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Oculi Nov 2017
One dose of a drug to make it intriguing
But we're taking more than that, reeling
Positivity out the window with these dead clouds
Oddity in bedlam for me, it has me wowed
So tell me why I feel this way
I'm not getting anywhere, but hey
90% of the things I've done in my life ain't as important as you
Sweeping that floor
333 · Nov 2017
Twinkle
Oculi Nov 2017
Lightning strikes, I hold my head
Left
Just look forward, nothing's bad
Right
Took everything that I had
Up
Did nothing but make me mad
Down
Feel like fire, I ain't dead

You know, we're the artifacts
We're the future, that's a fact
Steel yourself, not over yet
I will ****, you wanna bet?

Incoherent screaming
Clap
Bloodied to the core
Clap
Don't forget the feeling
Snare
Succumb to the gore
Break
*****, you're dead!
329 · Nov 2017
Emissary of Misery
Oculi Nov 2017
I breathe deep but air is all I can't find.
In this land of smoke I've got half a mind.
Well, still, there's just some ties that bind.
I guess this is one of the forever's kind.
Oculi Nov 2017
I'm tired of waking up in situations
Where I'm the one in suspended animation
The dreams are more prevalent these days
Since there's some more for us in the fray
I'd love saying they don't matter
But they're honestly far better

The dreams are suddenly telling me more
Always waking with my mind and body sore
Where in my dreams, my wings don't take me far
I never even got close enough to the desired star
I'm irrelevant to me, when I'm the most relevant
I'm the best, the stongest, smartest, the most elegant
But the king still doesn't mind
So I shall never come to unwind

I wish my armor still protected me
But instead, a god is what I must be
A pillar of shining light and hope
To help the First and Second on their downward *****

In the meantime, I've started losing myself
I hear them all in my mind, calling my name
It tears me apart.
Third of five.
Oculi Mar 2019
You taught me the absolution,
You, woman of exquisite dreams!
Oh, daughter of Apollo, you,
who sings, kicks and screams.

The noises you create
Will be of utmost importance
While you rattle and shake
and tear off your wings.

Salvation! Flows, oh, within
the lake of rich blood,
the wine of gorgeous Bacchus,
stronger than the womb.

You swim, as though it is sport,
creating shores of ****** concrete.
You will never get out and dry...
you might then stop drowning.

Your lyre will be unique,
for it will always wear red.
The color of blood: not enemies'
but of your own flesh.

You brought me my wings,
You, woman of accomplished dreams!
I tore them off time and time again,
but you just made them anew.

The cradle you represent...
That is my resting place,
a face of pure emotion,
of love, obsession, romance.

As though I'm a songbird,
and you're the tiger thrush,
you show power and the truth
with a warm smile.

Carry me and I'll carry you,
With pleasures of the flesh,
Feathers in the way, but no care
And crooked beacons of light.

You made me my lyre,
You, woman of broken dreams!
You heard me sing in my sleep
while you cried tears of joy.

You taught me about your father,
and your mother, Hera,
and I listened with intent,
knowing I might meet her one day.

You made me want what I
Could never have. I won't
ever forgive you, because
You once made me smile.

You made me a failure,
You, man of broken bottles.
You raged and fumed about
Whatever you cared about, not me.

You taught me shame,
but no ways to ever avoid it.
You taught me how to be pathetic.
You taught me to love the women of the world.
This is the first thing I've written in months so please bear with me.
Good to do this again, though.
304 · Nov 2017
"Johnny"
Oculi Nov 2017
Johnny, Johnny
He wants money
Never cared much
Just art and such
He's dreaming a red star
Is Hopeful of his bar
And then he died
The whole world lied
Said he was a saint
But I know he ain't
Johnny, Johnny
Hurray, hurray
Oculi Nov 2017
I screamed at the top of my lungs
My body was on the pavement, strung
Out deeper than the night, skies
Are filled with stars as he dies.

He was part of me, all that's left.
I'm now a body of bones here bereft.
I scream, I scream, I screamed.
No blood left, my soul upwards beamed.

