"ruiner" poems
Dear ************
This is the hateful letter. This is the one in which I tell you how much of a ******** you are and how I am so much better off without you, so thanks for leaving me. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. This is where I tell you that you’re an idiot if you ever thought I depended on you for my self-worth, because I don’t need you for validation, and I never have. I was trucking along just fine before you came along, and will continue to do so without you, so you can go **** yourself.
This is the part where I call you a ******* for saying all those things you said. If you weren’t trying to hurt me, you must be an idiot to think that it was a good idea to say what you did. I’ll tell you that it ****** me off to realize that you obviously didn’t know me as well as I thought you did. It ****** me off that our communication was clearly not functioning like it should have been.
And I’ll tell you how ******* livid it makes me that you just sat there and thought and thought and ******* thought about this while I was still writing ******* poems for you. I am angry at how oblivious I was, which I also blame on you. I blame you for being so introspective and quiet, for needing to think important issues through in your head, only with yourself, before you can voice them, and I am angry because you thought and thought and ******* thought and made a decision that was logical from the inside of your head and you were confused by my reaction because, surprise! Owen’s-head-logic is not the same as Katie-is-being-broken-up-with-logic. And that’s where your speech faltered, where I stopped saying the lines that you wrote for me in your script, and that’s when all of those stupid words came tumbling out of your stupid head and things continued to not go as planned and it all eventually cumulated in this: zero contact. I know it’s not what you wanted but you’re a ******* If you were smarter about it, we may still have been talking, but you said all of the exact wrong things. So I am angry at you for hurting me with your idiotic words, but I am also angry at you for pushing me away. I may have liked to still be talking to you, but all of the **** that came out of your mouth just ruined whatever chance we could have had, so way to go. You are a ruiner - and so concludes the part where everything is always your fault.
This is the part where I understand where you’re coming from, I would have broken up with me too if I were you, I know it’s hard for you to put your words together sometimes, I know your (brutal) honesty only comes from a place of love, I know you love me, I know you miss being my friend…and so on.
That last section makes me sadder than I am willing to be at this point, so I think I’ll stick with anger for the time being and you can **** my nonexistent **** ************
Your Ex-Girlfriend.
Jun 22, 2010
Jun 22, 2010 at 6:33 PM UTC
‘it’s possible to love her
even after all of this’
pills
needles into arms
spoons with burnt bottoms
passed out on the floor
drooling
skinny
starving
convulsing
i knew when you
lied about being over it
you were still skinny
i saw the needle marks
in the crook of your elbow
i saw the spoons
in the back of the drawer
i knew when you
made me go home so soon
your dealer was also your affair
your husband, your ex lover
your ex life, the opposite of living
you’re dying
you are dying and it is your fault
and i have run out of empathy
yes it is a disease
yes it starts as a choice
yes
you were depressed
but you still
you.
you said.
“who cares i want to die anyway
who cares i’ll ruin my body
my brain my
relationships
my life”
the hope has left your eyes
what’s it like to look up to a destroyer
what’s it like to love a broken woman
what’s it like to watch the progression
the regression
the walking backwards
one step forward but if you say
“just one more time”
it’s 5 steps back
10 steps back
20
30
the cut is deeper
the scars are darker
and you are gone.
what’s it like
to admire an addict
to be denied what you had
to be ignored
questions go unheard
“where have you been?
is everything okay?
i miss you.”
you see the inevitable
you hope it turns out different
you hope she is the one in a million
to miss a ruiner
to cry over the loss
to realize that
you distanced yourself for this exact reason
it is sickening
and you ask
“what if”
but “what if”
isn’t
“what is”
so you vow to never go down that path
so you pray you will break the cycle
so you progress
one step at a time.
Sep 5, 2018
Sep 5, 2018 at 9:07 PM UTC
Creating
that fallacious intimacy
wrapped
arm around arm
with a nameless
body.
It's easy to get
temporary satisfaction
from it.
Even though
you're chilled
and hollow inside.
The want
of not being lonely
can be too strong.
Keeping up
the exhausting task
of costant contact.
Never really
developing
a bond deeper
than physical sedation
can tire out.
It will ash away
as soon as you move
an inch
in that position
which is holding
unstably present.
Distance
would be the ruiner
of that
shallow fantasy.
But...
to be hundreds
of miles and moments
away from someone.
To be
alone and removed
from the one
who you have
a real, unrelenting
connection with.
