sing lullabies
in between her things
and she will moan hymns
from pleasure within

s.s

muscles sore
from the day before
an ache you adore
wanting more

s.s

i don't want an easy stroll
into happily ever after
i want a passion
that will fight through anything
for the good ending
we deserve

s.s

closer
closer
hot breath
hot skin
sweat dripping
mind tripping
come in
come in

s.s

if i took a shot
for every time
i wanted you
but couldn't have you
i don't think
i would ever
be sober

s.s

they tell addicts
to move away
from the places
they once scored each hit
so she deleted
your songs
from her playlist
and never stepped foot
near the place you met
because she was addicted to you
and she knew
if she had even a taste
of what you once were
she would crumble
just like your relationship did
she was an addict
and you were her drug
dont make her relapse

s.s

this world is a hurricane
throwing me left and right
tearing me limb from limb
but your arms
are the eye of the storm
a safe haven
my calm
in the midst
of life's mess

s.s

being in love
but not being together
is like chasing a mirage
in the desert
the hope keeps disappearing
moments later reappearing
is it really there
or are we hallucinating

s.s

i am afraid
i will lose you
when you aren't one
meant to be lost
because even the universe
makes mistakes
so i am on
my hands and knees
begging the world
to leave us be

s.s

school was the only thing
i had ever been good at

i was too clumsy for sports
tripping over my own feet
now i'm tripping over numbers

i could never sing like an angel
voice always cracking missing notes
now i'm cracking under pressure missing the meaning

i couldn't be coordinated enough to dance
always skipping to the wrong beat
now i'm skipping problems i can't beat

school was the only thing
i had ever been good at
and now i'm watching my scores slip
through limp fingers
as my will to keep trying
drops with my grades

s.s

you will never
be more important
to them
than
sipping
smoking
snorting
substance

tell me

how can you call that love

s.s

grip me up
kiss me love
hard
off guard
i'm giving up

giving in
with every touch
my head spins
almost too much

then melt
your tongue
with mine
running hands
across my spine

and slow it down
savor the feeling
stop time
send my mind reeling

hand through hair
kisses trailing
skin left bare

pull me in
hold me tight
grab what's yours
and you are mine

s.s

he's been through hell and back
so i vow to be his heaven
an angel in his eyes
i will defeat all of the demons

s.s

i've been flirting with death for too long
and my heart aches for him to take my hand
for his marks already linger at my wrist
so the least he could do is hold them

s.s

kiss me
slowly

let your mouth
drift across my neck
sending chills
down my spine
as your lips
meet mine

let your tongue
take control
and your eyes
drift closed
touching skin
left exposed

kiss me
like i'm yours

s.s

natural therapy
light breezes calm somber souls
remedy roses

s.s

drown me in your blue eyes
i'll bury you in my brown ones
infamous star-crossed lovers
we might just be the death of each other

s.s

2:00 am
you feel it coming
creeping up
try to ignore it
but it's making an appearance

2:11 am
can't close your eyes
like the surrounding darkness
has them pinned open
heart rate accelerates
for no reason

2:16 am
can't breathe
like your lungs are collapsing
crushing your heart
causing an aching heavy chest
you keep trying to stay calm

2:21 am
frantic
shaking and shaking
both your body and breaths
rocking back and forth
clutching knees
stomach
chest
holding yourself in attempt to steady your insides

2:29 am
tears fall
as panicked eyes search the room
looking for something to slow the chaos
but the thoughts march on
with the rushing blood in your veins

2:34 am
now up and pacing
collapsing on the floor
screaming through sobs
gripping hair
hitting walls
uncontrollable

2:48 am
blacking out
from lack of oxygen
****** knuckles and bruised skin
from punching anything
to release the built up energy
boiling within

2:55 am
slowed breathing
heart still racing
softly crying
confused on why
this seems to happen
why

3:00 am
sleeping far from soundly
heart still racing
exhausted from a fight
anxiety attacks
at any moment
you lose control

she never had a favorite color
always finding beauty in every shade
and when asked her favorite color
she simply spoke in a daze

