Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
6d · 19
Wilted
Do you feel it?
The disease eating away at your heart?
It slumps in decay and filth,
black with rot and throbbing to the beat of the maggots.
It never starts this way, though.
It grows from the innocence of childhood
into the monster that is truth.

Everyone is planted with a seed
doomed to sprout and overtake them.
It consumes our heart, the gateway to our soul,
and spreads its rot to others.
Eventually, we all end up wilted,
limp with the pain emanating
from every fiber of our beings.

Life is silly that way.
It's a puzzle in every aspect of the word.
You try to finish only to realize
you're missing a single piece.
And as you search for it upon the ground,
everything else begins to crumble.
If left alone, it will atrophy away
and vanish as if it never existed.

They asked why I wanted to commit suicide.
I twisted their words and asked them the same thing.
Is there any point in living?

They said I play a role in the world.
I wondered whether or not the universe was wrong
or if I was always meant to be in pain.

They said I had a family that loved me.
I asked if bruises and burns were signs of their love.

They said I had friends who depended on me.
I asked if friends steal your food and money.
Were friends supposed to put me down
and treat me like the trash I am?

They said I had something to live for.
I inquired as to what that could be.

They said they cared about me.
I called out their desperate attempt to stop me.
Did you care about me before you knew anything?
Are you just saying sweet things to get close to me
only to leave me behind like the rest?

They said everyone makes mistake.
I told them, the only mistake in my life
was existing in the first place.

I explained the paradigm I discovered.
Those who feel the most pain
have the darkest hearts.
Once it's all rotten and wilted,
the monster takes over and shows them the truth.
The only meaning in life
is death.

Everything is made only to die.
We serve no true purpose,
just existing to cease existing.
A never-ending cycle I wanted no part of.

They refuted my claim, but I could see
they were still searching for that lost puzzle piece.
Purpose.
They thought it had fallen when in reality,
it was never placed in the box.

They said I was mistaken.
They were right.
Living was a mistake.
Jan 28 · 29
How I Write
Growly Wolfus Jan 28
I dip my quill into the ink
staining my heart in darkness
and seeping into my soul,
pooling in the emptiness.

I decipher the code my emotions leave behind,
cryptic language few can read,
the words forever etched in my mind,
carving out space for themselves.

I write around the spots,
the paper dampened by my tears,
tossing page after page
of misunderstood emotions and pestering fears.

Drowning in the overflowing ink.
Writing nonsense to catch one last breath.
Unable to breathe, I slowly sink,
resting at the bottom with all of my failures.

The light fades from view, swallowed by darkness.
I used to write by its flickering flame.
I end the poem, the last words of it done
and finish it off with my name.

It carries me to the surface of the waves
and soaks up all of the ink.
I continue writing.  A forgotten slave
in this never-ending cycle.

This
                is how I write.
Jan 19 · 40
I Wish I Were a Tree
Growly Wolfus Jan 19
I wish I were a tree,
to be able to stand tall,
to be strong yet flexible,
and go with the flow of the wind.
To be rooted in the earth,
but reach for the sky
and hold it in my arms.

I wish I were a tree.
One to roll with the punches,
embrace the changes.
To be broken
and stand back up.
To heal my scars
and grow stronger from the pain.

I wish I were a tree
that could brave the storm.
To look it in the eye
and tell it I would survive.
Then take on its wrath
and wait for it to clear,
emerging victorious.

I wish I were a tree
that could gaze down from above.
Observing life
as a part of its majesty.
To give something back.
To have a purpose
and be worth something.

I wish I were a tree.
To make my mark in time.
To be a symbol of strength.
To inspire life in others.
Giving to them shade,
protection from above.

I wish I were a tree,
not a fragile human being
That gets hurt and cannot stand.
That will never reach the stars
and cry from fear of the thunder
of the impending storm.
Who will never have a purpose
or amount to anything.

A person like me
who gets trampled by change
and crushed by expectations
can only have a dream
they can never reach.
Who is broken
and remains that way.

A fickle entity
existing in a breath of time,
causing harm to those around me,
and counting my unhealed wounds.
Solving problems of the past.
Weak in the presence of power.
One to get lost in the storm
and never return.

How I wish I were a tree,
but I’m just a human being.
You don’t know how I felt
How you felt
How I felt
How we both felt the same
All the anger and pain
From your sick little game
You called love

You don’t know how I loved
How I yearned
How I craved
To be something I wasn’t
Someone who doesn’t
Get lost in the present
With you

You don’t get how I felt
How I was
How I am
You made me something else
Changing ourselves
Something I never wanted
To be

You don’t know how I hated
How I loved
How I hated
Your bittersweet words
That were more of a curse
Than a blessing for someone
Like me

You don’t know how I cried
How I sobbed in the night
How I lost all the light
All of it trapped inside of your hands

I cried from the pain
How my soul is forever stained
By the darkness you seeped into
My heart

These tears aren’t for you
They never will be
They are mine for only me and myself
For the hatred you left
Behind on that cliff
As the wind swept you farther away

I cry for myself
How I caused you to leave
How I made you feel how you did
How I didn’t understand
How I couldn’t understand
What you were always telling me

“I love you”

You saved me, then hurt me
Loved me, deserted me
Left me behind to rot
I loved you for how you were
You loved me for what you saw
And for what I only showed and wanted you
to see

You don’t know I felt
And now, you never shall
I don’t know how you felt all the same
It’s not fair how you left and now I have to
live without you

You ruined my life
Committed suicide
Destroyed my pride
Left me behind to die
alone in this world without you

You don’t know how I felt
How I hoped to tell
“I love you” to you someday

I’m the cause of your hate
You just couldn’t wait
long enough for me to say
Those three words

You don’t know how I felt
And these tears aren’t for you
They’re for me and all of my failures
Abandoned here in this world
I can’t be myself
ever again

You were the disease
I wanted to catch
The only cure for me
Have you ever been left behind?
Dec 2019 · 129
Outsider
Growly Wolfus Dec 2019
When you see someone you love slowly fade away,
a little part of you dies.
Watching their laughing eyes turn red
filled with tears and hatred towards themself.

You know you're an outsider to their pain
and feel you can't do anything to help.
Every time you try
they respond with "I'm fine"
and shut you out with a face hot with shame.

Hopeless and helpless
they lie to your face
whilst crying in your arms
before saying they're "ok"

depressed...

                                                     ...tired...
They think they're worthless
and cut themselves to release some of the anxiety
Their blood staining your clothes
as you watch from the sidelines

It doesn't hit you until...

                                            ...it's too late...

                                                                                   ...they're
                                                                                              gone...

So lend them a hand,
embrace them in your arms,
comfort their tears,
tell them you understand,
and tell them they're not "fine",
that it's ok to be sad,
                           and you'll always be there
                                             to keep up their smile.
You may be an outsider to their pain,
                    so break down the wall and let yourself in.
We all get sad sometimes.  But seeing others depressed makes me feel even worse, especially when I know I can do something.
Dec 2019 · 73
The Cold
Growly Wolfus Dec 2019
The death gods breathed upon the earth
Sending upon us the winter most despise
The cold devoured all of the life
of every living thing in their abode

It ate into the people and creatures of the land
freezing all in its expanding domain
The world hung in melancholy suspension
As the universe itself began to slow

Such fragile beings of finite existence
Enshrouded by tendrils of ice
and blanketed by the climbing frost
Unable to escape the prevailing cold

The frigid force conquered all in its wake
Taking everyone hostage in its glacial arms
and giving some to the death gods
whenever their fangs showed

But the lasting winter kingdom was doomed to fall
As it did every year before
And spring fell onto the earth
to melt away the ghastly cold

Gone and replaced by the warm sun
the cold was disdained and forgotten
Its true meaning lost in time
only known by the gods of old

The cold brought rebirth, a chance to restart
It takes life but gives back much more
a sense of belonging to those of this world
as life was given back through melting snow

It takes some, yes, but instills in others
a will, a desire for more than to survive
But still, it is hated by most of the world
Its reason of being forever unknown
Isn't winter just misunderstood?
Dec 2019 · 99
Stubbed Wings
Growly Wolfus Dec 2019
You sent me to the earthly world on a mission.
To save all those I possibly could.
To protect humanity from Lucifer's hands
and save all of those who are good.

I'm sorry to say, I have failed You.
I've given up on all hope.
The only thing that can save them
is the forgiveness you have shown.

At first, I had faith, and I saved many.
But over time, it grew hard to work.
And as soon as I'd save one,
ten others would end up getting hurt.
The demons running rampant on the earthly world below
have destroyed everything sacred and taken a new form.
Their disguise is flawless and fooled even my eyes.
They are now the humans who continue to harm.

I couldn't understand it,
all the evil in human hearts.
But I soon found out
it was the demons tearing them apart.
The humans let them in and slowly watched as they grew.
They are working with Satan against everything You do.
I was disgusted by my discovery and tried to finish your work.
I lied to myself.  But as I went on, I knew it to be true.

It was time to get my hands *****.
I began killing those who'd known.
And something in me grew.
It infected every bone.
I could feel a fire in me as it devoured my senses.
It made me feel invincible as I killed the greatest sinners.
I felt no remorse.  Besides, this is what You wanted.
And I became known as the Demon Killer.

