Time watches me
Tick tock
For a second I wasn't me
But the hour glass smashed
And i was sinking in sand
Time stands still in a distant land
The past was a present for the future a new generation to tutor

chug coffee like a caffeinated punch to your nervous system,
music too loud to sleep.

smash the cement and level the buildings,
boots too heavy to hit the ground lightly.

silence chauvinists with your *******,
anger too tangible to be ignored.

drop out, drop bombs, wear red lipstick,
moments too few to waste.

You kissed me with mangy thirst
A mystery to me

You seemed so hurt tonite
and wanting of other places
any social platter but this sick hot beating sink of inter being with its ******* music and rapid lighting and... you turned to me and I am polite and kissed you back.

I am the 'shrug at life' choice
but there's heart in that as a moment

Now a days
I just feel
So drained  

         The moment fell open
         The fasteners broke
         And I was the fool
         Who tried to keep them inside

Broken mirrors
Blood and tears
And I see myself lying here

         Alone in life
         Alone in death
         Body all that's left

The Brain is Dangerous
Don't Listen To Us
We're Nothing But Dust

I’m going downhill fast. (1)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’m going down hill fast.
I ought to get my act together
I’m going down hill fast.
Kissed my wife n said I love her
I’m going downhill fast.
Told her that there was no other.
I’m going downhill fast.
She says that I’m a liar.
I’m going down hill fast.

I’m going downhill fast.
Should have saved a fortune.
I’m going downhill fast.
Oh god it’s started raining
I’m going down hill fast.
My wind shield wipers failing
I’m going downhill fast.
My gearbox says it’s grinding
I’m going downhill fast.

I’m going downhill fast.
My boss has lost his faith in me
I’m going down hill fast.
I can’t give up the smokes you see
I’m going down hill fast.
This road is getting slippery
I’m going down hill fast
The headlights blind my capacity
I’m going downhill fast.

I’m going downhill fast.
Sleepy from the drinks I had.
I’m going down hill fast.
I am insured. So glad I am.
I’m going downhill fast
God knows why I live at all ?
I’m going down hill fast.
Gotta pull myself together
I’m going downhill fast.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Written by Philip Nov 2nd 2018.

You could die today or tomorrow.
The chance is real no matter the sorrow.
Have you given out to the point of peace,
Knowing very well your own life will cease?
Your eyes that read and ears that listen
Will one day have fulfilled their mission.
But you don't know that hour or time.
All you know is that you cannot rewind.
The freedom is in what you say and do
Inside this moment that forever is new.
Your breath is running out, so don't be shy.
Love people, for that is what never runs dry.

When I hear the words “marching band”,
I think of 4 am’s eating donuts on the bus,
Piled in big heaps to conserve warmth,
Not caring who we were laying on.
I think of lips on fire,
Sectionals that drag on and on in
The scorching sun, and staying
At attention for longer than you can bear.
I think of impossibly quick changes into uniforms,
Asking your friends to zip you up,
Band moms wiping off bibbers and shoes,
And when you’re all ready, realizing you didn’t put on your mic.
I think of falling on turf during
25 mph wind gusts, hearing the hail smash your instrument,
Not being able to feel your face,
But knowing you have to play on just the same.
I think of eating at weird times,
Breakfast at 4 am, lunch at 10 am, and supper at 10 pm,
But knowing that when you get you get a chance to eat,
The band dads have got you covered.
I think of laughing so ******* the bus
You’re crying, sobbing even, sprawled across
Your best friends, and you think you’ll never calm down
Enough to ever play your instrument again.
I think of the drum majors’ voices yelling
LEFT LEFT LEFT
Over and over again until the freshmen finally understand.
There’s always that one that never does.
I think of the moment of utter agony
Before they announce the last place in your class,
And you’re squeezing your eyes shut, praying
That at the very least, you won’t be last.
I think of that moment of utter relief
After you hear the last place in your class,
And it’s not you, and your prayers have been answered
That at the very least, you were not last.
I think of the last competition of the season,
When the seniors are bawling and it seems like
Your entire world is crashing down,
And nothing will ever be right again.
This poem could go on forever,
But finally: finally.
When I hear the words “marching band”,
I think of that triumphant moment right
As your show ends for the last time,
That last horns down,
And you know you’ve given it your all,
And no matter what your score is,
You feel in your heart that you have put everything
You have out there,
All the music, the drill, the blood, sweat and tears,
Out there on that football field.
And that moment, you can get no where else, but
Marching band.

A boy’s bloodshot eyes
guide his body
atop the dry
mountain pasture

The daylight wanes
A mass of tents flank him

He shakes his head
with a wince
to the sight
of a tent that he calls home

The daylight wanes
A mass of tents flank him

The words welcome home
are scribbled
on a cardboard doormat
with permanent marker

The daylight wanes
A mass of tents flank him

Looking at the vast open land
below, he sees



    billowing clouds form shadows
    that undulate across the terrain 



The daylight wanes
A mass of tents flank him

He rests his head that night
feeling peace
knowing
this too shall pass

your music -both of your music is resounding,
as i try to make my words beautiful
when all the while they’ve just been readable.
you pile small words into loving strings and blocks,
you put music in my ears and show me
that which brings you joy.
do i bring you joy?
i want to bring you basket-fulls of it.

you are not what i should allow -i cannot allow you to reside in these corners of my mind,
which are supposed to hold the tall tanned forms of men and the awkward and gangly boys
who play in the schoolyard.
they’ve run off to shoot their basketballs, tap their thumbs against their screens,
really i don’t need them to feel soft butterflies in my stomach,
they’ll never have the incandescent butterflies in me for their own,
they can’t deserve it.

these uneven strands, like paper beads in front of the pale moon,
glowing above the waters of a small village,
are heartfelt and wonderful,
like the declarations i imagine are given there,
where the rest of the world meets the scintillating fireflies and slow dreams on slow river canoes.
can you imagine us, if our brains were not so worried about soaring ahead -if we had time to experience those in-between moments that allowed us to fall in love?

but we have no in-between moments,
even though i delude myself every night, dreaming of a day when i put my pencil down,
and allow myself see you -sitting next to me while eating, your warm voice on the phone laughing softly in my ear,
you laying next to me while watching the stars -ever distant as always,
just as much of a mystery to me as the map of the night sky and it’s burning stars, spinning clouds,
and utter cold.

each delusion has become a beautiful memory, a twisting mystery.
a soft touch to the face, brushes of hands. could you be in love,
or was it just that i was your favorite girl -today? or were you brave?
do you miss me? my large eyes want to drink you up, and allow myself to imagine us,
doing more than brushing hands and painting each other’s faces over and over and over again,
until we’ve made masterpieces out of words and feather-light wanting.