Blackened skies haunt my dreams,
Nightmares that are just too real.
Droplets of blood
Seeping through my cuts.

1 cut, 2 cuts, 3 cuts and then more
Waiting for your words
To tare me all apart.
Another ****** memory.

Snow white scars line my wrists.
Blood red tears line my cheeks.
Safety pin bandages cover my arms.
Long  restless nights of pain.

I don't know what I'm doing,
Scaring my arms and legs.
I don't know what I'm doing,
Hiding away from the world.

I'm a lost cause,
We've known that from the start.
I'm a messed up girl,
That's never going to change.

I'm lost inside a labyrinth,
With its ever changing paths.
One minute you're near escaping,
The next it's altered all again.
A never ending nightmare
Thinking it knows what's best for you,
But it's lies are imbedded deep within
And there's nothing more that you can do.

My mind is like a tornado,
Destroying everything in its path.
One day I'm simply surviving
The next, I wish I was dying.
I'm terrified of my mind
For I fear it can make me do.
Self-destructive, hypocrite of pain and love
Beckoning me to hurt once more because that's all I deserve.

I need a form of light to follow,
I need some kind of direction to go.
I may of lost my way again
Now I'm bruised.
I kind of need a friend to take my hand
Or a hero...
Is it you?

I need a pulling, cause I can't seem to sleep
I need your warm embraces to make me feel safe.
I feel lost without you
My minds spinning, I'm confused
I kind of need someone to help me through
Or a hero...
Is it you?

Alcoholic laced tears.
Smeared mascara paintings on pillowcases.
A symphony of crying souls.
Cuts of feelings otherwise numb too.

I lie here in my bed,
afraid of what I may do next
as I know that I am losing my fight
with a demon too much to bare
wanting a free ride into this thing called life.

My alcoholic laced tears
intoxicating my very being,
pushing me towards an inevitable end
but this time I will not stop them from falling,
I will not stop the blade that scars my skin,
I will lie here and let death take me
I will no longer be a burden to your existence.

Another sleepless night of pain and misery
Laced with alcoholic tears;
Choking on silent sobs that threaten to spill
Only to be greeted by nothingness.
How did I end up in such a desolate state?
Only wanting to jump down the impending rabbit hole,
Lying to everyone around me
Intending to do as little harm to others,
Choosing to inflict it all upon myself

Longing for the darkness to consume me and this loneliness.
Always feeling defeated by thoughts of never being enough.
Chasing after broken promises and empty words,
Eventually giving up a fight I lost a long time ago,
Doubting anyone cares enough to stay!

Tell me, where did everybody go?
Eventually people no-longer care what you do to yourself
Avoiding the words of 'I need help'
Remembering the pain they caused so many before
Sometimes, one swift moment is all it takes.

In a lifetime, a thousand things can go left unsaid;
a touch is never felt when it needs to be felt,
a heart is never loved when it desperately longs to.
We walk around with unspoken feelings
weighing down upon our shoulders,
leading to desperate moments of regret,
promising that some day we will speak words of truth
but that someday never coming -
sometimes taken from us too soon.
In a lifetime, a thousand things can go unsaid or acted on.
Why cant we see
that while we have the chance in life,
we should speak when we can speak,
love when we can love,
and most importantly, touch when we can touch.

We go through our lifetime with a thousand words left unsaid,
but what if we chose to speak the truth of thoughts and feelings?

Now all of the stars
Are fading away
As I watch the last ones burn out of existence
I feel myself falling to the same darkness.
Closed off from feelings of hope,
Now things have all become too unbearable for one person alone
I surrender to the dark abyss of my insanity.
Now all of the stars are fading away,
I will take my place amongst
The burnt out forgotten.