I realized the work ahead of me
and returned to heaven.
But they wouldn't let me in
because I was too human.
Forgiveness, they told me, was Your most gracious love
You gave to the humans and those who needed it most.
They took away everything from me and sent me back to Earth,
While criticizing my actions and banishing me from my home.

They deemed me a fallen saint,
an angel with stubbed wings.
I'd descended into darkness
and they abandoned me in my suffering.
I grew angry with their decision and kept working the way I did.
Killing all the sinners and wrongdoers of this land.
You sent after me angels, the ones who were my friends.
But You made me become a demon, and they were slain by my hand.

Then, the darkness I was fighting crept into my soul
and ate from inside me the last of my righteousness.
I saw the light flicker away and disappear from my life.
But I knew my actions would be rewarded for my perseverance.
Madness overtook me and evil coursed through my blood.
Satan had taken me, an angel, and made me one of is kind.
I hated myself for what I had done, and what I continued to do.
But there was no other way to save them that I could find.

The pain dragged me down;
it plunged me into Hell.
And I became trapped
in my shrinking cell.
It didn't make sense.  Nothing did.  And nothing ever would.
This pain was too much for me; this evil burning through my flesh.
I searched desperately for an answer to the problems plaguing me,
but I found none.  Unless...

I had already found the answer.
The solution to my pain.
Though I saw it a different way
until I went insane.
Death was the answer.  I was right all along.
Other humans had come up with it before me.
I can't handle the weight of sin.  I doubt I ever could.
But this answer is the only way to be free.

The blood on my hands
stained the stairs I climbed.
Higher and higher
as my past was left behind.
And out here on the edge
overlooking this cruel, doomed existence,
I ask You a single question,
my last ounce of resistance.

The birds have abandoned their songs
and here I am testing fate.
I let go of this world
and of everything I hate.

My question...

Here I am, a human,
an angel with stubbed wings,
fighting with God
and Satan, the Demon King.
I know what I've done wrong
and I'm sorry about it all.
But I want to experience forgiveness
before jumping off this wall.

So...

Will you catch me if I cannot fly,
or will you watch me die?
Nov 2019 · 95
Love Story
Growly Wolfus Nov 2019
I wake up from my hellish nightmares
head throbbing
What had happened last night?
empty beer bottles stare at me
memories filter into my mind
black and grey and white
and...

Red.

Did I really do it?
Or was it a part of my dreams?
She's dead.
Isn't she?
It wasn't real.
It couldn't have been.

The kitchen is empty
I don't want to go back outside
Not yet.
The snow welcomes my departure
I'm surrounded by figures on this chilly day
their glitched faces blacked-out by my rage
and voices turned to static

Grabbing some food and a case of beer
passing through the crackling storm
She was the only face I could see
we were together for such a long time
I...I loved her.
Why did she have to leave!?

Running amidst the crowded street
winter winds howling in my ears
Her voice...the only one I could hear
Is she alright?
I have to check
I push against the flurry
my eyes welled with tears

I ring the doorbell numerous times
and toss all of my food in the blizzard snow
banging on the door
until it creaks open
the frame slightly broken
the glass of the second lying shattered on the floor

"I'm sorry," I stammer aloud
"I didn't mean to break it."
Eerie silence causes my head to ache
Some furniture was moved or tipped over
I fix it for her.  Perhaps she's asleep.
But why, at this time, is she not awake?

"Sorry to bother-" I start again
then it hits me like a bus
The memories come in like a flood
I open the door to her bedroom
her cold eyes stare back at me
my hands drip with her blood

The world becomes black and grey and white
and...

Red.
What do you make this world to be?  Everyone perceives it differently.  But I suppose the world is more colorful to me.  At least, the basic colors, you see.
Nov 2019 · 100
Breathless
Growly Wolfus Nov 2019
Every breath                 you take,
you steal from me.  Every look you give
keeps me guessing.  Every sound you make
causes my heart to beat.  Every kiss we
share is a divine gift.  Every moment
with you is a blessing.  Every time
you touch me, you put me
under your spell.
Breathless.
Silence.
Love.
Oct 2019 · 126
Naked
Growly Wolfus Oct 2019
Comforted only by myself; warm in my arms.
Trying to escape this world of evil and torture.
Struck in the gut by a sharp feeling yet continuing to run.
Embarrassed and ashamed to be seen in this body
by the cold and sharp eyes of others.
Naked.

Scared of what they think of me, then running into hiding.
Led by the forest's guiding hands, a place opens before me
enshrouded in branches and concealed from the rest of the world.
I kneel and lie on the dew-covered grass, grasping the blades in between my fingers, sobbing.  Trying to mask something ancient.
Original Sin.

Stolen from my family and left alone to rot underground.
Hope shone like a beacon in my innocent eyes.
Defiled and beaten in that stone tomb, my screams unheard.
Taken to an unjust trial.  Displayed openly on the stand.
Declared a beast among men; a witch.  Someone they imagined.
Lies.

Guilty, though never presumed innocent, they sentenced me to death.
An uproar of excitement bursting from the bloodthirsty crowd.
Order was thrown into madness.  I escaped my bonds and dashed away.
Guards screaming.  Skin scratched in the turmoil.
I fled from the chaos they assumed I caused.
Hunted.

Why must the world judge so harshly?  People are filled with hate.
Jealousy and insecurities set off their emotions.
But why must there always be someone to blame?  And why me?
Was I not like any of them?  I was their friend, we cared for each other.
Though, now their eyes are daggers, cutting me into pieces.
Scarred.

Stripped of my clothes and dignity.  Banished from my home.
Them, to me, my only brethren; the only people I had ever known.
I, to them, an image of depravity; one they created.
A portrait of themselves reflected by my existence they hated.
Consumed with the desire to ****, they search desperately.
Fear.

Corrupting my self-image.  Condemning my self-esteem.
Crushing my conscience.  Doubt pierces my thoughts.
They sent my soul to the gallows and my heart to be burned at the stake.
I try to soothe the pain myself but all I've done is make it worse.
My mind weakened, my skin bruised, and feet tired of running.
******.

My tears water the plants around me.  Pain throbs in my head.
Blood pooling around my hand from the wound I received in the chase.
The stars and moon are the only ones to look upon me as I once was seen.
I let exhaustion overtake me.  The warmth of my skin seeps into the ground.  Embraced by the night.
Naked.
Oct 2019 · 357
Doll
Growly Wolfus Oct 2019
Left on the side of the curb, I watch as glamoured figures march up the steps
I, myself, dressed in an attired elaborate gown to complement my necklace and stark red lips
and eyes
tired from crying
cracked

Leaving the dance, a tall man in a tailored grey suit and tie,
unaware or avoiding me, passes me by
The rain drizzles, waltzing on the pavement and my face
A shadow covers me as the rain stops
Applauding the rain, the thunder claps

Bending down and lifting me, you carry me to your fancy car
and lay me, exhausted, across the seat, covering me with that large coat of yours
Awaking in an unfamiliar room
but strangely unafraid knowing you had brought me here
entirely calm with the knowledge you are near

Walking in with your beautiful charm
I sob heavily as you hug me in your arms
I fall into your warm shirt, crying into your shoulder
You run your fingers through my hair
whispering candied words into my ear

Passions overtake me as I grab your head for a kiss
You roll with me under the covers, a divine bliss
To others, I'm just another pretty face
another porcelain doll to smash on the ground
or tossed away and never found

Boys and men like dolls too.
But I'm not a doll when I'm with you
not another pretty face in the crowd
I am yours, with all my heart, soul and body
My love for you shall never cease

Somehow, I fell in love with a single kiss, your gentle hands caressing my chest
I pull you closer to me, fully obsessed
enthralled by your intense gaze, lustful like others
I stare into them with wonder

Different than the normal man, you captured me with your first glance
that fateful night not long ago by the steps of the dance
this is what love is, inescapable, overwhelming
I need you in my life forever; if only time would stop for us
To stay in your comforting embrace, the only one I trust

