Take with you my spirit.
I brought it with me when I visited;
Tasting of apples, smelling of cheap perfume:
Happy to see you.

With no key, no schedule,
I was the Prince, you were Repunzel:
Smiling at me out your window.
Your arms were my favourite place in the world.

Take with you the picture
Of my sad eyes: heavy and puffed.
Holding my own hand.
Happy that I now could.

I made my choices, lost my way.
You learned more about me then.
Frown lines cracked my porcelain face.
Your presence offered me solace.

Take with you my love;
It stayed around all these years.
Missing your hands, searching for your eyes.
Happy to have met them.

Time took with it the motions.
Though, inside me we both stand still.
I catch glimpses of your arms, and your delight,
But you are no longer in the crowd.

A light came into the world,
Wearing a long dress,
The nicest smile,
Carrying the greatest heart of gold.

That light had a son:
Our best friend, father and Grandad,
The most wonderful other half
To an already lovely woman.

Together they had a family,
Joining heritages,
Crossing seas,
Found themselves in Leeds.

But that was only the beginning of the journey:
Between the weekend trips with their good friends,
The cruises where they laughed and danced,
Wearing his best bow tie;

To the sofa days,
Keeping up with the Gaelic.
A man with many loves,
And Ireland remained one.

I remember when Grandad would visit home,
And he would share stories of their travels.
He was so kind-hearted, and so accepting.
His mother's light shone on him.

Years pass us too quickly.
Thank you for being a great father to my father and his siblings, and the wives and husband they love too.
Thank you for giving Granny such a wonderful journey in this life. May her voice still linger in your ears.
And thank you for being our Grandad. Our days with you will never be forgotten.

***

Paint me a picture;
Our souls aligned for just a moment.
The midnight sky, heavy with ***** of fire:
Just as your eyes.

We were the grey,
In a world of black and white.
A picturesque sea;
The history beneath.

Tell me a story:
A flame that burned within.
Two people standing,
One foot apart.

Side by side,
In a world of mystery.
Individuals as we’re standing,
But one in ecstasy.

Put them together,
Place your palm in mine.
Stand with me atop the highest heights.
Beam from within.

We are forever,
In consciousness, in unison.
Though we are apart.
We will meet again in Arcadia.

Ten, nine-eight, seven,
Six-five, four,
Three-two, one.
Hopscotch.
No one questioned.
No one laughed or pouted.
The rain washed away the colours,
And we started again tomorrow.

Seven thirty,
Seven thirty,
Seven thirty,
Seven thirty,
And so on.
We need answers.
We need reasons.
We are stuck in our tomorrows.
Our present fades out fast.

We are locked up in our timers;
Slaves to our master mints.
Our souls are dying,
With nowhere to hide
And no one to seek them.
Time does not stand still.

The chalk was our past time,
The clock is our taker,
And we play ourselves.

Is this where it ends?
The pouring of words,
The same as the rain against the window.
Moisture to the grass.
Safely unlatching the gate,
The horses huff in the darkness.
The sky so bare,
But it reminds me of someone else;
Beneath his chin, beneath our dreams.
Is this where we have come?
To my insincerities,
To my lies, disguised as truths.
Half-truths, we will say.
Your arms an honour:
Your doors are opening,
Finally,
But I am locked behind my own.
Is this where the road ends?
Cooped up for too long,
The light has escaped our space;
Casting shade in your eyes
And doubt on me.
With the road that lay ahead, breaking slowly,
Crumbling in slow motion:
So loudly, so harshly.
Is this where we end?
Individual thoughts on the unknown:
Opinions and perspective
The world went upside down when you spoke,
Tossing me off my feet,
The red of my hair the last thing I recall.
An inner voice spoke then:
The clucks and the chatters faded.
Until it all became void.
But this is not the first time,
This will not be the last.
Although, it is the end:
To the vanilla latte air,
To the inconvenience.
The pins on the map are all mine now,
The administration is yours.
I have no more debt,
And the circles never combined anyway.
The sun sets while we look away,
As always,
And then we drift off:
Into the abyss, into our own worlds,
Into individuality.
Until we find our voices,
And start again.

It’s not a secret.
It’s not a superpower.
I will be yours forever.
Falling -

Gently, you whisper.
Dust particles surf the light.
The blue of your eyes;
Oceans.

I felt it only once.
Hip to hip,
One seat for us both:
Sharing.

He can make you marvellous.
He can make you real.
I know because I am,
Now.

The day of love;
The tan and the silk.
I believed you then;
Once.

The person I was is not who I know.
You were always a mystery.
There was no room for me:
Ego.

He asked me once
Why I was around:
These years were mine to hold,
Individually.

A silver van for a golden man.
Two years boxed in.
One too many lies:
Excuses.

Temporary and insignificant:
It all came with the package.
All out of view of the shot,
Hidden.

Did you learn what it was to be a man?
It hit me in the moment,
And, again, since.
Twice.

Respect and sincerity,
Trust and commitment.
Appearance in forms:
Clean.

It applies to us both.
Our souls did not dance.
The sun did not shine,
Often.

The smog skewed my view.
I was an imposter.
I said too much at once:
Insecure.

Sitting there, silent,
I soaked it in.
Few words were spoken but I was released:
Free.

Once, we thought about meadows;
Brushing hands so gently above the tips of the grass.
One might have been offended by the trespass.
Then again, they did not know.

And once we thought about the future:
The stream of light echoing through the cracks.
We did not think of obstacles,
Or circuits, at all.

Too early the years came.
When that excitement became fright.
Those lights dimmed down, low.
The obstacles became barriers.

And at once it rushed through me.
I have to kneel to see it the same way.
We are unable to stand still.
The cracks were closed in.

I stand here today:
The mayor of this broken town;
The president you needed;
The one to lead us home.

Except today, you sit.
You do not feel joyous.
You do not believe.
You have fallen, clutching for dear life.

Tomorrow, I think, will be more.
Lustrous I am, at the thought:
Of my own words;
Of my own promises.

Give to you what I plan for me,
Giving back what I did not take.
Tomorrow, you will have more than today,
You will have more than you could ever dream.

Realism was never my strong point.
I stand here full of dreams.
I stand here with less than you need.
But I stand here.

Because yesterday was the worst of all.
Yesterday broke us.
Yesterday took a piece of us with it,
Took more than we can replace.

You sit quietly, teasing the words from my mouth.
It is you I stand here for.
Your soulless eyes waiting,
For me, for more.

I'm done, take the bag from my back.
Take the coat from my shoulders and let me fall.
All of my insecurities, all of my dreams,
Have lead me here.

Where are you in my coldest hours?
In the moments I stand still.
Broken by the shards of life that blew up in your face,
Not the ones that fell from mine.

I take each step I can, facing forward;
Etching onward, slowly and oblivious.
But you coax me to you,
You bring me back to you.

Letting go of the belief,
Of the intent I stacked up in your favour.
Letting go of it was the hardest thing,
So I couldn't do it. I never did.

Sitting in that booth, face to face:
Colours flickered, the world glitched.
Those shards of me, the broken pieces,
They trembled softly.

Each one lifted by the desire,
Troubled by the change.
I tried to collect them up,
I wanted to, more than anything.

Instead I left them there,
I did not break them further,
And I pulled myself back to reality.
Out of stillness.

And though the shards remain,
They have been smoothed at the edges.
They are not sharp to touch,
But they will never fit again.

Hold on to your dreams, my darling.
I know things have not been as you imagined.
Think of tables overturning,
Steel-topped boots stomping.
Think of feathers flowing in the draught,
The whispers, circulating the halls.
Think of home,
And the answers you found.

Hold on to the joy, my love.
That fell on your shoulders,
Just as your hair, those beautiful curls,
And that red dress,
Flowing to your knees.
Think of that smile and every other that followed.

Hold on to the hope you had, my dear.
You held on for so long already.
Think about the days that are coming,
The sunrises at dawn,
The sunsets at dusk.
Think of the pavements you have yet to set foot upon,
And the eyes you have yet to meet.

Hold on to the person you were, my heart.
The person you now need most.
Think of the fear that shook your breathe,
The frost that froze your toes,
And the tears that fell from those blue, blue eyes.
Think of the promises you swore in secrecy,
Those weighted words,
Those truths.

Hold on to the faith you keep deep down, sweetheart.
It will get you through the darkest hours.
Think of the lights that have been extinguished,
The ashes that have been poured back to the Earth.
Think of the love that you aim up to the sky,
The unrequited warmth you send to the world,
Think about moving forward.
Think about how far you've moved since.

Hold on to the words you heard before,
The ones that still bounce around within.
Think about the essence of their details,
The lips they fell out of,
The way they made you feel.
Think about those words when you're moving,
Build a home for them within,
Visit from time to time.

And hold on to all the reasons why.
Hold on as tight as you can.
Keep them locked up in your fortress,
Away from the world outside.

