Ignites the desires I locked away 
And it possess me once again 
To let me please my whites and greys 

And I bleed of all that poison 
That this world and I brew 
Letting go of all the answers 
That once my soul knew 
Slowly but surely 
The coldness I nurtured, is replaced by the warmth of my sin,

And I wonder with peace 
What the morrow may bring ?

And I wonder with peace 
When the morrow may ring ?

And I dream away my life 
As I exhale my last precious breath 

Forever lost in my sweet dream 
into the approaching beautiful death.

Wait a moment I'm thinking,
The sadness syncing,
Maybe i'm dead,  I'm never blinking
always in a room closed, in my head
And thinking, and inking, in my bed
Never awake, always sinking.

Bottles by the bed, in my head
with fear shed, and years bled
and my sadness been drinking
All my tears and pain,

Maybe i'm insane, tell me, what's my name ? What's my name ?  Tell me, what's my name ? I'll ask again, what's my name ? Please whisper!

There's nobody else in my brain, It's so filthy and i cannot even look at the man in the mirror.
He makes feel so ugly.




From Compton to the streets
I heard their names
From a random city
I try but i have no game
I have no name, and no shame
Feed me your hollow
I'll eat away a part of your blame
I'll follow you around the world
Just tell me my name ?



I'm no one, no heart, maybe someone
But no scars, I'm tired and done,
so fired up,
In love, here to lose and burn.




I'll never learn that i can
Never ever reach the sky
More lies, sure i'll cry,
If someday i die, before my time
Maybe it's all in my mind
The walls and the rhymes
The kind man and the blind
I don't understand but it's fine

I'm not gonna make it
I hate it, hate that fact
In fact, it makes me want to
Not be mad, makes me sad
That I wasn't raised to be bad
Taught to be mad,

So normal, wearing formal
Staying dormant, fearing gold
And the glittering ornaments
There's no fun in fancy garments
I don't have any green for the
Entitlement,

Maybe I was wrong to seek
Enlightenment,
Not meant to speak anything foreign

Always looking for questions on the line, online, on random forums, what's mine
Whats yours, nobody knows and that's the moment, where you can find your torment,

The pain would still grow and my voice will still hurt, fill my share of world with words and more dirt,

Dawn to dust, gone with rust, here i lust lest i fall in love, and i know i cannot keep up, i'm so fed up, stuck within myself and locked, with no one to talk, not enough space for me to walk, i wear no face and i am who i am not, when I see in the mirror it stops, the clock is shattered, and it doesn't matter who won.

Wait a moment I'm thinking,
The sadness syncing,
Maybe i'm dead,  I'm never blinking
always in a room closed, in my head
And thinking, and inking, in my bed
Never awake, always sinking.

Bottles by the bed, in my head
with fear shed, and years bled
and my sadness been drinking
All my tears and pain,

Maybe i'm insane, tell me, what's my name ? What's my name ?  Tell me, what's my name ? I'll ask again, what's my name ? Please whisper!

There's nobody else in my brain, It's so filthy and i cannot even look at the man in the mirror.
He makes feel so ugly.


that old man on the pavement has no eyes,
It's better to be cold than to live in a fear you cannot describe,
With every tear we hide, more of us, and more of us die,
every year we make a resolution for pollution and we try,
to fly without wings, we can do without things,
they say sky is the limit, but nobody asks why, why can't we search for it within

People going bezerk over little things, and you cannot win,
Or you'll be left in a riddle, felt alight for a while and now i'm back in the middle playing second fiddle to my heart that is brittle,

My pain won't wither, and they won't whisper to me why they linger

All around my soul, masking me whole, and i keep asking why am I so cold ?
Where is the life, my rhymes, that line when I need something to hold

Nothing's new and I've said everything I had to say before,
Painting my blues, as i can, but I don't understand, i'm never sure,

Have no clue, they've locked the door, and now i'm a mad-man.

And the madness grows, the sadness knows, as the winds blows,

And the sand eats the earth, we were all dirt, we are all dust.

And nobody knows.




Yeah, i read, i read all day
I bleed, i feed all day, i see
I'm free all day, and it repeats
It eats into my brain and it feeds
It sinks deep inside my viens
And inks me when I'm asleep
I blink and what i am think-ing
Makes no sense in a heart beat
It's so hard to beat what you need
And what you keep is so hard to reach
Its better to be ripped apart in pieces
Than to leave it out in the open to feed
So broken and apart but still i greed
No smile on my face but i still greet
Every tear with the same surprise
My brain is in a free- fall i cannot
Describe, i don't subscribe to what
I believe, i believe more in lies
They teach more than they preach
And that's enough confusion
To suffice, in so many illusions
You cannot seek that one delusion
And become what you cannot hide
It's true, the dead cannot die
No good-bye's, it's all in our heads
But we don't get, we are designed to
Forget but maybe just not yet, no, not today, I keep telling myself all night
From so far away, there are so many ways,
She could have stayed, he could have stayed, but nobody stays, and nobody stayed, and that's how we were made, so broken and vile.

