A chance meeting we had
A secret all our own
Most others would consider mad

Forbidden meeting
Stolen kisses
Two hearts together beating

From the first embrace
I knew this would be like no other
Forever wish to look upon your face

world out of controll they soon spun
Upside down and colided together
And a new one begun

Attempting to make a new normal
All the while feeling scared
Excited anxious and somewhat paranormal

Ups and downs we will face
But we will find safety and happiness
In each others sacred embrace

I will brave all obsticales
That are thrown in our path
Beacause never have I felt this before
All my love you hath

Running threw the fields of existance
time and distance
******* your brain
prepare to go insane
once you ditch your rules and regulations
and simply live
fall of the train
walk the crooked line
punch the world in its face
and prepare to go into space
cosmic love making
star *******
galaxie *******
turn off the world
turn on and spiral out of controll
but in this
you will find controll
of your body
and your soul

I figgured there is nothing
more uggly
then loosing you but
I'm talking nonsense

there is realy there is

there is that sort of madness
that you did'nt lift a finger
to keep me in your heart

really there is always
somethin' more uggly
we just have to feel
we are **** beautyfull

I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING INSANE. GETTING ****** AROUND LIKE A PUPPET THAT HAS NO WAY OR PATH.

I lay awake with nothing but scatter minded thoughts. I feel like I don't know where to go with no sence of direction.

It's 2 am and I'm still not asleep my mind had full controll as I just get dragged along.

I feel like screaming but I will only makescape people think I'm a psychotic bipolar monster.


I have no way out trapedal in a glass prisom that is unbreakable suffocating with no sleep just going loopy.


I lost my fear with abusing energy drinks.


I'm not insaine I'm not insaine I'm not insaine.


Every thought every word I'm lost with now direction.


Only knowing I'm going to loseither control and crash and burn.

I'm lost scatter minded and I'm bipolar and I can't escape being feeling like a puppet  being played by the evil sensation

Of bipolar disorder scatter minded

Hear the voice of the Bard!
Who Present, Past, & Future sees
Whose ears have heard
The Holy Word,
That walk’d among the ancient trees.

Calling the lapsed Soul
And weeping in the evening dew;
That might controll.
The starry pole;
And fallen fallen light renew!

O Earth O Earth return!
Arise from out the dewy grass;
Night is worn,
And the morn
Rises from the slumbrous mass.

Turn away no more:
Why wilt thou turn away
The starry floor
The watery shore
Is given thee till the break of day.

There was a garden full of butterflies
They we're buzzing around
From flower to flower
It seemed everything was fine

But one butterfly didn't had a nice parental house
The parents often didn't say nice things to it
"You are Not good enough"
But also didn't do other nice stuff

In the school the Others laught about it
And started calling it names
The teachers only looked away
Also when it Changed her colors to Grey

The butterfly tried to be perfect
And wanted at least controll one thing
It wanted to controll it's body
So it lost a bit to much weight

While the others ate and ate
It sat in front of it's full plate
And in her head it praid
"Sorry for not beeing perfect"

The body started to shiver
'Cause it felt cold
Even when the sun was shining
That put it a nother crises

The butterfly's body started to change
It started to get problems with it's skin
But also with it wings
In it body everything started to sting

The day came where it was having a nap
A storm came up
And took the butterfly with it
And it was never seen again

at the start of 2016, old time rocker Bon scott decided to start u[ a rock band

and the songs he will play is the music of astrology and the members of his band is

David Bowie and Lemmy from motor head and Glenn Frey, you see Lemmy and Bowie

and Glenn frey were rehearsing with each other and the first song they did together was

jupiter arising

we were moving up and down the great walls of outer space

understanding that there was a concert playing there

the ,music that was playing was hotel California and the heat is on

and then David Bowie sang ground control to major Tom

you see the music was very loud ya see, very very loud

it was like being back on earth singing to our crowd

oh yeah it is now the hotel california to you

the party that we have, was getting drunk on bottles of scotch

you see that was what my name was mr bon scott

and then i woke up dreaming saying what the heck is happening to me

and the dreaming of a local farmer losing his stock

you see the farmers name was scott and so is my last name

maybe we need to stop terrorism

maybe we need to stop crimes in general

people are committing too many crimes we need to flee them to stop

I know one cosmic music concert isn’t going to stop it no

the man named Jesus Christ said come on Bon we need you to entertain us

my next life is a down syndrome man, living in Canberra

you see he moves his body when he is waiting for the ute doing head banging oh yeah