I'm losing my mind
To these voices inside
As they tear apart my sanity.
I have cuts on my wrists
And scars on my hips
From a past I cannot escape from.
I fear every meal time
For thought of gaining weight
And the image that stares back and mocks me.
You see I long for one thing
And that's to bee good enough for me
But my thoughts are so self destructive.
So every night I cry
Curled up on the floor
With my companion in hand
Willing myself not to begin again.
See this would be easier with bottles of pills
And a mind that wasn't always racing.
I'm balanced on the edge
For weeks straight I've only had one thought,
I can do this, I can do this...
I can end this torment and no-one would notice
For I am nothing to so many.
I'm a lost voice on the wind
A shadow that can no longer be seen.

I cut
Just to feel alive.

I cry
Just to feel pain.

I skip meals
Just to feel worthy.

I don't sleep
Just to feel something.

Now, I don't even know
If I'm feeling anything at all.

Staring at the ceiling again tonight
wondering why I feel so alone.
Another night of tears to endure;
I just can't seem to put my mind to sleep.
Feeling like I'm always in the way
so I keep distancing myself from you.
Trying not to show just how scared I am
that you'll disappear when you see how bad i can be.

Feeling tears well up in my eyes today,
burying them deep so nobody sees.
Worried that this is all pretend
So I'll slowly pull away until I'm no longer there.
Trying my hardest not to let you in
keeping all those thoughts locked away inside.
I've been hurt and used a few too many times.
I don't think I could handle another pain like that.

This pounding in my head
And ringing in my ears,
Tightness in my chest
And tingling in my fingers.
This dizziness that consumes me
And fears that threaten my sanity
Rip at my heart
And make me feel like I'm going crazy.

This never ending sadness
And tears that threaten to drown me,
Irrational fears consume me
And poison my once good thoughts.
This emptiness and loneliness
And loss of energy I cannot get back
Tear my world apart
Until I no longer can go on.

I'm trying to fight
But this weakness is strong
It's taking over me
And I can't find anything worth holding onto.
These voices in my head
Pull me under the waves.
How am I too carry on
When I can't find the strength?

I'm holding onto what's left of me
But I've failed too many times
To even try to believe that these anything worth holding onto.
I'm slowly letting go
Because I've lost all hope,
I can't even find a dream to get me by.
How am I too carry on
When I can't find a reason to believe?

Some days it feels like I've lost all inspiration,
A prisoner within my own body and mind,
I sleep through the day and cry through the night,
Just caught in a downward fall...
Its taking too much effort to fight,
I just don't have the strength,
trying to hold on to whats still left of me.

When the life you had planned
slowly slips through your hands
when it feels like those plans you made are the only reason to stay.
When you can't find your way,
when each day is the same
when you've lost the fight inside of you
is there anything worth holding onto?

Its hard to stay strong, when weakness is overbearing.
I'm wondering if someone is there;
I'm not always good on my own,
I need someone I can rely on when things are rough.
There are dreams I've let die
that I've neglected to even try
I need to find out how to turn this darkness into light

When you feel so far from who you were
when you've lost all signs of hope
when you're searching for some peace but it feels too far away.
When your words have disappeared
and it feels there's nothing left inside of you,
is there anything worth holding onto?

I've tried to be so strong
But I guess it's failing.
I've tried to hold on
But I can't see the light.
I'm scared I'm gonna lose you
So I can't say what I want too.
I don't want to break what we have...
I don't want to mess this up.

I've got this fear of failing you
Or not helping you enough.
You mean the world to me
And I can never give you up.
I've seen you cry
And held you tight
To let you know I'm there
And I promise you, I'm never going anywhere.

You are my best friend
You said we always fight together.
I have you and you have me
Never alone to defend ourselves.
The things you've told me
And no one else makes me feel worthwhile.
My dearest friend who means the world.
I hate to see you so hurt.

A promise is a promise
And for that I will never leave.
I love you company and hate to leave.
I'm just a call away when you need a friend.
This will get better for us
The words we say so much.
I'm here until the very end.

We've cried together
We've laughed together.
I've seen you so very low
I want to take this all away from you
And help you see your worth.
I can't help but think I've failed.
There is so much I want to say to you
But I'm just too scared.

