Eight months ago
It came tumbling out
"Do you want to by my girl?"
The sweat of fear rolled down my back
It was silent for a moment,
But then you whispered, "yeah"
My heart jumped
It jumped as if its life depended on it
I had no idea what to say
I seem to not when I'm around you.

I remember when
I like you
Turned to
I love you
I remember thinking to myself
"Is it too early?
Will she think I'm too attached?"
I remember when I gave you that envelope, filled with the love that I had poetically composed for you.
And all you said was
"you're sweet"
I was discouraged.
I didn't say it again.

I remember the night you called me;
I had just left you so it was a surprise
You said you forgot to tell me something, that you were avoiding it
"I love you"
All I could do was reply mutually.

I remember when you told me of your depression
I truly knew not what to say
What was there to say?
I quickly learned that sometimes silence
Is better than
ignorant speech
And that holding you was the best form of therapy, because to know that you're special is all that you needed.

I remember much of these past months
You are always in my mind
You are never too much
And I have not regreted it once
I love you
And I don't plan on that changing.

When you have nothing to say
Just let me look into your eyes
And you into mine
Those flickers of light
Those generous stares
Are enough for me to know
That you love me
*And I love you

I love you
When I say this, I mean eveything about you
I wouldn't pick or choose
"Oh I like this better,
I could do without this"
How selfish
How greedy
How hateful

And when you sit there in silence
I sit there too
Thinking of you
Thinking of your eyes
Thinking of your smile
Thinking of your laugh
(These are rare, so I enjoy them when they come)

In the good and in the bad
Easier said than done
Oh trust me,
It's hard
It's painful
It even sometimes drives me to tears
But the good makes the bad worth it
Your depression
Your anxiety
Your worries
Your pain
I will stay through them
I will not abandon you

So I lie here, pondering:
Do you feel the same spark,
That same rushing sensation
That I get when we meet?
I can only hope so
Because I love you
And I hope that time stops
*before that love ceases.

When nothing can be said;
when nothing can be done,
it's better just to shut up and hold her because that might be
*exactly what she needs.

Happiness is key
It's not purchased at a fee
What makes you happy-- I dare ask
Is it the way the water shimmers like glass
Or the sunrise on a summer morning
Or in what others find boring

Is it in the writings of love
Or in the purest dove
Or in a hard days work
Or in the food on a fork
Or the touch of your lover's hand
Or in the symphony of your favourite band

Is it the way she looks in the pale moonlight
Or in the way for her you'd fight
Or in the way she looks into your eyes
Or with her, time flies
Or the way you feel with her
Or in the way you dread days without her

Words of the wise say, "don't put your happiness in a person
Because they will just fail you when it's all said and done"
But in a way, I cannot help but do this
Because there's something about that feeling when she gives me
*Her kiss.

Your eyes are like stars
My heart skips a beat with you
I love you always

Why are you hurting
What are these tears on your face
Let my heart take them

Confusion sets in
Why is the fear always there
*Of losing your love.

We sit together, in the quiet
You turn to me and apologize
Apologize for your depression
Your sadness
I turn to you and tell you to not give up
That I love you.

You apologize for me dealing with you
For going through it with you
The way I look at it; this is a journey
for two
And I have the privilage of doing it
with you
Lo there are crooked trails and deep ravines;
You have my help,
You have my love.

They still exist;
Both literally and metaphorically.
Little girls *** trafficked,
Boys slave in sweat shops,
Buissnessman works a 60 hour week.
Everyone's got their own chains.
Some we put on freely,
Some are ****** upon us,
like maturity on an orphaned child
--Some are cut into our wrists.
With every lie,
With every curse,
With every slander,
Pain built up creates inside
these fine little links;
Alone they are weak, but together
UNBREAKABLE
27 million slaves in the world
But that's just an estimate.
When we look inwards
We see so. many. more.

When we look into each other's eyes
You say  the constellations are in mine
If so, I gaze upon the galaxies in thine.

Summer turns to fall
The wind gets colder
The trees grow older
Life itself seems calm
Like a break between extremes
One of heat
One of cold

With the heat, life is active
Joyous
Adventurous
The days seem longer
And nights shorter
While the heat is appealing
It has itself a killing
Too much fun could lead one to pain

Then there's Peace
Comfort
Cold
Now the desires have changed
The cold makes you stand still
What once was done for thrill
It seems there is no skill
But still,
You dream of that hot wind on your face
The sun sweetly crisping your skin
What was once done, is done
A new season of life has come.