Talk to me, in sweet melodies,
In a language my heart will understand.
Sweep me up into arms of strength,
And drop me gently, so I stand.

Take me into your glorious heat,
Introduce a world of painted teal.
Direct me to a path into the light.
Show me something real.

Capture the blue that's taken residence,
And release it back into the distance of the skies.
Hold me under blanketing stars, and the moon.
Promise me, deeply, into my eyes.

And hold on to that promise.
Remain honest, to yourself, and to me.
Then you can leave me safely, unaltered,
And we'll both be free.

If, day by day, your smell fades
And the distance between us grows
Larger and larger:
At least then I'll accept you've left me.

And if, with each minute, the sound of your voice
Stops echoing in my ears;
Your ego and it's reflection, pouring upon my world:
At least I will regain the ability to see.

If each moment of our relationship
Slips away, from beauty and truth,
To the lies that I now know:
At least it will be over for real.

And if with each day I stop loving you;
I stop yearning your hands, your arms and shadow,
Syncing with mine, in the light:
And least then I will truly feel.

I'm writing to you on the eve of glory
To tell you I had no choice but to let you go.
Your veins were poisoned by the act of savagery,
And you became a person I could never wish to know.

Your emerald eyes were all lit up,
Just like the cigarette that once calmed your stress.
Your hair was tied back by one single clip:
Messy, vintage-like, just as your dress.

I recall the first words you ever spoke to me:
They included, of course, Prince Charming's name.
And since you awoke one morning and stepped into reality,
You just simply have not been the same.

What was it that spiked you?
What broke inside your pure heart?
Was it there all along, just looming in the background?
Or have I been naive from the very start?

I based my dreams on the world that you had.
You were my motive to remain strong:
To hold on hoping that one day I could have it too.
Even a piece of me broke, when you proved yourself wrong.

And days have passed since I last thought of you.
Weeks too, since we've seen eye-to-eye.
Your heart turned cold and your mind went dark..
I just want to know why?

So Lady Cheyenne, if you're reading this, I ask you
To find yourself a mirror, and dare to look through:
Take a look at the person who is staring within the silver,
And I want you to acknowledge that she is not you.

This time, when I say it,
I want you to know it will not just be for attention.
The world has finally shut its doors,
And I stand outside, alone in the darkness, yearning for affection.

The gatekeepers snarl and snigger each time I get close,
And my mind races, it's roaring above my heart.
Instead of attempting to regain entry, it spits out hatred,
And pulls itself apart..

"I can do this on my own", it speaks out,
"Who needs love, care.... hope?"
"I don't need your pity, your crummy hands to hold me.
I can do this, I don't need anyone .. I can cope!"

And when my minds' voice bounces into the airy silence,
My heart grabs an opportunity to say:
"Hear me instead of these lies that my mind's feeding!
I've never truly wanted to be out here all alone.. I want to go home where loving arms take the darkness away.."

Can I keep you in my pocket,
And bring you around everywhere I go?

I have a wonderful little idea for you and me,
Do you want to know?

We meet eyes across a dark world,
And we cause an explosion of light.

Our bodies shiver, that warming, joyful kind,
And the feeling rushes from our hearts, just like a plight.

Our hands fit together perfectly,
And we kiss like Eskimos in their igloos.

We can build up a small house on a hilltop,
With a glass ceiling, if you choose?

I know how much you love the night sky,
And you know I love it too.

I would lay there with you always,
As the skies turn from blue to black, and black to blue.

On our hilltop, we'd be surrounded by green grass,
And flowers would grow between each blade.

There would be a tall tree overhanging our small house,
And, on hot days, we would sit under it for some shade.

I'd make you laugh just to see that amazing smile,
And your eyes would twinkle brighter than the moon.

You'd pull me closer and let me stand on your toes,
As we both danced to our favourite tune.

You'd whisper words no one has ever told me,
Three words that mean so much more.

And you'd wonder as we get lost in each other's eyes,
If our hearts had once known each other before..

If I keep you in my pocket,
My dreams may one day come true.

You'll meet my eyes across the dark world
And then I can live happily, in the light, with you.

Just for a single moment,
Can you pull away from that glass,
Look me in the eye and tell me,
That this time is the last?

Stay there for a minute,
I have just one thing left to say.
You're significance in my life,
Has meant something to me until today.

Please wait for me, will you?
I have to put on my coat.
You're leaving me behind,
And a lump is forming in my throat.

Resurface from your dark cave,
And come out to meet my eye.
If I no longer mean a thing to you,
Then have the decency to say goodbye!

I know you're hurting in your own way,
But I'm only the enemy in your mind.
I'd sooner be the one to make you happy again,
Instead of being here, left behind.

I'm being honest, despite my sharp words.
Maybe someone needs to tell you the truth:
You're so consumed by yourself that you don't see
This is not all just about you!

Outside your cave is a big, bright world,
And I'm standing here, waiting on you, on my own.
I would attempt to approach your stony structure,
But it doesn't feel much like home.

Could you just open up for a second,
I promise you I mean you no danger.
Or are you afraid of meeting my old eyes,
In case you just see another stranger?

She cleared her throat and told me,
What she thought you must now know.
Her voice was silenced, but her mind was still running,
And she's fearful that it may soon blow.

She chased down every government body,
She travelled the world and witnessed pain.
She caused a ruckus in a crowded place,
And then got thrown outside in the rain.

She asked me "who do we talk to, if not our superiors?
Who can help us, if not them?"
She found the answers, now she wants you to hear.
She said "here goes nothing, ahem.."

"No one can help us. No ones out there,
We're simply just stuck inside.
We can stand up and speak out, if you want to,
Or we can just keep silent and hide."

"This does not change with time," she continued,
"We must face our fears at some stage."
She hid away for so long now,
She has just filled herself up with rage.

She said she spoke to you for a long time,
And, instead of helping, you just sat still and observed.
She appreciated the attention you gave her,
But she thinks that's a little less than she deserved.

She needed your help, and you know that,
And now her rage is directed toward you.
She can't pretend she's not disappointed,
Because you were the one person she's ever known to be true.

Your heart was warm and loving,
Your exterior conveyed it well.
You're probably still the same person you were then,
But, for some reason, she can no longer tell.

And when the skies displayed it's colours,
And the air held so many voices,
She looked at her surroundings,
And she was fooled, just as others are, to think she had many choices.

She had none, she was trying to tell you!
She had no idea how to fix the world.
She tried her best and she wants you to know that,
But she's just one little girl.

For that reason, she completely gave up on hope,
And, all around her, the whole world turned grey.
From the outside, it was easier to see though,
The world looked different on display.

She said the world is crumbling all around us,
And she doesn't understand why no one gives a ****.
She has wondered ever since she found the answer,
If you've known all along, and that's how you're so calm?

She sees the world in a completely new light now.
No blend of colours stretch across her skies.
The air is silent, the voices have left her.
But she suddenly remembers the colour of your eyes.

She recalls the hazel she once got lost in,
And all of those days in the Autumn air.
She doesn't know how she lost contact of them,
But she constantly wishes she could go back there.

And she has been frantic when she talks about
The reason she left you behind,
She was a dreamer, who was foolish
To think there was so many better things out there to find.

Because all she found were contradictions.
The world is just a massive kingdom of pain.
It broke her heart when she tried to fix it,
And now she's left with heartache she cannot contain.

The answer was sorer than the lies we are taught.
The grey and the silence have left her cold.
She sees no point in going ahead now.
I'm just telling you what I was told.

You gave her strength when she was weak.
You gave her reasons to dream.
You made her innately happy.
You fixed her fabrics when they tore at the seam.

You taught her love in a damaged world.
You picked her up when she fell down.
You are the person who made her who she is.
Now all that's missing is her crown.

She has sat you on the top of the world.
She looks up to you on your height.
You were the reason she got out of bed in the morning,
And the last thing she thought about at night.

The beautiful butterflies that once danced inside her belly,
Have become moths, eating away at the fabrics of her soul.
She wanted so much to hold on to you forever,
But then the springtime came, and the world took back control.

Will you bring the colour back into her world,
And show her proof that she is wrong?
The world may try to defeat us, but we are our only superiors!
And you have known it all along.

And when the day did come..
You were yet another in the crowd.
Your hair loose, your posture tilted
Against the warm air around.
We did not speak at once,
For your name was only one to guess.
Your voice soft to my ears
Your face as bright as day.

And when the day did come..
Your eyes were faded, blue.
Your giggles would never run out.
And your words just came out even.
Your actions were ones to love.
The time well spent, all mine.
Pictures for my books.
Letters from another self.

And when the day did come..
That a man took hold of your hand:
And pulled you away to a place,
Where I became no one to -.
Your face had fallen down,
Your eyes kept closing, slow.
No words came from your mouth.
And we were just no more.