i really think this whole death thing is quite stupid oh ****** yeah

please send my next life to have some fun, oh yeah jupiter arising


and now here is Davie Bowie

ground control to major Jupiter ground control to major jupiter

this is major jupiter to ground control

planet earth looked doomed and there is nothing more to do

and i will leave my next life to come back and say, i wanna help

ground control to major Jupiter ground controll jupiter

i think planet earth became real bad, with terrorists and people losing lives and all their possessions

ground control to major jupiter

the party is on for young and old and we have no party if the earth doesn’t move

ground control to major jupiter

ashes to ashes fun loving monkey

we know major Tom’s a ******

stuck in heaven and then i met these singers and other singers followed me up

ground control to major jupiter

ground control to major jupiter

i know planet earth is doomed and there is nothing else to do

ground control to major jupiter

all the people in the crowd, just watch ya back because terrorists are coming on your back

ground control to major jupiter


and now here is Lemmy from motor head


i party and i love my life and i know my music was loud ya know

but loud is great and it shows me one thing that i love life

i dream of life and i dreamt of of being dead

I know a lot of us are scared of being dead

everyone lives forever anyway through reincarnation

you can come back to life as a cat or dog or bird

you can come back to life as a magpie or a man who played for the magpies

you see we get down and party party and party on

this is the time for the man to say, let’s party from Lemmy

the motrohead singer who is so cool

he is the singer who breaks no rules

we are on jupiter trying to stop terrorism in outer space and on earth

we need to get rid rid of Ronnie Biggs and Ted Bundy and many many many more

Ahhhhhhhh!   Ahhhhhhhh!, let’s party let’s [arty

as we het together and say, stop the terrorists we certainly say


and now it’s Glenn Frey’s turn

the heat is on, it’s on the street

the heat is on burning everyone we ,meet

the heat is on, we will party right

every day and every night

you see now we have the action and we will keep the flood lights on

because if the heat still is with us, we need the water from the flood to cool us down

the heat is on oh yeah

oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah

we are caught up in the action we are looking up to you

oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah

hotlel califorina is sang so great

and the heat is on every day and night

oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah

caught up in the action i am looking up ro you


you see Bon Scott wants this to be a way that music can calm the savage beast from within

and everyone says to each other howdy, and i say to my recent deceased in music glenn frey and

Daeid Bowie and Lemmy, and i want to show how cool these musical artists were when they

brought their music to help save the world and now musci can save the universe and now here

is john Lennon

i know that there is no heaven, nirvana is the key

there is no hell below us, above us is the parties we have up here

there is no god up here, i wish their were

but i am sure that there is peace up here, let’s bring this peace to earth

imagine all the people dead or alive

you see people say we are dreamers

but we are not the only one

i hope one day you will join us, and the universe will be as 1

there will be space ships taking us anywhere we like

i don’t care how long it takes my friends


and the world will be as one


and now the party is on, and we are attempting to save the universe with music

A country without people is just land.
A King, Queen, Dictator, would be powerless.
You can't demand loyalty if you're harmimg people.

Every revolt that comes about against rulers.
Was created by the way you handle the people.
People makes the world go around.

A country with presidents.
Are controlled by the people.
With that strength they request to be respected.

Except be aware and alert.
That a country without people is just land.
You can't dictate.
You can't command.
If they rise up to retrieve the land.
If you been evil handed.
With the people treated like trash.

Pleasants, slaves and simple folks.
Has power to eradicate you.
And controll-what you had.

life goes down and up like a roller coaster like every one says and thats lie and a myth to all people with problems its more like a snakey road with curves and sharp turns to left to right you amy never know whats coming your way some days are nice and smoothe like a clear path road and others have a clear path road but is blocked by traffic and cant find their way to a short cut to the easy and never get the real life that doesnt hit them till thier older and things start doing snakey roads start loosing controll and then turns to sharp turns left to right to mistake to mistake...

i  want to keep controll
i want to keep my path clear
not blocked by traffic
not by any one
not you
nor by
me
.
i,
am
my
own
self
that
choose
its
own path
not
by
you
nor
me
but
nobody

i choose by nobody rule...i ask you can you do the same??

why do you try to controll me..
do you want to be me?
with a slight switch
if i was a broken toy
you want my body
my genetics
and anything that employs
ME.
you wish you can destroy
ME.
so you can enjoy ?
your jealous
so you try to trick my mind
give me kind advice
as in if i was blind

