words have so much power
you can bring someone up just as fast as you tear them down
you can create passion with a pen
go back and forth with your words
over and over again
without even seeing the face you see into the mind
soul searching becomes easy
he's already found mine
the disadvantage of knowing a poet
you cannot successfully hide
you cannot play games and disguise what you feel
because poets of all people know that it's real
emotions and feelings not felt once before
should i open a window or unlock the door?

You read my poetry in an attempt to understand me
versus an attempt to read literature
or fiction
or art
So you pick apart each sentence
and each syllable
and each subject
and you try so hard to figure me out
You want to know what I was thinking when I wrote this poem
or that poem
but what that tells me is perhaps you aren't even reading them at all
Although what poets express comes from the debths of our creative closets and emotional state
you must still open up your mind and soak up the words for what they are
Not for who I am

because
The words; they just keep coming
You feel the heat rise
From the pit of your insides
and you can't ignore it
in fact you adore it
The buildup of emotion
The release of commotion
It feels so good you scream
It doesn't matter who hears it
you know what it means

Father God I come to you
So that I may be healed
Or at least to **** the pain
It's becoming hard to deal
Every day I think
Of what it might be like
To take control of fate
And take my own life
Father God I know it's not right
And this is why I have come to You
You are the Truth the Way and the Life
There isn't anything You can't do
So Heavenly Father this is all I ask
That I am given strength to endure
For I know what is to come
And I know there is no cure
What frightens me is not the end
But the path I take to see it
I'm not afraid to die
and if it's coming then so be it
But I dont want to go by my
Very own hand
Because the world will never understand and i'll never be forgiven
And I'll be wandering about in spirit
Just as I do on land

This physical world seems to be one big test and Lord, I need Your help
I don't feel as strong as the rest and I just can't do this by myself

Won't you hear my cry Lord?
Won't you hear my my prayer?
The Bible tells me walk by faith, not by sight
but just show me that You're there

And God, this is my prayer

the delicacy in the pedal of a rose
could not do any justice
to describe the state of my heart
nervous and fragile here I stand
open wide for your eyes to see
won't you promise to take such care
of the center part of me?

All my life
All my life
All I have ever wanted
was to make you proud of me
All my life I have fought so hard
so hard
to get you to be proud
and here I sit in tears
because instead of telling me how much I've done
I only hear about how much I've ****** up over the years
But you don't see my pain
you only see someone lazy
and unmotivated
loving the wrong man
losing more than I gain
not finding my way
and all the while you sheltered me so I couldn't grow
I'm now a late bloomer
lost in this ****** economy
waiting for a break
waiting for my show
I move at a snail's pace
but I've busted my ***, you know

The things you say to get under my skin
they don't just hurt inside
they hurt my confidence
they hurt my being
they damage my pride
And if this is just a trickling down of your own misery
and though you say you
only want what's best for me
I can honestly see now why I hide

So instead of breaking me down
how about you bring me up?
How about you give me a congrats
a nice pat on the back
not drive me into the ground

Because every ******* thing I have ever done in my **** of a life
I have done to make you proud

you left your imprint
on mother earth herself
in our hearts you left your voice
you gifted us with melodies
of most valuable wealth
charismatic grace across the stage
you never did it for fame
originality legendary perfection
spiritual soulful being of peace
from the very first note we heard
music hasn't been the same since
others may have had their King
but we had our Prince
humbled at the idea
success doesn't mean it's over
and openly giving your life to Jehovah
doing good deeds behind the scenes
you were careful and serene
artist first, entertainer came next
you never disappointed the world
until the day you left

and here we all join hands and reminisce
oh the years you got us through
joy, love, hurt, progression
defeating the evils of the industry
giving us hope in oppression
and as we watch the doves cry
we wipe our tears too
how much you're adored
if you only knew
the thunder rolls and we feel the first drops begin to fall
it doesn't erase the emptiness one bit
but it brings us to a crawl
you never meant to cause us any sorrow
you never meant to cause us any pain
so we will be here
bathing in the Purple Rain.

