As I board the boat
of silent destruction and pain,
I watch it sail far away--
blurring into the haze of mist,
becoming one of the many stars
that may have shared the same fate.

A warped mirror perhaps?
My face always twisted,
always grimacing behind a dry beam.
Two Tylenols are never enough.

Ella.
A lump caught in my throat.  
Her scent walks by,
uninvited, yet welcomed.

A blurred outline,
a cutout blocking the light.
I yearn to sweat nightmares
out of my pores.

At night, her voice still fogs
the thick wall of silence—
muffled.
“Are you listening?”
Obscured echoes stir
down the pit of this endless night.

Tulips grow somewhere
on the side of the bed,
where it whirrs and beeps,
and reeks of alcohol.  
But the night is ever still,
unperturbed, as it sleeps in my arms.

Murmurs drift like dust motes,
caught in a sunbeam—

Ella.
I chase shadows of her laughter,
fading out against gushing white noise.  
Fingers twitch to speak,
for words are somehow
lost in static.

The walls hum a song,
croaking with hurt it sounds—
“Stay with me,” it pleads,
but my indifference swallows
the words.

In the spaces between breaths,
I linger suspended.
Ella might be digging me out.

Beneath the sky
So wide and blue
Dreams take flight
Both old and new
In quiet moments
Whispers flow
Where only the
Heart and stars
Will know
Loving you,
A silent ache
A path I know
I shouldn't take
The lines are drawn
The rules are clear
Yet I still wish you were here
A heart that beats
But cannot speak
Longing for a love it
Cannot seek
So I will keep
This flame inside
A secret that the
Stars will hide...

I don't care enough about me
Or you
Or why the world spins
I can't even sleep
And somehow you think
That I'm hanging
Onto your every word
You are my muse
And I'm a flighty bird
With no direction
And listen
I understand
You love the attention
The gazing
The movie star treatment
And inspiration
Is hard to come by
So take what you need
I'll gladly concede
But leave me
Out of your dreams
I must be
Out of my mind
No that's you
I'm alright