I remember I was scared to death
the first time I had a girl alone with me
I remember thinking
do I just pull it out and present it
Or do I wait for her to ask to see it
or do I just sit here and talk untill she says "are we gonna do this"
Or do I go "are we gonna do this"
instead we watched like 2 hours of random tv, talked, I showed my Tattoos
she Showed me ones that she will be getting someday on her body.
And then it Happened the sign
The flip of the hair
The little Flutter of the eyes
I knew I had to make my move
So I said "I've been looking at you since I first saw you and wondered what'd be like to kiss you"
she says "well are you gonna keep wondering or do it"
We begin to make out in the back of my head im praying she doesnt start using tounge
because im horrible at french kissing. Luckily it didn't happen
As I begin to rub her back I unsnap her braw with one hand
which I never did before that.
The shirt came off smoothly and I looked at a set of amazing little perky *******.
I tasted her flesh surrounding this tender area
and took my shirt off
revealing my skrany tatted up body.
She began to push down on me and soon as  was on my back and she was Hovered over me.
I remember thinking to myself THIS IS AWESOME.
just as she thought she was in controll I flipped her over brushed my hands down her hips.
AND IT HAPPENED the moment you know your getting laid (my brother told me this before)
The slight arch of her back just enough for me to remove her pants in a swift motion.
The rest is history
or should I say Herstory.
I remember the next day going to school
and later on seeing her at parties
and eventually I never seen her again
somehow or another she just vanished
to this day I dont Know where she is
but **** can I remember everything about that night
her outfit down to her ear rings
what song I had playing (Tupac How do You Want It)
the nervous tick  I do with my thumb nails clicking them haha.
she asked me if This was my first time ( I replied yes)
She told me that I was her first also (not like first)
but first time actaully being made love too.
she said I knew exactly what to do
and that she never had a man actaully take his time with her.
I brushed her hair back
and whispered in her ear ( in all the seas and all the lakes I found  mermaid by mistake)
my little way of saying she was speacil.
I've never found another mermaid is what im getting at
and honestly after all the girls past present a future
I'll never have another night like that
so if your out there Aubrey
this writings for you

BLAST   —   direct focus on a terrorist virus
that swims in breath and touch,
in globules of spittle and ssnot see,
waiting to plant roadside RNA bombs
in nostrils—from flesh to newsflash fantasies

with

a Fear-O-Meter Lockdown grip
of Crisis Management Economics:
Gaslit Fiat economy crash test dummies
tested within psychosocioschizological
experiments of the psychobacteriological

transfer of power, control, and wealth—

stats data for thinktanks and simulations:
which strategies are best to get the peasants  
to willingly offer up their lives for an illusion
of safety and protection, what causes people
to remain compliant or to become renegades.

Capitalism, the revolutionary meant to usurp
Queens and Kings, corrupted into a negative
Technocratic Corporatocracy: a Royal Trash
death cult that feeds on its young, sacrifices
its youth to scams, wars, and stolen futures:

a Technocrat Herr Doktor drug pusher
that plies the skin of trial control groups
for the venom of Warpspeed fangs—wraps
its coil around a bundle of willow switches
supple with youth, its victims kept alive

as a fuel source to burn in the corporate engine, and kept weak enough to require another fix "For the betterment of the whole."

(Gaslighting fills mandated shower-coops:
"Trust us, you're sick, and it's your fault.")

Pollute people into isolation against an enemy that has never been truthfully isolated and purified—
an Orwellian leap of faith that breaks:
a crusher of foundational laws,
a crusher of critical thought and bones.

"Destroy (transform) your dreams, milestones, and livelihoods for your safety and protection. We are doing this for you. We care about you. These numbers, these awful numbers are your fault! You're to blame! It's all your fault!"

"Make sure to vote for me come next election."

As much as North America is a globalist,
the New World is also its own experiment.
Fortress North America: the Eugenicist Manager founded upon colonialism and slavery that outsources its crisis economics—
highly contagious, bit with its own snake oil,
an experiment observed to show symptoms
of AIDS, North America attacking itself
in many ways, symptoms of having been
grazed and groomed for decades

in contagion-based sociopolitical templates
that result in acquired bipolar autoimmune
disease: past enemies and geists attained
boosted immunity to defend, adapt—learned
to deflect Sun Tzu's Art of War into itself

with its own momentum. "Unrestricted
Psychological Warfare": a process of confusion and doubt that leads to the demoralization and dehumanization of the target enemy via the subversive tactics of propaganda plowing, cultural memetic warfare, the infection of economy, politics, military, scientific and educational institutions and systems—
cybertech and media espionage and warfare,
all of it leading to symptoms of extreme

polarization and social moral tribalism—
a decades-long psychological, physical
and spiritual draining of the enemy
into a weakened, toxic state, barely worthwhile to conquer fully. The enemy does the rest,

finishes itself off with:

