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sarah Jun 2020
i waited up so many nights hoping i would be lucky enough to get a “hey” from you. he keeps me up too, but it’s because we’ve been talking all day and the conversation still hasn’t come to an end. he keeps me up because talking to him gives me more of a glimpse into paradise than dreaming about you ever could.
sarah Jun 2020
it’s been forty days, seems like I slept just once
can you please explain, why all this feels so foreign

it’s like I’m falling in love for the first time
but that can’t be
because I wasn’t built for loving
and you just weren’t built for me
sarah Jun 2020
my father has always been very adamant about putting sunscreen on the tops of your feet.
apparently it's one of the easiest places to burn because it's so forgettable.

lately, I've been feeling like this summer isn't really summer.
I'm sure this is a collective feeling.

but today, I got in a pool for the first time since last year.
I burned the tops of my feet.

I had to hide it from my dad, but it made me feel a little more alive.
excerpts from the book i would never write
  Feb 2020 sarah
Lori Jones McCaffery
Like a beauty queen
Grown old,
Sunrise is too quckly over.
Sunrise never lasts long enough.  I always want more.
sarah Oct 2019
being in love with him
only made me hate myself more

-an excerpt from an article i wrote when i got bored :) check it out if you'd like
i procrastinated my english homework for an entire week and decided to try out writing a story about my failed love attempts instead :)
  Oct 2019 sarah
Janelle Tanguin

I intentionally failed to wish you
a happy birthday this year,
though I know significant dates,
hours, moments, people,
by heart.
I still search for you in boys
I mistake for bandages,
the ones with eyes almost
the same shade of your hazels,
lips resounding your laughter,
resembling a wisp of your smile,
But they aren't you.


Sometimes I pretend you're dead,
because it's less painful
to stop reaching out into voids.


My mom still blames you
for everything that preceded that year.
Though you probably had no idea what happened
when we stopped talking altogether.
Can you believe it's almost been three years?


My dad wonders who was my 'one that got away'
Though, I'm pretty sure he knows
it's you.


Remember how I mentioned Sylvia Plath?
How most everything she wrote
brimmed with melancholy?
How I loved every single word?
Especially that piece
where she talked about expectations
and disappointments.
You'll never know that
up to this day I still think
people are selfish enough to
always, eventually turn into the latter.
Even you.


It's sad I never got the chance
to tell you about Ted.
How she loved him so much,
she just had to dive headfirst
into the flames-- burning herself,
what was left of her--
after she found out
he never really loved her
the same way
she loved him
in the first place.


truth is,
some of us
never learn to accept
the love we think we deserve.


I don't know if you still read my poems
or if you still think about me,
about us, sometimes.
Every time you fall asleep past eleven,
a part of me hopes you do.
because I always remember you--
in birthday candles, red ribbons,
off-tune voice records, golden arches,
concrete sidewalks, pedestrian lanes,
the last flickers of city lights
softly fading out of the blue.
I remember you
in everything, in everywhere,
in everyone.
It's useless, no matter how much I try to forget.
No matter how much I just want to forget.
I want to forget.

But, how could I?

When forgetting means forsaking
the very memory of you.
sarah Oct 2019
and this is how we waste our days
refreshing a page
for a notification that we know will never come
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