There are monsters all around my dear
Let me make myself perfectly clear

They live on the land, they live on the sea
There's two for you, three for me

There's no escape, no place to hide
It's a slippery *****, you can feel the slide

If your not careful they'll get inside
That's when you'll wish you would of died

©Pauline Russell

My name is Humpty
Everyone just dumpes on me
I know a secret most won't tell
I was cracked before I fell

The sun was shining very bright
In my very darkest night
The stars' they misaligned
The moon I simply couldn't find
Left frozen on that August day
A blizzard of emotions in the way

Amongst the pain and agony
I found myself on bended knee
No longer able to stand
Buried in your life's sand

So now on my belly I'll crawl
Banging my head against the wall
Knowing I'll never see the light
This situation I can not fight

For you see our darkest hour
That leaves us all to cower
Rarely ever comes at night
It attacks when the day is bright
So sleeping with that gun under your pillow
Won't stop the winds of change that billow

©Pauline Russell

Standing here with the world upon my shoulders
As I watch my dreams ignite and smolder
The greenest storm clouds are encroaching
The city's on fire, on the horizon I can see it smoking

All I can see is flames, around me the fire's rage
I'm shackled in chains, locked in a cage
By the rancid smell, I'd say my soul has rotten
For I'm all alone, I've been forgotten

The fire rages on

Slowly consuming all my dreams until they're gone
With the weight of the world making me sink
I'm afraid I'm already over the brink

©Pauline Russell

In the coffin bare
You will find it there
If you want to know
All the secrets it will hold
All the sorrow and the strife
Will all end in the passing of life
Take a look at the empty shell
It's been released from it's cell

©Pauline Russell

I'm facing down the beast
It's constant assault will never cease
It's ridged, but everything to it's will bends
Beyond this earth it transcends

It eventually leaves everything to rust and ruin
On and on it keeps on chewing
There is no stopping it, I'm only human
It's always there, always looming

In it's clutches there is nothing but change
It just loves to rearrange
Mountains it will not let stand
Oceans it will turn to sand

Every single thing, it touches and rapes
Even in the coffin there is no escape
It still munches and shapes

Dead and dying dreams, it leaves in it's wake
Everything it will forsake
It's always there to leave it's mark
In the light or in the dark

So while we're here ring the bells, let them chime
While there's still a mountain, climb
After all, you can't change time

It was a cart once made for shopping
Now lost and long forgoten
It was a cart once silver and shiny
Now old, disgusting and grimy

She found it there in an unused lot
It was exactly what she had sought
In it she placed her worldly belongings
Including her hopes, her dreams, and longings

She took it with her wherever she went
Hours organizing it where spent
Not one thing about that cart was inept
She knew every scrap of paper, and were it was kept
There was room for her clothes, she had very few
Far less than anyone knew
A spot for the table scraps she managed to find
Who knew you could live on less than a dime

But there in the middle you'll find two old tattered tins
Her most prized possessions where tucked safely within

One tin was for the past and things that are no more
With child like eyes, she'd peek in and explore
For both Joy and Sorrow are contained inside
Amongst the Polaroids of life, a lock of child's hair did reside

The other was for her hopes and dreams
They carried her on, when there seemed to be no means
Even when all the dreams eventually explode and collide
Hope will still be standing strong by her side

Her life as it is now, out here on the streets
Was unexpected, not planned...... the memory repeats

A bright sunny day
Soaking up the sun's rays
Both out by their pool
Him sitting at the bar on a stool
But little boys sure do like to giggle
They squirm, and they wiggle

Her out stretched fingers grazed his shirt as he fell
Her screams of anguish no one could quail
As she held his limp body pleading for him to open his eyes
Screaming at the heavens..... WHY.... WHY.... WHY

Now on this block you can find her every day
Pushing that shopping cart as she limps and she sways
Come bare witness to the sad aftermath
One split second, changed a life's path

©Pauline Russell

I hear you there outside my walls
I hear your hiss, I hear your growls
I hear the distance mournful calls
Like the haunting hoot of the owls
I seen the darkest angels fall
For pain that has no words, the wolf only howls

On this very darkest night
When the eye in the sky has become blind
Your shadow darts in and out of my sight
Slowly, methodical you nibble at the fringes of my mind
My eyes dance with fright like the candle's light
This feeling if terror is unfeigned