Acquired (Red Auto)ImmunoDefiency Syndrome

Red CONtroll COVID-19 debt slavery—
pandemic crisis, CoVfefe crisis, energy crisis,
population crisis, climate crisis, racism crisis,
market crisis, war crisis, terrorism crisis,
ISIS is is cry sis in crisis and crisis
in crisis debt slavery to the State: Toadies

for the "New Normal" Big Pharma-Big Tech
mechanical heart engine that thrums
with a beat that Zooms in on, Zooms out from
false-positive test results amplified

and distorted into AIDS:

Amplified Information Distortion Syndrome

and

an Acquired ImmunoDeficiency Syndrome
in conjunction with a near-infinite number
of variables and determining factors—
an Auto-ImmunoDeficiency Syndrome of
body, mind, soul, and political systems
cruising along an acquired, contagious loop
of a negative-sense RNA socialist Autobahn—

highly contagious, highly experimental in
unprecedented moments of crisis and mirrors: reflections of reflections of reflections
amplified and bent
in sleight-of-hand misdirection and deflection with the virus holding a mirror's face outwards

while

an mRNA 'treatment' infects human cells
to conquer and command them to become
bomb making factories that create
SARS-CoV-2 S-proteins—yes, yes, "inactively" teach T-cells with double-think McCure-all bandAIDS to 'help' identify SARS-CoV-2 RNA. Understood. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction

(for the Terrorist within)

"Here's a fast-tracked vaccine that supposedly boosts the immune system that you're being commanded to weaken."

GMO sleeper cells and non-celled sequences
that can attain causality and symbiosis with
drug and antibiotic resistant organisms,
are sold as the cure that ills

and

misdiagnosed and misunderstood symptoms
of anything and everything
in-between that we've known and seen
are blamed on a laboratory Chimera:

the scapegoat terrorist virus designed
to be highly contagious and gentle to its host
for vaccine programs: Mary's Monster attaining the flame of life within
its Promethean host.

Who made who?

Who knew that the FDA NIH CDC
WHO-Fang North American China Flu Clan

flew the fear and media spread. "Wait for our
next update." Live TV, live virus

with billions of shortsighted treatments
adding ripples to an overflowing soup bowl
of trillions x trillions of RNA particulates,

inactive/active — off/on — negative/positive

Switch:

Spin PCR in the Petri dish:
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish!
What a lot of fish there are!

This one has a little yellow star.....

("Mission Accomplished")

The time draws near the birth of Christ:
  The moon is hid; the night is still;
  The Christmas bells from hill to hill
Answer each other in the mist.

Four voices of four hamlets round,
  From far and near, on mead and moor,
  Swell out and fail, as if a door
Were shut between me and the sound:

Each voice four changes on the wind,
  That now dilate, and now decrease,
  Peace and goodwill, goodwill and peace,
Peace and goodwill, to all mankind.

This year I slept and woke with pain,
  I almost wish'd no more to wake,
  And that my hold on life would break
Before I heard those bells again:

But they my troubled spirit rule,
  For they controll'd me when a boy;
  They bring me sorrow touch'd with joy,
The merry merry bells of Yule.

Stop
Drop
And roll
This ***** is on fire, she's out of controll
Don't try to follow, you'll get lost in the flow
Like a rollercoaster she'll take you to the top
A hesitant stop
As you prepare for the drop
Then the ultimate roll
As she drops you in the hole
Where only the darkness dares to go
What is her goal
Is it to steal your soul

Hell no
She just wants to show
What it's like
On the tip of the spike
What it is to live her life
She'll give you the rhythm
Of what she's been given
She'll give you the rhyme
Of a life out of time
She'll show you the holes
Within her soul
Where the monsters took and stole
What happens when only agony grows

Stop
Drop
And roll
It's the only way to go
When you've turned to stone
Because every cut is to the bone
In her mind only demons roam
Every night is a fright
Everyday is a fight
So hold on tight
It's a ride for your life

