When my legs
fail the body I am tired of
Having a mind
                 Again silk wisps of a still scene of dream
                         I cannot yet bat the trajectory before I pause, where and when was that?

Where and when am I



Let me die

She cried In the sun as we sat on the
concrete lip of a family plot.
told me her regrets of returning God's gift.
Life would be so different.
I can never get it back, I'm so ungrateful.

The world underlies.

And we are sensitive people.

I like the little one.

They are ready so if someone
Comes down here, and says
they, I, well,
would like to see what youve got
I may be interested in them,
in buying some
I'd say, well, sure
so they can look, and see if there is anything they want to purchase.

And they may decide it's nothing they want,
maybe they don't have anything with them
I won't take that
and that's fine by me.
I like the little one.

We made sure t have them all be different
i said, what'S the point if they're the same
I have three metal ones
Can you, well, make sure they are
so nobody will knock them over
so someone can look at all of them and
they won't break.

I got those bells because I enjoy them.
I used to place them around the house so
people could enjoy them
they are in that so people come down here, They can see.

they meant something to me, but nobody else.
and that's fine.
well, if it means something to you, that matters
Yeah.

How far out of the loop
constitutes
Having fallen out of the group?...
And they hope you don't follow
Crawling shout I CAN'T COPE
With the laces in bows tying you to the roots
Tighter knots as kick pitiful aimlessness dilutes
We all know you come from your frantic disputes
Nobody believes when heat rises, it droops
But I do, and I do, and I do, and the loop

I always know I'm lonely
as is now.
I care none for arguing nostalgia is but a phantom;
I candidly hint generous,
retrospective tint arose
but born in hues of solitude
by thorns to dues that use what we lose to Make most of the points we include.

I can feel that they are red,
visual confirmation is hardly motivation
to close sore eyes to dread.

fully bearing nightmares
I dare not stare
straight back.

Is it worse, being it that
my plight has no doors?

The line of sight agreeing with-
stand failure to converse,
despite seeing the design I fight myself with my own curse:
to die of thirst while they ignore
the gasping they have heard before.

I might have given more.
I might have given more.

Me too, I said, I'm well
biting back tears before they fell
or my voice dropped, no one hears
Im dead. Writing from hell.

My eyes
as emotions of joy crown
I feel my lids weigh heavy down
to steal living from ---

I am hallucinating my bathtub
I miss sam august, and prompts, everyone.

Just hallucinated my parents house.

Where at this moment am i.

I sit with my father, who is hanging on to frustration at a ******* on the pass.
my mother is across from me, baiting conversation.
The art museum today has bare walls, and their halls only display what my father calls, the place your mind is left where at yourself is all you find to stare, bet that *******-whole reeks to bare

*******.



I wish I could get a space, have it set up with a bed, tons of blankets, tons of lights, tons of curtains, and random pieces of wood. And one side of the wood is painted in a grey-purple, and I have indigo chalk. And it's a living exhibition of narcolepsy. And i just rearrange constantly, and write poems on the undersides of the wood, which I use to fashion ever-changing furniture.

Schrodinger's potential is kinetic.
A life unknowing fault versus genetic.

Often I bear loss
where time and presence cross.

Like briefcases in Bond, but the entire alphabet...
distraction catch me (if I'm blessed)
from mismatch in perception (messed);

it is this or nothing.

I have found myself alone, and it is of my own hand,
I am left with myself as the only person I can stand.
I am left to myself, letting down
every
****
demand.
I'm the only one who'll put up falling out from what we planned.

It appears as though shadows are not of concern,
To they who shed light upon every return.

I am certain the sun cannot fathom night falling,
And really, why would he care?
For the curtain that's calling long after you're done,
To be gone, I don't believe is unfair.

It appears as though shadows are not of concern,
To they who shed light upon every return.

For everything you cannot pick.

For everything you fail

You fail. You pick.
for everything you don't, you're sick.
ugly ******* monster.
Whose own rhetoric haunts her.
to stand here, still, it taunts her

i staND here, still.
I stand, here, still.
I stand. Here. Still.
I stand hear still
              Hears til

You need to trust me:
do not trust me.

