rise, like oceans waves
and fall back down, crash.
if i am worthy, worthy once,
shall i let myself continue,
breath by breath?

i do not wish to rise,
and i picture you, nodding.
of course, doubt is destroyer of worlds,
yet still, my mind keeps capturing the phrase:
"keep being you,
don't stop chirping that tune".

so rise, rise with a smile!
the weights have not been casted yet.
sail forth on new adventures!
at least, if the mutiny inside of me,
was not so subdued.

i can see you now, your look down upon me.
of course, the words will never match your intent,
and i'm afraid once more,
i've had to rise again.

if life were only simple, simple enough
for me to stop rising,
for you to stop blaming,
for us to stop sharing.
was it true, i am
who i am?

if i could be another force,
id have the spirit of adventure,
id have an independent soul,
but am i attatched
to chains of emotional apprehension

rise and crash,
bold and brash,
what i wouldn't give,
for you to excuse my overstay,
and for me to fade away.

You were doomed to a life underneath a city
But that wasn't you fate, nor interest
Wanting a life that's free
So you left that district

Of course I went,
I'm that less of a servant
Only then did I evolve
And you held me high

You lead the moon lit war
And I lead the daylight hope
Butterflies, knights, and midnight
Meant nothing more to me than pink lips

So when you left
I realized I was worthless without you
We were losing a battle for stars

When she came back I was at night again
And though I meant of nothing
She let me see the light
And let me feel something

Numb and dumb
We fought again
But the darkness consumed her
And the purpose

I kept fighting through a bottle of mixed chemicals
And the grasp of being called
"Not real"

And she found another
She gave up on the Earth's hope
For him
The only one who understood

My precious, captive swan

Don't do this.

And your wingspan is no more?

I was his first!

And you'll be mine last!

He stripped the skin, the kickstand was made of meat and bones. Kicked with words and meaning. But the fawn of the day would come for me.

Love, let the water guide you!

And let this rake violate you?

Let the her amber wings fly!

Not before you let her cry!

The forest queen, shall be no more!

And so? Your heart is now sore."

Blessed tree of the forest
It blooms with the wind
And in it's mind eye
It shall whither to love

So a fawn but a man
Asked the queen, but a mother
A freedom of a night
Without her rule

He had discovered the prettiest of thistles
A stinging sensation
Her dress looms through the Earth
And her heart looms through his soul

But the queen of the forest
Was his master
She pulled from a cradle of leaves
For he was left to leave

He owed her life
But wanted a night
Of waves in the ocean with his flower

The queen, the tyrant
Agree she may
But in her heart
She was dancing through thorns

But the lover was dead for when the fawn reached
She was stabbed at the heart
A baby left to die

The man returned
But his mother was dead
By a wilted tree

Leaves of beautiful awakening
If only I could have experienced them longer  
But bones are bones, shaking
Now my life is a pondered situation

I don't blame him for her fears
It was just a game
Just a game,
Just a game, no more

If I could have stopped her, would the pupa be alive?
Would Her Judge not fall in melancholy?
But I am just a ghost of time,
A maid of his destruction.

Though, only a couple survived the moon explosion
And she was there with me, the one who took my life
I forgive her,
I forgive her,
I forgive her,
But if only the killer could forgive himself.

The girl with a sense for justice
Along with two red eyes
She looks to you as the leader
But you cannot guide her

The girl with clear, teal eyes
Sisters, you are
Until revenge takes it's toll
Now you're the scourge

The girl with twisted feelings
You take her hate and corrupt it
So she can see again
But only see black

The girl with a wicked smile
You help build a legacy
And friendship, even more
Blows to dust

The girl who can control not her feelings
But the mind she sees
And then tears roll out
Onto her necklace of pyrope

Thief of a golden light
Blood of a night leading the forbidden sates
Something that confirmed victory
Confirmed hope

But until a heir closes the gate
Our light is stolen
Time and space consumed
Lost in void.

In the cop's car
By the last light
It gives the worst sight

Pull the plug
Would you like to name your faults?
When holding on
You just keep falling down

Because the ghost of you
And all the scars that
Will never
Ever
Ever

Well, just of that luck
Or unreal fate
Under our lives
Never, ever, but
Done

Moreover to true tales
Even when lies have never spoken

Sometimes I wonder why I keep writing poems? I was reading through some that I have pre-written but not released yet, and I realized something. They were all similar, talking about pain and what not. I'm trying to change my subject of writing so it doesn't feel repeated, but I don't know.  I feel like I'm best at writing about despair.
Any thoughts?

