I wish I could say it out loud
I wish I could say it and be proud
I wish I could say it without shame
I wish I could make it sound lame
I wish I could say it and make some fame
But no
My feelings are to blame
They are the culprit
I can't say it out loud
I can't say it and be proud
I can't say it without shame
I can't make it sound lame
I can't say it and make some fame

*I can't stay here anymore
I just want to close that ******* door
And walk away from this kid called life
I hope to end it with knife

I never wanted an apology
I just want my life back.
I just want my breath back.
*I want you to mean nothing...

"Life won't let you go,
and death won't take me..."

I hope you ******* die soon
I won't even show up to the funeral
To spit on your grave
It's not near a shame
Because of your name

He's playing broken records and looks into a broken mirror
Enjoying the prefect distortion of his face and
        his
                   smile
A grin that matches his personality so perfectly
His reflection's so **** no matter what mirror it's in
He blows out so gently
                  Shushing
The wind from the window sill
And staring at the shards that currently holds his reflection
He warms himself with black embers and stone

What are words without meaning?
What are emotions without feeling?
Why were we created?
I know there's a meaning
I know there's a reason (for there's a reason for each every season)
Was god just lonely and wanted blind praise and love?
I should create my own earth, my own world
But it would be better
I would explain everything instead of ordering for something with on reason or explanation
My own world where I'm leader (I'm not god, that's too heavy a burden)
and I make it equal and balanced

Because these hoes are worthless
It makes you all too perfect.

Sometimes I just saturate
In my fossil fuel of hate
Right now the fuel contains a concentration of you
Sometimes I just want jaws lined up to punch right through
But I also hate that I shouldn't be mad at you
You did the same thing I would do
-Even was about to too-
You lied,
I lied
You cheated,
I cheated
-all In that order.-
I told you so many times
Your heart did a crime
You should have remembered to tell the truth so you'd get clocked for less time
I may be a hypocrite for saying some of those things
But you made it clear you'd **** yourself if I didn't do anything
What power has the internet fling?
I didn't have time
Your life on the line,
I cared enough to try.
I didn't want you to die.
And sometimes I felt how hard you cried
The guilt inside,
It pried you away enough to look for a better bride
I still think it's amazing I haven't cried since
Doing everything to my heart and my head to trick and convince
And don't ever forget, I once wished with all my heart you were my Prince

Oh death
How could you be mean to me?
You took my whole world away from me
Now I'm in this barren land
This place is just full of white sand
No trees
No twigs
No cacti
No life of any kind
No warmth or any sun
No cold or darkness
What is this place?
Why was I trapped here?
The day my father died I was stuck here to sleep
To cry
To be mezmorized by my memories and imagination, and by the fictional books in the small library
Everything here is isolated
Everyone here is medicated

I remember so many things
So many things that shouldn't even matter to me
*“My mind's memory is worse than my randomly saved screenshots.”

We have to make it before the last grain falls
The dying air we breathe
My dying words you read
I don't want to start all over, or it'll mean nothing at all

We have one chance
One problem
It's enhanced
Why did I have to follow?

You breathe your air into me
It reaches my lungs slightly
Grab my arms and bite me
Dig your nails into me so tightly

Make me feel the pain of a broken heart on the outside
Let me bleed your broken heart
My body can heal just fine
Please, I am so willing to fall apart

If your heart lies, I'll die with it
If I die your heart will die with me
This is what it is
A jagged love connection

Won't be able to **** **** no moe
Won't be able to talk **** no moe

How are you doing?
Me?
Well if I told you the truth you'd be ready to leave
You, sorry I haven't called
But you never would have answered anyway
You, yeah you
Why don't you call me for once?
Or did I just ignore your number because of its unfamiliarity?
Hm
You should call more often so that I can know it
Send me letters so that I may know your words

Well maybe
Maybe you shouldn't do these things
It'll only make me miss you more
And it'll just make you want to push or run away from me

Rain water soaks me
You undress me
You dry my body with your lips
You hold my hips with just your finger tips
Your touch send shivers up and down my body
Your touch burns me
You look at me, "Are you ready?"
I look back, " Yes."
Our hips now connected
We both gasp and sigh
as our connected hips move together
The looks on our faces after we're done
The looks and sighs of pleasure
My head fits perfectly in the hallow between your neck and shoulder
*Our eyes flutter closed and what we did was repeated in our dreams

Maybe one day I'll see me the way you see me
Beautiful, smart, talented, extraordinary, and weird
"The good kind of weird" you always say, "That's what you are. Nice, smart,talented, sweet, beautiful, shy, and weird. The good kind of weird."

