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"ponytails" poems
When I was just a little girl, And as little girls were taught then, I played with dolls and a teaset, Made mudcakes for food, Wore skirts, made my hair into ponytails as I was let. I saw the boys with the abandon which comes with free wear and play, And I thought to myself, why am I a girl. When I was older, a teen and as teen girls were taught then, Walk, talk, rock softly Don’t draw too much attention Or attempt to explore too much. I saw the boys then with the abandon which comes with freedom to play, sit, be as they want , And I thought to myself, why am I a girl. When I was sixteen, oh sweet sixteen, And as sixteen year old girls were taught then, Don’t wear clothes that show your frame, That’s indecent and you will be in another home and will incur alot of blame. Don’t wander, argue, or express an opinion, You’re a girl, being humble, quiet and gentle becomes you. I saw the boys then with the abandon which comes with freedom of movement and speech, And I thought to myself, why am I a girl. When I was older, and passionately sought a particular career, I was admonished as many other girls in my time, It’s not a career for women, late nights, more men to be around, When you get married, that’s not going to work and troubles will abound. I saw the boys then with the abandon which comes with the freedom of pursuing their dreams, And I thought to myself, why am I a girl. When I was married, and setting a home, working and raising a family, I left my work as many other girls in my time, For my husband to follow his work path, Unquestioningly, unflinchingly, resolutely. I saw the men then with the abandon which comes with freedom of being in control of their lives, And I thought to myself, why am I a girl. But this is just the surface of my questioning being a girl, When boys and men around tried their stunts on girls and women, I questioned my existence. When many girls and women I know, Were told to stay mum on men close who took advantage of them I questioned my existence. When In the workspace, Women got paid less than men because their salary were subtly looked at as secondary salaries, Or needed to speak louder to be heard, I questioned my existence. When the onus of keeping a relationship working was the woman’s responsibility largely, I questioned my existence. When a woman got hit by her spouse, Its she who may have provoked him. When a man strayed, Its she who was not a good enough wife that he had to look elsewhere. I questioned my existence. The atrocities many men are capable of, The filth many men spread, **** hate, aggression, manipulation and more Abuse, gaslighting inside closed doors, Wearing a mask of sophistication outside Animalistic and entitled beings to the core. My apologies to men who are not, And I know some, But they are but a handful, Too insignificant in the larger way the world works. But then I see me, A harbinger of change, In my home and around. Raising my son differently, Advocating for change purposively, Actioning resolutely what’s right, Woman for women with all my might. I see so many more women now who retain their selves and are beacons of hope, They don’t sit around and just mope. And I am glad I am a girl, And I question no more, I question no more.
0
Feb 16, 2020
Feb 16, 2020 at 4:28 AM UTC
I AM A GIRL
When I was just a little girl, And as little girls were taught then, I played with dolls and a teaset, Made mudcakes for food, Wore skirts, made my hair into ponytails as I was let. I saw the boys with the abandon which comes with free wear and play, And I thought to myself, why am I a girl. When I was older, a teen and as teen girls were taught then, Walk, talk, rock softly Don’t draw too much attention Or attempt to explore too much. I saw the boys then with the abandon which comes with freedom to play, sit, be as they want , And I thought to myself, why am I a girl. When I was sixteen, oh sweet sixteen, And as sixteen year old girls were taught then, Don’t wear clothes that show your frame, That’s indecent and you will be in another home and will incur alot of blame. Don’t wander, argue, or express an opinion, You’re a girl, being humble, quiet and gentle becomes you. I saw the boys then with the abandon which comes with freedom of movement and speech, And I thought to myself, why am I a girl. When I was older, and passionately sought a particular career, I was admonished as many other girls in my time, It’s not a career for women, late nights, more men to be around, When you get married, that’s not going to work and troubles will abound. I saw the boys then with the abandon which comes with the freedom of pursuing their dreams, And I thought to myself, why am I a girl. When I was married, and setting a home, working and raising a family, I left my work as many other girls in my time, For my husband to follow his work path, Unquestioningly, unflinchingly, resolutely. I saw the men then with the abandon which comes with freedom of being in control of their lives, And I thought to myself, why am I a girl. But this is just the surface of my questioning being a girl, When boys and men around tried their stunts on girls and women, I questioned my existence. When many girls and women I know, Were told to stay mum on men close who took advantage of them I questioned my existence. When In the workspace, Women got paid less than men because their salary were subtly looked at as secondary salaries, Or needed to speak louder to be heard, I questioned my existence. When the onus of keeping a relationship working was the woman’s responsibility largely, I questioned my existence. When a woman got hit by her spouse, Its she who may have provoked him. When a man strayed, Its she who was not a good enough wife that he had to look elsewhere. I questioned my existence. The atrocities many men are capable of, The filth many men spread, **** hate, aggression, manipulation and more Abuse, gaslighting inside closed doors, Wearing a mask of sophistication outside Animalistic and entitled beings to the core. My apologies to men who are not, And I know some, But they are but a handful, Too insignificant in the larger way the world works. But then I see me, A harbinger of change, In my home and around. Raising my son differently, Advocating for change purposively, Actioning resolutely what’s right, Woman for women with all my might. I see so many more women now who retain their selves and are beacons of hope, They don’t sit around and just mope. And I am glad I am a girl, And I question no more, I question no more.