I can feel your scales slowly scrap against my siding
Your hollow glowing eyes peering in my window
In my inky room scarcely breathing, hiding
For I had seen you that cold day in August devour my Hero
Your continuously morphing shapes is Terrifying
Stuck here between death and living, is truly limbo

The crisp fall leaves rustle as you pace
My Hero now gone, in sorrow I'm swept away
You made sure I'd be all alone in this unholy place
I'll dwell in your clutch of sorrow and darkness, till my last day
With certainty I know the last thing in life I'll see is your face
For eyes that once sparkled, once danced, now dead, clouded gray

Sometimes depression hits me like a ton of bricks
And when that happens the blood runs thick
I'm trying to find reasons for my life story to go on
Maybe this will be my final song
Think I'll just take the razor and bleed along
I'm tired of the darkness
This might be my catalyst

©Pauline Russell

I have rotted on the vine
No one plucked me before I died
Now I'm just fermented fruit
I am feeling mighty minut
I guess it is now my time
Just feed me to the ***** swine
They will slurp me like expensive wine
I'll make them feel mighty fine
At lest then my flesh well have served a purpose
My carcass won't have been totally worthless

©Pauline Russell

I would trade all the stars above
Just to have another hug
The sun and moon too
For your "I love you"

I miss your smile, it cut through my sorrow
Your love made me want to see tomorrow
I miss your dark ocean blue eyes
They always seen through my disguise

I miss the way you'd hug me tight
When everything wasn't right
I miss your friendship most of all
When both of us were in a fall

That day my world went from gray to black
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have you back
But way to soon you was called back home
So now I travel this dark road alone

©Pauline Russell

I can't catch my breath
I can't grasp your death
Living on without you
I simply don't want to do

I can't stop the pain
I can't stop the rain
Pouring from my eyes
Every heart beat is a sigh

I can't stop the grief
I can't stop the disbelief
You're everywhere I look
You're not a chapter you're my book

Monkey's awake
Crawling on in
Just under the skin
He start to rake

Throw the switch
Hands start shaking
Feel the quaking
A growing itch

Self control wanes
He always wins
Know how it ends
With me not sane

Have you forgotten how this works
We get off in one big ****

You can not put me off for later
By then I will have become a fable

You must write when I command
On this fact I squarely stand

Even when sleep tries to steal you away
In your brain I still romp and play

I will make your tired body get up and write
For your brain is not that tight

The words will leak right out
You know that fact without a doubt

I know how important I am to you
So what I say, you will do

You will always do as I choose
For you can't live with out your muse

With you now gone
With no one to hold on
Emotions are mine alone
Mine to own

All alone I'll keep my secret
I know just where I'll keep it
I'll keep them in my pen, my ink
Deep into the paper I'll let it sink

This universe is so ******* cruel
Suffering here without you
You where my rock, my Dimond
Now who is all alone... Well I am

So I feverishly scratch, like cat with claw
I write it all out, big and loud on my wall
After I'm gone, maybe someone will read
Till that day my pen will still bleed

Way out here in outer space
Searching every distance place
The Moon's so cold without your embrace

I'm still here in flight
Way out past the satellite
Hoping one day we may reunite

Rising quickly is my frustration
Knowing for me there is no salvation
As I see your face in every  constellation

I can't see the silver lining
Even with all the stars still shining
Because all I can do is keep on crying

Loves resurrection is over due
So I will keep on searching for you
Just leave me a **** bread trail, a clue

Because on earth you'll never be again
My heart will never be whole, never mend
The death of everything is the wages of our sin



©Pauline Russell

The rain comes splattering in through my window, like a thousand cool tiny kisses

My skin glisten

It begins as the sun goes down in the coal black inky darkness of night

Layer of fright

Thunder so loud it rattles the windows, shakes the room

Sonic boom

Bright white hot lighting splits the night into

Darkness resumes

The rain pours down trying to drown everything, that's for certain

Glistening wet curtain

The wind is bending the trees to it's will, making house shingles fly

Look to the sky

Destruction is on the horizon, The finger of God is on the ground

No safe haven found

The funnel cloud again ascends into the heavens, leaving behind a shattered earth

