Depression always sits on the edge of the bridge that I call my brain ready to throw us both into the deep water where we drown together like a twisted one-man Romeo and Juliet act. Sometimes I let my sick thoughts take control they always wanted what’s best for me like when the self destructive thoughts tried to convince me that it was seppuku and not suicide even though the only deference is the level of holiness. No one should open Pandora’s box and get to know all its secrets. I would rather die than keep on living knowing that people worried about me but my anxiety for death saved me. My biggest inner-conflict is between my depression and anxiety, one tries more eagerly than the other to take control while I walk the bridge of memories and trauma - a alternative history lesson that always begins with once upon a time and ends with a to be continued that might never continue.
Written: November 25 - 2017
Danish version:
Depressionen sidder altid på kanten af den bro, jeg kalder min hjerne, klar til at kaste os begge i det dybe vand, hvor vi drukner sammen som en forskruet form for en-mands Romeo og Julie akt. Nogle gange lader jeg mine syge tanker tage kontrollen, de har altid villet mig det bedste, som da de selvdestruktive tanker var ved at overbevise mig om at det var seppuku og ikke selvmord, selvom forskellen blot er helligdom. Ingen skulle åbne pandoraæske og kende til dens hemmeligheder, så hellere dø end leve videre med tanken om at folk bekymrede sig. Men angsten for døden reddede mig. Mit største indre-dilemma er mellem depression og angst, den ene forsøger mere ivrigt end den anden at tage kontrollen, mens jeg går over broen af minder og traumer, en alternativ historietime, som altid starter med der var engang og slutter med en fortsættelse som aldrig vides sikker