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73
my hair is falling out more-- i don't quite understand why. could it be the food I've been eating-- or lack thereof. am i pulling too hard on my ponytails-- or yanking too tightly while twisting my braids. can it be the stress of my final days of school-- or all the assignments still marked in red. possibly the ache in my heart for him-- or the rage simmering in my chest. maybe it's simply symptoms of *** or just my mind pressing buttons at random. would it be because of my anxiety flowing over-- or the jitters from my morning cup of coffee. funny if I've been tearing at my scalp in my sleep-- or clawing the demons from my dreams.
0
Aug 17, 2021
Aug 17, 2021 at 10:39 PM UTC
maybe it's telogen effluvium--
I want summer like I want you, constantly. I’m tired of cold that snatches my breath and hope. I want the trees to regain their decency and cover their bare limbs. Wearing the greenest fullest blouses. I want the grass to grow. Thunder to roll and rain to fall. I want fat drops to bounce of the pavement, to wash my face and hair. I want the sun to bath my skin in beauty, making it glow with warmth. I want dresses and shorts and skirts. I want brown legs and flip-flops. I want turquoise pools and florescent swimsuits. I’m sick of cold fingers and toes. I’m tired of heaters and blankets. I want to roll down the windows. I want sweat on my back and only sheets on my bed. I’d love warm nights, drinking sweet tea, and making love beneath the stars. I wish for glowing street lights and lake nights. I want to sit in the windows of cars at sonic. I want barbeque sunflower seeds and the fourth of July. I want field parties with only beer and red bull, and only bonfires to see by. I want fireflies and chigger bites. Lemonade out of mason jars. I miss cotton, and sandals. I miss volleyball, ***** feet, and ponytails. But what I miss most about summer is freedom. Those summer night driving under an endless sky of stars.
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Aug 17, 2010
Aug 17, 2010 at 11:54 AM UTC
The Importance of Summer
Fay was waiting for me at the top of Meadow Row I was on my way home from school -I'd walked home as I’d spent my fare money on doughnuts that morning- she looked agitated her blonde hair was in two ponytails her eyes looked red as if she'd been crying thought I’d missed your bus she said no I walked I said what's up? she took my hand and we walked down Meadow Row walking past the bomb sites and the ruins of other houses   I’ve lost my rosary she said I can't find it what's a rosary? I asked a crucifix with beads I showed you the other week O that bead thing so what's the problem? can't you buy another? it was my grandmother's old one well buy her another one I said I can't she died last year well she won't need it then will she I said she stopped but Daddy will want to know why I lost it and then he'll go off the deep end   and I know he'll punish me and it wasn't my fault she began to cry and I didn't know what to say or do where do you keep it? I asked in my coat pocket so it's handy if I want to use it and it's not there now? she shook her head and put her hand in the pocket of her coat is that the coat you always wear? she nodded what about Sundays? she looked at me today's Monday maybe you left it in your coat you wear on Sundays I said she looked at me with reddened eyes of course I forgot it must be in my Sunday coat from yesterday let's go find out I said but what if Daddy's there? so what? I said he doesn't like me being with you because you're not a Catholic I’ll wait outside on the balcony if he is I said so we walked up Meadow row and crossed over Rockingham Street and up the slope and into the Square and along to the flats and up the concrete staircase to her parent's flat which was above where I lived she knocked and her mother let her in and I stood on the balcony looking into the Square after 5 minutes or so she opened the door smiling and said it was in my Sunday coat all the time and she kissed my cheek I knew then I’d not wash that area of my face the whole week.
0
May 26, 2015
May 26, 2015 at 4:23 AM UTC
FAY'S MISPLACED ROSARY 1960
Fay was waiting for me at the top of Meadow Row I was on my way home from school -I'd walked home as I’d spent my fare money on doughnuts that morning- she looked agitated her blonde hair was in two ponytails her eyes looked red as if she'd been crying thought I’d missed your bus she said no I walked I said what's up? she took my hand and we walked down Meadow Row walking past the bomb sites and the ruins of other houses   I’ve lost my rosary she said I can't find it what's a rosary? I asked a crucifix with beads I showed you the other week O that bead thing so what's the problem? can't you buy another? it was my grandmother's old one well buy her another one I said I can't she died last year well she won't need it then will she I said she stopped but Daddy will want to know why I lost it and then he'll go off the deep end   and I know he'll punish me and it wasn't my fault she began to cry and I didn't know what to say or do where do you keep it? I asked in my coat pocket so it's handy if I want to use it and it's not there now? she shook her head and put her hand in the pocket of her coat is that the coat you always wear? she nodded what about Sundays? she looked at me today's Monday maybe you left it in your coat you wear on Sundays I said she looked at me with reddened eyes of course I forgot it must be in my Sunday coat from yesterday let's go find out I said but what if Daddy's there? so what? I said he doesn't like me being with you because you're not a Catholic I’ll wait outside on the balcony if he is I said so we walked up Meadow row and crossed over Rockingham Street and up the slope and into the Square and along to the flats and up the concrete staircase to her parent's flat which was above where I lived she knocked and her mother let her in and I stood on the balcony looking into the Square after 5 minutes or so she opened the door smiling and said it was in my Sunday coat all the time and she kissed my cheek I knew then I’d not wash that area of my face the whole week.