Bells chime...
Le désordre c'est moi.
I come to die...
Je sonnes les cloches...
I'm taking you all with me.
Oculi Nov 2017
"Niche." That's a word that has been used.
Although describing me is fairly difficult.
"Intense." Could also cut it, or just "Abused."
But look at me, making myself out to be "Occult."

In reality, it's not about me or what I write,
Pretending that the pen I use possesses some might.
I feel absolutely disgusted by this, shed some light
On what I should be doing to change, this isn't right.

At the end of the day, it'll always be him and the suit.
The story of why he refused to enter is this tale's root.
But somehow I still make it about myself, I'm selfish.
If only I'd tried, nothing would be so awkward and niche.
282 · Sep 2019
Vong, They Call Me
Oculi Sep 2019
Vong, they call me
And call to me they do
The stitch, the incision
The lung of a fish
The bite of a tiger

Vong, they call me
Newer now than ever before
The ship sinking almost
My shoes fill with water
But to drown, never

Vong, they call me
Never knowing what made me so
It was somebody else!
All the holes, the drills
The incisions, the wounds

Vong, they call me
But am I Vong?
Or am I not?
Do I miss it?
My life as before?

Vong, they called me
But Quetzal I am
And bury Vong, I must
For he is filth, heresy
For he hurt me, and himself

And the sky turns blue
And the water blue
And Vong's face blue
But he will not drown
He asks for a space on my ship

His body torn in 17
His eyes curmudgeon
His limbs mismatched
His skin a darkened grey
I won't call him Vong

And sail towards the Sun
Sail towards the Sun
Sail towards the Sun
Sail towards the Sun
Without arms, man the ship, protect your kin

Vong, become my brother
You've been through the sea
You've been through the sky
You've flown through the blood red Sun
But still you strive for the ship

Safety, oh you beautiful safety.
To lead a better life, inside the Sun
And wait for the fire to pass
Wait for the ship to rise
Wait, for your love shall be here

Vong, they call me.
But Quetzal I am.
276 · Nov 2017
Lanquidity
Oculi Nov 2017
There are other worlds, they whispered
One hands me a cage, I'm his bird
I left myself in there to die
An eagle without wings can't fly
Think of new worlds within these walls
But never leave to see them all
Never know the way they did fall
Just eat your seeds, my tired dear
Another song from when I started getting back into poetry. For a little more info, read the note under Moanin'.
276 · Nov 2017
What a Wonderful World
Oculi Nov 2017
What a wonderful world, where people can come to life
A place, where ones like me lead like a butter through a knife
A land, where people like us, they're lead by the meek
A land, where all I can call myself is just weak
I have so many memories of this place that I'll never share
Seeing things, learning things, but to talk of them I'd never dare
All my memories will be lost in time, just like yours or theirs
That's just how the average tiny man in this world fares
A land, where all of us live only to learn and then die
Where that knowledge isn't shared, it's just yours or mine
Where we raise our sons and daughters not knowing our fate
After this, living in a fair, equal world is something I'd hate

Mother... father... you've raised someone such as yourselves
Someone who's ripe for this world's picking, someone well
I must thank all ancestors for making us so wretched
It's easier for us and the world to bury the hatchet
I don't hate you anymore, mom and dad.
You made me willing to die right.
276 · Mar 2019
The Story of a Lion
Oculi Mar 2019
Leon was a lion.
He lived in a pool of lava.
Never was he ever disturbed.
Leon was a bird without wings.
Leon was a runner without legs.

Leon was a lion.
Leon cried, all day all night.
Leon looked at the sky and asked God.
"God, what do you look like?"
And cried every day.

Leon was a lion.
Leon was cut, bruised, scarred.
Leon never had nobody, ever.
But one day, Leon heard a sound.
It was God.

"Leon, my small child.
Let your soul run wild.
Live a long, great life.
While you are still rife.

Let your soul run free.
You are who you'll be.
I really love thee.
And now so does she."

Leon was a lion.
And so was she.
But she looked like God.
And God looked like her.
So Leon cried no more.