What's the cost,the worth

The morning light brings silence, only the sounds of the mothers crying

The fathers sighing

Broken boards, tattered dreams, toppled trees

What's become of me

You'll find my body in the field, I road the winds, soul ripped from my mortal shell

**** up to heaven, thrown down to hell

©Pauline Russell

It doesn't matter how the world sees you
For the world is quite subdued
It set's the limit of what is acceptable
What is regrettable
What is transposable
What is disposable

All that matters is how the people in your life view you
Are you loud, are you crude
Are you brazen,are you rude
Or are you the voice that soothes

Do you do your very best
To make other's feel blessed
Even though your more than stressed
With your own life a ****** up mess

Do they see your strength, does it show
Even though your hope was gone long ago
Do you still brave each day
Fighting there, in the gray

Can they find the hope you lost
Do they see you go on, no matter the cost
Do they love you anyway
Even when your in the hole, do they stay
Stand beside you night and day
Love you, even when you're in the sway

When depression takes your hand
Leads you to it's lonely land
By you then, do they still stand
Do they hold you close, do all they can

Or do they scatter
Leavening you to feel you don't matter
Making you out to be the Mad Hatter

Can you take off your disguise
Will they think you unwise
Not to continue your "happy" lie
Can they withstand the agony and sorrow in your eyes

If you do, and they can't
There will be no need to feel bad and rant

For when you drop your mask you'll find
You simply had friends of the wrong kind
Then you can leave the others far behind
As new friends start to unwind

©Pauline Russell

Splitter splatter, pitter patter,  rain dance my cares away
Pitter patter, splitter splatter, on this cold and lonely day

Doing your tap dancing on the crisp Fall leaves
In your rhythm all my worries are relieved

Slapping out the tune on the old evergreen
The most beautiful sound I have ever seen

Splitter splatter, beating on my windowpane
Trying to break my heavy mental chain

Pitter patter, rapidly tapping on the glass
Trying to warn me, of shadows yet to be cast

©Pauline Russell

The wind will blow, the chimes will dance
Be you in the throws of grief, or great romance
Our feelings, nothing but a victim of circumstance

©Pauline Russell

Started out innocent and clean
Then I  heard the angel's screams

Mercy, mercy, mercy
Please

All that remains now is the pain
Watching the angels fall like rain

Mercy, mercy, mercy
Please

Living here in the perpetual night
Angeles now far out of sight

Mercy, mercy, mercy
Please

Shadows of what could of been
Angels drowning in humans sin

Mercy, mercy, mercy
Please

Driven down to bended knee
Watching demons as they glean

Mercy, mercy, mercy,
Please

More agony than I could dream
As angels and demons scream

Mercy, mercy, mercy,
Please

But nothing up there hears a sound
As we splatter on the cold wet ground

It's really hard to care
In a life lived in despair
Keeping thoughts confined
To a world that's so unkind

I'll lose my mind

I can't let them see
I'm dying to be free
Shake the shackles lose
****** and bruised

I've paid my dues

I've tasted agony
Down on bended knee
Loved ones I have lost
It's such a cost

My heart gets tossed

They'll just stand and stare
As I escape life's little snare
As I fly off away elsewhere
To beauty beyond compare

I'll meet my loved ones there

It's really hard to care
In a life lived in despair
So I'll take this tragedy
Just to set myself free

Wanted to take a secound to make a wish
That all my fellow poets have a joyous day
No matter what Holiday is your cup of tea, your dish
If you are alone or sad, I hope a smile comes your way
I hope all your Holiday plan's you accomplish
And that joy comes to your table to stay

©Pauline Russell

Like a mighty hurricane
Your memories play about my brain
Bringing forth both happiness and pain

This is what follows
When pulled under by the sorrow
My mind your absence trys to grasp
Breath quickens, to short little rasp
Heart beating at such a rate
It threatens to beat through my breastplate
Butterfly feelings, makes my stomach twirl
Like millions of delicate wings in a swirl
Sleep refuses to invade
All the memories with you I've made

Then the tears start to slide
Slow at first, like they're trying to hide
The shoulders that shake
Till my whole body quakes
Trying to keep the whimpering moans inside
But the wail breaks forth, with the pooling tears coincide