I breathe beneath the ocean
And i drink my tears out in the open
My head is a night and eyes broken
I say things loud in fear, so rotten
And soon i'll be forgotten.

Wait a moment I'm thinking,
The sadness syncing,
Maybe i'm dead,  I'm never blinking
always in a room closed, in my head
And thinking, and inking, in my bed
Never awake, always sinking.


Bottles by the bed, in my head
with fear shed, and years bled
and my sadness been drinking
All my tears and pain,

Maybe i'm insane, tell me, what's my name ? What's my name ?  Tell me, what's my name ? I'll ask again, what's my name ? Please whisper!

There's nobody else in my brain, It's so filthy and i cannot even look at the man in the mirror.
He makes feel so ugly.




And he keeps me, never leaves me
It loves me and feeds me
When I'm down it needs me
Never around when it eats me
Laid on the ground in the end,
Six feet too deep, or maybe burning
It's better to be afraid than never be
Found, better to hate, than be bitter
It's better to wither than drown.

So wear your crown of ****,
And wear your gown of thorns
That never fits, let it sync
You were born in a ****** place and an old town.

So wear that face, and glow
For nobody can know, it's been sinking and it's been syncing, and you've been dreaming, and it's so loud.


Wait a moment I'm thinking,
The sadness syncing,
Maybe i'm dead,  I'm never blinking
always in a room closed, in my head
And thinking, and inking, in my bed
Never awake, always sinking.

Bottles by the bed, in my head
with fear shed, and years bled
and my sadness been drinking
All my tears and pain,

Maybe i'm insane, tell me, what's my name ? What's my name ?  Tell me, what's my name ? I'll ask again, what's my name ? Please whisper!

There's nobody else in my brain, It's so filthy and i cannot even look at the man in the mirror.
He makes feel so ugly.

O' K    AVI  
MY CONFESSIONS
       ( LYRICAL)
       LINK in BIO
  








I wish I was more than what I turned out to be,
I wish I was who they always wanted me to be
another lie in this sea of corpses hanging on to each other,
without any dreams or sight,







I wish I was as dark as night,
so they could see the flaws in every light,
I wish there was no need to pretend that I am no one yet,
but they know not to forget,
what they once wanted me to be,
I wish I was free in this world locked in chains and scars,
I wish I wasn't a machine and had a heart,







that everything was more beautiful than how they claim,
these empty words that fall down on my conscience like winters rain,
forming icicles that dangle over my head waiting for me to speak,
I wish I was weak,
so I could give in to their desire and leave,







tear a hole in my head and bleed 
away 
every thought they want to ******
I wish I was young again,
so, I could be afraid of the things beneath my bed,
instead of the voices inside my head,
I wish I was dead,
so they could stop counting my every breath,








I am not, what I have always pretended to be,
I am too cold, and they are too old,
to see,
beyond the rainbow where colours still dance in peace,
I wish I could leave,
I wish I could breathe,
in this hollow they call my home,
I'm so alone,
wandering inside my head all alone,







I wish I could mourn but I won't,
it is I who chose not to wage war on the strangers,
that have made me a prisoner within my own skin,
I wish I wasn't always burning,
for I cannot feel the pain no more.

Hey, yo!
Let it go!
There's someone by the door
But are you sure ?
Yeah, why ?

Nothing,
Not any more

But it's still a lore
And like many more

The man in the mirror
Is down, and so outta' control

Ready to explode
Steady to explore

If you don't stop staring back at him
he's gonna explode

And sold,

So, mine to keep
Here and now

He sees me weep

As i stare in his eyes

Inside so deep

I can't leave
I can't breathe
There's somebody here
That's not me

I can't see
He has my eyes
I can't dream

So high and done

I,   and so drunk

I am so drunk

But it Doesn't matter

Here's someone
Who is not me

Here's what I've become

Not me

But that is not what you've been told

You think I'm just cold

Oh,

There's something in my head
doctor I implore

I'm not making stories, I'm six stories up
and i'm trying to jump and fly

I'm not numb, just dumb, but just enough to burn and not be burnt, or i'll die

I've learned so much that i keep looking for the gun

But it Doesn't matter

I, won't lose my funk

Even though all of me is shattered, i'm still having fun

Under the sun, with no place left to run

But I won't lose my funk
But I won't lose my funk

If i have to perish, i'll relish, being a fool and a drunk.


... [ voice starts to fade ]..

