late at night, i lie awake
thinking of things i should have said
all the mistakes i've made
and signs i should've read

then think about what i can't live without
you, front and center in my mind
sometimes it feels like halfway love
almost, but not quite

still, parts of you make me whole
who i am and who i need to be
i think of love letters that weren't torn up
feelings of blue and green

when i'm without you
blank page, artless innocence
i realize how dependent i've grown to you
and feel the need to create a distance

sometimes i look up at the purple sky
and wonder if you're looking too
i gaze at the colors and the beauty of it all
though its beauty would never compare to you

we could go to Paris,
or just stay at hoᴍe
would be ᴀ dream to travel
the world, but if i'm with you,
i've ꜱeen enᴏugh

because ɴo place i could
ever visit would be better
than being with you
but one day we'll be sipping coffee
in a French cafe, and i won't
have to choose

this is not how i dreamed
i’d spend my thursday
deteriorating mental image
staring at me

i’ll do what must be done
to keep you a little longer
foolish of me to think
i could keep you at all

i wish there was a term
for the way your lips feel
when they spell out the words
“i love you”

or something that could capture
the way the clock stops
when you’re the only one i can see
in the room

oh, i’ve searched every dictionary
every thesaurus entry
for “love”
and i’m still looking, but babe
i don’t think i’ll ever find
the words

you've got no words
you're speechless
i tend to have that effect

tell me you're done
but say it to me softly
don't wanna feel the rush
of being broken-hearted

if i ever stop
to think and reflect
i'll never catch up
back to where i should be

i pick at my fingers until they bleed
strange that i can't pick when i must

noise getting louder
temperature's rising
room's getting crowded
but i'm still up pacing

why don't you tell me i'm overthinking
why don't you tell me i should start dreaming

i know i'm just being overdramatic again
what was i thinking? i should be content
with just pretending that i'm happy

breath getting heavy
i know what you're thinking
and you say you're sorry
but you don't mean it

why don't you tell me i'm overthinking
why don't you tell me i should start dreaming

i know i'm just being overdramatic again
what was i thinking? i should be content
with just pretending
that
       i'm
             happy

i stare more than i talk when you're around
and hope that you don't notice
it's not my fault you leave me speechless- i'm just bad with words
it's artless adolescence

when you're gone i miss you bad and i can't cope
i'm stuck here while i wait for you

tell me it's all going to be okay
it's fine to feel this way
tell me you feel it too
and when you're away- too far away
tell me that you miss me too

you've given me the proof i need, but my brain's still a wreck
a roller coaster of cynicism
but there's hope yet, you seem to like it when i'm all choked up
that's failure at it's finest

when you're silent i miss you bad and i can't cope
i'm stuck here while i wait for you

tell me it's all going to be okay
it's fine to feel this way
tell me you feel it too
and when you're away- too far away
tell me that you miss me too

i wish i missed the weekends
but now i'm torn up a day without you here,
staring at the white walls you splattered with green
i wish i missed innocence
being able to fall asleep at night,
but i'm wide awake and i don't hate it.

easier said than done
to just trust someone
how am i supposed to know
if you're the one?

not sure if you quite know
how much you mean to me

maybe you don't
and you're oblivious to
the hurricane you cause
in my brain
is that why we are
so far apart?

or maybe you do
perhaps you've seen
this hurricane
the strange brew of emotions
that only appear for you
and it scared you away

no matter the requital
(or lack thereof)
you're still the water
that fuels my wind

my love for you is this hurricane
and i've always loved the thrill

rainy like my eyes
lately i despise
being alone
i don't like being alone

shaky like my knees
when i tell you, please,
fall in love with me
won't you fall in love with me

i can't stand it when
you call me a friend
don't you see, you should be
thinking of me differently

your heart's been broken too many times
but i could be the one to make this right

tummy's filled with butterflies
turned so blue
but i did my best to tear
every golden bit from you

my mind is racing
but my heart's keeping up
my body's chasing
a dream i just can't touch
so close to reaching, but it just slips away

staying up late just
to think of you once more
intoxicating
but i can't get enough
i think that i might be going mad

i can't bring myself to think of anyone but you

call me obsessed, you got me too messed up
life's got me feeling so dead and the remedy is you
call me obsessed, it can't be bad to confess
that i'm falling in love with you over and over again
call me obsessed

every night, i
see you in my dreams
and then i wake up
you disappear from me
and i'm stuck with your ghost until i see you again

i know i shouldn't
give you the time of day
and write a song to
give all my thoughts away
but maybe a cleansing is what i need, because

i can't bring myself to think of anyone but you

call me obsessed, you got me too messed up
life's got me feeling so dead and the remedy is you
call me obsessed, it can't be bad to confess
that i'm falling in love with you over and over again
call me obsessed

hey stranger,
used to read your mind just like a book
and i am only as in love with you
as you can spare a look
hey disaster,
won't you go ahead and bring me down
because i have no use for feeling empty
guess i'll be seeing you around

what a beautiful, beautiful heartache
from such a radical, terrible mistake

but it's mine to keep and mine to love
because no one else can fill me up
i am so weak and vulnerable
but you only love me when i am strong
so i'll try to be strong.

