sweet like
summer days//

love like
I can't betray//

gay like
a colorful parade//

brother like
my bestest mate//

When the stars dont shine

I'll know you're dead

When the grass in the prairies are yellow

I'll know you're dead

When the city lights dont catch my attention anymore

I'll know you're dead

When I dont see anymore blessings

I'll know you're dead

When the sun is the brightest thing I see in sight

I'll know you're dead because you're my light to my dark and cloudy days

When a guitars sound makes me sad everytime I hear it

I'll know you're dead

When I dont have a reason to wake up to

I'll know you're dead

When the night comes and there's no one to say "Goodnight I love you" to

I'll know you're dead

When I write you these poems
And read them to you

Dont be afraid

Because I love you and mean everything in them

You're alive, and God keeps blessing me everyday you're alive

Don't be afraid of anything, because I love you

You're alive

The night isn't so dark after all, and the dark isn't so scary after all

The sun isn't so bright after all

You're alive

I swear she onced laughed
I swear she was never last
Love inside of a flask that I couldn't open
We didn't mean it
I hope God means us
I hope a higher power even exist
Where do I go when things don't really last forever?
Making myself by self destruction
Letting go, letting go
I'll feel peace when I get rid of the memories
I'll feel peace when I know it's okay for things to not have meaning
I don't feel the way I write sometimes
Music changes feelings
Feelings change the vibe
The vibe sets the tone
The tone sets the love
The love makes you see your own written future
What is destiny?
I couldn't stand being associated with what I was with a few months ago
I hope your vision is changing
For the better
Talking to the wind like writing these unsent love letters

It was the blankness
I thought I was losing
I was really just memorizing
Look up baby girl, you're going to grow up soon
& you grow down once you feel the falseness
I wish you wasn't so lost in the reflection of insecurities
I wish you'd see your stretch marks as progression
Baby girl, you'll eventually die in a positive way
You're so universe
I wish you'd comeover on a day my mom works late
I hope you feel more than you think when your yellow becomes blue for a few moments
I'll be green, you'll be flexing that smile
Point your gun at what you can afford
Don't let your parents beliefs affect what you can be
Political talks, that's how you intimidate
I couldn't be hoping for more with you on earth
These bridges aren't worth much to me
This wood only wants to be in you
I hope you'd let me explore inside the lips
Don't let them tell you you're not good enough
Because you always were and the past forgives and strengthens
I'd close my eyes if I knew you'll be my first vision when I open them again
I was just learning myself throughout the way
And you was just waiting for me to pass the test
We dont have to talk through screens cause my lips are smooth during the times I know I'd see you, for you

along the shore line

divided love
lost trust

(it wasn't worth thinking at all)

for I have sinned upon myself, not god

wondering, the abstractions I face
everyday, without turning my face

stunt double

take my place, be here now

before I shoot my face

in the dark

how do you want me to run for the light when it's within?

(help me find the noose)
(internal dialogue I will not express)

**** my ego, tactics from the monks

help me understand where my thoughts generate

from where? (can I gps myself there?)

hanging on to my life, gripping a string of hair

but I might just use my weight to rip it

little to know
So much to assume
(You know what happens when that goes down)
Reflecting out the hues of blue
Embodied by the mental constructs coming out my ******* tube of lubed up thoughts I chose to pursue
with nothing to lose
So much to do
With no point
But a check mark in my list of “to do’s”
thoughts of you
I wish you weren’t so cute
Drowning in brews
Walking with no clue
When I finally know
I’ll remain aware of the cues
Facing a doom
A “SELF” to understand and diminish in the fleeing moments only awareness captures
The knowing essence

nothing to lose

With a mind glued to views untrue to me and you

when every moment is ANEW

We're so pure
For both of us
We're so internet sometimes
We're so awkward
We're so happy
We're so uncomfortable
We're so depressing
We're so 3 am
We're so God
We're so Lucifer
We're so heaven and hell
We're so us
We're so everything
We're so hard
We're so soft
We're so John Lennon
We're so drugs
We're so fine
We're so stupid
We're so random
We're so double faced when it comes to certain things
These **** boys watching **** and we're so daring to try new things
We're so capable
We're so universal
We're so ***
We're so contradictory


Only at times.

thinking about what to write..... *idea hits

& she looked so amazing walking out of her house with the beige dress I had bought her for her birthday the month before.
“Hey my handsome prince, where are we going today?” she said.
“Well my love, for our anniversary we will be planning out our dream date together… how does that sound?”
“You always have the best ideas, lets go to “the spot” and write the ideas down…… but first, can we stop by a 711? You know how we get when we’re on high caffeine and full of ideas. I feel like we deliver them more properly, plus I just woke up an hour ago so I could use it”
“Sure thing babe.”