I can't breathe
There's someday here
That's not me

I can't see
He has my eyes
I can't dream

So high and done

I, and so drunk

I am so drunk

But it Doesn't matter

Still funk
Still funk

Yeah, cause I'm  not breathing

Yeah, cause I'm not leaving

Oh, can't you hear me screaming

So drunk still a punk

I am still dreaming

Still FUNK.


[Yeah, cause I'm  not breathing

Yeah, cause I'm not leaving, no

Oh, can't you hear me screaming

I am still dreaming

Still FUNK.]


[ part 2]


Hey, yo!
Don't you know there's a show
It's exclusive
And for the only

So elusive and lonely

Trust me,

It's confusing and
You have no money

No honey in your arms

No bed to warm

No place to stay

A face like any other

But with nothing to say

No kingdom to rule
No freedom to crave

Sometimes i wonder if i can swallow the thunder and fade away

I wander, in mind al-ways

In so many ways

Night and day

But I never stay for long

It's as if I don't belong, anywhere

Still here, listening to songs

Good songs, bad songs, sad songs

All day long, with nothing to do

And they keep reminding me of you

And I don't know what to do

Nothing was so much better than this

Oh, now i need a hit

Never been hit like you before

Used to eat them bullets and now i'm just so hollow


And this emptiness is there and it follows
The darkness is here and it'll swallow

Oh, somebody please make me a door

So i can leave this place

It isn't, what it was worth for

[ voice fades ]


Sure, it had it perks but no more
Now it just hurts and then some more

I'm not here to speak but I don't know

How to stop, i'm so annoying, i can hardly watch

Myself from becoming the dread




Oh   , here's another man found dead




He keeps peeking at me through a moment to feel sane

As it lingers

In the mirror, as he , whispers my name


There's something in my head
Oh, doctor I implore

I'm not making stories,
I'm six stories up and i'm trying to jump and fly

I'm not numb, just dumb, but just enough to burn and not be burnt, or i'll die

I've don't want to be in my forties when I start  to cry


I'm not making stories,
I'm six stories up and i'm trying to jump and fly

I'm not numb, just dumb, but just enough to burn and not be burnt, or i'll die


I know everybody worries before the good bye

But there's  no good when you die, and it's all a lie, and it's all why you cry,

no more tries but I can't survive if i'm not alive i'm not here to fight

i'm not here to chase the light i'm not here to be a hero


i'm just tryna' pass this life by

Haha

I can't breathe
There's someday here
That's not me

I can't see
He has my eyes
I can't dream

So high and done

I, and so drunk

I am so drunk

But Dosent matter

Still funk
Still funk

Yeah, cause I'm  not breathing

Yeah, cause I'm not leaving

Oh, can't you hear me screaming

So drunk

I am still dreaming

Still FUNK.

I've learned so much that keep looking for the gun



But it Dosent matter

I won't lose my funk

Even though all of me is shattered, i'm still having fun

Under the sun, with no place left to run

But I won't lose my funk
But I won't lose my funk

If i have to perish, i'll relish, being a fool and a drunk.

I get sad, when the hit gets over  

Don't just stalk me, talk to me
Come over

Tell me, what is it, that still pains, if something remains ?
And if you've been to the doctor who has a face but no name
A place but no money or fame

Just a castle of regrets, but no maids or monsters to serve his purpose
and it's hard to forget what life is,



how you can describe the flavour of a circus.
minds don't have the capacity enough these days to walk ways and be polite, inspite, we all must have the strength to end the friends who hurt us.

the voices in our viens, same voices, different choices, messing up a good part of our brain.




It's not about me or you, back to you, and me from you, when you, me, and you, crave for something new,

and now i'm just alone in my old, so cold, so sold, with nobody to hold and I have absolutely jack did to do,
Already in a depression and it just, all,
keeps getting lower,



so huge are these walls, of my room, within the gloom, where i hide the body of do-h-er,
i don't have enough skills to woo her,

so somebody can you please, anybody will you see, there's nobody here free, anybody can you see, the somebody cut down the tree,
now everybody is angry because nobody did somebody,



that makes no sense, or does it, i don't get it, but it's still a story and ten thirty and i'm already off the track,

if i don't stop now, i might get a heart attack,

and my heart's not with me,

but now I never get sad, I wish there was more to be had,

I was a good lad,



a little mad, riddle on sand, castle in waves, a book not for you to understand,

but it means nothing, because i still feel so ***** and dead,

i'm feeling thirsty, i think my head will find my bed, i'm done with dread
it's time i take some rest, time is some lady,



somebody please slow her,
I get sad when **** gets over
Don't just stalk me come talk to me,
become over.

BE, COME, OVER.