I'll be a doll any other time, just not now at this moment
and never with you near my vision's extent
My cracks have healed, my eyes are no longer red
I'll just lie here in your bed
brimmed with joyous love
Isn't love captivating?
Oct 2019 · 100
Imagining Sadness
Growly Wolfus Oct 2019
The darkness, an embodiment of my world, stretches are far as my heart's eye can see.  The sadness weighs on me like the depth of the ocean, the cold waters washing over me in waves.  And out there is nothing but the emptiness of my soul poured out onto the sky as stars.  The evil of the world paints its own constellations, devouring the other lights.  A lonely moon, almost as lonesome as myself, gazes at me with pity like all the others.
I had asked for an escape from the world of pain, of anger, of hatred.  The people would laugh at me, call me naive for wishing only happiness.  I had raised their heads when they were low, lifted their spirits when they were down; and now, they don't help, just stare at my discomfort.  Their judging eyes uncover the truth, the horrible truth reminding themselves of their sins.  They see me and turn away, like looking into a cursed mirror.
The cold wraps me like a blanket in the winter, though it is more a veil of thorns.  Creatures from the darkest corners of my mind, shadows in the shapes of the constellations, reach out to me from the gloomy water, the only ones to offer a hand.  I turn away from them in frustration.  Why hadn't anyone else come?  The light of the moon dances upon the waves as they greet me on the white beach shore.  The weight of my sadness disperses upon the island.  The trees and plants dissolve to ash and fly away on the once hibernating wind.  It lashes at me madly, furious by its awake from eternal slumber.
The island beneath my feet grows smaller; nothing but a patch of sand where I lie is left.  The sand, particles of my depression sticking to my blue skin grow darker, consuming my flesh, degrading my bones, eating me from the inside out.  The creatures cry out with silent voices.  I stare at the constellations.  Nothing good could come of the world I'm living in.  There is no warmth in this infinite night.  I lend a veiny hand to the monster next to me, and, like a swarm, the creatures **** me into the black ocean.
Forgotten, abandoned, I sink into the depths, the weight finally lifted from my shoulders.  Looking up at the world I will never return to, a light shines upon me, a single flittering ray through the dark water, disappearing as I slowly fall deeper.  Struck with emotion never felt before, the thorns of the cold feel less painful and a shudder runs through my bones.
My body feels light, no longer cold but not yet warm.  The light has gone, the darkness now carrying my frail body to the dwelling place of the creatures of the night.  Calmly, I watch the last of my breath's bubbles float towards the surface of the water as I fall neatly into a resting place.  My arms and legs settle into the soft sand as I slip into an endless sleep.
What is it called?  I had heard of it before.  The foreign feeling fills me and soothes my heart and soul.  Death closes my glazed eyes for me.
Ah.  I remember.  Peace.
More of a short story than a poem but it's my interpretation of sadness. What do you imagine it to be?
Oct 2019 · 102
Gambling
Growly Wolfus Oct 2019
A world of wonder and possibility
illuminated by the light of uncertainty.
The adrenaline rush of taking a chance
only to lose it all by the cards in your hands.
It's a dangerous game to play if you choose;
to roll the dice, to win or lose.

Place everything on the table.
The higher the stakes, the more exciting it gets.
Your mental health entirely unstable
until the others call their bets.

The roll of the die, the shuffle of cards capturing your attention.
Debt fluctuating by a single move; silence strangled by tension.
Fancy beverages surround everyone
enlightening the experience more every time you finish one.
A simple game based entirely on luck,
and when you are losing, you don't give a ****.

But it only takes a little for your luck to run fully dry
and for you to lose everything in a silly game.
With no money left for the chips you need to buy,
nothing will ever be the same.
Sep 2019 · 175
Hourglass
Growly Wolfus Sep 2019
To cry without hurting would be a blessing
To be heard without making a sound
Struggling to find the strength to stand
only to fall onto my knees
Lying prostrate on the ground
weeping silently

People look at me like how they gaze through a window
to see past the glass, forgetting it's there
I want them to acknowledge my existence
to see who I am, to know I am here
Shadows, faceless forms peer in with empty stares
looking in like the others before they disappear

I watch solemnly as life flies by
here for only a moment
The color of life dull in my eyes
Black and grey and white
The color drained from the environment
emotionless in my sight

A single light shines in from above
a white, flickering flame, so menial
A symbol of hope in this cage
I reach out to grab it
The fire looms above, somber, ethereal
a pure and holy spirit

Grains of sand fall through my fingers
time slipping away
I'm trapped in an hourglass constantly flipping
suffocating in secret
Hidden beneath the things others say
suffering from the torment

Tears turning to blood and blood to pitch bile
a frame holding broken glass
Drowning in the dust of ages
forsaken and alone
The cracks grow larger as shadows pass,
a black hole where a star once shone

I sit, frozen in time, forgotten but still here
darkness enshrouding me
Sinking into the ground, the glass finally shattered
Time slows to a halt
I scream, sobbing helplessly
everything is my fault

I draw the attention of glowing eyes
sand pouring out from the cavity
The hourglass runs empty, time continues onward
sand falling into nothingness
The shadows move along, ignoring me,
lost in the abyss

The crimson blood, the only color I see
staining the fire above me
Forever out of reach, the light dissipates
gone from this world of darkness
Absent from the world of grey, never to be seen
hope swallowed by sadness

Trying to stand a second time
inevitably falling
sobbing loudly in the dark
no sound coming out
Death has come to my calling
the only one to hear my shout

Time has run out for me
this living hell closing to an end
No longer trapped in the hourglass
Death has set me free
With no sand left to spend,
I'm finally released
Sep 2019 · 104
Toxic Love
Growly Wolfus Sep 2019
"Hurt you, cut you, shoot you."  Still, you
can never seem to understand why.
"Burn you, hit you, curse you."  If you
do nothing you'll surely die.
You are sad and I am mad that you listen to the devil's kind.
These voices all fill your mind causing you to slowly go blind.

"Scare you, maim you, hate you, hang you, strangle you
until you choke."
"Ignore you, gore you, **** you before you
believe this all to be a big joke."
Hunt you, catch you, stop you, tell you
"You'll get through all this someday."
"Love you."  Laughs you, free you. thought you,
"Everything is now okay."
Happy you but angry I.  It felt as if you spat in my face.
I will **** you.  You must die for rejecting me in this way.
Ran from me, but now you see I only wanted some of your love.
Lie to be brave and think you're safe.  I'm the one you're running from.

Find you, rope you, **** you, ***** you.
Make sure you never forget.
Scar you, beat you, stab you, bleed you
out.  You're no longer a threat.
Run you out and cut you down.
Hide you where you won't be found.
Tell everyone you had drowned.
Screams heard not over the sound
of the rushing water.

...suffering no longer......
A lover's view on their partner's suicidal issues, becoming so fed up they **** them.
I wanted to try repetition, repetition, repetition.
Growly Wolfus Sep 2019
"They've taken her," it dawns on me.  "They've taken her back to their kind.  They'll **** her," I say worriedly in my mind.  I run after them and follow their trail, only by the scent of blood, defined.  I grow more worried as I get closer to their village.  Where will my friend be confined?  The houses start at the edge of trees.  I crouch behind one and watch mankind.  The people jest and tease my friend, tearing her clothes, ripping her skin.  Something grows in me, otherwise hidden.  They tie her to a post and speak a tongue long forgotten, cursing my friend as she stands humiliated on the wooden platform.  They laugh and grin.  With a torch in hand, they set alight the fire.  Around the pile of oil and sticks, dry straw is lined.  My heart wrenches in horror and disgust upon seeing their actions, malign.

My fur turns as red as the blood being poured, my horns getting larger and darker in color.  My fangs and claws grow as sharp as swords, my eyes burning, glowing crimson with hatred.  I crash through the houses and streets, grabbing and throwing those in my way, racing towards the fire before my friend is killed.  I reach for her ...... too late.  Her crisp bones and flesh turn to ash in my hands.  The human's deed has been fulfilled.  I lost the one I most adored.  Why would they do this?  I abhor humans and their actions.  They think with their hearts and never their heads.  I deplore their works of evil and violence, destroying the land, polluting our shores.

I cry out in sorrow, mourning my loss, and, in me, raging anger breaks loose.  I spout fire from my mouth, burning people's homes, destroying their fields until all is reduced to dust.  They suffered the same punishment they had used to ****** my only friend.  As I calm, my fur changes back.  I shrink in demeanor and my eyes turn pitch black.   I hunch over in pain from the attack.  I've been scarred by fire and what I've done, but the human's deed has been paid back.  Why all of this over a simple reason your people refuse to believe?  To be ignorant is no excuse.  Why won't you realize it?  Monsters have feelings too.

I will claim the name you've given me, become what you already see.  A monster that doesn't have any feelings, a demon that has been set free.  Then, only then, will you be correct in the way you think of me.  I didn't want to resort to this when it could've been solved diplomatically.  Forever, until the end of time, I will turn the tables and hunt you for all eternity, for you demolished my dignity.  You will fear me, now, more than anything else, and praying to your god of wrath won't do anything to help.  By my hand will you suffer greatly for what you have done to my friend and me.  All of this because you refuse to believe...

Monsters have feelings too.
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
A warmth, a blanket of darkness covers me, holds me in the night, until the sun at daybreak wakes me with it's forbidden light.  And by me, I find a human sitting there, warming herself by a fire's glowing light.  She looks at me and smiles as I gaze back with horror and fright.  I sit up, scared of what she wants, and think to run from my plight.  "You should know," my booming voice rumbles, "I do not wish to fight."  She looks at me merrily, and steps closer, my large shadow looming over her.  She understood not a word I had said.  She smells of a floral odor.  For a reason unknown, she dresses my wounds and feeds me herbs and clover.  I cannot comprehend her feelings towards me,  but she'll stay in my sight.  Something in me has snapped, an ember self-ignites.

She follows me, sticking close to my side, back into the cave where I always hide.  In there, she heals my broken heart and soul from the inside.  Does she understand my feelings?  A monster's feelings?  Or is she someone with whom I am temporarily allied?  Over time, my midnight blue fur returns, my fangs, claws, and horns still growing back.  But she is special compared to her brethren; she knows and feels something they all lack.  Courage and empathy.  You and your kind would only attack, wishing me dead, to boost your pride.  And by the devil's law, you began to abide.

