Magic is real
and all around me.
It's amazing and graceful,
I'm forever thankful it found me.
Soothing and chilling
warming and
consuming, it wraps
all around me.
I surrender everything,
to the magical, mighty God
who found me.

We'll always have...
Orion, there to cheer up any fight.

each other, since we've been together
and every. other. single. night.

the holy place.
and all it's mystical wonders.

I'll always have you,
I've since needed nothing other

than your soul
& mine together

No better time could be spent.

I love you more than evil men
love having power, greed, and lust.

I love you there & back again,
until my heart feels like it could bust.

I love you more than I love loving you,
laugh at that if you must.

But the love I love, while loving you
is hardly enough love, it is unjust.

I mean to apologize, wholeheartedly and from the pit of my being
There are a lot of things I've done here that lack real meaning
I know you can't see beyond the curse words and violent reactions
That's just the way I developed, using my past as dirt to bury the hatchet
Unacceptable, is the word that comes to mind
When I ponder our interactions that leave me lonelier each time
I don't get how we let things go so far south
How human beings can look at one another and let such hateful things seep out from their mouths
If I had one wish right before I died
It'd be that everyone here on earth could take a deeper look inside
And see that I want to help every single person I can
But the reality of life interferes with all my plans
And if I was better at handling my fate
I'd break with these selfish traditions and learn to escape
And finally set out to do the world some good
But you have to learn to love yourself like you should
And then you can pursue your dreams of saving the world
Though they look at me like I'm some foolish little girl
With dreams of unicorns and fairies floating in my head
When in reality I'd like to see all the world's children fed
I'd like to be there when we actually achieve peace
Instead of wondering if this $125 jacket would look better in fleece
Its trivial the way most of my peers exist
Is it wrong that it irks me and causes me to raise a fist
And say that I won't participate or adjust to the norms
Its not me! In any way, shape, or form.

What greater gift than your love?
Who do I turn to above you?
Who am I made of?

Your breath gives my life meaning.
Your corrections bring holiness to my ways.
I am but a meaningless vapor without you.
But with you, a vapor not in vain.

If you meet me by the lake,
Don't worry if it's a mistake
Look at all the things we could create
Over here by this lake.

If you're looking for the tree,
That's where you'll find me
That's where you become free.
Us, just sitting in a tree.  

You could push me on the swing,
Look at all the joy that'd bring.
You're not thinking about anything,
Swinging on the green.

If you could manage to find hole #6.
That's where all of this exists.
It's in our minds, it's not myth.
Dreams of hole #6.

How much of me
is wrapped up in blue?

With ribbon,
and artifacts,
and oil portraits of you?

I know I'll never need you.
You don't need me,
not you.
But there are days when I'm pretending,
you see me as someone you still talk to too.

You've been carrying a lifetime of spiritual duress on your shoulders.
Fearing growing older.
Fear making you colder.
You're not any bolder
You're just alone in a mystery unraveling answers, but not yet the beholder

will sheds light
Use fear against them
We know we're alright.

We mold together briefly
I felt my insides flicker with light
You pulled away and disappeared
Now inside I feel no fight

With you I at least felt something
Even if it was a force of bad
Now I'm alone with all these possessions
Writing stupid words over something I didn't think I even had

Lost count of how many times I check technology
To see if anyone at all has bothered
The clock flickers on for hours
No mother, boy, or father

I eat away at my own self
Listening to these repeated thoughts
I shake it off and try and get away
Dragged further into these bogs

It never washes off my skin
Aren't memories kept inside your mind?
I pour them onto canvas and paper
Until my third eye wishes it'd go blind

I shout enough into the mirror
Then crawl back into bed
Maybe if I can dream of leaving you one last time
You can finally escape my head.

Nothing is as intangible as the time in your childhood when you dreamed
Though nothing here on earth has ever been what it really seemed
No one ever tells stories of a damsel in distress
Who drove away every nice prince because her heart was in a mess
No stories about the villain, the one that got away
Who moved on to another poor princess and ruined her life in some way
But no one ever gets out alive being stuck inside the tower of their past
And you'll never write another fairy tale about the wonders of a love that didn't last
Unless you kick the notion that someday someone will save you
You're bound to make a mess pursuing a villain you can't get through to


So we venture out timidly, always on the alert
Fantasizing about what's his name, though our heart continues to hurt
And maybe when we've given up, or decided to put love on hold
A stranger will begin to seep in, and warm the inside of your heart's mold
He may not be charming, or royal in any manner
And there won't be whistles, bells, or banners
But eventually you've forgotten about that new princess and her villain
You realized everyone was right, he was just one out of a billion
But you realized something else, your prince is not
For his quirks are far more precious than something that's just "hot"
Maybe happily ever after hasn't been discussed just yet
But its still your fairy tale, one you can't forget

When you realize your life long best friend whose home you live in is fine walking out the door and never seeing you again.