But I'm already alsleep i'm such a loner

This winter won't cease and i know i'll melt in summer

I'm done, I'm done with feeling sick empty inside, i don't want to haunt her

No please go Let go, oh no, you don't understand it don't want her

I don't know her I can't keep this up

I'm not in love and i don't want to be tortured




The vultures are here circling my brain and I'm there picking my sane veins

Ready to give in, just take a name and i'll do it
everything they've just said, means nothing at all in its meaning,
So demeaning,



every thought I have in my head is what they say is what is dreaming,
I ain't done yet so I'm obviously not leaving,

no, not any time soon, but if there's a monsoon i might take shelter,

there's no need to pretend I'm afraid of the rain but i guess they need to see that i'm more civilised than better,
whatever, it's not a question of when but never ever,




stories are false, and there are no flaws, just faults when things come together,
for nothing's perfect enough to be perfected by her no matter how much you traverse the weather all across the world, looking for hurt so you can feel better than dead,

it's just sad tale of regrets that i cannot forget and sooner or later I'm gonna be fed up of the latter



and take my life out for a spin as i take a hit in, to be smoked by the man in the leather,

tell me i'm a sick ****, with no luck and i have absolutely nothing beautiful, so I should just shut up,

instead of making non sense and half rhymes, half of the time, they're not even mine,


but some stranger in my mind that wants me to be kind when i'm not,
please, somebody make it stop, release me from this spot, i'm tired of being who i am not, i'm not me, i'm not free, i'm wired to be shocked, when ever something good happens to me. locked by the clock,




as i'm becoming someone i'm not ever needing, just bleeding as i walk, searching for god.

Oh, Lord! I have to stop now.

https://soundcloud.com/aviisevil/lyrical-in-genuis ( visit this link )

i still miss you more everyday,
now that you're not here and m-ine.
such a fool, that i thought you'd stay
but i was so young at that t-ime.

now i don't have much to say,
since we went our way and left us behind.
sometimes i still find tears, and pray,
but i know love's not an exact science.




[ but then, there's this moment of silence,
  and all i can think, is of you, and the
  violence;

  there are so many of us here and we're
  dy-ing,
  breathing in ink, waiting for her to make
  us fall in love.                                                 ]




there's something in the morning sk-y,
that makes me want to keep shut my  eye,
if i don't dream i know i will die,
if i don't ever scream you won't know, that i tr-y.

now everything else is just escaping my head, and i'm wondering about l-ife-
if i'll ever understand it, before it leaves me for dead.

i don't need this day, i want to go back to bed, i feel so wrong-
i wish all my troubles would go away, if i keep my eyes shut for a little long.




[ but then, there's this moment of silence,
  and all i can think, is of you, and the
  violence;

  there are so many of us here and we're
  dy-ing,
  breathing in ink, waiting for her to make
  us fall in love.                                                 ]




back to home and i feel so lonely,
what do you do when you lose your only ?.

i've seen the movies, and i know there are so man-y,
but if i had to choose i won't choose an-y.

for all of my heart is whispering in one vo-ice,
if i'm really made for it, do we really have a ch-oice ?
is there something else out there for me too, other than this all void ?

is it just the pain, or am i,
am i too old to take a fall ever again ?


[ but then, there's this moment of silence,
  and all i can think, is of you, and the
  violence;

  there are so many of us here and we're
  dy-ing,
  breathing in ink, waiting for her to make
  us fall in love.                                                 ]

the ill on my lips
is filled
with hurt in my heart
and the thrill
in my veins;
of knowing
there's a sadness
coming again,
to soothe all my scars

as the salt on my tongue
keeps reminding me
of the tears i cry

it'll still take
an ocean's worth
for the love to dry

you're still as beautiful as the morning sky, the reason to my rhyme,

don't care about that many miles, i don't have any lines to combine,

words don't save you when you're blind.

i needed somebody and i found you,

so thank you for being there for me, when it was the time,

i'm so sorry that i had so much hate in me, that i wasn't right in my mind,

but i hope you're alright and everything's fine, you still smile-

and that you're closer to that place that you always wanted to find,

i know you have it in you to shine, bird, i know it now, i knew it then, when you were mine.  

so one of a kind, but i guess it's fine 'cause we are all designed to forget with time

and before i do, i want to say thank you before i forget you, and after all it's you,

so i don't have to say anything to you, for the laughter was true, as true as you was and I,

and i know you'll miss me too, it's a good-bye.