And goodnight

She said
"Like earth and water I'll be always there"
But you were gone when i needed you most

Just to find wrong ways
And our decomposing hearts
All in front our eyes

Our hurdled master
Thinking of our choice
But not of consequence

So we are let here to rot
Infused with darkened thoughts
And crested love

Left on my feet
Only to fall
Victim and finally
Enter in my heart

I** wish I wasn't
So fake

For we both call
And finally realize;
Know our mistakes
Even if we can’t handle pain

This beauty that I’m faking
Only takes away the hope I’m lacking

I can only find it hard to say
From the words they say
Please, let me in

But we chose the life we’re breaking
Plus the friends that have been making
How can we live like this?

And I will cry all I want to,
I don’t care
How much you invest yourself in this belief
It’s not working out for me

And through pale faces                    
Our dark ghosts                                
Can’t mix with beautiful graces        
And they poison the hosts              

And just to smile
Can show the pain
That all the vain
Decided it wasn't worth their while

And when black strings
Climb to your neck
Your despair spreads like wings
And you turn into this wreck

And I have seen the wrong
Of these dark thoughts
And the red remains of silver
And bloodied eyes

And chilled to the bone
Lays my smile
The one that always had to be forged
To survive the abyss

No wonder I feel so cold and dead inside
It’s hard and petrified
Unhopeful
And impure

And while these broken wings
Come up and drown me
All I hear are rings
That would've made me free
                                                    
All I have been looking for
In my dreams
I don’t want the glory
And these rainbow studded beams

And I have still been looking for
The happy inside of me
Shore to shore
I could always believe

And you have yet to see the light
Maybe you will know
It has not yet shown
And you will see my right

I have been broken
Put together and smashed
It has yet been spoken
But it feels like I have been bashed

These invisible tears
If only you could see my fear
But it doesn’t matter
Because you are happy

Like a deer running through the forest
Trampling little lives that meant of no importance
And not a single thought left behind

Humming through trees
Whispering through souls
Almost like a perfectly timed song
Except they missed the part
Where the birds sang free

Leaf hanging from a tree
Never to be put out of misery
Until someone finally notices
But they never wanted to see pain.


I used to think I was strong
Maybe I wasn't strong enough
Or I let my guard down
To fall into this blackness
What's the point of being invincible
If I have to suffer this?

Brave like a soul
Courage rains through your heart
And throw this life breaking storm
We will emerge
And find out
We were our own heroes

Feathered saviour
Coming from an all high
May just save our burnt and froze skin
And take us of light wings
But I don't think this one is called hope.

Sweet comes first
Then there is regret
But we can push that all aside
We can ignore the aftermath
Till we realized we lost
To our own decisions

I think they mean to be this way
I think they mean this pain
I think they want me in this void
They love getting what they want

Flying on ice
Running on wings
Doing the impossible in our own way
And smiling to the non believers
Racing to see who gets to our hearts first

Joy is like love
Happiness seems to last forever
Sadness left alone
And forgotten

Watching rockets kiss the sky
But the flames burnt out
And rain washed again
Sadness has a friend now

Everything seemed black
Everything seemed sad
Till I saw a silver dress

I dance around gold shores now
Silver dress and red shoes
I felt like a princess
What kind of princess?
Just imagine.


Hearts only desire to beat
Brains like to think
Lungs are there to breathe
And lips are here to destroy with meaningless words


Endless void
Useless space
Black forever

These fears can never help through time
And hope can't carry on strong
I wonder what space is like
I think it's empty like me

Fragile like a glass cup
But colorful like the evening's rainbow
One drop
And a nature's masterpiece is gone
In a way it's like me
One drop
Then it's gone.

Red sandy beaches
Water soaking the edge
It's like the sea is crying
From being destroyed

But the sand is still soft enough
To dance mercilessly on  
And maybe that's why
I love the endless sea

Drifting along a riverside
And water is the tingle of sweetness
Relaxing on life
Drifting far away
Drifting where?
I cannot say.

Stars can only show some beauty
Forging these smiles
And thunder roars our darkest desires
If this is only a joke
Then why aren't we laughing?