To know
you are singular
in that very moment
but not unsupported.
Having them
somewhere you're not,
holding onto your
spiritual thread.
To achieve real
intimate foundation
in knowing the body
doesn't have to tie you
together.
That's an ember that,
when set to breathe,
engulfs you both.
Understanding
and feeling comfort
that when surrounded
by faces
and being unknown to them
is alright.
Since
that person
who lingers in your mind
Is a whisper
off your lips
and is there
in that place you
left them.
They've penetrated inside
that fortress of caution
and self-preservation and
they get you.
They are there,
hidden
and carried with you.
With their hands
cradling and cherishing
your heart
like the treasure
it is.
The enormous responsibility.
To be
the keeper of
warmth and familiarity
and home.
Even though
being separated
from one another
you are reminded of what
exists between you.
By
concentrating and honing
in on the weight
which lives
there.
That love
and loyalty
and equal respected commitment
to take care of what
the other is given.
The total
vulnerable
surrender of
yourself.
That is something
worth wanting.
That is something
to daydream for.
That...
is what we all
crave.
© NDHK
Oct 30, 2012
Oct 30, 2012 at 1:10 PM UTC
Illness
Sickness
Disease
Lets not sugarcoat the truth
Curse
Life Ruiner
Murderer
That is more like it
Cancer had found it's way
and planted a home
Right. In. My. Mothers. Throat.
Putting a hold on her life
on my fathers
my grandmothers
my brothers
mine.
Now out of her throat
and out of her life
she struggles with recovery
and is left to pick up the pieces
this heartless, cruel, monster
has left behind.
Cancer had finally found a new home
my home
Because even when it is gone..
It is never really gone.
Jun 18, 2014
Jun 18, 2014 at 10:37 AM UTC
she is the kind of a girl who is keen,
like a foxglove flower that i've never seen,
beautiful and elegant on its looks,
but seems to be very poisonous.
a bell-shaped highly toxic flower,
a life ruiner and a happiness killer,
a flower that is very dangerous,
that love requires you to be very cautious.
she can cause irregular heart function,
severe pain and hallucination,
that's the reason why it's hard to love,
a girl that's like a foxglove.
Aug 17, 2017
Aug 17, 2017 at 9:41 AM UTC
The bad memories flood my head, but i know now that I can pull the drain plug
It all goes swirling;
a tasteless tornado
an H20 hurricane
a liquid life ruiner
I know that water is that vital, but these fluid fragments wont provide me any good if I drink them back up
So, I drain the bad memories and drink up the good ones
and **** they go down easy like cold water
Jul 8, 2015
Jul 8, 2015 at 3:47 PM UTC
**** man, how are you
going to get out of
this one?
I guess you are going to have to tell the truth.
But some people do not want the truth
some cannot give the truth to certain loved ones,
others believe that the truth is what must be spoken in every word.
But its like walking back down the mouth of the cave,
to the prisoners still shackled, watching shadows, and trying to explain the sun and the trees.
I would have better luck
trying to
**** this wall
than trying to get you to
understand something
which seems so obvious
to
anyone,
everyone,
but you.
Maybe we are wrong,
maybe you are an enlightened one, come to save our poor wretched souls.
But that seems highly unlikely dear, for you are far too selfish,
and shallow,
and oblivious to reason and accountability.
A line has been crossed,
that which has been done cannot be undone.
But are you so ******* arrogant
that you think you
are not worthy of forgiveness?
Do you think
your crime is
so bad you are beyond redemption?
You think you have leverage, but your fulcrum is weak and I am persistent and voracious.
The ruiner,
your precious
little nickname for me,
carries more significance
than the
destruction
of your
sweet honeycunt, darling.
You never should have given me that stupid ******* painting.
I have known what a vile creature you are since the moment I laid eyes on it and I have carried that knowledge with me.
You forget how intuitive and analytical I am. You forget how well I read your every glance and subtle body gesture. You forgot how much smarter I am than you.
Your inconsistencies make sense now,
now that I have accepted you as a liar.
Your patterns are predictable,
which makes your ********
so much
easier
to tolerate.
My sweet little liar.
I love you the most, baby.
Jun 14, 2012
Jun 14, 2012 at 8:54 PM UTC
I'm leaning on a crutch
to help me stay tall.
Slender, tall mind
Short, fat heart.
Eyelids: much like the mind
(a projector screen for my dreams)
When I speak,
I read the scripts of the movies;
whatever movies I've been watching.