We love you forever Prince Rogers Nelson.

i looked back
and saw every word
you have spoken to me

written
to
someone
else

not telling
any lies
it's a ****** up world
anyway

and the wall goes
right back up

wrapping my heart
back in suit and armour

no entry
no longer allowed.

you run through my mind like water
cleansing any good left in this world
showers of emotions that cannot be restrained
down upon my heart do they rain
and in seeking shelter from the storm
i find myself in the trap you've created
left with no option but to strip myself down and now my soul is naked
though i stopped answering your calls
i remember how good you felt inside me
soon i am prisonor at war that's been taken
(and you always seem to find me)

what say you? you crazy man of a fool
i've sent you packing straight to hell
(though i've been there a few times too)
it's when the chill in the air becomes too cool
that i feel the need to be abused by you
and the pain in the pleasure is worth the ravishing beating
we say it's love, but what's the true meaning?
when two souls are colliding because they've come out of hiding just to give way to waters receding

you say i'm your revolution
that i am the sun to your earth
i say some lies are worth believing
(yet they always seem to work)
a round of applause to the love
that always makes it hurt
a standing ovation to the taste of your kiss
that always makes it worse
because you will always leave
and i will always turn away
but you will always be back
and i will always vow to stay

what's the meaning any way?
an addict never tells the truth they say
shoot me with your broken promises any day; right in the veins
the high is a euphoria i can't explain
we've everything to lose
we've nothing to gain
i am addicted to your madness
you are addicted to my pain

rebels in a world that isn't ours
we set the standards; there are no bars
there is no sun to set; there are no stars
there is just us

whoever we are

my pain is invisible to you
as i sleep the day away
the ache never subsides
the fear never fades
and the clock ticks
there goes another day

another tear
another night of crying
through the pain
alone in suffering
in an agonizing way
and the world just keeps turning
as i yearn to watch it spin

the end of the rope is tied
yet my faith is not secure
it's the fear that keeps hope dead
it's the past; the memories
that fill me with dread
it's all i have endured

be still in the shadows
i try to coat my doubts
fear in light exposes weakness
and to you i'm a nuisance
a burden
you blow the candles out

i try with every drop of blood
to keep this soul in circulation
don't let it win
i say
clench your fists
grind your teeth
grasp the demon in his realm
don't accept his invitation

but there's the dread
but there's the pain
but there's the inability to cope
you see this thing
it has you by the throat
ready to slash and slice and take your
LIFE!

and so i crumble
not from being weak
but from remaining too strong
from carrying the weight of oceans and rivers and valleys and mountains and plains travelled
far too long

oh the hurt it subsides at times
though it is never absent
i ask God to heal
what the world says can't be
and so i take what lemons they hand me
in hopes that someone keeps their word
promising a happy ending
a cure

in the time being as i lay here
in the dark thinking about tomorrow
and where i might go
all i ask is for your grasp

please don't let me walk alone

a thousand knives
to slash the throat of the beast
who used my innocence as prey

behold his head upon the rock
mounted just above my fire place
his debt was much repaid

it's 6 in the morning and i'm listening to the blues
the soul in the sax plays a tune to mimic the rhythm of my feelings
a crescendo of colorful sound to express my inability to decide whether to take the road that's right or left
which ever road leads me back to you

you see it's like a magnetism--our love
no matter if the fire burns down the walls around us
or the flood of our tears washes us down the hillside
nothing separates us for more than a moment
and here we stand back at the crossroads
again

so i'm going to take this midnight train to Georgia
for the love of you
because when a man loves a woman
there ain't no mountain high enough
to keep them apart
lean on me, and i'll see you through
hold me, so you can help me stand too
we can be whoever we're to be
it's no one else's business
we can be free--just the two of us

in my heart, my baby love
some day, we'll be together

again.

my heart bleeds wide open
I've laid down my life
right on the line
all in black and white
on dotted lines
just for you
can't you see how I've been slain?
hindered to be permanently scarred
and never to be normal again
I found peace in the passion of the pen
and its where my sanity had gathered
it's where my soul remained
to hide from hidden demons
to hide from painful truths
which grew from the seed of my youth
take my hand and
you'll see for yourself
I'm naked at the roots

you are leaving us now
God is calling you Home
and as we wait selfishly and angrily
unknowingly saying
...refusing to say goodbye to you
we hold back our tears
we can't let you see us cry
because deep down we know
you want to stay here too
the fight you have given
over the course of time
has inspired the heart of the world
and has reconstructed mine
watching you go through hell
and keeping your mind
staying with a smile
even as you decline
and with every treatment
and with every transfusion
you proved to us over and over again
the power of God isn't just
an illusion
for you have beat the odds
time and time again
you have kicked the crap out of the devil
right til the very end
I cannot say goodbye
because that's a message
I cannot send
For in these last few years
you have become far more than a patient
you have become a friend
I will remember your laugh
and how you joked through all the pain
I will remember how much you hated
using that blasted walker and cane

