Moving from zone to zone
My sense of home now
Carries your scent.
I walk along
The dimmed sun rays and
Find a new feeling in the morning dew.
A feeling unfamiliar, uncomfortable
Yet similar to the only thing
I’ve ever wanted sits with me
In the living room.

My feet remember the feeling of gravel,
Of jagged stone caught, scratching skin.
They recall carrying me along,
Fluttering freely with the wind at my back.
I've learned that
Love is like the loose gravel
That gets caught in between your toes.
It is the wind that pushes you along.
Other times it is like a vine
Intertwining with another in cosmic symbiosis.
Sometimes it is like cheap linen that bleeds
Its color when it is washed negligently.
Sometimes love crackles like a cat in your lap.
Sometimes love is a sleepless night.
Love is like drinking enough water
Before you fall asleep drunk.
It is also waking up with a permanent marker
On your face, because you fell asleep drunk.

Sometimes love is like plunging your feet
Deep into the soil.

But most importantly, love is close enough
To being led home safely by moonlight.

thunderstorm

tidal wave,
even

when our bodies
got too close for
comfort

close for comfort
too close for comfort,
in the good way

my hands around your waist
my stomach dropping
lower than my own

alien
but so natural
so natural you
felt it too, it's
natural you see

we weren't told to
we were guided
cosmically guided

you grabbed my hair
and grew close
I could feel your breath

I closed my eyes
and could weep
but smiled instead

slightly, but the
smile was real
my body was tingling

I felt woozy
I felt your heart beat
studied your waist line

and now I'm drinking
wine too quickly
wine from a box, wine strong

and you are as you were
undaunted and
ever constant

but these walls
are covered with
every
second

pictures and pictures
of those
dragging
moments

I need a cigarette

I think we should just
keep this whole thing professional

coming of age
is the phrase
that reads on the stone slab
above the lonely grave plot
that sits silently with
the wide-eyed ambition
you laid to rest,
limb by limb

it didn't go down easy
it never does

Gravity works in reverse,
while you choke the voice
in your heart,
indefinitely

growing up is the force
that carries down to dirt
the pure desire you harbored
the wishes you whispered

time passes through you
greedily carrying off
speckles of soul,
those precious crystals,
one and only fragmented
flames

nurtured regret will silently snicker

as nature inevitably
throws flowers upon the grave

just stay inside
we'll be alright
as long as you just
keep quiet

your rational reasonings
darkening
what little
light they bring

why won't you just leave it be?

you bound me in despair
to your will and body bare

I decided that's all that
happiness was

the choir is singing hallelujah, now.
my best isn't much but there's sweat on my brow. everything went wrong, everything goes wrong.

I'm in an irrational routine with these things. I write and sing and drive and act out of turn.
but there's something right about now

I like the sleepless nights
I feel free and alive
It's sweeter than bright
brighter than sweet

I feel I have a purpose
I feel in control of those
Opposing forces
the one guiding the wheel
the one gripping the pen,
covered in ink and dirt

I embrace it with whatever
parts of me I can muster

I become a different person

but this nirvana will end soon
there are other people I am
required to be at times, and
that time is now upon me

it all could be so easy and
I think it's becoming easier

and it all has come to this
poor working girls of the world

lethargic
psuedo sensual
gyrations
to appease
sleepless
pigs

my money is your aim
the way you whisper in my ear

and wherever your hands have
been
your touch is still
feminine

no mind games
no third dates
no humoring of parents

& you get to see it all

but it still has its price

there's no hiding the scar
and now we all know what you've done

and while you try to
tease
and please
i'd ask you up from your knees

and give you all ones you wanted
if you promised to spend it on your son

I tried to count all the times
I've ended up just like this

awake in the dark

& then I tried counting all the
times I've tried to do even that

but I lost count

I gave up
and once more I'll
rise with the sun,
soon to be wrapped
in the dark
yet again

and like countless times before
the cycle will continue

all those things I know
better than to attach
myself to, will sustain
weight on my mind

on and on it will go
until I've no desire to keep counting

That lamentation, as it was,
Heard for centuries above
Has told of the glory and the loss
Among the other needless costs

In it now I find a friend and foe
Here in the belly, the undertow,
The phantom crashes, deep bellows,
Fiery lights made palpable