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120
He runs with unbridled joy And eats every biscuit that he licks His eyes light up with every new toy ‘Twas a beautiful world and he was just six. Learning to make friends at school Coloring books, catching crooks Pulling ponytails, breaking rules Big eyes that mesmerize with every look. Everything was beautiful bliss But soon this peace was destroyed His innocence was robbed starting with an unwanted kiss And the soul became cold, dark and void. The evil one dimmed his happy fire And unsparingly exploited his vulnerability Used his body for evil desire Repeatedly ***** him most ruthlessly. That boy with the spark in his eyes is gone Salty tears instead of the chocolate ice creams Blamed god for everything that went wrong But Alas! No one heard his screams. He lies down exhausted Nursing his wounds and scars Waiting for the train to come around He was spared to live long and far. The evil one took everything that he had But today he fights continuously To spare others, his fate as a lad Defiance to the evil one he shows tirelessly. Because there’s one hope that leads him on Wounds will heal, scars will fade Remembering the pain, he cries alone My son, I’m with you , do not be afraid.
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Jan 8, 2013
Jan 8, 2013 at 6:19 AM UTC
The Boy Who Was *****
concrete shades the yellow-lighted symphony. The peso-heavy take taxis; security valets motors steaming castle gates. I ask, which way is the 158? Indifferent, they say, walk straight neath the freewaythere is a bus stop two blocks away. **** **** **** Clocktower hands transpose Cindarella-brick to embers of electricity, a factory aside scrawled graffiti; fingers timidly ricket pitchfork fences. Palermo is 11 km north. Where is the north star? I look straight ahead, repeating what the travel blogs said like, Be lost, don’t look lost; flappy plastic maps scream vulnerability. Be lost, not rich; iPhones in gotham alleys are batman signals. Walk fast. Don’t pay attention to the eyes that pass. Careless ponytails and brass hair attract glances back. Two blocks deep into the homeless shelter beneath freeways, blankets in shopping carts toppled over, cars screaming away the symphony into shadowed silence between heels striking. Tunnel breath emerging on the other side, gasping past stacked Jenga towers, wired with antennas and empty clotheslines; families and crack ****** sleep inside. Safety’s herd thins as  couples dart left down cobblestone tributaries that either lead to bus stops or parked cars. I walk straight ahead with sleeve-covered hands that swing like sticks in the wind. The symphony turns to heartbeats and footsteps plucking quickly; fearing the 180 behind, to zombies with sunken eyes, thirsty for a thirty-cent high.
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Sep 5, 2014
Sep 5, 2014 at 8:45 PM UTC
cultural corridor
*chosen child for nature's creativity tangoing to the sway of twilight trees such spiritually sensual sensibilities hypersensitivity heightening passion life intensified in intellectual interest love embellished with emotional empathy oh, to bottle her elusive essence to drink in her wistful nights to infuse my tea with her promise to scent my pillow with her dreams uncork the atmospheric aroma of sepia tinged crescents wafting in celestial patisseries sweeten the clear blue skies with mists of crystallized honey perfuming the divine aether oh, fill my breath with her ephemeral synchronize my life's pulse to the metronome ponytails of skipping girls followed by the tails of wagging dogs*
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Jul 11, 2014
Jul 11, 2014 at 1:07 PM UTC
Crazed Potpourri
SUN GIRLS: sun-kissed goddesses, some a little darker than others because the sun loves them just a little bit more, writes poetry sitting outside a local coffee shop, always happy all the time, loves the color yellow, wears mom jeans and tucked in t-shirts all the time, is soft and loves love, long hair, mostly in braids or ponytails. MOON GIRLS: dark circles under their eyes, parties a lot, drinks to forget their heartbreak, red lipstick and black eyeshadow, sleepless nights accompanied by anxiety, owns over 20 different leather jackets, loves adrenaline, risk-taker, a smoker, strong smell of cigarettes and mint gum, smirks a lot, flirty, secretly likes sun girls
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May 16, 2018
May 16, 2018 at 10:02 PM UTC
the sun & moon
What I Wanted to Wear for Halloween …is not what you wanted me to wear for Halloween. I wanted to be one of those girls in the comic books, spinning around in high-heeled boots, high-strung ponytails, and miniskirts. You convinced me to be Mulan. It was the 90’s, after all. And she was pretty cool. I guess. I loved it more when I realized she had a sword. I planned to cut my hair with it. But when I asked for her sword, you handed me a fan, told me to have fun with my friends. My best friend wore a real kimono that year – all thick and purple and bright – her father brought it back from Japan. We were both Mulan. I guess. But she loved her fan and silk and uppy hair up-do. Mine had already taken a tumble for the worse. And that is exactly what I see, many years later, as I stare in the mirror – finally in my boots. I keep them on when I sit at the keyboard and type in her name M-U-L-A-N The truth comes after H-U-A After twelve years of fighting, and dying, and winning, and fighting by her side, China didn’t even know she was a woman. They couldn’t have cared less at all.