The reasons why I broke up with you
I always felt so lonely and alone when we were together (even more than when I was single)
We dated for eight months and you only talked to me a handful of times
You were always busy (I know people get busy, but for months at a time?"
You were never there when I wanted you, or needed you
I know that you love me(I love you too)
I was just tired of feeling alone, lonely, and unwanted
You have to ******* count my feelings too!
It hurt me to hurt you
It hurt me more than I thought it would
*In fact I did not think that it would hurt me at all

I lost us
What never was us
What relationship we had was thinly faint
It was but a glance in the hallway
A half second of eye contact
You were the beautiful one
I the ugly one
You popular
And me invisible
It was inevitable
That we were born best friends
And die strangers
I thought you'd remember me
But instead you barely recall me when I try to say hello
I always overhear you and your friends call me weird
Strange
But when we were kids we swore to never part for more than a day
That promise broke into a million pieces
Not because of me
But because of us
We lost what never was and never will be

Sweet sweet tender flesh
I bite into the rest
My tongue does a taste test
My mind goes under a slight mesh
Of feelings and taste
My mind sets off a race
My tongue begins to pace

I could eat this slowly all day

All I do when I am broke
I burn their money inside my throat
And I don't choke
I just dream of buying things my pocket won't fit
I often think about enjoying each hit
I get a rush with every daring slit
I'll take her money, and **** yo *****

Life is like porridge
Never get discouraged
Sometimes hot sometimes cold, you never know what the future holds.
And for those lukewarm moments
You have the world and own it
In your heart and it will never depart.

I'm so glad you don't have alcohol kissed lips

Funny how you use the amount of ***** you get
And girls who you have follow
To amount up to how attractive you are
Knowing **** good and well ugly people somehow got someone to creep with
You don't need to look pretty to get ***** or dicked down
And just because they follow,
It doesn't make you ****
Especially since, these actions are so senseless
And these actions are a risk that
Makes you love the game
But the game never did anything
The player did
That's why the game is never blamed.

The earth is not for us anymore.
Look how it's started to reject us as if it just had an ***** transplant.
We're the ***** not complying.
We're the ***** that is the cause of us dying.

Reality,
You're so close
It's smothering
But my mind
It's stuttering.
*******,
You're all in my sights
You got me so weak
I don't know how to react
Realness these days is so meek.
Guilt and regret,
You got my stomach empty
And my eyes so sleepy
You got me sweatin
You have me inside wishing all I was doing was forgettin.
Reaper,
Man, I know you ain't a creeper,
I know you Karma's keeper
And you our ******* teacher
If things only went the way I preferred...
Death,
I think about you hard and heavy
As I try to keep my heart beat steady
But I'm just not ready
For my brain to be useless spaghetti.
Heart,
You just can't do it yet
You get way too upset
Now we in this puddle of regret
How we gonna get you fixed?
Mind,
You blow **** out of proportion
Make the worst assumptions
And get my heart to pumpin
All for nothin.

I feel so sick
So hungry for attention
But I don't have any intentions to eat
Just starve
In this heat
Stomach growls
She's got me beaten
Black and white out
It's blinding me
Takin my vision
But it's all about precision
And there's lack of that in my decisions
*******, this world ain't free, it's now a prison

"A lot of people go under the assumption they can choose who they love, and try to look for that. But, all that does is get them into trouble."*

           ~From the movie: The Mexican

I think this is destined for forever, but
I'll always hate and love her till my very last breath.