When all your ideas are beautiful orchids, and those you reveal them to are dogs looking for relief.

When I look to you for something you don't know how to give.

When I wait three extremely long days for you to keep your promise.

When I still cry, and feel crushed, and wish I didn't exist here even though I am happy.

When I am a million things to a few people who do nothing for me.

When I don't see any of my family for months...and they make no attempts.

When I am tempted to let the months creep into years.

When I realize my boss is an idiot and possible ******.

When I trade them substance for substance calling them friend, but our relationships lack substance.

When everyone just wants what is in it for them, and I just want to give it to them to feel their happiness.

When I feel so alone I could explode.

When I doubt that I am okay.

We all need something.
Grace.
Love.
Compassion.
Trust.
But my days have been spent judging,
myself mostly, but others if I find I must.
It's a disposition
An antithesis of helpfulness.
I desire to speak life, to give life, to live life
freely...
But I have been stuck in a pit.
And I cannot dig myself out.
And I cannot sit myself down
And say, "what you are feeling is ok.
You are not ruined,
And you're just learning to stay."

My niece asked about you yesterday,
she said she liked you.
I said, " I like him too, but we're just friends."
That was a lie, but sometimes it is okay to pretend,
when something is too complicated for a child to comprehend.
I do hope, however, I never have to lie like that again.
Because as the words left my lips
I remembered how achingly I missed
you, my best friend.

He isn't your typical Dad.
He knows my every thought,
My every ache,
My wounds.
And He didn't create any of them.

No, in fact He heals.
He takes my broken places
and he puts them back together.
Actually, He makes them even better.
He takes what wasn't so beautiful
and makes a masterpiece.

He is what everyone wishes they had.
In fact, He's there for all of them too.
I love Him, because He loved me first.
Yes, He loved me at my worst.
He has never left me for a moment.
Now, who has ever heard of a love like that?

Jesus Jesus
I need thee so
Jesus Jesus
Never let me go
So far ahead
That I leave you behind
So filled with dread that I change my mind

Let me be your echo
Til the end of time
You came to save our soul
Each and every time

Creation gives glory
Let me give you praise
I will never be finished
Even at the end of my days

Hallelujah fills the heavens
And we echo your worship
In this place
My body the temple
Filled with your praise

Thought it feels I'm trudging through the desert land
You've never left.
Left to die upon this island.
Still you've never left.
Drowning in a sea of sin.
You threw me a raft.
I left the world you found me in
So the first could become the last.
You never judged my failing ways.
You never ridiculed me or laughed.
When I felt less than deserving
You gave up your Son that I might know you at last.
Closer than the sun rays upon my skin
Closer than my past.
You breathe life into all of me again.
And you never look back.

I may have never shared with you,
what a wretch I was.
The dependency on drugs,
selling them to my friends,
the unforgivable, explicit activities...
you can guess where I'm going with this.
Then there were the wretched things done to me.
That I did not choose.
And I let them all eat away at my soul.
I let a prison become erected around my heart.
I hired guards.
I took new inmates.
And developed strict programs and policies...
We never allowed visitors at my prison.
I remember laying awake at night crying
more than I remember lovely stories from my childhood.
I remember dreaming happy things would happen that
just
never did.

And then I really met Jesus.
Not in the way I met Him when I was 12 years old.
At 12, He was the promise that I wouldn't burn in Hell.
At 22, He became the man who called me by my very own name and beckoned me into a world full of Light.
And I haven't looked back.
I'm not going to look back, except to tell you how dark it really was.
Because I know what it is to feel death.
I know what it is to stay high every day
because life is unbearable.
I know what it is to believe there is a God,
but not know how to reach Him.
I know what it's like to think you aren't
worth it.

BUT YOU ARE.
You are worth dying for in Jesus' eyes.
Can you picture that?
A man who finally loves everything about you
so much so
that He did everything He could
to set you free.
Now you just have to want it.
You have believe you can be free.
Take a good look at where you are.
Now ask yourself, "Am I truly free?"

If your life is anything like what mine used to be...
you aren't.
My heart is breaking for yours.
I know you are out there.
I know you want freedom.
You have to know,
God wants you to have it
more.

Oh, what we're taught
Versus what we bought.
Lies in the lines
Spewing from the top.

Now we're all confused
mind tampering by fluoride
They say it's not abuse
kind of like being beaten at Occupy

The world needs a muse
better than Beyonce
I'm not saying I will light the fuse
I'm just saying what they're not saying.