Today I woke up and looked in the mirror
"Oh great. It's you again."
I spoke soft  and took
what I broke off and shook
It is clearer.
Staring straight back today fate has no cloak of black smoke
Nearer. Nearer.
There, unprovoked  I attack too late
Stuck in a quiver
Where i choke on the joke gone off line i am hooked
Ruminate on
Doom we wait on
Ward of the  room
Bored, you ignored her bloom
As you scored what consume
Deprivation
Despised spiteful every insightful revelation
Perceiving as her leaving you confirmation

Today I woke up and looked in the mirror
"Oh great. It's you again."

Tic talk lunatic,
walking creepy and scary.
Romantic click unlock with no
knocking, too sleepy to carry

The shovel.

This shovel.

The shovel is very
heavy like a rock,
makes it harder to bury
realistic-tic in time, outrunning the clock.
And to talk so simplistic is stunning; we left in shock.

Come write outright, you're right.

Come right out, write your right.

Come write outright your right.
For some succumb without rite read out to right from
being outright far from the right to play being dumb.
So it's mumble along, or remain under thumb.
We both know to be humble is wrong, when you're numb.

Come right out, write you're right.

Stumbling, shout insight;
incite doubt, crumbling.
In slight drought, the sun found dead
the unfounded site gets ahead.
I am astounded by the blood being shed,
when it sounded like the flood
all along was simply dread.

Everything is all inside your head.

But that was wrong, I limply said.
But you were strong. I see instead
that I belong back in my bed,
to track a song I wrote in red
before it's dead. And there I bled.
While I said,

Everything is all inside your head.

I'm not in the hospital, hit by a car
I know I'm not online as much; I'm not far
from finally finishing out my degree!
Ten days til a Bachelor of PSYCHOLOGY!

Though yes, sad to say, the mishap from last night
Proved unsalvageable what took me all day to write.
But after the panic subsided, in spite
Of the loss I decided to invite
a CAN-DO mantra, that today still recite:

"Citing every source
providing claims; unless, of course,
the statements you express
are YOURS. Original.  Then, yes."
Would be no need to cite,
but I digress; I still endorse
vehemently: just reinforce
Pre-existing bodies,
    empiric and peer-reviewed,
Must become one with your own body,
     long before you can conclude
Much of anything; that, at best,
Could be considered misconstrued.
Which I reckon may elicit a subjectively quite rude
Swing at a pitch from your perspective you thought beckoned attitude
So rather than succumbing, and becoming quite contrite,
Just cite every sentence as though you know of no greater delight
 
AAAAAND
For the friends and acquaintances from on-the-line:
Out among ye mulls around an enemy of thine.
And by proxy, or  vis-a-vis? Uh, nemesis of mine?
Either way, it's a PHONEY! I promise I'm fine!

I wasn't mowed down while crossing a street
By a drunk driver; don't buy into this deceit!
When the hell have you known of me to be on the loose,
And outdoors by a street, with no **** good excuse!

Nah, brah; didn't get rek't, not in the ICU,
Anything 80_hospital says isn't true.
It's hard to imagine why someone would do
Such a thing, and hard to try and imagine who...

Nevertheless: til the mocking bird is absconding
Believe none are who they claim if they're responding
With something extreme, but failing to show face
And put shoe on head or something else, just in case

That for reasons beyond rational ways of thought,
Someone's chosen to wreak havoc on the distraught
At least until that jacka$$ sh!# f#@%er gets caught,
Just, my two cents? If they say "no I swear," they're not.

If I go first
But do my worst
There's not much bubble to burst
This path of rubble gets dispersed
So back we double in reverse
I could swear he said he's cursed
Life's not fair, we eat our thirst
A swaying stair, failure conversed
If I swear, ******* I'm cursed

There may be still something
Buried I forgot to mention
Hurried less of traction, worried
Mess of apprehension
Lost with flurry of attraction
Ever-tumbled trapped suspension
Meager fraction of retention
Costing furious reaction
Cold inaction, condescension
My distraction, not intention

What's left isn't right,
their noise deafening white -
where boys raising the fight
lack appraising their height.

