And it's difficult to remember something as the very name of Eisenhower
Or flowerbaskets
And tired movies made of silicone and
Aftersex
Or sixteen candles echoing out of an imaginary suite with cigarettes at every table
And green lawns
Barbershop conversation
The reflection of the sun in special trees
Or my best friend Jesus Christ
Or the smell of the theater that one day with the cynics who just got back from a tennis match and barbwire still laced delicately around their thoughts and
Nihilism
And automotives
And priestess Jane or Henry's gloomy doppelganger who reads alternative magazines and loves the aesthetics behind broken glass
And fine tuned musical instruments

It's difficult to remember
Lonesome Fridays smoking on a park bench trying to finish the puzzle
Or synagogues you've never been in
Or insurance
Or newspaper articles detailing the misadventures of Mr. City
(Of course of course! Take your shoes off at the door and make yourself at home)
We're tossing all our sewage into the ocean
that's far from clean as it
LOOKS anymore these days
That's anything
And everything except for the glowing mountains seen faded and wintry behind Apartments and the
"Glorious Mexican House of Spices"
Never been in there either

It's difficult to remember
Times of Mr Twin Sister
Or Joan Jett in the hallway
In a highschool who's psychology classrooms have become a time capsule in the ground/
Or the gentle skinny ******
Wearing Broadway makeup and
Kafka tattooed on his shoulder
I like his hat
He looks at me suspiciously
Or the guy who is yelling his order at the counter when it's quiet here anyways
Or the mariner who has a hobby of the saxophone
Or 1970s *******
Or the sheepskin bikeseat fad that's yet to come but I'm predicting it now!
Or two dollars and twentyseven cents at the beginning of Allen Ginsberg's America
"I've given you all and now I'm nothing"

It's difficult to remember
The Oriental
Sacramento flies
Midnight Moon
Quarter to four
"The Immortalization Commission"
Remodelled hotels downtown
Where mandalas on the floor became a
Tiger lily luminous
And the kimono is yesterday's painting/
Dearest Darling
When I was feeling down!
A staircase in reverse (??)
The sound a kiss makes
It's difficult to remember
Colleen's earrings
Or Washington State
Or air conditioners in Bali
The Indian ocean's daybreak hymn
To Seminyak
Or whatever happened to Steve from the Airplane out of Taiwan
On 3 days awake
Hello Kitty nursing stations
****** (Kubrick's version)
Cardboard taking up half my bedroom
It's difficult to remember until I jot it down and then its a sudden forever
Sunshine Superman in a cafe spontaneous
drawings with someone I just met who has some ******* attitude/
Who hops fences and has feral ideas
People! En Masse! Te Amo!
You're all in wolven liberty
And vague postulators
And holy prostitutes for the dollar
Sad eyed intellectuals
With undergarments made of breakfast cereal/
Seaferry poetry is different from
Trestle in August poetry
Or henna handshakes
Or the Napoleonic era
Sweet Cherry Pie
The tulip's tongue
Garabajal
Cloudy first day of July
Was hotter yesterday
But not too hot

