She danced through wildflowers and wove lilac in and out of her long hair. She smelled of lavender and pine and she never went anywhere without a smile.

Dancing alone to the harmony of the wind and the beat of the rain hitting the ground softly she began to remember a better time.

A time before the hassle of growing up and before the sun stopped shining just a little to bright.
A time before she was afraid of sitting at home and just relaxing.

Remembering the smell of coffee and peppermint throughout her grandmothers home.
The idea that one day she would grow into someone she could respect and love.


She was strong and fierce but also slightly soft and simple.
She was wild and free but contained by walls of society she hasn't quite broken through yet.

Yet she continues dancing through wildflowers and spinning daisies around her finger tips.
She continues humming to the sound of the ocean and  falling in love with natures secrets.

She continues to grow into someone she can respect and love- finding her own the only way she knows how.

I don't want to be strangers again.
I don't want us to have to pretend we never met.
I don't want us to act like it's our first time knowing the deepest parts of ourselves as though we never knew them before.

I don't want to pass you by in the streets with a gradual nod hello.
No hugs, no smiles, just two strangers walking in opposite directions.

Love makes you weak.
Love makes you vulnerable.

I just couldn't take it and I knew that when I walked down the street passed all the places we have been together.
I knew when I wanted to see your face in every boy I ever kissed.

When I made love and pictured your hands around my body.
When I laughed with another man and thought wouldn't you think this was funny.

So when you stopped writing me back and you are thousands of miles away.
When years were still passing us by and I couldn't get through to you because of distance.

That's when I knew we had already become strangers... and I think that's what made me feel worse than ever before.

I'm not sure I'm even sad anymore by the technical definition of the word-
I think I just am tired of waking up to the same smells, the same sounds, the same loneliness that has become my best friend-

They say you get addicted to a certain type of sadness, but that could be just a lyric in a song I heard once-
I find myself dismissing the ideas of sunshine and wishing for the rain-
I find myself driving across state lines tossing my cell out the window and letting my darker than normal hair fly in the wind as I drive with no end goals-

I am sure I'm not sad anymore I just hate routine and want to disappear for a while-
My doctor wants to put me on anti-depressants but I flipped him off and screamed anarchy as I walked out that door-

One day I'll have the courage to say goodbye to everything I've ever known-
I'll color my hair and wear tight pants because I can do what I want-
I'll drink midori sours in the morning and sleep in my car-

My doctor called me reckless and insane -
My parents called me immature and needed to grow up-
My friends told me I'm depressed and keep trying to reassure me I won't die alone-
I say I don't give a **** anymore; let the wild take me and set me free-

I've fallen in love with faces on every street corner.
I've fallen in love with smiles in every cafe I wander into.

I fall in love with his eyes or that guys laugh in the mall or down the street.
I fall in love with her hands and that girls hair when I see them joking around.

Yet when I stop and take a moment to appreciate the beauty in everyone I meet; I find that I'm still a little lost without you.

I still glance up and wonder why it took so long for me to realize you're no good for me.
I still wish upon stars that maybe one day I'll love myself as much as I loved you and your flaws.

I hope to one day fall in love for real again.
To fall in love and have someone love me back with the same amount of intensity as I have for them.

Because you had such small amounts and I had the world.

We found gypsy dreams along the waves of the clouds that fell upon us that sunset of a night.
We found wander and adventure in our souls as we stared at the fiery skies above and the deep oceans below.

You told me once I needed to fall in love again.

We found mystery along the tops of trees and found cool air brushing our make believe wings.
We found belief and structure in dancing around our fears until they were to uncomfortable to stay.

You told me once I needed to remember what love was.

We found memories on the forest floors and in the jungle vines.
We found hope in the eyes of children and animals who showed us the path back to our roots.

I have remembered one thing about love and that's to love myself before loving anyone else.