I Can’t Stop Stop Twitching,
My Control Over My Bones Is Missing,
Its What My Arm And My Kneck Do,
Im Forever Served Tourettes Soup,
Stop Moving Dude, Don’t Be Impulsive,
Don’t ******* Speak To Me,
I Cant Controll It,
Involuntary They
Wont Stop Staring,
So Dark And Scary,
I Wanna Relax, And Sit Still
When I Die , That’s When I Will,
My Memory And Organs
Damged From The Doctors Pills,
7 Nerouglosist Followed By 32 Psychologist,
Bi Polar What You Calling This,
Im Anxious Cos Theres no Fix Or Blanket,
And Im Intense Cos Rest Is Vacant,
So I Yea I Got My Issues,
Andrew I Miss you,
Ive Been Abused & Misused, Used Up All Tissues,
I Just Want To Be free,
Seizures Trapping Me,
My Wings Flap Rapidly,
Will It Happen Still After The
Body Im In Is Decomposed.
And Theres No Bones For My Subconscious
To Grab And Have Controll,
I Bleed Often And I Know,
Angels Sing In Opera Tones,
Do I see A Doctor , No
They Took My Freedom And My Home,
Mental State is Everything,
15 years 90 Pills Brings Heavy Change, Umbrella Broke , tHough I Embraced The rain,
That’s Why Im So Forginging And Giving,
Cos My Soul Lives In Hole That IM Forgetting,
COs My Brains Changed From The Brain Chains,
I Cant Recall The Child Hood That Was Taken Away,
Im Been Making Plans Peter Pan Awaits,
Most Food People Distate, I Find Grate,
Jail Doors And Psych Wards,
Group Homes, Homeless, Treatment Centers,
Phone less, Impatient patient patiently
Waiting For The Phone List,
no Friends Know Him,
I Know Thunderstorms And Snow Wind,
I Can Guid The Way,
Make A Sacrifice And Die To Day,
Some Say My Minds Beautiful, Cos My Freedom
Has Been Locked Away,
So Inside Of My Mind Is Where In Travel With SuitCased Full OF Pain
I Listened For 1000 Years
I Have An Awful Lot To Say,
Most People Cant Understand him
Cant Fathom The Phantom
That Grabbed Him At 7 When Chanting,
Im Desperate,
Darkness Where My Bed Is,
Grave Yard Where My Head Sits,
I Breathe To Release The Beast Inside Of Me,
Armageddon,
IF I Die Alone I Wont Sweat,
I Just Want Hold Hands Of People
On Death Beads Transcending To The Next Step,
My Heart Bleeds For Peace
And The Needs Of Other To Be Achieved,
Im At Coast In Black sMoke By The Sea
Ascending Into Better Things,
I’m a light House To Night Owls,
And Memories
As I Turn To Ash,
I don’t Ask You To Remember Me,

some people don't know that they are controlling

Would I? Myself
Want to controll another?
Only if I needed to controll myself.
Only if I didn't trust
That my life was safe and secure.
Only if I had something
Left to lose.
What's the harm right?

Right!
The harm is
That you become responsible
For another's happiness
Do not change others
Let them be who they are
Let them be what they are
If it doesn't serve you
Keep them at bay
For you are the only one
Responsible for your own happiness.

Accept others in to your life
And only ever ask them
To make themselves happy.
And never forget
To make yourself happy too.
Because that's where
Consistent joy lies
You have the power
To choose your own path
To some extend
And then comes the soul.
the soul is the boss*

Do not stop
To ask others to suit your needs
You have to suit your needs
What others do for you
Is their own choice
And when it's good
It's the deepest expression
Of how much they love you.
That is true love
And it is as vast as time.
Allow it in to your life
And you will see
Miracles manifest.

It matters not who you are where from
Each entity has and is a soul things to say
What it sees from where its standing
Upon any given night and any given day

Each soul has a voice and every poem too
Is what it wishes us to experience knowing
From wanting us to gather information
Happiness sadness Love from winds blowing

We make it harder for our souls thinking
That we controll our fate destiny and way
Instead of listening to our souls own voice
And what it has us for us to explore any day

Be it love in all forms from lust to simple care
And it gets angry with us ignoring its request
We often give ourselves advice its our ignorance
Not having been there yet not knowing of its test

Convincing ourselves we know when we do not
Telling others of our own ideas how it should be
Reasons why we should listen to it act upon it
Have bodies minds hearts sail that unsailed sea

It comes to us with a thought a wish a need
And we decide oh no thats not for me and so
We miss its requests for us to find out first
Before speaking for it not allowing do it go

Think of all many advise without knowing
Of things we have never known but insist
Of things situations emotions never learned
Feelings we feel not me but still  never kissed

Saving ourselves religious fantasy from equals
Listening to endless advice from pretenders
Who never have been there but know it all
Without lives putting  lives through blenders

Ignoring our own souls requests playing god
Our souls get angry adding karma to awake
Then us blaming others life others unknowing
When its ourselves to blame  our own mistake

Walk those paths never walked befor then advise
Know more of things we ridicule often true
Know what a situation feels like first of all
They might be  way better than we ever knew

Endless reason there are for allowing our souls
To request us to do as it wants us to do
Then after we experience pass its tests
We might like dislike love admire of them true