Leon was a lion.
Who lived with a beautiful family.
In a beautiful house.
And Leon cried no more.
For she had found a home.
259 · Nov 2017
Moanin'
Oculi Nov 2017
The piano jingles, it speaks
The brass is smiling, it creaks
The ensemble's finally ready to play
They are all here so people make way
The music starts, bass moanin'
Albert, Charles, Art groanin'
All these beautiful sounds, just like life
But I don't hear any of them
None of this is real
A poem from earlier this year, one that I didn't necessarily want to publish, because it was before I had any confidence in my ability to return to poetry. I decided to put it out now that I'm feeling less and less drive to make more, because I feel like people deserve to read me at my weakest.
250 · Nov 2017
Ben
Oculi Nov 2017
Ben
Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies
Do you ever say the truth, Ben?
One of these days, you'll be your own demise
You've got to square up, man
I'm forgiving, I don't strike the iron easy
But your constant stream of lies, now and then
It impacts me, it makes me think about who you are to me
You're a horrible person, Ben.
You're full of yourself, you're a liar, you're egoistic
You've never given me anything worthy of my time
I wouldn't ever call you my friend, Ben.
Yet you seem to cling to me, like a fly to a box of ****
I call myself bad names often, but compared to you?
I'm truly a heart of gold, Ben.
Oculi Dec 2020
The smell of burnt hair.
Pyre, made of autumn leaves.

A sound beyond hearing.
Metal, bending and twisting.

One eye, but not the other.
One ear and two more.

Lines, straight lines.
No curves, no wrinkles.

Do you hear it?
Can you see it?

A fire you can't put out.
Burning ice like a thunderous cloud.
Oculi Nov 2017
I've got grounds to discuss this
For I'm utterly disgusting
My poor lungs must be busting
Under the smoke that's thrusting
I have filled them with dread
As I've filled myself
As the cancer tumor spreads
I regret all I've ever been
228 · Nov 2017
"J"
Oculi Nov 2017
"J"
Hey, friend.
It's been a minute since we could talk.
I thought I'd steal your life for a minute and we'd walk.
I need someone to listen and I'm selfish enough,
To just take it for myself and be incredibly rough.
Of course, I'm not serious, don't fret.
You're looking at me different from back then I bet.
I haven't changed at all, my emotions dime a dozen.
I still love you so much, but I know your heart doesn't.
I've been empty since I left you, but I won't ask you to come back.
I remember how we could have been and I wouldn't cut you no slack.
I wish I was still there, resting my head in your lap.
Getting kissed by you, using your legs to take my nap.
I wish I could take back the drying blood from my hands.
My own or his or hers or theirs, I don't know, my psyche bends.
Don't worry, I'm not taking my own blood from me.
That's what my friends are for, good people, they help, see?
We've been playing around, doing some... knife play.
It's been making me all better cutting all that way.
These days I'm cold, I'm sick, I'm hurt, I'm ravaged.
There's more holes in my soul than on my body, I am damaged.
I've been taken apart by my friends and family and myself.
My conscious frozen solid and placed right up on a shelf.
But you couldn't help me anymore, you have your things yourself.
Take my word of advice and please take care of your shelf.
I must leave for now, knife play waits, I'll never see you again.
I hope you see me as the hopeless kids we were right there and then.
Please never live without my smile in your heart.
Please forget my death and take me back to the start.
And with that, I take my leave, I love you.
I always have. I always will.
Remember my seed in you.
Remember my ruin in you.
Remember my blood.
Sincerely,
"J"
Oculi Aug 2020
The gust of wind in my back
I hear cicadas again
And tamed horses roam
Oh mother, I am back home

My breath short
And the heat soaring
Alone, as you were
Forgotten like a cur

The blades of grass welcomed me
And the trees whispered nice words
And the walls blankly listened
And my song was sung

But Hungary, my sweet old home
No more is my song for you

My breath shorter
Interrupted and forced to
Become one with that gust of wind
I run like the hunted
And my hunter the trusted

Lies, deception, corruption
That is what you are
My dear, sweet Hungary

The blades of grass no longer welcome me
And the trees turn their heads as the autumn comes
And my breath long, wispy and furtive
My song a ballad of my sadness
But there is nobody to sing it
And without ears, these shadows cannot hear it