Every feeling for you is amplified
Every moment magnified
To your memory forever chained and enslaved
You left my heart engraved

Conceal
Don't feel

Plaster a smile on your face
Remember your place
Dance that same old dance
Happiness at first glance

Conceal
Don't feel

Happiness at first glance
Don't give them the chance
Keep them away from the fringes
Your coming off the hinges

Conceal
Don't feel

Your coming off the hinges
Blinded buy the vision
Of the misty gray
Of all your yeasterdays

Conceal
Don't feel

Of all your yesterdays
Only sorrow flowed your way
But remember your place
Plaster that smile on your face

A tic for a tac
And all of that
Once gone, it'll never come back

A penny for your thoughts
Because that's all you got
Even after all you sought

What comes around goes around
By this law we are bound
Even when silence is the only sound

You'll find all that glitters is not gold
You must take solace in what you hold
Before it spoils and turns to mold

Stuck between a rock and a hard place
This seems to be a hard case
Just stay in this space

So bite the bullet, till you bite the dust
See everything through eyes of disgust
For every thing turns to rust

So burn the midnight oil
So time your plans won't foil
Curl in on it's self and recoil

For this world is as cold as ice
Nothing in this place is nice
It will beat you up more than thrice

Brain is fried
Hands are tied
Soul has died

Just pound that last nail in the coffin
Please do not speak of us often
We'll be in the ground just rotten

©Pauline Russell

My hopes was flying way to high
Way up there in the bright blue sky
For just a moment I forgot
This is not where my train stops

I forgot my sky's are gray
I forgot only sadness finds it's way
Through sorrow's mist
It was something I had dismissed

Just for a moment my thoughts ran away
Just for a minute I let them stray
Thinking plans would all work out
That bucking horse, I wouldn't have to mount

I let them float way to far
Past the clouds, past the stars
So this is all my fault
I put the horse behind the cart

The rope was cut
The dream got bent
This smile I only rent
Happiness for me was never ment

©Pauline Russell

The Christmas angel sat sadly on the shelf
She sat there all by herself
She had been sitting there for years
You could tell she had cried many tears
For she was covered in dust, except for the streaks
On her beautifully round cheeks

For there was no tree for her to grace the top
One year it wasn't put up, it just came to a stop
All the children had grown up and left
In them the Christmas spirit had been kept
They had always been the reason
The mother had decorated for the season
The reason the smell of cookies baking would fill the house
Now there is not even a cookie crumb, not even for a mouse

So the angel sat all alone
Watching how the darkness had grown
The mother no longer caring
Her sadness, over bearing
Every year it seemed to get worse
The mother feeling Christmas time was a curse
The angel trying to figure out how her cold heart to traverse
How to chase away the darkness and the pain disperse

Then like magic, one Christmas eve a knock on the door
What the mother saw knocked her to the floor
Her eye's filled with tears of joy
There in the doorway stood a little girl and a little boy
The grandbabies had came
Christmas would never be the same
Those tiny little arms held out to be picked up
Had more than over filled the Christmas spirits cup

With laughter and song
The put up the tree, it didn't take long
And the angel was dusted off
Given a kiss and placed on the top
Although old and slightly tattered
It didn't in the lest bit matter
They plugged in the tree, fingers crossed they hoped it would light
All those gathered round the tree gasped at the sight
That little angel had never shined such a bright brilliant light

A single tear rolled down the mother's cheek, the same time one rolled down the face of the angel
A tear of joy and of hope for the future, then the Grandmother scooped up the grandbabies Kimberly and Abel
Held them up so they could see
Just how beautiful that angel could be

©Pauline Russell

I look back on years gone by
Trying to figure out the how and why
How we clung to each other trying to easy the pain
We clung to each other in the cold November rain
The rains have come around again this year
All alone,  I'm standing here
Head held down
As this freezing cold rain splatters on the ground
Making puddles at my feet
As I travel down this dead end street
The cold penetrates my bones
For your not here, I'm all alone
Your memories can't keep me warm
Only images of you in my mind are formed
They where desperate times for you and me
But looking back I can clearly see
We where never ment to be
I was only a life raft in your troubled sea
I wish I'd known then I was just your crutch
That I didn't mean that much
For now the only sound that resounds
In this frozen heart of mine, is this cold November rain falling down