And when the day did come..
When I felt a deep, hard loss.
The pain came down above,
My cheeks with warm, wet salt.
Your face, clear in my mind,
And name, choked in my throat.
Nothing left inside..
You took the whole **** lot!

And when the day did come..
When I caught you looking at.
Heart; pounding in my chest,
And breathing all too fast.
No words came from my mouth,
Or movements from my hands.
My feet did all I could.
Acceptance was the need.

"How do you know it's the end?"
She asks me through her tears.
It draws me back into the darkness,
Where I was faced blindly with my fears.
The scratching of heads;
The whimpers of voices;
The constant inconvenience;
And hobston's choices.

What kept me in that consistent loop?
Was it really comfort?
And what made me oblivious to your warped mind,
That did not value me or my effort?
The hatred, oh it's real!
But my heart somehow still broke.
You took with you more than our lifetime,
When you opened your mouth and spoke.

A new path was constructed.
And our moments slipped away.
Your absence became less obvious,
With the passing of every day.
But within me, past all my minds thoughts,
There is a feeling hidden deep down inside.
It dents my negativity and forgives all my regrets,
And it's the single reason I cried.

Because inside you, I seen potential,
For you to be loving, kind and true.
A man who could put others before himself,
My life partner, who would help me through.
And the darkness created that image.
Without light, I was blind.
I could not see your true colours,
Or the mask you hid behind.

Sometimes you allowed the light in,
And your beauty was something real.
You were more than that potential man,
And no hatred did I feel.

We had a future, though you did not believe it.
But that faded away with you.
I think it was all just for the better,
As your last words were the most true.

And now I'm standing before my reflection,
Asking myself how you know it's the end, for real?
And the answer is simple when you look at your surrounding,
Only to find, silence is all you really feel..

You may want to ease up on the sugar there,
You know it's the reason you gained weight.
And look aside from the darkness, would you?
I think it has discouraged your faith.
Why do you wake up each morning,
And allow your mood to create your day?
You know if you truly wanted to be happy,
Your bad mood would stay away.
Why don't you change the way you dress,
It may raise your self-esteem.
Move your bed out of that dark corner of your room,
And then, I think, tonight you may actually dream.
Ditch the people who bring you down,
You know exactly who they are.
And while you're at it, it may just help,
If you also let go of her.

Was there a time when you believed in her,
And thought she was the one?
Because I can't seem to understand the fact
That, now, you are alone.
You both still laugh at each other's jokes,
And live your lives side by side.
But she has a new life, away from yours now,
She has left your relationship behind.
Did the things she did cause you to build up a wall,
That you intended to hold up against the world?
Or is that iron suit of yours
Protection against one single girl?

I thought I broke down that wall of yours,
To get a good glimpse inside.
But instead you just showed me where the cracks were forming,
And hid yourself away again after a while.
I can't help but wonder what it is that scares you
Away from the intentions of my pursuit?
But more importantly, I'm curious to know,
What caused those cracks in your iron suit?

One morning you awoke and your heart just changed.
You no longer felt the same.
You wanted to tell her the truth of the matter,
But it was years before those words finally came.
A pessimistic cloud formed itself above you,
And since it has followed you around.
How could it be that you feel nothing at all,
While inside I can feel my stony heart pound?

She should have held on tighter, and fought for you harder,
No matter how much you believed it was the end.
Because something inside me is convinced you are hurting
From all the things you thought you could not mend.
Surely there must have been something left,
If you held on for so long.
Comparing you now to who you were then,
I'm curious to know what went wrong.

Did she tell you too many lies?
Or could you just not handle the truth?
Was it anything to do with her at all?
Or was it simply all just about you?
It kills me to know that she got behind that wall,
She seen more than just the flesh beneath the cracks.
And still she let go and moved on with her life,
With no intentions to ever look back.

And with that thought I think I found the answer.
I finally understand the truth.
She is the reason you let the world slip away.
She caused the cracks in your iron suit.

I think the writing on the wall explains it well;
The story of my life.
Words of laughter, learning and development.
But nothing of the strife.
Some things are not worth dwelling upon,
It's better we just forget.
This story is worth remembering though,
So I want you to know how it was set.

There are four others, besides myself,
In our little childhood crowd.
Even though one left early,
To rest upon a cloud.
We grew up as others did,
Making mud-pies in the yard.
And if any of us felt any way unsafe,
We were each other's guard.

We all have our different versions of things,
Our perspectives from our own side.
And when it all fades away,
We must take it in our stride.
Our days are moving forward,
Our childhoods are slipping away.
But in case we begin to lose them forever,
I want to collect them all today.

I couldn't imagine forgetting the mud-pies,
Or seeing Prince somersault in the wind.
Or the way ye all looked,
As ye happily, posed and grinned.
On rare occasions I remember details,
That meant little to us then.
Like our bad taste of fashion,
And the ways we used to hold a pen.

Oh and we can't forget the nicknames,
That reflected who we are.
Or the times we all spent in the garden:
The setting for Our Star.
We can't forget our old bedroom,
The place we learned to share.
Nor can we ever forget the feeling,
Of having each other there.

What prompted this, is a single photograph,
I found inside a book.
Astounded I was to find it there,
And see how young we looked.
All four of us are gathered in a group,
Posing for the camera shot.
We look the picture of perfection,
Even Prince got caught.

The weather was still and warm,
We sat lovingly, dressed in our casual wear.
Little did I know it at the time,
But my utopia in life, is there.

You were angry when you turned on your heel.
The fight was over and you were walking away.
It was just then she called out for you to "wait!",
One single thing you never expected she'd say.
You dare not face her,
Just in case she sees,
The tears that are swelling in your eyes,
And the shake that possesses your knees.
She opens up and she admits
How your last words cut her deep.
She thinks of how you want no more than friendship,
Each night while she cannot sleep.
She apologises repeatedly,
The words pour straight out from her heart.
She regrets the way that she left you,
And wishes ye had not grown apart.
Anger fills up fast inside you,
And makes it's way right to your mouth.
You ask her why she won't just let go.
She's taken aback by your shout.
Then, just as a child would,
She mumbles when she says:
It was fear that made her leave you,
And she'll regret it for the rest of her days.
You find this preposterous!
Why on Earth would she be scared?
"When" and "why" you then ask her,
And that's when she confesses she cared.
She wanted more than what you were to her.
She was searching for a soul mate,
Who would stand by her forever,
And face with her, her fate.
Your face changes when she says how
It was not a mutual thought.
You wanted nothing that she did,
And this hurt a lot.
So she explains how she left you,
Just before it was too late,
And adds that she is sorry
She has made such a state.
You are reluctant to believe her;
For how could her words be true?
She fell right into another's arms,
The second she left you!
And you speak of this disbelief,
You display all the anger you feel.
You empty your heart of it's agony,
As it's a wound you can no longer seal.
It's then she tells you she was foolish,
She believed these were feelings she could grow.
But this was a void that could not be filled by just anyone,
And there's something you must know.
As ye lock eyes for a single moment,
You cannot believe the words she has just said.
"I was wrong" she admits into the silence..
Or was that all just in your head?

What must it feel like to fall out of love?
To wake up one morning and no longer feel?
I imagine it feels empty, to be right back at the start.
To drop out of dreamland and come back to what's real.

But then I think it would be a relief,
To just have your own to protect.
So when you're concentrating on yourself,
There's no one left to neglect.

But then what about the reminders,
Of the times ye had spent?
Are you left unaffected?
Or do you begin to resent?

Do you feel absence in your heart?
Or do you just leave it all in the past?
Are you glad that it's over?
Or did you wish it would last?

Can you look into your lover's eyes,
And tell them the truth:
That you lied when you told them;
"It's about me, not you."

What must it feel to be callous,
Walking away so easily from love,
Taking off as quick as the wind does ,
As soon as push came to shove?

What must it feel to have fallen,
Out of a love that was so true?
Not even in my strongest moment could I do it..
So what must it feel like to be you?

Down came the first drops of rain, before the storm.
And just like that, in two words, came the end.
The end to a work-in-progress; to a commitment;
To a lover; to a most treasured friend.

Down came the tower I built up to keep me safe.
Closed became the arms that kept me warm.
Cold came the air that froze my soul.
Gone, was my home.

Out stood the ocean's beauty.
And clear became the skies.
Drowned behind the tears,
Disappeared; your eyes.

My legs took off running,
Tripping with the fear.
You awaited a response from my lips,
But my words just weren't there.

For a moment, I was absent.
Smiling, within a dream.
We were holding hands in the sunshine,
And we were on the same team.

But then the storm poured down upon us,
And I turned to see your face.
I know what those words did to you,
I can almost feel your heart race.

I know I'm supposed to feel pain.
I'm supposed to feel sorrow.
But instead, I just feel numb.
Thinking only about tomorrow.