It's difficult to remember
Antiquity
The pale horse Studebaker outside the clinic
With a glossy red trim and **** I wish that was my ride
Andy Warhol's exploding plastic inevitable
Nearsightedness
Angels and their ability to shower with a a snap of their fingers
Distant harp music
Better him than me
Bananas almost ripe
Green aquatic
Reclusive junkies
Palomo's appliances
Questions for the next time
How much I like what you like and how I like that you like what I like
Ahh that's not my bus
I'm trying to get to the city!
That one quote Socrates is known for about knowing nothing as true wisdom
Supermarkets being built on top of liquor stores burned down a while back
Monopolies
Tragedies
"No Love Lost"
THE HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL
Your guess is as good as mine
Never tried to eat Asian food in Asia
It was all pasta and good cider that tasted like pineapple
Rain hitting the window and I'm
Drowsy again
God Save The Trees!
Curly hair looks good on boys
Torn up blinds
Queer as a three dollar bill
If Bill costs 3 dollars I'm sure he's caught something better safe than sorry
Sage advice
I'm the very model of a modern major general
Golden yen and international currency
Incense in the bedroom and how good it smells
There's my bus! Applying for a better job than the one I got now
But that's how it always is right?
Chasing satisfaction
1007 apt
Porch ornaments
Unique names
Unique style le style
The extra charge on foreign ATMs
Cordoroy polo shirts
Flooding in New York!
When someone's face screams *******
"Slippery when wet"
Dine N Dash
Grass gone yellow
Confidence in dyed hair and capes as long as wedding gowns
But less expensive
Doors that always seem to be locked and I'm wondering 20 year later what's behind them?
Albino animals
White thoughts as clouds or
Abstractions
Weathers nicer in Florida but who cares
Festivities this early in the day
Automatopeia
Do sad orphanages still exist?
Just like the movies
Midnight in mirrors
That sick puppet at the shoe shop used
To know how to really hammer it down
And now he's weak and forgotten
Never heard the words of a true prophet only Oceania
Or the private temple near Apollo Bay
Like Japanese gardens behind that gate
Will I ever see it
Make a proud example outta ya misbehavior
Form without function
Exhausted spiritualism
*** Kettle Black
negative photographs of dark rooms
And there's laughing coming from SOMEWHERE
Essays on kleptomania
Had a bad dream I became a cliche
Surrounded by other freaks and there was a lovely ***** I fell in love with her
We married in Oregon by the sea her name was rosy
***** rosy
Check your mailbox for nails
And what you don't wanna hear/
If you were a vegetable you'd be organic!
Empire
Satirical bubble gum
Satori
Linda Lovelace and her special party trick
That's someone's fantasy
Diamond in the rough
Mister guy with two black eyes frequents the adult playhouse
Hes fully stocked on fishnet leggings
He's too proud to put them on himself but
Has nobody else around
Boo hoo
Swigs back the whiskey and trips down the stairs getting a third black eye in the process
Marion came by with her dog the other day
Wanted her box of clothes back but he loved to sniff them to remember her
But she wouldn't have it

"Honey I'm going to call the police!"

"Ah they don't give a **** they have bigger things to worry about"

"Yeah you got that right shrimp **** enjoy my unwashed *******"

And she never came back again
He started losing the vertebrae in his spine 1 by 1 and you know where this is going
I won't say he was a poor man because he had it all coming to him the *******
But he coulda had a better start if you ask me.