Subconsciously, all conversation is a mere recap,
a synopsis of the film I watched the night before.
A real spoiler to the listener. I'm a movie ruiner.
I'm the only one who sees the works that I spoil.
Thank god for that.
Disclaimer: I just spoiled a movie for you.
Dec 10, 2012
Dec 10, 2012 at 6:35 PM UTC
These people
They do not even see me.
they are blind to me
I am not invisible
I walk by them
I see them
they don't see me
they look away
look at the floor
they look around
they look anywhere
but my eyes
which is fine
for if they did
they would see
the eyes of a madman
a lover
a father and a brother
a ***** hobo
a ragged lonely nomad
a slave
a tree climber
a ruiner
a fighter
a healer
a *****
They would see centuries upon centuries of amber and curry and garlic and sand and bones
If they dared
to step a little closer
they would smell the *** and soil of a thousand worlds
the blood
the ****
the tears
of a million little girls and boys left in my wake
lilies and lilacs and roses and daffodils would mix with
mangoes and dragons blood
and sweaty lust.
I am Love and I walk among you.
Jul 12, 2012
Jul 12, 2012 at 8:45 PM UTC
With a dry mouth and bound feet,
I ponder your undoing.
Seeing you
reduced to a quivering mass
of gellied flesh
is going to make me feel quite satisfied.
Quite satisfied indeed.
I won't be worried about who is right or wrong.
I won't be thinking of egos and consequences.
My mind is made up
and some beatings are in order.
I will have one goal and that
is to inflict pain and suffering
on you and your entire family.
Every last stinking one of you fat stupid *****
You see, you think you know me, and you are correct. You do. You know me better than most.
You don't know this part.
You have never seen what I am capable of,
what I have done.
You know not the lengths of great
personal sacrifice I will endure
just to see you bleed,
************
I will stew
and brood
and contemplate
and daydream about
your mouth caving
under my fists.
*****
I'm going to take
what little manhood
you have left
and completely destroy
everything left to do with it.
Nothing can save you,
my mind is made up.
You have no hope.
I don't have to wonder
if I will see you,
I will.
Be ready to bleed.
My mind is made up.
Nothing can save you.
Apr 19, 2013
Apr 19, 2013 at 7:55 PM UTC
These people
They do not even see me.
they are blind to me
I am not invisible
I walk by them
I see them
they don't see me
they look away
look at the floor
they look around
they look anywhere
but my eyes
which is fine
for if they did
they would see
the eyes of a madman
a lover
a father and a brother
a ***** hobo
a ragged lonely nomad
a slave
a tree climber
a ruiner
a fighter
a healer
a *****
They would see centuries upon centuries of amber and curry and garlic and sand and bones
If they dared
to step a little closer
they would smell the *** and soil of a thousand worlds
the blood
the ****
the tears
of a million little girls and boys left in my wake
lilies and lilacs and roses and daffodils would mix with
mangoes and dragons blood
and sweaty lust.
I am Love and I walk among you.
May 23, 2012
May 23, 2012 at 2:47 PM UTC
The heaviness of my eyes reminds me
Why I don't write your name anymore
There is too much time wasted on someone
Who walks through my life
And leaves all their **** for me to clean up
Leaves their life for me to fix
And if you really cared about me
You wouldn't blatantly disregard everything I say
I'm attempting to string pretty word together
To describe how I felt in those moments
But all I want to say is
You're a parasitic *******
You're a egotistical self pitying child
You're a reliable day ruiner
You're unapologetic in the worst way possible
And I have no more pretty words for you
Congratulations
You burned me out
You took the last shred of hope I had for you
And threw it way
Then washed it down with that first shot
I no longer believe you will be ok
I don't think you will ever be ok
And I just have one more thing to say about you...
You're a ****
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 8:37 PM UTC
I can’t draw you with words,
but the color of your eyes
can be aptly describes
with the hues of cornflower
and Persian blue.
The sketches of your laughter
cannot be drawn or seen,
but the drawers in my head
can be pulled out
and see, your smile repeats itself!
Time spent with you
will fly away in the wind
but by the lamplit flow of words
my minutes spent on you
will stick to these pages and dry into
constantly blooming memories.
So my dear,
even when you’re far away
bent over the nuances of a fishing hook,
this little notebook will hold the scraps of time
I’ve kept pressed inside
preserving the moments like cats in formaldehyde.