What am I going to do on my own?
And who will I tell my stories to?
Will I be okay out there by myself?
..And then I think of you.

Will you remember me, the way you last described,
With a deep unwelcoming hatred for you?
The person who ****** the joy out of life,
Who no longer laughed, who was always blue?

Will you wake up one morning,
And regret everyday of our one year?
Or will you just move on without me,
And pretend I was never there?

I run, and I run, as fast as my legs can move,
Chasing a single moment, circling the same mile.
And just as I see you in the distance,
You vanish with your smile.

I know how hard those words were for you.
And I know they broke your heart.
There was a lot I did want to say,
But inside, I just fell apart.

We are not made of glass,
So we simple cannot be broken.
At least, that's what I was once told.
I now question is he understood the words he had spoken.

Because the rock that is my heart,
Shattered as if it were,
To the thought of being that monster you described.
I never wanted to be her.

So I say goodbye to my most treasured person,
And hello to the loneliness and pain,
That I'm surrounded by in the darkness,
As I sit alone in the rain.

He recalls one particular night,
When a phantom slithered into his infant dream,
And he awoke, alone, in a clouded darkness,
Broken only by a single hall-light beam.

With tears pouring from his little eyes,
He slipped out of bed and found his feet on the cold floor.
He made his way toward the source of the light,
Until he stood before his parents, at their bedroom door.

His mother picked him up into her loving arms,
And ran her fingers through his hair, like a comb.
As he slipped away soundly back to sleep,
She couldn't imagine her little boy ever leaving home.

In the school yard, at only ten years of ages,
He spotted his little brother
Assessing the blood drops that were falling to his feet,
And the bullies pointed and laughed with one another.

He ran as fast as he could to reach him,
With his arms widely outstretched,
Crying out his name in panic,
Until their eyes eventually met.

He set out to protect his brother through out his life,
Though, with him, he always felt alone.
I guess his brother may have taken him for granted,
As he thought he would never leave home.

In his teenage years, he met a girl,
With eyes the same colour as the oceans deep.
Her voice still echoes in the silence,
And her eyes still meet his in his sleep.

He remembers her face the day she left him.
How she told him she found his heart of gold,
But all she could see when she looked into his eyes,
Was that his life was already sold.

Although he couldn't bear the thought of losing her,
Somewhere inside he understood why she had gone.
But he loved her enough to hold onto her forever,
Even long after he had left home.

At the age of eighteen, it was time to move out.
He found himself a job, to get some money flowing.
He bought a small apartment in the centre of town.
And found a few new friends to keep himself going.

Though he did miss home, he was an adult now,
And he wished to be the best man he could be.
He kept in touch with his family and friends,
But he began to feel he could not live normally.

One night he was out with his closest friend,
When, in an instant, the place they had went to was mobbed.
And despite his attempts to protect him from the attackers,
Before his eyes, his best friend's life was robbed.

He watched as they lay his body to rest,
Into the darkness, beneath the frost.
All the light inside of him went out,
And in the darkness he got lost.

He forgot the warmth of his mother's arms.
And could no longer picture his best friend's face.
He lost his job, and went into debt,
And felt he no longer had a place.

It was then he decided to join the force,
And live the rest of his life behind a gun.
All he wanted was to be a good man,
And make up for all the harm he had ever done.

It was only in the darkness he realised,
The phantom still lingered within his soul.
It ****** out all the light he ever had in him,
And left his heart as black as coal.

He now dreams of that phantom every night,
And awakens suddenly in a cold sweat.
He steps off his bunker onto the cold floor,
And is reminded of a night he can never forget.

The night when the phantom first slithered into his infant dream,
And he was lifted into his mother's arms, out of the cold.
He remembers her soothing voice, and her fingers through his hair.
But most of all he misses her solid heart of gold.

It's then he thinks about the love of his life,
And how she had once loved his heart of gold.
And it's only then, as he takes a look around him,
He realised what she meant when she said his life was sold.

He sees now, he made a big mistake,
When he stepped into the darkness away from the light.
He could not protect his brother from the bullies,
And he lost his best friend to an attacker in that fight.

Were brought to question why he let the phantom take over,
And lead him into a life out in the unknown.
What was it that was so attractive in the darkness
That ever made him want to leave home?

She keeps the remnants of your relationship in a box,
Which is left hidden away, under her bed, on the floor.
She used to take it out and look at its contents in nostalgia..
But not any more.

There's just something about your last moments that stop her.
Her love for you suddenly turns into hate.
All the plans she set out for the future vanish,
And she's left to believe loneliness is her fate.

She remembers how she met you in the Autumn,
When the leaves were turning from green.
And the way your eyes lit up against the orange backdrop;
It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen..

She told me how she felt about you:
How you took a hold on her soul,
And how she left you alone in springtime,
When the world took back control.

She told me how dark the sun shone upon her,
And how she found herself lost in another.
How she avoided the overwhelming thought of losing you,
In fear that she would smother.

I knew not of her battles,
Until she made them quite clear.
She regretted ever leaving your loving arms,
So she never wanted you near.

She told me that I could never understand her.
I could never truly know why.
Because of the 13 layers of irony,
She hides deep down inside.

The darkness took over,
Once she lost site of your eyes.
Cause, although she doesn't know when it happened,
She remembers you saying your goodbyes.

You were the wind to her wind chimes.
The sea to her shore.
You were the roof to her four walls.
To her heart, you were the door.

She told me how she used to wake up every morning,
And she felt a happiness deep within.
How automatically a smile would appear on her face,
Even before her day would begin.

She described the many colours the skies took.
And how she loved the feel of the atmosphere with so many voices.
She said she felt she had a place in the world.
And she had made many good choices.

She said you showed her that she was capable of loving,
And that you proved the rest of the world was wrong.
She said you were the rock that kept her solid.
You were the strength that kept her strong.

She told me how she poured her heart out to you..
How she missed you a little more each day.
How she's wasted so much time away from you.
And if she could go back, she'd tell herself to stay.

She told me she was heartless,
That's what the whole world thought.
But, out of everyone that could have told her otherwise,
It was you who told her she was not.

She told me she had no secrets:
Yet no one knew how she felt about you.
She said she never told any lies;
But when anyone asked, she said the feelings weren't true.

She told me if she could go back,
She wouldn't remake the same mistake.
But no matter what chances she has got,
Second best is all she would take.

She fought to fix a broken world,
And no one ever asked her why.
She told me nothing broken can ever truly be mended,
But there would be no harm to try.

She said no one ever asked her what her motives were,
Because they never heeded a word she said.
So she needed to get out there and take action,
As there was no use staying in bed.

She never expected me to say what I said next,
She analysed the words I had spoken.
Her face, so beautiful, dropped suddenly then,
As I told her we are all broken.

I said I wake up in the middle of the night,
Tears streaming down my face.
Awakening from a dream I had just had,
Of a better, brighter place.

I told her she may believe she's happy now,
But I can tell even from a single thought,
It's obvious inside she's far from it,
In comparison to the happiness you brought.

She told me it was too late to fix things,
That you both had already said your goodbyes,
That you faded with the seasons since she left you,
And now she can't remember the colour of your eyes.

She said the silence has not been altered by her wind chimes,
As no wind has blown since you've been gone.
She said she felt uncomfortable in the quiet,
Without you there, everything felt wrong.

She told me that the sea parted from the shoreline,
And left behind nothing but drought.
The roof detached from her four walls,
And the flame inside went out.

She said the moment she opens the lid from the box,
That she hides away on the floor, under her bed,
Every memory she has of you comes flooding back to her,
And she mourns for you as if you're dead.

She said she hates you because that's all she can do now.
It hurts too much to continue to love you.
And she's stopped by your last moments together,
Because it was those moments that made it so true.

She found love for you in the Winter.
And brought it with her through every other season.
I asked her why she has never told you how she really feels,
But she wouldn't give me a proper reason.

Instead she denied her feelings,
And told me what she tells just anyone,
Callously, detached she pretends;
"It's too late now. You're long gone."

She said you put a wall up in defence,
And she understands perfectly why.
She thinks its best to move on and live her life without you.
A part of her has already said goodbye.

She didn't know just how beautiful she was.
It was a shame her words weren't truly heard.
She gave her all to a fight she knew she would never win,
Until her voice was silenced by the world..

The one I know, but never knew, that went away all too soon.
Up to join old Orion, and to sit alongside the moon.
The five days they got with you, so many things unsaid.
Time I got not to spend with you, though footsteps that you led.
The one week, your two eyes, the three days and four,
The fives days, your whole life. The breath in you, 'till it was no more.

