please, darling, don't do this again
i pour out my heart and you say "let's just stay friends"
i see right through you like i always do
and I think you don't really want to
sure it would "be best"
but nothing is ever best with us-
everything is always a mess
think about it, babe, you know i'm right
so, ******* it, let's not fight
let's start something new compared to what has happened before
and do it differently because that doesn't work  anymore
i almost do and you wish you would
but guess what, this time we actually could
i get the silent message that i'm going out a whim
and assuming the impossible: that we could begin again
but, baby, i'd be your arrow if you'll be my bow
don't let this go or we might never know
i'll be your stars if you'll be my sky
blue in the mornings and pitch black at night
but i know places that we could hide
and if you give us a chance this could be it
and my final request is that we don't look back and realize what we missed
just one final plea
think about it
then tell me.

So
I'm really tempted to just walk across the street
And pound on his door
Asking him "what's the deal?
Do you want more?"
Because I think we'd be okay
And the worst things come out of the best situations
And we've always been a crooked love
But I don't think he'd answer my questions
So
I will just sip my apple juice in the sun
Bumbling around on hello poetry
Because I'm bad at taking risks
And because the unknown scares me

I ******* up
I know
And I'm sorry
I did the same thing I did before
And now I'm worrying
Can this be fixed again
Or are you done when things have barely began
I was scared
And I'm sorry
I just panicked and vision went blurry
It's done now
I did it
And now I'm here
So if you want something with this
Let me know
Otherwise I don't expect to hear from you
I know how you work
Even when you say you're not hurt

blood drips off of a melting clock
feathers fluttering on the ground
one shot: two birds
falling apart and stumbling around
blurred eyes make living hard
i can't see what's in front of me
you and i together for(n)ever
fire set to names carves in trees
rosy cheeks and bloodshot eyes
snow falling through the gloomy air
frozen tears from angels fall
and we won't why we're even there
i see you breaking and i hear your cries
in my haunting dreams at night
i wake up but i'm too scared of seeing nothing
to even turn on the light

I'm just going to sit here and cry
And remember the good times
Like when you bought me flowers that one time
And then we nearly froze to death in each others arms
I know I'm the one that broke it off
But I'm still hurting enough
There was the time when you picked me up late
And we swam in the pool in the dark and it all seemed like fate
Like when we danced until our feet were sore
And I said I loved you, thinking I'd never meant it more
I remember when we just laid in bed and talked
And then you gave me my very first kiss and then a lot
I'm going to miss you so much
And I know you don't care
But it will be a while until I stop crying for you
And pulling out my hair
Never date your best friend, guys
In the end you'll just cry and cry

It's only been ten minutes
And I already feel like running back to him
But I have to stay strong
And I have to stay brave
Because I've needed to breathe for too long
But it's time for a rest
My heart deserves at least that
Right?
I'm sorry.
I wish I could tell him I'm sorry
Because I dragged this on for too long
And I was starting to worry
That I'd never get out
It's true when you're drowning in tears,
That's when you can breathe

i'm sorry i'm such a
c
o
  w
    a
      r
        d
and that i can't keep us moving forward
you have no idea how much i want this to be
but you deserve better than me
i know you don't understand as much as you say you do
i'm sorry i never meant to hurt
y
  o
    u
you're the one that would get hurt
i don't care about me anymore
i'm sorry i'm such a people
p
l
   e
    a
     s
      e
        r
and i wish there was a way i could make this easier
again i say you deserve better
and i'm not worth anything that matters
so i know you'll probably see this
and i kind of wish you would read it
because i am so
s
o
   r
     r
       y
and i wish you knew
everything that i've said
and everything i wrote  and you've never read
but then again this was up to you
and this, this is okay too

Okay.
Listen here.
Listen good.
I'm not saying most of this is about you
(Though maybe I should)
But I think you can read between the lines
I'm tired of telling my secrets
Is there anything old?
You should know how I write by now.
Is there anything blue?
You should know nothing blue is new.
Sometimes I just write
And don't know what it's about
Not until the end, that is
Good god,
you should see my walls...
So read it for yourself
And stop trying to
figure everything out
You can speak for
a reason
you know
Start writing
Your own
Song
Now
    .