Mar 27, 2015
Mar 27, 2015 at 11:17 PM UTC
You are alive
Yet not at all, it seems
As though you are of living dead
A skull with a beating heart
Dreams of death, despair, decay
Surround you in your passings
I feel them as you go on your way
And look on with helpless wonder
How did you create yourself
The way you are
Born from golden promise.
Now known as the ruiner of tradition,
An iconoclast of her own
In the negative connotation.
You are elusive
Futile
Miserable.
Each breath you take should be
A nicotine filled dream
For why breath free if you're already dead.
I encourage you no more to live,
I ask you to relent
You're strangled by the joy of life
And happiness is your cancer.
Goodbye, once friend I knew so well
I know you no more and
For that I say
Goodbye to the living dead.
Jun 20, 2013
Jun 20, 2013 at 9:39 PM UTC
Some people are pig headed,
Others are good for nothing,
Losers, Jerks, ******** etc.
But you, you're more than all of that,
Or should I say, less.
You don't even deserve to be called anything,
You are nothing to me,
Except the ruiner of all things good and holy,
A destroyer of innocence.
I hate you.
Sep 26, 2014
Sep 26, 2014 at 4:30 PM UTC
I'm still waiting for this hurt to go away. I'm waiting for the day when I can look in the mirror and not want to shatter it. For the day that I can go to a store with turning to every mirror and looking at my body, utterly disgusted. I'm waiting for the day where I don't want to take the silver pen that draws in red to my skin. I thought it was here.. I thought I was better. I was eating normally. But then is tried on the scale.. What an evil thing. A ruiner. When will I get off this track? I'm growing tired of this journey. But maybe I'll fly off it before I have the chance to hope off onto safe groun-
Good morning.
The sun is shining.
And you are in the clouds.
Welcome home.
Apr 1, 2014
Apr 1, 2014 at 1:38 AM UTC
I am a ruiner,
As I gasp for breath,
Heaving my lungs
Desperatly trying to pull upwards
I latch onto you,
Everyone close to me,
Trying just to get to air,
And instead,
I drown you with me
And I'm sorry
But I'm not an Angel
I'm not even lovable,
All I ever do is hurt,
And break,
And ruin.
Sep 7, 2021
Sep 7, 2021 at 12:10 AM UTC
First, If I'm outside losing my **** and you say you're going to do something. To help you don't just say I don't feel good anymore or I need to sleep or you're overreacting, I know I'm FUCJING overreacting that's why I need you for ***** sake. Second, I'd like to give a shoutout to the security guard who put **** in perspective for me tonight. Okay so there I was on the 5th floor, my rooms on the first floor so Yes I walked up 4 floors at 12:30, and as I'm up there stumbling around breaking down I hear a mans voice say hey bud what in gods name are you doing. And I tell him the truth I'm walking around cause i feel like **** I feel worthless and I just want stuff to be done. I don't know why or how I confided in him but that doesn't matter because I'll never see him again. He walked up to me and said look I'm here because someone called and said there's a teenage boy out here walking around by the ledge of the top of a building so I came out. And he said look if you're thinking of doing anything don't because all these people payed a lot of money to come here and if you were to happen to end up as a splat down there, it would be a hell of a vacation ruiner for them and I know that sounds bad but sometimes you just have to **** it up for other people cause if you can help others be happy it's worth it. Then he said goto bed and i went back to my room and my friend mel told me we can't be friends anymore. So I'm back out here cause **** those people if I want to jump and **** myself their happiness will have no effect on that and if I don't post by 12 tomorrow afternoon I did jump. So if this is goodnight all sleep tight and live your life the best you can. And to my family **** you for every insult and rude comment you've said to me and dad I guess I am just a big old ******* disappointment after all.
Aug 3, 2014
Aug 3, 2014 at 1:27 AM UTC
Reluctant subject,
I nervously peered at
your kind lens as you clicked
I must have shut my eyes
The sun is so harsh anyway, I thought,
or given that crooked, half-hearted smile
that I usually end up with
Helpless photo-ruiner,
I gazed in surprise at the beauty
staring back at me,
And saw what you see in me
and fall in love with, everyday,
Looking at myself through your eyes,
I quietly realised,
It was your photograph's grace
Apr 20, 2016
Apr 20, 2016 at 7:58 AM UTC
i’m pretty tired of beautiful things
looking so small in my hands
my worn, tender hands
they want to finally become the home
of things that my severity can’t crush
i am a ruiner in my own right
it’s just that i really only ruin
what is just out of reach
i’m not a confrontational fellow
i let myself get pushed to the ground
and i get up without a word
never demand an apology because
it was my fault that i was ever in the way
i rarely sleep when it’s dark out
when everyone is asleep
there’s no one to treat me harshly
and stare as i lose myself in another round
and another photo
and another song lyric
i’m so pretentious
this poem doesn’t even mean anything
i’m excited for sunday
as excited as i can be after
19 years of learning to be let down
i’m embarrassed to say that i gave up
before there was anything to give
i’d give that little number in the mirror
the entire world
if she’d just tell me
she loves me too.