I'm untangled from you, Hungary
I despise you, blades of grass
I will ignore you, trees, like you have chosen for me
This is not my home
The soil from whence I came and clay from whence I was made
I hope it dries up, I hope the end finally comes for you
And maybe then, you will wish for a different path
You will wish you had heard my song
207 · Oct 2023
Prose #2
Oculi Oct 2023
I see the devil in all things. It's not even particularly well-hidden, not like some trick of the imagination or a disguised magician, it's hiding in plain sight to me. Not the sort of devil that a cult may tell you of, not some huge, red demon with the beard of a goat, but something more primal. Fear. Loathing. Hatred. Something malicious, something insidious, something downright disgusting is hiding amongst all which touches the light I walk upon. An idea of evil, a form of maleficence, an essence of carnage, a torment of the psyche. I walk unlit roads towards a house which does not feel like a home. I see it within the groups of youngins that shout, scream and stare me down like a starving, broken hound. I see it in the lonely old man with the fishing hat and the widest, deepest wrinkles one could ever see. He approaches and I feel the cold, biting sting, then the twist, and the switchblade enters my belly. Something is ruptured, I am sure, and I will bleed to death right here, under the inviting smile of an evil moon, on this playground I've trod upon so many times. But no, no, the warm gushing of blood simply does not come as he passes me, the cold is all-encompassing and stark and I realize the blade never came out, it was merely his stare, his essence that penetrated my stomach so violently. I see it in the mother and father that walk near me. I know all they could think about was tearing me apart, bit by bit, inch by inch, biting into my flesh and carving me up like a pig, putting me down with a pickaxe to the forehead like a workhorse. All that was keeping them back was the child on the father's shoulders, so young, so clean, so pure, untainted by such evil. But it'll grow. It will become an adult someday. And woe is me if I see them then. But I do have good news, I do!
There is not much left of this path, so short, so narrow, so hard upon the soles of my boots. Soon I can walk inside and experience once again how ghastly, isolated, frozen, lifeless. Truly despicable is this room. There is no home within this house. The devil is in all things, but some things different than others. The walls used to laugh at me but now they stare in silence. They know better than to scare me now. They instill these images of specters coming to **** me in my sleep, but without a word. They do not speak to me, for they know what will happen if I am simply left to my own devices long enough. Clever is this old devil, it is, for it knows its greatest weapon in this war against me is itself the subject. It knows, it does, that one day, one miserable, gray day, under the clouds that block out even that disgusting moon that carries me, that smiles with me, that accompanies me better than any man ever did, I will do its bidding for it. I will simply have had enough and I will leave, and it will greet me with a grin that could harm a man in its sly and smug luminosity.

But that day has not come, that day is not today, and the future is as grim and unseemly as the past, almost like they bleed into each other, like a river of sewage running directly through my soul, carving the rocks until they're the color of **** and tempering me with the essence of garbage. And what do I do in response? I simply endure. I stand and face the river, thinking myself some hero, some sisyphean idol of martyrdom for claiming to know the agony of living. When in reality, all beings face the same agony, they just do not see it. But I do. I see the devil in all things.
190 · Feb 2020
Those Folks
Oculi Feb 2020
Those folks
They cry about forgotten love
As though it's a thing of yesterday
We all snicker at their naiveté
For it is known their love cares little
So cry on, little poet, cry your little heart out
But you achieve nothing

Those folks
They weep as though they're wounded
Yelling wolf about some depression
What's got you down? Some advice
Maybe stop taking yourself so seriously
Poems about how hard it is from noblemen
You've never seen the Tysa overflow

Those folks
Crying over your mother like a child
So what if she is dead?
Shouting to the rest of us like some imbecile
Crazed upon the perch of suicide
When it is just a woman who birthed you
Why, mine didn't even love me

Those folks
Singing odes to addiction
Be it hiding behind drugs or alcohol
Snubbing your face with powder
Locking yourselves in your room
Suspended bodies of privilege
Crying about hardship

Those folks
Who have never been attacked by their own mind
Assaulted by their trusted
Tricked by those they loved
Who've never seen a man take his life
Or heard someone get shot
And think they've been through it all