They say to shoot for the moon
And if you missed
You would land among the stars
But they didn't think the stars are made from despair
Because one can only shine
If others is surrounded in darkness

Lies and lies
I don't think of them as lies
Just another truth
So what if you are what you aren't?
It just shows them
That they can't say who you are.

Loving the sound of danger
And our ultimate energy
Of the breaking
And the building
Then it just flies away.


Shading the scars
Caressing the faint whispers
Trembling limbs
It's like you almost made one mistake
Almost

Frosting windows
And icy breath
Trembling down to our knees
Falling to soft flakes

All I need is the warmth
And just security
The knowledge
That you actually care.


Starfall could bring one to tears
And it was the very hurt you sold
Of this brilliant and black
And the leaf has yet fallen
From this unholy tree

Rain can go anywhere
And share it's life
Some get more than others
The others fail to live

These tears from the clouds
Are the blessings of ghosts
Ghosts of our ferocity

Flame in this blue
Where everything could of been good
And this hologram could of been real

But this fire is still here
And these fears still linger
What can I do without you?

Playing in lost droplets
Screaming in sacred secrets
And the pains where we are buried
Down we go
And we all fall down
Never to meet purity

You're not the one to blame for
You don't have to leave
You don't deserve it

I'll take you're place
Dont die because of me

Changing every detail
Like covering up tracks on pure snow
Ruining the scenery more
Except I deserve it

You're not the only one I let go of
You're not the only posion I let in my life
You're not the only one I didn't care for
Because you barged into my own life

You were really nice
Until you met me
You tried so hard and so far
But why?

So I've been trying to clean my life
But it's hard when trash keeps barging in
But at least this time
The trash got out by it's self

You going away isn't hurting my feelings

I love feeling this way
I love feeling this pain
I love feeling like trash
I love dying

I'm so glad you're out of my life now
I'm so glad that I don't have to deal with you
I'm so glad I don't have to feel this weight
I'm so glad I can die

We can dance with scarlet ankles
And dress in silver lining
We leave our mark in our hearts
But I don't want to do it with you

But I'm still sorry
I just don't know who I'm sorry for

So they told me of the deepest scars
And let me shush
They let me try to help
And that I did

So I smile for them
And scar for them
Let these secrets sink in
To never return

I still think about them though
I wonder why they told me
I wonder why they came to me
I feel like a different person

And the snow drifts down
From fallen clouds
Just like from the sun above
Your surface reflects yellow

And scarlet droppings line my ankles
Melting away the white snow behind me
So beauty falls
And death calls

Blooded grins come from a shadowed face
So we skip on a beach of silver blades
Dancing together till our only might is despair
And despair leaves too

So I lay here
Close to the wall
And I hear the birds call
For death has been coming near

There is secret
I haven't told them
I can't let them worry
And I can't let them see

I smile at the laughs
Pretending they won't be the last
And getting ready
To hang my wrists

Yet all truths have an end
And it's done to play pretend
I need to tell you all something
I'm dying

Burning on
Just like a match you strike our hearts
But still not the most important part
And it's the new dawn

Came a time
Where every night
Brought you to tears
We are the very reason

And the light will keep shining
Through blacked sky
And the reason I'm here
Is for the flamed hearts

So we cling to close to our lives
And dig our own graves
Your heart begins to break
And crumble like this world

So you put on your armor
And you begin to leave
You leave because your free
And your soul shatters

While red may line the rubble
And only your silhouette is left
The match will keep burning
Because I love you

They look at you while you sleep
Right through burning souls
And blackened hearts
Right through the window

A child once believed
That they can change
And they can be good
But she was a monster too

They grab you by the wrists
And take your breath
And you raise your hands
To burning stakes

They take a hold of you
Ready to finish off
But it doesn't matter
Because you finish off your own self.

It’s like sunshine on warm skin
And this city we love
Won’t stand the darkness
And we smile at our own fools

And through this rubble
We will emerge
With angel white wings
With light on our faces

We fly through the black
And spread the happiness
We can survive this task
So we can love ourselves

It is like through clear glasses
And it was right in front of me
Yet I couldn't see
The way it passes

Like a sickening breath
It all hurts
And it comes in bursts
And then comes death

Why couldn't it appear
Loud and clear
In front of me
Like the black tear

And now we are free
From our dark desires
Hanging from white wires
And we didn't flee