I always wondered how she could say the right things at the wrong times… although all went bad, her words always picked my knees up from the ground when I took the wrong turn.

At this time, I don’t think I’m at my best, but I know that if I lead the road while holding her hand, she’ll know exactly where to turn when I swerve off road.

This moment is special and I’m currently watching her move her head around to our favorite song on the train going to Pearl.

May 27, 2015// WHY DOES THIS GIRL ADD SO MUCH ******* CREAMER IN HER COFFEE *** SHE IS GOING TO DIE OF OVER CREAMING…. THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE AND IT ALMOST SOUNDS WRONG… DAVID YOU’RE WEIRD… 2:04 Pm.

-David Bojay

I could see the places we were passing on the train from the reflection in her eyes. I never thought I could see the world in someone’s eyes. I can feel the tilt of the earth when she changes emotion and her eyes change in shape.

“Dream Date List // May 27, 2015”

1. Go to Downtown Dallas
2. Art museum
3. Ice cream trucks
4. Meditate at Klyde Warren in the middle of the field
5. Go for a walk Downtown and try to get on rooftops
6. Get on green lane and go to Deep Ellum to get serious pizza

“Babe are we almost there? I forgot where the stop was..”
“Yes my princess, we’re almost there”
“I’m so ******* hyped dude ***, I like how I can call you dude and feel comfortable like… dude….dude… dude dude dude nothing can tear us apart dude. I love you dude. **** too bomb dude. Dude you’re daddy as ****. Dude. Dude…. See? Our bond is one of a kind and we’re both kind of crazy. I wonder where we’ll be in 5 years”

“To be honest, we’ll probably be in a loft in New York doing a lot of drugs and on Spotify. That would be “goals as ****” don’t you think?”

“Boy hell nah you got me ****** up we are both going to work and make that mullah baby!”

Nothing could crack our humor.

2:54 Pm, May 27, 2015

DAVID DUDE, YOU MADE IT WITH THIS GIRL YOU LOVE… SOMEONE CAN HANDLE YOUR CRAZINESS.. DUDE WHAT THE ****… SHE’S LIKE….. LSD??? CLOSE. WAIT… NO… SHE CAN’T BE COMPARED.. **** I’M SO YOUNG, AND SHE IS TOO. THERE’S SO MUCH MORE TO EVERYTHING….
ART
MEDITATION
WATER
ENERGY
BREATHING
PROTEIN BECAUSE GAINZ AS ****
BOOKS
CONSCIOUSNESS
QUANTUM PHYSICS
PSYCHOLOGY
MONEY (**** THAT)
PASSION
NATURE

THERE’S SO MUCH MORE TO ALL THAT, I AM ONLY 17 AND SHE IS TOO

-David Bojay


We stepped out the train and I had waited for her to get out first because my mom always told me to always let the lady go first…. and so I did.

“You hungry?” I asked
“Not really… but I will be after we smoke this..”
“Did you really just…. you know us so well it’s almost kind of alien of you.”

We were walking towards the elevator and I was talking about how I was about to ******* the other night to the thought of her grabbing my **** at my old church while everyone was praying… we both worked a different way and we thought the idea was…. doable.

lights blunt
“It’s funny how we’re so annoying to each other yet we can’t get enough of eachother… I guess you the one huh?”
“David, to be honest… you’re too much for me sometimes… but holy **** I always want you around…. you’re such a sick ****.”

starts to laugh

“Dude… babe… do you feel that? I THINK THOSE ARE FEELINGS I FEEL TOWARDS YOU AYYYY”
“You’re ******* lame” HAHAHA.
“Come here..”
smack smack muah muah **
“Ugh you always kiss me at the wrong times… I ALWAYS GET WET AT THE WRONG PLACES… SEE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY YOU BEING A SICK ****”

Time goes by so fast when you want it to last forever. Whenever something feels so good, the impossible is wished and you want the delusion of “forever” to be actualized.