He sat all alone at home
There was no where to roam
Even on this holiday
All his family had passed away
His ex-wife and kids where in a different state
There was nothing for him to celebrate
Life had left him with an empty plate
He was trying hard to stay away from deaths gate

He sat there trying to watch on tv some shows
Only commercials of happy families, that's just the way it goes
He set's there reliving happier memories
Then looked around at his empty house of misery

A call from his kids
Sent him into a skid
Made him relive their younger years
He was so glad they couldn't see his tears
He did have a small smile as they talked
But like anything the call to soon came to an end, it stopped

The heart piercing whimper that acrossed his lips seep
Would of made the coldest hearted person weep
He just sat there with eyes red with the pain
Knowing all he had lost, not seeing anything left to gain

The agony of his memories played in his mind
Desperately wishing he could go back in time
So he could fix it all, make it all rhyme
For this mountain of lonely misery, he just couldn't climb

As others enjoy their families, with good food and cheer
You will find him setting there with his cans of beer
Trying to drown his sorrow, amplified by this holiday of thanks giving
Wishing that instead of dying inside, he was living

©Pauline Russell

Why is life such a a meanie such a bully
There's no controlling it, it's so unruly
Some times it only gives me a ******, other times it knocks me to my knees
It just does what it please
But lately it's been knocking me out
What the **** is that all about
Life sure does need to stop this plight
That it has against my right
To be happy now and then
So I can at lest offer the world a grin
But I still have a furrowed brow
I wear the same old scowl
Because my life is such a bully
It's become so ******* unruly

I went down to the land of woe
Where all the selfish people go
They all set around a banquet table
But to eat they just weren't able
Glorious food was all abound
Eagerly at that table they all sat around
But the forks and spoons where a mile long
They all cried, "this is unfair and wrong"
Try as the might
They couldn't get it right
Some where dying of hunger
They couldn't get the food to their mouths, they where going under
They couldn't  figure out how to eat
It seems this life has them beat

              Meanwhile

Just across the river nine
This is what you'll find
It's the exact same scene
Glorious food, it's so serene
They all set around a great big table
Same long utensils, but to eat they are able
Can you imagine what the difference is
Why they can eat and live like this.....................

It's a lesson we all should learn
So by ourselves we don't get burned
It's as simple as thinking of others
For my friend, they feed one another

I'm feeling today that something is wrong
Bells are going off, it sounded an alarm
Talked to my friends, they're inside of my head
Here's what they told me, this is what's said

"what's left of your brain this is what we find"
"your thoughts where unique, they where one of a kind"
"But years of abuse"
"Has shook everything loose"

But something not right
No longer needing to fight
Feeling so free
How could this be

"Well, with that gun in your hand"
"You where off to a different land"
"we, your friends all agree"
"with that single shot you set us all free"
"You'll no longer be afraid"
"With your death, you where saved"

No more body, means no more deep scars
I can finally reach out and touch the stars
This realization was stunning indeed  
A wonderful feeling of final being freed

I don't want to do this any more
Just leave me lying on the floor
I am nothing but the goo
That's been wiped of the shoes

Of all that have tromped
Of all that have stomped

They have whittled me down
Till there is no ME to be found
Shavings lying scattered
When the northern wind battles
I'm a broken window that rattles

Into dust I've been turned
Into dust I've been burned

It's true....what humans couldn't do
Well...the universe finished through
Leaving me dangling from the noose
Refusing to ever turn me loose

It makes sure I'm in it's twist
It makes sure I'm in it's fist

Please walk away
You don't want to see the sway
For I know what tomorrow will bring
So I'll just hang here and swing

He took the drugs to ease his physical pain
He took the drugs to deal with all the strain
He took the drugs now it's in his brain
He took the drugs now he's stuck in the sick and twisted game

You'll find him there within his room
You'll find him there with the needle and the spoon
You'll find him there where the darkness looms
You'll find him there for the pain always resumes

I'm scared one day I'll find him there............that awful shade of blue

(poet's side note: worse fear realized August 16th 2016)

This silence is brutally violent
The voices in my head went silent
My thoughts continue to race
They stir no emotion, just empty space
A pulverized heart keeps beating
The thumping in my chest keeps repeating
The wells in my eyes have ran dry
No more tears will be cried
Not a thing to keep me reeling
No emotion, no feelings
I'm afraid I've succumbed
Laying on a bed of thorns, feeling nothing but numb