One; like the date of the day that you were born.
One; like the week they received before they had to mourn.
One, the first of summer, the sun that shone so dark.
One, like the sound of nature all around. Trees with the early bark.
One hundred and fifty five minutes distance from here to there.
One, like the feeling so deep, the one I live to bare.
One; the smile, I'll never quite get to see.
One; the person, you'll never really be.
One single hug that I'll never get to feel.
This little talk that I share with you whilst I kneel.
One simple blink before you were to leave me be.
But every single day since, from Heaven you were to guide me.

Two were the little shoes, you never got to wear.
Two perfect angel eyes they were lucky to get to share.
Two tiny hands you had, that they never got to hold.
Two, like the normal second day, within the story that's told.
Two tiny heart beats before you were to leave me be.
But every single day since, from Heaven you were to guide me.

Three were your names, never added to.
Three, like my position, next child down from you.
Three like the third day you joined the Christian church.
Three days that came, to leave their lives besmirched.
Four, the next to follow, awaiting the final day.
Four fifths of your life, near to the whole way.
The third or fourth thought upon you, before you were to leave me be.
But every single day since, from Heaven you were to guide me.

Five days seems small to be a whole life time.
But the days after yours were ones only left to mime.
Five days to teach a shadow not yet born to take the trail.
The disrupted peace of Cliffoney, on this road I stride alone to wail.
I try to reach you, but you're too far above.
No way to let you feel my deeper, inner love.
For Ben Bulben is the highest I have ever really got.
My tears the Trawalua waves had reached out and caught.

A rhythm of words, too short to tell it all.
This holy gesture, act of God that took you there, leaves only my childlike call.
A call that seizes every heart rendering beat,
And helps me to feel your presence above from beneath.
No matter where I go in life, any place I will be,
I know you'll give me directions, hope and always make me happy.
You're my home I know so well. A sense of place so sure.
I know I only have to look up, when I feel you're here no more.
For you give me position, in a place I don't know, or perhaps do.
Lost is something, I found myself, when I found, I had lost you.
The one week, your two eyes, the three days and four,
The fives days, your whole life, the breath in you, 'till it was no more.

You had a real bad day,
The first of many that would follow.
You were made redundant from your job,
And had no idea how you would get through tomorrow.
Your boss was an arrogant bully,
Who gave you less credit than you earned.
And when you told your fellow colleagues,
Not a single one of them was concerned.

You came home to an unstable household,
With an absentee husband there,
Who would control your every move,
But pull away when you got near.
He drank more than recommended,
And stayed out late with God knows who.
At times you thought he was being unfaithful,
But then you assured yourself that he chose you.

You got up early every morning,
To prepare your little boy for his day.
You'd put on a brave face in front of him,
Pretending to be okay.
You thought he would think you were weak,
If he seen his Mummy cry.
But I think you taught him a lesson,
When you opened up and let him inside.

He didn't need to know all the details
About why your day was so bad.
He just needed to know that even adults,
Sometimes feel a little sad.
You squatted to his level,
And looked into his innocent eyes.
His little eyes set on yours,
As he asks you why his Mummy cries.

You know you can't ignore him,
This is something he needs to know.
You consider things for a moment,
Your job is gone, and your husband needs to go.
You sit down beside him, on the floor,
And look him in the face.
Your tears still stream down your soft cheeks,
As your little boy sinks into your embrace.

You just say you had a bad day,
That everyone has them in the world,
We all cry for our own reasons,
Every boy and every girl.
Your little boy pulled away after you said this,
And took a curious look around.
He stood up and got a tissue,
Then sat back down on the ground.

On handing you the tissue,
He gave you a little smile.
That smile that shows you you've been victorious,
Through all your defeats, all the while.
It was in that moment, you taught your child,
How to be a human: loving and true.
And it's because of that single moment,
That I'm acknowledging that it was you.

You're the one who taught him that lesson.
You're the person who showed him how painful reality can be.
So even though I'm just a stranger, having a bad day,
Your son still cares for me.
I don’t have the severity of problems, like you do,
As I’m younger by many years.
But your little boy remembers that we all cry for our own reasons,
As he hands me a tissue to dry my tears.

I remember putting on a show for you,
Hoping to make you laugh, from above.
I hoped you would never get bored of me,
And always be there to feel my love.

When we made mud pies in our pretend house,
I would imagine you lined up beside me,
Suggesting what other ingredients we could use,
From all the plants around us that you could see.

When Mum would take photographs,
I always felt your absence, wishing you were there,
And I always wanted you to know that,
So I would say it out loud for you to hear.

I always thought you could grant wishes.
Or somehow help me on my way.
I viewed you as some sort of super hero,
That was always waiting by to save the day.

Sometimes at night, before I went to sleep,
I would whisper you a prayer, and tell you about things.
Like about the day I had had that day,
Or what I hoped tomorrow brings.

I never felt a hint of loneliness,
No matter how much I was on my own,
Because I felt you by my side, at all times.
You were the best friend I had ever known.

You handed away your boots,
And gave me the spare key,
So I could find someone to give them to,
In the hope of making me happy.

I kept them safe, the best I could,
Ready to ****** them back at any time.
Because there's something a little unsettling,
About handing away something that isn't mine.

I made a promise to you, a very long time ago,
That you would always be my number one.
And I swear to keep that promise to you,
No matter who else ever comes along.

I haven't spoken to you in quite a while now,
And that's why I thought I'd jot you down a few lines.
Just to tell you, I still miss you dearly,
And that I think, despite everything, I'm doing just fine.

I'm, only now, building the foundation of my future.
Nothing is set in stone, as of yet.
I have my eyes on my many hopes and dreams.
But my childhood is something I'll never forget.

All that time, I only thought of myself.
I never thought of the hurt you must have felt in your heart.
To see us all down here, growing up together,
Knowing you will never get to take part.

That's why I would like you to know this now,
So you can keep it forever in your mind.
No matter how absent you were, in body,
None of us ever left you behind.

We celebrated all of your birthdays,
And introduced you to all the friends we made.
You were with us on every trip we took,
And thought about in everything we've ever said.

You're a piece of all of us,
That we keep wrapped up, safe, inside.
Some days it hits us harder than others.
Some days it's just too difficult to hide.

Today's just like any other day.
I'm not thinking of you any more or any less.
It's just that I've found the time to talk to you,
And there's something I must confess:

I miss those days when we made mud pies in our pretend house.
And I absolutely love all the photographs Mum took.
I miss having a best friend always watching my back,
And having a hero save the day. (I have awful luck!)

I'm very sorry I never considered your feelings,
And that I was so caught up in my own before.
I hope you found yourself a home in the Kingdom,
And you're not worrying about me anymore.

Some people consider me to be a negative person,
Because I'm less lively than I once used to be.
But I greatly object to that consideration,
As there's something inside, they'll just never see.

I see the bright side to everything,
And death is the last thing that I fear.
Because I love my life, and I hope there's a long road in front of me,
But if there's not, at least I'll get to join you up there.

I'm a little lonelier these days,
And I'm not particularly sure why.
I think perhaps it's because I'm just too busy each day,
To get a chance to look up to the sky.

For that reason, I want you to know I still think about the old days;
Us all there, making mud pies and playing outdoors.
That's how I'll choose to remember you, always.
Despite the fact that my eyes have never once met yours.

'Is forgiveness possible?' You ask.
Come here for a moment, and I’ll tell you what I think.
Look around and see it all from my eyes,
You might miss something if you blink.

You’re asking a society in isolation,
If they wish to revolutionise their peace,
By bringing up their ancestors from their graves,
Just so six counties can be released.

Can you hear yourself, and your foolish words?
Can you not see the same people I do?
What on Earth are you actually expecting to achieve,
When I’m not sure our ancestors even knew.

Isolation is a fairly heavy word.
It says more than any other.
But it’s true, look at them sitting there,
Texting, and ignoring each other!

That device they’re holding in their hands,
Connects them to a world far wider than Earth
All they care about are the people they know,
They consider their location to be nothing but dirt.

I live in this isolated time.
I feel loneliness while I sit amongst the crowd.
At times I feel the need to speak,
But then I fear my voice will be too loud.

Let them go, let them go their ways,
You’re the only one who cares anymore.
We once wanted unification, we once stood as brothers..
But that was all before.

It haunts me that innocents died for no worthy cause,
While laws passed under tyrant rule.
But you must accept that history is unchangeable,
And that the truth is, this world is cruel.

When I seen your question, I asked myself,
What on Earth is to be forgiven?
That was 100 years ago, a different time altogether
To the one that we’re now living!

You’re asking an anti-social society, who would protest that label,
To forgive people they didn’t, and will never, know.
From day one, 1916 has been a legend for us,
One we had to accept as reality. And let it go.

I think we’ve all gotten on in the present tense,
Despite our constant struggle to adapt to change.
There are dreamers amongst us, who think like the rebels did,
But in this society, they’re considered to be strange.

I’d say the majority would now oppose home rule.
As they can see our government stands for everything but respect,
With empty promises being made just to gain the necessary voting quota,
So they can make negative impacts to our lives and economy once they’re elected!

