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Cynicism that seeps into the heart
And baby, my heart is drenched in black hatred.

Sulfur breath and poison kisses.
I'm your raging demon.

Don't try to get me to settle down
and make me your Mrs.

I'll never be of Love and Light
when I hate my ******* life.

I am never satisfied.

Yet you try to please.

I am uncontrollable pure white fire rage.

Existential dread has taken it's toll
and I have lost the last of my control.

I want War to wage.

Rot to ensue.

The world to burn down right along with me and you.

And I might obsess with total impending doom,
Cause it's better than being stuck in this ******* room.

I can no longer take being alive on this godforsaken planet.
Why make something, just to abandon it?

Don't try to soothe, don't try to caress.

I will ***** out the light within
And possess.

So if you want to keep your sovereignty
Then you better stay the **** away from me.
**** Everything.
I don't understand why I keep filling the void with the things that are supposed to make me happy but I'm just not.

How? Why?

I have every reason to be grateful.
I have everything I could probably ever need now but there's a void and I can't figure out what I'm so **** ******* sad about. So empty for.

I dive deep into my being, into my heart and mind and I can't find it.

The hunger that resides in me.

Is it human?

Is that why we are basically parasites on this planet?

Constantly taking but never giving.

Where the actual **** do I belong?

Where is my home?

Where do I go?

What should I do?

No one is here to tell me now.
No one is here to tell me how.
No one is ******* here.
I literally have no ******* idea what the **** I'm doing.
I don't know if I stopped writing
Because I wanted to make sure you
Never saw the deepest parts of me Ever Again
If it's because you broke me
So badly.
So deeply,
That it ripped out the deepest parts of me altogether.
You ruined me and you know who you are if you're pathetic *** is still stalking me from the shadows.
  Sep 11 Chelsea Rae
A Slow Heyoka
A man seeking sadness finds any excuse
A despondent state of abuse

As all tributary radiance's deplete
Behind the affluent silhouettes of deceit

A temperamental  man once sang, of heartbreak and wealth
Be not fooled by illusions, You created yourself
Poem by A Slow Heyoka 2020
I love the long grass
A shady summer tree
The sound of childrens laughter
Because it's free

Summer moons
At the end of June
When the crickets are all you hear

But most of all I love the fall
And the turning of the leaves

Give me fields where daisies grow
And Queen Annes lace in bloom
Golden rod that gently nods
And of course my Aster Blue

Aster Blue I remember You
A true heart open wide
There's a special place in Gods embrace
For one so sweet and kind

And so I love that time of year
When the asters come to bloom
I know that you are out there too
Sharing the same moon
Oh My God
I want to hòld you
Tightly in my arms
When the night
Is cold and long
Fall to all your charms

Impatiently I await
Your inevitable return
To feel the anguish of my lust
And tortured
Slowly burn

As brief
As our moments are
I savor every breath
You hold my eyes
Until I die
I Love
Every single death

You are my Succubus
My soul is yours
to steal
My heart is yours
to rip apart
So at least I know
It's real
Its a calm September morning. The sky is cloudy gray. The sparrows are bustling in the hedge row. It just might rain all day. I've finished drinking all my coffee and I had a cookie that was infused. Potato salad 4 my breakfast and then I smoked a doob. Don't take me out to where the sun is. I'm feeling gray today. Soon my meds will kick in and the pain will go away. A busted big toe and an achy ankle, a knee that likes to moan. I have a vertebrae that's  collapsed. I can't go far from home. That's just the way it is these days, so I don't care if the skies are gray or if the sun won't be my friend. I'll smile and listen to the sparrows. I got Jesus at the end.
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