trickle down
in pieces

in so many
that not any
can piece it

let fickle minds
do the thesis

the riddle
that you are

they'll never
complete it

separating thoughts
      from my head


fighting the demons
     haven't slept

awake every second
    nobody to tell


this is hell
this is hell
I swear, it feels like it

this is hell
nobody to tell
i fear, i'll be like this

forever in my soul
nobody to love or hold
watch time grow old
a heart gone cold

how do you live
like this anymore ?


there's no spell
this is hell
i swear, i'm so naked

nothing to sell
this is hell
my dear, i have waited

for so long
in this lake of fire
that now i am nothing
but ash
and you'll always be
what i could never have

a part of me
bearing my black

a dream unsold
never be, untold

how do you
get it all back ?

for i swear,

this is hell
this is my hell
i swear, it's mine to keep

nobody to tell
all i have felt
for an eternity

somewhere within me
burning me

for this is hell
this is hell
i swear, it's true

this is hell
this is hell
my dear, here without you.

h


h













        H O P E













The little child kept walking through the forest. Only ever stopping to look around to make sure nobody was following him. He was running away from home.


















His home was a thousand miles away from where he was at the moment. Afraid and lonely. It felt only yesterday when he sat by the window within the warmth of his home.
















Now all he saw was strange and confused. His eyes were having a hard time adjusting to the frequency of this wander land.















There was something barren in life here. Something felt made up and painted. There was no taste in the air. There was no feel to the wind.


















Yet, he kept walking on. In silence and alone. He was sure nobody else survived. He was sure he was going no where.



















And just before he was about to give up. There was a flash in the sky. So bright that the sky almost melted into a night. He felt it.
















He felt it rising through the wind. It was making his heart beat faster. The bright light burst into a big cloud of fireball, almost divine by design.











The little child closed his eyes and bent down on his knees. This was salvation.

A few seconds later, he was torn apart in pieces.














h

There was a time when I wanted to fly. There was a time when I wanted to feel as alive as possible. Now I'm just scared. Afraid, of how things can go wrong in one second. One moment you are someone and the other moment someone else. There's no story here. No words or figures. Just me. Just me and you. I don't know why you're here. I don't want to know. But I know you know what I'm talking about. You know the pain. We all do. If you don't, just pretend you're lucky. Because you're not.

Pain is universal for us. We can't possibly imagine a world without pain. We pretend it is something evil and cursed. Something rotten and broken. But it's not. It's the only truth other than death. That's the only thing that will still hold your hand when you're waiting for death to come. It is your most trustworthy friend. The only true friend that let's you be.

Death takes you away. Happiness makes you forget who you really are. But pain. Oh, the pain. How many countless artists and art has been made because of pain ?. Almost all of it. Because pain teaches you about a world that is far and isolated from everything. Where you can be truly you. At your best and worst.

But I don't like pain. It's just not for me. I don't thrive in pain. I give myself up. Some people create when they're in pain. I destroy. You can make art both ways. You just can't choose which one belongs for you. And it's killing the world.

The problem in the world is that we're all afraid. We're all afraid to love and be ourselves. We can blame it on everything else but honestly it's our fault. It's inside us and we weren't taught to respect it, we weren't taught to separate pain from love. For us it's the opposite faces of the same coin. Pain is not absence of love, Nor is love presence of happiness. It's born inside everyone differently. It's like our DNA, different for everybody.





We're not taught about freedom anymore. But rules and laws. We're not taught about how we can be ourselves but how we can be someone else. It's a race and we're all losing. We're all losing because there's no finish line. We're all just running because the first guy began to run and then the next followed him. Now anyone who doesn't run will find himself lonely. There's nobody left standing still. Everybody is busy in running to no where. The world feels small now. The universe feels explored. There are more answers to questions now, but we're still clueless.




There is more love to be had now more than ever. There are so many of us now.

But where is love ?. Where is this magical thing. Where does it hide ?.

When I was little I searched for it in people. When I grew up I searched for it in my heart. And today, with a broken heart I know where it is.

Far and unreachable but somewhere beautiful and warm.


There's no pain as the pain from a broken heart. It swallows every inch of your body, your soul, along with every positive energy in the world. It swallows time itself.

The worst part is, even if you could go back and change things... you wouldn't.

That's not love. That's the pain.

That's the pain telling you that you not only need something but something that was a part of you is missing.

The pain is what keeps the love alive and in a way keeps the world alive.

And We'll be nothing without love.

Not with our skyscrapers and latest technology, addictions and trends.

Have you ever met a man who lost on love ? Who saw his love slowly walk away leaving him alone in the universe.

Do you think he still enjoys good food or music ?

Do you think those things matter anymore ?

Love is magical. Magic does not exist. It only appears in a moment briefly only to disappear.

Leaving you scratching your head because you have no clue what hit you.

Getting hit by a train is better, some would say. It's not even anywhere close in my opinion.

And when you're in that pain. You realise there's no difference between love and pain.

But the difference you make.

It's as much more important to heal the world today than live within ourselves in pain.

It's as much more important to stop running for a moment and see around ourselves. See if somebody needs to be picked up.

And love is the only thing strong enough to make us stop.

But you now what ?.

Pain is the only thing that will make you stay.

if i have to die in fire
then that's all i'll remember
in burning flames seething
fleeing my soul

feeling all that i've conspired
must have taken it's toll

it's her another december
and that's all i remember

now that i have surrendered
a part of my whole



there's so much more
than what it used to be
she
growing wings and
escaping into the sky

i've seen her cage
that endless sea

fallen in my ink
as i paint her a bird
to dream and fly


and if i have to fade
with my desire
for her will to live  

then that's all i'm 'gonna do

i have made myself
into a liar
where i sit

this place that isn't true

so
burn me

when you find me
or i'll come back to life

turn me
into a zombie

it's better than
being alive

the world doesn't want me
and it's alright

tell ghosts to haunt me

i don't want to dream about her
all night.

when no one loves nobody,
there's not someone for everybody
some have a soul, a mind
some have just a rotting body

falling apart in pieces

i've tried to be alive
but i just cannot feel it

it feels as if i do not need it

how pretty it would be
if i could leave all this

far, far behind
never completed.




and nobody dies
everybody would cry
there'll be a sun in the sky
with tears in his eyes

don't ask me to lie
you don't have to ask me why

it's all just a beautiful life.