Ingenious, that clever man is heinous, completely outrageously mental genius.

but again what's in the name if it's just a game and the dream is the genie in us

so rub yourself and pardon me, but learn to love yourself, stop guarding me.

the you in me is swallowing me,
the me in you is always following me, i
don't get how i can forget you're which part of me, *****.

i don't regret but if i could, i know, i would cut you out of me,
go ahead, give a head, see if i have a **** to give instead, for i'm just as dead but let them ghosts shout at me.

end the lie of me, i've had enough to see, and if i cannot be free i cannot be,
there's no end to me. you don't know anything about me.

because it's not about me.

it never was, it was me, i was lost, counting all my flaws, writing down in ink all their laws.

everything that they taught had some thing that was not alright,
but i could not stop because i did not have it in me to fight.

maybe i was a coward but that's how it works when you're used to the night.

the sun is too bright, you're confused by the light and the world, there are no words left to describe your hurt.

and you need somebody to hold you tight but it's just cold and you're old with no one by your side. **** that girl, right ?

the one who did not leave you alive.

left you down to drown into the sound of your screams that you dream every time your mind means to lean on what had been
but is not, because everything else has died. but you,

and you're still being nice. *******. all you care about is you, what about me ?

can't you see ?

i'm pretty, depressed, petty and obsessed with my thoughts suppressed caught in stress and it's hard to digest that i must ingest the mess of my nothingness,

my mind cannot rest, there's a world war going off inside of me, outside i'm lost on me, there's a god but maybe he's not aware of me, can somebody please take care for me ?

**** that, i don't need you here for me, i'm blessed and sold in my serenity, and i feel i must inject my-self with hell, if i want to get rid of me,
just for a moment riddle me, don't tell if can spell what's in-side of me, i'm so usually out-side of me, so foolishly wise of me, to have a doubt when it's not nice of me to trust you to trust me.

there's so much i do not speak, so much inside of me that cannot dream,
i do not sing well, but there's so much to scream, and nothing to tell to anybody.

well, that's not true for everybody, maybe i'm afraid, what my mama will say,
what papa will say, when i'll be nobody on my way, sitting in hell, meeting everybody.

but again what's in the name if it's just a game and the dream is the genie in us

Ingenious, that clever man is heinous, completely outrageously mental genius.

my head is too light

         lights are too bright
         bright is the night
        
         somebody hold me
         tight
        
         for i know i'll wake up
         sad tomorrow







        
         no matter how much
         i hide,
         it follows;
        
         always by my-side
         somewhere back
         in my mind
        
         somewhere here
         black in my time
         even when
         i'm feeling fine

         stopping the world
         from reaching me

         there's no reasoning
         no season in
         when you're stuck in
         this place

         mesmerised by a face
         or stuck in a maze
         nor dead or amazed

         begging for a moment
         silent and kind

         away from this
         endless emptiness,
         and eyes blind
        
         there's so much violence
         that i cannot find,
        
         my voice in this noise
         of nothingness,
        
         that's brings me every
         night
         some circus of sorrow,
         and pain

         somebody hold me
         tight
        
         for i know i'll wake up
         sad tomorrow,
         again.

Love is strange. It is even more stranger when you're a man. It's stranger than a woman's love. It's different than love of a parent for his child. It's different than almost any love out there. And it's because nobody really talks about it. Nobody is really sure because men are like that. We'll always be like that.


Because when a man loves he is ready to die, die for people who he has never met. Die for people he cares about. Die for nothing. Because a man won't love you with all his heart, no, that's not enough for any man i know out there. You see, unlike women, men love with all their soul. I know you'll stop me here for a moment and tell me that i am wrong and that a women loves as much as a man does, that there's no difference in the amount of love, because love is after all just love. I agree. All I'm saying is, it's different in its quality than quantity. It's a different way of loving and that cannot be untrue. For all there is, and all that has been said. There'll always be a difference between a man and a woman. It's the way it should be. Because they complete each other in ways they can't be on their own. A woman might love diamonds because it makes her feel beautiful. A man buys a Ferrari because he finds it beautiful. A subtle difference and a bad example. But a difference nevertheless. I'm not sure what I have in me that wants to express this part of me as I write this. Maybe it's because I am a man and i'm not made to understand the mechanism of love. I'll just love her if I find her beautiful and she'll be beautiful not because she is, but because I find her beautiful. That's the most simplest way I can explain how any man loves. Note there's still a hint of ego somewhere because a man will always love with all his soul and by extension, his ego will be there somewhere. That's not necessarily bad, it cannot be, anything which makes us human, makes us human. A woman will always entertain a mans flaw. A man will fall in love with hers. A woman has enough strength to leave somebody she may love. I don't think men can do that, a man, i think cannot ever leave somebody he loves truly. Even if he knows his presence is negative, that it would be better if he walks away, he won't. Because men are designed to fight till the end. Because he will fight for you, if he loves you, even when he knows he'll lose. That's how a man loves, and you know why ?, because he was to make a woman fall in love with him. If only that was easy.

i hope i find you someday
again.

walking down the street
as beautiful as the first day
again.

wearing same smile
world in your eyes.

bearing all this while
my reason to be alive.

i hope i find you someday
again.

walking down the street
and it's about to rain.

i hope i see you like that
once again.

i know then,
i'll remember your voice
for in the end,
i had no choice but to
delete you

and now after so many
years without you

i still don't have a clue
if there was any without you

for i can still feel you
in my arms

as if you never left
as if you have always been.

you were right here always
in my dreams,
walking down the street,
like we're still sixteen.

always.

