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It is hard for me to find love,
because love for me
is not just about
the magic three words.
It is much deeper than that.

It is hard for me to find love,
because I can only fall in love
with person who falls in love
with my thoughts first
then my soul...
Because that's exactly
the way I will love him;
love his thoughts first,
then his soul...
not the physical performance.

It is hard for me to find love,
because I'm a free spirit
who wants to love someone
only if he agreed to free his fear
of being himself,
And brave enough to open
all of his weaknesses before me.
No masks. No secrets.

It's hard for me to find love,
because in my mind
true love will always be
the matter of loving 'the inner soul'
and our free willing
to do all the relationship commitment
without being told to do so.
Then flying together with our own wings to the everlasting.

November 9, 2019
KANYA PUSPOKUSUMO
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com
Today, just for today…
I wish you could come and stay
to be here by my side, that’s what I pray.
Together we’ll spend a fabulous day.

If you were here…
I wish I could whisper in your ear,
and telling you that my heart is so near.
Just feel the love in the atmosphere,
then you’ll see everything so clear

The picture of you is really something.
It makes my heart full of dancing.
You’re not perfect, but so amazing.
It makes me wanna keep singing.

The picture of you is always in my mind.
Upon a star, I wish you could be mine.
You’re not perfect, but one of a kind.
That’s why I want you to be my sunshine.

Kanya Puspokusumo
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com
It was December.
Snowing in there.
The coldest winter I've ever experienced
But my heart was extremely warm,
with every kiss you made on my soul.

I remember every word
you whispered in my ear.
I remember every caress
and how you cherished my life.
I remember everything you did
to throw me to the utmost happiness.

It was December.
Snowing in there.
The coldest winter I've ever had.
But all memories about you warmed my heart,
and made me love you
and miss you more than ever.

Icheon, South Korea

Kanya Puspokusumo
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com
It has been years since
I forced myself for being optimistic.
I forced myself to believe
that my wounds are nothing
but little scratches.
I forced myself to believe
that time can heal all the wounds.

But recently, I then realized that
actually I'm fooling myself.
Because some wounds
can't be healed within time.
The scratches were so deep
and can't be healed by simple ajustment.

And it is not easy to move on
when people around me
are so happy to keep making the new wound
on the wounds that is not yet healed.

So, it is time for me to go for hiding,
living in my sanctuary,
not for running away,
but for letting my soul
completely heal in silence.

Because it is not good if I keep
fooling myself with the all lies of saying
"I'm (always) fine" and "I'm (always) okay",
when I'm actually not..

-Kanya Puspokusumo, 2018
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com
I worship God that is both immanent and transcendent.
I worship God, the creator and supreme being.
I worship God for His mercy to the sinners.
I worship God for His gracious to the kindhearted.
I worship God for His love and compassion to the universe.
I worship God for sending my soul to this mortal world and keeping my conscience alive to do the right and always good things, even in the worst evil environments.
I worship God for letting me stand between the door of life and death, to comprehend many things beyond.
I worship God for letting me see what others cannot see.
I worship God for letting me hear what others cannot hear.
I worship God for opening some curtains of the secret of the universe.
I worship God for being so close to me, especially in the darkest time.
I worship God for lifting me up whenever I fall.
I worship God for giving me peace and hope whenever l'm about to give up.
I worship God for giving me strength when people keep giving me wounds on the wounds that is not yet healed.
I worship God for giving me power to keep picking up all the pieces of the broken heart, and for giving me power to put them together again with the golden glue, to beautify my soul even better.
I worship God for giving me power to forgive the offenders.
I worship God for giving me strength to always walk on His path, even though sometimes I have to walk alone on the path that is full of misery.
I worship God with every beat of my heart.
I worship God in every prayer.
I worship God in every tear that fall in the silent nights.
I worship God in every love and goodness I share to all creatures around me.
I worship God in every name of His that is called with the trembling voice.
I worship God, the creator of my soul.
I worship God, the supreme being and power.
I worship God, the Almighty.
I worship God, the one and only God.
I worship God, the one and only God who loves me endlessly.

Kanya Puspokusumo, 2016
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com
I keep trying to convince myself
there's no way for me to love you.
I dont love you.
I can't love you.
I should not love you.
"Friendship" is the magic word
that should always be a border between us.
But the love keeps knocking at my door,
and brings  the truth which cannot be denied;
that I want you in every aspect of my life,
even though this love
will only be a fire with nowhere to go.

(And deep in my heart,
I can feel that you have the same war:
convincing yourself for not loving me)

Kanya Puspokusumo, 2016
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com
I want to write a poem about you...
Expressing my inner thoughts and feelings
in the most romantic way.
Telling all dreams and desires
in a way that can burn every heart with love.
So, everyone can see that our love
is so deep and real.

But sometimes love lost its words...
It can only speak in the language
that is understood by no one
but two hearts in silence.."

Kanya Puspokusumo, 2016
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com
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