“Remember that time you told me I could never be able to make you *** in under a minute?”
“Uhmm yes… you can’t…”
puts hand under my pants
begins to stroke aggressively

The view was breath taking… or was she just taking my breath away.
“The Reunion Tower is so small compared to the others, but I guess it has a better view?” I thought to myself while she was jacking me off.

“TOLD YOU I COULD HAAAAA, YOU OWE ME HEAD NOW”

“*** I DIDN’T EVEN FEEL IT COME OUT WHAT THE ****…. MY **** NUMB”

3:48pm, May 27, 2015

YOUR PAIN IS MINE NOOOOOOW
THIS SONG IS SO GREAT
WE ARE SO CLOSE
WE ARE ON EARTH
GROUNDED
WE ARE HERE
TODAY
RIGHT NOW
LOOKING AT CIVILIZATION IN “MODERN IN TIMES”
IN 20 YEARS THIS WILL BE SO OLD
TECHNOLOGY IS ADVANCING SO FAST FOR HUMANS TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THIS
WHY ARE THEY KILLING SO MANY TREES
MAYBE PEOPLE LIVED LONGER BACK THEN BECAUSE THEY HAD MORE OXYGEN TO BREATHE
MAYBE OXYGEN IS LIMITED TO EVERY INDIVIDUAL AND SOME OF US JUST TAKE DEEPER BREATHS AND THAT’S HOW WE DIE YOUNGER
I DOUBT IT BUT ****… I’D BE DEAD AS **** ALREADY BECAUSE MEDITATION
WE ARE HERE
IN THE NOW
WHICH IS TECHNICALLY THE PAST NOW
NOW
NOW
NOW
TIME IS…. I DON’T EVEN KNOW

-David Bojay

Walking towards the art museum, we had talked about how men are just like animals, they target women with big *** and *******. We share information like if we were Gods communicating.
In my opinion, we are Gods… we are put in a person's life at a certain “time” and we deliver messages from a higher consciousness to them and they do the same. I think it’s fate, we need eachother. We need to communicate.

“David, throughout all the fights…. I ******* love you so ******* much and I appreciate you so much for listening…. I’m trying to tell you how I feel when you already know, I just thought it’d be romantic…. I’m such a fool for you… in the gayest way possible.”

I looked at her and smiled… she already knew what I was saying. It’s like if we could communicate with our eyes.
As we walked into the art museum, we noticed everything was so productive. The art spoke to us in a language on our eyes could try to understand and our minds could read if we really looked at it.

“Do you think it’s possible to understand art David?”

“Art is like a human, it never really stops changing. It renews itself like how our cells do. It has purpose, and that is to keep the world alive. To make life worth it in the moment, and the moments gather and moments put together is called “LIFE”. I think. Art is every subject you know blended into one. It can only be understood if you choose to box it in a place where it can’t breathe. Let it breathe. Let it flow through your mind like how blood flows through your veins.”

Every painting spoke to our minds and the more we observed, the more our minds opened and let the angels and demons of the art dimension live in our heads.

“I’m getting pretty hungry now?”

“Pizza my love?”

“Yes please.” **holds hand

// 4 minutes until green lane arrives //

“You guys happen to have any spare change? I’m just trying to get something to eat, I’ve been out here sin..”
“Look man, I don’t really care about your ******* story, I don’t believe it.”

Nobody needs to explain anything if they need it that bad, it’s yes or no and if they do explain, they’re lying to you.

Arrives at Serious Pizza

“What would you like darling? Anything you want, I got you.”

“Oooooook mister big ballah.”

“Shiiiiiet you already know.”

As we were eating, I noticed how unafraid we were to eat infront of eachother. The days, people are so afraid to be themselves and act scared because they’re afraid they won’t be accepted by how they really are. You have to find comfort within yourself before anything.

“Are you full yet?”

“Yeah I’m pretty ******* full, you want to head back to the park and chill?”

“Yes, plus we still have to meditate over there remember?”

“Oh yeah, well let’s dip.”

As we get to the park we find a spot and just sit for a while without saying a word. Sometimes silence is needed when the world around you is being noisy.