hey lonely,
go ahead and rip my heart in two
you can take your toll on me
as long as i don't keep any of you
hey lovely,
i knew that you were a storm
but i continued to walk into you
like i hadn't been warned

what a beautiful, beautiful heartache
from such a radical, terrible mistake

but it's mine to keep and mine to love
because no one else can fill me up
i am so weak and vulnerable
but you only love me when i am strong
so i'll try to be strong.

looking back now at the screenshots of my conversations
i realize that the sunshine might have just been rain
maybe that's how i cope; replacing pain with contentment
to wish to go back to a time i once wished to escape

why would you
give up your world
to a black hole

oh no, i almost jumped; almost got stuck
in your love
but it’s no surprise... it’s what i do every time

i gotta stop loving; see, love is
what you gotta let go of
to not be messed up

but it’s intoxicatingly sweet- loving
it’s like a drug to me- loving

so i’m going to take a dive
off the deep end, the deep end
so i can drown my senses, my senses
yeah

you tore me apart, like the storm
i should’ve known you were
but i can’t stop coming back for more

it’s intoxicatingly sweet- loving
it’s like a drug to me- loving

so i’m going to take a dive
off the deep end, the deep end
so i can drown my senses, my senses
yeah

memories remembered
from the pictures on my wall
people change but pictures don’t,
wish i could feel nothing at all
for you
because these days, all i do
is wonder who you are
i wish that i could know you
but you’re always too far

if you don’t want to pick up the phone
why should i be at your beck and call
if you ain’t got no time for me
then my mind won’t be filled with these
wishes that i wish i didn’t think

desperate for a sign,
but i’ll tell everyone i’m fine
nothing i wanna see
but your name on my lock screen
but you make me stare at my screen
you do
because these days, all i do
is wonder who you are
i wish that i could know you
but you’re always just a little too far

if you don’t want to pick up the phone
why should i be at your beck and call
if you ain’t got no time for me
then my mind won’t be filled with these
wishes that i wish i didn’t think
if you don’t want to pick up the phone
why should i be at your beck and call
if you ain’t got no time for me
then my mind won’t be filled with these
messages it tells me that you read

no amount of friend requests
or followers i get
can replace the hole in my chest
of you not being one of them

no amount of makeup
to cover up my flaws
can make up for the fact
that you’ve already seen my worst

100 unread messages
but left on read
you’re the only one i text
and the only one who doesn’t text me back

i chase experience every day
by chasing you

i keep holding onto silly things
like the color of your eyes
your beautiful disguise

and i keep wishing for a time machine
take me back to the time
when i called you mine

nostalgia's cool but the present slips away
my future feels like a million miles away

if only i could float like mist
through memories and time i'd drift
i'd replay every little thing that i missed
if only i could float like mist

silence, my heart beats too fast for acting normal
blank stares, you catch me reliving the same daydream
where i confess and you feel the same
but, every time i wake up

i missed the part where you said you loved me
or did you even say anything?
i guess it's all in my head
why would you love me when you could love her instead?

i wanna be happier
and i think i could be
if you'd set me free

but it's not your fault
that i lost the key

i made an empty promise
when i swore that we were through
and another one
when i swore i was over you

now habits are forming
and they're so hard to break
unlike his heart if i told him
the empty promises i made

all the boys i’ve ever loved
i thought each one would be the one
an endless cycle i can’t stop
like they can’t stop breaking my heart

and all the boys i’ve ever loved
it’s always the same story line
we either burn out, or break down
do you care to roll the dice?

and i stop and think of what we could be
if we’d open our eyes, look past the light
because it won’t be safe forever, why not dive right in?

but i will keep your head above water
even if i suffer, even if i suffocate
and i will fight until i can’t any longer
just so you’ll never have to
s
  i
    n
      k

all the boys i’ve ever loved
wish i could say i’ve had enough
but every time they break my heart
i just keep running back for more
and i stop and think of what we could be
if we’d open our eyes, look past the light
because it won’t be safe forever, why not dive right in?
and i stop and think of what we could be
if we both had any courage to breathe
but we’re pulled under, intoxicating, we sink

but i will keep your head above water
even if i suffer, even if i suffocate
and i will fight until i can’t any longer
just so you’ll never have to
s
  i
    n
      k

isn't it funny how
when you hear a word once
all of a sudden you
start hearing it everywhere

i whispered your name
and suddenly you were
everywhere,
a black cloud
warping my ultraviolet skies

give me strength, give me hope
tell me you'll never
let me go
feel my heart bleeding
when you go

make me feel so incomplete
teach me
dependability
show me i need you
in everything

why do i see you
in everything

and do we think of each other, only
when it's cold and dark
i need to know if you'll love me
when it gets warmer
in the summer, in the light
or
maybe it's just when you're high.

play me like a movie
put me on repeat