I may smile on the outside
But it's all one big lie.
I'm dying inside
Tearing at my akin
Just so I can feel, even for a second.
You tell me I look fine
But little do you know
That I'm one step off the edge...
Teetering...
Waiting for a reason to stay.
You say I look happy
But I'm not.
I starve to feel worthy,
I cut to feel alive.
I think of suicide as a way of ending this pain.
I don't want to die
But I no longer want to hurt.
So what's that...
I look fine?
Little do you know behind my smile
Lies a thousand little secrets

Shattered glass
Broken promises.
Filthy lies cover you.
Scratches up and
Scratches down.
Painful fears behind painful tears.

Popular people
Put you down.
Laugh and  joke
Behind your back.
Scratches that cover.
Scratched that hide the pain away.

Your mask is your wall
You use it all day.
Hiding real tears
while fake smiles get I'm the way.
Black makeup running down your face
As the true emotions come spilling out.

I know that I sound crazy
But it's happened once before.
To all you girls and boys
Who never quite fit in.
But remember you a're different
And that's something you should cherish.

Be strong my dear and hold on.
It's never right to bleed.

Sometime it's better to be alone,
This is just one of those times.
So please understand I'm not shutting you out
I just want to be all by myself.
It's better and safer this way.
At least you won't get hurt.
Sometimes it's better to be alone,
This is just one of those times.

Tear me down till I am nothing more than a pile of broken dreams.
Beat me till my body is black and blue
Your vicious words tear into my skin like a ship caught in a storm
But this time there is no one to see the cries for help.

Haunt me, till I’m too afraid to face the day because my nightmares are becoming reality.
**** me, slowly tearing me limb from limb until I’m nothing you told me I was.
Cry yourself to sleep you stupid, pathetic girl,
No one cares, its all just lies when they say they do.

Cuts, cuts, cuts, litter the once clean skin of a messed up mind
You’ve proved to me time and time again I am worth nothing to you!
I’m just someone you claim to love, but I’m worthless
A worthless nothing, better off gone!

Sometime it's better to be alone,
This is just one of those times.
So please understand I'm not shutting you out
I just want to be all by myself.
It's better and safer this way.
At least you won't get hurt.
Sometimes it's better to be alone,
This is just one of those times.

Just like rain drops
my tears fall
watering seeds sown
from my past.
Before too long
they will flower
into wonderful opportunities,
stunning all those who see,
never knowing the damaged roots that lay underneath.
For you see the colourful bloom reached for the sun,
Illuminating the world in a sea of colour,
ready to take on life's next adventure.
Just like rain drops
my tears fell
watering seeds sown
ready to bloom into wonderment.

Looking in my tainted mirror
Disgusted by what I see.
The fat protruding through my shirt,
Covering every inch of my vile body.
Hating my reflection,
I must get rid of the fat I see.

Calories I can't stand,
Cut them down,
Cut them out.
Lose the weight and maybe then
I'll finally be happy in my skin.

Workout, build up a sweat.
Don't eat,
Don't feel.
Work the weight off so you can see
Bones sticking out, the glorious wish.

Looking in my tainted mirror
Disgusted by what I see.
The fat protruding through my shirt,
Cutting out and counting down
The evil that enters my mouth.
I must get rid of the fat I see!

There's a dark, empty feeling taking hold of me.
There is only so many times you can fake a smile.
Silent breakdowns in the dead of the night,
Just so no-one can see that I've become so weak.

I didn't think I would relapse this hard,
After a year or two I didn't want to fell back at the start,
But now I've become accustomed to starving myself
And hurting whatever part of me I can hide.

There's an unnerving tention inside of me
Feeling overwhelmed at almost everything around.
The only think that keeps me feeling alive
Is feeling the pain whilst watching everyone live a successful life...

I've become undone
I've lost myself
To a world of lies and hate
A world where no one cares.
I've become nothing
I've been left for dead
In a world where I've been cut down
An endless aching misery.

I've never been good enough
I'm afraid of breaking for good
I've never learnt to dream or believe
Because I know I'll never belong anywhere.
I cannot see where I'm meant to be
I've been left alone in a world so cold
And I can no longer live,
These nights have been too long.