It's difficult to remember
And even more difficult to forget
After the fact

Seagull opera
Giganticism
Portrait of the artist as a young man
Losing one's pencil when the best idea of your life drops down from heaven and into your sorry head
Signs graffitied to have funnier meanings
Cruelty
Impassive
The Loyal Lioness
And Bangladesh has too many kitchens
And not enough dishes
When I was young I used to say Island as "is-land"  
Which is true it is land
But the Europeans probably stole it from somebody else anyways/
I left my future behind
And objects in the mirror are closer than they appear
Im no illusionist
I'm terrified of the cracken
Father feels the same way about
Hotels
Why bother/
This has been going on and on for a while are you tired yet
Is your patience being tested
Mine isn't because this wasn't an all-at-once kind of rambling
It's extremely important to laugh at least
Once a day
Otherwise you'll find yourself a politician
In no time at all
Rockefeller
(         ) Quaint home to die in
I think
Trains create great music
Float on
Sink into yourself
Roses in a crooked alley
That's people
Busy busy busy busy
Let's describe a situationist
I'm not a fan of bright colors on clothes
Your best shade is blue
Bricklayers transcription of Don Quixote to a skyscraper
Rocket thyme
& Garden
Erratic children's
Insomnia
The doorbell repeatedly
Vancouver riots/ I saw that live on the news!
Pictionary with the surrealists
N Dada TV set MC Escher
Antenna
You're in the Twilight Zone now
Dear Ramona
I'm trying to make it up to you
With a brightness only seen when you're ready to see it so please for the love of God don't blame me when it's not appearing
The tapestry hidden
Keep your blankets clean
And avoid hospitals unless you're fine with fishbowls & the halogen
The water gestapo
Storage lockers full of unacted plays and
Antique microwaves
Emitting the nostalgia of the cold war era
And what a waste of time that was /
Walter Wanderleys presence in Autumn universities
The opening of Vivre sa Vie
Salvador Dali's pluvial taxi
Lightbulb epiphanies
Aquariums and their protestors
Zebras in the shade
Two wrongs dont make a right
Elizabethan theater
Saloon shootouts in a fever dream
I lost and bled out all over the rustic wooden floor
A maiden reached out for me and El Paso did play I woke up and pretended nothing happened/
Funerals for bad People who did bad things
My first memory of a cat beneath the mattress
Hello Dolly!
Auditory learning
Psychotherapy
Lillian the landlady lost her ladle and labeled little Lyle as a lair
The Black panther movement
Reading symposium some years ago and
Making note that Phaedo was still my favorite dialogue/
Zen Buddhism
Xoxo xoxo
The day Gypsies were replaced with
Surface ****** appetite
And not the real thing
Newspaper clippings
Hypnotism when all other options are out
Mystical visions of sidewalks
And the love of your life stepping through a door you've never seen
Maybe Yes No I Don't Know
Creature comforts
Che Guevara's problem is that his beard made him too easy to recognize
(Also that little hat!)
Chinese cough medicine didn't work
For long I still wheeze sometimes
Domestic violence thru the wall
Ceiling fan probably doesn't even work!
Dimpled laughter
Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
In skytrains to Commercial
Bermuda in her mind
And courtesy in her voice
I'm no Arthur Rimbaud
But you already knew that
Alcazar of Seville
Filling up the shipbottle
Here's your paradise
Now relinquish it as it is
False!
Hare Krishna
Nowhere Fast
El Diablo and the
Portofino loaf left rotting on the countertop
Latin children speak of the sacred viper
You'll hear of it after this but we'll never see what the ******* meant
Heads alternating round the social current
Of my lively city
There's a dog soaking up the rain
And songs are made in honor of
Recent catastrophes
Trials are dealt
Cards cast to the gutter
New York quiets down for the news of another war
You scratch my back I'll scratch yours
Skeleton key
Ballad of the last wailing zoo
THE ATRIUM
Complexity in simplicity
That's how Brainard got me!
Elderly overcoats
Hiding purest LSD
Is a fan of Hawaiian T shirts
And a communist
What if I was a Freemason
Or owned a tanning salon
Faint crimson
What did Marv look like again?
"You're surrounded by people who love you"
Coffee when one needs it
GOODBYE BLUE MONDAY
Tattoos on the wandering man
Oriental chimes and the people who own them
Bus stop regulars
Vines overtaking power lines
The hypnogogic state
Strawberry light softening
The mind
Sister Ray LOUDLY PROCLAIMING
doitdoitdoitdoit
Passing the graffiti n Pluto neon
Halal wide awake another Saturday
Where's the Karaoke
Flashing by here
Those who find comfort in a bridal scavenger hunt
Or expensive beer
And here comes the hooded clown
Clamoring about his favorite
Loudspeaker
Telling me my time is soon and the noise
Drowns out the drowsy bliss
After hour spirits the perfect time for
Writing and trying to read distant Chinese
Indecision on the tip of the tongue
"NOW WHO IS THAT KNOCKING
ON THE CHAMBER DOOR?
COULD IT BE THE POLICE?"

I'm completely off the topic
And into Apartment lobby photosets
Low battery phone calls
Confessions
Nauseated reverb
Trying to see the attachment people got with bingo halls
And moving companies
Ah no luck again
Eve is at it with her showtunes
Halfway methodology
Triage
Paisley headbands left
Distraught on the quivering
Heater
Dwindling sunsets
We're truly disciples of the moon spirit which grants us more energy
(This is according to a drunk I met one night)
Or ***** old men
When the horizon is engulfed with
A winking cinder
Suitcase at the door
Last time
First time
Magician never reveals his fetishes
(They all have to do with bags under your eyes)
Employment office dramas of my friend the one who blinded a social worker
And the one who blamed Islam
And the one whos philosophy entirely consisted of Spooky Action at a
                                            DISTANCE
Parisian riots
Queer youth
Didn't make the team! Jester
'cross the hall who's beard suggests
Ishmeal n car battery n expired vegetables n rain which crosses the line n
***** cranberry n
Poorly fitted suits n
Harsh pigment n incense shops n
Bocca     secret towns
With churches more beautiful than any you'd find in your own city
n the cultural market
Xylophone ear to ear
Soul cleansing starting at only
$89 (with a 6 month guarantee)
Sophie's birthday and her picnic at Victory Park
The nearby bums trying to sell tea mugs and
Loose wires beside gated convenience stores
I'm an Island away attempting a poem
And never bought a scratch n win
Or heard the same song more than seven times in a row or been in a column
Or escaped the washhouse
Invested in a birdcage for next year
Been to a palm reading
Visited Oasis
Smoked salmon
Told anyone else about Montana
Screamed the things I'd like to scream
** Word of the day
Or kissed a lunatic or swallowed the corpse of yesterday
I keep her on my neck until
I'm too anxious to let go
Counting streetlights
Jeans worn in and faded to be sent off to
A lonely caffeine addict
Christmas Eve I'll be reading a postcard from San Francisco
Asking the same questions
My imagination is made of a different material than last week
Now it's the same color as your hair
HEY that's a good pickup line to use in the heart of the Canadian Embassy
Drinking discarded music resembling a sweater you may have said YES to if it wasn't so unsure of itself
And now Mr. Acker Bilk ascends thru the window of an August home
Like a lazy hornet
I'm still lost without identification
Or a nice belt
As happens when one uses a quality item too casually
How did uphill suddenly seem so downhill?
I'll claim a waterfall
For SALE that inevitable Indonesia
Greyhound O another greyhound O another greyhound
I'm fretting too much about not enough
Delayed the Airport and the yellow question