It is up to us to choose
If it is our game or theirs we're playing
Because if it's left up to you
Is it even your words you're saying??

Bluer than the Atlantic
Colder than its depths
Your eyes more or less windows
Closed shutters you've always kept
Swimming inside them I grew gills
I failed to see I evolved too fast
Breathing in nothing but you
But time is needed to make a good love last
Changes like that shouldn't happen over night
Now we're more or less strangers with feelings of deja vu
I loved you many times before
Now you're something new
I couldn't take that step
Afraid to dive from these heights
Your water is inviting
But I can't shake my frights
Fears of creatures in the depths
Or giant sharp rocks
Your ocean is one of brilliance
With tides that don't stop
Maybe I can avoid the plunge
Stick a toe or two in
One thing I am certain
These waters will win

stayed true
straight through
never strayed from you.

...........
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                                                    .....       ­        ........
                                                        ­
                                                                ­        ........
                                                ­   .......
freedom
Seven different tabs open,
but a single one I never needed.
Copped a fresh attitude
questioning whether or not I even believe it.
I wasn't born into love
so I can't explain how badly I need it.

free it

Like a slave given a ticket to the underground,
I open my chest and upon this mess
I hope I can expound.

type it out and my internal clock gets set to "rewound"

Now all I hear from life is a bunch of sounds.
Pressure from the world to be different,
so I'm not around.
Cannot relax when I come out and they all look down.
Cannot relax because inside my mind these problems are found.

Isn't it so funny?
The difference between real life
and the internet,
The ways that they both love me...
it ain't really that different.

People just want ya full commitment
To not feelin indifferent
Can't treat them any different
Just because all that love they had went missin'
just because the love isn't the same anymore
just because ya name isn't just a name anymore.
Or they want to feel closer to fame than the door.
I don't know.

Oh, this is not that type of game.
This is just from the place where I came.
Oh, I don't want to complain
How do you trust anyone when you factor in fame?
I don't know.

Bad feelings
Regret
Anguish
despair
I don't have room for that anymore,
No, it don't live here.
I don't have time for selfish behavior
It is much harder over here
To be selfrighteous, or live in anger
Or hangout with my old friend,
Fear.
I'm too busy working in His Kingdom.
Being a slave to His will.
I'm just trying to get it right,
The walk with Him,
And my own will I ****.
So leave your baggage of this life
And pick up the cross.
Though the freedom He will gift you
Comes at a cost.

Why do we ignore all these spoken words?

We've had
poets,
rappers,
artists,
and actors
tell us as
it were.

Now I, myself, have spit one or two verse
and I need to let you know  I will be heard.*

You call for a social media blackout and
there they sit thinking, " How absurd!"

But when it comes down to it
what do you do when there is
no reaction* to your tear-filled  words?

Is it because we have adapted to being so passive,
when there's ****, murders, lynchings, and theft
we just take it in passing?

Or is it because we can look the other way,
when the hands of a white man
take the life of a different ethnicity away?

Is it in relation to power?
We close our eyes
and pray.
But where is the action
for justice in this final hour?

What is it that you do to help this land?
Other than observe and comment snidely
on your fellow man?

It is no tragedy for a loss of life?
While you ponder your "newsfeed"
via social media
via your Iphone
via your wifi
....
Consider the point when you lost touch with real life.

I want to make you feel good
The way any other should.
Open up to the idea, let's be understood
What would you do if you knew we could?

Do anything,
The sunshine I'll bring.
Sweetest sounds for you, I'll sing.
Lose your fear, let yourself ring
Don't indulge dear, all those silly things.

Beautiful you
Musical view
Oh, how the rhymes come true
Can we have this all the time?
Oh, it's gotta be
true.

I think every flower starts with a dream
To help the others
Grow tall
To live with esteem.
Sometimes there are weeds
who come between.
These flowers and all
the pretty things
they could bring.

I've been thinking
amiss all this drinking
There's a feeling of sinking
and I have only had two.

There's warfare
and there's no cares
and that's unfair
Just look at what I do to you.

And that's evil.
My spirit feels feeble
Because through this upheaval
I observed I don't have the slightest clue
about what the **** I should do.

So- I'll fight harder,
pray I act smarter,
And resist anything that is darker,
than the light of me and *you.

My mind is lost in the sea of information,
Thought I could swim, thought I wouldn't fall-in,
but I still kept pacing.
Blame me because I let fear in,

THEN I ERASED IT.

Fear serves no purpose, unless you strive to control a nation.
I'm just sayin.

It is so beautiful here...
I used to think being sad
was something of beauty.
Then it dawned on my heart,
that life is so much more than dark words
or feelings I can choose not to have.