I feel I cannot carry on
I'm not one of those lucky ones
I can't hold on to this life
When I'm not strong enough.
These violent dreams
Shake me awake and I die.
I wanted to become somebody
But all I am is a wilted brittle rose

Someone asked if I was okay,
but all I could muster was 'I'm fine'.
But the way they looked into my eyes
I know they could see that 'I'm fine' was all lies.

I quickly turned away, for them not to see my tears
and tried my best to place a smile across my weary face.
I tried with all my might to muster 'I'll get through this,
maybe not tonight, it's just taking me a little while'.

I know they saw that I was hurting,
and I knew the pain was becoming too much to take.
But this burden is mine to keep,
it is mine to bare alone.

They reached out to hold me closer,
as they placed their hand on mine.
They said they were there to help me in anyway they can,
but I have heard those lines to many times before.

Busy!
A frivolous concept meaning I don't have time for you.
But what happens when that time runs out?
You wake up alone
Wondering where all that time went.
Regret!
That is what "busy" means!

I see your smiling face,
The gleam always in your eyes.
I see no flaws with you
Everything is so perfect.
When its been one of those days
You always know exactly what to say
To make it all feel better.

You make me feel loved,
You make me feel beautiful,
You make me feel dance around the room Cinderella kind of magical...
You make me feel special,
Like no one else will ever do
What you do to me...

Sitting on the shower floor
feeling the water hit me,
pooling around my feet
like the tears from the night before.

Watching the droplets race to the bottom
knowing I hit there once again.
Drowning myself in a cocktail
of alcohol and pills to numb the pain.

Pain turning to nothingness
as I close my eyes to the night,
praying for the darkness to win this time
and subdue me into a never ending sleep.

When your tears fall each night,
You can't help but sit and cry.
You know you've messed up once again.
When you smile but it cracks
Yet nobody seems to see
The fact your wall is breaking down again.
You spent so long hiding
Your real smile has gone
Replaced by this fake faded smile.
Now I'm only one person
But that should be enough
To make you see I'm barely hanging on.
I'm tired of holding on
My strength is fading fast
I'm not sure how long I'll make it.
When your tears fall each night
You've forgotten how to smile
Your not even sure you've got a place to go.
Just know I'm not the only one
Who feels this way.
My strength has gone
I'm so close to the edge...

This sharpener blade
Pressed on my skin
Drawing blood as I breathe in.
The scars will not fade
And the scars will not lie
About the story of my life.
The sickening felling I get afterwards
I know that this is no good.
There I  one thing that vegetable
One thing that makes me think
And that is the heartbeat
Which tells me that I'm alive
I cannot escape the feelings
Of never being good enough
I cannot escape the feelings
Of wanting to let go of life.
I'm desperate but still I can't accept
This life is just too hard to handle
So many people think I am strong
But they can't see the tears that fall.
I'm not good enough for life
I'm not good enough to stay alive.
With this cold blade pressed to my skin
I can feel the blood oozing
This lets me know I'm alive
That's the last thing I want to be.

"FAT"
"UGLY"
"WORTHLESS"
"PATHETIC"
These words fall from their mouths
Like a thousand poisonous daggers
Piercing my mind and soul.

"WEAK"
"USELESS"
"WASTE OF SPACE"
"NOTHING"
So easily thrown at me
Like a million punches.
I'm stuck inside a war I'm so desperately trying to escape!

"LIFELESS"
"MESS UP"
"NEVER GOOD ENOUGH"
"NO ONE COULD EVER LOVE YOU"
Oh how I remember these words falling so freely from peoples mouths
But this was never anyone other then myself.
I realised too late, I was my own worst enemy...
Causing my own self-destruction.

I think too much
When the darkness comes.
My mind keeps racing
Thoughts are swirling.
Round and round inside my head
This all happens when the darkness comes.

I deserve all the pain,
The cutting, the bleeding.
I deserve all the hatred
The lies, the blaming.
I deserve every heartache
I deserve the bitter taste of loneliness.

