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Oct 2019 · 128
obsession is not love.
sarah Oct 2019
being in love with him
only made me hate myself more

-an excerpt from an article i wrote when i got bored :) check it out if you'd like
https://medium.com/@smcecil03/obsession-is-not-love-bd52052b3ce8
i procrastinated my english homework for an entire week and decided to try out writing a story about my failed love attempts instead :)
Oct 2019 · 326
log out
sarah Oct 2019
and this is how we waste our days
refreshing a page
for a notification that we know will never come
Oct 2019 · 403
hurricanes
sarah Oct 2019
not sure if you quite know
how much you mean to me

maybe you don't
and you're oblivious to
the hurricane you cause
in my brain
is that why we are
so far apart?

or maybe you do
perhaps you've seen
this hurricane
the strange brew of emotions
that only appear for you
and it scared you away

no matter the requital
(or lack thereof)
you're still the water
that fuels my wind

my love for you is this hurricane
and i've always loved the thrill
either way
all i know is that you don't feel the same
Oct 2019 · 61
the pretty girls
sarah Oct 2019
bleach blonde beauties
it's all they've ever known

insta versus reality
please take away my phone
falling down the rabbit hole of wishing you were anyone but yourself
Sep 2019 · 634
no words
sarah Sep 2019
you've got no words
you're speechless
i tend to have that effect
Sep 2019 · 143
tied down.
sarah Sep 2019
i wanna be happier
and i think i could be
if you'd set me free

but it's not your fault
that i lost the key
Sep 2019 · 145
empty promises
sarah Sep 2019
i made an empty promise
when i swore that we were through
and another one
when i swore i was over you

now habits are forming
and they're so hard to break
unlike his heart if i told him
the empty promises i made
Sep 2019 · 135
falling into you
sarah Sep 2019
why would you
give up your world
to a black hole
cosmic love
Sep 2019 · 46
moving forward?
sarah Sep 2019
i can't pretend
like i miss you
when there's no part of you
that i should miss
Jul 2019 · 93
cinematic
sarah Jul 2019
play me like a movie
put me on repeat
Jul 2019 · 431
7.16.19
sarah Jul 2019
your heart's been broken too many times
but i could be the one to make this right
Jul 2019 · 553
7.21.19
sarah Jul 2019
easier said than done
to just trust someone
how am i supposed to know
if you're the one?
Apr 2019 · 450
white lies
sarah Apr 2019
you said you loved me
and i let you lie
Apr 2019 · 479
unrequited
sarah Apr 2019
i can't stand it when
you call me a friend
don't you see, you should be
thinking of me differently
the pain of a one-sided love
Apr 2019 · 133
moving on
sarah Apr 2019
i have better friends now
i don't need to see your smile
like i once did
Apr 2019 · 61
sacrifices
sarah Apr 2019
i can't help the feeling
that i'm going overboard
and i can't help but feeling
like you don't love me anymore

what does it take to love me, my dear
does it take too much of you?
Apr 2019 · 51
the one
sarah Apr 2019
sit down, i've got something to say
i just can't seem to love you this way

i know it might come as a shock
but my heart is broken and i've hit rock

bottom

and i don't know how to tell

anyone

but i'm sick of searching for

the one.
Apr 2019 · 669
pt. 2
sarah Apr 2019
tell me you're done
but say it to me softly
don't wanna feel the rush
of being broken-hearted

if i ever stop
to think and reflect
i'll never catch up
back to where i should be
Apr 2019 · 82
pt. 1
sarah Apr 2019
sing me to sleep
oh wait, is that my job?
talk sweet to me
or don't because i've heard it all

lay here with me until i fall asleep
and in the morning you'll be gone

because no one ever stays
to hear the full story
don't wanna turn the page
and hear me out
Mar 2019 · 169
mist
sarah Mar 2019
i keep holding onto silly things
like the color of your eyes
your beautiful disguise

and i keep wishing for a time machine
take me back to the time
when i called you mine

nostalgia's cool but the present slips away
my future feels like a million miles away

if only i could float like mist
through memories and time i'd drift
i'd replay every little thing that i missed
if only i could float like mist
Mar 2019 · 89
time capsule
sarah Mar 2019
time capsule
take me back to the night
i met you
where everything felt so right