“Cross your legs and close your eyes, remember not to name the sounds you hear and to just let every emotion settle in, let it sink, and let it go. Practice your deeper insight and just relax.”

During meditation, being comfortable is key because if something is bothering you, the practice will be interrupted.

// 20 minutes pass //

“We’re so small, but it’s crazy how you and I are the change.”

Our conversations really put us in the right mindstate and that’s what made our spiritual sides really connect. We are one and together pain is numb.

phone rings

“David my mom said I have to go home….”

“Already?”

“I know babe… sorry. We’ll schedule something this week for sure.”

Getting on the train we both realized how tired we were and how the high wore off.

Together our love could break barriers, they might as well not even exist. Barriers are just limits created by someone who was too afraid to give it their all… to unleash their full potential.

“Hey, want to read a poem I wrote for you?”

“Why would you even ask?”

“Ok here we go, I’m still not finished but you’ll get it…”

“The world is there for you
My arms are open
These envelopes are yet to be sent
When the leaves fall don't change your mood
You've been one since the start
Don't die on yourself over someone or a situation you can control
Your strength is the equivalent of that of a bull
Love will come and go
But self love stays and I hope you love yourself just as much as you dream a guy will love you as much as I did
Look at the waves clashing for you
Admire the sky that's falling for you
******* yourself for the eyes on you
But stay strong for they are not all pure intentions
Feel free to test but not enough to cause relations“

“ I want you to know that your words are imprinted in the deepest parts of my heart and that they’ll remain there for the rest of my life my love, we will prosper through the thick and through the thin of this life we judge so much when we try to understand it. David I love you so much and I hope you never forget that.”

“ I won’t princess, I promise you that I won’t.”

silence for the rest of the train ride

7:57 Pm, May 27, 2015

TODAY WAS ******* GREAT
DAVID
YOU ARE IN LOVE
HOW DOES THAT FEEL
HOW DOES IT FEEL HUH?
YOU ARE 17
YOU ARE A DREAMER
YOUR DREAM CAME TRUE
I’M WATCHING HER SLEEP RIGHT NOW AND IT FEELS LIKE IF I’M IN A MOVIE

OKAY WE’RE ALMOST HOME…

-David Bojay

“Wake up baby, we’re here.”

“Dude I’m so glad we’re home, I’m tired as ****.”

“Tell me about it… get up… the doors are opening.”
We were holding hands on the way to the car and telling each other jokes, time finally felt still.
The sun was close to setting so we sat on the curb and just watched the sky sink into the ground… at least that’s how it looked like from a distance.

We stood up and walked to the car, I opened her door and let her sit down before I shut the door.

I stood there for 3 seconds looking at her through the window… she blew me a kiss and I stood there and smiled.

Walking towards my door I had to face the truth… I opened the door….


the seat was empty, my heart was too.
I hope she’s resting easy.
I hope her spirit was with me today, I knew it was.
The delusion felt so real, so so real.
My mind sees what it wants, I talk to the air as if it was you.
I spread my love, as if you were there to grasp it.
I hope you know I miss you, so so much.
I don’t know where I’ve been, and I don’t know what I’ve been getting myself into.
Your ghost is so beautiful.
I wish you were alive to celebrate our anniversary.
We did everything you wanted to do…. I mean… I did everything you wanted to do on our anniversary.
Today was in memory of you my darling, I’ll prosper if you guide me.
I’m really good at pretending you’re alive, I wish it wasn’t all just an illusion, I wish I wasn’t so ******* crazy.
I wish you would’ve never ******* died.
I’m dead inside, but my breathing is split in half so we can share my life.
I hope I prosper.
Why did you have to leave?
I miss you.
Baby.
Dude.
Whenever you decide to come back, I’ll be waiting and we’ll relive today… forreal this time.