"You're fat and ugly"
"You're a ***** and a slab"
"You're never good enough,
So go die in hell"
"Nobody cares about you're tears"
These voices are haunting.

When I'm in a dark place
I lose who I am.
It's a different girl completely
I'm done with all the pretending.
I'm a selfish ***** with no one
I deserve to suffer and die.

I take a final step
I hold my breath and count
I'm going to take the leap
It's finally the end.
My mind will be put at rest
And I can finally sleep.

Today is the 70th anniversary of D-day.

We will never forget all who fought for us,
We will always remember them.

Everyone who fought, died, were injured and those who survived will always be in our memories. They fought so we could live life the way we want to.

Although I don't know anyone who fought personally in the terrible battle in June on the Normandy beaches, I am still thankful and grateful for all those men who lost their lives and fought for us... we will remember them and never forget what they did and what they gave up for us.

Today is the 70th anniversary of D-day.

We will never forget those who fought for us to live the life that we have now.

We will remember them.

Dear me,
This is a letter I never thought I'd write.
Things have changed not for the best
and you don't know where to turn.
I know it's hard and you're struggling to hold on,
with a blade in one hand and drink to numb the pain,
but there is a light at the end,
just hold on till then.

Dear me,
I know you cannot see the light,
and if it helps, cry yourself to sleep another night.
But don't give up just yet,
there must be something worth the fight,.
Don't give up just yet,
you're worth so much more then you'll ever know.
Just hold on a little more.

Dear me,
I know things are getting worse, or so it seems.
It's as if you can't find a light in these dark times.
I know you're scared, and feel like no-one can hear you screaming
but you're not alone, no matter what it says.
Dear me,
Things will start looking up one day,
It may not be very soon, but one day just wait and see
Promise me, that you will hang on till then.

Dear me,
This is something I never thought I'd have to write.
But tonight, I know it's one of the hardest you've had to face.
You may feel alone,
Just don't know where you have to turn
So scared to burden people who already have so much on.
Tonight will be hard, just make it through tonight!

Dear my cursed mind,
How I wish you would not torment so
When the darkness comes crawling
Unfurling its captivating shadows
Across the lonely, forgotten skies.

Dear my cursed mind,
May you please no longer hold me in your paralysing grip?
Let me go and succum to this state of fear.
Knowing that my thoughts and feelings are lost to a whirlpool of hypocrisy
Tormenting my very soul until it bleeds and screams out.

Dear my cursed mind,
May you please let me rest?
For you see I am so very weak and tired from fighting yoy
This never ending, passionate torment of heartbreak
Wreaks havoc across my days and nights.

Dear my cursed mind,
Please let me rest, even if it is just for a little while.
I have grown so weak
No longer able to stand your mockery!
I have destroyed everything you have asked me to,
Now I fear my own sanity is at steak.

Now that you’re gone and I’m here on my own
I never knew that you’d made this feel like home
What do I do now that you’ve gone?
I hope your happy there with your place in the stars
‘Cause now I’m down here all alone in the dark

Please, if I could turn back the hands of time
I would finally get to say my last goodbye
Then maybe you would know how I really felt
And I wouldn’t be left here wondering.
If you are out there…
If you can hear me tonight please know
I wasn’t ready to let you go!

I promise you I will stay strong
I know that you wouldn’t want us all to cry.
There are so many things we never got the chance to say
But if you can hear me tonight
Please know that I love you so!

Please, if I could turn back the hands of time
I would finally get to say my last goodbye
Then maybe you would know how I really felt
And I wouldn’t be left here wondering.
If you are out there…
If you can hear me tonight please know
I wasn’t ready to let you go!

Oh please, don’t let me walk through this alone!
I ask you to give me your hand to hold
I know you’ll guide us through the night
And I promise you, I’ll try to do you proud.

The birds keep singing outside my window
And I watch how they fly away.
One day I will ride upon their wings
Over mountains and the stormiest seas just to see you
Where we will never have to say goodbye again.

