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sara Jul 2018
I wipe marker off the board, and
I have a painful tendency of quickly growing bored.
I can't erase the ink-spots lingering
in high-up corners;
to spare the self-defeat, I teach myself how to ignore them.

Ignore the marks, and stains, and pains
pretend I'm wiped clean, all the same
with little left to lose or gain:
I leave them; growth is self-restraint.

Perfection is a non-existent notion,
so they say;
yet, unobtainability is all I can create.
For in my mind, these false ideals make tame desires stray,
and self-destructive pleasure is my antidote to pain.

I think I'm like a little plant
of stunted growth, just seeds to start,
my plantpot made from breaking hearts:
before I grow, I say I can't.
Before we accept something we must first wholeheartedly reject it.
like England winning the world cup lol

Joking, I just use humor to mask my emotions x
Chris Thomas Jul 2017
Stop me if you have heard this one before.
"Boy meets girl."

Stop. Erase.

"Boy meets girl in a trivial pursuit."

Stop. Erase.

No, there is no meeting at all.
Boy never meets girl, as meeting implies brevity.
A meeting is held in a conference room.
A meeting is not felt to the very core.
A meeting is no flower on the brink of bloom.

The reality is, the world ceases to spin on its axis.
The sun flares at the sight of her.
The moon implodes at the sound of her.
Mars and Venus collide at the touch of her.
All while constellations dance like moths,
Hovering far too close to a flame.

There is no pulse, only rhythm.
There is no break, only bend.
There is no rescue, only flailing.
There is no beginning, only end.

Now boy is standing at the center of a great divide.
And girl disappears, abruptly as the tide.

Stop me if you have...

Stop.  Erase.
nobody Jul 2018
I didn’t sleep tonight
I did something kinda
I never remember being a typical child. I was always wary. And very aware of everything. And I can’t remember a time where my brain wasn’t bouncing around, inquisitive. No matter who you are, there are small things you do that aren’t actually unique. All humans twitch in a spot on their face when they’re disgusted. We all have a nervous tick. Etcetera. Knowing this as a child made me very self conscious. My ego would say it made me self “aware”. But I watched my movements. And paid attention to my nervous tick. Phrases I would pick up and find amusing, and why. I was so careful not to do anything that would put me in a vulnerable spot. I wanted to be perfectly unnoticeable.
And I decided tonight, I’d go through the years that were especially hard for me and addresss the trauma in a chronological order.
Some of my very first memories ever in my life were of violations. I was touched and caressed, but not by my mother. This terrible man with a bit of a belly. And I would have thought it was normal, except for the sick bottomless pit in my stomach. And my rigid muscles. And it hurt sometimes.
Then I remember being with my mother. And staying at the white house with the flower pots filled with cigarette ash instead of soil. And I kinda liked it. The flower pots I mean. But I absolutely loved being with her. So many memories with her. So many sunny memories.
But I started seeing her less and less. And it was just weird. And uncomfortable. I had somewhat numbed myself, and hence there were many years spent I’m a daze. I was dreaming. But it was a melancholy dream. And I remember the foster kids my parents fostered. And they made me do things with another family member. Multiple times. And it was just so odd to me that this would happen, I didn’t know if this was normal or not. But I thought all this time I was somehow responsible and I’m trouble. Or at least, if I discussed this with any adult, it would be entirely unorthodox. Ludacrious.
And there was so much pain.
Then I had grand mal serizures (or however you spell it idc) for around two years I think. Only about like 8? Seizures. But every time it happened I just felt my memory going away. It was the strangest sensation. I would lose an entire week here or there, and days after they happened I would be a little dysphoric. And maybe there is a god that had mercy on me, and gave me those seizures as a way to literally forget some of what I had been through. Or repress I guess.
Anyway, then I was a very charismatic, secretly introverted girl during junior high. I had my first kiss and it really ******. It was just... tense-*** lips smushing against mine. I also had my lips closed though because I didn’t know you parted them for kisses. Like I had always seen my mom and dad do a quick peck so I didn’t know what to do really. But he said I was a good kisser, but what junior high boy wouldn’t say that about any girl he kissed tbh.
And I became VERY devout in the religion I had been raised in. Full-on future missionary. I read the scriptures frontto back multiple times. Blah blah blah.
Then I met my first love, and there was an electric shock that went through my body. I was mesmerized by this feeling. I shook his hand, told him my name, and he told me his. That went on and off from 9th? Grade? until I graduated and a little after. It was a long relationship, full of a lot of different times. Good times, bad times. But mainly we were toxic to each other. We didn’t know how to love properly. He was fighter, who believed he was the king of kings. And I thought that in every single way, he was. I was truly bewitched. And he’d hold me tight, and wouldn’t let me go, even when I wanted to be let go. He collapsed at my feet and sobbed in my lap. And I did the same with him. We were so wounded, but similar. And found solace and endless banter in a moment together.
At this point my mother died. And I travelled barely out of state to attend her funeral. I saw all of my siblings. And stuff slowly started coming back to me. Weird snippets of early childhood existence. I couldn’t process it all, and so I emotionally shut down for the billionth time. But my first love was here for me.
Leaving a note on my doorstep that I remember particularly. “On sunny days, on rainy days. You are just as sweet.” With cherry blossoms.
Funny, my mother smelled like Japanese cherry blossoms.
So eventually we had raging hormones, young teens, and we started becoming intimate. But I was rigid. And in the back of my head, I knew why. I had repressed the repeated acts of abuse throughout my entire life. But I just wanted to forget about that. It didn’t make sense, I loved him, so why should I shy away from physical/****** interaction. I believed I was broken, something more was wrong with me. And one night he fingered me, I guess he had learned that from watching ****? Because I had no idea what he was doing. And it hurt because I wasn’t even wet. But I just was silent with a clenched jaw, not wanting to be a disappointment. The next thing, I lost my virginity to him. And what’s funny is the way he convinced me to is by saying, “For Science!”
I still find that amusing. I was like 17 or 18 I think and still a ******. I should have stayed one. The first time we had *** and I lost my virginity just seemed like I was sleepwalking. I was watching myself interact sexually with him, but I wasn’t present. Every single time I was sexually abused rushed back to my mind. And I felt as though somebody had cut off my limbs, severed my head, packed my whole body (piece by piece) into a business briefcase. And walked out the door with my body.
After that I kind of freaked out. Just too much going on. I couldn’t handle it. And my first love tried to **** himself in the months following. I think, after almost four years of companionship, we had *** only a handful of times, and it got easier and easier for me. But he tried to **** himself after we were “off” again. So I went right by his side, trying to piece together his life so he could be at peace. And not have the turbulent mind he had. And we were together. But then I had gotten up the courage to break it off again, and for good. We needed to move on. I knew what I was going to say to him, I knew I wanted to be close and have one last moment together. Finality. Closure.
But he said, “you kissed another guy. You cheated on me.” And in my head I was like no **** really what about the multiple girls that were your “friends” that you cheated on me with. Throughout the entire relationship? But I said yes, he kissed me. And I’m sorry. And he said, “We’re done.” And got up and walked off, leaving me on the curb in front of his house. No words can describe the torture it was to finally be done. And to have it be on his terms, with no closure. He was so cold. I hated it when he was like that. It was like looking in a mirror.
And that’s all I can talk about.
Funny timing, it’s 7:30 am. No sleep since yesterday at 8:00 am. Ramblings of a tormented soul.
But that was the thing I did tonight. Remember my earliest memories, and go through my life in chronological order. Accepting that it happened. At least to this point. I think I’ll keep going tonight, we’ll see.
But it’s wednesday, and I definitely need to shower for work.
7 - 11 - 16
ThePoet Dec 2016
I'm running out of time
And the clock is ticking fast
But I'm trying to erase
All the damage in my past