Many reasons are there for its voice being poetry
Try to read others writes between lines that be
Think deep then write of how you imagine was
If not known then go sail that unknown sea

https://sep.yimg.com/ay/yhst-13927681880659/bronze-the-thinker-sculpture-2.jpg

terrence michael sutton
copyright 2018

Confusion
Of what I'm told
And what I'm taught
The defiance of letting others controlled you has completely been shattered
What's the point of a question when when there's only one choice
What's the meaning of a choice
When you're not allowed to make a decision
Why can't decisions be made
Unless it's approved by someone else
"It's supposed to make you a stronger young woman"
She said
Then she took over
Playing me like a puppet on strings

The wind gently blows the trees
They sway gracefully
The sun smiles down on the world
you can hear the babble of an unseen brook
What a nice day
The bees buzz
The birds sing
The world is at peace

Relax
Breathe
Be at peace
Accept yourself and feel a weight lift
Let yourself be happy
It's all in your controll
Don't let the world dull your glow

I think im fat on some level even thoguth i know im not

I never understand myself

I lie so much I dont know what is true

I hate hurting people but everything i do seems to have a negative affect on someone I love

I hate disapointing people

I love when people disapoint me

I think suicide is selfish
and i hate that i have tried it 4 times

I wish I could be perfect for everyone
Even if i lose myself

I wish I could let someone else live my life while i just disapear

I fall in love with to many people I lose

I push away all of my freinds so they dont push away me

When I was younger i use to hit my legs with hammers so i wouldnt have to run track so i could stay home and help my mom (Why my knees always hurt)

I dont want people to care about me

And yet all I want to do is know you care

I want my father to hurt me so bad I'm not recognizable
Then I will finally feel the hurt I have wanted to feel my whole life

I forgot how to cry

When I was younger my best freind died of cancer

I use to be able to think of somethign sad and cry on demand

I just want someone to **** me

I day dream about murdering, hooking up, and ****** almost every one I see at random moments and I cant controll it.

I've been broken and fallen to prices,
I've tried so hard,
Tried to make it work,
Get you to love me,
Been the sweetest most romantic guy,
I've delt with your problems and imperfections,
But you break me and I've had enough,
Enough of you and your ****,
You will never be mine and have ignored me one too many times,
My feelings have fallen back to numb and you're the one that made them emerge,
So I'm over it all and back to the way before we met,
Before you crushed me,
Not feeling, no want,
Nothing but anger that I controll with ease,
You won't break me again but I may you,
Because when you come back,
Wanting me,
Wanting my protection,
Wanting me to make you feel happy,
I'm gone and out of your reach,
You will never know how much you missed.

It's always growing
Collecting dust
This mountain of thoughts
Harboring rust.

Omitting a dark reflection
I can't help but stare
To ominous to wonder
How many might be there.

Unfocused, unkempt
Far to entangled to muse
This mountain of thoughts
Has left me confused

Too soon had I lost
Controll of it all
This mountain of thoughts
Needs to withdrawal.

Bleed out and purge
Alleviate the Pain
This mountain of thoughts
To much for my brain

the feeling inside , i cannot describe not anger nor sadness , a certain kind of fustration. i am different in some strange way. feelings come and go yet this has stayed. All for a reason. never knowing why. for i am an embryo wating wanting coveting for the one day i will emerge into something beautiful. i wasnt always this way. the only way to save myself is they way ive avoided for all my life. please? hello? where are you? come here and save me. i cant resist you, its just not enough to say that i miss you. there is so much left to be said but i just might as well be better off dead. but ill stay alive and the reason why ill stare at the beautiful night sky it leave me breathless the same way you do , but ow could i covet somthing ive never had so badly. i am the laste spring blossom. while others bloom each in their beautiful ways shapes and forms i stay a bud. most wont pick it because its not a beautuiful flower but beauty is fleeting and one day while all the other flowers end there peak and whither away. i will thrive. thrive better than anyone elese ever way some day mabye one day baby. you will find out who i am.please? hello? where are you? some here and save me . there is so much more to be sead but i might as well be dead. i cant resist you , its not enough to say that i miss you. im not in denial this is my last trial to accept this bittersweet illusion from the moment we are born we slowly die. screaming at the thin door that seperates fact from fiction. its all just a dream. forever running in place it wont be fast enough. ive lost all controll but this path has taken a toll. ill figure this out all on my own. blurry eyes please look at the beautiful night sky. it wasnt always this way . someday mabye one day baby