Oh, oh, ohhhhh
Please, if I could turn back the hands of time
I would finally get to say my last goodbye
Then maybe you would know how I really felt
And I wouldn’t be left here wondering.
If you are out there…
If you can hear me tonight, please know
I wasn’t ready to let you go.

I know life's supposed to be hard sometimes,
So why is it the pain won't subside?
I can't escape the ghosts of my past
When they all still linger round,
Trying to get better and fix myself
But I'm caught in a riptide,
A whirlpool of insanity.
Letting the tears spill tonight
I've kept locked away for some time...
Tonight I'm feeling defeated,
Going to let myself feel all the pain...
Try again when the morning comes.

Why can you never find the time for me anymore?
Always something you would rather do.
You tell me you love, tell me you care
But your actions speaking of a different truth.

So for one more night
I’ll let these tears fall because of you.
And for one more night,
I’ll tell you I’m tired and you’ll misjudge the meaning.
Make me feel unwanted so much of the time
Then you’ll turn around say you’re sorry but nothing will change.

Tell me, tell me now
Is this all worth it?
Tell me why you speak of a future
But can’t even give me today?
Ask me why these tears keep on falling.
It’s because I feel like you dont want me to stay;
But don’t have the nerve to say...

Goodbye!

Do you use me
When you only message me when you want something?

Do you use me
When you rant about your day but neglect to ask me mine?

Do you use me
When you get what you want and leave as quick as the seasons change?

Do you use me
When I only hear from you when it's convenient to you?

Do you use me
When you're always to busy to listen but quick to jump to others?

Do you use me
When I no longer feel like I mean anything, but you keep coming back as you please?

Do you know what it's like to long for a friend,
Long for them to see through all the lies,
To take one moment to be real with you
And say you can make it through the dark?

Do you know what it's like to feel completely alone,
Mouth sown shut so all that comes out is lies of I'm fine?
Too scared to speak the truth for fear of rejection,
Wondering lost till the day you give in...

Do you know what it's like to so desperately want to die?
Not so much die, but not live this life.
I fear that I am losing the battle of what's me and what's not -
Losing it to the voices and noises in me head!

Do you know what it's like to want to heal?
But no body will listen to your words,
They tell you, you're okay and you're functioning just fine.
Do you know what it's like to feel yourself giving up?

Right now my body feels out of sorts.
Unable to string together a few words
Of eloquent pros, and sophisticated rhymes
Expressing that deep down inside
I feel...
Broken?

My brain seems to be firing on overdrive
But I can't make my feet move.
Staying in one place because
I must fix you and I must make sure everyone else is okay first,
Then I can move on to me.

So for now I have myself on the back burner.
I have placed my dreams and plans in a box
And given them up until my family is all okay.

I will take their insults and snide remarks
Because they are struggling, right?
I will take the never being or doing enough
When I have given up my plans to stay and support them
No matter what I do they don't see it...

So for now my body feels out of sorts.
Surpressing emotions and thoughts I thought were long gone,
Unable to express myself through words once again.
Feeling lost to the words of never doing or being enough...

The soft sound of your beating heart
can soften even the biggest storms inside me.
The gentle sound of your voice
lulls me into a sense of hope and wonder
that maybe this world isn't always so bad.

The warm embrace of a friends arms
bringing back to a sense of reality
where I am not lost to the monsters inside my head,
but am someone much stronger,
able to defend the broken parts.

The serenity of peaceful silence,
where you are just there and nothing more
compliments my sullen tears,
building up a strength I never knew I had
Until I will no-longer fall prey to the demons of the past.

I keep fighting voices in my head that say I'm not enough,
Am I the sum of all my failures, every time I never felt enough?
Sitting all alone, once again with tears down my cheeks,
I know I'm losing this fight, it is so plain to see.
If you do not hear from me again it will be too soon.
I'm sorry but by morning light, I won't be here to worry you much more!

I can feel the darkness, beckoning me to jump,
Allowing it to envelop me in its cold winged, empty abyss.
A hollow, rigid weight pressing down upon my chest,
getting heavier and heavier, pushing me deeper to despair
until it crushes my lungs, allowing for no air to be gained.