don't tell me you don't mourn
when you're there on your own

and the world passes you by

in that tale of sorrows
even whispers hunt and pry
there was once a river here
before the thirst made it dry

and i just stood there,

screaming into the hollow
searching it for a reply

but the shadows are all in love
dancing on naked cracked walls
bearing their all,

in a moment that makes me cry

there's so much more to empty
now that i have to leave this place
bleach my face and say good-bye



and nobody dies
everybody would cry
there'll be a sun in the sky
with tears in his eyes

don't ask me to lie
you don't have to ask me why

it's all after all
just a beautiful life.

there's nothing to see
i'm not free

i'm so hollow i cannot speak
there's this nothing to be

i wonder why everything's  
on a repeat  

who left his brain out ?
this virus will eat

there's nothing to gain from this
so why don't you leave me

alone with my words
i need some sleep

stop poking at my mind
with your drugs and your
shine so fine

makes me want to rhyme
on a piece of paper

i'm so glad we're still strangers
or we'll have nothing to speak

there's so much to be said
but no one knows how to read

to believe
too relieved

two seeds
can make a naked
forest breed

teachers don't teach
preacher won't preach

and it doesn't mean anything
because no one knows everything
there's always something
that cannot really sing

just an ugly face
with no voice

there's beauty
and then there's a choice

a noose to fill
you choose your thrill

everything kills
so why are you still

so afraid to die
tell me why

nothing means everything
when you know how to lie

to your brain
and see the magic
through closed eyes

life is tragic
the more you cry

jump off that balcony
to see if you can fly

if you make it
meet me on pluto

wear a tie

don't worry
if you cannot breathe

and there's no reply

i'd be waiting there
for you

where sky's not blue

holding a sign

that reads
nice try but
you're dead too

i spent all my time
being emotional


i spent all my time
being stupid

i never came to know
which love was mine

so alone in my mind
searching for a cupid

reaching for something
i could find and live with

now there are no lines
and nothing rhymes

it's all a blur and i'm so blind
living off of the fumes
of a dream so lucid


if i never wake
it's fine

i don't need you
to remind

never used a gun
i don't need the shine

don't know anyone
but so many promises
to blind

i don't need your sun
whatever is fine

go ahead
you can remove it

annihilate the sky
the voice from my eye
keep the universe muted


it wasn't mine
to begin with


i'd rather stay high
in your world i can't fly
it's so polluted


without wings
i would crash and die

at your place
words are all ink and lies

there's no magic
and you've never asked why

there's so much more
and you refuse it.


i spent all my time
being emotional

i spent all my time
being stupid

i never came to know
which love was mine

so alone in my mind
searching for a cupid

i spent all this time
being so normal

maybe the confusion
was deluded

i spent all my mind
being someone else

that i could never be me
to do ****

i cut myself today
into tiny
pieces of hurt

there's so much to say
but i've sold all my words

sold all my love
and i know what i've done

living inside my flesh
i don't know what i've become

i don't know myself

and i don't want to be inside
someone else

without shiny things
without any wealth

scars smile wide
as i write on myself

colour myself in a different creed

i do not bleed
there's no ink
to breathe

and i cannot leave
this prison made of me

what i cannot be
these walls
touch and see

the window is broken
the door wide open

but i cannot flee
out there
it's all an empty sea

and i'm already so lost
so ready to pay the cost

and leave before
they catch me dreaming

like a fish
who forgot it's alive
and still breathing

i have to stop
or i'll fade before
i can stop reading

between the lines
eating on my mind

walking on acid and wine
staring into the mirror

it's so cold and sharp
and it whispers

to me
about everything that withers
back to winter

and i'm so old with no heart
it's so easy to forget
how the dark still lingers

but the blood's still red
as it flows down a river

and i'm drowning,


laying underneath my bed
with monsters in my head

nobody has ever found me


and i'm still crawling
angry and howling

i don't know why

searching for a way
back to my myself

as the moment dies.

monsters under my bed
monsters in my mind
masters in my head
whispering to me blind

voices that are gone
come back to remind

my heart begs to mourn
afraid of what my eyes will find

the silence begins to roam
and i'm back in rome
on a colossal tide

travelling back and forth
between love and loath

i'd rather have them both
open my scars fresh and wide

in a room so silent
where sound travels
faster than light

here darkness resides
in lust and fright

wandering all night
with stars to hide

photos to like
memories have lied

to all those who have died

since past

when it all began
with plight

of all those who have cried
but died

yet, i want to be there still
wide open
when a lonely heart
begins to beat

begging to be free
but in a delusion
that cold is just
absence of heat

give me a pill to be enlightened
and i'll set fire to every thing

for the chaos is
just a form of silence
some thing's aren't
meant to breed

so, have you been
in a thought so violent
that everything around
starts to bleed

filling the emptiness
with opulence
a forest made up
of lonely seeds

ready to feed, steady and asleep
in this silence
you can taste the essence
of the universe rearing to be free
telling tales
of men and monsters

and of everything that came to be

sun in the sky you're a lie
you're not really there
fire cannot fly

it's all a lie
made for me
bought for us
to love
and make idols in sand

of forests and man
animals and insects

it tastes so bland
but the flavour inflicts
and colour infects

my will to understand
everything complex

but not the way
you would imagine

my mind
has never been in fashion

it's still wrecked


there's no mirror
and nothing would reflect

no cause or effect
everything blank

in weird shapes and sizes
planned to forget


the sun rises,


so many things
with so many vices

it's so hollow
and we still buy it

we will, and find it
to remind the scientists


this world is more than science's
concrete and the blind kids

children of the millennium
with nothing to free

nine to five, five to nine
no questions for thee

stuck in a mind
with no one to find
in an endless sea

the sun is a lie
it cannot fly

just close your eye's
and see

sit here all alone
mommy's not home
she's built in stone

laid on the ground
in her gown
and before she was
laid down
she said
i'll never be found

i'll never hear her sound
like her children did
before i came around
and i wonder if
i wander this
ocean
would i drown ?

scars left open with
thoughts i cannot get rid
pieces those do not fit
makes a circle
that's not round
and i'm stuck inside of it
sipping on
tears of a clown

swimming deep
within this pit
made of
so many tricks

but the clock
always lost
does not tick

it makes a weird sound
i'll never wear her
like a crown

like her king is
songs just sing this
there's a place in my mind
and it's
a weird town

full of dead bits
a face where my head fits
a place for misfits
and failed organs
this world is one big glitch

we're all orphans
and bound




and i wonder if
i wander this
ocean
would i drown ?