????

II

What if I knew how to read the curb?
Or translate drunken droll
What if I was never tired again and could
REALLY do anything I set my mind to?
What if I was the first cigarette that cured cancer instead of caused it?
What if I could end superstition
And walk underneath any ladder I wanted?
What if I could make it with a young Audrey Hepburn!?
What if I stopped pretending to be a microphone and got on with "it"
What if the grocery store closed later
And I opened earlier?
What if parking lots werent so sad
All the time?
What if gravity simply had enough of exotic birds and specifics?
What if we stopped trying to recreate what is truly lost?
What if foreign children embraced
Wasting time instead of
Midnight starry bicycles
And the antics of a monk
Disguised as a romantic?

There are those that worship God
And those who worship the Sun
And those who worship nothing at all
But I suppose on the last bus
We're all the same exhausted
Voice who can't wait for next pay day
What is an empty bank?
Or authenticity
What is there to prove anymore?
I hope I don't die tonight and regret
Being impulsive for once
You're a smart shadow
And a dull character
Pushing the last of the daisies
Get the lamp to turn on again
Give the pavement something to look forward to with your walk
Be consistent in being inconsistent
If there's a word there's a ***** and a poem for it!
We all oughta worship
Nothing at all except
Clarity
Compassion with ones neighbor who either forgot the pay the electricity bill or couldn't afford to
We're a swimmin

I got all the things I need I still want problems though
I don't want to go to funerals, friends not even getting old and going out early
am I really a real person anymore? Self-destructive
so selfish, I know there's pictures of me smiling still
and the cargo pants pink polo craze you went through,
streets shining gold and I'm still red like a kite though
just skateboarded and landed in a new job modeling glow
I'm glad my phases had to go and I can't describe my life when asked
by my mom about it, just bought some clothes
so I can look bomb at the club but I keep that on the low
I just want to be burdened instead of being one
Want to be insecure about things because my mind is broken
got to stop seeing things the way they are and embrace the fold
I'm sending xoxo's anyways, step dad too, I'm undoing myself
even if I don't even want to lose things I don't have

The tapestry of alphabet, imagery of woven words

Textures of emotions felt, like plush and faux furs,

Yet having depth—a love with kinder, deeper oceans…

Let’s document these histories with poetry & verse.


X marks the land marks on the passport /maps

Of seven wonders that color our traveler lives like

XO sauce for our experiences getting bland.

Over & bored with texts, emoji your digital emotion, green clover.

This is not poetry.
I'm sorry to disappoint.
XXXX ** *** XXXXXX.
X'X XXXXX ** XXXXXXXXXX.
OOOO OO OOO OOOOOO.
O'O OOOOO OO OOOOOOOOOO.
This is not ironic. This is what we are.
xoxo

come at her like
Whats your name?
What you in to?
naw thats not ganna work
got to get those words that ganna get you
Thinkin Thinkin
hold you like the pedals i'll never bruise
Naw to deep thats way to soon
how can i do this
step up to the table like hello my name is Luis  
man im like ***** this
stressing to much thinking to far
gotta act quick before another dude raises the bar
I got it i got it i'll dance for her
naw got to think out the box
done thinkin ... i'll just wright a poem
Send her my thoughts.
End it with XOXO i like you a lot.

And Who Am I?
That's a secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me
xoxo
Gossip Girl

Do you love me back? I asked
Nay, she says.
Of that I am devoid, of that I truly lack

My love for you is like unto a dry riverbed.
All that lies therein is gone. All that lies therein is dead.

