sheesh
our session is paltry
taking hits betwixt talk
we've taken hits, how many have walked

or just simply dropped

from doping to coke
smoking and joking
over the line with too many tokes
our time's coming too
though we know not when
we'll go too
in the end

A longing ache has settled in
Took hold
Body and soul
Anguished heart is drenched in sin
I've missed the chaos of losing control

A rosebud sprouts darkness
Into bloom inside
My thoughts turn morbid I guess
Towards death or suicide

Raw emotions torture mind
Trust a rare commodity
Truth is challenging to find
Light impossible to see

Strength no longer fills bones
So difficult to accept
Something inside sinks like stones
Pretend I don't feel the effect

Hiding behind bursting false assurance
Behind closed doors
All the while wandering without insurance
Own chains will lift off the floor

I lost faith in what's above
Realizing vulnerability shows
The very thing I am afraid of
My unspoken woes

If only to soothe throbbing
Live in a state of peace
Fully expose the root of my sobbing
Stripped entirely of suffocating release

Dust creeps down throat
Then recedes
Plant regrets in the mud
Sprung like dandelion weeds
Invisible blades in my gut

Friends twisting handles carelessly
To and fro feelings spun then stopped
Chase fragments of what we'll never be
Off ground pick up the heart that dropped

Wandering world in a state of defeat
As I seek tomorrow
Side to side on clumsy feet
Under weight of all my sorrow

I fit most comfortably
in your hand
Yet you drop me & bounce
me around.
When I fall I have every
intention of landing back
in your hand
But when I bounce back up
I fly in every direction
Except there.
I bounce & I bounce
Until I have no choice
But to lay motionless on the ground.
Still full of life
Still full of excitement.
Until you decide you'd like to play
with me again.
I fit most comfortably
in your hand
Yet you drop me & never pick me
back up

there was a crack in my soul
then you picked me up and mended me
putting gold in the cracks

and then you dropped me again

now there are many cracks  
and the dust of the fools gold you left behind-

crumbled