If I were just a number you wouldn't love me
I'd be just another future dead body
I know you'll break some day
I've been waiting for it, still am,
And I'm hoping it doesn't hurt like a mortal wound
It probably will, but that's okay
I'm hoping that it'll **** me
I'll just get the cynder blocks, the rope, and visit the bridge overlooking the lake
My heart will beat fast with the last breath I take
I'm hoping that you'll **** me
You're the only one I wouldn't mind murdering me

Slash my heart
And hope to die
I pray to god
My soul you keep
Keep it safe
Keep it locked away inside your heart

I pray to the souls that know me to be happy without me
Do not mourn my death
You'll be with me yet
I may not die now
But my time will come
Naturally or by choice
*I pray to god my soul you keep

I hate opening my mouth sometimes,
*My words are stones...

If and when I live alone
I'll cry all I want
Inside and out
And since no one will see or hear me cry
It'd be like I never did at all

I read all of our old messages
They make a bitter smile come to my face
They make a bitter laugh come out my mouth
I am glad you at least told me the truth

However,
The truth you told me makes me feel worst
And for some reason it makes me smile

How does that make me smile?
It made me laugh too

I really must be as pitiful and as messed up as you said I was

And Ne'coe said it too

I still find it amusing

He had a girlfriend who was a harlot
And he was a church boy
She cheated on him loads of times
He knew it, but was blinded and deaf by his love for her

Mirruh,
I don't know much about you
Maybe that's one of the reasons why we weren't ever friends
Sometimes I catch myself regretting not being good enough for you
But you knew me well
You told me how you felt about me
It almost crushed my heart at the time
But I reread those messages and laugh at how I want to cry
How I want to make you feel what I felt that day
I'm still holding on to what was lost when it was never found
I sometimes catch myself being that same pitiful way
The way you told me I was
I hate myself even more now
I hate being this way
I keep holding on
I don't know how to let go
How do I let go what I still want?
I got one of the things I wanted
It was what I denied
That I was pitiful
And I am messed up
I got her and Ne'coe to admit it the hard way
I set myself up for it
I'm glad you said it
Cause now there's no way for me to deny it
Cause you admitted it too

You know it's you.
Who I am talking to.
You don't have to listen to how I choose express myself.
If you don't agree, that's you, but don't be rude.

You gulp down liquid fire trying to warm your soul like it's a city of ice and glaciers
It burns down your throat but it never hits home, it just makes it easier to live there
It burns pass your heart never melting it, but cracking the ice within it to open up something you didn't ever see before
And your therapist dares to sit there and ask that cliche question that everyone asks you, but never understands the answer you give them
*“Why do you drink?"
“It makes it easier."
“It makes what easier?"
“To live in my skin and see the inside of myself again. I look so much more beautiful on the inside. And this is the only way I can see it."

If life were a sea, you could see how many people are drowning, including me.
*Would anybody save them, or is it just me?

I regret I wasn't good enough
I should have tried to be
I regret I didn't ask more
I should've asked more
I regret I whined too much
And I regret everything I did and didn't do
You told me everything I did wrong
I whined too much, I assume things, and I'm too attached to people and I make them uncomfortable
I don't know why I do it
I didn't really see it till you told me
I hate it
Makes me realize how messed up I am
I hated that you didn't even give me a chance to fix these things before you told me to "*******" after telling me how annoying I am
Then I realized
After what happened between me and Ne'coe I realize now that was my second chance to fix things
But
I didn't see it
I was too dumb to see it as a sign that I was the problem
That it was me
Not anyone else
I keep regretting
and I can't seem to stop
I keep over thinking everything I do or say to anyone
I hate regretting
because it makes my heart squeeze and crush under it's weight and it makes it heavy as oceans
And I'm doing it again
And again
And again
I keep reading the messages you sent me and it crushes my heart rereading it
All the reasons I was never good enough
Everything
And it makes me want to cry, but I can't
I haven't cried for anything for three years and I don't know why,
but I'm all cried out even after never crying
So I just try to fix these things you said, even though you won't want me anymore
And
I'll be a better friend for someone else
And if it helps
*I still care about you