Close to death
A finale breath
Reaper's touch
A finale hush
Pain dissipates
In loved one's eyes reinstates

I've felt it coming on for days
That ******* Dog is on his way
Nothing I did made his course sway

Why can't he just slumber
But deep in his throat I heard that rumble
I know I'm going to take a tumble

On the sharp rocks of life I'll be dashed
A bone crunching crash
It'll be fast

He pounced on he this morning
Now I'm in mourning
I seen him coming I had warning

In his big strong jaws he'll rip me apart
He'll devour my soul, my heart
That will only be a start

As he guards my hole
Not letting me go
My agony grows

Little girl lost
Always paying the cost
Look where she was tossed

Sleepless eye so big and bright
Way up there in the darkened sky
Watching all that wage the fight
Seeing all the pain they have acquired
That leaves them balancing on the brink
Slowly and agonizingly they expire
Sleepless eye doesn't blink

Full Knowledge

I need to find some where to de-stress , to hide
Before I break, and leave this side
I feel the noose, it's lowering
I see the shadows it's throwing
Images of things to come
When finally pushed beyond, and I succumb
A few more inches
Skin slightly flinches
Soon to be around my neck
Doesn't matter,  we're but specks
Why continue to balance on the razor edge
When you have full knowledge
Tomorrow will be no better than today
And today was worse than yesterday

Copyright: Pauline Russell   10-5-16

You can call me a Saint,  you can call me the devil
But at lest my head is on nice and level

Yours was not
It was in the wrong spot
It was leaning to one side
You where looking at me kinda snide
I got tired of you showing nothing but scoff
So I chopped it off

With your head now planted firmly on my lap
Lips no longer continually flap
I'll sit and enjoy the silence,  petting you like the Cheshire Cat
Making sure your eyes are turned, enjoy the view of where your body fell flat

Copyright: Pauline Russell   10-5-16

Lying on my bed watching the fan move the skeletons around in my closet
I look over to the TV where my Raggedy Ann sits
A pretty little thing, but she's missing an arm
Can't help but think, like me a few parts are gone
Yet some how here we both still remain
Still existing, but never to be the same
The one that gave her to me never noticed what was wrong
She over looked Raggedy Ann's missing arm
I can only hope, most see me like my friend did Raggedy
Not for what I am, a crushed broken tragedy

I sit and wail
As memories of you swell
Threating to bring down the wall
As I remember your final fall

You fell right through my out stretched arms
I could not save you from your demons harm
I could not bring you back to me
Now your memories is all I have to see

I was so angry you left me here all alone
This cut is deep, right to the bone
A wound that will never heal, never become just a scar
As you now dwell amongst the stars

Now I find, I turn my eyes to the midnight sky
The tears rolling quickly and quietly as I cry
I'm searching for something left by you
A shooting star, a comet, a clue
Just to let me know your okay, that you made it through

That would make it worth our final good bye
Maybe then my tears would subside
Maybe then they would turn to silent sighs
But the pain will always be with me that is true
For my dearest friend, I will forever miss you

Till we meet again on the other side
There's one thing that will never die
It is constant, it will always be the same
My love for you will always remain

I lie and watch her as she sleeps
It's then I see her soul truly weep
You can tell by the way in which she moves
She has seen more than her fair share of abuse

She is always curled into the tightest ball
Arms covering her head, waiting for the fall
To many times awoken with angry fist
This is the way her body was always kissed
Cries of No echoing, disturb her silent night
As in her dreams, again she puts up a fight

The morning sun brings no sign of relief
Staggering under the weight of all the grief
Some days she can hide it all so well
Cheery voice, plastered smile no one can tell
But most days it only thunders, only storms
As emotions ripp through her like razor thorns

She whispers when she thinks no one can hear
"I'm so tired of feeling like this for so many years
Way beneath the surface... a lot more agony no one can see
Like an iceberg lost and floating, that is me"

I gently touch and wake her up, masking what's within my eyes
Yes, I wear my own disguise
Her beautiful essence hypnotized as it taunts
I'm scared of these feelings I don't want