there's a place in aral sea
where there's nothing left to see

to the east where it dies
all the tears wept and dried

here,

in my mind
where it seeps
in my veins
there it bleeds

on my brain
where it feeds
on my pain
there it breeds



an emptiness that i cannot be
a void so deep that i cannot leave

there's a place you cannot flee
when there's something left to be

in a moment to be dead and gone
some places just don't belong

nobody cares for
what cannot breathe
no matter how alone


there,

with no air in my lungs
to scream and feed
the forest in my brain
will dream and screech

against the metal
that'll make complete
a barren island
that cannot seed

there's a face in aral sea
who has got nothing left to see

to the east where it dried
all the tears rot and dry.

thoughts breeding in my head
stop bleeding or i'll be dead

stop repeating or i'll forget
what i never knew

before it's too late
let me sleep, let me rest
or i'll fade

let me dream lest
i'll be just like you
always awake  


forest seeding my regret
please don't scream yet

let the animals
first reach the boat
tears drain down
my throat

before the fear rains
and drowns us whole

let me dream lest
i'll be just like you
without a soul

without a whole
wandering in parts
torn apart

so hated,


sitting on an empty stomach
so isolated.

sitting here so cold
with things untold

waiting for my soul
to write me in ink
to make hollow whole
with stones and gold

words written in coal
they'll speak my sin



but when they find me
please help them remind me
that i was never ever lost
it was just the cost to be at
a place that never was



sitting here so sold
with nothing left to hold

waiting for the door
to open and take me in
a mind riddled with holes
now every thought's a *****

broken and then some more
i am so torn from within



but when they find me
please help them remind me
that i was never ever lost
it was just the cost to be at
a place that never was


through my pain and loss
without you or them
or your rules and laws
far away from your claws


and i just stood there in awe
for the world to not end
in love with my flaws


so don't tell me about your loss
i don't need tears to fill my sea

and what i see is still travelling
loud enough for the sky to hear

and it cannot pause
it's still raw and it rots
like my brain when i'm not
in a place that never was

between people
and the world they forgot

my mind cannot stop
there's nothing here for me
nothing real for me
everything's bought


and when they find me
please help them remind me
that i was never ever lost
it was just the cost to be at
a place that never was

the rain falls where the petal's sleep
of a flower, not yet ready to seed

and i see what i cannot free

a dream not steady to breathe
that will blossom once it has bled

with all the shapes and figures
we keep deep inside our heads



i was never ready to leave
but there was nothing else
i could ever be; a heart
on an island full of stone



even if i could erase myself
there'll always be what i've known

and it will keep on screaming
long after i'm done and gone

back to the unknown
with all that has grown

and i know I'll still be there,
waiting for the world to ask

reflecting on my face
i see in the reflection;

as the world grows dark
through the glass


and i see the door to the window
it's closing in on me
it's closing in on me
It's eating the view

it wasn't build to last

there's nothing outside but the rain
but the pain and tears blurring
my eyes at last


there's nothing but the veins
of a storm that's about to mourn

and there's this forest
inside of me
that just wants to hunt and roam

and i see the rain falling,


the rain falls where the metal weeps
of a flower, not yet ready to be freed


but i see what i can free


the door to the window
it's closing in on me
but my mind has left

in midst of the clouds
where life is born
far away from myself

and for every time the storm bleeds
a flower will breed

and piece by piece
the door will start to fade

a forest shall be made
as wide as the window can be

as vast as you can see
as alive as you want to be

the door to the window
never had a key

it was just us,
filled to the brim
and we couldn't keep it in.

it's dark,



sitting in an empty room
pretending to read
so many thoughts
mind in water
not yet ready to breathe

awake in my dreams
not steady to sleep
the earthquake i'm riding
won't let me keep
my way to you

sipping the vast gloom
from the big bang boom

i've been searching
for you



nothing to seek
no window to peek
only stark darkness
to love and breed

forget love
too old too cold
through and through sold
nobody knows any code
valentine's dead
and my heart is old

circling the universe
in search of gold


and i find myself drift
in middle of
the universe
with nothing to hold


with no truth to seed
no hunger to feed
with only silence to teach
the science of violence

in middle of
the universe
searching for opulence

finding nothing and,

collecting the pieces
and throwing it in the fire
making smoke from ash
thats been flying in the air
to everywhere

until it all goes black,

back to the same emptiness
we were all born from
without time

the world will fail,

and the words will fade
just as they came
and became
a thought in my mind.

restless countless

count yourself
boundless

found mess
inside my brain
soundless

silence
violence
and a pinch
of lawless

compress things
with loudness

somewhere here
south west

no sleep no rest
sowed seed grow lest

maketh tree
with tears shed

read free
the words wept

a forest to see
at a place mindless

can you please
mind less ?
the madness

your time is free
mine priceless

you want to be
me timeless

a murderous low
watching a ****** of crows
in a dangerous glow
pouring from my mind

thoughts left in kind
walked the centuries blind
carrying memories to remind

there's no place else to go
home never grows
the kids never knows
till the end of time

there's a sky
on fire, for him to breathe
sun is only bone and desire  
with no tongue to speak

there's a hollow
with a heart to keep
if you follow
you'll find the words to read

in that sleep,

here i am
in a murderous low
dreaming out the window
of a view left behind

another shadow,

as i imagine his soul
breaking the shine
smoke circles in a blow
ready to remind

why the mirror never fades
and i keep staring
at my own face
looking for an empty space
to fill my tears

howling for a breath
a flower inside my head

a rose that is dead
for a fear of thorns
those appear dear

and then,

killing him as he wept
burning me inside
where he's kept
not yet ready to breed
leave my head

stranger things have happened
at the orion belt
as far to me
as you've been ourselves
in ways

as near to me
when the night has slept
with a murderous low
and a crown that melts

sitting idle,
always.