Those folks
Who have never heard the true songs
The real notes of reality pass them by
Hide from the world all you want
But those prophets were once right
And if you had listened you might know
But you just assumed you're as smart

You folks
With your upper-class *****
Your cliques of conceit and deceit
Those godforsaken silver windows
You've never seen it rain like it does
You've never seen the fire in the forest
So quiet down, you good-for-nothing *******.
178 · Nov 2019
The Hungarian
Oculi Nov 2019
Birds of a feather
Do flock together
So I see a swan, ever so often
For I'm on my death bed

It is a resting place that I turn to every night
The next day waking in a bittersweet abyss
For I nary rest my mournful eye
And once I do, it still opens evermore

What is it to take a title?
I step on pedestals once and twice
On my hand, a mantle, a gauntlet
On my back, a cape, head, a crown

Who am I to assume the roles of the passed and the gone?
I step and step and step in their footsteps and live
Never have I drowned myself in bile
Or fastened a rope around my wounded neck
Never clipped my beautiful wings
I just burned the tips, to stay flightless
Took off the crown and weeped forever
While the idolized watch over me and hope I stand

Who are you, who were you, who will you be?
Am I as you describe, a knife in the dark?
I've been dreaming the words of a prophet
Because, honey, I am the wall, the bastion
And you are the sweet, piercing trumpet
Tear me down, so I can rise from the ashes
Never once will I die
I am immortal

I am a star whose beams shine bright black
My confusion reaches past these hospital windows
Woman, please help me in my woe
I'm new here, a stranger
I don't recognize this

I am a pestilence that strikes animals
Or a Dutch merchant
I am the star who burns like the brightest candle
I am the woman who walks on the edges of thorns
And dives deeper and deeper into despair
I am the homeless man who asks for money
In exchange for a poem from another homeless man
My knowledge is none and immeasurable

Dancing through streets of gray concrete
The rain knocks on my forehead and eyes
Are the empty chambers still full and free?
Are you happy to see me?
Or is that a gun in your pocket?

Sing swan songs, so the people may hear you
Let them know, may they cry in their darkest hour
While your heart rises above the ocean of blackness
They cry out for you, but it's too late. Always too late.
That was your last song, and it will never again be sung.

That was your last song, and it will never again be sung.

Birds of a feather
Do flock together
So I see a swan, ever so often
For I'm on my death bed

No, nurse, I do not want it
Bringing me medicine won't help
Do you not get it?
All my songs are my last song, I'm not leaving.
I wanted to write about identity. My country and its identity are synonymous with passing.
162 · Oct 2023
Prose #1
Oculi Oct 2023
I see and hear it all this dreary night. Sirens of many varieties under a sickly pale green moonlight. Police, ambulances, firefighters, hell, maybe even the army is involved. And all for such a little, insignificant, measly thing with no ramifications at all. Looking at the moon unbound by a window is far brighter but I float back inwards to see the gorgeous, yellow, orange and red flames licking my former room and what remains of my belongings. There is nothing left of me, but it was over quite quickly, so there is no need to complain. Some little ghoulish figure set a fire under my bed claiming it would finally warm me, then blamed it on me when the flames consumed both it and I. Nothing is better now than it was before, yesterday and the day that preceded or the day that came even before then, although the lord knows I can't even remember that far back. Nothing is better, as I was saying, because there is nothing to do, and nowhere to be, no one to see and nothing to look forward to. The heavens wouldn't take me, but hell rejected me too. It was a few minutes ago that I learned that those wise crazies from centuries ago, who had called the soul undying, were right, but anamnesis simply wouldn't come and I was not worthy of apotheosis.
So even what little I could hold in my hands, the sparks of warmth that I was given oh so rarely, had moistened and turned to drops of water, and I could not even join the fire and the cosmic jubilee. I looked upon my scorched abode once again and sighed. Or would have, had I lungs still, but it seems incorporeal beings have their limitations. No matter, limitations and disappointment were nothing new to me. I floated onward to lament and hope for another day where maybe, just maybe, some body would need a wandering, lonesome soul. Eventually, after hours became days and those days became weeks and those weeks became months and those months became years and those years became worthless to keep counting out to myself, floating turned into such a **** chore. Sitting was impossible, so that was out of the question, as well. And it simply wouldn't come. I eventually forgot what it even was that I was waiting for, and with nobody around, nothing would even remind me. Alas, existence can be tedious, but non-existence is just such a bore.
159 · Nov 2017
The Blood of John
Oculi Nov 2017
It's been many lives since I've moved
I've been sitting here, a point proved
My blood filled many a paper with words
My sacrifices have become my own works
I've cut my veins millenia ago
Then I had given artistry a go
I became The Uncharismatic Man, Hades
I adored the names people gave, these
Titles praising my works: The Martyr,
The Writer, John the Saint, The Bard, er...
It has been quite a while since then
Since I had a gathering of many men
Praising what I wrote by daylight
Awaiting the next great epic by night
I had become a legend, my name never died
But slowly and surely, all my blood dried
I sit here, wallowing in my own filth
I've grown my roots and I shall with time...
Finally stay in one place forever.
153 · Jul 2023
Solemnity
Oculi Jul 2023
There's a girl down in the valley
And she dreams of being warm
But it's a winter's day in June
The feathers torn from her longcoat