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Oct 31, 2014
Oct 31, 2014 at 2:29 PM UTC
What I Wanted to Wear for Halloween
Wounded knees, mango trees, Walking down the same old street, Eight years old, feeling bold, A **** on the nose and an awful cold, Chicken pox, knee-high socks, Folded letters in a black shoe box, Ponytails, fairy tales, Choir practice, don't forget to exhale, Chapter books, nasty looks, Never had the chance to cook, Constant smothers, doting mother, Shamelessly listening to The Jonas Brothers, Toothy grins, double chin, Constantly losing bobby pins, Stupid drama, Oxford Comma, No DS for Cooking Mama Cheeks flushed, prep crush, I still regret that very much, Detention, pay attention, Meet everyone's expectations, Disappointment, good intent Nothing that I said was meant, Growing up, just shut up, Remember it's okay to mess up, Years went by, I wonder why, When did my childhood say goodbye?
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Dec 5, 2014
Dec 5, 2014 at 4:12 AM UTC
Childhood
I am strong… I endure what you cannot. I fight what you could not. depression, regression pain, tears… heh, you would run to your mommy if faced with my fears. I am determined… to have my dream without watching it all burst at the seams. to make people happy and to show them they are strong, to teach my future children right from wrong, to marry the love of my life, to hear him say he’s happy that I’m his wife, to not let you get me down, to smile, when everything is pointing toward a frown. I am free-spirited… fun, wild, crazy… I live out I laugh loud I cry hard I love strong. **** hott, sophisticated, or not, black makeup, blood-red nails, fishnets, ponytails, emo, gothic, it’s obvious I have inner magic. my thighs move like thunder, while my wit is like lightening. my presence is commanding, comforting, yet frightening. I am predator… vampire in bloodlust trapping you with my eyes my aura ***** you in, to your demise, feeding off of your soul drinking you in until I am sated and whole. I am unpredictable… unprecedented I do the unthinkable your rules don’t apply to me I dance to my own rhythm hum my own tune walk barefoot in the rain I do everything you wouldn’t expect I so most things your average girl wouldn’t do. you cannot dictate to me who, what, or where to be. I am Cocheta: That You Cannot Imagine. an anomaly, you cannot tell my origin. I am: love, hope home, trust power, lust wind, rain woman, ethereal succubus, nocturnal black, fire poetry, seduction color, confidence shy, innocent emotion, devotion different, perfection I AM ME a force to be reckoned with. and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
0
Jun 17, 2012
Jun 17, 2012 at 10:24 PM UTC
I. Am. Me
I am strong… I endure what you cannot. I fight what you could not. depression, regression pain, tears… heh, you would run to your mommy if faced with my fears. I am determined… to have my dream without watching it all burst at the seams. to make people happy and to show them they are strong, to teach my future children right from wrong, to marry the love of my life, to hear him say he’s happy that I’m his wife, to not let you get me down, to smile, when everything is pointing toward a frown. I am free-spirited… fun, wild, crazy… I live out I laugh loud I cry hard I love strong. **** hott, sophisticated, or not, black makeup, blood-red nails, fishnets, ponytails, emo, gothic, it’s obvious I have inner magic. my thighs move like thunder, while my wit is like lightening. my presence is commanding, comforting, yet frightening. I am predator… vampire in bloodlust trapping you with my eyes my aura ***** you in, to your demise, feeding off of your soul drinking you in until I am sated and whole. I am unpredictable… unprecedented I do the unthinkable your rules don’t apply to me I dance to my own rhythm hum my own tune walk barefoot in the rain I do everything you wouldn’t expect I so most things your average girl wouldn’t do. you cannot dictate to me who, what, or where to be. I am Cocheta: That You Cannot Imagine. an anomaly, you cannot tell my origin. I am: love, hope home, trust power, lust wind, rain woman, ethereal succubus, nocturnal black, fire poetry, seduction color, confidence shy, innocent emotion, devotion different, perfection I AM ME a force to be reckoned with. and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
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68
she lived alone by the little glass window on the 12th floor always open seeing every color and stain of urban life flashing below across the courtyard black, white, yellow, brown and a redhead going down the block for a ghetto special 4 chicken wings and fries and fly uncle johnny in his trench-coat and superslims running paper slips to the bodega on the corner of broadway and 5th and little blues babies in ponytails doing the double-dutch hustle a skip and **** away from motherhood and radio raheems peddling mix tapes, joints and conspiracies to mis-educated teens flashing silver grills, c's and black stones under high-top fades and fro's closing only for hurricanes and ricochet bullets permanently when one caught miss helen in the eye she lived alone.. ~ P (7/8/2013)
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Jul 21, 2013
Jul 21, 2013 at 5:25 PM UTC
Anachronistic Blues...