the ghosts will never bother you
shadows won't ever follow you
them tears you've swallowed through
will come back one day to haunt you

your brain is insane and veins blue
been so sane with the same view

you've been lost and the world is new
no names but no promises too

been so in love till i grew
so many things I never knew


so alone with the walls shut
*** on an empty stomach
won't let me love you

been so in love without a clue
what *** on an empty stomach
can do to you

eight ate late




the more i take
the more i can hate
the more i can hate is no more
than i can take

the more i hate
the more i can make
the more i can make is no more
than i can hate

the more i weep
is more i wait
the more i forsake
more demons i make


the more i sleep
the more i'm awake
awake to the world
these dreams have made

the more i wake
the more i can fade
the more i can fade in
this sinful world that's fake

then more i breathe
the more i can feel the blade
running down my spine
behind me like a nightmare

the more i see my face
the more vacuum fills the space
eating me alive on the stage
surviving only wounds

***** after *****
no laughter ever escapes
no super hero wearing a cape
i'm an uber zero
dealing myself in straight traits

the more i can break
blow up in smoke and flakes
choke on raw feelings
and the words said


the more i knock the gates
the more i'm not

the more i'm afraid

to lose a part of me.

but it's all in-vain
they're all insane
everybody's wearing a lens
to see the world

the hurt
the depth and the words
i've wept for things that i feel
but nothing changes the blur

i'm afraid i'll be lost by the dusk
turned to dust, burned and crushed

oh, the hurt
the hurt makes me feel so alive
so alive, that i scream
scream and scream into the mirror

my mind tells me stories
but it's not because i miss her
and them ghosts remind me
how they're all gonna' break her

the heart-breaker
i'm so in love that i can wear her
nobody's safe in the mirror
trapped in shadows and whispers

and you're not allowed to linger
all through the winter
you must feed your lonely hunger

turn into a monster
burn every spring
and everything that'll come after

there's no noise
but a voice and so much laughter

i want to build myself a void
where none can see my face
an empty space
where i can be the master

but i guess i should've asked her
does it get harder
once you empty your soul
tell me how do you feel
when you burn yourself whole ?

i'm too burnt for my share
inside with all windows and doors

awake every night
i don't miss the sun anymore

does it get harder
once you empty yourself whole

tell me how do you feel
when you burn your soul ?

she keeps talking but I don't hear her
thinking about ways I can break her

no matter how much I try
I cannot hate her
dreaming about her
and i'm afraid I'll wake her


burning ourselves with love
and now tears are just vapours

ghosts whispering in my ears
how they're gonna break her

I'm just waiting for the day
when I'll carve her

the way I crave her,
I'll make her.






[in a better world
where i don't fight me
there'll be no hurt, never dear
when you'll be beside me

with all my heart i fear
that you'll never want me
and when I'm not there
i know you'll never remind me


i'll be a better man
when your love finds me
all my heart, my love i understand
but that's if you ever find me]

a ghost on fire
chasing wind
chasing sun

a heart of desire
in someone
done to none

the clown weeps
where's the fun ?
where's the son ?
i'm already awake
smile, here it comes

the stranger melts
in someone's head
black on the road
back from the dead
keeps me up at night
noises beneath my bed
and sleep never returns
turns my mind instead

and now i'm nothing more
absolutely sure,
that this world isn't for me

i'm searching for a door,
to lock me in,
inside with my soul
that burns in me

woman have babies
dogs can have rabies
no one says please anymore
such a foul world
as my louf words
makes no sense at first
you need a drink and many more

machines are crazy
sun full of daisies
no one stays pleased anymore
girls are lazy
men are ladies
when do you get to speak anymore ?

somebody pray please
come loudly say cheese
run, freeze, stay, leave
when do you get to live anymore ?



Old feed breed eat lonely babies
lost generation maybe
sleep weep every day to be
who can tell if there's a night anymore ?

don't kid your heart, no
don't you **** your heart beat lover

when you look at me, oh
i run to the sky looking for cover

i saw it in your eyes that once
for months that feeling of ******
i'd eat all your lies for lunch
but now i'm filled with your thunder



and until it is over, it's not over
that's not so hard to grasp
flickering thoughts keep me numb
and i don't know what i become
when i become like that


an ocean running in my veins
all the animals look so sad
gave them all the colours but you
i'm falling in love with my black

even though we'll fall in love again
the same but never have it back

and don't you ever leave my brain
i'll never stop wanting to be mad

they sing in a line
these people made out of a wish
like water without its fish
they're all dead
they're all dead and moaning

for a beautiful morning
and i'm tired of mourning
when i hear their voice
there's no song for this noise
the dead cannot sing
the dead do not bleed and sink
when eyes are moist

they do not drown in ink
feed clowns and blink
shaping world in their void
screaming, destroyed..

always reminding me
how little there is to live for.

it's been a tough day
all i want is to go to sleep
but i can't 'cause i'm worried
and it is so hard to breathe

wish I had a wish
to make all of this better
ignorance isn't bliss
when you have a shelter

nothing false in admitting
that yeah, you were wrong
now i'm here just sitting
in a home i don't belong

looking through the window
as those dark clouds eat the sky
soon there'll be grey and gloom
it will last till the blues die

i'm in pain that i never feel
today even beauty tastes dust
feels like scars will never heal
as clock rusts and combust

it's so easy to remember
how hard it is to say a good-bye
i'd leave it all for a december
up in the mountains with my lies

the time isn't kind
even for those who don't believe
nor is any friend of mine
we have... nothing to speak

just here in one place
for all days and all lies
there's nothing on my face
no smile, no life

my heart has wept empty
afraid of every approaching dawn
my bones shiver in horror
of the countless restless storms

but there's this thing in my head
which says it will all be alright
and i spend the nights dreaming
my eyes open up wide..

forgetting what is gone.

I don't know
if i can tell
there's a way
out of hell

what cannot grow
is hard to sell
in my brain
what I have felt

hiding behind
the broken walls
where every tear
pours a waterfall

there i drown
by my self
under an ocean
no one can hear you yell

and then a fire
burns with all I've wept
every scar
that i have kept

starts to breathe
and I open my eyes
flying high
up in the sky

and I can see
oh, I can tell
there's a fool
down in hell

waiting to be freed
from his greed
and now his soul
is not his to sell

and I start to dream
it begin to rain
and I was drowning
once again

I don't know
if i can tell
there's a way
out of hell

I'm just a f*cker who's insane
taking names talking the game
I can't wait for you to complain
I'm already out of the frame
they say something's wrong
in my brain
but the facts don't change
they remain the same
pain or not
I'm not ashamed the way I am
so profane

dealing with blames
juggling thoughts on a chain
I'm the circus and what remains
when you separate
the heart and brain
operate on me
I'm breaking under the strain
stretching, and memories drain
always fetching me more stains