A static tension in the air
Breeding pain, doubt and despair
Multiplies, exemplifies,
Heavy hearts and saddened eyes

But it's necessary for
Harboring coming downpour
Floods crashing through ***** streets
Wipe clean the mark of entitled feet

Rejuvenation in desolation

And when wandering your gardens
I stopped to appreciate every flower
You sang me along, flowers seemingly
Growing where you walked

Magnificence made my breathing heavy
I longed so very much to sing with you
But I could not breathe,
I could not make a sound

The rain is falling now
With arms full of tulips and the idea of you
I'm carried outside myself
By the scent still left in your wake

Intimacy in isolation

There is something to be gained
Sitting lonely in the rain

Wrapped within nature's grasp
Unifying present and past

I've now only in this weather
Visions of these gardens brought to wither

The vibrant mind of springtime
Knocked unconscious in the winter

Anywhere the sun leads you
The clouds are sure soon to follow

But you'll be far from daunted

There will be more gardening tomorrow

my footsteps
were met
with the echo
of my steps

figures
apparitions
lost souls

every corner
porch front
driveway

the moon frowned
or perhaps smiled
as I met its mood
eye to eye

dead end
dead friends
dead dreams

bad vibes
a bad time
waiting down the street

for me

pulling
somehow enchanting

demeaning
full of meaning

I stopped
I shook
I turned

and walked back toward the lights

Astronomical solitude

Pinpointing the proximity
Between you and everyone else

The biting cold the perfect compliment
To the warmth that never felt so lacking

It's the most lonely time of the year

your arms wrapped around
his neck
i want your tender hands
at my throat

these things cause
gravity to befall me
while you, falling,
float and float

my stomach drops
differently today
not to be confused
with the way i drowned
sorrow these past days

that's a rumble all its
own, a problem I'll
address when the only
one that matters
right now is subdued

my stomach hurts
differently today
i don't feel spurned
i don't feel good
& i'm trying to learn
what it is exactly
you're teaching me

the experience does
nothing for me
but leave me empty
hollowed, vulnerable
what is it exactly
you're teaching me?

i know only of the way
that my stomach,
drowned in the sorrows of
past days, drops
a little
differently today
it hurts a little
differently today

those nights still matter
who would have thought?
there was blooming flower
amongst the rot

who would have thought
you'd make your way
leading me along
the sweet decay

you were so serene
I don't know, I mean,
the whole scene seemed
ripped from that one good dream

I felt your body
I knew it's contours
I traced your silhouette
colored inwards & outwards

I miss that feeling
it was something else
I was okay with my place
amongst your shelf

from within your shelter
I so sensed your center
awed at flower-wrought archway
I craved to enter

intention never ever resembles
any mention of any pieces assembled
the fine lines I've acknowledged
I'm scanning within the middle

I've since longed to be with you
within you without you

i'm all sorts of inebriated
but you need to know something

i think i love you
and it's funny

i know nothing of you,
you're far above me

but i think about those
words you write,
every day
and every night

how do you do it, dear?
how do you make such
beauty so?

i read my tears
and fears and all

there on the page
in front of me

& your signature
is signed at the bottom

i know nothing of you
but i love you

and i would tell you if
i could

but i have nothing but
this mediocre chorus

drenched in the harmonies
of my heart and mind

and it will forever pale,
always fall short

you are a poet
i am a fraud

yet regardless,
i know only the shadow
of your profile,

& the singular
heart that colors
in the black &
white lines

regardless,
i love you so
and you need to know

still constantly trying
to find out if there is at all
more depth to
this mind of mine

this body
these fears
these vices

products of a
two dimensional way of life

the cause of constant
mortal strife

but I suppose if I
so
desperately want
to know

then there is hope for me yet

an ocean of being
that I float unconsciously above

driftwood that smiles

maybe there's hope for me yet

‪consciousness ‬
‪the chemical reaction ‬

‪the growing of trees ‬
‪and the silent cascade‬

‪of hardened browned‬
‪leaves, dropped to their knees

you feel disgusted with yourself
but in the eyes of the concrete
you are viewed as wholly reborn
there is an uncomfortable beauty
in every shape of the pain you feel
and it's all you've known, you see
barbed-wire for that safety net
a heavy head filled near the brim