And she sleeps in her mother's bed
She doesn't speak in her own tongue
Some days she just speaks none at all
And she just sees herself a ghost

There's a girl down in the valley
Who doesn't dream much anymore
And when she does it is of torment
Which always comes true after all

She used to dream of being tall
To be a giant in the moonbeams
But she's a wretched little thing
And she gets smaller every day

And when the voices all stop singing
That's when she meets her own small tune
It's out of key and full of misery
And there's no one left to hear it
148 · Apr 2019
Who I Once Was
Oculi Apr 2019
A horned individual looks at me
He calls to me, but he gets more and more distant by the second
I reach out and touch his hand
But it slips out of my grasp
He slowly becomes obscured as I see him grow from a simple child to an adult
Just like I have

He shouts towards me in a language I have not heard in years
I understand it
I look back and stop in place
I am now at a crossroad in my life
Do I take him back? Do I introduce him to the present?
Or do I let him rot in peace without me?
142 · Aug 2023
...and the world goes blind
Oculi Aug 2023
The sound of blood dripping
Faint and repetitive thumps
Rouses me from my daze
And I look down upon the scene
What remains of a face is there
One even a mother couldn't identify
And my hands covered in fresh viscera
So I start to piece it together

Upon recollection I realize
The punishment you received
Inflicted by my heavy hands
Was nowhere near severe enough
I took from you the clarity of vision
But I must continue onward
Knowing what you took, I'll never regain
Always cursed to be less than before

Wherever you end up now
I hope your torment never eases
And you find no grace or mercy
No forgiveness for sins unrepentant

I will never be whole
And never be loved
As long as it's not undone
I will always be nothing
133 · Aug 2023
Coldlight Apostles
Oculi Aug 2023
Be ye, who are not forgiven
Like the wind
Fleet of foot and silent

Fly then, mine sorrows
Away with ye
And til we meet again

Cry not for fear, nor grief
Ye shan't suffer
Among rats or roaches

Skittering, clawing beastes
Be with me
In mine hours of solitude

Sing not for love or loss
Rest thy voice
And thine weary head in a lap

All that must be will be
And has been
So sleep eternal in cold heat
129 · Apr 2023
Being-Unto-Faunomalia
Oculi Apr 2023
As a child, they teach you what is
And inquisitively you find it isn't
What is and is not, and where do I come in?
I, who think and feel, but not my own
She, who walks, is not I
As I, who think, am not her
Still yet, we are joined at the hip, we are twins
The big sisterly ghost and the little sisterly robot

If I am who I am but not who she is
And she represents me
Then only tangentially do I see these creatures
The pigeons, lizards and moles
As well as horses, cats and dogs
And still yet, those too are me and not I
All are shards of the greatest Broken Mirror
Or fragments of a fading memory in Him