I'm running out of time
And these minutes never last
But the darkness that I face
Is the shadow that I cast
Pau May 24
i want to destroy this part of me
that yearns for you,
that aches for you,
because it mourns your absence.
i wake up to each new day in torment.
my mind says no,
but my heart pleads for you.
logic tells me you'll never come back
and that i should pack it up and move forward.
but you've opened the irrational part of me,
the one that believes in feelings and humanity,
and it asks for me to be patient,
to go on and carry whatever i feel for you,
in blind faith.

its a terrible thing,
to have hope
and something you hold dear.
i'm hoping i can eradicate every part of me
that feels for you
and hopes for your eventual return.
nevermind what my heart wants,
you don't want any part of it anyway.
Vivian Feb 24
I am erased,
one I was bold and dark,
standing out of the page,
now I'm faded, erased,

Maybe if you looked hard enough,
you could still see the remains of me,
retrace me with your pencil,
bring life back to me,

But for now I am erased,
faded out,
no one ever reads me anymore,
or see who I am about,

Who erased me?,
it was those words that made me change,
that made me erase,

They said I wasn't worth it,
that I wasn't worth seeing,
and that there tons of new books, people,
that were actually worth reading,

They said my words were in the back,
where no one cared to read,
and that old tree were old trees,
and people only took care of the seeds,

So I erased myself,
and destroyed my scene,
but I let the words be faintly visible,
in cased anyone would retrace me.
Traveler Jan 2014
The Devil pursued until his interest failed
He changed his course straight back to hell
Yet I felt to follow through gates and doors
Caught and married his favorite *****...

The beard that hid my bitter face
I took a razor and I did erase
No more hiding from what I can be
How could I embrace such misery...