I can feel the terror enticing me to play a game of Russian roulette.
Any minute now may be my last.
An empty coffin, surrounded by mourning faces of those that once turned their backs,
pleading that I had just spoken, but when I did they ran away,
telling me that the burden I have always carried, was mine to bare alone.

I can hear the last beckoning words of my once happy dreams,
'just hold on, it won't be this dark forever';
but then I remember that it is not the dark that I am afraid of, and maybe that is the problem.
I am afraid of the emptiness that unfurls before me,
leaving me alone to battel these faceless monsters that are too powerful to ever be beaten.

I can feel the cold, darkness enticing me to lie down and give in,
enveloping me in my last shred of sanity
before the darkness takes me up in it's hollowed out pity,
laughing in my face about the weak, feeble character I have become.
Broken and bruised by a world that could not see the damage it had caused a child;
offering only cold shoulders of the night to lay my head upon.

Like a bird who has forgotten how to sing.
I too have forgotten my own melody.
Entrapped in a cage,
Imprisoned by my own insanity
Of starving, bleeding, crippling thoughts.

Numb to any touch.
Possesed by the cold like a corpse.
The epitome of nothingness,
Laying baron to this monstrous world
Realising you have no one to stay!

Like all the lost things
I too am lost, unable to be found.
Deserted by everyone
Left to fend off the demons alone once again
Not knowing if I will make it out of this one alive...

Like an old house that stands alone and forgotten,
I to feel like abandonment is all I will know.
Like the waves that crash upon the sand at all hours,
I to feel a little broken and beaten down.
You see I always believed that on cloudy days,
The sun can seep through but not anymore

Like a child running scared from the monsters,
All my darkest fears are coming true.
Like an outcast at the freak show,
I’m mocked and forced to act like it’s okay.

Like the mountains that have been worn to crumbing stone work,
I too feel like I have been worn down.
Like the dead man made path upon the forest floor,
I too have been walked over till I feel nothing at al.

I’m sure you never mean the things you do
Or at least you claim to know how much it hurts.
Yet you never make attempts to amend it,
You just expect me to allow this bad treatment all the same

Mum, please, I need you to listen.
I'm not trying to make something out of nothing,
I'm just fighting with my mind and I feel lonely.
Mum, please, I do not mean to be a burden
But I'm locked inside my own thoughts
And I can no longer escape,
For you see my depression is controlling me.
Some days it is like a tiny fly
The next it swallows me into its icy shadow.
These days mum are the days I long to die.
You say it's selfish and cowardly to want to die
But please, it's not so much that I want to die,
It's just I don't want to live.
Mum, these days I am held prisoner inside my own bed.
You say I'm just being typically lazy
But I'm not trying to be.
I'm just afraid that if I get up I will drown within everything I long to forget.
Mum, please... Just listen to me.
You say I should get out more, see my friends
So I try like I know I should want to
But I wish for them to cancel these plans
For my anxiety torments my mind
And claws at my chest.
You ask where anxiety... another problem came from?
Yes mum, anxiety teaming up with depression
Increasing my many fears that haunt manipulate my life.
They come along as if to a party
Mum I am that party
Only this a party I do not want to attend.
At the end of the day I am tired of fighting with myself
And once more depression beckons me to my bed
Cradling my spent body until I once again feel numb.
Mum, please this is not to do with you.
You ask me why I'm too busy to stop and enjoy life
But I am never truly busy
I just mean I'm trying to keep distracted
Because I am lonely and feel isolated.
You say you cannot see where this has came from
Well, mum, neither do I!
You always say be more mire positive
Oh how I have tried but am always reminded of things I want to forget.
You've said light a candle to eliminate the dark
But I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of living!
Maybe this is part of the problem.
Mum, please I'm begging you to listen
I'm so scared that I cannot find my way back out.
You say you don't know what else to do.
Neither do I.
I'm lost and I cannot come back.
Mum, please, I just want you to be there when I need you!