As the famous term insists, a writhing mass
Though writhing is incorrect, it is unmoving
Stable, expanding, becoming-living and unvoid
Moving all which moves and breathing all which breathes
It is in him that we are finite, but becoming-infinite
Approaching eternity while rotting away meaning
Mirror images of mimicry and specters of words
Colliding in the Great that is Unknown but Knowing

So finally, all I see is that which is synthesized
A world created just for me, a tale untold
They, the Otherness spouts drivel and slander
About my sight being the flaw in my Machinery
I am she, and the fauna which you see
I am she, and the great Anomaly
To paraphrase He, who is Perfect and Unmoving
I am that I am, I will be what I will be
112 · Feb 2023
Exam Period(s)
Oculi Feb 2023
Whatever the light touches
That is which I leave behind
Whatever it does not
That is what I shall inhabit
There is no particular reason
But we curse ourselves regardless
For the coming of all days
And the willingness of the body

The cold is stark outside
But the frost inside is insidious
A factory of misery
An identity of confusion
111 · Apr 2023
Shaving Mirror
Oculi Apr 2023
I see the sun, no sky
Through a world of closed eyes
All day awake and alert
Though I wish that I weren't
All that which is real
Does nothing but disgust
That which is perceived
Pounds the mind to dust

I am not who I am
A spirit trapped in chains
Organs are my dam
I'm enslaved and maimed

Is this all there is?
Will there be no more?
I might take the risk
And give in to the gore
100 · Jul 2023
Moonchild
Oculi Jul 2023
Welcome to the festival
Where chaos true shall reign
Many saints have blessed it all
I'm heralding the pain

I seek and I beseech
My trembling hands do reach
Your approval I seek
With eyes bereft and meek

O Gracious Lord of all
Through winding dreams I fall
Is there no resting place
Have I lost all my grace

Weak and haphazard I sing
And dance around a yellow king
Transfixed upon a dimming moon
Whose gaze returned upon me soon

What more is there to say than this
To be without, empty of bliss
I crave the warmth of soft embrace
In you I've found my long lost grace
Likely the first romantic poem I have ever written. It is not something I am good at or experienced in. Excuse the tardiness.
98 · Mar 2023
Stage Lights
Oculi Mar 2023
Today I am fragments of a person
And not part of a whole
Shards of broken glass with faces
And a melancholy in unknowingness

Today I am deeply paranoid
Conducting the goings-on in pain
And there seems to be no border
Between the mental and physical

Today I am a rabbit, hunted
Always on the run, with nimble steps
And an overwhelming sense of dread
It is a unique experience to face doom

Today I am Meursault in spirit
Not because of the general indifference
But because of the lack of exit
And considerations of ****** or suicide

Today I am a Caravaggio painting
The deep darkness envelops everything
And seeps into the soul in secrecy
To consume that which is untainted

Today I am the notes of Cecil Taylor's piano
What more is there than disorder
And clusters of blinding angelic light
Which seem to ease these shackles for a time

Today I am in a Lynch film
For a sense of reality to that which is unreal
For moments of understanding shattered
For calm in shock and anxiety in stillness

Today I am asleep in the world, awake in the dream
Memories fly away from me
All that remains after a long day is a shell
An automaton stripped of its autonomy

Today... what happened today?
I cannot for the life of me recall, but it was unpleasant

Today? Today... I am the prisoner
Oculi Sep 24
Whirling, in incessant motion
Circular, wrung out, excreting waste
The sacred body, the holy conductor
Of the forbidden, heretical "I"
Motions of intensity, lines and speed
In the face of abstract, scurrying rats
Face, the truly curious abomination
The single versus the several

Molecules revolving rapidly, rabidly
A veritable molecular-revolution
The many fluids of langue
Flowing languidly through rapids
Lanquidity, flux in meaning
Or meaning, nothing by nature
Likeness only, not even Nature
Not machinic, purely artificial

What is meant by "I disappear"?
An order, perhaps, not observation
Observed, of course, and obeyed
I disappear! I am no longer!
No longer what? No longer I!
A becoming, or unbecoming
A decision between void and oblivion
Will you meet me on the other side?

— The End —