8:23, May 27, 2015

DAVID
YOU’RE SHAKING WHILE YOU ARE WRITING THIS
YOU ARE CRYING
YOU ARE CONSCIOUS
YOU ARE ALIVE
SHE IS PASSED
DAVID
WHY ARE YOU SO CRAZY
YOU SEE HER AND SHE’S DEAD
SNAP OUT OF IT DUDE
I CAN’T MAN
DUDE
PLEASE
NO
I CAN’T
DAAAVVVIIID
PLEASE STOP CRYING
THIS SHEET IS GETTING WET
DAVID
I THINK YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND GET SOME SLEEP
DAVID
YOU WILL BE OKAY
YOU WILL PROSPER MAN DON’T GIVE UP
PLEASE… DON’T

- David Bojay




I love you so much.

the morning

my breath reeks

the coffee is being consumed

the day started inside of my head when i first opened my boogery eyes

this environment is different

a chance for a better represented now, alone

in the name of progression

hey,


I've been away
Living but no decay
Don't worry I haven't been away
From here, so to say
I found out I was half gay
But that just makes me happy

I'm going to pop my website off

under something else

She's loose, sorry
I had to buy her a belt

The tongue makes it tingle

How do you sit while reaching out aboce your ocean of tears?
The water keeps overflowing, but you are not moving
The question is not why you cry
but why you sit criss-cross with your head down with not a will in the world to even think
I fear not seeing you on the other side
Don'y fall behind
You are by me, girl
In this world, the people hate and the animals listen
The eyes of millions fall in comfort when they lie
The eyes of millions cry when their lovers lie
This has no point
The moment called for this
I expressed and delivered, this way
I chose to type these words, letters...language....to explain how I see... how I feel

The format doesn't make sense

I'm trying, you should too

Barely

naked on the edge of my bed

away from what makes me feel on the (edge)

but it's what helps me sleep
              (in the deep)

Talking to my GoPro as if it were you
Current truths
Diminish the whirling blues
inside my head where you don’t have a clue

out the zoo with my emotions
In the beginning eased it with some sleep
Because I couldn’t see the reasons for my grief
Out the shadows and the light is brief
What to think?
What to know?

The tension is rigorous
Kept inside a pin
Let it sit and sizzle until it’s smoke

Open the vents, and let it go

To seize a chance for peace
Dismantle the layers of myself
Find you in a strip
A memory I’ll always love
My love just don’t lose grip

But to love is to see you free
A peak I couldn’t see
Relief indeed
Let it bleed
Let it bleed

Let it bleed

Consume the dooms
Swallow the distrust
The other side of the moon

The ending will come soon

Sitting in my room

About to make some chicken....

flying by busy school weeks
periods of stress
overthinking my time to make things
just sit and do
nothing else
my phone rings for plans but I'm here
typing **** up
learning chords
a vision that never gets bored

gulping unprescribed vyvanse, to focus on material mind deceiving things on social media to see what all the fuss is about

social media is a place for the "malaventurados" locked in screens, purposely

why are they scared to explore the wilderness

be one with  nature, breathe the air people from a million years ago were breathing, breathe the same air dinosaurs were breathing if you believe in that prehistoric timeline

isn't it great?

we're jailed in technology, in "innovation", in "better solutions to meet new requirements"

we're walking on innovative grids thinking it's okay to cherish the unrealistic programmed websites made by those who weren't saved in time

exploring the internet, is like exploring ways to lose the key to freedom, to lose the key to the feel of soft grass on your feet, to lose the
to key to the feel of air brushing against your skin

be one with the air Adam breathed
be one with the good and evil
be one with the sun that looked over at Jesus Christ when he was being crucified
be one with the God you believe in that loves you as much as Cane hated Abel
be one with the earth, because today is a new chapter in the earths rotation
today's a new series of self made bibles for artists to grasp, and paint on a smooth textured canvas
today's a new TV show for poets to emulate in sentences along with metaphors, comparing love to pain

be one with what's been here for you all along, from the ocean that's plentiful with everything you need to be happy

mother, you have a son who daydreams about flying away into the sky the color of cantaloupe rind
mother, you have a son that believes the world is full of love and black magic
I shake during the night to the thought of birds falling from the sky
I shake during the day to the thought of clarity means
We're walking together, with belief or not
With our heads held low and weep to memory streams
Mother, my wake up call was 4 years ago
Mother, im shaking so much right now
Mother, its 2:13 and I might not be home tomorrow morning
Mother its 3:18 am, and I came back
Mother I'll never leave you, ever
Mother im sorry for not being what you wished for
Mother, im sorry my breath smells like cigarettes
Mother, I love you

I read once that sleep helps the brain regulate the metabolism. I never paid much attention to informational possible life changing books; I guess that’s why I have the lungs of an 80 year old nicotine addict. It’s 1/16/14, 6:56 pm. My mother used to tell me that whatever bad habits I did, would affect my future greatly, I guess that’s why I can’t last two laps on the track without breathing heavily. I guess that’s why I’m afraid to approach people face to face because I’m scared my tobacco scented breathe will push them away. When I was growing up I wasn’t always aware of problem solving methods, so I wouldn’t over think and wouldn’t care about it, now I do, things were better back then. I should stop smoking cigarettes, it’s affecting my running.