Thump Thump. Butterflies crawl in my chest. Thoughts swirl around in my head. I can’t focus or see straight. This is anxiety. And it’s not something I talk about often, though it’s more common than one might think, where my heart pounds so loud and anxious thoughts threaten to drown out everything that makes me, Me. You see, my brain sees simple things incorrectly. Texts and sometimes the thought of leaving the house sends adrenaline coursing through my system like a thousand shots of caffeine into my bloodstream. The logical parts of me fled on the first flight out of town, leaving me to feel the tremors and full force tsunami on the ground. Anxiety is a lot like love, but it’s a battle not a dance. A lifetime, not five minutes. Unlike love, it’s often violent. But just like love, it’s quite silent. Anxiety feels like hunger, but stronger. Like fear, but it lasts longer. Writing this poem has quelled the qualms that anxiety often spells. I wish that I could be honest about this part of me. But it's one of those things you’re trained not to talk about from a young age. Because unless you’re depressed, medicated, or heaven forbid you’re not seeing a therapist, then it’s not bad enough to qualify. It’s not big enough to report. I’m not suffering enough. But if you could just feel my heart beating fast. If you could interpret the swell of my tell-tale blush. If you could whisk your fingers through all of my thoughts. If you could only hear all of the things I’m feeling but can’t quite express. Then you would know that my silence is telling. I may be smiling, but currently I’m fighting for sanity in my own mind. The mind I feel is no longer mine. I’m walking a dangerous tightrope slope. My mind is a minefield of poisonous butterflies. They threaten to swallow me alive, so I tread the violence quietly. I fear when I expose you to this side of me, you’ll only see anxiety or that maybe I’m lying. But anxiety is not me. I am more than mixed up brain signals. The rest of me is cardigans in the summer, because it’s cold inside. I am mock converse and ponytails and words on paper, thoughts poured out, slowly. I just feel anxious Sometimes. More than normal, actually. But I’m dealing with it. And I’m no less me.
0
Sep 30, 2016
Sep 30, 2016 at 3:41 PM UTC
The Beast Within
Thump Thump. Butterflies crawl in my chest. Thoughts swirl around in my head. I can’t focus or see straight. This is anxiety. And it’s not something I talk about often, though it’s more common than one might think, where my heart pounds so loud and anxious thoughts threaten to drown out everything that makes me, Me. You see, my brain sees simple things incorrectly. Texts and sometimes the thought of leaving the house sends adrenaline coursing through my system like a thousand shots of caffeine into my bloodstream. The logical parts of me fled on the first flight out of town, leaving me to feel the tremors and full force tsunami on the ground. Anxiety is a lot like love, but it’s a battle not a dance. A lifetime, not five minutes. Unlike love, it’s often violent. But just like love, it’s quite silent. Anxiety feels like hunger, but stronger. Like fear, but it lasts longer. Writing this poem has quelled the qualms that anxiety often spells. I wish that I could be honest about this part of me. But it's one of those things you’re trained not to talk about from a young age. Because unless you’re depressed, medicated, or heaven forbid you’re not seeing a therapist, then it’s not bad enough to qualify. It’s not big enough to report. I’m not suffering enough. But if you could just feel my heart beating fast. If you could interpret the swell of my tell-tale blush. If you could whisk your fingers through all of my thoughts. If you could only hear all of the things I’m feeling but can’t quite express. Then you would know that my silence is telling. I may be smiling, but currently I’m fighting for sanity in my own mind. The mind I feel is no longer mine. I’m walking a dangerous tightrope slope. My mind is a minefield of poisonous butterflies. They threaten to swallow me alive, so I tread the violence quietly. I fear when I expose you to this side of me, you’ll only see anxiety or that maybe I’m lying. But anxiety is not me. I am more than mixed up brain signals. The rest of me is cardigans in the summer, because it’s cold inside. I am mock converse and ponytails and words on paper, thoughts poured out, slowly. I just feel anxious Sometimes. More than normal, actually. But I’m dealing with it. And I’m no less me.