i believe that you were made for me
reliving every memory
in my time capsule.
Mar 2019 · 154
painful memories
sarah Mar 2019
i would rather erase my memory of you
than have to live through it all again.
Mar 2019 · 65
what happened?
sarah Mar 2019
what happened
to our dreams and hopes as kids
now we're teens
and depression is bliss
aching for a love, or something
to feel like we exist
2.14.19
Feb 2019 · 100
romanticizing nostalgia
sarah Feb 2019
looking back now at the screenshots of my conversations
i realize that the sunshine might have just been rain
maybe that's how i cope; replacing pain with contentment
to wish to go back to a time i once wished to escape
Feb 2019 · 320
blue
sarah Feb 2019
tummy's filled with butterflies
turned so blue
but i did my best to tear
every golden bit from you
Feb 2019 · 150
2.01.19
sarah Feb 2019
roses bloomed in your mind
and i'm fine
angry shouts at the world
for leaving you behind

no choices
no mistakes
it happens for a reason

don't you agree?
learning to live without someone i used to love
Jan 2019 · 215
reconnecting
sarah Jan 2019
is reconnection supposed
to be this disappointing
or am i lacking in gratification
i still feel alive
but yet i feel nothing
Jan 2019 · 250
eclipse
sarah Jan 2019
moonlight on my skin
you let me down again
say you're sorry and make amends
but that's not how it works when you're broken

soon i'll let you back in
because i make the same mistakes time and time again
i swallowed my pride and said it back when
you told me you loved me at 3am

but it was just an eclipse
and i'll forget your lips

god, it takes me so long
but i'll eventually be able to forget
in honor of the super blood wolf moon eclipse a few nights ago, i wrote this song.
Jan 2019 · 148
choices
sarah Jan 2019
silence, my heart beats too fast for acting normal
blank stares, you catch me reliving the same daydream
where i confess and you feel the same
but, every time i wake up

i missed the part where you said you loved me
or did you even say anything?
i guess it's all in my head
why would you love me when you could love her instead?
Jan 2019 · 134
get by
sarah Jan 2019
looked into your eyes
like they were stars,
shooting stars i could wish on
held you so, so close
like you were my saving grace,
my anchor, my only hope

forgot to not smile
as if you didn’t make me forget my troubles
constructed careful words
like they could be my last,
the last words to linger

i know that this will take me down
Jan 2019 · 160
you don't love me.
sarah Jan 2019
no amount of friend requests
or followers i get
can replace the hole in my chest
of you not being one of them

no amount of makeup
to cover up my flaws
can make up for the fact
that you’ve already seen my worst

100 unread messages
but left on read
you’re the only one i text
and the only one who doesn’t text me back
Jan 2019 · 276
walk away
sarah Jan 2019
i liked the spark in your eyes when you said it’s over
and i like the weight of your world upon my shoulders
i couldn’t help but smile when you cut me deeper
with your words, they might as well be swords

face me as the tears roll down my face
pretend this heart was fully yours to break
tell me that it all will be okay, as you walk away
as you walk away

my happiness depends on yours, don’t break me down
don’t worry i’ll wipe the oceans; fix my own crown
i’ll paint a picture of the most beautiful sky
and i won’t mind that i only see black and white

i’ll fake a smile, i’ll be alright
get myself through the night
i’ll fake a smile, i’ll be alright
be my own light
Dec 2018 · 166
obsessed
sarah Dec 2018
my mind is racing
but my heart's keeping up
my body's chasing
a dream i just can't touch
so close to reaching, but it just slips away

staying up late just
to think of you once more
intoxicating
but i can't get enough
i think that i might be going mad

i can't bring myself to think of anyone but you

call me obsessed, you got me too messed up
life's got me feeling so dead and the remedy is you
call me obsessed, it can't be bad to confess
that i'm falling in love with you over and over again
call me obsessed

every night, i
see you in my dreams
and then i wake up
you disappear from me
and i'm stuck with your ghost until i see you again

i know i shouldn't
give you the time of day
and write a song to
give all my thoughts away
but maybe a cleansing is what i need, because