Prepare yourself,
this gets interesting












Have you ever imagined how a hanging body sways.
Back and forth
A human pendulum
The physics between each swing.
The noose,
The body
potential to kinetic energy
Over
And over
And over.
welcome
To the dark side of my brain,
The dark side of my art we call poetry.
This is the side not many see.
Because this side of me craves a bullet between my eyes,
My delicate blood to be splattered as artwork.
This is the raw side of me.
That i dont show people
This is terrible you could be thinking
Or...
You could be thinking
ive heard worse
And maybe so
But nothing is worse to me than wishing for ******* death,
Rather than looking at a ******* abuser one last ****** time!
ive had enough
And
I know im crazy.
But every human snaps...
Kind of like the time he snapped my arm
a slight pop
And
Ouch
A world of pain.
But stop,
And you could be thinking...
now what the actual **** am i reading
Allow me.
You are reading a lonely 15 year old boy's crazy side.
A side he can easily hide,
But has decided not too.
This is the thought of letting my inner self free just once
Letting my suicide revolver speak only in poetry just once
No,
If you actually care
Dont worry about me.
Im fine.
Im not gonna guzzle bleach
Pop a bullet
Or go for a physics lesson.
Nope im gonna keep living
And writing crazy **** like this.
Let my imagination, though dark it may be, run for a bit.
Heres the truth.
We all have a bit of this side in us.
We all have those thoughts.
Those whispers.
And i resist them, yes.
Because truth is,
its my inner brilliance
The fact that i let myself ease in to the darkness,
But refuse to let it controll me...
Its a true gift.
And i hide it
Behind a thin veil of happieness.
Because in the end,
Only a true lover can make these thoughts mend.
(Wait what the ****!?! Is this a **** love poem)
Ha!
Nope.
Well maybe a bit
Its just me
An average guy
Telling you,
Im lonely
Depressed
Insecure.
And i hope there is someone
To come with me
To be with me
To love me
To hold me
To make me feel whole again.
*do you believe someone could love such a wreched person like me?

He’s saying,
As long as you stay, you can leave as you please

He’s saying,
As long as you return to me by sunrise, you can run free at midnight
Saying nothing When I come home by daylight, just as long as it seems we are together in public eyes.

Games we play are pure Deceptions.
I’m in home sweet prison, we are papered bind, chained by delusions and lies. Our love is like doing time and even though he senses the unhappiness on my mind, he says to me all the time “you will be alright”

"I do" was my crime. Our child is the paying fine. So I’m Akon "Locked up" until He closes his eyes. He hears when I sneak out, so even he sleeps with one eye open, towards my unfaithful behavior. He Pretends to be blind.

Im Trained to be home momentarily. Agreeing to be in his detentions temporarily.
For when he met me my love was untameable widly desired to be spirited and free

But he refuses my request to be free. He holds on tight and that’s even if it’s killing me.

So when he senses my  surpressive screams to finally leave. He will rush to leave out the set of keys. Within my arms reach. by my bar side intentionally. because he knows my desire to run yet in need of a safe home.  he holds  the keys.  Giving me a copy version to be free.

And If I don't return like we lawfully agreed, The punishment of manipulation will be black hole deep. He will catch me and emotionally blackmail me. Verbally put on the handcuffs, steal away my keys.
appoint me to the critical  judge, reminding me he’s the man who holds my Keys to leave.

Presenting my  past and mistakes to the courthouse packed with tyrants, which will be past me's. Deferment my character, rule me as guilty. Killing my spirit by Belittling my dreams. Crying that I attempted ******. attempting to **** him. for attempting to steal me.

He won. Victimized and trapped I return to my cell.
After verabally placing on the black and white strips and putting me through hell.

handcuffs on tight, game face on right,
He taunts me with tactics all day and night......

30 days of his controll, guilt trip complete.
He surprises me with kind  gesture and ask how bad do you want to be free?

He plays with sound of jingling keys, a melody that sounds good to me
Next to my Bar side, He finally placed down my set of keys
And reminds me,
That as long as you return here by sunrise, you are free to leave

Granddaddy I'm having the most
difficult time, that's what she said
to me.

I laughed to myself and said to her,
my love what could your problem
possibly be.

Granddaddy I'm cleaning out my
toybox she said. I have to get it
under controll.

I laughed to myself and I just could
not believe. these were the words
of an six year old.

We talked a little while longer and
I assured her that she could conquer
whatever she set out to do.

She giggled with pride and before
she hung up the phone, she said
Granddaddy I love you too.