Our souls are fallen and the skies adapt to our faces
And the clouds let out rain when we cry
This month is bad for everyone
And no one really wants to try

There isn't much good about November
Maybe Thanksgiving, if you like that kind of thing
But it's the same old people and same old food
All wondering what kind of pie to bring

I'm so sick of this month
There's only really one good thing about it
But even that is usually not so much
Maybe it's two years too many or two years is enough

Can this year just be over
So everything can reset
With red hair and not so bright blue eyes
And not a single person I've ever met

I need you more than anyone, okay?
And you're the one that's never here
You don't know what it's like,do you?
Because I would always be there for you
If you want to have me you need to be here
Even when it hurts
How much can you expect me to do?
I'm only one person who's barely making my way through
I'm just
Watching, hoping, waiting
For you
Wishing, wanting, praying
That you will see this through
Please just...
Be here.
Don't leave.
Hold me close.
And love me.

superman dropped me as he flew away/i was slumped on the ground and cried for days/ i picked myself up and shook of the daze/ignoring the mindless superman craze/he's not the good boy that they all say/he's not sweet and he's not brave/but as much as i hate him, i love him that way.

I can be who I want now:
With my girly music and "emo" bands.
And bright red lipstick,
Holding my own hand.
I should've done this from the start,
But I let you get in the way.
I'm not timid and I'm not scared anymore.
Babe, I'm a ***** and I'm not afraid.
So what if you don't get my sense of humor?
I do, and that's all that really matters.
I can do what I want and say what I think,
Even though you always did the latter.
I think it's good that we let this go.
We can find ourselves this way,
And find our own paths in life,
If you ever get that brave.
So I'm going to be friends with who I want to now.
I think we're through.
Call me back when you have a change of heart,
Or stop being you.

I thought you said you'd be there for me
And that you always have pizza
And added a smile for effect
But I don't think you meant it
Because I can feel your regret
You put up walls that are painted blue
An icy shade, just like your eyes
And you don't know what to say
But what you do say might be lies
Maybe you're just awkward
(Well I know you are)
But when it comes to trying to fix me
You are especially
I know I can be mean and I can be harsh
But I'm just hurting, okay
But if you don't care or know what to say
I guess that's okay...
I thought I could count on you
And you say I can
But I guess not
And I'll just leave you alone

You know there's something wrong when the only person who's there when you're hurting is the one you just broke up with

Making you wonder if you made the right choice because your favorite teacher is the only one who told you that you did

And you're just standing there like where are my friends and why is it so hard to breathe
But far too easy to crack apart and bleed

Maybe I need new friends
Like that baggy t-shirt of his
Or red lipstick
Or maybe even that pair of scissors in the back of the drawer

I know I should feel alone, that was almost a break up and I was the breaker
But not this alone
Something is wrong with this picture.

you're my superman and my kryptonite, baby, lets fly away...
we don't have to stay...
it always ends this way...
fading from emerald green to grey...
your eyes glow red with a murderous light...
giving me a sudden fright...
i see your demon soul and demon eyes...
i don't know if it's fake or if it's actual...
because, baby, you're supernatural...
how can you pick me up and then drop me...
maybe that part was just in my dreams...
pick me up and hold me close...
i don't care if it kills me so...
bring it on...
before you fly away and are gone...

calm blue waters

falling stars

late nights

love highs

hellogoodbye

ever changing

ever damaging

drowning to breathe

tossed to monsters in the sea

what we love:
those things change/ like hail to snow and snow to rain/we don't realize it now/but we will love it more than before/love the most/love the worst/become folklore

We took a picture that day
And I saw something in your eyes
All your love and all your fears
Looking back and now I can see
We were flying, flying, flying like a plane
Baby, back when we were sane
Now we're falling, falling, falling
Standing out in the rain-we were going insane
Waiting at your doorstep and ignoring the pain
We're falling apart with the rain

You were my rainstorm and my love story
Breaking down and then down pouring
Thrashing winds right through my worries
Cold hearts making heart strings blurry
Remember when you said "I love you"
Remember when I loved you back
I tried so hard and you broke me
The monsters came up from the sea
Now I'm falling and I can't breathe
I'm drowning, drowning, drowning under the sea

My lipstick on your cheek
I said goodbye and now you hate me
The rain washed away all our tears
But up grew pain and all our fears
Maybe we need to let this go
Maybe, baby, but I don't know

You were my rainstorm and my love story
Breaking down and then down pouring
Thrashing winds right through my worries
Cold hearts making heart strings blurry
Remember when you said "I love you"
Remember when I loved you back
I tried so hard and you broke me
The monsters came up from the sea
Now I'm falling and I can't breathe
I'm drowning, drowning, drowning under the sea

The rain came down and we went up
Setting fire to all we love
Smoke rising so far above
Reaching for something we know not of
Breathing toxins and breaking up
I still love you but it's too much
Calm down babe it's not about love
Start listening and start living
But don't keep forcing me to believe
Because all that does is make me want to leave

