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Today will be that day I decide what's important down deep inside
Nothing in life I've taught myself to do
In the creative sense has been hinged upon accolades or instant gratification nor monetary considerations
If it were to have been so
Then I have worked so hard
way too hard to be this poor
So I say this as my final thoughts
And I am torn as to speak my mind but that would run contrary
To my own expectations of myself because I constantly insist that's wrong to those who believe and say artist should be humble
For how can one be humble if
they are going to create
something out of nothing
before they even start
That's not the seeds that sprouts creative arts
those are the seeds that Sprout doubt
Or maybe it's just a forewarning in case they fail to create
And that's just a roadblock that you've already set up for yourself
So I truly know that even though creation for creation sake is truly well and good
But appreciation has its own affect
Sometimes that part of us that we tend to neglect
So now
I don't need right now
or my entire life the appreciation of others
as much as i create for the
pure joy of seeing
something appear from nothing
As that has a magic all its own

All my adult life I have said
certain things that I believe to be true
You shouldn't have to ask a friend to pay you back what they said they would
especially when they said
and a thank you or apology asked for when owed
Will no longer be of any value when given in that mode
but I'm going to speak what I have so often wondered
As I passed by my own self set roadblocks
How I can get and at a consistent basis the decent amount of reads
And what seems to be to me an almost obscene
Lack of feedback
that would make me demean myself here now now
By asking this question and knowing that once I do I won't want any answers as I feel they won't mean much were I to get a few but I could be wrong
And that's why I am going out this obscure route
Wiping away every track because I walked it knowing
That I wouldn't be coming back

I don't think it's personal I don't think it's a slight I just wanted to point it out to those who may not notice those who are coming along and aren't able to carry their own light. That is a problem I've never had.
I wasn't down in the bottom
Nor was I up somewhere High
I feel no need to race the wind
Or spit into the eye

I have no driving hunger
Nor am I starving for results
I'm no more moved by accolades
Than I am by any vile insults

l could leave right this moment
With no need to even look back
No more purpose or Direction
than a windblown empty paper sack

If I had any emotional connection to anything anywhere or at any time
The line which held that feeble pull
Has now released me from all ties that bind

The shadow that I have often followed
Or was aware of  in my wake
Doesn't seem to be as intrinsically connected
As the power wane's and lights dim accentuating every ache

So that in turn what might once concern
And set on edge some Keen insight
To push the ink through an all consuming link
Driving that need to succeed by saying it just right

Has just become some Tangled mess
Endless threads and those ancient dreads
For if nothing changes the course or flow
Then that sack in directionalless  flight is right in caring not why or when how or where it heads

Who cares if all those words ended up simply scattered
And you are a hollowed-out core nothing more
Defeated and depleted by the knowledge that nothing mattered
If words are heard and only those understood the others we ignore

You know what I mean
understand where I'm coming
And you say wow man I can relate
Then tell me my friend
before I end
what's the difference in a morsel
and a crumb

If they all taste the same then they are mundane
Once thought I had it but I let it slip right through the only answer that I had was not even a clue somehow I seem to have found an obscured View
But I'm ....not sure
if there was anything else
that I could do
Put yourself out there
                          let your feelings be known
and if you find yourself still all alone
you'll know you tried
that you're mind was shown
and it's okay if for a while
If you feel a need to **** and moan.
. there are times it would be ea-si-er
  to charge into the path of a cannons Roar
than go through how  it felt to go through
what you just had.  to   endure
And every time you say the same refrain
about how you will never be sure
If you'll ever put yourself up there
where the air is so thin
if or when
or ever be that same you again
just  remember that it's in
the getting out there
not the victory that gives you a win
You can win
the battle
and still lose the war
they can give you shiny little Metals
but what are they really for
Just something to show others
that you
were willing to go
To those places that we all had ...and know
Will make us stronger if not harder
to ever convince....but
that's how you deal with
the turbulent Waters  and turbulence
times that will show
you what that metal shows others
and that is the way
  for you to find your recompense
you should keep your body loose
and with a wide wide stance
ready to move
with the always unpredictable swellz
Or those  just as unpredictable
waves - of - goodbye
Can just be life making some room
for what can be
the waves
of some new hello
I was looking when I got lost
ignoring the bill when I saw the cost
Saw my future in the turbulent waters
Of the porcelain pool into which I was tossed
Bemoaning  yet accepting the fate I was enduring
Upon hearing the sound of the handles clank
I relinquished all control
as I began to roll
Gave no fight of self preservation. as I sank
The echoing swoosh left its sound in my ears
Then solid darkness closed in tight
So much more vivid than night in absence of light
The water was thick and seemed to be swallowing me down
Any oxygen of life seemed a fast fading memory
As all the while I could feel a gathering momentum
Like a ride through some putrafied tunnel of .... all ephemeral in it's sudden ephemerality
As I was
Blased loose from that officious muck
Propelled far far beyond the cascading flow
as a **** for life returned in a flash
I flicked one fin and then the other before  allowing sweet gravity
To carry me down affordeding me that glorious splash.
Wow! I thought ' this is an enormous and wondrous bowl '
Oh oh oh!
That poor little goldfish that bad suddenly become the hapless to happy victim
Of a frustrated and angry parent who had lost all control!!!

GOOD LUCK little will need all you get!

Question/ riddle of sorts.
Anyone know the reason for my naming the. poem this ... bit of
i _ _ _ _ _ twist?
Keith W Fletcher Dec 2018
Gone without notice
The morose sense of guilt
In those times when least expected
Reappearing as if neglected
To reassert itself
As an ever-present pain
An open wound
Often forgotten
But never gone
Like the reflection on a TV screen
The lighted window
Back behind and in the mind
Disturbingly present all consuming
Even looming...
... to proportions
Of unbearable distraction
Gone without notice...
...that very second
that you realize- it isn't there
Then it is
To suddenly reappear

Far beyond the imaginations
Ability to comprehend or defend
We often find
That place where past and present
Often collide and bind
Themselves into that
Which is never sought...
... never forgot
Something you paid for but never bought
That lesson learned
That you wish to God
you had  never been taught
Keith W Fletcher Nov 2018
You may not have
the Sword of Damocles
over your head
or a gathering
of monsters
under your bed
but that does not mean
you have not a shred
of worries to ponder
or things you should dread

... when the road seems clear
is that time
to deal with
some thing you
may secretly fear
at a place
and at a time
of your own choosing
unless ....of course
.... your only true fear
is that of sometimes losing

for there and then
you will have
given in
to those
never-ending battles
seemingly never lost
while treading water
awash in a war
none ever win.
Keith W Fletcher Nov 2018
Do what you will
do what you don't
do what you will
do what you won't
You want what's right
And you want what's left
You take the best
And you leave the rest

you're just a scavenger
A scavenger in disguise
You do a **** good job
Of hiding it ... but I can see it
In your eyes
It ain't no big surprise

Do what you will
do what you don"t
Say  what you will
Say what  you don't

You want what's right
and you want what's left
you take the best
then you leave the rest

youre  just a scavenger
A scavenger in disguise
You do a **** good job
of hiding it
but I can see it in your eyes
it ain't no big surprise
I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your eyes

Just a scavenger in disguise
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