The memories are worth a visit
and soon it will be the only way to find you
but just know,
even if we cannot be there in physicality
in spirit we are always right beside you

i am a sinner
my sin keeps me awake in the night

walking with the devil isn't easy
with God by your side
my heart inspired by the love
my mind corrupted by evil

no wonder i never sleep right

hugging tight my broken pillow
i forgot to say my prayers to mend
hope God awakes me in the morn
just so i can sin again

never born a perfect
never lived a saint
i'm in love with second chances;
sometimes third helpings on my plate

today He has already sealed my fate
i just don't know the date

i can only hope He continues to forgive
as i continue to live
self destruction never wins
it's always too late

i was made a true believer, but i've
fallen victim to the biggest deceiver
and while i know the liar won't offer me a thing
i swim in pools of blood from the ring

save me oh Lord,
is there an angel you can send?
no doubt You are my Father,
but you see the devil is my friend

there it is
i've gone and sinned again

forgive me Hail Mary Hail Mary Hail Mary
it isn't as easy as it is written
you eat it, you breathe it, you reap it
you sow, sow, sow
the guilt; you keep it
forever and ever
in a church we sin together
and point a finger or two
because that's easier than accepting what is truly wrong with me and you

there are priests who touch little boys
there are ****** killers as well
and today i told a lie to God
so together we all go to hell

Lord, save me and help me mend
help me sleep, help me wake
walk with me as i sin again

sometimes you just can't stop crying
and you don't know why
but you know the river runs deep
hence the tears never seem to dry
you wait for a break in the clouds
and you pray to see the sun
even beneath the dying rainbow
your work is never done

all you know is the river runs deep
and you pray to see the sun

I love you
We're bonded
We're sisters
the end.

*******
Liar
you are
no friend.

Adults who act like children
pass that right down to the kids
So every ****** up thing you said
and every argument you had
they will remember that ****
And for every man you had in your room
or every woman you just had to swoon
Them little ones watching knew the business
you don't need to see with your eyes to bare witness so you should know them children are no fools

And then what's going to happen when all is said and done?
Them babies will grow into adults
Adults that only know the values you taught them
And the time they walked in on you snorting coke or ******* the neighbor
you know that's something not ever forgotten
So you'll sit and be mad at how your kids turnt out; a dead beat dad and a mom with twisted priorities
You can't get them out your house so you live like you're packed poor minorities

And yet all that wasted opportunity
and all that wasted life
all that wasted money and wasted time severed by the knife
That same knife you felt in your heart you passed right on
with no excuse to keep it moving you kept it moving right along
and now you sit in your self pit wondering what the hell went wrong
why the nights are so long
Everyone is so ****** up and far gone
and lost

Lost

Everyone is so lost
Looking at the new generation and that is sadly the cost
Knowing **** well you're too ignorant to teach them any different because you're too stubborn to take the blame yourself
I guess some folks are just too far gone to help

sometimes i think about killing myself
sometimes i think about free falling
stepping off into the unknown
forever a sketch in your memory
forever a pain in your heart

sometimes i think the world is better off
sometimes i feel i don't have **** to offer
crawling on bloodied knees
leaving a trail of hurt behind
leaving a signature of my failed attempts

sometimes i think you don't get it
sometimes i think you want me gone too
standing in sinking sand of doubt
crying out to an empty upper space
crying out to no one there to listen

sometimes i dream that i am better
sometimes i feel there's something more
clutching my chest in agony
clinging to hope
clinging to life

holding on is harder
sometimes.

awake i lay
oh how life has changed
and the dark remains still
the air remains cold
here i am thinking
what does life behold

and as the devil comes for me
the Lord is at my side
a never ending battle of
lies and pain and truth
and i can never make a decision