So amazing,
they're dazed
all the days
spent in hazing;
scare rays
of sun away.

Left to pay everything
to what still stays,
in spite of lost brothers,
despite delayed dismay,
who stay
alright
all night
remain too distant to play.

In spite of their plight, they make light of the day.
After night cools the fight, turning white down to gray.
Hungry laughter sounding dafter
I left to write, are you okay?

Alright! The fools follow their rules,
to use as tools to nail what they
mean to say, are mean to say
a bed is where you lay down what you made.
You said you swear you're okay in the shade.

I found out there was fire lingering beneath this skin,
but it isn't of desire and I don't want to begin
accepting death because a pressure expects breath because of flesh.
I need a cure that isn't time for expiration of the fresh.

For incessant insecure impressions,
For obscure convalescent depression.
For when the most unsure become expected to procure
From those defaulted most demure, the idolatry sense of pure(ity)

[Pure] (it evil answer idol along and so sure)
purity villains were right all along and so sure
maybe for eternity despite killing wrong I'm insecure.
'twas thought was sure
Now wrought hot fur-(y)
(Fur)[y motion] from the prime upon itself,
[Emotion]
To where the very notion of good health,
fuels firey devotion to destroy myself.

I found out there was fire lingering beneath this skin,
but it isn't of desire and I don't want to begin
accepting death because a pressure expects breath because of flesh.
I need a cure that isn't time for expiration of the fresh.

I'm where the very notion of good health,
fuels firey devotion to destroy myself.

There are           bare,
And threadless where
came back
to
claim you       gave
the
same attack,  
new
shame              behave
as if by
name
                cheap means
                      to save
we the
blaming  
                keep   clean
because we're brave.

I am not a genius, nor am I mad
I am just very, very sad.

Following fall I can hardly recall
Crawling back out the black when I fell off the ball
And I find myself backed up against the same wall
I can't fess up to kissing, bleeding I still stall
In the mess scared and ******* just feeding -
Feeble guesses dare gone missing, misleading
Beating lessens the heart i need is fleeting
browned each page before starting to study
Down the echoing hall like a ribcage is ******
Knees that need ground gashed by scattered glass
Found a gnashing still thrashing unbearable sound
Firmly lashing your crashing mind terrible bound
Shattered, pass
Classless unflattered
what's the matter
what's it matter
what's the matter
what's it matter

Eyes wide
The end collide
Can't hide
And then I died

I cannot make light
Of it - is gone
In dark, grey is white
We've over drawn
Clumsily while night
Dies in the dawn
Sinking in the bite
Beneath a yawn
Responsive invite
That came out wrong

Windowless laughter
The ringing, gone
From a retreating
Right moved along

Concerted after
clinging so strong
Drums a repeating
yes, you belong

I cannot make light
Of it - is gone
I cannot make light
Of it - is gone
I chose not to fight
Knight with a pawn
Rope burns, lost the kite
Dug heels in lawn
Damning line too tight
To walk upon

I cannot make light
Of it - is gone
Verse whispered recite
replaces brawn
Determined polite
close liaison
I cannot make light

      Of it - is gone

Along the way
Some steps I've missed
Still long to say
No, I insist
I'm wrong, but they
Consider this
First stone to pay
Rehearsed interest

TIME

I'm running out
Of confidence
Of common sense
My confidants are on the fence
Confederate incompetence
Forgetting what it represents
Refraction second somnolence
Relinquish rests recognizance

Iconic pass Aphrodite
Icon platon-ic and mighty
Contend   in    gin   and   tonic
Vigor fighting
   compulsion flighty
Rigor biting
   revulsionninglory sighting
And the lighting
Lends lonely writing
Recommends  a tone reciting
I'm alright
I'm all right
We all write
I'm all right

Racing rounded repression
I have a confession
Profound stead impression
Confounded live session
Astounding is sounding
Like bound bring recession
Inbound will resound
In grins drowned sting depression
Sing out, it's my confession!
My ground is regression!

today is a parallel to evolutionary swoon
And we can blame biology for acting a buffoon
so if you're not a fan of Jesus, this is maybe your kind of tune
oh it's the day of egg hunting, we wild spermatazoon