i can't bring myself to think of anyone but you

call me obsessed, you got me too messed up
life's got me feeling so dead and the remedy is you
call me obsessed, it can't be bad to confess
that i'm falling in love with you over and over again
call me obsessed
Dec 2018 · 241
breathless
sarah Dec 2018
give me a minute to gather my thoughts
before i pretend that i haven’t planned it at all
walking a tightrope, suspect that i’ll fall

but what’s the point in hurting if not to feel something
it’s better than nothing at all

i’m staring at my shoes because i can’t look at you, even though i want to
stumble on my words because i’m caught up in yours
not that we’re keeping score
at the same time, you scatter my mind
into pieces, puzzle pieces
you fit right into place, yeah, when i see your face.. i’m breathless

a million love letters that i’d never write
condensed into one song
so that you can read my mind

there’s so much to say, but i can’t find the right words to tell you
that i’m just so lucky you picked me if only it's until you found someone new

i’m staring at my shoes because i can’t look at you
even though i want to
stumble on my words because i’m caught up in yours
not that we’re keeping score
at the same time, you scatter my mind
into pieces, puzzle pieces
you fit right into place, yeah, when i see your face.. i’m breathless
my prequel to breathe
Dec 2018 · 238
in love with you.
sarah Dec 2018
i say "let's talk"
but you don't hear a word
because i say it so quietly
you never could have heard
i wanna scream at you
tell you how you should feel
but your tongue isn't tied
and your heart's beating normally still

we'd be the best of friends
if i wasn't in love with you
but i'm so in love with you
the constant struggle of being in love with someone who couldn't care less about you
Dec 2018 · 158
pick up
sarah Dec 2018
memories remembered
from the pictures on my wall
people change but pictures don’t,
wish i could feel nothing at all
for you
because these days, all i do
is wonder who you are
i wish that i could know you
but you’re always too far

if you don’t want to pick up the phone
why should i be at your beck and call
if you ain’t got no time for me
then my mind won’t be filled with these
wishes that i wish i didn’t think

desperate for a sign,
but i’ll tell everyone i’m fine
nothing i wanna see
but your name on my lock screen
but you make me stare at my screen
you do
because these days, all i do
is wonder who you are
i wish that i could know you
but you’re always just a little too far

if you don’t want to pick up the phone
why should i be at your beck and call
if you ain’t got no time for me
then my mind won’t be filled with these
wishes that i wish i didn’t think
if you don’t want to pick up the phone
why should i be at your beck and call
if you ain’t got no time for me
then my mind won’t be filled with these
messages it tells me that you read
i wrote this a week ago when my now-boyfriend left me on read for too long, i'm not petty at all
Nov 2018 · 261
you & me
sarah Nov 2018
i turn my head when you walk into the room
stare straight ahead cuz i dont wanna look at you
but when i sleep my dreams are all of you

i know we said that we’d just be friends
but i can’t help it that my heart’s going against
everything you say to me, i like it

we could be something great if you’d let it
can we let it?

i know that i can’t breathe when i’m anywhere near you
i wish that you would see that we shouldn’t drag it out
i know we’re meant to be, let’s let go of all that doubt
and give it a shot
you & me

we catch each other locking eyes across the room
but we turn away like it’s something to illude
could it be that you feel the butterflies too?

it’s a mess, i’m gonna ruin everything we have
can’t bring myself to tell you so i’ll just tell everyone else...
Nov 2018 · 120
sink
sarah Nov 2018
all the boys i’ve ever loved
i thought each one would be the one
an endless cycle i can’t stop
like they can’t stop breaking my heart

and all the boys i’ve ever loved
it’s always the same story line
we either burn out, or break down
do you care to roll the dice?

and i stop and think of what we could be
if we’d open our eyes, look past the light
because it won’t be safe forever, why not dive right in?