scars I'll wear like medals
dreaming about them butterflies
blue sky and coloured petals
and I still feel so strange
maybe under the weather
don't know whether to
tell you or not
I'm hungry for some shelter
to be the only one
isn't that special
and when you playin' some regret
don't forget what matters
there are too many mad hatters'
ready to falter like feathers
wearing them hats and leather
in a hope they'll feel better

but there's no hope
for the one's plagued with flames
always burning
turning flakes till nothing remains
but they alone in a room
with so much dark to bloom
watching themselves
shine brighter and be tamed

but enough about them
it's gotta' end
I can't be a friend anymore
there's so much to give up
before you can make amends
and the tail never bends
the dog keeps barking on
and things just go on
while you feel like a fool
who cannot go on no more
for he has no strength

afraid, always afraid
with things made
things said
there's no one else here to stop
so why don't we have a face-off
man in the mirror
won't you tell me my name
and keep repeating
till it fits in my brain
so I can keep it in a box
wear it by my neck
with a key to lock
so when the noose breaks
and I'm standing there
I'm ready to disappear

for i fear
what you cannot hear
monsters you never thought
were any real
caught in the middle
trying to figure out the riddle
to catch a moment and heal
this torment is the real deal
everything else is there to rot
and I bless you not
there's nothing there to feel
no mask to peel
everything is what everyone does
not point in screaming insane
and shoot down the doves
when they're not trained
wear them gloves on
nothing wrong in wiping
the evidence as medicine
for a heart too lost to complain
shut in love

and I've told you enough
there's not much left I should be sayin'
but these words keep payin'
and I'm down on my knees praying
taking my chances where none exist
and it's now too late to insist
I cannot resist the shame
no, I want it just the same
all the non-sense wrapped neatly
ever so sweetly in a pill with my name

and I'm trying to
tell you a story that's plain
could be fit in a frame
but that's not how life is
not everybody's happy
when the sun rises
some want just the vices
without having any
sacrifices, that's not pain
you haven't seen the rain
the sky's still blue
I'm walking with you
and you're in my shoes
don't you know where
I'm leading you
can you not feel it in your veins
every word I've been speaking
now forming an illusion
repeating the delusion here
can you not hear ?
confusion in your brain
rippling across the galaxy
ripping off the reality
gripping you when you're lost
in your humanity



stop thinking about the society
there's other variety
another inking virtuality
so many dimensions to choose from
and I don't word what's wrong
but I heard they found
love in some other galaxy

why can't we be good neighbours' ?
I'm feeling like you don't care
who's peeking through the mirror
through you to pull your lever
I think I'm gonna' have a fever
give me something to lift this world up
I'm all for love in this season
in a hope good be delivered
no reason for me to not keep her
but it's still treason to stop
when you start to love her
I'm just a weaver
fallin' asleep to be a dreamer
and now I've to wake her
tell her I was never a winner
but I'm gonna' win it all
now that I'm with her

and I feel like such a loser
I just want to wither
I'm too cold now
i cannot wither
I don't know how to linger
I'm in love with winter
but everything melts in summer

and I'm back where it begins
taking names talking the game
I can't wait for you to complain
I'm already out of the frame
they say something's wrong
in my brain
but the facts don't change
they remain the same, so vain
pain or not
I'm not ashamed the way I am
so profane

the stronger the wind blows
more will I see of the road

that stretches out far
all across my mind
filled with fire and smoke

and now even memories
hurt and choke

now that I see it disappear again
there are so many cracks
running all across my soul

but there's still a reason
from falling apart in pieces

there's hope

fighting silently
violently underneath my skin
giving life to my scars

those howl in madness
so hollow
that they cannot bear
another moment in emptiness

swallowed whole
by the thirsty nothingness
this infinite vastness
that has eclipsed my soul

gripped my heart
worth stones I once stole

breathing dust and dawn
dreaming of something more

quietly, endlessly
no more less
than an ocean without a shore

a home without a door
where we find ourselves
looking through the window

watching the rain
that's what the sky's there for


isn't it ?

oh, she
moves like a breeze

you'll forget
to breathe

and still
the aura won't leave

it'll linger
and it will freeze

a feeling
you can have
but never owe it

she'll turn any man
into a poet.

they sat by the dawn
whispering fire
lost in a desire
to be young again

finding it strange
how things change
as we change

why isn't it still the same
oh, why isn't it still the same ?

she asked him
give me a name

she said
again and again

and he said nothing

not love
nor pain

just eyes to the sky
and mind for the horizon

he kept lingering

she wept whispering

and soon enough
there was a morning

with a sun rise
so beautiful

it made her cry

this day too will end
with nothing for us to keep
and I'll miss you my friend
wherever this road may lead

and I'll remember all of you
long after when we'll have to leave
for there's a part of you here too
here inside with my heart-beat

and I'll keep you from leavin'
when the clock tells me I'm too old
for you made me smile when I was weepin'
in your arms I found the warmth from cold

and I remember all those times
when I was dreamin' of your face
you'll always have a part in me
and nobody can take your place

I'll speak to you in our memories
and all the beauty that you bear
I know it's going to hurt eventually
but I won't change a thing we shared

and I'll always be just a dream away
from being with you as we were before
I hope it wasn't like this and we could stay
I'll miss us when we won't be here no more



what a beautiful day to live for.

with my head between my arms
and people screamin' all around

tryin' not to **** somebody

like a bored fish I'm out of breath
oh god, why did you make me..
and make me hate everybody ?