*****, i cannot change it
if i could, i would escape this
you and me are outrageous.

i don't have it in me to fight
i feel so hated, i cannot take it
i hope i'll be alright.




lookin' back to the summer lovin' and selfishly countin' bliss,
i've been through a grimmer something, but never more than this,

how it all comes back to nothing, how do you ever escape from it ?
i see in the mirror, i see a grin and her hurting and it makes me sick

if you don't know what pain is, how do you paint it ?
how do you figure out a way to say you know what faded

how do you tell them that the pain inside you is dangerous
to keep them their distance or they'll be burnt pages
                                
tell them to stop sayin' it!




*****, i cannot change it
if i could, i would escape this
you and me are outrageous
so many different faces

been through so many stages
so true about them phases
the way they say it
it's all true ain't it ?

love is it ?

the way life out paces
and everybody just races
it never fails to amaze me
how much everyone has waited
to feel alive

lord, help me through the night,
if i could, i would escape this
i don't have it in me to fight

i feel so hated, i cannot take it
i hope i'll be alright.

:zone zero: :alone:


what am i doing back on the phone, back on the drone, i admit i am alone, like ozone
in the air and i don't care if you're aware i'm not in the zone,
sometimes i wish i could ****** my own clone,
i hate everybody and everything he owns,
when i'll be gone there'll be no one left behind to mourn,
i'll be just lost in death as i was alive, in my time i roamed,
all across my mind and galaxies as far as i could to atone,
for my insecurities and responsibilities, they don't gel well in a broken home,
suspectible to them sticks and stones,
don't be a **** if you've never had your mind-known,
there's a circus fit, the circuits lit, let the circle sit in the middle of the riddle that has your mind-blown,
you won't understand a single thing, if you don't linger in ink,
long enough for the seeds to be sown,
i have a shot attention span, so many thoughts hunt and spam,
everybody just running to please the known man on the throne
the screen is glittering with ****, enough to make me sick,
there are so many infected by it, soon i'll be one of this,
i can feel the delusions have grown, the more illusions are born
at every opportunity thrown out of the window to rot and be ******
and as i look out that window world still feels hot but too out grown,
i'm happy on my own in my zone. zero. hollow.


:one: :two many:

i hate you today i'll hate you tomorrow
i hated your love i'll hate your sorrow
there's not enough air left to swallow
i suppose i'll be dead alone and hollow

surely in my head where thoughts follow the reason to dread anything that's not impervious to change,
i mean, me and myself are pretty strange, petty and ugly out ranged,
not in frequency like the rest of them, not trained,
not tamed, there's something wrong in my brain,
so come along and become a song as you find a voice to sing and shame,
the person who died because you said it's alright if you see the light at the end of tunnel where i found myself staring at a mirror again,
i'm back where it all begin, in the reflection looking for a name,
but there's so much hate that i cannot wait to hate you more as i waste myself in haste to make myself the monster i became,
i won't blame your tastes but, you're just a lame luck, a shame bud,
and i gave you all you could take thus you took everything but the pain such,
left me alone and cold on my own with blame enough,
that all the love got flooded in flames and now i'm stuck,
with all this hate that's deep down and shut,
i feel like a clown and a ****, so tough, ready to combust,
i'll be awake from night till dusk, reminded that i must hate you till i bleed to dust.

:three: : i wasn't humble:

and i can find myself often in a situation where the words fumble,
and i tumble down under into another void, i have no voice,
so many times it would have been wise to surrender,
but i was open up wide and i chose to ride the thunder,
and now here i wonder, if all my principles were insane ?
if a good man is really that huge opportunity of nothing to gain,
is it okay to be strange ?, is it not okay to be changed ?
when everything is evolving around you how right is to remain the same ?
and i still wander, in the lane, where the fast one's run and rise
is it easier to become again who you became and other-wise,
there's nobody out there to welcome you to the other-side,
all side's are the same, if you can see the clues in blue light,
it never mattered if you cannot see the atoms in violence,
there's only silence where you fight-
sitting on your made up throne, wearing a crown of your broken bones,
sipping the wine aged by your tears, you made a kingdom yet nobody's here,
you don't even have the luxury of a broken home, and it's clear,
there's no time-travel and you have wasted so many of your years,
in need of a few eyes and ears, there's not much on me i fear,
i'm even worse than i am, when i'm near a mirror that's dear,
watching the reflections sing to me  before as i,