Yes, it's Easter and on Western shores the stars tell a fortune
of the irony that of all days it is this for red moon
Is it still considered trolling if the tides 'neath our pontoon
Reflect from sunrise until dusk turn me into a goon

Oh it's the day of egg hunting, we wild spermatazoon
So we here relay with grunting, like air let out a balloon
To find the womb, to find the egg, to nestle us cocoon
Oh it's the day of egg hunting, we wild spermatazoon

May where once
      was a tomb
blossom hope
       in this room
                    to resume trust
                    to consume us
       in the peace
       by the warmth
of this bloom

We agreed on Iceland
far enough from each of us
between the distance spanned
only so much expected, with bounds to what could be planned
in the hope to warm what had lone cold
to loan eachother 'nother scope before late we groan, old
i withstand alright, grown old
disbanded bright, a lonely hold
go to the sun to the sun to the sun
the days noon night dark spun to gold
i withstand alright, how bold
with bright eye stand ignite heart sole
and burn
and burn
spun spin turn
win one will learn
and burn
and burn
and burn

Heard quivering along the grape vine
grew bitter
Words shivering to escape my spine
*You quitter

You may not belong there.
The most precious are rare
from the rest who don't share
that for which this room care.

And so here is somewhere
we are harder to scare
may you find strength to stare
back the eyes that compare
those blinded by our glare
from burdens we may bear.

And may love help prepare
us for lovely repair.

watching the sunrise
surprise me in the evening
i can't evening; realize
potentially what personifies

you or your taste
upbeat and outpaced
we meet and i faced
just 5 feet
google street-
view i felt at home
then i knew i yearn to roam
outside of pixels confined
his wide grin as if was designed
to remind me
love will find me
*
can't can't can't
important out
conformist rant
erased wry pant
replaced i grant
we chased, we chant
prefaced, we shan't
displace on slant
onslought instant
distraught recant
enchant wrought on
our rotten re-plant of
an antic talking frantic
infrared entranced romantic
instead transcended semantic
exalted assaulted tantric

talk sick
balk pick
stalk trick
**** quick
lock click
shock strik
flock thick
block brick
rock stick
walk kick
stall tick

finally i found
how much ground
turned quickly to sand
falling asleep in atyland
and i woke up
we broke the cup
pours out my skull
what was half full

I hide behind the screen and deflect my doubt with laugher.
so you close the lid, your lids, to thoughts like, maybe there's something to look forward to if you keep looking ahead.
maybe if I don't surrender to mundane or settle for expectations I will have a reason to keep looking ahead.

maybe the fate that has been nagging at your feet since you first stood,  tugging and pleading you listen,  
      no, you don't understand,
       This is bad.
           this will end badly.

I know, but I'll know when it's starting to get bad, and I'll stop.

There's no harm in enjoying until it becomes a problem, right?

But the problem doesn't manifest elaborate overnight. keep waiting and "enjoying" the missteps...."while you can" before it is a problem.

An then you don't know how to escape.
because you unbranded the ladder while killing time, t distract yourself from having to accept you're wrong.

You're in over your head.

Nobody can save you,
you cannot save it.

You stare back with no fear
overcome, I'd **** to disappear

The underground dream
is dreamless underground

Barreling double loaded to disaster
to reach the same conclusion, only faster

Emptied; by past astounded
Dreamt disasters unfounded.

But you. To bear.
Bury myself in you.

Instead keeping my ground
To bed sleeping is bound
Unspoken tones across
                a planet, how profound
Awoken stones no moss
                we plan it, rolling now around

In eachother we drown
within deep resounding
  Finding you surround me
   Serenity has found me.
   And i let love confound me.

And you. To bear.
I bury me in you.

They tolerate it because it's completely voluntary and there's nothing riding on their presence around me.

Consolidated becomes the repeated solitary hiding, far gone pleasantries by loneliness compounding.

Down I've worn the tread.
I was born already dead.

I'm unsure, he's unaware
While still reassuring repair
to cure eyes sore by keen compare
with pure spots blinded in the stare.