We’re all thankful for the seven members of the IRB Minister’s Council,
Who fought, and died, in the hope of our fate.
But I think Yeats was right making reference to beauty,
When he encapsulated our current state.

We have all found our ways through the darkness,
Without following in the footsteps of Plunkett’s eight-hour wife,
Who proved Plunkett and all his friend’s died in vein,
As she let the dark encase her for the rest of her life.

I hope my opinion is more than just my own,
And you may one day see it as yours too.
Because forgiveness is no longer necessary,
Now that, as you see, we’re surrounded by a generation anew.

We are united, even though it may not be as our ancestors hoped.
Forgiveness is possible, you should be asking if acceptance is, though.
Because if you took a look around, to see what I see,
You wouldn’t need me to answer you. Because you too, would let go.

When I first set eyes upon you,
It was my soul that reached out to say "hello".
Those blue eyes beat the ocean's beauty in an instant.
And you led the way to go.

You taught me about appreciation,
How, in this world, we must give and take.
I reconsidered how easily I forgot,
And forgave, every single mistake.

You brought me into your home,
And sat with me through the dark.
Together, we lit up candles,
And enlightened up a world, with just the smallest spark.

You showed me to the world,
Then showed the world to me.
I admit I was frightened at first,
But then I learned what it felt like to be free.

We were meant to be,
You and I.
It was written in stone.
It was written in the sky.

We were destined for each other,
We both had lessons to be learned:
You needed to learn how to love,
And I needed to learn how it felt to be burned.

Freedom is nonexistent,
In a world riddled with hate.
We all must learn how to be adaptive,
In a world controlled by fate.

A wind blew so heavy,
During another darkened night,
And extinguished all our candles,
And we sat again without light.

I used to think our hearts were like locks,
And out there, someone had the key.
So when you try to open a lock with the wrong one,
Your result is you and me.

I loved how easily I forgot,
And forgave, every single mistake.
And how everyone just knew I was grateful,
Without immediate give and take.

I loved how no chains could link us,
And how there were no dependencies.
Back when we were wanderers out there,
Still searching for our keys.

She opened up her mouth to speak:
To tell the world her thoughts.
Her words needed to be heard,
To the surface, the truth needed to be brought.

She wrote letters to the world,
That must have been swallowed into space.
And she scheduled meetings with world leaders,
So she could meet them face to face.

She quit her low paid job,
And pushed her course aside,
To delve into her research,
And travel round, world wide.

The skies took many colours,
And the air held many voices.
Her monsters never shut up.
She lost hope in her many choices.

She snapped each pencil in site,
And smashed each pen she owned.
She ripped up every sheet of paper.
And her research was disowned.

After stepping into the office,
Of each leader of the world.
To hear the same ******* laughter,
They all used toward a little girl.

Her heart cracked in a million places,
And tears swelled up behind her eyes.
She removed herself from their presence,
Without saying any goodbyes.

All she wanted was to fix the world.
She believed it could be done.
She constructed various methodologies,
To win a fight that needed to be won.

You supported her hand-in-hand.
You stood by her all the while.
At the times she lost her faith,
You were the one who brought back her smile.

She never needed a comic book hero.
She just needed to be strong.
And no matter what the rest of the world thought,
You helped her keep going all along.

Her beauty alone could break hearts,
And her words could mend souls.
Her touch could heal wounds,
And her voice could gain control.

No one knows what motivated her.
No one ever seemed to care.
I'm surprised you never asked her,
Since you were always there.

Her silence was impenetrable.
Her emotion unprovoked.
Until one day the world just hit her,
And her silence became revoked.

She was not as happy as everyone assumed,
And she required a helping hand,
To catch her when she fell down,
And to teach her how to stand.

She told you all her theories,
And she gained trust in you, like a friend.
How could you have been the reason,
She gave up on her dreams in the end?

All she needed was someone loving,
Who would always keep her strong.
To tell her that, no matter what the rest of the world thinks,
She could never, ever be wrong.

Oh, the sensitivity!
Bombs, guns, war... Even the mention of the likes has the world around her at unease.
How long has it been since youths began using these terms
Without a hint of caution?
Why should it all be taken so seriously now?

She awakens each morning with the same melancholy.
Nothing changes, nothing's new,
She accepts life as it is.
There's a chance we'll be hit tomorrow.
There is a war going on, after all.
But, though she arises in a world left unharmed,
She is in tension still.

She moves on swiftly through another gloomy day.
The sky takes many colours,
The air holds many voices.
Yet, still, she is oblivious.
Her silence: impenetrable.
No joke could arouse laughter.
No insult could provoke anger.
To remain silent is her answer.

But why? No one asks.
Her beauty alone could break hearts.
Her words could mend souls.
Her touch could heal wounds.
Her voice could silence the world.

But no one has asked.
No one has wondered.
Everyone believes she is independent,
She's happy in her isolation,
She is content to continue the life she is living.

But inside she is far from happy.
Her isolation, she believes, is best for everyone.
She depends on everyone to help her,
But knows they cannot help.
No one would understand.
For she has all the answers,
Her words would mend souls.
Her voice would silence the world.

Though the sky takes many colours,
And the air holds many voices,
All she sees are the monsters in her mind.
And all she hears are their murmurs crawling into her reality.
She can see who the real terrorists are.

The truth is; no soldiers, no artillery and no attack can compare
To the threat the monsters bring her.
This is real war.

And that's why she doesn't speak.
She knows no one would understand,
For this she is glad.
But.. No one would want to hear what she has to say.
No one would like her words.
Her voice would silence the world.

The silence is all that fills me.
But why do I mourn?
Why had I not taken the time
To get to know you before?
Is it that I thought of you unworthy
Of my company and my time?
Or that you and I were far too different,
You could never have been a friend of mine.

I guess that's how it is now.
That's how it will forever on be.
I will never get another chance to know you,
And you will never know me.
Word of your passing hit me,
And knocked me hard within.
I want to explain this feeling out loud,
But I don't know where to begin.

In my head I can hear the last words we shared,
And I can see the expression you had on.
I can feel that strange comfort I felt then,
As if it was where we belonged.
I never thought of your significance.
Though, that's quite difficult to say.
But the truth is, if you had not passed,
I wouldn't have even thought of you today.

That thought alone causes a burst of flames,
To rush right through me inside.
The single thought that I once had my chance,
But never even tried.
A hand bursts swiftly out of the flames,
And wraps it's fingers round my heart.
It clenches strongly, it's heat intense,
While I slowly fall apart.
My heart struggles, and panic kicks in.
I fear I will implode.
Then I think of you once again,
And the hand slowly lets go.

Who are you really? .. Who do I mourn?
Why are these feelings so strong?
I could have known you, I had my chance.
But I never cared, all along.

You were there, and I was here.
It always could have been.
But the world kept turning, and you fell down,
And that's all that has ever come between.

Now your loss has hit me so hard I cry,
On the inside and the out.
I'm so sorry I never took the chance while I had it,
To open up my mouth.

Sleep tightly now angel, in your new golden robes,
That I hope will forevermore glow.
Goodbye now to the person I thought I once knew;
The stranger, I'll never know.

Oh Darling, there are two sides to me.
There's the side that is strong, soft, courteous and loving,
And another side that I never want you to see.

It's not distinguished by internal and external.
It's not a split personality.
Inside, there are two voices,
Arguing, daily.

For description's sake, I'll name them both.
I'll call the side that you know, Bright.
And the side you don't, Dark.
You'll understand the name choice with a little more insight.

Inside me they're in constant battle.
They hijack my every thought.
They agree on most things, usually.
But, on this, they're caught.

Bright is the one to sit back,
And smile no matter how much she's in pain.
While Dark stands up and speaks out.
Most of what she does is all in vain.

Bright feels tears swell up, and a lump form in her throat.
Her hands begin to tremble, and she can feel her heart ache.
While Dark is gulping angrily, and is clenching her fists.
She is embarrassed of her weakness. She refuses to let her heart break.

Dark is considering her options.
She analyzes all she knows.
While Bright is putting on a brave face.
But her pain is so strong, it shows.

You wrap your arm around me,
And Dark starts to go off in a rant.
She says; “Bright, come on, you know better!”
Bright shakes her head and says; “I can't.”

Dark is so infuriated, she begins to tear herself apart.
She is reckless. She doesn't think. She just goes straight for her heart.

Bright tries to calm Dark with soothing words of care.
But it proves difficult to find any, when there aren't any there.

Dark lets out an evil laughter that bounces round inside.
Bright becomes so afraid she searches for a safe place to hide.

Your fingers drum gently on my rib cage,
And your image fills up my mind.
Bright steps out into the open,
With this incredible, golden find.

