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Elioinai May 2017
The last thing
he says he misses
showing me truth
and watching me change
well, maybe not change
He didn't see me change enough  
So when I feel I miss him
and His chocolate cake of kisses
Remind me . . .
what he misses is changing me
But what he MISSED was Me
He missed out on loving who I am, instead he wasted his energy on trying to change me, how sad for him. But it helped me love myself, find my own strength and dignity
Elioinai Jan 2017
My words for you have melted together
Like gold and scarlet
Broad, deep themes of joy and emotions
That I cannot spill them out in an ordered form
they drip down warm
Upon the page they make a boldened shape
dark curves and twisted lines
like my face pressed against your chest
Elioinai Jan 2017
You take my heart with you
on your journey south of 2,000 miles
It throbs a little less
you left yours inside my chest
Elioinai Jan 2017
My heart lifts
to hear your voice
and hear your laugh
Only to long to see your smile
and the flashes of your lovely teeth
within reach of my fingertips
Fingertips that cannot touch you
for 150 days
Finally the rising tears spilled over
You haven't even left town yet and I'm already crying
Elioinai Oct 2016
I don't know what your lips feel like
I haven't touched your cheek
All I've felt is your heart
and it's warm, and deep, and free
I can't remember the hug you gave me, all I remember is that I was happy with you
Elioinai Oct 2016
deep and warm
soft and strong
calm and exhilarating
wide open spaces
cozy embraces
holding and swaying
laughing and **praying
I feel the strength of your love now so much better, as of yesterday, I'm not sure why. I think our disagreement, and your good reaction to it, may have been the reason.
     Honestly, I wasn't sure about us on Thursday. I was thinking I needed someone a little more crazy like me, but then I was giving my brother Gabe some advice on Friday. He said he felt like he needed to marry a girl as crazy as him, and I told him he didn't need a crazy girl, just a girl happy to go on adventure with him. That made me realize the flaw in my own thinking about you. You're perfectly suited for me. I need your calmness to my crazy.
  Your reaction to our disagreement was so great. You were so happy we finally found something we disagreed on. And you knew I didn't want to say "I love you" that night, so you said "I love you too", though I protested and told you I loved you anyway, I secretly wasn't feeling it for the first time.
        Then you sang "I'll run" to me  Thursday, and I knew you were doing it because you loved me, and probably because you knew I hadn't recovered yet.
And on Friday you made me face my fear of what challenges my Ulcerative Colitis might bring us, and helped me know that you weren't going to ever leave because of any.
That afternoon I thought about how much you love me and I finally realized how everything you've told me is true. I knew that before, I guess, I just didn't really *feel* the truth before.
   And my heart felt settled in, secure in your love, in loving you
Elioinai Sep 2016
You love me in my brokenness
You hold my heart with shards of glass
A few times I've felt too broken, to weak that you should keep loving me. I've felt like I'm too much, but you always show me your heart is big enough and that I'm going to be OK. I can beat this.
Elioinai Sep 2016
our minds spin off on their own little threads
run away to make their own sense
since I took this blue
I think my picture must be true
but I'll wait to see if it comes
cause the fake gold is my own and it usually knots
About which we love to dream
constructing our own little covers
Turn laughing to see what the Real has brought us
So different
So similar
So perfect and fine in the loveliest ways
what I wove would never have fit me
But You do
You are a surprise to me, what I pictured but what never imagined as well. You are more than I thought possible, your heart and mind are so much larger. It never entered my mind someone as amazing as you would love me.
Elioinai Aug 2016
Love explodes like little paint tubes
pressurized inside my heart
color shoots
and streaks
across all these walls and chambers
dripping down through all my veins
a rainbow stretched from chest to feet
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