Today will be that day I decide what's important down deep inside Nothing in life I've taught myself to do In the creative sense has been hinged upon accolades or instant gratification nor monetary considerations If it were to have been so Then I have worked so hard way too hard to be this poor So I say this as my final thoughts And I am torn as to speak my mind but that would run contrary To my own expectations of myself because I constantly insist that's wrong to those who believe and say artist should be humble For how can one be humble if they are going to create something out of nothing before they even start That's not the seeds that sprouts creative arts those are the seeds that Sprout doubt Or maybe it's just a forewarning in case they fail to create And that's just a roadblock that you've already set up for yourself So I truly know that even though creation for creation sake is truly well and good But appreciation has its own affect Sometimes that part of us that we tend to neglect So now I don't need right now or my entire life the appreciation of others as much as i create for the pure joy of seeing something appear from nothing As that has a magic all its own
All my adult life I have said certain things that I believe to be true You shouldn't have to ask a friend to pay you back what they said they would especially when they said and a thank you or apology asked for when owed Will no longer be of any value when given in that mode but I'm going to speak what I have so often wondered As I passed by my own self set roadblocks How I can get and at a consistent basis the decent amount of reads And what seems to be to me an almost obscene Lack of feedback that would make me demean myself here now now By asking this question and knowing that once I do I won't want any answers as I feel they won't mean much were I to get a few but I could be wrong And that's why I am going out this obscure route Wiping away every track because I walked it knowing That I wouldn't be coming back
I don't think it's personal I don't think it's a slight I just wanted to point it out to those who may not notice those who are coming along and aren't able to carry their own light. That is a problem I've never had.
I wasn't down in the bottom Nor was I up somewhere High I feel no need to race the wind Or spit into the eye
I have no driving hunger Nor am I starving for results I'm no more moved by accolades Than I am by any vile insults
l could leave right this moment With no need to even look back No more purpose or Direction than a windblown empty paper sack
If I had any emotional connection to anything anywhere or at any time The line which held that feeble pull Has now released me from all ties that bind
The shadow that I have often followed Or was aware of in my wake Doesn't seem to be as intrinsically connected As the power wane's and lights dim accentuating every ache
So that in turn what might once concern And set on edge some Keen insight To push the ink through an all consuming link Driving that need to succeed by saying it just right
Has just become some Tangled mess Endless threads and those ancient dreads For if nothing changes the course or flow Then that sack in directionalless flight is right in caring not why or when how or where it heads
Who cares if all those words ended up simply scattered And you are a hollowed-out core nothing more Defeated and depleted by the knowledge that nothing mattered If words are heard and only those understood the others we ignore
You know what I mean understand where I'm coming from And you say wow man I can relate Then tell me my friend before I end what's the difference in a morsel and a crumb
Once thought I had it but I let it slip right through the only answer that I had was not even a clue somehow I seem to have found an obscured View But I'm ....not sure if there was anything else that I could do Put yourself out there let your feelings be known and if you find yourself still all alone you'll know you tried everything... that you're mind was shown and it's okay if for a while If you feel a need to **** and moan. because... . there are times it would be ea-si-er to charge into the path of a cannons Roar than go through how it felt to go through what you just had. to endure And every time you say the same refrain about how you will never be sure If you'll ever put yourself up there where the air is so thin if or when or ever be that same you again just remember that it's in the getting out there not the victory that gives you a win You can win the battle and still lose the war they can give you shiny little Metals but what are they really for Just something to show others that you were willing to go To those places that we all had ...and know Will make us stronger if not harder to ever convince....but that's how you deal with the turbulent Waters and turbulence times that will show you what that metal shows others and that is the way for you to find your recompense you should keep your body loose and with a wide wide stance ready to move with the always unpredictable swellz Or those just as unpredictable waves - of - goodbye Can just be life making some room for what can be the waves of some new hello
I was looking when I got lost ignoring the bill when I saw the cost Saw my future in the turbulent waters Of the porcelain pool into which I was tossed Bemoaning yet accepting the fate I was enduring Upon hearing the sound of the handles clank I relinquished all control as I began to roll Gave no fight of self preservation. as I sank The echoing swoosh left its sound in my ears Then solid darkness closed in tight So much more vivid than night in absence of light The water was thick and seemed to be swallowing me down Any oxygen of life seemed a fast fading memory As all the while I could feel a gathering momentum Like a ride through some putrafied tunnel of .... well...now all ephemeral in it's sudden ephemerality As I was Blased loose from that officious muck Propelled far far beyond the cascading flow as a **** for life returned in a flash I flicked one fin and then the other before allowing sweet gravity To carry me down affordeding me that glorious splash. Wow! I thought ' this is an enormous and wondrous bowl ' Oh oh oh! That poor little goldfish that bad suddenly become the hapless to happy victim Of a frustrated and angry parent who had lost all control!!!
GOOD LUCK little one...you will need all you get!
Question/ riddle of sorts. Anyone know the reason for my naming the. poem this ... bit of i _ _ _ _ _ twist?
Gone without notice The morose sense of guilt Felt In those times when least expected Reappearing as if neglected To reassert itself As an ever-present pain An open wound Often forgotten But never gone Like the reflection on a TV screen The lighted window Back behind and in the mind Disturbingly present all consuming Even looming... ... to proportions Of unbearable distraction Gone without notice... ....UNTIL.... ...that very second that you realize- it isn't there Then it is To suddenly reappear
Far beyond the imaginations Ability to comprehend or defend We often find That place where past and present Often collide and bind Themselves into that Which is never sought... ... never forgot Something you paid for but never bought That lesson learned That you wish to God you had never been taught
You may not have the Sword of Damocles hanging over your head or a gathering of monsters under your bed but that does not mean you have not a shred of worries to ponder or things you should dread
sometimes... ... when the road seems clear is that time to deal with some thing you may secretly fear at a place and at a time of your own choosing unless ....of course .... your only true fear is that of sometimes losing
for there and then you will have given in to those never-ending battles seemingly never lost while treading water awash in a war none ever win.