She says; “Dark he loves me. He's the one for me in life.”
Dark does not interrupt Bright, but instead just shakes her head.
“You're a foolish girl, Bright. Do you know that?”
From Bright, not another word is said.

“Bright, what has happened to you?
Can you not see him in that state?
How low have you let yourself fallen,
To allow yourself to love the thing you hate?”

No response comes from Bright now,
Dark can see she has become numb.
Nevertheless, she continues talking.
As your fingers continue to beat me like a drum.

The tensions swiftly rising as Dark continues on.
She tells Bright of all her stupid wishes, wants and dreams,
And how she has given up on all of them.
Dark is right, it seems.

The tears in Bright's eyes glisten,
And her heart is slowly beginning to drop.
She's become so numb inside now,
She can't even tell Dark to stop.

Just as I begin to say my own little piece,
Another voice cuts in with something better to say.
Dark shakes her head again and says;
“Come on, Bright, give me one good reason to stay?”

Bright just stands there looking helpless.
Tears begin to throb beneath her skin.
Dark feels no mercy.
To her, this is a win.

Dark takes full control of me.
As Bright has no choice but to step back.
Dark is stronger than Bright,
Fuelled by emotions Bright does lack.

The vision that was once distorted,
By the tears Bright brought to my eyes,
Is cleared up in an instant,
As Dark happily says her goodbyes.

Goodbye to your beautiful face,
And your wonderful mind and heart.
Goodbye to your open arms,
That have held me up since the start.

Goodbye to your great smile,
That special one, just for me.
Goodbye to all our memories,
And to the future we'll never see.

Bright takes her position beside Dark,
To join in with the farewell.
She decided she can no longer fight Dark.
But this is something she doesn't tell.

As I take a final look around me,
I think about the past year.
I think of all the things I could have done,
And all the places I could have been instead of here.

Regret dominates me.
Even Bright can feel it now.
Dark urges me to leave as quick as I can.
But I'm still trying to figure out how.

What excuse could I possibly make up?
And where on Earth am I going to go?
What are they all going to think of me?
My heart's beating so fast, I fear it may blow.

You look concerned as you ask me if I'm okay.
I smile and say; “Yeh, of course I am” in my best disguise.
Dark knows you're content with my answer.
But Bright hopes you can see the truth within my eyes.

You continue your jolly conversation,
With everyone else around us.
Bright can see who you truly are now,
And she doesn't make a fuss.

You whisper a soft 'I love you.'
And Bright stays silent as I say it too.
She dreams of an alternative world,
Where the words you've said are true.

Bright's heart shatters like a glass,
As I finally build up the courage to go.
But just as I'm beginning to take to my feet,
Inside, Dark is screaming; “No!”

The first day we met,
You told me your name.
I took the seat beside you,
And did the same.
You were really warm and welcoming,
I had met a new friend.
And I've considered you as one, always,
Right up, past the end.

Days will keep moving forward,
And years will fly past.
But I see now that I should be treating
Each one as my last.

I hope that when I reach your age,
I'll have grown to be someone like you.
Someone who is happy, friendly and respectable,
As you know, out there, there are few.

I regret learning only little about you,
Now that it's too late, and you're gone.
But what I do know, I'll keep forever,
And I promise to remember you, my dear John.

It will come to deeply hit us,
That you're no longer here,
When we take a look around us,
And see a single, empty chair.

We will all continue to gather.
But it will never be the same.
For me, we have lost all spirit,
To out weekly, Saturday game.

I'm really glad that I met you.
You were significant in my life.
Now, you are free to ascend into Heaven,
Where you can live happily again, with your wife.

I just want to say thank you for the welcome,
And thank you for every weekend.
Rest in Peace, for ever more now.
And farewell, my dear friend.
"27 August 2015"


Dedicated to John McGarrigle .. 2015

The dawn of my day is still not over,
Yet, the time has taught me many lessons.
Some of truths, others of lies,
Some of mistakes, others of blessings.

I must admit between the black and white,
I hope that sometime I may find the grey.
And I really hope I'll find it soon,
Within the next few hours of my day.

I don't believe in forgetting,
Yet, I love to remember.
And I absolutely hate being cold,
But my favourite month is December.

I always speak in utmost honesty,
Because I simply cannot lie.
And I'm a really happy person,
But, inside, I always feel the need to cry.

I haven't found out who I am yet,
Because I don't really want to know.
I want to be the one who keeps holding on,
Even long after others have let go.

I would love to know everybody,
And, in return, I would love to be known.
I want to learn how to play guitar,
But I don't want to be shown.

I would like to speak fluent Irish,
Though, I don't really see it's use.
I want to stand up and make my objections,
But I don't want anyone to have to choose.

I want to understand the world, Tim,
Yet, I don't think that that would be wise.
Because I've found it's not what it seems,
For some reason, it wears a disguise.

I long to know why judgement is passed,
When no one really knows all the facts.
And why we don't just admit them out loud,
And put aside these silly acts!

Tim, I want to find love for myself,
Purely, from inside my own heart.
I don't exactly know who you are,
Yet, I never want us to be apart.

I want to explain out loud exactly how I feel,
For leadership's sake.
Because it's so difficult to know what's real,
When, outside, even the clouds look fake.

I wonder if birds count themselves lucky
To find themselves free in the sky.
Knowing they can escape up into the air.
They just have to spread their wings and fly.

I wonder what happens if they somehow fall,
And they find themselves bound to the ground.
Do they just accept their fate,
And fade away without a sound?

Or do they thrash and yammer
Until they can't anymore.
Then, just lay there and look up,
Remembering how it used to be before?

Do they fear that they are prey,
Another species' meal?
Or do they lose all their senses,
And choose not to feel?

I wonder if they're left just a little bit hopeful
That help may come along,
So they don't completely give up,
And try to keep themselves strong?

Or if they just lay there,
And wait for their eyes to close tight,
And slip away happily.
Surrendering without a fight.

I think, if I were a bird,
Who fell down from the sky,
I'd fight, thrash, yammer and hope..
Until the day I found myself capable of spreading my wings to fly.

I wonder if you left the light on that night,
As you sat clutching your wine glass on the floor.
Or if you tucked yourself up tightly in bed,
After you securely locked up every door.
If you fought till you were sober,
And never gave up, though you lost,
Leaving your pillow fully tear-soaked,
And your covers unneatly tossed.
I wonder if you wake up every morning,
Like you used to, all alone.
But feel your heart sink deeper,
Once you realise you're on your own.
Or do you still continue preparing
Their clothes as if they're there?
And hum a melody as you wander the house,
Disturbing the old, settled air.
Do you still set three seats at the table,
And then call them when it's time to eat.
Then wait just for a moment,
To hear their scampering feet?
Have you stayed in touch with their friend's parents?
Or have you left them in the dark?
Are you afraid they would ask questions,
Or make some advisory remark?
I think they'd tell you to look in the mirror.
And to get up off of your lazy ***.
That you did less than you know you could have.
And, for God's sakes, put down that glass!
I don't think you were a bad mother,
But, sure, how am I to know?
I was the last one to find out all about it.
I just can't believe you'd let them go!
Have you dismantled his bed in the attic,
Or have you just left it there to rot?
Or have you moved out of that house completely,
Leaving behind all the heartache it brought?
Did you continue to leave mini eggs on her window sill?
The ones you used to pretend her dragons had laid.
Or did your body freeze in front of her door-frame,
As you asked yourself why they hadn't stayed?

I wonder if you teared up into your wine glass,
When you realised it was because of you they're gone.
Then I wonder why on Earth you would cry,
When it's what you wanted all along.

I'm almost fully conscious,
when I realise who you are.
No longer some dazzling angel,
or a distant, shiny star.
You're a man with a startling beauty,
and charms that win my heart.
You're exactly how I imagined you would be,
even from the very start.

We're sitting at a table.
It's not one I've previously known.
But, by the way you perch your boots upon it,
suggests it is your own.
I've come to confess some thoughts I've had,
And some things I wish to share.
To a person I not only will sit and listen,
But I can guarantee will care.
He glares into my dark blue eyes,
that reflect the blue of his.
And while my words slip right into his ears,
he unjumbles them like a quiz.
I never hear of his opinion,
It's just my voice that fills the air.
But it's enough for me, just to know,
that he's even there.

Next thing I know, we're in a field,
with flowers all around.
We're all dressed up, in our best,
sitting on the ground.
I've come to you with some stories,
I can't share with another soul.
I've come to tell you that my life is good,
now that I've taken control.
I found the person you used to know,
And realised what I am worth.
I left behind those who brought me down,
by treating me like dirt.
I realised it doesn't matter what others think.
And only you can bring your joy.
I banished my selfless thoughts I had
And even found a boy.
One who tells me I am beautiful,
and shows me to the world.
One who holds me in his arms,
and is proud that I'm his girl.
I don't know what you'd think of him,
if he ever got the pleasure to meet you.
But I want you to know, above all others,
that what I feel is true.
It's not my intention to replace you darling,
for you are like no other.
There is no man on this planet,
who could love me like my big brother.