I have given this woman everything, and she gave it back tenfold.  I danced with her in the wilderness, and clinging to my fur, she rode.  How could I repay this woman, for whom so much I owed?  Then, one fateful day of exploring led me to a road, a human invention leading to their towns.  It was by chance I came alone.  I would retrieve a gift for my friend; so, through the shadows of the forest, I travel, following a ditch where the great river once flowed.  It leads to a village, a small and humble place, infected by the humans and their spiteful race.  Quickly, I grab a tool they use outside, and I run away, ready for a chase.  But no one notices, no one knows of the tool I have borrowed.  I speed back to the cave where we stay.  Once far enough from the village, I slow my pace.

These chimes ring joyously in the wind, and cannot be silenced no matter how hard I try.  It reminds me of my happiness sounding, like the waves of the ocean coming in the tide.  I want this feeling to never end.  I want you to stay with me all my life.  I search for our cave, our home, this place of mine.  Something is wrong.  A stench of smoke burns in my nose and clings to the area of the forest I'm in.  I'm so close to the cave, not far downwind.  I panic and run as fast can through this maze of trees past the great river bend.  And, at the mouth of the cave, torches lay scattered, a fire burning, glowing hot, set to light by ruffians.  The smoke stings my eyes as I look high and low, trying to find where the fire begins.  Blood of smaller game covers the ground, sacrifices to the human god of wrath, traced to corpses and animal skins.  I rush into the fire where my friend has once been.  Nothing in there is left, and I leave the cave, mystified.  I find only one clue nearby, written in blood on a sign hidden under the rotting flesh where maggots had begun to reside.  It reads, 'We've caught the witch!  Let us purge her, make her cry!  She brought forth the demon, she who is satan's bride!'
This is the second half.  I'm thinking of adding another part to finish it off.  I like how it's turning out.  What are your thoughts?  How does it make you feel?
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3284994/a-monsters-feelings-part-one/
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3302905/a-monsters-feelings-part-three/
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
I was born into this, something I never wanted.  And all of my life, I've been running, hunted.  We're being tracked down and slaughtered, chased, by people with fire as their ally, their weapons made of silver or simply wooden stakes.  You've run us into a corner and murdered all of my kind out of fear, not a shred of their existence left behind, proclaiming it was for everyone's sake.  I am the sole survivor, the last of my race.  I have vowed not to fall victim to the same fate.

You've claimed me to be a monster, but what does that mean?  The only monster I see is you.  Murdering and spreading rumors of my kind, you don't understand what I've been through.  Saying I've slain many, but you've killed more than a few.  Stop speaking of such things; it's hurting me.  Stop lying to yourself.  Why can't you see? Are you ignoring it purposely?  Look at me, into my soul, and realize the devastation caused by your pursuit.  Why can't you understand?  Monsters have feelings too.

Though, it is too late to go back to peace.  The people can only see something unreal, a fake part of me.  And now, I will never be free.  I'm forever running from your conceit.  I have done nothing to bring you to this.  I've cut off my horns, my fangs, and my claws to try and be a part of your bliss.  I burnt my fur and scorched my skin, but all I've done has been dismissed.  I have to hide in caverns deep.  In the cold and damp, I sleep, afraid to be found in my cavern keep.

I could never fight you, that would only make things worse than before.  My skin is covered in my crimson blood and I'm in pain from the scars.  In anguish, I roar.  My gargantuan, curled ebony horns lay broken and cast aside; my thick, midnight blue fur reduced to patches and strewn across my stone lair; my calloused pads raw from running; my weary eyes tortured and worn.  I've given up on living any longer.  It's better to die and to be conquered than to be caged and grow weak from hunger; so I step out of the cave, crawling out on all four; and I lie down, exhausted, on the forest floor.
This is my first rhyming storyline.  It stemmed from a thought I had.  "Who are the real monsters in our world?"   let me know if you like it.  I don't know if I should finish it.
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3290949/a-monsters-feelings-part-two/
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3302905/a-monsters-feelings-part-three/
Aug 2019 · 1.2k
Raindrop
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
A single raindrop falls from the sky,
depressed in its loneliness as it descends.
It lands and drips down a grassy *****,
alone and forgotten.

A single raindrop falls from the sky.
It falls from dark clouds and gloomy air.
It brings nothing but sadness to the earth below
and desires only to be heard or seen.

A single raindrop falls from the sky,
felt only by a stranger.
It's wiped away, declared a nuisance,
and cast away from existence.

A single raindrop falls from the sky,
mistaken for a tear.
Thought to be from an angel of a lost age.
It merely stirs the dust.

A hundred raindrops fall from the sky,
all lonely but together.
They cause a splash and demand attention.
Still only felt by one.

A hundred raindrops fall from the sky,
unable to quench the earth's thirst.
They disappear, taken by the ground,
embraced for the last time.

A hundred raindrops fall from the sky.
Not a head turns to notice them.
They cry out loudly but cannot be heard,
vanishing as they land.

A thousand raindrops fall from the sky.
The clouds gather to watch the spectacle.
They grow darker as they bunch together,
warning those below of the coming.

A thousand raindrops fall from the sky
and tap people on the shoulder.
"Come watch us," they whisper before leaving.
Few people are left behind.

A thousand raindrops fall from the sky,
looking for an audience.
The people have left and taken their friends
to hide in the buildings they made.

A million raindrops fall from the sky,
and joyously, they sing.
They hit the ground, the cars, the roofs,
and make music for those in hiding.

A million raindrops fall from the sky.
They dance and cheer and smile.
The sun decides it wants to watch.
The light dances with raindrops for awhile.

A million raindrops fall from the sky,
accompanied by rays of gold.
They bring new color to the city of gray
and rejuvenate all of the old.

A gentle rain falls from the sky
and makes art upon the ground.
It quenches the earth's thirst and hums in our ears,
dancing to its own sound.

A gentle rain falls from the sky.
People watch with awe from behind glass.
Ignored by many, precious to captivated few.
They long for it to last.

A gentle rain falls from the sky
and gracefully sways in the breeze.
It brings forth calmness and a sense of peace.
It blesses the green fields and trees.

A gentle rain falls from the sky,
watched by a child with wonder.
It sends the breeze to lift the child
and brings them out from under.

A gentle rain falls from the sky
and splashes on window panes.
It plays with the child and hums sweet tunes
as it makes puddles in the traffic lanes.

A gentle rain falls from the sky
and ripples in the water.
A new world created, impossibly calm.
It makes the child an offer.

A gentle rain falls from the sky
and whispers in the child's ear.
"Wait for me.  I will return.
I won't leave you alone here."

A gentle rain falls from the sky
and sings goodbye to the child.
The clouds dissipate as the sun takes over.
The departing rain simply smiles.

A million raindrops fall from the sky,
murmuring farewells and goodbyes.
Each gives the child a tender hug
as the color returns to the skies.

A thousand raindrops fall from the sky,
then a hundred, then one.
The single raindrop kisses the child
standing alone in the sun.

No longer do raindrops fall from the sky,
but a child waits for them.
To dance and sing and draw and play,
with the gentle rain again.
I LOVE the rain.  I wrote this after a gentle rainfall and listening to one of my favorite songs.
The child in the poem does not necessarily represent age, but more awe and feelings I have when I watch the rain.  It's so peaceful.  I feel like a child whenever I watch it or sit in it.
Kiss the Rain - Yiruma
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=so6ExplQlaY
Aug 2019 · 96
Rambling In You Head
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
No one loves you, so why do you smile
when you know you're hated and despised?
If you're truly happy with who you are,
why do you always seem to have to lie?
This feels great!  We grin at your pain.
It's good to finally have a challenge.
You complain, but I know you like it too.
We haven't caused too much damage.

Why do you cry?  You stupid human being.
If you show your torment, what do you think they'll say?
They'll call you weak for what you are doing,
so we keep you from speaking every day.
You don't deserve help from others.
Go and try to be happy with your friends.
Soon, they will see your true colors.
Then that will be where this ends.

Haha!  Hehe!  We're sorry.  We can't help it.
Except we're not sorry at all.
You're weak and don't belong here.
The higher you climb, the farther you'll fall.
You're tired again--aren't you?--from being around them.
How will you survive on your own?
You like to be here but you're exhausted again.
It's better to just be alone.

You admit we're there, but you'd much rather ignore us.
It's difficult with all of us here.
You try to listen but sometimes, we're too many.
Your hope for rescue is turning to fear.
You can't decide.  What can you do?
Lying awake in your bed.
You can't silence us.  We're louder than whispers.
We're the rambling in your head.

You laugh awkwardly.  You know we are here.
You cannot hide for long.
You try to ignore us but we are still there.
We will never be gone.
It's about time you tell someone the truth,
but we trust that you won't just yet.
We are with you for a reason.
You don't know why I bet.

We'll be back soon.  We'll be quiet for now.
We know we can depend on you.
It won't be long, don't worry.
Rambling is what we do.
Does anyone else hear voices in their head?  I used to believe it was totally normal.  I mean, everyone has a conscience, I just thought mine was trying to **** me.
Aug 2019 · 185
Words Speak Volume
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
Words can
Obscure
Reality,
Dousing all of
Senses with fierce emotions,

Smothering our logical thoughts and throwing off our
Poise.  They
Exaggerate what we
Actually mean and
Know.