Did you ever love me? says I
Nay, she says
Nor ever will I, until the day we die

My love for you is like
unto a beaches sand
And as such has slipped right through my fingers, slipped right through my hands

Why did you ever say you loved me? I plead
Truly, says she
I abused you for my wants - your services I did need

My love for you was like unto a piggy bank
I take and take and take
But when you wanted a return on love
This piggy would just never break.

Its fine, my dear
I finally see
Your putrid love wasn't good enough for me

As my love for YOU was like unto a fine diamond ring
In spite of your decietfulness, my heart did truly sing

Nor did it ever wear and tear, or rust and rot and disappear.
Now I've learned that a love like yours
Is a love that I should truly fear

Its fine my dear,
The recompense for your twisted love draws near
A lesson in karma that you should truly fear

XoXo, My Dear

Here is the link to hear my poem "Genevieve of the Deep" in an audio form.

xoxo

https://soundcloud.com/nayokenza/a-visceral-collection-of-thoughts-genevieve-of-the-deep

first
let’s discuss
the girl in the other room

you know the one?
with the hair

who's wearing too much perfume

and those shoes              ha, those shoes!
you know?

her outfit's a costume




yeah, that's the one! the pants… they did make her look* (                                                 )
and her dye job?
heard it’s box

she has a **** job and botox

****, **** there she is



phew...


haaaaay girlfriend
I didn’t see you there!


your hair
is like
so gorgeous!
it's totally a win

and I
am like
SO JEALOUS
of your beautiful
skin!!!!

but could you be a doll
and go find my brother Pete?
I think he might be out front
finding parking in the street


ex…
oh…
ex…
oh…



she totally ****** Pete.

I know, she seems nice but trust me she’s a *****
her legs are always open boys they use her like a bank
I know I’ve slept with like eight guys
I think she’s been with more than ten
I know I cheated on my boyfriend but she totally ***** over men -

Pete! hey,



thanks, giiiirl… love ya!

ex…
oh…
ex…
oh…







so -ahem- this poem is called
*I Thought I Knew You...

When I was 5 ...
Your kerosene heater .. I hated that smell ..
Your snoring .. kept me awake at night ..
Bathtime .. my ears hurt when you cleaned them with the rough flannel ..
Bathing in the river .. I was ashamed to be naked like you ..
Your teeth .. in a glass scared me ..
You had no mercy .. when on the hunt for head lice ..

Now I'm 45 ..
You had no mercy .. relentless, you got them all ..
Your teeth .. I keep mine in a glass in the bathroom ..
Bathing in the river .. unrestricted & one with nature, I get it ..
Bathtime .. your ears do get *****, I use a rough flannel too ..
Your snoring .. any snoring reminds me of you ..
Your kerosene heater .. the whiff of kerosene, my strongest physical memory of you .. I think of you .. now I love the smell of kerosene ..

Every cherished memory of my Grandmother, no detail forgotten, I will always love you Nan XOXO

kissing is harmless,
it's when he's gripping your thighs and you've got your hand down his pants that it becomes dangerous.

you silly man,
you silly bibliophile..
you lover of green tea.
i never expected this to happen.
i never expected you to say
that you loved me.
i never did.

i'm not sure of
how you mean't it but
you see, i thought i loved you
earlier in the year...
and i do.

but, maybe not in the way you
expect it to be so.

you hurt like ache
and adderall
and arnica

you hurt like bruises
and battle scars
and broken bones

you hurt like cuts
and *******
and countryside

you hurt like death
and destruction
and die-hard

you hurt like electricity
and emergency rooms
and edit-undo

you hurt like *******'s
and fire
and fallen trees

you hurt like garbage cans
and gonorrhea
and gang ****

you hurt like hell
and holes in the road
and heartache

you hurt like israel
and illness
and ignition fumes

you hurt like jaundice
and jugular veins
and jack in the box

you hurt like karma
and kissing
and kerosine lamps

you hurt like lightning
and love
and literary terms

you hurt like mother
and mary
and moses

you hurt like nakedness
and nosebleeds
and nervous breakdowns

you hurt like oil spills
and old yeller
and oral quizzes

you hurt like parkinson's
and parties
and panic

you hurt like queens
and questions
and quantum physics

you hurt like rogaine
and roses
and rope burn

you hurt like solar power
and stomach aches
and ***

you hurt like teeth cleanings
and tar
and tobacco

you hurt like ulcers
and underwear
and unrequited love

you hurt like viruses
and venus fly traps
and vapor rub

you hurt like warning signs
and weight gain
and war

you hurt like x-rays
and x marks the spot
and xoxo

you hurt like your mom
and your dad
and you

you hurt like zig zags
and zero
and zip ties

*(a.m.c.)