You undo your laces, remove your boots,
and give them to me with a kiss.
I sit them on the grass, ensure he'll keep them safe,
and that, I tell you, is my promise.

Before my eyes flicker back to Earth,
I reach out for your hand.
I thank you and tell you I love you so much,
and I'm happy you understand.

No bandage could cover the wounds.
No comforting sounds could loosen the knots.
The world has not technically stopped turning,
But it has, down deep inside of me.
A flame extinguished,
My voice, incapable.
Each muscle.. Lapsed into a numbness so ******.
My heart, it beats.
Thump thump
Against the walls that encase it,
Holding it there, steadily, in case it tries to break free.
The throbbing in my veins
and the beats of my heart
Are so powerful they invade my thoughts,
Hijacking the only thing I have control over.
The only thing left.
But they're unceremonious murderers,
Who, entrapped, could defeat.

He asks me how it is I am silent,
Yet words pour from the pen in my hand.
But how am I to answer,
When he could never understand?

How am I to explain of a man,
Or, should I say, a boy.
Who showed me how to love,
And filled my heart with joy.

You were a boy of beauty.
You cared for me like a brother.
And in my heart I grew to believe;
You were like no other.

I thought we lived in a perfect world.
And what we had was love.
But you showed me I was never more wrong.
Because angels don't fall from above.

You made me think I was number one,
And no one else could compare.
But if that's the case,
I long to know why you aren't here?

Of course these are not things that should concern me now,
They're thoughts I should ignore.
Because I found someone who truly loves,
Who I wish I had known before.

I'm wasting my breath spitting out these words,
And tiring the strength in my arm.
But I want to scream out these feelings,
I want you to know you did me harm!

I'm tired of missing you, tired of crying,
Tired from the lack of sleep.
I found you, and grew to love you,
But you were just yet another person I couldn't keep.

You stepped aside and dropped your arms,
And stood there like a solid brick wall.
With my arms outstretched, searching for warmth,
But you moved and let me fall.

Your heart went cold with the seasons.
No words came from your mouth.
I wonder if it was my fault you died inside,
That I do not doubt.

But we had a place in the world,
The beginning, where we met.
We swore to meet back there someday,
But you probably already forget.

So it all came down to this m'dear:
I've decided to reopen my doors,
Because you left me frozen, dying inside,
Holding onto a love that's no longer yours.

When you stood upon that podium, with your head high in the clouds,
You obviously were not thinking clear.
And you leaped on to something you wished to reach,
But you never actually got there.

Instead you took a different route,
And went tumbling to the ground.
The experience was so breath-taking,
That you couldn't even make a sound.

Onlookers threw foul words at you,
And kicked you while you were down.
But you stood back up and showed them
That, you didn't even drop your crown.

Not only did you get back up,
But you continued to walk with pride.
Despite the injuries that were taunting you then,
From deep down inside.

Now you know to always look before you leap,
Because, otherwise, you know you'll only get hurt.
But, you can keep your head high in the clouds,
As long as you leave both feet firmly in the dirt.

You're holding your breath,
even though you told yourself not to.
Your face breaks into a smile,
A part of you believes it's true.
Your hands feel warm and sweaty,
But you don't dare to move away.
Because this is the first place
You've ever wanted to stay.
Your eyes, they glimmer like starlight,
With the tears that well from deep inside.
And then you suddenly realise the same reasons
You told yourself it's better to hide.
Your hands drop to your sides,
And you pull yourself away,
Because home is a place
You're supposed to feel safe and loved in,
A place you know you can stay.

Today my thoughts were yours.
Nostalgia hit me hard.
From every photograph to letter,
To every gift you gave, or card.
I know what was is gone now,
And we've went our separate ways.
But somehow I find myself thinking of you,
And all of our past days.
You think you have it all now.
Oh, and perhaps that is true,
But somewhere inside I long to know,
If you remember me and you?
Not of the finale of us,
The supposed taking of my thrown,
I honestly don't know why you thought badly of me,
When I only ever viewed you as home.
You were part of my community,
You had a VIP seat in my heart.
But that could never be enough for someone like you,
And that's why we belong apart.
You're a constant positive in my mind, though,
Despite what has gone before,
I just concluded it was best to just move on,
As it was obvious we were simply no more.
I surprise myself on days like this,
When I realise exactly what I would like to say.
I would never expect your forgiveness or such,
I wouldn't even expect you to let me stay.
Evicted as I was from that community of yours,
I fixed up the cracks that formed inside.
And now I'm confident that if I met you tomorrow,
I wouldn't surrender or hide,
Instead I'd inform you that I remember you and me,
(As my nerves rattle me to the bone.)
And that, although I do have days like these,
My thoughts are only yours on loan.

You brought light with you as you walked,
And illuminated the dark,
Which reflected off of my face,
As you kindled up a spark.
You create an emotion deep inside,
I could never previously force.
So, in this strange little paradise,
Darling, I'm yours.

You wrap me with your arms,
And tower me till I'm small.
You comfort me with your words,
And praise me till I grow tall.
You're an indescribable beauty,
Who causes sensations through my spine.
In this strange little paradise,
Darling, you're mine.

My hand fits perfectly into yours.
My heart opened it's doors to you,
When I searched into your eyes,
And found myself swimming in their blue.
My reflection said all they can,
And showed me the long lost light.
Now you stay close at my beside,
To whisper me goodnight.
You settled my shivers from the Winter's cold,
And held me in the Spring's early sun.
So, in this strange little paradise,
Darling, we are one.

As I sit upon the rocks now,
I can't think of a better place.
With the fish like a tower above me,
And the sun shine upon my face.
It is not yet Summer,
But the air feels soft and warm.
The wide world that surrounds me,
Has taken a new form.
The sky that sits above me,
Is filled with a mixture of bright hues.
And while I'm looking right up,
I think of all the 'yous'.
The ones I think of during my daytime,
And those I see within my dreams,
And those I will only ever get to reach,
Through the sun beams.
I know I grew callous for months there,
And I'm sincerely sorry for that.
But the feelings that I felt so deep,
Were really difficult to combat.
I've found here in the sunshine,
My innate self is breaking straight through.
And I really hope if you're reading this,
You know I've written it for you.
The you that did not leave me.
The you that has held on.
The you that is the reason,
I eventually grew strong.
I've been sitting here for hours now,
But it feels like years instead.
And I'm waiting for something,
To follow the path I've led.
It's not all that straight-forward,
There are many obstacles it must cross.
From every painful defeat to failure,
To every rueful regret and loss.
I know I must be patient,
For good things come to those who wait.
And just as I look up now,
I feel glad for my true faith.
I know now I can stop running,
And truly begin to love me.
I can let happiness finally catch up,
So that what is destined, will be.

I can't pretend I know what happened,
I think it's what others call fate.
But everyone around me changed when you left,
And any liking they had for you turned into hate.
You became the outcast,
No longer part of our clann.
You were no longer welcome in our homestead,
When we met you on the street, you were just another man.
I'm sorry it turned out like it has,
I wanted to have you there till the end.
Because, although there was a major age gap,
I still seen you as our friend.
People begrudge change because it reshapes our lives,
But maybe they're just jealous they settled too quick.
Just know that I wish you all of life's successes,
And remember they are only words, they are not sticks.

Moments are separated only by a mixture of hues.
Colours, spellbinding, fixating my mind on something else. Something new.
Bells ring out. The wind, it howls. The waves crash off the shore line.
The cold air creeps through the cold-bridge beneath my window, and slithers up my spine.
He said to hold onto these thoughts, these visions, and never doubt.
But, there's always a but, nothing stops there. That's what this is all about.
Something lurks behind all of those smiles, under that strength, that ability to stay calm.
It chases you, running around between those hues. Metaphoricalised. Causing the sweat in your palms.
And it haunts you in your day time. It robs you of your hours. Ones that could be spent in truth, but no.
You don't surrender up these thoughts. Why would you? They're doubts, they're lies. They are fear. That's why the hues still glow.
It pushes, and pushes you, until the hues are ceased of their beauty, leaving only that constant fear.
Fear, wilderness, stress. Your slumber is but comfortable. And once again you awaken from your nightmare.
It breaks into your hours and steals away your days. It conquers your rest. It darkens the hues, and leaves but light.
You twist and turn, you're struggling in the confined space in which you're in. Dark, small and tight.
The incandescence of light from the sky should illuminate the dark. I'm sick of the artificialness!
But I know for sure my words would only come out wrong if I confess..
I've decided to hide it away, the truth I mean. Although I know I shouldn't.
I know I could go on pretending forever. But, then again, I couldn't.

There is a difference between dying alone and dying lonely..