but i will keep your head above water
even if i suffer, even if i suffocate
and i will fight until i can’t any longer
just so you’ll never have to
s
  i
    n
      k

all the boys i’ve ever loved
wish i could say i’ve had enough
but every time they break my heart
i just keep running back for more
and i stop and think of what we could be
if we’d open our eyes, look past the light
because it won’t be safe forever, why not dive right in?
and i stop and think of what we could be
if we both had any courage to breathe
but we’re pulled under, intoxicating, we sink

but i will keep your head above water
even if i suffer, even if i suffocate
and i will fight until i can’t any longer
just so you’ll never have to
s
  i
    n
      k
Nov 2018 · 158
deep end
sarah Nov 2018
oh no, i almost jumped; almost got stuck
in your love
but it’s no surprise... it’s what i do every time

i gotta stop loving; see, love is
what you gotta let go of
to not be messed up

but it’s intoxicatingly sweet- loving
it’s like a drug to me- loving

so i’m going to take a dive
off the deep end, the deep end
so i can drown my senses, my senses
yeah

you tore me apart, like the storm
i should’ve known you were
but i can’t stop coming back for more

it’s intoxicatingly sweet- loving
it’s like a drug to me- loving

so i’m going to take a dive
off the deep end, the deep end
so i can drown my senses, my senses
yeah
wrote this at 2am last night. the melody is cool as hell.
Nov 2018 · 116
breathe
sarah Nov 2018
you make me feel like i'm running away
from a problem we can solve
you make me feel like nothing's changed
like nothing should feel wrong

you make it seem like we could fly, together
but nothing, no, nothing lasts forever

you say
"we could try to work things out"
tell me
"there should be no doubt in your mind
that we have each other, and that's all we need"
but i can't be dependent on you to breathe.

i wanna scream that i've been through this
more times than i should
i wanna tell you that nothing you say
can make me feel good

i wish i could love blindly, but i have so much doubt
i wish you'd take me seriously that we can't talk this out

you say
"we could try to work things out"
tell me
"there should be no doubt in your mind
that we have each other, and that's all we need"
but i can't be dependent on you to breathe.
i wrote this in 8 minutes
Nov 2018 · 246
beautiful heartache
sarah Nov 2018
hey stranger,
used to read your mind just like a book
and i am only as in love with you
as you can spare a look
hey disaster,
won't you go ahead and bring me down
because i have no use for feeling empty
guess i'll be seeing you around

what a beautiful, beautiful heartache
from such a radical, terrible mistake

but it's mine to keep and mine to love
because no one else can fill me up
i am so weak and vulnerable
but you only love me when i am strong
so i'll try to be strong.

hey lonely,
go ahead and rip my heart in two
you can take your toll on me
as long as i don't keep any of you
hey lovely,
i knew that you were a storm
but i continued to walk into you
like i hadn't been warned

what a beautiful, beautiful heartache
from such a radical, terrible mistake

but it's mine to keep and mine to love
because no one else can fill me up
i am so weak and vulnerable
but you only love me when i am strong
so i'll try to be strong.
a song i wrote on october 30th
Oct 2018 · 113
high
sarah Oct 2018
give me strength, give me hope
tell me you'll never
let me go
feel my heart bleeding
when you go

make me feel so incomplete
teach me
dependability
show me i need you
in everything

why do i see you
in everything

and do we think of each other, only
when it's cold and dark
i need to know if you'll love me
when it gets warmer
in the summer, in the light
or
maybe it's just when you're high.
don't know exactly where this came from, except for the fact that my boyfriend who gets high a lot was talking to me the other day about how he doesn't see what anyone gets from feeling anything. it made me wonder if he meant love as well. these lyrics kind of wrote themselves last night.
Sep 2018 · 226
for kennedy
sarah Sep 2018
we lived our own little lifetime
hiding away in the bathroom
from fake friends and scary adults
running lines and telling each other stories
from the past
your past was a bit desolate
but i promise you, your future is brighter
you have the potential to rewrite the stars
your beauty is unimaginable and your intellect is even greater
every moment spent with you was like living a thousand lives

i don’t know where you went or where you are now
i wish i did
but what am i supposed to do?

