I am not the person I once was...

my skeleton has been molded to what society expects of me

my mind has mastered the art of secrets holding what I truly feel

my hands are worn down from gripping bed sheets in the middle of the night

afraid to
                 f
                 a
                  l
                  l

asleep

because the dark is not my friend

I am afraid of falling prey to those who dwell in the night

when in reality it is my mind

my a b s o l u t e  fear that feeds them

but no matter how hard I try

and

oh, I  t r y

I cannot overcome this

Black roses scattered along blank pages
Coffee cup is half-empty and in need of a refill
Dawn is about to break, but I haven’t slept
Flowers placed by the window are wilting
Goodbye, let’s continue tomorrow

Everyday just seems like a battlefield--
A one-sided war that I can only hope to conquer
Nothing about it seems remotely fair
Yet I was never given a voice for them to hear

> i need you <

I brandish my rusted sword
I ready my porcelain shield
Both so comically breakable
Much like the fragments of my shattered will

> please take me away <

My lips quiver with fearful anticipation
My eye lids shut in hopeful surrender
I tighten my grip and let out a shallow breath

> anywhere but here <

This is it--
    this is my impending death
Were there really--
    no other options left for me to take?
Or was I just too busy--
    wallowing in an ocean of my own mistakes?

> save me <

I wasn't ready--
        I never was.

< please >

But I'll try--
        just like how I always do.

Do you ever wonder if they care as much as they say they do?

Why can't they answer your message?

Why do they only give a few brief words?

Why does it feel like you're the only one trying?

If you have theses or similar questions
then it might be time to cut yourself free and wait.

Wait until they ask you how you are.

Wait until they answer your message.

Wait until they try to put some effort in.

If it never comes, then they don't.

It's killing me
To try not to think of you

It's killing me
To undo things i used to do with you

It's killing me
To try not to miss you

I tried to sing to you,
But the TV drowns me out,
I belt, I scream, I shout,
But you turn it up louder.

I tried to give you my poem,
But to you, it doesn’t matter,
You leave my heart there to shatter,
And you just look away.

I painted you a mural,
Of pretty hues of violet and blue,
But my work is used to amuse,
You say Picasso will always be better.

I tried to love you,
But now I doubt I know the meaning,
My heart must need some spring cleaning,
Because I don’t know how to use it anymore.

In words forgotten
By those who knew
What it was like to dream
What it is like to bleed
      Be gentle with yourself
Here in this world
Where quick silver tounges
And pretty eyes
Rule
Be gentle with yourself
A distant ships blare
Is no more than a morning cry
For those who lived
And never tried
Be gentle with your self