ut Used to be on another poetry site that's closing down and my friends from there invited me here so here I am, hopefully my work can continue to be enjoyed :) *ALL POEMS COPYRIGHT OF CHELSEA RAE AND ARE NOT TO BE USED WITHOUT HER CONSENT* 132 followers / 4.6k words
And I am holding hands with my depression while it screams into a microphone It's used to being center stage The center of attention Poking, proding I'll kiss my love on the lips and it'll tug at my shirt whispering "I'm still here"
It'll grab at me on car rides Pinch my walking down the street Make my nose bleed in bookstores Break my fingers in urban outfitters "I'm still here" "I'm still here!" "I'M STILL HERE!!" Slowly getting louder as I try to push it down
Sometimes I muffle it Quiet it But I can never completely silence it My hand slips And a battle cry is released into the night the duct tape wasn't tight enough Or maybe my grip
I guess I stopped kicking it eventually Stopped fighting it Stop tying it It was The thing I kept in my basement but instead of me trying to make it stay and it trying to escape it fought me to be cemented in my mind taking all my resources starving me emotionally
Maybe sometimes physically
I accepted that it was a part of me
I let sing to me Occasionally After all We're both in the basement And we're
It would sing things Hopeless, Frantic, Scary things
They don't like you There isn't a point in breathing it's mundane, it's uninteresting
You have hurt so many people and been hurt by so many people you're beginning to forget where the line is And which side you're on
If she knew you now She'd be disappointed But she's dead She died before you tried to let her learn who you grew into
They'll all die
We are all just putting off the inevitable Isolate yourself
You know you're happier alone You know he doesnt really love you So stop answering the phone
One night My depression took out a knife And slit her thighs I was asleep but she bled on me all night And in my dreams
I knew the warmth was from tragedy
Though I never bled with her I let her keep me red
Keep me angry
"You'll never have a dad!" she yells.
"You'll never go away" I frown at the shriveled little body of memories and chemical imbalances and tubes and guts and hearts and other dismembered parts And I think
I've known you for so long But i've never really looked at you
I am surprised How different How separate We are
You grab me Poke me Yell at me Hold me Hurt me
This poem could've gone so many different ways, but this is how it ended up.
I've tried to explain That my lungs No longer inflate.
I don't have enough air To even try to resuscitate. I'm on oxygen support now And you don't even care.
I'm sick of desperately gasping for just one breath of fresh air Because I have nothing left. All because I breathed life into someone else. All because I was sacrificing my health. Sacrificing myself.
I can't save anyone anymore. I can only save myself.
Reach into the nothingness With an outstretched arm Inquisitorial And pull a star down from the sky A scar from the skin Or the sight from within a strangers eye Look and see All the potential within that unique life The marring and falling The look of a life lived once alive
There is nothing more peaceful No place more quietly filled with solidarity and truth There is no smile brighter No sound more solemn And no such expression wasted solely on you There is more than expected Midst this endless perspective There are labels which cannot speak ounces of truth There is more than that which appears to all else In this moment I find There is more than just you