"the greens of summer grass
bright and welcoming bare feet

the golden yellow of evening sun rays
how they dance across the sea

the deep red of fresh cut roses
brought to lovers doorsteps

the pale pink of early morning skies
the orange and scarlet that melts with it"

she had so many favorites
until she met him

for the second
she caught a glimpse
of his light eyes
that made even a clear ocean
seem mundane
she undoubtedly knew

her favorite color was blue

s.s

i will end my life
not today
not tomorrow
maybe not even in a year from now
but i will leave this world
by my own hand
for i was brought here
not by choice
i was created
without any consent
signed a contract to keep breathing
the signature being my first breath
so i will leave on my own terms
by my own hand
my choice

s.s

i want you
in every way there is to want a person

from lazy rainy days
sitting around in underwear
wrapped up in the covers
enveloped in each other

to lustful late nights
high happy and in love
too absorbed with each other
to focus on anything else

i want you
and i see so much in you
that counting all your perfections
would be like counting the stars
there's too many to keep track of
and they just seem endless

i am utterly in love
with every inch of your being
every corner of your mind
and everything in between

i might not know what i believe
or where i'm going
or what i'm doing
but i do hope
you'll hold my hand
and wander blindly with me
because as long as i'm with you
i don't need a destination
you are the journey

i am simply enamored with your entity
captivated by your character
fascinated
infatuated
amorous
in love

we are fire and gasoline
hurricanes and hot waters
shifting plates and the ocean
earthquakes and skyscrapers

we are lightning and metal rods
sharp turns and slick streets
recovering alcoholics and free *****
no water and high heats

we are two perfect ingredients
for inevitable disaster

s.s

"i love you
but i can't do this anymore"

she said softly with her eyes glued to his feet waiting for them to walk away

but they never moved

she gazed upward and locked eyes with him as tears dwelled blurring his features

only then
with a shake off his head
did he turn and leave

he needed to burn the image
if his blank expression
into her teary eyes
as a final goodbye

s.s

we are young and dumb
but with you
i wouldn't mind
growing old and wise

s.s

what if
we weren't meant to be and the stars in our eyes were born in different galaxies where their light will never mix or even come close to touching

what if
we're wasting time that we will never get back by pouring love into each other but never getting anywhere like watering plants that never seem grow

what if
we are fighting for something that's already gone like trying to raise the dead but just like the horror films we need to learn to let go

what if
we never see the future that we speak of in secret and it's all just a dream that we can only wake up from and realize it's not real

what if
we're killing each other without knowing like sitting in the closed garage with the car running breathing in something you can't see but is deadly

what if
we met at the wrong time like a freak accident on an empty highway we collided and created a mess to big for us to handle

what if
this isn't right but we can't tell because i have bad vision and you can't see through the *** smoke so we just keep blindly searching for a way to make it work

what if
you don't actually love me but i love you and it takes two to dance to this song but you're on the side lines and i'm shuffling my feet in an empty ballroom

what if
what if
what if

drugs drugs all the time
masking what you can't unwind
only masking

s.s

speak at my funeral
spill tears at my grave
know you did your best
but i wasn't someone you could save

s.s

sometimes love
just isn't enough

s.s

falling in love
is like sky diving
and pulling your parachute
only to find that it's ripped

once you've fallen
you can't go back

you thought it would be amazing
but it is suddenly terrifying
a thrill none the less

but there's no halting it

once you've fallen
there's nothing to catch you
and the crash is inevitable

s.s

enveloped in your arms
with my head on your chest
allow the steady thump of your heartbeat
lull me to rest
where maybe i might dream
with you by my side
instead of having these nightmares
eat me alive

s.s

i see nothing in myself
but empty eyes
and a broken shell
so when you say you love me
i think impossible
there's just no way in hell

you don't see the dark side of the moon

and it always lights your night sky

so i don't show you my demons

so i never dim, only brighten your life

s.s

looking at you
felt like coming home
after being away for too long
comforting
welcoming
love at it's finest

s.s

so simple

easy action
petite pill
satisfaction
hurting still

small shaking handfuls
followed by a small shaking voice
whispering i'm sorry
continued sketchy choice

rapid breathing
tremors all over
head spinning
soon will be over

sinking to bruised knees
but unable to feel the pain
highs no longer a tease
meds mask the insane

easy action
plenty of pills
satisfaction
finished and killed

so simple

s.s

if you were to craft a grin
from the brightest stars in the sky
it would still be incapable
of lighting a room
the way your smile does