Darkness plagues the shadows of mind
Light gets broken in the Devil's design
But we are not pawns without a choice
These are my hands and this is my voice...
Just because we change our ways
doesn't mean the darkness fades.
Re po 2019
ethan gaskill May 2018
she's the first name i write
and the first i erase
i don't need a reminder
to think of her face
she's the blue to my sea
and the yellow to my stars
the light of my dreams
and the blood in my heart
but poets write poems
and never draw pictures
even if it were a choice
i still would've picked her
thomezzz Nov 2018
she waited for him to erase her
as he put his pencil to paper
and created her
he traced the upturn of her smile
precisely picturing the laugh that proceeded
he sketched out the smoothness of her legs
intentionally illustrating the eagerness inside
he outlined the curve of her shoulders
carefully capturing the sadness contained
he shaded in the color of her hair
deliberately detailing her fallen darkness

in his eyes
she was more beautiful
than she could ever see herself
but with every stroke
she flinched
fearing that only inches away
from his creation
was her demise
Jasmin Jul 2015
forget me
i don’t want you to get attached
to someone like me
i leave people behind
without any words coming out from my mouth
i just act like it is our last day
and a lifetime goodbye.
don’t ask why i left
just forget everything about me,
erase the memories
and continue living life.
i might regret my decision
but you won’t regret your future.
One of my Tumblr posts.
Jordan Rowan Mar 2016
It was down in California
Where the light hurt my eyes
I couldn't hear my thoughts or find a reason why
It was down in Louisiana
Where all my friends were now
When something went black and escaped into the south

So I went into the city
Of whatever state I'm in
I can't tell if it's New Orleans or if I'm drunk again
I buried all my secrets
In a tarnished leather book
At which only me and the universe can look  

Thank god for himself
For he's given me pain
And if it's someone else
You can erase them with blame

So I jumped into a truck
Driven by border clerks
But halfway down to Mexico, I knew this wouldn't work
They had it in for laughs
At the expense of broken hearts
I know they meant no harm but they were tearing me apart

The flag above my head
Only made me feel sick
Someone tried to sell me love but I knew it was a trick
But when the sun finally fell
And the stars shined on me
I understood what people meant when they told me I was free
lifeonLSD Oct 2018
Take the pain and paint it
into anything you can imagine

Paint until each drop
represents the tears you shed

Paint until each stroke represents every
touch you erase from your memory

Paint until each color on your plate
represents the blood that bleeds from your heart

Paint as if you can take every last
bit of it and pour it out on canvas

Paint as you are the only who can put it into picture and turn it into
the beauty that holds it all in place
Andrew Jun 2017
I'm so grateful I could die
And then I'd be the Grateful Dead
For every Touch of Grey
You erase
And paint intricate beauty I cannot equivocate
The enigma of your mind
Matches the confusion in my heart
What's the point of talking to someone
if you know what they're thinking?
I enjoy the intense haze
Of your rearranging maze
It's complexity fascinates me

Some of my favorite moments are when
I laugh hysterically as the tears fall down
And you're there
To hit my waterfall with your lightning
My emotions get so charged
As you pump electricity into my current
Making you the conductor
On this lifelong train ride
That's definitely been through some valleys and tunnels
But as we continue to scale this mountain
Negative thoughts can creep in
I wonder if you're disgusted by me
Or what you'd call me if you hated me
And as the tears fall down
I look to the heavens
And laugh hysterically
Thanking God I don't have to live in a world like that
I'm so ******* grateful
Ash Jul 2015
They say there's no such thing as;
time travel,
Yet gazing into your sullen aged eyes,
I see the pain this world has caused you,
the memories you wish you could erase,
I see the glint in your eyes past adventures have left you,
As if I was reading a bittersweet;
mystery novel,
Or watching a replay of your life,
Though your eyes are pools of;
chocolate and locked up secrets,
I can almost feel the bruises and;
aches this world has left you,
Your eyes are an abyss of secrets,
I've been ****** in to your  alluring;
Lost in the small world in your eyes,
Ive found its too hard to come back
Dimitri Ali Sep 2018
Look in the mirror and tell me what you see,
Is your smile weird, maybe its the shape of your face, what about your teeth?
Do some seem out of place?
You're no different from me, I look in the mirror all the time,
Even when I don't need to or when its not wort it.
What do I see ? I see the same as you, all things that I deem to make me less than perfect.
You see we're unhappy with ourselves,
Things we've been taught can be fixed with a product on a shelf,
Somewhere in an isle that feeds off our desire to look flawless.
Yet all we do is buy more and learn to love ourselves less.
What is self love ?
Do you even know where to start?
I don't but I believe that with all love it comes from the heart.
You see we compliment people who talk theirselves down,
But we can't compliment ourselves yet sometimes we give it all to erase a frown.
We're not incapable of loving, you an me.
We're just too blind to see, that we deserve our love too, to be as happy as can be.
Bison Jun 2016
I have expanded through one million dimensions and still I remain flat.
Paper walls surrender my paper heart to the words that erase themselves with age.

If there is meaning I find it meaningless unless you got it right in one guess.
Can you feel blood in my lost chest as it circulates? Maybe that's a mistake.

Do dead men tell no tales or maybe they spin them lacking air to rattle through ragged dead lungs still pink yet misunderstood? Dust that settles behind twinkling stars lets me down above this silent neighborhood.

I think we all grow up to be pirates, Y'know the kind that the Pan hates?
Betraying our childhood dreams and aspirations for backgreens and exasperations.

If this ship is sinking I want to be the anchor, watch it all crash down in slow motion, while it buries me at the bottom of your endless ocean.
Tick, tick, tick. The clock have ceased their tocks.

Cover to cover I think I have found another darling. Can this tale continue to spin while the world above changes page by page?
Exploring stories that stand up to the test of time. Peter Pan has always been a fascinating idea to me. Thank you for reading!
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