I don't even know what to write, or say.
And for a person who has written so many poems,
on this site,
it is kind of unbelievable.

My first poetry anthology, "Wanderlust" - Sia Jane Lloyd
is now available via Amazon.

This place (Hello Poetry) has given me something I could never return or give words to.
Such acceptance, courage, love, belief, determination, inspiration...

Thank you for making me realise my dreams.
I couldn't have done it without you.

I love you all so so so much xoxo

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wanderlust-she-travels-her-mind/dp/1492952346/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid;=1392582925&sr;=8-1&keywords;=sia+jane+lloyd

xoxoxoxoxoxo

We're just a bunch of 90s babies, sniffing coke like it's the 1980s
In the night we're popping Molly like we're the ones that made it
Calling it a new summer of love, like this time was always fated
Making fun of everyone that isn't turnt, because we never waited
Leave the club with ratchet girls when the sun goes down much later
I'm just having my fun, why do you have to be a player hater?
The greatest generation has gone, do we have what it takes to be greater?
When the weekend romance ends, return to love thy mater and thy pater
xoxo, imagine being strung out on dank bud with the grand creator

too close
too near
too cold
too hot
too white
too dark
to me
to you
towards you
trembles me
tingles your cheek
tingles my lips
tempting it
trying it
tasted it
till the next kiss please

xoxo

I am NOT a size ZERO
My skin is spotted like a dalmatian
angel kisses and acne
My teeth are not pearl white
Chubby feet and lots to love legs.
Muscle is not defined
unmatched clothes cover my body
just a hint of mascara is found on my face.
rarely
My hair is not long and beautiful.
Choppy & Short
fingernails have chipped polish


I am the go to girl.
Not the: go to because she is so drop dead gorgeous girl

But the go to girl "because she knows everyone"

"She can hook me up with him/her" girl.

I will never be a size zero.
My hair may not cover my back and sway while I walk
My teeth are that awkward shade of in between almost looking perfectly white
I don't wear expensive clothes. Let alone match what I do wear.
My skin is far from being as smooth as a "babies ***"
My eyes have wrinkles around them already.
SO...

That does not mean in any way, shape, or form that I do not have a soul.

I have feelings.

My heart can only handle so much.

To the boy who laughed at me in the gym:

I am sorry that I do not have a perfect body that is "eye candy"

To the boy{s} who stole my heart, and then hit on my great friend:

I'm sorry I don't use large words and have an opinion on everything.
I'm sorry I am not a poetry goddess or have the ability to pull off wearing
red lipstick and scarves.

To the boy I hardly know in church:

I will NOT give you my roommates number
after you flirt with me to get it.

To all of the boys who look past me while I am walking next to ANY girl:

I'm sorry, I guess I really am not worth "your time"

&

To the boy, who will hold my hand and heart for the rest of, well {forever}:

Can you hurry up?
I am ready for someone to like that I don't plaster myself in powder
and stiffen my hair with hairspray everyday.
I am ready for you to love me for my thousands of small freckles covering my body.
I hope you can love me, unconditionally...
even though I am curvy.
I know you are out there somewhere.
And if I knew you now I would send you to beat up
all of those boys hurting my feelings.
Or just hearing how much you care for me,
that would help too.

I'll be waiting.
xoxo

Astonishing
Bewildering
Caring
Dissing
Educating
Fulfilling
Gravi­tating
Healing
Inspiring
Joking
Keeping
Loving
Motivating
Naming
­Organising
Praising
Quizzing
Restoring
Smiling
Trusting
Uplifting­
Varying
Willing
Xoxo-ing
Yelling
Zesting

I know the way our fingers have mingled;
I know our lips can play
and our eyes can trace the cross of
interlaced limbs.
But I wonder often
if our dreams, too
can ever weave just as so,
like branches of a tree
we somehow both envision.
Who knows?
But what marvelous dreams
could become if only
a twisting embrace
were our sleeping, drifting
minds.

Body to Body
So how are we so distant?
Your tongue it massage me,
But baby I can't feel nothing...

I wanna real love where your voice excites me over the phone.
And love is in the air when I step in the door.
Put your shirt on baby I don't have to see your naked body everytime you wanna cuddle.