It is now 5/18/14, I still run like I’m a 5 year old uncontrollable child

http://noheartonlymind.com/store/

I came out with a little pdf file book that costs $8, I'm saving up for college and I figured I'd sell 60 poems and some art work to spread my thoughts and ideas.

where's the indicator?
where is it shown?

(the will to write is lessenening)

hugging what is seen
throwing up what's beyond there

a walk to my car
eternity somewhere else
my leg is hurt
i can't go to the gym
my pax is being reloaded
some pounds are being added

tonight i seek my vengeance
the little things that makes me "feel" like a hero
i shouldn't restrict this type of writing
this is meditation
this is clearing
and being comfortable with what's inside

end the streak
beat the beat
no hide and seek
just face the fear and greet

300 mg's
(get me started with initiation)

the fire is burning within, I feel you

if you asked me how I was
too much to discuss
change
**** I can't trust
myself until I rust
no need to rush
it comes
layers of colors you can't see
but "feel"
only to know, there's something else
beyond a thought
something to experience
underneath the tension, the ease
underneath my mentions, girls I can't please
beyond my comprehension, a girl that broke me into ******* pieces

I left you because I couldn't even deal with myself
I guess it's because I helped you forget about what you really felt
Introspect so you could dwell
Spiritual healing, no need to reach a psychiatrist for help
Unlocking ourselves from these media cells
At the moment I see it in your walk that you're full of misery
Just cause I don't miss you doesn't mean I don't wish you well
In time you'll realize, everyone has been God
Visions from the past, weary brain
Timid dreams troubled teens 17 but living kings in this vivid theme
Afraid of the risks
Don't be like her
It's all a blur
Don't clear it up
Diseased since birth
It's not your fault
When it hurts let it burn
Keep going and never turn
Keep what you see and feel to learn

there's nothing to worry about

no images on the screen to mind

realizations before mindless

dissolution

collapsing of all that's around me, including my "self"

no moments to be thought of

no future to await

practicing letting go

noticing a thought

peeling the layers


experiencing the core of it all


this

formless

the ducks observe me while i roll a dutchie//
the wind interrupts my concentration//
i stop//
listen to the children playing out in the distant playground//
"tag, you're it"//
i begin to imagine small spaces with everything going on inside of them//
inside of this neighborhood, a world unknown to me//
a house with undocumented people//
an alley where you meet your drug dealer//
i go through a secret opening to the creek beneath a bridge//
with ease, i walk, and walk//
think about my mom, my brother, my sister, and my dad//
their actions have influenced my subconscious//
and i somehow respond to their doings, without knowing how it derives into existence//
my words will crumble on paper, my words deleted from the internet//
i will die, knowing i love a girl named sabrina//
knowing my ex girlfriend deserved more than the egocentric boy i was at 16//
my friend dakota from timberlawn mental hospital never emailed me to say he was out, i think he's dead//
i've grown out of this notion of expression//
at least, i thought i did//
but i had to step back from it, for a little//
i was traveling, stoping and observing ideas i could execute//
im making visuals filled with visions that take action and precision//
im loving til i can't//
im regretting thinking i'm scared to not give it my all//
my coffee hasn't been downed//
when i was 6 i nearly drowned//
everything around me could've changed//
denisse would've had more hope for men//
gabby could've ended her madness, but for her, thoughts always came crawling back//
i would've missed out on meeting sabrina//
sometimes i think, of the possibilites and of the probability//
something i empty my mind and sit, in the stillness of the universe//
billions of years ago, it was here, and i was nowhere to be thought of, nowhere to exist, nowhere to be//
my moments will be impacted with self-will//
my coffee is getting cold.....