"Say something
As I say nothing but useless ramblings
Say something
As I stare at a painting
Say something that will let you in
Say something
Before my heart goes on lockdown
Say nothing
Say something
Before I decide to close up on you
Don't say it
What you're thinking of
Don't say that either
Don't ask what you're gonna ask
Cause it's too late to say it,
to ask it
It's over now
There's no chance
There's no fixing it now
Just leave me and my friends alone
You never cared
You were just someone who I put up with really."
That's what she said
The person who I thought was my friend

What you basically sayin is **** me.
**** me.
Cause I don't matter.
**** me.
Cause I don't need clothes.
**** me.
Cause me feeling good about myself don't mean ****.
**** me.
**** me.
**** me.

I'm somebody's daughter
My lungs fill with water
I scream and I shout
Fled ideas of doubt
Hope is depleting
People misleading
And my life line is defeating the inevitable
Who the **** are you, Mr. Incredible?
Your ego is bigger than my dreams
You're suffocating me
You need to **** that thing
It's driving you insane
Pretty soon no one will want to hear your name
There's a skidmark on your ego, shame
You should be afraid
My words are of envy
I speak when you spit
I kick when you hit
Please back up off me, *****
You don't wanna be me
You don't wanna see me
I hope I see you bleeding
Red and blue are colors to see
I'm somebody's lover
My heart fills with clover
My mind fills with doubt
I scream and I shout

Baby, I'm not Angry anymore
I'm Disappointment

I thank you for helping me reflect and comprehend
I sink further into my skin
"Do I really want this again?"
I don't need my skin purpled, blackened or blue
That's sure as hell what my head is going through
Don't bruise my mind
Don't belittle my soul
I know why I used to miss you, but not anymore
My heart desires something so much better than a *****
So that my mind doesn't get bored
And when we kiss my knees buckle to the floor
Then we made love till I couldn't scream anymore

Do me a favor
Save me some time
Write down those lies
At least I can shine a light on it to know determine whether it's see through

Hollow
The glass between my fingers
The smoke that
Follows
Fills my lungs
Gives my pain replacement
Feel
Myself until I'm numb and aching
I need this nothingness
Real
Emptiness is so confusing
Your eyes can only dream
Your lungs can only
Scream,
Give me my anything
Give me my nothing
I'll change my prayer
My heart's still thumping
My lung's still pumping
Give me nothing
Gotta make me something

All these whispered thoughts inside my head
They hate me
I hate me
I'm fat
I'm shy, awkward, and quiet
I'm not beautiful either
Not like other girls
I'm different
I'm weird
I'll never be loved by any guy, even if I loved him
None of my dreams would seem to come true
I won't be the writer I want to be
I won't get married and have kids like I want to
And I'll go out like Juliet in Romeo and Juliet, but without my Romeo because he won't exist
Or I might drown my sorrows in my own blood and wine
Red wine
The blood of wines
I'll drink it down till I don't feel anything anymore, but warm tingles and numbness
I might fill up the bath and grab something to end my pain
But even that is a dream
And it won't come true
None of them do
I've seen better people fail
I'm no better
At least I don't believe I am
*This is what I think of me...

My body is the paperweight of my soul.

I'd say my biggest crime is loving
Cause it goes against the laws of my heart
The biggest commandment I've broken was caring
That is why my soul is oh so demanding
It's a chronic pain measurement
My soul is collateral for this huge embezzlement
Doesn't my heart hold any sentiment?
I was never meant for this

I don't know what to write
When you're in pain and crying
I don't know the right notes
To sing the right words for you
And I don't have the right notes
To play for you to rid your pain and suffering

When I don't know what to write
When I don't know what what notes to sing of play it's always you who's there

I can't write anything when you come to mind
You make my writers block show
You make my singing voice speechless
You make my notes sound flat and lifeless
I don't know what to write, sing, or play to make you feel beautiful
I can't sketch away your feelings
I don't know what to write
I don't know what to sing
I don't know what to play
to comfort you
But I can be there
*I can hold you when you're crying and in pain
I will try to say the right words
do the right right things