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83
At the stroke of five o’ clock The crew begins to trickle in the door for Josie’s Slumber Party. Hand cut finger sandwiches adorn The chestnut coffee table already brimming With nail polishes and eyeshadows In hues of peacock blue and bubblegum pink And temptress scarlet red. The girls Romp around the room like ballerinas Dressed in everything from soccer shorts to Mama’s high heels. Two sizes too big. Practically ladies as they gloss their lips but Girlish giggles and squeals reveal their Youth: Age ten; age eleven; age twelve. And in the middle of this fine affair Polished nails are used to pick at teeth; Makeup adheres to bangs, braids and ponytails. Bare hands brush through the knotted hair of Any and All. Beauty – of course – is collective, yet Dignified. As if to call the girls over, lure them in so painfully slow, The sprinklers awaken on the front lawn and spill forth Waterfalls of childhood memories. Running barefoot during the searing summer dusk. The girls are under The Spell. Feather boa and lipstick at hand, they make A mad dash for the lawn. The squeals are louder, more Vibrant than before. With grass stains on their gowns and water re-tangling their freshly styled hair, these Ladies could not be any more proper.
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Jul 11, 2011
Jul 11, 2011 at 3:37 PM UTC
An Elegant Occasion
The cocktail waitress in the corner Tonight she skates at Roller City In polka dots and ponytails Her lips pursed and polished For she disapproves of most everything that offers little reflection No bringing your own music No pinching the dancers She moves to a secret sound Regarding herself as an international spy In the house of fun
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Jul 14, 2023
Jul 14, 2023 at 5:14 PM UTC
Cherry Chapstick
two hits and I'm gone holding my high from dubai to discovery bay I met John on his black harley along the way, my nowhere man in ponytails chasing Jesus off the charts he gave me his bloodied lens and a dime I peered through bullet holes in his heart and saw the devil and the glazed eyes of Mark frozen in time like grime and graffiti on the walls of Attica he gave me his smoking gun and a pen "Imagine......" ~ P (Pablo)
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Aug 1, 2013
Aug 1, 2013 at 5:11 PM UTC
Imagine...
wild night videos for the dark web 3 Atlean men and a girl she got it by a mob of Moroccan **** rockets and will pine for the rest of her days screaming to the hells in a reimagined language the regression to Lilith **** ********* the world when hell touched paradise ***** and man handled shot by shot mouth to ****** to **** split and folded tooth and nail to drive the ****** tides of the world ***** monsters like T Rex force a ritual infliction butter meat of dreams pain sensually reworked into pleasure blister-hot and oh so sweet married to a paradox like feeling bad about feeling good give me your ankles ***** an unveiled immediacy right off the bat i got just the girl confiding in me so ready to die like an Aztec princess to be the star like a peacock in an engorged circus blizzard of jealous snakes strangled fanged and spewed a swansong exhibition in blood-soaked ponytails a bobbing head and choke throat ***** picnic table with mayonnaise wounds mediating power in a psychoanalytic fetish death is not death but performative submission her body ransacked in tooth marks and red tipped ******* steaming eraser head pulses a **** soaked chicken on a plate eradicating reality are you gonna eat that? pass the *** collapses time lust   custodian of human archeology **** piñata bearing gifts of squirty pork gasms ******** and cuchifritos corpus of ****** horror as liberation crosses-temporality and breaks the vessel of time oow Nefertiti where are you a tongue up the *** sniffs Prada's Candy Perfume **** blinking licks up there where havoc lives in **** **** farm country
0
Oct 5, 2020
Oct 5, 2020 at 2:28 PM UTC
Private Video
wild night videos for the dark web 3 Atlean men and a girl she got it by a mob of Moroccan **** rockets and will pine for the rest of her days screaming to the hells in a reimagined language the regression to Lilith **** ********* the world when hell touched paradise ***** and man handled shot by shot mouth to ****** to **** split and folded tooth and nail to drive the ****** tides of the world ***** monsters like T Rex force a ritual infliction butter meat of dreams pain sensually reworked into pleasure blister-hot and oh so sweet married to a paradox like feeling bad about feeling good give me your ankles ***** an unveiled immediacy right off the bat i got just the girl confiding in me so ready to die like an Aztec princess to be the star like a peacock in an engorged circus blizzard of jealous snakes strangled fanged and spewed a swansong exhibition in blood-soaked ponytails a bobbing head and choke throat ***** picnic table with mayonnaise wounds mediating power in a psychoanalytic fetish death is not death but performative submission her body ransacked in tooth marks and red tipped ******* steaming eraser head pulses a **** soaked chicken on a plate eradicating reality are you gonna eat that? pass the *** collapses time lust   custodian of human archeology **** piñata bearing gifts of squirty pork gasms ******** and cuchifritos corpus of ****** horror as liberation crosses-temporality and breaks the vessel of time oow Nefertiti where are you a tongue up the *** sniffs Prada's Candy Perfume **** blinking licks up there where havoc lives in **** **** farm country