I tried so hard and you broke me
The monsters came up from the sea
Now I'm falling and I can't breathe
I'm drowning, drowning, drowning
Now I'm falling and I can't breathe
(Drowning, drowning, drowning)
Under the sea

I woke up thinking it was a memory
But here I am
Alone in this tiny little bed
Wishing what I dreamed is what really happened
I really need to stop this
I don't even know what to call it
Maybe I should just deem it nothing
And go back to sleep and keep dreaming

"Hey babe :)"
I said
And "Hey baby"
Said he
"Heyy"
I said
"Oh well"
Said me:
"Maybe he's busy"
"He always is"
Said the voice, taunting
"Maybe he's working"
"Isn't he always?"
Said they.
"He's too busy for me."
On the depressing, I feed
"But he loved you."
Their words flew
"Shut up, mind. He doesn't anymore."
"What a ******."
"I have Nick."
"And you're sick."
"No. I love him."
"And so do we, that's why he wins."
"You aren't even real."


*"But we're what you feel."

The smell of bacon in the air
My toes cold on the tile floors
You wrap your arms around my waist
Sending warm vibes to my core
We dance in old pajamas all day
And move the furniture around
Making forts and playing games
To music so loud it pounds
We cuddle with popcorn and movies
Maybe I would let you pick
Falling asleep in each others arms
And then sleeping until just six
It all seemed so perfect
In my minds eye
But then I woke up this morning
And wished to speed up time

Sometimes I miss you more than I should
Listening to that song too many times to be good
But then reality hits like an ocean wave
Salty memories and no sweets- secrets I'll bring to the grave
So stars go by without a wish
And I sometimes think: payback's a *****
Snapping back too fast for words
Things I've said < things you've heard*

*The music is louder than my thoughts
Words discarded and hands retaught
Feel the beat and feel my hair
No lies here and no lies there
There's no such thing as happily ever after
But after that night I started to wonder
I raised my standard, you can see
I'm not fighting for you; I'm winning for me
Boom, clap life goes on
By the way, that's our song

You smiled at me and I smiled back
And you return to my thoughts, every joke and every fact
"Who is he?" They asked with laughter in their voices
"He was a friend and he dropped off the face of the earth
Almost like he didn't have a choice"
They all sighed: "what a ****
That must have really hurt"
I held his hand as we walked along
You glanced my way and I didn't linger long
"Who is he?"His jealously an angry note
"Oh him- just someone I used to know"
So I pulled my coat tighter
And walked on, stepping lighter
A ring slid on my finger and I almost said yes
You caught the corner of my eye: I took a breath
"What is it?" He asked
"Nothing, just a ghost from the past"
You stopped to stare and I didn't see
I said yes and now it's about me
She tugged on my hand and I picked her up
You walked by, but I don't need your love
"Mama who's that?" She asked softly
I didn't stop walking and said "I don't know, honey."
I didn't look back to see your face
Everything we used to be is just empty space

I pile stuffed animals on my bed
Seeing stuffing instead of red
Clinging to them tight
They know how to hold me right
Back to childhood
Where everything was always good
No scars to bear-nothing to fear
And smiling ear to ear in a mirror
Reveling in the scent of those days
I snuggle close and everything else dies away
With what's left of learning our letters
Hoping as we get older that everything gets better

I wonder what it would be like
To get drunk with you for just one night
To forget about everything in our past
And everything that could or couldn't last
I wonder how it would be
If we tasted smoke while kissing
To get crazy with no one around
And talk without muttering a sound
I wonder what you would do
If you knew I felt nothing for you
That I found a new temporary fix
And honey, you're not it
I wonder why I can't stop wondering
With the lack of regret I'm harboring
Along with the creeping love for someone else
Maybe I'll just keep this to myself

he's almost great
and i'm almost dead
why can't i just take a step
and repeat words i've never said
i'm not hung up on anyone else
no one but myself
and my fears
so insecure
if i can't love myself
how can i love him?
i want to-i do
i swear, i do love you
but i don't feel it
not in my soul
i could say it
without a second thought
but it would be a lie
and he doesn't want that
and neither do i

what are you doing spreading rumors
when you know they metastasize like tumors
and that it'd get back to me eventually
maybe you aren't honest-not completely
we aren't broken up, you *****
even though it's what you want, you don't get your wish
you think you're the victim-he broke your heart
but honey he was mine from the start
he liked me first, second, and last
and maybe you were just his one and a half
i can't stop you from seeing him
that would make me a hypocrite
but keep your sickly sweet words to yourself
or better yet save them for someone else