I pray one day i'm forgiven

in a world where we pray to be united
within the grasp of wholehearted humanity
standing tall
we sink in the dirt beneath our feet
and holding our heads up high we sing with the utmost pride
a song of which becomes a chanting notion
setting the tone for revenging entities
growing weary of the unwanted waste we toss our visions in the sea
without daring to take the promising chance

how are we to stand together
in a castle built to crumble in its past?

and yet we become the fools
lost in the fight and lost in our grieving
we walk the streets with our banners and our anger
without understanding what we are feeling

let me take you back to nineteen sixty three
when we marched on Washington
and we were lead by a King
what merely started as the seed of a dream
became the prelude to never ending history
yet with each milestone comes adversaries
and we still cry the tears of our fallen fathers
we still cry to be free

but remember my brothers and sisters
to be mindful in your actions
for blood does not wash blood away
and because the tongue can be a sword
be mindful of every single word you say
the whole world is unjust
be emotional if you must
but the time is now to be reflective
to be knowledgeable
to be respected
because the hearts of our sons and daughters
still need to be protected

the sun my still set orange
and they moon may still shine white
the day may still end at quarter to
the moment everything is night
and in each passing day are you going to become the change that is needed to win the fight?

are you going to do what's right?

you'll be proud to know I finally got my makeup on today
and I made my eyes as black as the night's sorrow
I said to myself, I'm in mourning
or something like that
I was already out the door and couldn't take it back so maybe I'll try a different color tomorrow
did you see how high the sun was today?
it seemed like it never set
that the light just faded into night
well maybe you did see it
after all, you are apart of the stars now
I wonder where you are now
and if you've seen Heaven yet
Is it as pretty as they say?

nails on your back
my head to the wall
i've written a happy ending after all
wishful thinking
becomes a thing of past
i am nothing without you
a toast with broken glass

turn the page if you will
here i'll be, standing still
whatever we erase
is always replaced
by something better
something real

i give you my life
i ask you to keep it
i gave you my heart
i'll admit it has weakened
but that's due to the fact
my love for you has deepened

hold me forever and beyond
i don't care who we hurt
i'll watch the world shatter to hell
before i let you bleed first
romance isn't it
it's a life; a chaos of our own
light the candle to our goblet of dreams
sit next to me on our throne
being apart i just can't condone

if not with you,
i'd rather die alone

you're the perfect novel;
a story on your own and then
i could write pages and pages about your smile
your voice in itself is the greatest poem;
your mind is the pen

not a fairytale, because those are fake
you are here in the now;
your skin i can taste

wrap me in your forever
your world is my home

for if not with you,
i'd much rather die alone.

what happened?

i've held them in
and now they fall
it's a bittersweet taste after all

you love me forever
i love you the same

and it's for that very reason
we had to walk away

today.

Like a the thief in the night stealing my strength to say no
and enhancing my ability to say yes
I cannot resist
And in the end I'm caught in a pool of regret
swimming in a sea of what shouldn't be
feeling euphoric bliss
To continue on into the moment as if rules hadn't been broken
I walk in silence wearing the crown of shame, looking to place the blame
Because I gave in to the simplistic demons that I could not resist

If at any time you see me smiling
Know deep down inside I'm crying
I'm good at acting
Don't you see?
This is all a game to me

inhaling smoke from fire and
it feels good
and it pleasantly washes down a shot of imported gold
but i can still breathe, and
the burn in my gut tells me i haven't yet had enough

so, i reach for one more

and i reach for one more
and i reach for one more
and i reach for one more

soon the page is blurry
and the vision is clear;
making no less than total sense

it begins at birth;
you cannot escape the hurt

just as energy is never destroyed
it is merely transferred

pain[.]

To walk among the living
cursed to be the dead
I understand the fear inside
because I bathe in dread
and to sleep a peaceful night
with fate dancing on my head
leaves a taste of rotting premonitions
upon my tongue instead

*Beware of your surroundings
wash the evil off your hands
We are no longer safe from Satan
he has kissed the promised land
And when war ceased to erase
the common fault of man
There will be an entire wave of famine
birthed from the smallest grain of sand

dancing to a broken record
of solitary tunes
the hand i held is but a mist of rain
gone far too soon

light a candle in the wind
of visions locked away
as we waltz among the memory
forever our song shall play