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I am thirteen when the mean girls call me weird— I do not shave I do not wear makeup. I do wear basketball shorts and messy ponytails. I am pressured to be her— Aria. I shave relentlessly for the next two years. I am fifteen full of discomfort and anger breaking my bones like they are glass reckless rage— all reckless no brave depraved of a home inside my own skin. I am fifteen when I learn what gender dysphoria is. I am fifteen when I realize I am a boy that I always have and will be a boy. I am fifteen— putting holes in wall and overdosing on advil like it is a sport championing my own self demise. I am fifteen afraid and closeted— I write my name as ALEX on my school assignments I always change it back before I turn them in. I am fifteen convinced everyone loves the girl I am not and will never love me as the boy I actually am. I am sixteen crying on the floor of a psych ward this is my fifth hospitalization in fourteen months. Pretending to be her is killing me. I choke back tears as I tell my mom that I am transgender. She tells me she loves me, and she saw me writing ALEX on my papers. It will take five years for her to let her daughter go. I am seventeen when I am shoved to the floor in a men's bathroom slammed and slurred across the tile— It will not be until six months into Hormone Replacement Therapy that I use the men's public restroom. I am eighteen when my moms boyfriend of the time pulls me aside and tells me I am making a mistake. He would wear his mothers dresses and heels, hiding in her closet all of this is to say this is a phase. When people say that this is a phase— I am sixteen sobbing on linoleum floors covered in cuts wanting nothing more than death if I have to pretend to be her for more than one second longer. I am nineteen hopeful and naive. Voice cracking and hair sprouting I am coming into my own body. I have learned that there are things much worse than needles. I am twenty out of the ashes of abuse and trauma I am finally becoming the man I have always been meant to be.
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Jun 2, 2019
Jun 2, 2019 at 2:27 AM UTC
An Aria
I am thirteen when the mean girls call me weird— I do not shave I do not wear makeup. I do wear basketball shorts and messy ponytails. I am pressured to be her— Aria. I shave relentlessly for the next two years. I am fifteen full of discomfort and anger breaking my bones like they are glass reckless rage— all reckless no brave depraved of a home inside my own skin. I am fifteen when I learn what gender dysphoria is. I am fifteen when I realize I am a boy that I always have and will be a boy. I am fifteen— putting holes in wall and overdosing on advil like it is a sport championing my own self demise. I am fifteen afraid and closeted— I write my name as ALEX on my school assignments I always change it back before I turn them in. I am fifteen convinced everyone loves the girl I am not and will never love me as the boy I actually am. I am sixteen crying on the floor of a psych ward this is my fifth hospitalization in fourteen months. Pretending to be her is killing me. I choke back tears as I tell my mom that I am transgender. She tells me she loves me, and she saw me writing ALEX on my papers. It will take five years for her to let her daughter go. I am seventeen when I am shoved to the floor in a men's bathroom slammed and slurred across the tile— It will not be until six months into Hormone Replacement Therapy that I use the men's public restroom. I am eighteen when my moms boyfriend of the time pulls me aside and tells me I am making a mistake. He would wear his mothers dresses and heels, hiding in her closet all of this is to say this is a phase. When people say that this is a phase— I am sixteen sobbing on linoleum floors covered in cuts wanting nothing more than death if I have to pretend to be her for more than one second longer. I am nineteen hopeful and naive. Voice cracking and hair sprouting I am coming into my own body. I have learned that there are things much worse than needles. I am twenty out of the ashes of abuse and trauma I am finally becoming the man I have always been meant to be.
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87
I visited her at the hospital ward smiled my ladybird baby delivered! Her two ponytails in red ribbon not a woman she was but a girl overgrown! In her arms lay a little fairy wasn’t just a baby but a piece of me! Beamed its face looking at me recognized joyously here was daddy! She, me, and our baby we're stuck in that place ever happily!