**** me already
I'm dead with feeling dread

and I can't relate to anybody

or anything that comes my way
and whatever I like goes away

so far away

and I'm just lost in my days
pretending to be in love with dark

fading and escaping
into a void every hour
with every scar that I'm keepin'

I'm afraid to share
what I've been dreamin'

if I pray would I be spared
can I leave them behind
do you go to hell for
thoughts that are stuck in your mind ?

caught this time
I swear I'll be a good kid next rhyme

when is it enough ?
to stop lying
does it matter when I'm crying,
will that save me ?

will that save me from trying

I'm so tired
of this sun shining all the time
can I paint it black
with sulphur and smoke
bleach and choke it
until it is fine

like I am
when they ask me my name

I wish I could drink all the rain
so they'll know my thirst

flood them with my pain
so they'll realise my hurt

look, a flower in the dirt
and they keep repeatin'

how they saw it first
the flower in the dirt


so why don't you pick it up ?

lover, love her-
keeper, keep her.

for it won't
come again.

what doesn't exist
you cannot resist
and it's all in your mind
the pain and the bliss

what isn't there
it must be here
isn't it ?

blind and down
but can you see through
tears of that clown

but can you see you
see what you do
through the mist ?

and they'll scream at you
that it's not your time
to escape from this



you can hate it all if you so want
hate them all if you so wish

but you cannot love, no you don't
you cannot love what doesn't exist




this moment you're stuck in
they told you it must be within
the things you've said before
every last of your sweet sins

and all of your bland stories
those dreams and a wish
they told you not to worry
here, have this poisoned kiss

one for the road that's ugly
for all those pieces that never fit




you can hate it all if you so want
hate them all if you so wish

but you cannot love, no you don't
you cannot love what doesn't exist



so many questions
those don't mean anything
they don't scream everything
there's nobody left to miss

and where were you gone before
now here you are
so alone, on your own where you sit

and you keep telling your tale
how it never fails to make you sick

sick to your heart,
how it tears you apart

so go on, and take your pick
it's something you cannot get rid
it won't see who's blue or what's green
who's been true nor who you're with




you can hate it all if you so want
hate them all if you so wish

but you cannot love, no you don't
you cannot love what doesn't exist




pretending it's all fine
I won't erase anything if I was blind

but when you know something
it's so hard to leave it behind

so many ways to die out there
why don't you make me a list ?
I'll be there for you to share
lie to me now, I insist

I've been a stranger all my life
in my anger to be rich


but I'm not yet ready to be found
by some rich man in the town

for I know what greed can do to you
I've heard how his throat got slit

leave me alone with my thoughts
I want to drown
before I can escape from arms of his





you can hate it all if you so want
hate them all if you so wish

but you cannot love, no you don't
you cannot love what doesn't exist




my baby once told me
it gets warm when fire's been lit
but don't take it in your arms
or you'll burn with it

such a strange feeling to have
when you don't know what you did

and they're all standing in a line
blaming at the same time

wandering in the cold desert
looking for some fish
there're so many fools out there
that the oasis cannot persist


what doesn't exist
you cannot resist
and it's all in your mind
the pain and the bliss

what isn't there
it must me here
isn't it ?




you can hate it all if you so want
hate them all if you so wish

but you cannot love, no you don't
you cannot love what doesn't exist

angry man wearing a denim blouse,
such a beautiful way to shut down your mouth.

nothing much to say, there's no one left to shout,
I'd like for you to stay unless you want to **** the mouse.

the bodies are kept warm sleeping in the oven,
everybody was left weeping empty pages for a question.

cats have nine lives, must be so cruel when they want erosion,
can they still sue sides if they need any emotions ?

bla bla, bla bla- don't you answer me as if you're my child,
i've learned so many things but not any worth-while.

ha-ha, ha-ha..keep bringing me more organs to pile,
it won't stop killing itself until the forest is old and wild.


stop making sense I don't love you enough to agree,
I revel in non-sense, so get far away from me as you can be.


you'll find the scars hanging by a noose in the closet,
take this axe and match it with whoever's standing the closest.


so don't ask me why I broke in today to put you in doubt,
there's sweet music in the background which keeps getting loud.


such a beautiful day to burn down the house.

how do you say sorry
when you're so out of breath ?

I'm talking insane again
am I not ?

can you make it stop
before it leaves me dead ?

these words those
don't mean anything

and I've kept them so close
as if they mean everything

there's nothing here for me
I keep scribbling in my dreams

I see the mirror shivering
but I don't hear no screams

they say I need magic
or there'll be nothing left

isn't it tragic
how slowly the world forgets

how we become
someone else

pretending we're the same
and we'll never be strange

fearful of change
and mindful of things plain

we need the beautiful
or we'll be stuck sane

with nothing to blame
and nothing to gain

there'll be nothing to lose
a sight always on mute

who would crave a world
so placid ?

where there'll be no science
to explain the silence of acid

that vile thought that keeps
repeating itself

there'll be nothing to sell
for there'll be no one interested
to buy

the lies
or the blue sky

roses painted red
a thought stuck inside a head

I'm speaking ill again
am I not ?

can you make it stop
before it leaves me dead ?

but I have my reason
nobody reads me

and I'm stuck in this season
wasting my autumn

for something more pleasant
that i have now forgotten

What can I convey ?

I'm just a peasant
but this hearts serves a king

a madness that is decent
as I descent deep within

tearing my own skin
making smoke rings
out of thin air

I'm aware
as much i think one can be

when they're about
to disappear

so disappointed that
man in the sky wasn't here

I think I'll rather
cry myself to sleep again

than say a prayer

it's not fair
how one thought leads
to so many

in a head that is empty
they echo like anything

I'd rather have the silence
if I could have any

than being just star dust
dancing in violence

I'll sell you the bank
for a penny

just take away these keys
please, I beg

I'm not making sense
am I not ?

can you make it stop
before it leaves me dead ?

falling rain speaks to me
about your tears and betrayal
why are you so far away from me
when my heart is so cold and frail

there must be more than this
more than you and this bliss
that's now his..

I keep on remembering
one more moment of us
our one last kiss
that feeling of beautiful love

and now when we're at the end
it feels as if it's only a beginning
of a world without you
and I'm singing aimlessly
like all those broken people do
about something I couldn't have
and if it's even true


the far I try to run
the more I fail
and as i look back to see
what you've done
my heart still aches
with scars it cannot bear

there's so much to leave
in words I cannot speak
so hard to believe
when you're standing there

and now i cannot breathe
without wishing myself dead
there's nobody else here
to wake me up when I fall asleep
and I still keep dreaming
about you and me in my head

and I can't find no monsters
lurking beneath my bed

every colour is greying
and the sky is decaying
now that you're not here
for me to forget


and now when we're at the end
it feels as if it's only a beginning
of a world without you
and I'm singing aimlessly
like all those broken people do

I'm in pieces too.

gathering words to burn
when I have nothing to say
Is it already my turn in sun ?
to shine like a desert far away..

find me an oasis
so I can burn it to the ground
I'm tired of voices
telling me about what's all around

they make me full of noise
all those eyes that feel my pain
and I feel so naked in the ruins
like a star looking for fame again

put me in a frame and forget me
there's only silence in a sound mind
I'm thirsty for an ocean once again
so much to drink when I look behind

let me swallow this world for you
let me be the bad they talk about
I've been here with nothing new
something you said is full of doubt..