but a soul exists within that form
separate of the tormented skin
the scratching & clawing within
there is an eternal essence of all
being, there is flawed divinity in you
one must stop and really breathe it

you've survived your mind, brother
of mine, and that alone is no small
feat, there's fear all around and it's
always drawing near, but you can
continue onward, you can still live.
at the end of it all, when you return
to the universe, you can at least
have with you in those final moments,
complete unity and understanding.
you can view the grand precipice of
your being with full awareness,
and that is yours. you take that with
you as you cross over, into eternity

anything
and
everything you
hear from my mouth
can be

credited to fear
and
cast aside

anything and everything
you hear from the
tips of my fingers
is a product of too much
thinking

and

too much wanting to
get
further

and



further away

and should all be kept to myself

that's how you came,
and that's how you'll be
paint on a canvas
wild, in front of me

mind clashing and
dancing, feelings
from up above, or
from the deepest dark
gutters of endless belows

you are something else
and I'm nothing of the sort
you'll have me in shackles
and bandages in short

but a bruised up
toothless smile
will rest
for a while

on the drifting
dreamer
Crawling for miles

protons smashing
mingling, mingling
Receiving

in space made
in randomness
and darnkess's embrace

but there's no sense to
make of what's happening
to me

I could go on
for hours
and you still wouldn't see

these things come from
nothing,
these things soon to be

from dimensions
unknown,
from foreign clearings

a fraction
of seconds
For fractured
Moments

suspended in
time
in existing randomness

we can't control
how we came to be

but it's your choice to
make,

it's up to you to hear me

The flickers of the
Eternal flame
Casts shadows on
The time constraints
Of some systematic
Mortal frame

Hunger pangs sing
At the communal table,
Sustenance flayed
In feast and famine
There is nothing
To sustain but
The feeling of the wind
On tired flesh

Flesh brimming with
The tepid waters
Of experience,
Rippling, rolling,
Until

The feeling of release,
The air sapped from
The bones of the
Weak and the rich
In delicate symphony

Igniting
Evaporating

The combustion
Of every musical note
A firestorm of
Crystallized tears
Turns the air to gold,
To blood, to ash

Night will always
Find us there,
Returned and familiar,
Shapeless and
Unafraid, crawling

Ever towards
The undertow,
The unfaltering
Flicker and glow

Traces eternity
In silence,

In starlight
We lay our burdens low

there is this car-

you know
4 wheels, 2 doors
Mercedes maybe?

and every time
I pass it by
I look twice

I think twice

and I know it
couldn't be you

But I've adopted
this new optimism
& new turbulence

maybe the world is magic
and the eastern plane true

there's fraction of chance
in a passing glance
my eyes will be reflecting you

maybe I'll see you again
and maybe I'm meant to be happy

perhaps this smile is genuine

And so, perhaps,
that is in fact your car

and maybe, in fact,
there is a pull between our hearts

the obvious tragedy
torment me torment me
light rain to torrent
puddle to sea
it lines up so
perfectly

these are just some
lines in place of those
I'd rather have led
up my nose
or is it lead?
oh well, who knows
there's sun draping
the flowers that grow

that is what should be
the focus now, those
flowers literally
let it resound
they reach pretty finger
into the ground
embrace the earth
let it resound

the goal is to rise far
above, the putrid petty
pushes and shoves
a pitying glance from
the woman you love
your pride, starved for
romance, worn like
a glove

it's reachable in some
context, though those
roads aren't
illuminated yet
but they lay still
tread-able and you
have able step
light your own way
illuminate yet

it's hard to convey
the meaning, of
this whole mess
feelings and things
I myself don't know
what good it brings
this whole mess
feelings and things

and just like that
it all came back
but it didn't hurt-
I was smiling, in fact

naivety
wishes and dreams

longing and lust
blind faith and trust

nature bleeding colors
incredible warmth

and still that
warmth of another

sent shivers
in sorts

though troubled
mind hardened

though heart
now near stone

sometimes I smile
when I am alone

it all sometimes
floods

avalanches
fall

mudslides &
quicksand

perilous waters
& all

just like that it
comes back

sometimes
I'm alone

but now I'm more
grounded

than I've ever known

just know my friend
I'm not here out of pity

you don't have to admit
that right now you're needing

I'm here for a reason
that exists separately

I've been around because
you've been there for me