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Aug 28, 2014
Aug 28, 2014 at 7:43 AM UTC
We're stuck in that place
*he tells me he'll buy me a white house with a picket fence and i laugh because it sounds so absurd to me why would anyone want to live in this plastic world of despair i mean, maybe i'm judging it too hard but i just can't see myself driving a mini-van with two kids crying in the backseat complaining and calling me "mom" as if they their mother-tongue was not Urdu i can't do soccer games and ballet lessons or wait every night at 8PM to have a family dinner i am not anyone's wife in an apron and there is nothing wrong with choosing the american dream just that its a nightmare for me i want to finger paint the house a million shades of rainbow i want to tie a braid in my hair and lie under the sun let it kiss me until i'm brown and free. i want my children to blast bollywood and dance with me no choreography, just love i want a husband who falls in love with my henna covered hands and the way i smell of the sea i can't see myself settling to a world where everything looks just the same or a man who loves me in a clean, innocent way i know this sounds stupid and i'm not one for crazy romance but laughing during *** and screaming during fights is something that feels more than alright i like the edge and the stability in knowing that you're not going anywhere, we're going everywhere i want my children to climb on their father's back and tickle him until he cries i want them to paint his nails and tie his hair in little ponytails i want them to go to the beach and not worry about getting sand in between their toes i want them to wake up in the morning with their messy hair and lopsided smiles i want them to run around the house the way their parents did chasing each other only to fall into each other's arms.*
0
Mar 28, 2018
Mar 28, 2018 at 10:03 PM UTC
i'd choose sea view over miami beach anyday
*he tells me he'll buy me a white house with a picket fence and i laugh because it sounds so absurd to me why would anyone want to live in this plastic world of despair i mean, maybe i'm judging it too hard but i just can't see myself driving a mini-van with two kids crying in the backseat complaining and calling me "mom" as if they their mother-tongue was not Urdu i can't do soccer games and ballet lessons or wait every night at 8PM to have a family dinner i am not anyone's wife in an apron and there is nothing wrong with choosing the american dream just that its a nightmare for me i want to finger paint the house a million shades of rainbow i want to tie a braid in my hair and lie under the sun let it kiss me until i'm brown and free. i want my children to blast bollywood and dance with me no choreography, just love i want a husband who falls in love with my henna covered hands and the way i smell of the sea i can't see myself settling to a world where everything looks just the same or a man who loves me in a clean, innocent way i know this sounds stupid and i'm not one for crazy romance but laughing during *** and screaming during fights is something that feels more than alright i like the edge and the stability in knowing that you're not going anywhere, we're going everywhere i want my children to climb on their father's back and tickle him until he cries i want them to paint his nails and tie his hair in little ponytails i want them to go to the beach and not worry about getting sand in between their toes i want them to wake up in the morning with their messy hair and lopsided smiles i want them to run around the house the way their parents did chasing each other only to fall into each other's arms.*
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53
The sunset girls with warm smiles and sweet laughter. With ice cream, diamond earrings, diaries, romance movies under fluffy blankets, strawberry shortcake, lemonade made slightly too sour with a pink paper straw and perfect ice cubes. The midnight girls with a wild side and messy hair. With perfect eyeliner, surprising laughs, black sketchbooks, late night ramen runs, stolen oversized sweatshirts, black cherries, fluffy socks under polished black combat boots tied in a neat little bow. The sunrise girls with addicting voices and perfect high ponytails. With slogan t shirts, velvet scrunchies, red lip gloss, chocolate covered bananas, paintbrushes and easels, early morning hikes, coffee with creamer, foam, and probably too much sugar. The sunshine girls with bright grins and  kind eyes. With light blushes, sweatpants, rainbow sprinkles, nails painted, flower tattoos, peaches and cream, messy bangs, sketchbooks probably covered in stickers and crop tops just short enough to tease, paired with cute bralettes.
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Feb 8, 2019
Feb 8, 2019 at 12:04 AM UTC
we all know those girls
The girl grew up. Yes, she did. She grew up to be a gorgeous woman. That little girl that as a young boy. You never want around to bother you. Now is the apple of your eyes, as she stands before you. Simply, because the girl grew up. From the ponytails she wore. To even with the braided hair. From the things she did to ignore you. From the time she showed interest in you. The girl grew up. To be a beautiful woman with a lovely smile. You couldn't imagine you would be standing next to her. You never imagine she would be the one you love. Although others hinted you both liked one another. But that was just their opinions. Cause it was far from both of yours imagination. Until you grew up to have common interest communication. Yes, she grew up to claim your love. Cause the girl grew up.
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Dec 2, 2013
Dec 2, 2013 at 8:35 AM UTC
The Girl Grew Up(To Be A Woman)
I hear the laughter I see the cheer I feel the warmth From ear to ear We're all together We're all the same We're all playing The very same game And all around me There are grins Everyone's happy Everyone wins From ponytails To sneaker soles each of us chases identical goals We work and laugh We're having fun The road is rough But we are one.
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Feb 28, 2014
Feb 28, 2014 at 7:38 AM UTC
Team
i thought feeling good about myself for once would cure everything, but the cure is two steps backwards of where i am today. two tea leaves and a tail’s length from here; hop-skip the finish line like when i was five and didn’t know how big the sky was. pixie stix and a spotted dress that smelled like roses with a purple stain down the front and ***** knees and sweet sticky skin, sweetflesh and goldfish and big black bears roaring about on the roads. inside my head there’s a phoenix fire, burning sand to breath silvery threads into the creature that thrusts its head into my mouth to scream alive. mi lucha, preciosa, me vuelvo loco aqui. me estan volviendo por fin, eternamente. dead and alive and spattered in paint that feels like his heartbeat... waking up on the floor with twelve stitches in my arm and a chipped tooth. the one that got away, the one with no name, the one that pretty turned her back on. the one that you hate, the one that is loved, the one that spends one minute thinking what takes them a lifetime. the one that will never be the next-door neighbor with the loud golden retriever and cold fruitcakes on christmas eve, the one that says ponytails are overrated. the one that is me. the one that is here for now.
0
Jun 6, 2010
Jun 6, 2010 at 1:35 PM UTC
and so late one night