and I don't have any answers
if you've been looking through the trash
I have only blood in my poisoned veins
and it'll only cost you your soul to cash

i know you feel I'm so empty
kept clean of your science and that God
somewhere in between you will find
that without a leash it's easy to get lost



and you've never been in a home with no walls
where rotten insects infect your imperfect mind..

every day is like finding yourself with no skin, nothing at all,
only an empty screen to remind why the unworthy world is dying

so drink with me and share with me what you've kept inside

the monsters you've bred and that feeling within not yet ready to die

open them for me, your eyes and every scar stretched wide,

let's make a road out from this hell, to a place with blue sky..

because there's no room here for the both of us,
one of us is surely another lie

and I'm not looking into a broken mirror to decide,
it always whispers to me that i can fly

and I don't want to try and fall off from the sky


I'm finally finding myself comfortable hidden in all of these files,
now tomorrow fails to exist and how the time flies

like a fly learning to fly,
i've been wrapped in a circle that has an endless reason to pry

you don't understand me and that's alright,

you don't see what I taste every night while you're asleep

counting the sheep before slaughtering them for a frozen good-bye

in a calm voice

don't put me to sleep yet
I'm still counting everything I was told to avoid,


It'll only probably take a moment and I want to cry,

cry myself to a parallel void.

not a reason more to die
I've always hated my good-byes

never really ever learned to cry
now i am but all so bled out


[and I don't know what to do...]



they told me if I had wings I'd fly
but that's not true.. that's not true

I sit in the dirt and watch the sky
I watch the sky as it passes me by



[and I don't know if it's still blue...]



my head is on my feet and it's weird
the way I'm searching for it everywhere

I have the key but the door is not there
I left it a wrong time ago right here



[and I don't know if I ever knew...]



I swear I knew more than this just moments ago,
something ate into my brain as I watched the pendulum go to and fro..


hypnotised by my own breath and what not, that came in between,
how i claim to own things but can't remember a word from my dreams..



[and I don't know if it's still true...]



they told me it takes only a moment to die
and if I can perish on my self I'd learn how to fly

if I can paint a black-hole there'll be no more reason to ask a why,
every colour is there for our amusement and window's don't lie



[and I don't know if there's a view..]



I've lingered like the shadows on a wall waiting to pry,
like that vile poison for the enemy that's too sly..

like that little boy back in the trunk that's too shy,
I remember now how it took only a moment to die..


[and I don't know if that's new...]




back to the same story, on the same page waiting to be inked,
things mightier than titanic have come and gone.. been sinked, skinned by sin..

and I'm still here, doing nothing and wasting my time all over again,
it takes only a moment to die and you're back at it again..


[and I don't know what to do...]
[and I don't know what to do...]
[and I don't know what to do...]


Do you ?

and so it goes
another ghost
down the wonderland

from the veins
shelter on the rain

and nobody knows
if the season
will ever be kissed the same

up on the rocks
far away
where the ocean screams
I can see bodies floating
like it was only yesterday

swallowing the dreams
torn by the seam
on a bed of thorns
a road never walked upon
I saw him run away

this other being
who looks a lot like me
and I wonder if
there's more than I've seen ?

a place more
than where i've been
a red sky
and the meadow's green

and so it goes
another ghost
down the drain

and I'm so afraid
that I'll never make it
to the wonderland
ever again

with my hands on my heart and knife on the clown
I'm just pretending I'm laughing..while it all crashes down..
just breathing for a moment.. and watching everyone around
they look so happy.. have they all been swimming in the magic potion..
brewed by the old ghost i found lingering in the shadows..
I wonder if they can see how the flood has swept everything away on the ground..
the noahs arc is broken.. begging for mechanic to repair the scars..
every hour a new boy is born to rip off the struggling heart..
no daughter to confuse your soul with.. the father makes me sick..
and mother's out there in the ocean.. ready to drown..

is that what they preached when we were kids ?
I never came to know.. i was down for a while with random ****..
and they told me my words don't mean anything unless I learn with fire..

where there is hate there is desire to destroy whatever you make of it..
stranger times have weathered the storms.. those gave me the chills

and I'm forgetting if I was supposed to be polite to the outside world..
the same folks who never cared if the little boy was hurt..

now Give me your solution and dissolve me of your worries..
I want that bollywood hit... where I'll be lost with a beautiful chick lost in poppy seeds.
I've bled what you bleed and I was never disgusted to how it all panned out...

no matter how much the school principle spent the time in screaming..
I never heard  anyone shout...
MAYBE I never cared for the migraine bouts..
far too less concerned with life and all that it takes away..
always ready to run away
from their dreams and what they kept out to be lost..

I was never the good child.. always pathetic and vile...
ready to **** in a moment of heat.. now I've stabbed myself enough to leave..

Let me go.. let me rule my world..
let me love like no other..
I don't need your fake sisters and brothers..
I DON'T pray to your god.. I'm just happy alone in the woods...
With a pair of socks and twenty dogs..
waiting for me to whistle I never came to realise..
I'm ready for your demise..
I'm ready for mine..

pray that I don't ever cross your path.. they say I have a burning mind..

too engrossed in moment of bliss.. that i don't have the time to be who's right..
But that's alright..
that's enough for a fight..
and in the night I'll pretend I've fallen asleep...
dreaming about things they never let me keep..
for an age.. I was getting on the stage.. for the reapers who wouldn't really reap..

that's a thousand feet from where I've stood all my life..
holding the knife on my throat that cuts deep..

isn't it beautiful to be different when you don't know how to be anything else ?

maybe a tree that isn't free ?

What they cannot be And what I cannot see ?

do I have to be what they tell me how it's all supposed to be ?

never beautiful but always afraid..


why not be how i was made ?

even though a mistake..

isn't it beautiful to be ugly..

I see this world rotating hanging upside down
with all of these voices screaming in my head and in the background
Like a pendulum I swing back and forth and up again
I ******* tears leaving me.. I think it's about to rain

And I wonder if it's my time ?
And I wander in my filthy mind...