Vexing
Our inner selves,
Loving and carrying
Us to higher places,
Meaning things we don't understand.
Enough.  It's time to think before speaking.
Aug 2019 · 138
Depression
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
Get out!  Stay away from me.  Or else, you too will get the disease
of hatred, anger, lust, and pride.  Get away or else you'll also die.
Let me wallow in this pit of despair.
Because, deep down, I know you don't care.
And this love that you thought we had
was never real.  Please don't be sad.
Just throw all your problems unto me.  I'm the one who's going to be
alone for the rest of their days, staring into his eyes, his deadly gaze.

It's final now; I've been diagnosed.  I have the condition I dreaded most.
Depression, they say, will be a hard battle.  I can't go on with this tiresome travel.
My only friends are in my head,
since all the others believe me dead.
Leave me alone! Don't let me poison your mind
with thoughts of death and suicide.
If you ever catch this disease, you'll be with me on the stormy seas.
I long for death or some escape from his gaze filling me with hate.

My happiness has been taken from me, and I'll never get it back from the beast.
He let me go from his cold grasp.  For once, I'll be at peace, at last.
Another one lost...                                                                                    
                                                                   ...hundreds left wondering...
...... is this the best choice?...
Aug 2019 · 1.0k
Bloody Rose-reversible poem
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
blood.
I hate the
color it has.
such a strange
part of us.
it's only a natural
element of our being.
Roses represent an
love and romance.
I do not believe in
the hatred of our world.
love is
for us,
a beacon of hope.
Death is
scary.
Why must blood be red?
Why must the rose be red?
pain.
Red is the color of love and
agony.
Love is
warm.
Pain is
cold.
Blood is
red symbol of despair.
A rose, a
gift of love.
a true
gentleman carries a rose
for his love
"though it rots
it will not die"
I look into
the mirror
blood covers
the thorns on a rose.
Love is
freedom from the chains of torment.
nothing hurts more than
pains of heartbreak.
feel these
from a bleeding heart.
sorrow
or enduring the torture of
loneliness.
I dealt with
little of this.
I knew
the truth in love.
Lies are only
the thorns of a rose.
See beauty in
myself.
I hate
looking at the ****** rose.
read from the top, down then from the bottom line up.
This is my first try at a reversible poem, and I liked how it turned out.
Personally, I've always wondered why both love and evil are represented by the color red.
Aug 2019 · 124
The Monster Under My Bed
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
He lurks in the shadows.  He burns in the light.
It seems he can feel nothing.
He is silent and stays out of sight.
He's hiding from something.
He cannot touch us and feeds off our dreams.
He haunts us in our sleep.
He is not as evil as he seems.
Our happiness, he keeps.

He has crab-like legs and glowing eyes,
his hands and claws like cages,
his tail with feather ends raised high,
he's been here throughout the ages.
His ears are sharp.
He can hear every whisper.
He has a good heart
and's a wonderful listener.
He has a large mouth with four fangs.
He's a shadow in the night.
Under my bed, he lingers, he hangs.
Only for me will he fight.

People I tell of him say it's all lies.
They never believe when I say he is real.
We're friends, and in dreams, we sail all the skies.
I made him a promise. I intend to keep our deal.

He says little now as a voice in the shadows.
He guides me to the light.
He holds me up when I feel powerless.
The monster in the night.
I must go now.  I made a vow to leave.
He'll take me away with him.
I'm escaping this world for another, you see.
He's taking me to them.

He's here...
                                             ...and he's waiting.
This is honestly, one of my favorite story poems.  Read it as if you are a child.
Go back to being naive and curious.  It'll impact you all the more.  Escape into another world.
Aug 2019 · 139
Okay
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
I'm not a shy person and I have some close friends,
but for an unknown reason, I have a sinking feeling.
I often take offers life doesn't usually lend,
and some risks I take send others reeling.
Something is off.  I know something is wrong,
but I keep going on as if nothing's the matter.
One day, we all will be gone,
and I cannot worry myself with this latter.
Time is a keen element in everything.
The more we waste, the less we have.
I don't know what the universe has in store for me.
I hope it's nothing serious or bad.

The voices I have, someone told me it's not normal.
I shrugged off the comment, but I knew they were right.
The voices never try to be formal
and only seem to bug me at night.
I used to think what they said was true.
I'm okay now.  At least, I hope so.
You see, the one who saved me was you.
You were the only person who helped me grow.

They came back, and this time, not only at night.
I can hear them daily, chattering and being a problem.
I can't believe I thought I was alright,
and it seems there is no way to stop them.
I'm okay.  Don't worry about me.
After all, this isn't your issue.
This isn't the person you normally see.
Just hand me another tissue.

The voices are a part of me.  If they're lost, I'm not whole.
It seems like I've finally gone mad.
I know I'll regret this, but I'm no longer in control.
What I'm to do is incredibly sad.
I'll say sorry now.  You can't stop me.
You've already tried everything you could.
Don't watch and you won't see.
I've tried to stop them too.  I know I should.
This is it, but it'll be alright.
Just promise me you will stay.
I must go now.  I can no longer fight.
Everything is okay.
"Okay" and "fine" are relative terms.  Not everyone's version means the same thing.
Aug 2019 · 83
Blackout
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
All the lonely voices crying for help
their laughter chills my bones
the darkness has taken control
listening to their moans
they're afraid at times but otherwise brazen
you cannot see their face
they scream insults, phrases, and words
"you are a disgrace"
there are voices in my mind
impossible to silence
everything is invisible to my eyes
the voices act as tyrants
the blackout of my brain
became my reality
I ask myself questions the voices ask
"Is this really me?"
The light shines in, it hurts, it burns
the darkness inside me shrivels
I cry out in pain, the light is evil
I crumble to the ground and wither
The darkness returns, I feel at home
this is where I belong
I live here in this pitch black night
the light will soon be gone
I recall writing this during a school blackout.  It was a super stressful time.  There were at least ten officers in the building making sure everything was okay because the day before someone threatened to shoot up our school.
Aug 2019 · 89
Crazy Hokey Pokey
Growly Wolfus Aug 2019
You put your left foot in
You pull your left foot out
You put your left foot in
And wrap it all about
You do the hokey pokey
And you turn yourself around
You've got a dislocated foot now

You put your right arm in
You pull your right arm out
You put your right arm in
And twist it all about
You do the hokey pokey
As you weep and cry with pain
While someone's calling your name

You put your left arm in
You pull your left arm out
You put your left arm in and twist it all about
You do the hokey pokey
As you slip out of your chains
And realize you're going insane

You put your head in
You pull your head out
You put your head in
And you shake it all about
You do the hokey pokey
As you quake and sway with fear
No one else is in here

You put your head in
You pull your head out
You put your head in
And you bang it all about
You do the hokey pokey
As you bleed out on the ground
Laughing 'cause you'll never be found
I have NO IDEA how I came up with this.  It's stupid, but you might find it a little funny.
Jul 2019 · 128
I Own
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I own nothing
nothing at all.
Think before doing or else you too will fall.

I've never seen or felt love before
but then I met you.  You opened the door,
the stone gate guarding my melancholy heart.
Now that you're here, stay to play your part.
I role in my life usually vacant.
Stay here with me, I have plenty of patience.
I promise not to argue.  I'll only listen.
Speak your mind to me.  Let nothing be hidden.
I will give you everything I have.
Just be here by my sad and never be sad.
I'll be happy with you for the rest of my days.
Never will I get over your gaze.

Your eyes a creamy, deep rich brown.
Your face seems to glow, your red hair always down.
The way you move is mesmerizing.
The words you say are hypnotizing.
I love you wholly with all of my heart.
I think no one can tear us apart.
I did not see
all the signs you left for me.
Once I found them, I couldn't understand.
Why would you leave my for another man?
None of it is true.  It must all be a lie.
But deep down inside I wish I would die.
You cheated on me with another.
We can no longer trust each other.
I lost everything to my ignorance.
I can't believe you and your difference.

Now, I own nothing,
nothing at all.
Think before doing or else you too will fall.
Being cheated on is the worst feeling.  It's a different kind of heartbreak.
Jul 2019 · 127
Cuts
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I chuckle lightly and smile at my knife.  One day, I would use this weapon to take my own life.  Slowly, I jab it into my arm, dragging it down and causing self-harm.  I have an addiction to inflicting pain, so I do it to myself since nothing will I gain except for the scars and blood on my skin.  How could this ever be considered a sin?

The blood trickles slowly down, hardening then turning brown.  I clean it up as if nothing happened.  If my parents knew, they'd be deeply saddened.  I act like I do normally and my friends don't notice anything wrong with me.  I wear a jacket to cover the scratches.  Some are still healing from last week's matches.

I feel the need to try other ways to cut myself, but to my dismay, I lost my only blade.  I bought a better one for which I paid.  The cuts on my arms grow more crowded.  There are too many to be counted.

After slicing my arms, legs and feet, I look to Death who I'll soon greet.  Just one stroke to end my life.  I whisper a prayer and grab my knife.  Admiring the dagger-like shank, I slide it against my neck and calmly thank anyone who didn't know of this.  They are all oblivious.