:four: :paradise:

paradise in a pair of dice, repair ice, build me frozen lies-
cold and soothing, a puff of smoke and the time flies,
nothing to check or choke, how the mind-flies, into unknown, where the blind man tries,
to see the world, to find and understand the words in his sight,
don't let go, we're plunging back to earth and i'll lose you if you don't hold my hand tight,
we'll never reach the sky, falling back to where the dreams die,
i don't want the light, i want the dark and the cold to hold me all night,
i wasn't told you'd have to earn the fun by setting fire to the paradise,
i'll set fire to the paradise, and we'll both burn in hell for an eternity,
there's no love for me in this city, i'd have to leave you by your side,
take away my vice, travel all the way away never sin and be nice,
so i can learn how to keep you in, read in ink, breathe and win,
every battle that i wasn't prepared when you looked at me and clicked your heels thrice,
it's not paradise, if you need to survive, i've only died like twice,
and a million times more only to come back alive,
it's not para-dise, if it can-not die.

:count to five: :be dead:

there's no brain in my head, every time i take a breath, i go back to bed,
it's hard to fight the loneliness when you're not well,
i go back to myself, strangle myself, angle myself from a high and jump,
my brain made me do so many stupid things that i became a joke,
now i don't suffocate when i choke, get high when i smoke,
turn the wheels when i walk, i talk stupid when i talk,
on purpose i sting and shock, close the doors, burn and lock,
all that i have learned is that i have turned into a clown,
with tears in my eyes and words on my lips,
enough stings to sing them something that brings them the bliss,

but they've to all go back before it's nine,

these *******' lovers are so hard to find, i don't trust them with all my mind,
end these times, with fake *** people and their feeble kind,
the **** gets deeper the more you grind, and it's ain't a hole if it's a *****,
take me for my rudnes but i can't be that blind,
i've seen the signs, i've served my crimes, don't look at me like you can't bear me,
like i'm so ugly that you don't even feel me,
i've been left behind, and now it's just me and sadness,
talking about how i'll never be fine, my heart's telling me it's my time,
that's it for me, world wants to get rid of me, i don't belong,
and every thought in my head feels so negative and wrong,
it's just the narrative, trust me it's many more times more strong,
it's so cold where i sit that i'm sure of it, i'm sure i'll freeze everything that warms,
so i never find myself not numb, i'm not that dumb, but i hope i never find myself  in your arms,
i hope you forget me, delete me, count to five and i'll be gone,
some people never get to build a home, for they're the storm,
everything comes and goes, they've come and gone, earned and known,
made whole and be torn, into a million pieces to be born again,
over and over again, until the wheels stop rollin',
the voices stop callin',
there's nobody waiting,
so start walking back to where you are,
the night is full of stars,
and the wheels are still rollin'
stop controllin' and you'll reach where you are,
the light is full of scars,
so switch off the lights, and the tears will stop falling,
there's nobody else strolling in the lanes where you find yourself today,
i won't be loved by nobody, until i dive into a grave some-day,
wearing black, everybody would come around to give respect that would have nothing to say,
nobody cares for you like you do for the man in the mirror night and day,
but the man in the mirror has someone else in his eyes all day,
so blind, enchanted by the shine, of an artificial sun,
that'll burn everyone if the reflection stays.


i've come and gone in so many ways, that now i'm just tired-
that it's the time i count to five, and burn my-self in the fire.

here, somewhere lost in deep ways
i talk to myself a lot these days
somebody put a stop or i'll de-cay
haven't slept, now it has been three days

heaven has wept, all that is kept must be repaid,
if you put your mind to rest, the thoughts will eat you away-
don't look in the mirror lest you'll find so many things to be said,
and you'll hear them whispers;
don't mind regrets that one day you will learn to hate.


so wait for your turn to burn before you find a reason to stay,
if you see the sun you'll see the moon but you're blind by the peasant day
if there's no noon, only monsoon, how soon would the time fade ?
with nothing to do, the sky wouldn't be blue, how much gloom can a mind take ?
is mi-ne fake ?,
because i can't find no fun in a pleasant day

i'm not trying to find a clue but is it true that the dying stays ?
i'm nobody new but somebody you knew does that count today ?
you're a strange man you, every time a different view, so many mistakes,
but i really know you well, oh hell, don't tell, i pray, i do
you know me well too, we're the same you and i, we're one, we're two

a thought and a *****, a lonely dream that never grew, a rotting plague
i'm so afraid, the demons i've made will all eat me alive,
small and tall, breaking all the walls, in the night, in the light,
how do you fight ?
with an ocean by a broken faith,

i talk to myself so i don't ever forget this place,
in a room full of hate, it's easy to regret the burnt flakes,

the burned flames, screaming into the stunned tears,
nobody to blame but our own fears, shunned ears, closed eyes-
i've lost so many years to the earned lies,
now i don't need my own cray-
but i keep them astray and close by, so alone away

i breathe stray,
i thought you could stay

tears in ashtray
nothing to say-

here, somewhere lost in deep ways
i talk to myself a lot these days

somebody put a stop or i'll de-cay
it was never supposed to be this way

the need to write is taunting my head, i've screamed so many times but there are still monsters under-neath my bed,

if it's alright then, why am i so pleased to be upset, is this world just a lie, is it just my mind and when one day i'll be dead ?