Aug 17, 2018
Aug 17, 2018 at 7:17 AM UTC
I have all these desires
Wrecking my steady mind
To correct all that is broken
If it means ruining a life
Some of us need to be broken down
To be ripped at our very core
To be torn into a thousand pieces
And left without any hope
Some of us deserve nothing
Insurmountable tragedy till the end
I want to be the ruiner
To expel those who can’t comprehend
There is no reason for your pitiful life
If you cannot think for yourself
You are nothing and you are nobody
And no one can help
Insanity is drawn to me
By the healing energy I exude
I love with all of my heart
Like I have nothing to lose
I wish that I could shut it off
And learn to hate and ruin
Instead I listen to all of the chatter
And give in to the illusion
There is nothing I want to heal for anyone
I'd rather leave it all behind
I don’t want to be what I am either
I'd rather watch everything die
Feb 24, 2016
Feb 24, 2016 at 6:31 PM UTC
Missing the bus and
Being late for work
Is the #1 day ruiner of all time.
Dec 21, 2012
Dec 21, 2012 at 11:32 AM UTC
You, you're like a raven
With a heart as black as coal
How could I love you when I know what you are like
You break my heart and tear it till it bleeds
You you're a heart breaker a soul taker and a life ruiner
Dec 8, 2014
Dec 8, 2014 at 12:02 PM UTC
Où vas tu, toi, humain pressé ?
Qui es tu réellement ?
Pourquoi tant d'agitation ?
Pourquoi tant d'excitation ?
Pour qui vies-tu ?
Pour toi, ou pour les autres ?
Vies-tu pour ton propre plaisir ?
Agis tu en fonction du regard des autres ?
Pourquoi travailles-tu ?
Tu veux de l'argent ?
Pour en faire quoi ?
L'épargner, le garder, le dépenser, te ruiner ?
«Tu sais, je vais te dire un secret,
Moi je suis le vent.
Mon instinct, mes passions,
Mon inconscient me guident,
Et me ramènent toujours aux prémices de mon existence.»
Que connais-tu de toi-même ?
Que connais tu des plaisirs de la vie ?
A quoi penses-tu en voyant la joie chez les autres ?
Et que te dis tu en voyant ton propre malheur ?
N'as-tu pas mieux à faire ?
N'y a-t-il pas des rêves que tu n'as jamais pu accomplir ?
Alors permets moi de te le demander,
Qu'attends-tu de la vie, toi, humain pressé ?
Jun 9, 2017
Jun 9, 2017 at 1:55 PM UTC
So now you look like you've got it all figured out right?
So now you finally found someone who you're not afraid to love right?
I stand in the corner
Hands wrapped around my chest
Because you're the one that taught me that my very best
Just wasn't good enough.
You told me someday I'll find someone to love me just like I loved you
You said they won't lie to me the way that you do
You said someday, someone
But never you.
Now I stand in the corner
And you're acting like you can't see me right?
At one point I was the only person you spoke to all day
Now you didn't even wish me on my birthday
I'm trying to make sense of love and why I always get the shortest string
Why boys line up at the door just to get a taste
& then spit me out the minute it's no longer a chase
I'm not trying to play these love games
I don't want their cheap compliments
I don't want the hand holding without the heart holding.
Why does it feel like I'm always begging him to love me
But at the same time telling him don't bother trying to trust me
And I'm not saying I've got it all figured out
In fact I'm way past falling apart
I just wanna know why your heart got spared when you were the one who ruined mine
How someone can love the ruiner
But not the ruined.
Why you got to walk away from this mess that I've become
This mess that you made
This mess that's not a mess at all
And now cause you couldn't love it
I won't let anyone else even try.
Feb 5, 2017
Feb 5, 2017 at 2:00 PM UTC