s.s

love is the moon

it is the one thing that stands out
among a million stars
just the way the ones you love
steal attention from anything else

it can light the darkness
but always has a dark side
a side no one wants to see
but is always present

it controls everything
the minds, hearts, and seas
and is has an undeniable pull
like gravity on everyone

it is stunning and devastating
toxic and otherworldly
and we always give it our attention
just as we would to a full moon in the sky

sometimes it slips away
dipping below the horizon
or being eclipsed from sight
but it is still there, just out of reach

sometimes it seems bigger
closer and brighter
more captivating and enticing than before
but it can still be covered by cloudy days at any moment

love is the moon

beat with craters
though still shining bright
and we all have stardust
running through our veins  


s.s

one of the hardest things
she had ever done
was sit next to someone she loved
and feel their skin against hers
but not have the courage to kiss them
to grab them and pull them in
for it felt like swimming in the ocean
but never feeling the water

s.s

find me
under the stars
and we can make memories
that will sting your heart
months down the road
and fill your mind
like the full moon lights the sky

s.s

losing you
was like losing a limb

i made you a part of me
and depended on you
for so many things

so your abrupt departure
feels strange
like i'm missing
a piece of myself

and i can almost feel
where you used to be
but now there is just empty space
with nothing but pain to see

i can see the ocean in your eyes
and taste the galaxy on your tongue
but that's only if i ignore
the bloodshot glaze
and bitter taste of smoke

s.s

rock bottom
is when you no longer feel the need to hurt yourself
because the pain in your heart is overwhelming enough
that the physical aspect is no longer needed

so you sit
and build
this weight in your chest
thinking maybe

just maybe

this alone
will be enough
to do the trick

are you two back together
how should i respond
when i don't know whether
you still care or not

you might say that you do
but you are the one who left
and i really don't believe you
no matter what you confess

and i've got people in my ear
saying you're bad news
but it ******* hurts to hear
when you're still who i want to choose

so i'm not sure what to say
when people question about us
because it hurts at the end of the day
and it's not something i care to discuss

s.s

closer and closer
comforting yet electric
sets your skin aflame

the gold trapped in my dark eyes
could make flowers grow
but the rain and crystal water in yours
could make them flourish

s.s

you broke her

she is sitting in the bathroom
crying so hard she's blacking out from lack of oxygen because she can't breathe
and her hands are shaking more than usual
as her whole body contracts into a little ball where she screams through tears because no one's there to hear her

you broke her

and even if you are talking again you still left
and she still rushes to the restroom in school
to break down in the empty stall where no one can see
so she can pretend she is stronger than she really is

you broke her

she no longer likes waking up in the morning
because she already had problems before but now she seems to think that she will never be good enough
so many people have made her feel that way and now you're just another one on the list
and she has to face that every **** day

you broke her

she loved you
so
*******
much
and now whenever she tries to sleep you plague her thoughts so she is restless
numb and broken unable to piece together what happened
still confused by your actions

you broke her

and the only thing she can manage to think
is why
why
why

i feel dope sick
when you're not around
because your eyes
are euphoric
in a way
no one elses are
and just one look from you
makes me feel
indescribable
and i realise
i might just be an addict

s.s

you left

you
*******
left

with no explanation
you just left

so don't even try to rationalize
what you did this time
because you have made me feel
so worthless
that i don't think
you can fix it


s.s

your words are locked in your lungs
mixing with *** smoke
but never being exhaled

and your lips are locked shut
except when they're being parted
by some other girl's tongue

so i don't know how to talk to you anymore
because nothing real seems to come out
and you just can not communicate

s.s

i miss you
but i also miss who you used to be
when you cared
and weren't headed down such a dark road

when i look in your eyes
i can still see him
but you're killing him
and i'm not sure if you realise

i will never be with you
when you're like this
because i care to much
to just stand by
and watch your death

s.s

i can still smell you on my clothes
and see you burnt into my eyelids
and you still trace my dreams
so to avoid you i don't sleep

my hands are shaking
because i can almost feel you holding them
and my skin itches
where they used to be

i can taste you in the smoke
i’m breathing in to forget you
and i'm not sure if i'm choking
on the fumes or your name

but no matter what
the thought of you makes me dizzy
because ******* memories
flood my head
with tears drowning
everything i could cling to

s.s