White Walls with Lavender and wildflowers placed around the room-
everything was perfect.
Lacey table decor with Lavender glasses displayed with each name tag-
everything was perfect.

Dad came in with tears in his eyes and Mom was there to help me get that dress on-
everything was perfect.
My best girls by my side with dreams of romance in their eyes and smiles on those perfect faces.
everything was perfect.

Two minutes before we walk down the aisle to say those vows I have rehearsed a thousand times in the mirror.
everything was going to be perfect.
Breathing in and out as my best friend and maid of honor asks me how I'm doing.
everything had to be perfect.

One minute before I walked through those doors and he would be there waiting for me like he always has been.
One minute before I made the biggest decision of my life.. the most lasting decision of my life no matter what the future holds.

But at 30 seconds before I walked down the aisle to my future husband...
you came flying through that door.
I froze.
You froze.

And in that moment I knew...
nothing was ever going to be perfect.

It was warm when I arrived in that big city- a suitcase and my purse are the only legacies I had left to my name.
I could start over here.
I could be someone new here.

My driver was a nice man from Delaware- he told me that the city was old and that I was brave for traveling so far alone.
He was a kind man.
He told me the weather was going to change soon.
He knew nothing about me... I don't think I knew anything about me.

We got to this broke down apartment over in West Philadelphia.
I remember thinking... this can't be the right address.
But it was and that was just the beginning to my endless self struggle.
I thought I could start over here.

The weather changed fast- overnight it was freezing and I was struggling to find warm enough clothes.
I remember thinking... how the **** can anyone live here?
I remember thinking ... how the **** am I going to make it here?

I learned a lot about myself that month I spent in the city.
I learned how to take a subway, how to take a bus, who to talk too and who to avoid.
I learned I can survive being alone.
I also learned.... you can't run from yourself.

You can't change as quickly as the weather.

She tasted like cigarettes and whiskey... she wore red lipstick and a tight black dress.
I didn't feel a thing for her except envy when we first met.
She told me with a smile I couldn't handle my liquor and I laughed in her face and swallowed that Whiskey straight down.
She grabbed my hand and we were gone.

The next night she tasted like Vanilla and Chai.. she wore black ripped jeans and purple lipstick.
I didn't feel a thing for her except humor.
I told her with a smile she couldn't handle her liquor and she laughed and swallowed that Scotch straight down.
I grabbed her hand and ran .

One more night and she tasted like bubble gum and spice... she wore a black sundress and combat boots.
I felt like maybe I was falling in love with this girl.
She told me with a smile that we should get some drinks since we both can't handle out liquor.
I laughed and grabbed her hand and we walked off to the bar.

It was always that Peppermint White Mocha.
It's so funny that a simple drink... one that I choose every single time.
A drink my friends and I have turned into a small inside joke.
A drink that tastes like Christmas ( which you know I hated) and Joy ( but i was always too pessimistic right?).

A drink that no matter the weather I still choose that one single drink.
Don't get me wrong, I've tested other flavors.
I've tried it iced.
I've tried it blended.
I've tried it at a local coffee shop in every city I go too.
But nothing compares to the original.

Funny how this started with you.
Are we even talking about the drink anymore?

It was in that one second between her falling down and getting up that she made the decision to never let herself get that low again.

Bruises vivid in her pale skin.
Blood actively pouring from her nose every other day.
Anxiety and fear running through her veins around every turn.

Fairytales never show you what happens after the honeymoon phase.
They don't show you what happens when the prince lets go of his cool composure and just wants to beat the **** out of you.

He didn't need alcohol.
He didn't need drugs.
He liked the adrenaline he likes the feeling of prey and predator.

In between that one second of falling down and getting back up she made the best decision of her life.

To switch the roles of predator & prey.