Today I will complete my mission, a goal of which I am commissioned.  You must  know, this has to be, and now I'm dead because no one stopped me...
I drew a very eye-opening image on the back page in my notebook.  This poem accompanies it.
Jul 2019 · 45
Gatherer
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I'm a gatherer, a humble being.
I dislike violence.  Only peace, I bring.
I herd people to see the light.
I gave up emotions and love for this right.
Evil fills the human race.
It'd be safer if they're all erased.
A maze I'm running through from which I can't escape.
A dream has captured me and I cannot awake.
The memories haunting all of my thoughts.
The key to my heart is forever lost.

These battle scars I have gained over time
show all my struggles and losses of what's mine.
I have not forgot
all the wars I have fought.
I recall all the pain
and the wisdom I've gained.
Sadly, all my work has been for naught
since I am now gone, the one who Death sought.
I am a lie,
a false entity doomed to die.

This is the last you'll hear of me.
After this I'll be forever free
from the pathetic, fleeting people
of this world called to kneel.
I came as a friend to change their mind,
but they wanted bloodshed not peace for their kind.

I am warning you of
the humans filled with evil and love.
Take our time and think things through.
I pass all my knowledge onto you.
You are the new gatherer.
Bring the truth to those who can hear.
You are a scribe but never tell,
or they will come after you as well.
I recall writing this poem after researching the atrocities people commit.  We all need to be saved.
Jul 2019 · 35
You Do Not Know Who I Am
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I am something entirely different from what you know.
I am someone hidden behind a screen and lines of code.
You think you know me; you say you know my name.
but do you really know me?  You hide the thought with shame.
You do not know who I am.

You do not know what I look like,
my hair color, my smile.
You cannot feel the warmth it gives to those in need.
You cannot see my eyes.
The suffering in them, the pain.
Nor have you seen the horrors I have.

You cannot hear my words and what they truly speak.
You cannot see the meaning behind them and behind me.
But you can see my text and what the script conveys.
You read things at face value and furnish it not with your gaze.
You do not know who I am.

You do not know my gender,
my culture, my race.
You do not know what I know and have learned.
You do not know my cunning,
how I think and how I feel.
You cannot fully understand me.

I do not fully understand me, my feelings, my actions.
Can you subdue my thoughts for a second, but a fraction?
You cannot comprehend how greatly I long for silence.
Something, I am afraid, is impossible now.
You do not know why.
You do not know who I am.

There is a ringing, a never-ending sound
I am subject to listen to.
It was not my choice nor was it mine to make.
My hearing is slipping away,
as is my speech.
Soon, my own voice shall atrophy away.
All that's left will be these words
turned to dust.

You do not know my name, my gender, my race.
Nor have you ever seen the features of my face.
I am losing myself and will never again feel the comforts of silence.
Oh, how I long for it.  I long for what I have lost.
Taken for granted.
Forgotten.
Dust.


You do not know
who I am......
You don't know who I am, so here's a little about me hidden in a very real poem.
Jul 2019 · 287
Mask
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
This seems to be reality,
but I just want to be free
from all concern and all the hate
in this world whose doom is fate.
'**** me now,' I thought aloud
silently, not making a sound.
I place on my face of happiness
to shield underneath the emotional mess.
Hiding my pain in my soul,
it eats away, out of control.

I try to smile at all my friends,
but how can I?  In the end
we all will face our judgement day.
Shall I bring it closer or shall I stay
here with you, my love, my hope?
But I'm afraid I cannot cope
with any of life's problems.
I'm scared that I am one.

I shake my head and break a fake smile
when you say that I'm a pretty gal.
The truth is, I hate myself
and find it easier to fail than to excel.
Change the subject, don't put it on me.
I'm not the one who likes to be
the center of all attention.
When I speak, you can cut the tension.

When I daydream, I think of the future
and how it grows ever nearer.
When I sleep all I have are nightmares
filled with only horrors and jump scares.
When I awake, I shrug it all off.
"This is normal to me," I scoff.
My failures stare me in the face.
Some things you can never replace.
The joy in my heart has been devoured,
but I have more important things to think of this hour.
Like how I'll **** myself. Is it the right time?
What should I use?  Will it all be fine?

Headed to school the very next day.
Mumbling and cursing myself, I say,
"Good morning," and walk to my seat.
With a fraud grin, I stare at my feet.
Again, I wear my mask of happiness.
Thinking of death, I clench my fists.

Soon... very soon.  No one knows......
The reality and the everyday thoughts of a suicidal person can be confusing.
Some feel guilty, others are anxious, and some are filled with true happiness.
Jul 2019 · 384
Speechless
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I've always been a quiet person.
I keep my thoughts short and to the point.
I never thought words were important.
Now, I realize each one has meaning.
I couldn't talk, unable to breathe
whenever people would speak to me.
"Social anxiety" it is called.
It seemed I couldn't shake the feeling.
Then I saw you when I was lonely one day.
I now keep my mouth shut more often.
Afraid that I will say the wrong words,
I'm speechless when I'm standing next to you.

Your eyes a crisp green, your hair golden,
your smile as bright as the stars at night.
Your laugh is like the waves of the ocean.
Your angelic voice calming and sweet.
I can't think straight when I'm around you,
your charming effect overpowering.
I solemnly stop to think of love,
but I still dream of when we will meet.
It could be today or tomorrow.
I want to run when you look at me,
and I can't help speaking so softly.
I'm speechless when I'm standing next to you.

If I'd raise my voice, I'd be heard across the room,
but I think we must have some distance.
You'll never find me in your embrace,
a relationship that won't exist.
My mouth is sealed and I'll stay silent.
You don't even know who I am,
but a fire has been building inside me.
Never before have I felt like this.
This burning can't be tamed by others.
It's an unstoppable force.
It's in my core where my heart dwells,
but still, I'm speechless when I stand next to you.
The raging fire of youthful love with a shy girl and her crush.  This is my favorite romance poem I've written.
Jul 2019 · 50
Loss
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
My father lost his mind after losing my mother.
Before getting over his grief, he married another.
Now a drunkard, he hides away
keeping me inside with him day after day.
My new mum, as I'd call her,
hated the thought of Da abusing his daughter.
She wouldn't treat me as other mums would
and kept away from Da best she could.
I no longer believed in love,
and I prayed to the god I had heard of.

Into adulthood, I grew with a start.
I now bought the drinks to fix Da's broken heart.
The god others prayed to still didn't help,
and everyone seemed happy except for myself.
My new mum was growing older with age,
and we needed to find someone else to pay wage.
We were in debt and a large one at that.
After finishing school, I got a job and came back.

In this time of duress you came.
Nothing would ever be the same.
You soon appeared in all of my dreams
and haunted all of my memories.
I would go red whenever I saw you.
I didn't believe in love, but I will soon.
You showed me things I didn't see.
You discovered a new side of me.

But my father soon found out.
He began cursing and crying about
you stealing me from him.
He said he would never forgive that sin.
I couldn't let him destroy the only thing I've ever loved.
So, with bated breath, I pushed and shoved.
Mum separated us from our quarrel
and scolded me for my immoral
actions in speaking against him.
I couldn't believe she sided with him.
Finally, she sent me away.
Thinking Da was drunk, I behaved.

One day was harder than the others.
I sat in my room locked in by Mother.
We had been secretly speaking together,
but I hadn't responded due to the gloomy weather.
You came to my house thinking I was sick.
I had to think of something quick
or else Da would see you and fulfill his words.
I prepared myself for the worst.
I screamed and grabbed my only blade
and acted deathly afraid.

Hearing footsteps, I got ready to cry.
But my knife fell out of my hand and I
tripped upon seeing Da's caring, worried face.
Never had I seen him that way.
I felt my knife puncture and cut deep.
I cried and screamed as Da pulled it out of me.
He cradled me in his arms
and promised I would never again be harmed.

Blood stained my quivering hands
and a second time the door slammed.
You stood aghast upon seeing me
and tried to stop the bleeding desperately.
My vision grew darker and blurry.
I could tell you were beginning to worry.
That was the last time I ever saw you
I was surrounded by the ones I knew.
Slowly, in Da's arms, I bled out.
Loss would always fill this house.
A sad poem.  If you didn't like the rhyme scheme you might want to read it again as a story.
Jul 2019 · 62
Betrayal
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
You . . . you lied to me.
I didn’t know you wanted it so desperately.
Your hopeless desire to be free
Comes crashing down before your feet.
Now, I hope that you can see
All your delusions and conceit,
Your vanity, since you had never broken
A promise or secret spoken,
But now, please take this as a token
Of my shattered trust and heart dismayed.
By you, I have been betrayed.

My heart pounds slowly in my ears
As I think of all the fond memories I’ve had over the years.
I touch my face as my death nears,
But all that’s left is blood and tears.
And now, I’m faced with all my fears
And the scrutiny of all my peers.
Inside me, a rage awoken
By the abuse and insults spoken
Filled with such intense emotion!
They’ve never truly been afraid!
They don’t care how I’ve been betrayed!

I carried their burden and gave them protection.
So why, in return, have I lost their affection?
I stare at my opaque reflection
Asking myself this single question.
No one can achieve perfection,
But why must I suffer their rejection
Over and over with more voices combined
Than can be speculated by one mind?
Why am I alone and blind
With no help coming to my aid?
I lie still here, my conscience swayed.