Terrified one day she will just disappear
Falling forever through her darkened atmosphere
I don't know what to do, her eyes desperately pleads, "don't give up"
I fear I'm not even close to good enough
But she already tied my heart to hers with diamond tread
So I'll hold this bleeding angel that graces my bed

Slow down don't be so rushed
Soon enough your life will be hushed
Take some time to look around
There is infinite things to be found

Don't get so caught up in the day to day
That you don't take a second to break away
Just a simple small glance
To see, what you can see perchance

This universe holds infinite power
Just take a look at the smallest flower
Thin lines of color precisely placed  
Upon it's delicate tiny face

All that is required is a closer look
For experiences to open like a book
So when your feeling like your about to drown
Stop and take a closer look around
You will be amazed at what seems new
Simply from a second view

This world is filled with to much pain
Like a vampire it just ***** and drains
It's hard to stand tall under all the strain
I find myself once more sinking below
Like hot molten tar, it won't let me go

Despair spreading faster than a cancer
For all my questions there is no answer
I really don't know what the **** to do
As my soul is ripped in two

My tears keep sliding the mask down my face
As misery and sorrow interlace
Everywhere I go I leave a river of anguish behind
As memories of my life, flood my mind

It'd leave you terrified if you could look and find
All the things that I do hide
Behind my fake facade
For I am much more than odd

For I am the definition of sorrow
Of all things hollow
Painted with the brush of dark mystery
I am the picture of misery
I'm the cautionary tale
The elders, use to exhale
I am the woeful song
That in this world doesn't belong

Down into the belly of the earth
Burned to the core to prove my worth
Cleansed or consumed,  we'll soon know the end to my story
Whatever the outcome, there will be no glory
This universe is in full ******* control
Watch as it pushes me deeper down below

Is a desperate wish the heart makes
In want, of correcting life's mistakes

In my deepest darkest night
I don't need words they're so contrite
I just need someone to brave this sight
Hold me so close and tight

The one who would,  seen his light
Grew his wings and took his flight
Flew so far, his out of sight
Left me all alone in the dark to fight

So I don't need your words, they only bite
Words can be so contrite
I need someone to hold me tight
While I wage my war and fight
But everyone is scared of the sight
Of a broken soul in the deepest darkest night

She stared out her window, it was scary and dark
Harvest Moon reminding her of all she forgot
The crickets sweet song, was a deafening roar
Harvest Moon calling, come and explore

This night and what would transpire, she already knew
The fear of it all, invaded her mind and grew
She decided to be brave and examine it all
It was the end she feared, not the fall

Harvest moon hung in the sky big and bright
She ventured outside in the soft orange light
The fireflies fluttered and danced under the trees
The leaves rustled with the chilly northern breeze
Her eyes darted and searched, fear clung to her
"why did this orange night occur "
She always thought this night would be red
Not this beautiful orange hue of the moon instead

The shadows reached out to her soul and beckoned
Feet hesitating for only a short second
Now deep in the woods no light escaped through
Harvest Moon not seeing her, once orange turned blue

The owls asked her questions
That we dare never mention
She answered them all with tears and with truth
Oooh those owls where such cunning sleuths
She walked on through the forest decay
Telling the shadows of memories to just stay away

She broke through the dark tree line
Leaving those deep inky shadows behind
She had came to a field of bittersweet wheat
Her fingertips brushed the tops as she walked with bear feet

Harvest Moon smiling to see she made it through
Her mind was the forest where the dark thoughts flew
Nightingales came to sing a song of rebirth
For that is what happens when you leave this earth

She stood in that field ready and willing
For the razor sharp scythe to do it's reaping
In the soft orange glow of that night
Harvest Moon made everything right
Her sorrowful life over with a whimper, not a boom
You'll find her up there visiting that glorious Harvest Moon

I don't want to move
I don't want to breath, I'm in that mood
Just leave me here to die a slow painful death
Crying and writhing till my finale breath
That can't come to soon
My heart and soul languish in this doom
Dear Sweet Jesus please come and take me now
Please, oh please I can't take this could you show me how
How to end this suffering I've endured all my life
God you've only given me strife
I thought you was finally gonna let love and light into my life
Only to ****** it away in the end
God you're so cruel you where never a friend