I'm in love with you so tonight I wanna take it real slow..

the cozy nest i live upon is only a nest and only cozy with you in it
the serenity i feel is never a full cup of tea without you by my side
my hand is never quite okay without you in it
and my kitty is never quite satisfied without your tongue teasing it
my desire to achieve is not smothered by an essence of yours but only fueled even more
a beautiful morning is never quite as beautiful without your eyes looking too
not many things inflame my rage as much as the thought of you with another
and not to many things sooth my inner being the same way your look and touch does
and there is no other heart i would like mine sewn to forever and a decade than yours my love
xoxo

i havent written in weeks
normally that means i am too dismembered to even think
but this time it's different
this time is because i have nothing left to write
because i am happy
things are looking up
writing for me at least
is for the lows
the loyal friend that helps through the pain
so my friend
you'll hear from me when things get bad
so my friend
you'll hear from me soon

xoxo

It's hard to accept that we are
          not in control of what our heart feels

                      However

        We are solely responsible for our               action

Knowledge of the hearts wants can be used to manipulated and destroy

                        play safe

Opened not replied,
Stop eating your salad, fool,
Click send then eat ****

Four little letter
should not make
my heart jump

Cool stick to the rule
you can run but you can't hide
tic tac toe hero

With every heartbeat
Your voice grows fainter.
Silence
Tuning in on the crackles that murmur
From glass,
Gossamer threads of gray
Escape your lips,
Lacing through the streams of the moon;
   You mean nothing to me.
Let me show you what love is.
The world's real small today.
I can feel it melt pools in my arms;
  You mean nothing to me.
Hearing the hums of my ever shrinking universe;
   You mean nothing to me
            Absolutely nothing to me
                *Nothing at all

We can dance on yellow petals
Until they're red.
All of our lives we've been waiting
Who cares what God said
Waiting, waiting, waiting
Exactly sure of what we wanted
Vexed by time
Biology
Geography

I remember the wallpaper textures
I kept running my hand against it that next morning
I remember the bobbing sunflower heads outside
the doorwall
The peeling paint on the window sill
I most especially remember you -
All of my life I've wanted to do this

*Xoxo

Sometimes I lack feeling
I see a memory in my head and say "sadness and I were never friends"
but the truth is
Sadness and I were lovers
Tangled in sheets together
Sadness and I had pillow talk and night time kisses
Sadness knew every inch of my body
Sadness knew how to stick around
Sadness had a way of saying my name so sweet
but Sadness doesn't really touch me now... or not how it used to... Sadness seems far away like an estranged lover leaving at the end of august
Sadness feels like it's behind a piece of glass either as painting held behind a museum display case
or
as the figure I see through the local coffee shop window
Sadness doesn't sink into bed with me anymore already undressed Sadness doesn't look deeply into my eyes and say "I'm yours forever anymore"
Sadness doesn't touch my skin and melt into me anymore
Sadness doesn't send me perfumed love letters with personalized stationary anymore
Sadness and I don't speak much anymore
So yes sadness and I were lovers
but were sadness and I ever really friends?

Born He,
Discovered She within,
Express her, teased, laughed at, pain,
Hide, act like the other little boys,
Smile, battle the pain, just be happy.
She moves within the shadows.

A shimmer of light, home alone,
A chance to grow, express her,
Caught, rejected, pain,
Hide, act like the other young men,
Smile, battle the pain, just be happy.
She moves within the shadows.

Married, wife, children, life is wonderful,
Baseball, Barbies, basketball, XOXO
Hide, act like the other husbands/dads,
Smile, battle the pain, just be happy.
She moves within the shadows.

Marriage issues, stress, depression,
Open up, wife confused, sad, sicken,
Rejected, pain, world collapsing,
Hide, act like the other husbands/dads,
Smile, battle the pain, just be happy.
She moves within the shadows.

Divorce on the horizon, feels like death,
Pain, hide, be strong in front of kids,
Smile, battle the pain, just be happy.
She moves within the shadows.

Seek help, Jesus, therapy, Trinity UMC,
Strong growing support, acceptance,
Others with pain, be Her,
Smile, battle the pain together, finding happiness.
She moves slightly out of the shadows.

Divorce still on the horizon, still feels like death,
Kids all young adults, happy, healthy, informed,
Out to them, accepted, love I've only dreamed of,
Smile, battle the pain together, finding happiness.
She moves out of the shadows a little more.

To Be Continued . . .