And I realized...
Being busy wasn't what I looked for,
Busy
Busy
Too busy
To think.

Busy
Busy
So busy
So tired
Asleep.
I looked for busy people

Because then
They'd understand
The depths
And the dark
That only constant running
Can feed.

And how exhausting it is,
To have to escape.
Every day.

I hate love
It never leaves you alone
Clawing, whispering at you
And it, in its full glowing form never stays long
But its ghost never leaves.

A song creeps onto my speakers
And I’m there
Brushing your hair off your face
Grossly in love
Holding you so close.

And I can’t exorcise it
I’ve purged you
Deleted your existence from my life
But I can’t delete that love
And its lingering too long.

And I’m exhausted, haunted
By something long dead
That I’ve buried
I’ve found out
Love’s flame is eternal, isn’t it.

Like ribbons of smoke dancing in the air
You were beautiful
You were the Northern lights
Important enough to be watched in the freezing cold
You were fleeting and sweet
Cream swirling in coffee
Ripples in a pond
I loved you
But like all ephemeral things
Eventually you left too.

Kissing you was like breathing air
Simple and natural
Easy and sweet

But I didn't want air
I craved a forest fire
I needed a tornado to rip through me

I wanted bruises and cuts
But I craved you
For you to be the eye of the storm

To be there as air
So when the winds died
I could still breathe

Because though I wanted heat
Fire dies without air
Just like me, without you.

I loved you so
My darling beau
And I thought you loved me too

Until you stopped
And then I was dropped
On the floor with memories and tears

I adored you so much
But my grip you un-clutched
And entwined your hand with someone new

Now time has passed
Though my heart still is gashed
I finally feel hope again

Because though you hurt me
I finally feel free
Because I survived loving you.

Hey, Hi, How are you? Fine.
Words never spoken, only typed
Everything is fine
Everything is fine.
Meaning is derived from bits
Pieces
Parts
Punctuation
Turn into everything
No really it’s okay
It’s okay.

Heartbreak lingers for so long
Was I not enough?
Why’d you leave?

Alone
I learn
How to live
By myself now
It’s hard but I’ll be okay without you.

Once I thought love was tangible.
That it was gentle, precious
Careful and sweet
                                                           ­   Then I realized that love was an idea
                                                            ­  A theory that bruised and crumpled
                                                        ­                  Until you were used and torn



                                        *I don’t believe in love anymore

Bright and shining it was brand new
Held with awkwardness and care
Admiration grew
Slowly less awkward
Strengthening

Until it was knocked down
Punctured
Broken
And those problems were hidden away
Unknown

It was too late
It had passed
And in the aftermath
I learned that shiny and new things age
Die.

Boulders crushing
In a landside
Unable to lift
Betrayal hit me

My love crushed me
You crushed me
In a landslide
Stealing my breath away

“I’ll never hurt you”
“You’re too good for me”
“When you hurt I hurt”
In a landslide

In a landslide
You never came
And I faded away
Along with my trust in you.

She walked through the throngs of dancers
They looked like in their drinks they’d found answers

A young girl yelled her over and bought her a drink
Sometimes the job was hard but everyone had their financier

They took a picture and she left to get dressed
Shading, contouring, hair curlers, and glitter were her enhancers

She stood at the edge of the stage and heard her intro play,
As they shouted her name, she realized that this profession wasn’t a cancer.

And though it was a hard life, she loved every moment,
They kissed her hand and clapped with joy, and there she found her answers.

In feelings I never ventured,
Till I walked over to you and said hello.
You told me feelings were useless,
For those who had never lost,
But I didn’t care.

I thought I had lost plenty,
And that plenty had made me strong.
But I had never felt as weak,
As when you smiled at me.

                                                            ­                               Red rover red rover,
                                                                ­                    Send my love back over.
                                                           ­                                        I spilled in you,
                                                                ­              And you ****** it through,
                                                                ­           And never sent it back to me.

Ink
Worked in
Into skin
Patterns emerge
Secrets not for me
Obvious but hidden
Questions arise, why that design
What meaning does it hold for you
Flowers, skulls, lighthouses, birds and words
Intoxicating as they explain why
The reasons why they’ve changed themselves now
Into who they’ve become today
Remembrances and just because
It was pretty, it helped
Because life is hard
And this helps some
Remember
It goes
On.

Her name was Hawthorn
She had long thin limbs,
But was sturdy and unwavering,
People came to her for shelter,

And like a willow she protected them,
Her name was Hawthorn
Just like her name she flourished everywhere,
She was strong.

She was a bastion,
Strength to those who had lost theirs,
Her name was Hawthorn,
Nothing could hurt her.

Until she fell in love,
Heartbreak rotted her through,
Even the strongest oaks fall,
Her name was Hawthorn.

She was lovely
With hair that fell in soft curls
And skin that was soft and light
Her freckles were like stars
Forming constellations
And her eyes were like the sky
That had married with the sea
And moss that grew on the edges
Of great boulders
She was strong
She was lovely
She could move mountains
But she never saw herself as such
Like Aphrodite she was perfect
But she saw Hephaestus everyday
How do you make the sun see itself?
The moon reflects its light
But the sun never cares
She was the sun
I was the moon
She was lovely
But she never knew.

Love
   Grows on
For you dear
I love you so.
      You?

                                                 ­                                            Time
                                                            ­                                Passes
                          ­                                                           Ever changing
                                                        ­                           Onward forward
                                                         ­                                   Going


                      ­                  Hi!
                                 What’s up?
                               How are you?
                              I’m doing well.
                                      You?