Believe me, I have felt your pain.
I have been more attached to depression,
because it at least would not let me down.  
I have known the death that is life.
I walked a road that was gray and damp...
and I was alone.

Though I haven't got the happiness I think I want.
I know that I have been gifted
with the joy of God.
I know that my troubles may seem terrible in the night,
but peace, rest, love, joy, goodness, kindness, and blessings
all come as
soon as
I choose
to see
it.

I have a kindness in me
That blooms and blooms
And it has eyes so wide
That when they gaze upon you
Kindness blossoms and waits
Salivating for opportunities
To be plucked
But those are rare
And more often than not
The petals are left searching for light
In an entirely dark room
And they fall one by one
Until they are kicked underfoot
Trampled, and lost

I can't breathe when I see how much we suffer
We are all connected through life and need to learn to hold onto one another
I will never understand how you can be so selfish
A person is a person, no matter how much their wealth is
I want to tell every single good influence in my life
About my gratitude and love for helping me through the strife
And though I feel alone more often than not
I know I wouldn't be treading this well on my own after the water got hot
If I could beg for a moment of silence all around the world
I would preach for the same beliefs you can find inside a little girl
No one person is better than the next
For anything related to their pay checks
A road less traveled and I'm walking alone
Picking up passengers who are hitching from home
On my good nature, will, and graces
Dragging me down to much darker places
And then the sin slips in and that's when it all starts
You forget your beliefs and let the dark in your heart
And turn on one another because no one understands you
They turn on you because of something they'll misconstrue
When we're just turning because we're hurtin and we don't know what to do
And society tells to drown it with liquor
But we don't realize it helps the hurt set quicker
You don't even realize it but you're waking up alone
In a house full of strangers in a home you used to own
And you glance at your reflection not even knowing that person
And somehow its God that you're cursin?
Wake up, there is so much more to this life
You don't have to follow my path or any of my advice
Except do good, its as simple as that
You'll be surprised with the places you find yourself at

The most important thing
we should realize is
I could never be me
Without you.

Next to peers I don't fit in
We may share an age,
but I can't hide the years I have on them within.

eternally awkward
Trying to bridge the gap
between my soul and sin.

I think I've got it,
Then I lose again.
Time after time
Wishing the life I wanted would begin.
Wasting time and feeling,
I'll never see the end.

We established who I am,
In the Master's plan
But really who are you?
Do you influence what I go through?
Do you have a hand
Stirring up
The order of fate seemingly run amok.
I'm trying to figure you out
Do you scream?
Do you pout?
At least I know you're wicked
in your ways,
Illuminate the truth as it flickers,
Lest some "secret" society brings about the end of our days.

I don't have religion
I have a relationship
with God.
The God who took my broken life
and transformed it into the most
magical story.

The story of a girl falling in love,
with a man who was 100% percent God
But in the flesh.
He is love personified.
He is the definition of everything she searched for
In every story, movie, song,
and poem.
He equaled the sum of all the parts
that just did not make sense.
He took her pain and turned it into
bars of gold.
He redeemed her.
He saw her.
He adopted her.

And wherever she went...
there He was.
Redeeming
Seeing
Adopting.
Making stories
out of moments that most would find
merely adequate.
He made poetry,
out of her pain.
He made sunshine
out of rain.

And she was never again
the same.

You have never stopped reaching,
even when I returned.
You beckoned my heart higher,
For fullness your Spirit yearned.

You lavished affection
on a broken heart.
You told stories of romance,
that shot light into the dark.

When I thought that I knew you,
You educated me still.
When I thought it could go no deeper,
you opened up a well.

You will never change,
despite my wayward heart.
You charge us to usher heaven,
you champion all our less than parts.

Your love will reign forever,
all creation knows your name.
The king of Victory,
King of Heaven,
King of Glory,
You will always reign.

I need a breath
of fresh air.
I need to feel that
you are here.
I need to be
changed.
I need you
now.

Lord, heal
my heart.
Let me know
it's alright.
Give me the
strength to
keep going.
Keep smiling.
Keep growing.

I do not feel anything
is right
On the inside of
me.
Change me.
Rearrange me
Help me to see
the way you
see.
me.

A gift confers no rights.
Is it not to be given freely?
How does one love anything
without seeing it clearly?
Those rosey lenses you wear
while looking my way,
will break when the morning comes
and I have nothing left to say.
It isn't the lenses' fault
or the the changing view.
The fault of displeasure
lies solely on you.

Cords that tie us together forever
Exist all around us, unless we choose to sever.
The connections offering protection over our past,
Seems good from here, but we know it won't last.
When I think of you it all goes back,
to the wrong turns we took landing us on this track.