Maybe I don’t know
like you do
how to tiptoe to the edge
barely getting in
barely feeling water on your feet
Maybe it’s because it scares me
I only know how to jump
All In
All In
I’m up to my waist
while you’re still at the shore
My legs feel like ice
but you’re walking away

3 words I hold close to my heart
They hesitate to step on my tongue
I'd rather go spin my poetic art
then say what's already been sung

I burn
so much hotter
than most men
But am I
a candle
burning at both ends?

My tummy hurts again,
From what I didn’t know,
Would hurt intestines weak from fear,
Of another vandalizing idiot.
Pure and fresh,
Rot to make flesh,
That will last the grinding days,
Long enough to sing,
As complete as You would wish,
And binding together to be more whole,
Than I have ever been.
I don’t like to be told,
That all this was airy lies, and empty bowls,
The plates piled high with man-made leeches,
Killing me and you, one by one, then all at once,
In avalanche catastrophe,
Does the truth come at long last?
After decades of mindless tastes,
And steps towards this disaster,
Do we now come to the truth?
Oh, God, help me to know,
And be well.

My God is living color
a translucent Fire
the traces of Your fingers drip like Gold
Your face blood Ruby red
split with veins of Garnet orange
Carnelian swirls ascending from Your feet

I wonder where my words went
they stick in pots of ink
floating, lazy swimmers
shirking precious duty
what do I pay them for
if not to arise and fill my pen

Oh God, I long for you
I miss the times I felt you keenly,
Your fingers on my hand,
And your breath upon my head,
Oh God, I long for my friend
And to see you once again,
As the lover ever at my side,
I want to have all of you, to be united with you,
To enjoy the full joy of what is reflected,
In the love of a man and a woman,
We both stand here, with our hearts exposed,
Vulnerable and we’re gonna get hurt because of me,
You sacrifice yourself for me, and I still don’t understand
That you will never leave or take your love from me,
My heart is lashed to yours with everlasting cords,
They will beat as one, and mine join the glorious drumbeat of your children
The sweet taste of love, I try to ration out,
Like this precious thing must be of dwindling sum,
But though it may be little in other’s lives,
Love is the most abundant thing on earth,
And I am invited to drink, and drink, and drink
From your cup that never bites,
Oh, increase my thirst, enlarge my throat,
And my cravings for this love, Oh Lord
Help me take the gifts you give me.
That is the hardest thing for me,
To come and ask, to know I need,
Help, and love, and comfort from you,
Not just when I feel the hurt, for numb I often am,
Or ignore the pain,
I want to dance with you every night,
To stand with my head held high with the confidence,
Only the King can bring.

Maybe
deep in your godman
waiting in the core of your spirit being
There’s an apology for me
Your soul had yet to meet it’s pressure point
Your best features still buried
in the unconscious dirt that clings
to every human
It’s not something I want presented now
Not a crystal I want to hold
so I trust it’s sitting in your heart
As God turns all your mistakes to gold

Growing up gracefully
is learning when to lean into yourself
and when to lean into someone else

I’m learning I’m an ocean
full of uncharted depths
made just for me to explore
I’m far more interesting than a few little coves
I’ve got trenches
and reefs
starfish
and beasts
And I’ll never reach the end of it

WM
MW
MCM
did I place a leech inside my heart
or is my dangerous dream a divine tattoo?
A silver, dangling I love you?
A worm I feed with daydreams
I need
to starve it out?

Advice is cheap
It comes out so smoothly
easier than compliments
which I could give more freely
Honestly I'd rather listen
and watch our faces tumble down together
as you speak of all the tender places
Life has found to pinch you
But there are no eyes to see upon this black and white screen
and supporting arms must be constructed
out of paper thin words
so flighty in their meaning
which fall apart like card pyramids
at one breath of misunderstanding
My profile is no weighty substitute for
the eternalness of audible sighs of a friend
But I want you to know that I heard you

When I met you
I met a new me
and it’s like learning how to fly
I’m in the air for the first time

Don’t blame the darling
for trying to seem so familiar
She only wants to be your home
Reflecting all your friends
So when you’re with her you never feel alone
There’s nothing left to miss
if every kiss contains a taste
of everything you ever loved

you smell the detergent your mother used
on all her clothes
she mouths the words to every song you play
In the stones of her mind she’s carved every compliment you ever gave her
But also . . . the criticism
and when the stones begin to crush her
She will hate everything she’s done

Like a flag lowered
At the end of the day,
Folded and put away,
Is this part of my heart.

Like a book lying on a table,
Long since read,
That part is dead.

My colors don’t snap gaily in the breeze,
Nor am I overcome by a sense of adventure,
Impatient to turn the page.

Like a land just under downpour,
Calm and shining,
Soaking up the puddles on the ground,
Its colors turned vibrant,
Wondering how a thunderstorm could only just have passed,

Sometimes I wonder,
if my lines,
For Ulysses,
Are chains,
Instead of freedom,
Closer to a siren,
Then the angel I wish I was,
My great poetry,
A trap,
Setting me up,
To remember,
A waste of time,
Not that You are a waste,
Oh great one,
But my heart spends its energy on useless things,
Add my mouth eats too much chocolate.