it doesn't make any sense, there's not enough fuel for suspense, it's as simple as it gets, multiply it by complex

life is just a paradox and that's all we ever get, learn and forget,
get trained and then get canned for being a lonely pet,
if there was only a place to rest, when we're tired and have questions, because guess life's just a test,
why is that so hard to be blessed ?

i've confessed all my sins but there's no forgiveness to my self,
they don't know how to read my words not in ink, and i know that for myself,
if i ever want to run away i can't, you can never escape from yourself,
and it gets harder if you ever find that you have nobody to tell,

that's a one way ticket to hell,
you have only your soul to sell


smoke is just a reminder of what was, something lost-
travelling in circles and out of depth

it's so hard to stop for a moment and take a breath

i fear death, as i fear life

there's nobody else left alive, in my head everything is dead, nothing survived

i'm an apocalypse and there's no place left where i can hide
every thought is another battle that i have no strength to fight.

the storm is awake and the moon has swallowed the night,
i don't know what to do, i can barely see in all this light.

it's gonna' burn all night, inside of me and it's gonna' burn all of me alright.

Voices are getting louder in my head
I can see my eyes, I can see the dead
There are no monsters beneath my bed
Just me alone on it inside this head

Breathing the smoke
DYING as I breathe
The more far I run
The more close I reach

The more I seek
The less I learn
The more I am free
Faster I burn

Harder I scream
Stronger I become
More I dream
Longer I burn

Without your turn
You can be nobody
You're just someone
Like them everybody

And in the end
We won't be friends
I know you won't like me
rotten eyes and ugly body

Somebody hunt me down
I need to calm down my nerves
With death on my back
Give me what I deserve


Count to three
Back to dead
You and me
Blacked to death

No more voices
In my head

Have to let
Go before I can let
Myself forget
The regrets

Not ready to bet
Not steady and set
Unstable
And they keep callin' me names
Like I'm the one insane

There's no place to rest
All faces test
My will to be nice lest
I'll carve them a smile

And i don't remember what I was doing all this while,
It's like my sub-conscious sent my mind in exile,
Technology is dead and i don't know who to dial,
There's no network in this hell and there are no miles,

Just an endless sea as far as you can see
Right in front of your eyes
It's no secret that you can be who ever you wish to be
In your dreams where you can't die

There are so many addictions today
You'll be stupid enough not to try

When one day you'll perish anyway
Why don't you live your lies

Who told the truth that they're not true?
Is Santa clause a lie ?

He's on every street
Selling all night

It's all around you
Jump off that building if you ever want to learn to fly

It's even easier to own the sky

Said the rich guy with a sick smile too sly,
There's a strange man inside of me and he's too shy,

Always talking non-sense.

I'm sorry, how the time flies

I apologise.

So many people in this parking lot
It's over-crowded and they talk a-lot
I wasn't welcome but oh, I forgot-
But now that I am here tell me
If I am hot or not, yay or nay

Cold or warm, *** or not
**** or game, **** or not
Shut or vain, dumb or not

A loser and a shame,
It won't matter to them, if it gets you numb or not-
They won't stop, it won't end, unless your brain begins to rot
I kid you not, once there was a story and now the man's just caught
With all that crap they had to sell he bought it all
All their walls, short and tall, raised and taught-
All their words and all their all, but he couldn't get them though
And now he's just waiting to let them go,
He fell in love but they didn't know, it's all his fault;
he was a boy and now it's his turn to learn and grow, let him find his flow
Find himself in that well where he fell, with no story to tell
screaming this is hell, this is hell, somebody can you make it slow
The world's too fast and I didn't know,
I was the turtle and the rabbit had golden toes,
It was just the habits and now i'm ****** and I can't make it snow
get them hoes, never make it rain, out and stuck, in my high and lows
Painting stains, there must be something better out there, then demon and saints
In here,  things are just waiting to explode,
I'm ready to explore, but it's so crowded that i can't control myself,
when i am doubted by myself, because they told me so
But if i don't do this, I won't be a part of their show

And nobody would cross my path in the parking lot.

And I don't want to be lonely, not today, not ever so,
I will listen to them with a smile until I can't no more.

Until I can't no more.




Such a mess
A broken soul
A broken soul
Non-sense
It's all for the show
It's all for show
Don't be restless
So senseless
Let it go
Let it go
Let it end,

Parking lot's not the place to make friends.