Sweet allure within despair
shy and demure, polite and fair
enduring subtle not to scare
For what lie low, cannot prepare
poor but buy woe and bought to share
swore what I know I thought was there
door shut pry so as not ensnare
More room to grow we sought somewhere
the sun would care
for none were rare
to run unspun
bury what's done
no nightmare dare
come
we won't bear
some-
where cared by for the sun.

A plot we fought in every room
Distraught devouring the bloom
Forgot the seed inside the womb
We ought to make this house a tomb

Honeycomb are to the bees,
as madness is to mysteries;
and are polite priorities
nectar of insecurities?

The recounted sheep are bleating/(bleeding),
cry of wolf to deaf misleading;
as i bray again repeating,
every note so self-defeating.

Thrown about the limbs of trees,
chaos with-in-discrepancies;
that which we melt just to freeze
wring tangles such as these.

My journey is while they sleep;
a shepherdess lost counted sheep;
the edge, again, too fall or leap
for flight first failure grade so steep.

My white whale wild in the seas,
this ship no sail, nor north agrees;
e-spurning taste of tease:
I am Ahab's intricacies.

To illusion am I ******,
eternally roaming the land;
through burning thirst for empathy
I''m plagued with insecurity.

In an old biblical story,
mortal glimpsed our father's glory;
from that instant's blinding light,
was driven mad- took his own sight

Gabriel descended
              and he called out to me
So I got out of my bed
              and swam to him across the sea

We met within the forest
              under cover of the shade
I asked why he had beckoned
              he said, Because you obeyed

As we walked, he asked
              what forever haunts my soul:
If you had a preference,
              would you cause or close the hole?

The first to arrive at the other side
              and leave the ones you love behind,
Or live to lose them, one by one,
              the last one to be left alive?

I could not respond, and so I walked
              away and left him there.
I came when called, and my reward:
              a cross I’m too weak to bear.

Returning home as dawn arrived
              met by the sleepy faces
My beloved ones, unbeknownst
              to such lonely and dark places.

I’ve run away, and on the lam
              a nomad known by none;
Those I have left I pray forget
              the madness that Gabriel spun.

Night brings chill, and he returns
              and I, weary, can’t hide
Kneeling beside, he says to me
              You can’t outrun the tide

I’d hoped to circumvent the loss
              in death that he’d revealed;
For if alone, I could not lose
              or be lost when fate wield

The ones I’d loved were left without
              me,  I too lost them all
For fear of death had drowned my hope
              the day the angel called

GIVEN ALL THESE
THUNDERCLAPS
I WONDER
WHERE WE LAST
TOUCHING ON THE BACKS OF OUR HANDS
TOGETHER, FALLING
WATCHING AS WE
SPLIT INTO…

I FOUND OUT
THE OWL, SAYS WHO?
AND THE BEARS
AND THE BEARS
AND THE BEARS
AND THE BEARS
THE BEARS
THE BEARS
THE BEARS
BEARS

THERE IS SOMETHING I MUST TELL YOU
UGH

THERE COMES THUNDER
THERE GOES LIGHTNING
STILL I WONDER
IF THEY'RE FIGHTING
I CAN'T HELP BUT ASK MYSELF
WHAT'S THE WORTH

THEN THEY COME
AND THEIR THUMBS WILL
DRAW NUMB,
AND THEY CAN'T SPEAK
THEY'RE DUMB

HERE COME LIGHTNING
HERE COMES THUNDER
THEY'RE STILL FIGHTING
I STILL WONDER
DOES YOUR NUMB GROW-

DOES YOUR THUMB GROW NUMB
FROM HOLDING DOWN
THE MUTE BUTTON WITH YOUR CROWN
AS YOU'RE SCREAMING, SETTLE DOWN
IN YOUR GOWN

WITH THE TEARS
STREAMING DOWN YOUR FACE
AND THE YEARS
LIKE IT NEVER TOOK PLACE
AND THE HEART
NOW JUST AN EMPTY SPACE
AND THE PART
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS, TO REPLACE

Struggle is real

I've never been any good
At asking for what I need
I'd rather be the only hunger
I don’t know how to feed
And if I could, maybe I should
I wouldn't pause to bleed
Upon your tide recede
The only motive something of greed