I lie alone on the cold ground
Wishing hopelessly to be found,
Or to at least be rid of the sound
Of the darkness--weeping--all around.
With the status I am crowned
Comes dangers to which I am bound,
But by the honor to which I’m tethered--
However little, however weathered--
I won’t let a silly, feathered
Raven stop me and get in my way.
Yet, somehow, it led me astray.

It led me to you, a queer butch,
who longed for someone to love and touch,
And, as such,
I gave you my own hand to clutch
And let you use me as your crutch.
I never realized I hurt you so much
By forcing you to stay by my side.
I controlled and nullified
Your sense of judgment, worth, and pride.
But now all that I can say
Is, “Why have I been betrayed?”

You commit deeds without thinking.
You say strange things when going out drinking.
You ignore the chains around you, clinking,
Drowning you in your self-doubt, sinking.
You stare at the sun without blinking,
Blinding yourself from your world’s shrinking.
However did you fall so low?
But from the ashes, phoenix's grow,
No matter how painful and how slow.
You still confound me to this day,
But why, by you, have I been betrayed?

Your motive was to gain your liberty.
You want so badly to be free,
But I never owned you.  I only have me.
I depend solely on myself; wouldn’t you agree?
Or not because you couldn’t see.
You weren’t my slave by my decree.
A mysterious woman with lofty aspirations,
A raven in tow with never-ending patience,
And an elaborate configuration
Of this very time and day.
You’ve murdered me with a sullied blade.

No one’s free, that’s undoubtedly true.
For a fact, just look at you.
Locked in a maze you yourself drew
From cowardice, you stubborn shrew!
Watch with me the mournful sky, blue,
And the ebony raven departing, too.
You look at me with daggers for eyes,
Or what’s left of me as only a corpse lies.
I am left here listening to your cries
Of triumph and grief.  Why defile me in this way?
By you, I have been betrayed.

You’ve hit me with a fatal blow,
You and that oversized crow.
You relish in your success, though
Somehow, you faintly glow
Of sadness and you lose control
Of your emotions buried below.
You’re furious with what you have done,
Killing me, the only one
Who believed in you.  But it’s too late to run.
You cry to yourself, alone, afraid,
As the sins of my soul are being weighed.

You burned my home, my nerves are shaken.
My life and honor have been taken.
If you think you’re forgiven, you are mistaken.
As of now, my hatred has been strengthened.
My inner demons have awakened
As I have been forsaken
By the only one to show
Me love and cherish me, although
My faults are innumerable.  I want you to know…
I’ll never forget your betrayal.
You watch me bleed out, your face deathly pale.

You shout, frustrated, and break a sweat
Knowing you were forever in my debt.
You stumble on words and your own regret
While falling over my burnt chairs and ashen assets.
I whisper to you ghostly threats
And spectral visions make you upset
As you know I am someone who never
Forgets such an atrocious endeavor.
So, yes, you are in my debt forever
As now my trust has been decayed.
Your mind, my demons invade.

Your temper rises, your thoughts waver
As you think of how you can win back my favor.
Away from here, you’d be safer.
I don’t care anymore for revenge, now or later.
So leave here a life-taker,
A fool to stay as the perpetrator.
You may be a traitor but you have seen
The wrong of your actions obscene.
Therefore, I consider you clean
Of the crimes and lies you’ve made.
Slowly, away I fade.

Go!  Go now!  The night’s nigh over!
Soon the blazing sun will take over
And give everyone exposure
To the light, we need to come closer.
Take these words as your closure.
Think things through and be sure.
I no longer wish to conceal
My thoughts for you, bizarre and surreal.
I want you to know and feel
The warmth of the love for you I made.
No longer must you be afraid.

In the end, we all will die
So why do you sit there and cry
As the rain falls from a thunderous sky?
Let go and--like the raven--you too will fly.
Hurry to soar up on high
For I know the end is nigh.
Fly into the somber night.
Try your best to find the light.
Hold it close and hold it tight.
Perhaps others will follow my trail
As I have--not forgotten--but forgiven your betrayal.
Try to put yourself into the poem.  It's meant to be read as if you yourself are narrating it.  Feel the emotion.  I'm very proud of this piece.  It's undoubtedly one of my favorites.
Jul 2019 · 74
Demon's Curse
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
In the night's darkest hour
you will see the demon's light.
He will show you infinite power,
giving you eternal sight.
You will be blinded by
all the shining stars divine.
You'll no longer see the sky
as a branding sign.

This is how your story goes
a never-ending chain!
You've emphasized all your woes
filling yourself with pain.

Time, present, future and past;
nothing stops it from working.
As the weakest, you are last,
and you know you are broken.
Over all of time you grow.
You will watch the world unfold.
Ending high, but starting low.
Aging?  Never getting old.

This is how your story goes
a never-ending chain!
You've emphasized all your woes
filling yourself with pain.

The demon, it slowly spreads
consuming all of you.
Now able to see the dead,
you fear what will happen, too.
Death is soon upon you.
You'll be reborn a heathen.
You accept your fate.  You knew
you're already a demon.
You serve all the Devil's commands,
and now we meet the end.
Not caring what else happens,
soon we'll all be dead.
I wrote this from an eerie tune I created and made a song from it.  See if you can hear the somber music.
Jul 2019 · 587
Introvert
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I shake your hand unwillingly.
I didn't want this to be
the start or end of our newfound friendship.
I'm forcing, pushing myself to do this.
Keep in mind, this is not my kind of bliss.
T'is not cause of you I ran away,
but I just knew I couldn't stay.
I doomed "us" before "we" even started.

"Let's be friends," I'd rehearsed in my head,
not knowing I  would soon be led
by all my faults and hardships.
I feel I will implode
never knowing where else to go.
"I'm an introvert," I'd always say.
This is the excuse I use everyday.
I'm led blindly by my own utter failures.

""It's really not that hard to do,"
I thought whilst running away from you.
Being social is a part of our livelihood.
I've fallen and there's no one to stop me.
I don't matter, so why not flee?
No one will notice that I am gone.
I have no acquaintances to lean on.
Nothing can keep this sea from being parted.

I try my hardest, I try my best
but I'll never get any rest.
Being alone is neither healthy nor good.
I've tried to find some friends online,
but they would go away sometimes.
My time here's waning.  I'm consumed by fear.
There are no friends to save me from here.
They'll never know how much it really hurts.
A depressed introvert's life story.
Jul 2019 · 79
Mirror
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I see the mirror's reflection of
everything that I'd love
to be.

I hear the whispers and echoes near me
and ache from the burdens I am forced to carry.
I feel your icy breath
down my neck.
Your comforting eyes
stare through my lies.
I know this mirror's reflection of
everything that I love
isn't me.

There are too many voices and too many words.
They spout insults until all of me hurts.
They promise not to hurt me if I behave,
but I think they lie and will fight 'till I cave.
The only thing I depend on is this haunting mirror.
I keep it hidden, out of sight, afraid you will appear.

Your smile crushes me.  Do you really not know?
I do not want to sink in the fires below,
but there is no way to escape from this mimicked reality.
The only option
is death.
A sad boy doing wrong.  It's connected to one of my newer poems.
Jul 2019 · 95
The Mirror
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
There once was a boy in the mirror.
I used to see him there everyday.
He'd always looked so sad and say,
"Please!  Can you help me get out?
Somehow, I'm trapped in here!"
I'd ignore him.  He wiped away all his tears.

One day was different from the others.
The boy had bruised arms and eyes.
I asked him what was wrong but he spoke only lies.
"Nothing much," he said.  "I just fell off my bike."
I know he wasn't telling the truth to me,
but I said nothing and let him be.

The next day came and went.  A full moon climbed the stars.
I awoke to a sound in the middle of the night
and was blinded by the moon's glorious light.
Perhaps the boy would still be up.
I walked to the mirror and found him there.
Blood coated his dark hair.

He sat up and looked at me scared, then shocked.
Slowly, he stood up in front of the glass.
"I'll be fine," he said.  "It won't last."
I wiped my eyes and walked back to bed.
He worried me.  I hoped the cause would go away.
I wanted everything to be okay.

I searched for him in the morning.
He was at the mirror but sleeping.
His face was red from recent weeping.
"Trapped," I said aloud to myself.
"He said he was trapped in the glass.
I hope that this will all pass."

That evening, I saw him again.
He had stitches and a shaved head
and red gashes from the belt on the bed.
He tried to hide his face when he saw me.
I asked, "What happened to you?"
"Dad--I mean, I fell down stairs.  You could too."

The next morning I asked him the same thing.
"Like I said, I fell down the stairs.
I'm not hurt bad.  Nobody cares."
"I do," I said.  "I think you're cool."
But I couldn't convince him otherwise.
Still, hopelessly, I tried.

Years have passed between then and now.
I still see the boy all the time.
We're teenagers and everything's fine.
At least, that's what he says.
He wears long sleeves to cover his arms.
I don't know what happened but they're covered in scars.

He tells me how bad his life is.
He says, "You're too nice.  Like the others, I must've made you up."
"That's not true," I say.  "Look here, we can touch."
We place our hand on the mirror and stare at each other.
"I guess you are real," he admits.  "Fine."
I smile.  "Hey, being wrong is not a crime."

One day he tells me, "Come closer to the glass."
He rests his hand over mine.  "This is our secret.
Never tell.  Promise me you'll keep it."
I nod to let him know I agree.
"I've found a way to get out of here.
I'll no longer be trapped by pain and fear."