I stand for a people who's voices have gone silent; not by the waves of hate from others, but the waves of hate pouring from their own mouths. From their hypocrisy to those whom they are sent to love. You probably know who I am talking about by now. So for them I say sorry.

I say sorry to the same-*** couple who are denied the right to marry in many states and many places of the world. I am sorry for the constant currents of hate we have place toward you. Our God teaches to love all, but it seems we have forgotten about you.

I am sorry to the orphans of the world. We try our best to help, we really do. But here in America, we feel there are more important things to worry about. We have the money to support you, but we are stringy here in America. We stand wholeheartedly that 5 cents a day is enough to feed a in another country, but a 5 dollar big mac sounds good for lunch. I find myself wondering, why was this money given to me? Are we not told to give to the poor? Support the fatherless and the widow? I know these are given to us as commandments, but I'm going to use the bible for my own benefit. So I am sorry for our selfishness, please, don't be offended.

I am sorry to people of other faiths. We are to love you just as much as anyone else. But since you believe in another god or the absence of one entirely, we feel you are void of this command. So forgive us if we stereotype you, at least God still loves you.

To the teen mom; I apologize that so many of you live on the streets. But your failure to abstain leaves us with no other choice. Obviously the best we can do is disown you as our daughters and cease to love our little princesses. Plus you have made us embarrassments as parents, and we are always first before you.

Lastly, I am sorry for us hating anyone  that has messed up in life. It seems we have forgotten what it's like to be human and knowing we all make mistakes. It seems we have taken what was known to be holy and morphed it into our own little cult. Something we use to make ourselves look and feel better. We forget to be human sometimes, but I ask you to be tolerant of us. Because God loves you even if we don't.

Humbly, I'm sorry to you God. I pray you have mercy on your church whom have made  a mockery of you, your son's sacrifice, and your plans for us. I know I believe you love us, and because you love us we should love others, but I fail all the time. Forgive me of that LORD. You love all, so we should learn to have eyes for the broken, and hearts for unloved.
Yours truly,
A convicted follower.

You say you hate yourself
I say *I love you

I rise along with the sun
A new day
A new start
The mistakes and success' of yesterday are long since gone
It's a new day
Some I want to end just as they begin
others to last forever

No matter my mood
My strength
My Fatigue
It's a new day
It's a new start
Choices are made
To show love
To show hate
To work strong
Or fall to FATE
These choices all must face
Ones that lead to good
Others--- not so much

As the sun descends
The day comes to an end
We face the consequences of our daily wake
Hearts broken
Hearts mended
New friends
New enemies
But here we enter the forgiveness of the night
A new day
A new start.

Life is but a river.*
Opportunities and relationships float by like driftwood,
One must hold on to those most dear and sturdy

Pills left me restless
Food never filled me up
**** never satisfied me
Success dies
Friends fade
Nothing seems to last
I'm left with a buzz but nothing else
Then I see you
Hanging on that tree
You call down to me
"What are you doing son?"
"Why can't you stop son?"
The more I live life the more I realize my need for you
Without you, there is only darkness
You are my drug-- scratch that, you're better than drugs


*"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28

It begins
within is strife
and then it ends
Is the meaning?
Because just as soon as it is Conceived
It is  Deceased
This road I walk
I look at both the beauties and the monstrosities of her
The people
The places
The interactions
The love
Beauty is Broken
Find perfection in what is not

I walk this hall; it is full but no attention goes to me.
I am a ghost among mortals.
My size would make you assume that I am seen, but inside, I make myself microscopic.
I don't want to be noticed, because the last time I was noticed, the most attention was a slap in the stomach, and a slur of slander creeping through my ears.
The thought never leaves.
It invades and cannot be driven out.
So yes I choose to go unnoticed.
My fears help me do that.
"He should be talking to others."
"He should play with the other kids."
Look at them.
They feel they know how to make it better.
They think they can fix me.
What do they know the closest to bullying they know is limited to Hollywood bullying.
But what do they know.
This new breed of bullying, this evolution of condemnation is unreal to them.
I want to believe them,
I want help.
But the more they try the more I want to do this by myself because silence is where I find peace, Silence does not call me fat.
Silence does not laugh at the way I dress or the way I walk.
So this is why I choose silence. This is why I'm invisible


*I dedicate this poem to the people who made me not want to live. your efforts to destroy me simply made me stronger; thank you

Perfection is in imperfection.
Your scars tell a story.
A story of struggles.
A story of life.
A story of strength.
These lines you write,
a blade as a pen,
have meaning.
They are dangerous,
but so are words.
Share with me what you share with your wrists.
Share your worries.
Your fears.
Your anger.
Your love.
Some secrets deserve to be shared