I find myself
strangely silent
my chat box sits empty
I think of you and sigh
once I did so well
why do my fingers hang so limply now?
my heart cools
as if floating in a murky pond
and I don’t know if I’m too busy
I’m too content
or I’m too ambitious
to pursue again
Or if I don’t believe
I know how to find a heart at all

Your tremors
of joy
are my heart beats

my love leaks today
spilling out like scarlet drops
rolling over sorrows hills to find
a glass house to fill
a few tried to find
ways to go back
to a previous vessel
that broke to send them fleeing in return
to Me
But as your dark face arose before me
all I felt was a quiet disgust
And my drops of love sighed
"No bottled home for thee is found"
And their home must be my heart

"I thought we were good people, Mama"
"It was the books you read,
Not the words I said,
my child.
I didn't spare your ears,
and when you threatened tears,
I let the truth march on"
"Then how did I grow being proud,
singing our national anthems loud,
sure it was good to be American?
My country has stolen, my country has *****, made every poisened mistake,
and it WON'T STOP!"
" That is true,
my child, but it is good to be you.
Apologize for your cousins and fathers and aunts, if you must,
and your purchased slave chocolate,
slave t-shirts, and jewelry
But NEVER,
my child,
not EVER,
should you apologize for being yourself"

Find me in the Spring
and I will love you freer

Love explodes like little paint tubes
pressurized inside my heart
color shoots
and streaks
across all these walls and chambers
dripping down through all my veins
a rainbow stretched from chest to feet

deep eyes
always ready to stare straight into yours
Lips that don’t ask personal questions
and only volunteer a few of his own
with laughing humility
Quick to tease gently
arms that hug with a whisper that says
“stay here as long as you need”

I think my greatest power discovery
is finding I’m strong enough to love myself
and it’s not hard
because I’m very lovable

I pleasure not
in memory of your kisses
Like sculptures in the sand
a child sure will stay
until bubbly waves wash away
the glorious towers
of yesterday
I like how the beach returns
Smooth again and calm

Ah, all these foolish feelings
yet I love myself for all my silliness
at least I have that

when cultivating a will to live is too difficult
I settle for drowning out the desire to die

I do not answer a fool in his folly
for the retorts of a fool are too many

I have longed for him with despair
But for You it is with a Bright Hope
a soft and resting air
I have no promise of his return
as I imagine my fingers in his hair
But I feel Your invisible arms
Stronger than his physical being could dare

To return to my family is not ecstasy,
They no longer reside in my home,
But rather a great relief to my soul,
As I sit with the people who always will love me.
I cry for the friends that they left behind,
And anxiously wait for their visit,
But I have all I need in my arms.

And in this red moment
nothing would please me more than being called a firecracker

I tell my children
“Do it”
They say
“I can’t”
I say
“You can”
They say
“I don’t know how”
I say
“Yes, you do”
They start to cry
I say “Just try, and I’ll help you if you can’t”
Most times they do it by themselves
Just do it, just try, and it might be so much easier than you thought

just to tell you
I have a VORACIOUS appetite
for love and honesty

It’s late
and it’s been so long
since such pressure built up inside my art room
my heart’s now exploding
again
like so many glorious paint tubes

I miss you
but I bind my wrists when I think of you
Was I a fool . . .
Your name now on the list
A thought that's only wist-
ful
hurtful
as I bite my tongue and turn away
shake out your image from my head
before I bludgeon my chest
remembering my quiet idiocy
And your dimpled smile

My last words
You never answered

I used to want a man to lead me
But now I know I won’t allow
my feet to be forced to go
a way I wasn’t walking
I used to want a man to teach me
But now I know I won’t allow
my mind to be forced into
a different, “better” mold
I used to want a man to keep me
But now I know I won’t allow
someone to protect me
when I know how to protect myself
I used to think a man would define me
But now I know I won’t allow
myself to be anything but me

Your cologne smelled like happiness and contentment
Lingering on my scarf,
I smiled all the way home

The background comes together slowly, made from bits of headache and lingering sleepiness,
A stray emotion from a movie scene, and some constrained memories;
Blue wind blowing over low hills, with a distant Grecian temple.
In the foreground are many hormones, so tiring to me and contributing to every feeling here,
Represented as red spikes and hard geometric figures.
Opposite these is a hardened tree, standing firm for what I see,
As right.
And flowing across the very bottom of the page, is a happy brook,
Calming the hormones, watering the tree, and giving life to the image.
Today the tree fights to see clearly, but the hills seem steep, and the wind is cold,
The temple so sweet and the memories calling,
Chemicals burn.
But the water soothes, and sings its song and draws the tree away,
The sky is dark but the break of day,
Is coming.

Oh Bleeding Heart
up on a shelf
You always tug on mine
So rough around the edges
but without withholding any thought
You paint the surest picture of humanity
Watching you becomes like being pierced
with rainbow needles
It seems the Way you sing your life
You can’t open your mouth without spitting blood
You have your teeth and need no knife
I wish I was inspired to write for you a balm
But no such calm intrudes
Type 4s incite each other
Fire feeding off of Fire
fighting for a stage
at once against and together

watercolor rainbow
washing away
my iris streaked across my face