Trying to make sense of this world and what I see
It's all so strange in ways I could never ever be



My thoughts are collapsing in the noise of silence
Blood rushing to my brain and I'm tasting the violence

How the hell did I find my way back here again ?
After a thousand memories as if nothing has changed
And it's all still the same

Can somebody cut the rope.. too much pressure on my veins
And I'm seeing things that cannot be


And I wonder where's my mind ?
And I wander in my filthy mind

Trying to make sense of this world and what I see
It's all so strange in ways I could never surely be

It hurts so bad and I'm normal once again
Only if for a moment..
I love when my dreams get me insane

I see the kids playing in dirt and killing all the flowers
I remember how I ate away the guilty world of ours
Just hanging by a thread and it's now bleeding me the years
And I'm afraid if I don't find a doctor soon I won't even be here

To tell you I took more than my share
And maybe that's why I'm all so f*cked up and alone there
In that space
Just hanging..


Can you not hear me ?
I've been doing things to gather your attention
I've done so much that nothing gives me the satisfaction
Twisted moments give me nothing but another dose of pain
Like a pendulum I swing back and forth and up again

Can't you see ?
All I ever wanted was to be free


And I wonder if it's my time ?
And I wander in my filthy mind

Trying to make sense of this world and what I see
It's all so strange in ways I could never truly be


Find me a potion and make me a person again
I've met all of your flavours and I want it plain
Give me poison.. I want the erosion
I don't want to be left the same



I've been awake every night I have lived in a hope to be found
And now i can't see the sun for it hurts my eyes
I've forgotten how it sounds

outside

Besides,

Way out in the woods you'll find me reaching inside my throat
Pulling out my insides so I can find my heart and build myself a boat

I've been drowning since forever and I'm feeling like a broken home
Go away from me now.. I don't ever want you to see me this open and alone

This is not how I am

I'm more than I pretend to be

Can't you see what I'll never be ?

Can you save me from me ?

Can you pretend you see what I want you to see ?



And I wonder if it's my time ?
And I wander in my filthy mind

Trying to make sense of this world and what I see
It's all so strange in ways I could never ever be

make me a love story
like they show in movies
one I can stay in and get old


make me a bridge I can love
this way or that
it will never matter where I go
it will never get cold

and no matter how many
times I look in the mirror
it will never shatter
and it will never know
this curse of gold


make somebody to be mine
even if it's only me to fear

somebody on my mind
but it has to be real

not just words I will bleed
on this empty page
I'm staring at this moment
make me a door

give me more than my share
I've been breathing torment
and now i don't know
how to live anymore


take me some place far away
one face where no scar can play
I'd like my sky to be so blue
full of light that no star will stay

and I'm not reminded
that i made my home
in another galaxy

for i could never find
someone standing close

make me a love story
like they show in movies
one I can stay in and get old


I've been dreaming since
yesterday in something
another year wasted
before it could say anything

I find colours so grey

make me a rainbow
and it will rain all across
my sun rays


I've been living on fumes
of tears i was sold

make me a love story
like they show in movies
one I can stay in and get old

longer my pain grows
stronger my wait flows
into an ocean of my abyss

I've been made a machine
and I'm in love with this
empty feeling that I cannot resist

that knows
no boundary
of not to grieve

please understand me
I'm not what I was told

make me a love story
like they show in movies
one I can stay in and get old


build me again
like you wanted me to be
what you needed to see
and set me free
from your lies


take away my eyes
place them in a box
filled with a sky
replace my every part
I won't even ask why

even if I have to die
it is worth living for..

make me a love story
like they show in movies
one I can stay in and get old

I've been looking
for you everywhere
where are you ?
I've been breaking the sun
every night.

what has it done
that you've become so ugly
you don't make me feel pretty
anymore alright.

is this what you've become
is this how you come undone
is this all there is to it ?

I've been searching
for you to wake me up
I'm feeling so afraid
of monsters that you made
that i've forgotten how to love


is this what you've become
is this how you come undone
is this all there is to it ?


I don't know if it's you
I've learned enough stories
that now I'm sure I know
how this universe works

If it's guilty and true
it has to hurt
I'll write you down
in my mind
before your soul erupts

I'll even help you
count the cost
I'm not telling any lies
but you stink of loss

but you will never listen
even though they're all gone

something's wrong
with your brain they say
they're not my words
that i can erase any way

tell me please
do you remember
what you miss the most ?

or is it still hard
and you cannot leave
this mind of yours ?

don't be rude
make up your mind
nobody else is going to
paint it for you
but be sure if you do
we only sell in black

now tell me
where in hell were you ?

stranger hiding in my brain
why are you fighting me again ?

why are you always
fighting me ?

talk to me
tell me your tale

speak to me your pain
scream to me your name

where did you
come from ?
come to me now
I've been so alone
with thoughts I
cannot contain



[what have you
done to me ?]



show me how
my dreams are made
you've known
so much that I'm afraid
you cannot leave now
and if you must..

I have nothing to say
I'll just write you
down on a page

burn you so slowly
that you'll never
try to run away


[what are you
doing to me ?]


what have I become ?

no
you cannot stay

or you'll eat my mind
and there'll be no one
to remind me of my time


that one time
we spoke for hours..

you told me
you were not me..

but I don't remember me


[what have you
turned me into ?]


am I still the same ?

or am I two

am I you ?

or are you me too..

stranger hiding in my brain
tell me my name

I beg you...



why are you always
fighting me ?

I'm in love
so in love
with the idea of you
and I don't know
what to do..

I keep forgetting you
now and then
and in the end
I know you'll disappear
If I ever open my eyes

and now i have to walk
blind.. for the rest of my life

and I'm only alive
for this brief moment in time
and before I leave behind
this world and sleep
I have a few words
I'd like to carve on a page
in a language so strange
that it becomes a cage
for your mind to keep


you don't have to weep
you'll never know
that I was here
that I was yours

I won't bother you anymore

[when it's too far..
when she's standing so close]

from a thousand miles away
down the road


I don't exist.

i cried into the sunset
for a new dawn

i lied enough to forget
that you were gone

now there's nothing to regret
and i am so alone

now all that i see is your red
all i see is your wrong

every tear you gave was shed
in scars you left so strong

thoughts left in my lonely head
where did they come from ?

those monsters beneath my bed
but now it's not my home

these walls now reek of dread
in your silence i mourn

sometimes i wish we never met
and i was never drawn

into the magic that you bred
that has left me so torn

you were the rose for which i bled
kissing with love on every thorn

you took my heart and fled
left me with a stone

those promises that were kept
swept away in storm

and now i wish that i was dead
for without you i cannot go on