*gulp

the clouds have moved

the sun is strong

my love for you continues on

changes made

let it marinate

contemplating less as of late

waking up next to you is great

and my words are limited

like life in creek for a little fishy

you have the people that appreciate too late
sometimes
(like me)
you have the ones that appreciate because of what they don't have
you have the ones that don't know what to do
you have the ones that wander inside their useful thoughts they don't know how to apply (but for what)

(i stole my soul back from the evil that once generated my actions)
i want my moments back

reflections to persevere

i want my mom to trust me again
but i can't seem to find bothersome in letting go of what I say
truth seems so close to me, but far from others
(because experiences are different)

i wonder if that girl I met knows her boyfriend begged me to tell her about him even though his mind is garbage

but i'm egoic for saying that, but it's the youthful truth that seduces my existence to fail universally

eating chicken, drinking water

please don't bother         (i need to make more sense)

WE'RE SO INCLINED
REALIZE IT
YOU'RE IT
YOU'RE HERE
PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN
BREATHE AND LISTEN
FEEL YOUR SURROUNDINGS
I'M SO PASSIONATE
IF THERE'S A WILL THERE'S A WAY
ABOUT EVERYTHING AROUND
WHAT I CAN FEEL AND CONTROL
THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO EVERYTHING
YOU ARE YOUR OWN DESTINY IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
DON'T BE TRAPPED IN THIS HOLE OF ADVERTISEMENT
THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO YOUR EXISTENCE I PROMISE
ASK ME WHAT'S ON MY MIND SO WE CAN PROGRESS DON'T BE WEIRDED OUT BY IT
ANSWER ME HONESTLY
TELL ME
BE HONEST WITH ME AND YOURSELF
**** GOES DOWN BUT IT'S SO POSITIVE
IT'S SUCH A LESSON TO LEARN FROM
MOVE FORWARD
DON'T SETTLE
I'M SO INTO EVERYTHING TO BACK DOWN
I CAN'T BE STUCK
APPRECIATE
THIS IS EARTH
WE'RE HERE FOR A LITTLE WHILE
BUT FOREVER KEEPS THE VIBE GOING
IF THERE'S NOT A FOREVER WE STOP TRYING
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DELUSION
LET'S KEEP IT GOING
SPREAD LOVE AND GO WITH WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE IN AND ACHIEVE IT BECAUSE YOU WANT IT SO BAD
I WANT TO BE THE BEST
THE WEIRD IS SO YOU
"WHAT'S ON YOUR ******* MIND?"
IT'S SO SAD HOW PEOPLE THINK IT'S A WEIRD QUESTION
I CARE, I WANT TO LEARN ABOUT YOU TO CHANGE PERSPECTIVE
IT'S BAD THAT I THINK IT'S SAD
BUT THE TRUTH HURTS
YOU ARE NATURE
IT'S ALL AROUND YOU
BE WITHIN YOU
THE WIND AND THE TREES
THIS HAS BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG
ON EARTH
THIS IS OUR HOME
DON'T GLUE YOURSELF TO A SCREEN
GET OUT THERE AND BE ONE WITH WHAT'S BEEN THERE SINCE THE START
WHY ARE WE SO INSIDE THIS BUBBLE OF JUST MONEY
THAT'S NOT FULFILMENT
YOU KNOW THAT
SPREAD YOUR PURE NATURE
NOT FOR THE MONEY
DON'T LET IT CONTROL YOU

my father used to play the guitar and my mother got tricked into delivering drugs to the u.s.a
im confused from who im destined to be, i doubt I'll inherit anything
so far both of my parents think im weird
i guess its the way i sit in my backyard, and paint the sky with hand motions,  
i guess its the way i lock myself in my room because company distracts me
i guess its the way they conceive my actions as,
i guess its because i never tell them where i go when im out for 3-5 hours on my bike              
i guess its because i like to spend all night awake just to have alone time
its funny how my parents haven't noticed i do such things, to make them proud
are my paintings a little too colorful for your vision?
is my form of writing a little too misunderstanding?
or are you just not as open minded to things
i look back at both of your pasts and feel misery
hoping your child will make you happy
mother, father, you've created a regretful blessing
mother, father, you've created a so called scumbag artist who only cares in pleasing people and his cannabis strands
mother, father, your son is sick of being called crazy at home
mother, father, your son can't tell both of you anything without being judged
mother, father protect me from the kids at school who call me weird, the wound is deep enough