you’re my best friend, kennedy.
i miss you.
this poem's for kennedy. she told me about this little corner of the internet in the first place. i miss her every day.
Sep 2018 · 123
singing is...
sarah Sep 2018
singing is a
melody creator
collection of memories
emotional outlet
happiness sharer
giver of life to words.
kennings for english class
Sep 2018 · 639
wait
sarah Sep 2018
i stare more than i talk when you're around
and hope that you don't notice
it's not my fault you leave me speechless- i'm just bad with words
it's artless adolescence

when you're gone i miss you bad and i can't cope
i'm stuck here while i wait for you

tell me it's all going to be okay
it's fine to feel this way
tell me you feel it too
and when you're away- too far away
tell me that you miss me too

you've given me the proof i need, but my brain's still a wreck
a roller coaster of cynicism
but there's hope yet, you seem to like it when i'm all choked up
that's failure at it's finest

when you're silent i miss you bad and i can't cope
i'm stuck here while i wait for you

tell me it's all going to be okay
it's fine to feel this way
tell me you feel it too
and when you're away- too far away
tell me that you miss me too

i wish i missed the weekends
but now i'm torn up a day without you here,
staring at the white walls you splattered with green
i wish i missed innocence
being able to fall asleep at night,
but i'm wide awake and i don't hate it.
Sep 2018 · 420
birds
sarah Sep 2018
take a step, take a breath
an ordinary day-to-day routine
while your life falls apart, nothing's changed
the world keeps spinning

take a walk in the park
blank stares straight ahead
but the birds keep on singing their tunes
above your head

and you know how you're loved so
but not anymore by him,
yet his voice still remains in your mind
like the birds you passed by

do whatever you need
to feel as though you're still complete
keep your eyes closed,
there's beauty in everything if you know to create it

and you know how you're loved so
but not anymore by him,
yet his voice still remains in your mind

and you go back to where you know
where nothing can hurt you
and the birds sing the songs that you love

though you long for his love
the beauty of love.
Sep 2018 · 114
overdramatic
sarah Sep 2018
noise getting louder
temperature's rising
room's getting crowded
but i'm still up pacing

why don't you tell me i'm overthinking
why don't you tell me i should start dreaming

i know i'm just being overdramatic again
what was i thinking? i should be content
with just pretending that i'm happy

breath getting heavy
i know what you're thinking
and you say you're sorry
but you don't mean it

why don't you tell me i'm overthinking
why don't you tell me i should start dreaming

i know i'm just being overdramatic again
what was i thinking? i should be content
with just pretending
that
       i'm
             happy
one of my favorite songs i've ever written
Sep 2018 · 178
beautiful mistake
sarah Sep 2018
can't tell you something
when my head's got nothing
it's a vicious game

crying out but nothing
afraid i might be sinking
into the mainstream

i think with my heart
and love with my brain
i'm so torn apart
but addicted to pain
i'm staying up late,
and you're fast asleep
you're fast asleep

you're moving on to bigger better things
i'm so far gone, caught in a jetstream
you can try to bring me back
but i get in my own head
over and over again
you're moving on, and i'm your beautiful mistake.
verse and chorus of a song i kinda halfway liked? need opinions!!
Sep 2018 · 12.4k
purple sky
sarah Sep 2018
late at night, i lie awake
thinking of things i should have said
all the mistakes i've made
and signs i should've read

then think about what i can't live without
you, front and center in my mind
sometimes it feels like halfway love
almost, but not quite

still, parts of you make me whole
who i am and who i need to be
i think of love letters that weren't torn up
feelings of blue and green

when i'm without you
blank page, artless innocence
i realize how dependent i've grown to you
and feel the need to create a distance

sometimes i look up at the purple sky
and wonder if you're looking too
i gaze at the colors and the beauty of it all
though its beauty would never compare to you
Sep 2018 · 490
behind these walls
sarah Sep 2018
Behind these walls
I’m forever stuck
I have no home;
I’m out of luck.
Behind these walls
I'm all alone
I can't escape;
I'm on my own.
Shower me with gas,
  Starve me of food;
Derive me of love
Make me feel used
That's okay
For I have hope,
I am alive;
I will go home.
I'll see the drops of dew
I’ll find the snow,
Like a soft, white blanket
In the moonlight’s glow
Of a streetlight from afar
Lighting up the lane
I will be there
Out of this cage.
But behind these walls
Here I stand
Without any windows.
I  imagine what I can.
One day I will experience
A light winter rain;
Sunlight in the summer,
And no scratchy chains.
I know I’m dreaming;
But I do not fear it,
For nothing you do to me
Can ever **** my spirit.
a poem i wrote about concentration camps in 6th grade

— The End —