A faint "hello?"
I turned
"Yeah?"
"Im scared" even fainter
"Why?"
I stuttered
"This world is too dark"
"But you...youre in a closet"
His only words were,
"Exactly"
_____
This world we live in
The voices we often hear
Are nothing but occurances.
Nothing but odd happenings.
This world
Is out of controll
And we,
Have nobody to blame
but ourselves
Our rebellious nature.
We all have a clone in the closet
Scared of everything.
My clone
My other me
Resides there
Watching everything from the dark.
The world's evil is waiting
Like a shark
Hanging around to see the pain.
The world
Is over
...
It has been
Yet we continue to abide.
Corrupt
To the core.
A place where everyone thinks
Everybody's a *****.
We are outraged by the littlest things.
And
Im beggining to fall faint
Ive grown tired of this life.
Its used.
Generic.
I wish we could be something else entirely
Sounds great.
Because im just old me.
Abandoned, if you will.
Im just a poet
That just keeps noticing
Noticing
Noticing.
This...
Voice in the closet
is wiser than any one of us
Next time you hear them,
**take a listen

From inside I may be crying,
But outside I will always be smiling,
No one notices,
But it's hard for me to controll

My physical wounds would heal
But my heart will never.
The night is yet to be over,
But my emotions are beaten,
And my brain has become more valuable,
It's.in general

Then comes the teaes, and i think how to change?,
As i cry for rage,
You say you understand,
And lend me a helping hand.
That may be true,
But first stand in my shoe.
You.will take a scoop of nothing but shame.

Strong and then weak,
Happy and then sad,
Sometimes feeling hopefull,
And always dreadinh the bad

I stand scared and uncertain,
And ask myself "where am I?"
It's dark in here
Don't know what to do.

Thoughts stomp in my mind,
Let me get out of here,
I try and try and try.
But the light goes further and further apart.

Every day, Every hour and Every momment
I live in shame
But then i close my eyes
See someone whose most important in my life,
And think "Life is full of problems,
I need to fight it to make it big"

There's just one thing I long to do to you.
My minds fed up;
Frustrated.
I want to give you a *******
Facelift!
Staring at yourself
have you ever seen-
Your face so beautiful?
Have you ever been replaced
While watching it all go down?

I can't erase you from my mind
I can't controll the way I feel
Your memory
Consumes me
Like the cancer that you are.
I can't erase-
Or turn back time.
I'm so ******* sick from this
DEPRAVITY
CONSUMES ME
time to **** this ******* *****.

This times for real *****
Deep breath in!
Beauty...
It's only skin deep!
And so is my knife,
I'll erase you!
This times for real now
So let's begin!
Maybe it's always been me...
It's all in my mind,
I'll replace you.
REPLACE YOU!
IT'S ALL IN MY MIND [I'LL REPLACE YOU]

I do not want to be thin
So I say.

And yet, I,
Me, myself,
Carefully controll
Meticulously manage
22-inch waist,
And still shrinking away.

Watching slowly as the horizon of the sun begins to fade with a dence glimer beyond the mountains, earth shaking causing a trimer. Im busy day dreaming of you. Feeling as if my body has lost controll loving you so much has taken its toll on me. I cant believe someone as perfect as you exsist. So the given fact makes me want to hold onto this with great protection and never ending love.

she was just another teenage girl!
Who drank from loves poison,
Till the world let her slip,
And she fell into darkness,
Too afraid to face her self,
She loses controll,
Hopelessly lost,
She screams till her lungs give way,
He ripped out her heart,
And threw it to the stars,
The world locks it up,
Hidden in the universe,
Forever beating through the fire,
Lost in it’s flames,
Now she wanders the after life,
Consumed by her burning pain…..

"Who am i?" I ask myself,
Nobody can tell me,
Nobody can teach me,
Who am i and what i need is
Something i need to figure out myself.

I finally get my answer,
I'm me .
I am what am meant to be,
I am as bad as the worst,
But thankhod as good as the best.

For me what you seee is,
What you get.
Yes you may call me naive,
But i love my life.
I am happy
And for that my freind,
I make no appologies.

I hav had some up's and downs
Super highs and some really low lows
I dont regret what i hav been through,
Cause i know i hav been blessed with my life,
And rewarded with hood freinds,family and good health.

I am not in a competition,
With anyone else,
I am in a race of my own.
I hav no desire to the game of being better,
I just aim to improve.

I am selfish,impateint and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I'm out of controll
And sometimes i am hard to handle,
But if you cannot handle me at my worst,
Then you don't deserve my best.

I would rather be hated for who i am,
Than being loved for whom am not.

I am unique,
I am speacial.
I am who i am meant to be,
I am me :-),
And. thats all

I'll ever be.