He stands, pulls a cord around his neck and jumps.
He squirms and lets out ghastly sounds.
I panic and time seems to slow down.
You see, we are identical in almost every way.
We've become a part of each other.
We share everything with one another.

I guess, I never knew how he truly felt.
His body stops twitching.  He is gone.
I gaze, horrified, at the boy I knew for so long.
The mirror turns into pitch darkness.
He really wanted to be free.
Understand, the boy in the mirror is me.
Suicide from a different POV.  It could be connected to a poem from my old notebook.
Jul 2019 · 382
Confinement
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
Trapped.
Ignored.
Risking it all without reward.
Unwanted.
Shunned.
No one knows you were the one.

When you know of your wrong, but you can't deny
all the feelings you carry on the inside.
You have no worth, and don't you cry
even though you feel like you want to die.

you masked everything and blocked all others out.
You knew they only wanted to fill you with doubt.
You know you are special since death is near
to save you from all the fires of fear.

How can you stand to watch the whole world burn?
You needn't do what you did; you'd nothing to earn.
I hope to never see your return.
You say you freed them of their concern.

This... confinement you have placed yourself in
won't be able to save you from all of your sin.
You're a psychopath, a murderer, a monster.
How can you find solace through your slaughter?

Why do you think you deserve a chance at life
when you killed so many with the swift cut of a knife?
I hope death will come to take all of your might.
To take you away; to hide you from our sight.

You feel you grow stronger but your light surely dims.
I want to watch as it goes, in your confinement grim.
I cannot deny how hard I have sought to find you.
I watch you from afar, silhouette clear from my view.

I'm the survivor of your chaos and now
you only have days to live.
This was one of my POV poems.  I wanted it to be from the point of someone searching for a murderer who was never caught.
Jul 2019 · 76
The Sadness Within
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
You act alright, but deep inside you know something is wrong.
A silent fight over everything; it's lasted so long.
Little have this, little know, the sadness within you very soul.
You feel heavy; you feel the guilt.  You've never felt so low.
You panic, so frantic.  I laugh at all your measly pleas.
I'll never let you go, even while you beg on bended knees.
I am anger; I am torment.  I'm your every fear.
I am emotion; I am feelings.  I am always here.
You can't escape, you can't run from any of this temptation.
I'll be here waiting your return.  This is your occupation.
Take your time enjoying life looking over your shoulder.
I'll be watching at all times as you grow older.
Go to a bar, get drunk, stay out late, and sleep in,
but you'll never forget me, the sadness within.
This was meant to describe the guilt of hiding your depression from others.  I myself do not have this infectious disease, but I do know many who are suffering from it.  Don't be afraid to tell someone.
Jul 2019 · 71
The Sky
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
The sky, the most beautiful thing this world has left.
Oh my, what a broken place we live in.
To fly will be my last wish when the end comes.
We'll die, holding tight to our only kin.

Untouched by destruction and work of man.
Untouched by humans that control the land.
There is no other place to go but up.
So hold onto me for as long as you can.

Pass through the atmosphere, and you will find
a mysterious world called space and time.
Planets revolve around a burning star.
Watch as they orbit and slowly align.

The heavens--some call it--is where we'll go.
Where the clouds can pass by neatly and slow.
Observe the waters of Earth from above.
Without gravity, try dancing with your shadow.

The sky, the most amazing place this world has left.
Oh my, what a broken place we live in.
To fly will be my last wish when the end comes.
So high I'll soar, a new journey begins!
I think it sounded better when I was younger.  I used to adore this poem.  It's an oldie.
Jul 2019 · 42
Something Else
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
To find in yourself something lost, hidden
Then realizing all it’s potential, forbidden
Setting it down and walking away
You’ll never get a second chance...
Just a random thought.
Jul 2019 · 321
Coma
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I cry in barren deserts, the tears stolen from me.
My eyes are dry, like the sand, washed away by the sea.
My hands are scarred and calloused; my shirt is torn away.
My feet are burnt and blistered by the dawn of a new day.

The time that's left is dwindling; I feel I have it all.
I count down the minutes 'till the time when you next call.
My soul is crushed and withered; your name is on my lips.
You'll be the one who saves me from this deathly abyss.

Inside me, a cavity where my heart likes to hide.
It's turned to stone, cold and hard, by despair, hate, and pride.
The world around me is blurred, a mirage to my eyes.
The sun's scorching my peeled skin.  My head is filled with lies.

The time that's left is dwindling; I feel I have it all.
I count down the minutes 'till the time when you next call.
My soul is crushed and withered; your name is on my lips.
You'll be the one who saves me from this deathly abyss.

I cry out in this lonely world, "Help me survive the night!"
You responded with your name, my eyes bathed in your light.
Too bad I'm trapped in my mind, slowly, surely dying.
I pull myself towards the shore; I've given up on trying.
This desert that I have crossed, surrounded by the sea,
was my final obstacle in my journey to be free.
I watch my body float away from me, washed away from the shore.
And strangely, it begins to rain; I dance in the downpour.

I have beaten this battle; I'm so close to getting out.
The rain has quenched the desert from the never-ending drought.
But something is wrong; something's different in my mind.
Who cares anymore?  I'm leaving this state behind.
I leave my earthly being as my mind becomes a blank slate.
I watch as my family cries; who knew that this would be my fate?
They wanted to end my suffering; they ended my pain.
But I was close to being saved; they took my life in vain.
This one could've been a song.  I wanted people to think before pulling the plug on someone else's life.
Jul 2019 · 241
Conscience
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
How do you feel being trapped inside that beautiful mind of yours?
Your eyes like to wander, your hands like to write, about a fantasy world.
This world is not real, yet you claim it to be
a vision of your reality.
A barren void, a terrible hole,
a cavity inside your soul.

Why don't you tell someone of
your feelings called hate, opposite of love?
The time we have is limited, your mind quickly grows older.
So why don't you take a long rest on someone else's shoulder?

How can anyone know the pain that you feel?
No one can help you; you're behind the wheel.
You daydream in this world waiting just for you.
Why won't you except their offers?  Why?  They know what you've been through.
I promise things will be alright as you scream and try to write.
Please, I beg of you, tell anyone of your hate.
But by the time you finally speak, it will be too late.
You disregard all your worth and things others value.
You simply ignore me when I say, "I need you and love you."

Why don't you tell someone of
your feelings called hate, opposite of love?
The time we have is limited, your mind quickly grows older.
So why don't you take a long rest on someone else's shoulder?

I'm here for you; that gut feeling is me.
I'm just your conscience, which I'll always be.
But when you think so hard you shrink, try not to hurt yourself in any way.
This is where the devil hides, planting the smallest seeds inside
your mind, as it slips into confusion,
a deeply sorrowful state called depression.
You think you're delusional,
but that fades and leads to a confession.

Yet sadly, now, things have gotten worse.
All of it feels as if somehow you're cursed.
You want to run away from it all,
but you simply can't resist the devil's call.
You plan your escape from reality,
and plan your trip across the infinite sea.
Your fantasy world is where you'll go, ignoring what others say and believe.
Hear me and my reason!  Stop listening to him!  Do not be deceived!
It's as though you're deaf to my words; taking a deep breath in, you sigh.
Hiding, listening to the devil, I yell for you to stop, but you pull the trigger and. . . . . .
I think this one was supposed to be a song.  Can you hear your conscience speaking?
Jul 2019 · 1.4k
Deaf
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
Words have no meaning if you can't speak.
Don't get lost in your imagination with me.
I'll always be here, wanting to play.
Others don't understand what you feel everyday.
You can't hear any of this world's beauty.
You can only imagine the sounds of things we see.
You've been taught a language no one normal can read.
You're lost in your mind waiting to be set free.

Don't be afraid; I am here in your head,
But you sit and cry, filled with sorrow, instead.
No one can help, you'll make your own path.
Stand up to your fears and never turn back.
You may feel blind to this criticizing world,
but you are a unique, talented girl.
I am learning sign language.  It made me think about how deaf people feel when they are introduced to a hearing world.
Jul 2019 · 743
End
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
End
Life intolerable
Death inevitable
Desires insatiable
Things unreal

Words unspoken
Evil awoken
Vows art broken
Pain, thou feel

Fearless leaders shamefully hiding
Within cowards, still confiding
Helpless people slowly dying
Horrors thou hast never seen

Demons unleashed from their cages
Hellish, endless fire rages
Now unto the end of ages
Sins of all the world run free

Acts unthinkable
Power unimaginable
Disease incurable
Rots our souls

Gates of Wrath
Flank Satan’s path
Splitting in half
All he controls

Bowing to our God eternal
Pray to leave this world infernal
Careful not to wake nocturnal
Monsters of abysmal night

No response art thou receiving
Being led by hope deceiving
Finally, art thou perceiving
No escape, for all wilt die

Torture endless
Methods boundless
Leave thou breathless
Still afraid

Pain unending
Death descending
Hand extending
But betrayed

In this hellscape, thou art living
Only in the flesh existing
Forever art souls suffering
The carnage surrounding thee

Abominations now released
To feed on fear and the deceased
Destruction shalt never be ceased
Souls ****** for all eternity
I wrote this from the notion of the end of the world...

— The End —