Being able to exterminate but knowing how to control the fire
Being able to let go unconsciously
There's more to what we see
There's more to labeling
It's not just pain
It's not just happiness
It's freedom within
Being able to handle without thinking of how to control
Being able to forgive when the lions are eating your family members
The more aesthetic you are, the more "****** up" you can be
Or the more YOU you can be
Freedom
"Losing all hope was freedom" -Andrew Hales
So profound
The more you grow, the more accepting you are of what's to come.... even if it's death
Living spontaneously because overthinking is pain you control
The more you love, the deadlier you are to the "enemy"
But it's honest
If the future was written I'd fight the present and alter it's vision
What I'm saying now goes beyond being controlled
The more you fight the more freedom you have with the self
Balance and create
Peace in pain
Shift gears and go a different route
Ego death to defeat "yourself" to see yourself in a true color
Chances are given and not taking them is the same as not existing
Broke barriers and saw myself naked and vulnerable
Accepted myself for what I was and didn't take **** from others
Showed loved and confusion drove them insane.... anger builds within their souls and I just wanted to release anger in a love form
"Become the better version of yourself" -Elliot Hulse
I'm not close to my prime
With every profound moment that passes I start to cry
My phone is dry, but my heart is an ocean of opportunity within
Welcome to your real mind where being free with thoughts isn't a crime
The world is in you, don't let fear control your life
Here's the thing, I'll only grow and grow.... and grow even more
Consciously and physically
Focus on the self
We'll die fulfilled and the mind will be filled with wealth
You'll be prepared for anything
Control is in your hands
You are not a character
Fight for freedom within
It'll slowly fade and strip down
Again, I'm not even in my prime
"I'm only human" there's no excuse
Capable of so much, watch and learn
Do everything you want to do, because death doesn't give you second chances
Live, don't just exist
Take the risk
We try to put a title to everything and it goes beyond what the word means
If you found out your life was being controlled by another type of being would you fight it?
Would you end it?
Find cheats to be free?
If you found out earth was just a grid and your consciousness was based on experience, would explore?
Would you fight what controlled you in order to live free?
Self love will cause them pain
Realizing your worth would trouble their control
Suicide will only please them
You are more than just a character in a game
So fight and release your inner insane

The future, we fell out
Like how did we grow apart
Like how do we forget our childhood
I'm building a still with bare hands
I wish glue could fix us
This time has been remotely mild
Our anthem was the cheers from away
WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME
YOU DIED ON ME
YOU'RE DYING IN ME
Like I don't want a lung to fail on me thats what you are to me
A reason to live, another soul that keeps another one alive
Why did you leave me
My time is wasted if you're not on my clock
LOOK AT THESE TEARS LOOK AT THESE LETTERS I TRIED SENDING YOU
YOU DIED ON ME, YOU JOHN LENNONED ME
My feelings were like rust and you were the magic that made them gold again

where do i go/
what do I know/
tension sizzles, even in the snow/
bottom of the pit/
I express it with the synths/
or in writtens that I think/
(I'll leave when I finish my ******* drink)/
I cant talk to you so I write it down in ink/
(is this really all in sync, my perception of reality down the sink)/
some conceptions I can't link/
(out and about, my gar do carry stink)/
the music keeps playing/
In a loop where the soul seems to be decaying/
my way out is said without saying/
bathing in the what if’s I forgot to regret/
in the end, no time to sever/
all in one, an experience at my favor/
live and learn, apply my mind after the awareness lessens the subtle trouble deep within what makes my soul quaver/
my dear, all that may be clear, may appear to be something sincere/
(no fear, the impact is severe, it’s ok to be a little queer)

a boat in the empty sea

lonely and free

too many beliefs, but nothing to preach

creating what I seek

focusing on me, and they see me as bleak

but do understand, I have to be carefree

(sensitivity kills me)

staggering memory

catch a thought to avoid the misery

asmr videos to sleep in tranquility

losing my sense of self

(not all that bad)

inflicted abilities

to see beyond the people that leave

accepting for the ease

aware of the problems and successes that I must seize

he stumbled into a hurricane of thoughts

twisting his brain, making him fly away from what

(really)
                        (is)

away from truth

seduced by that dude

that I can't face

**breaks the mirror

gets up from chair, and breathes in deeply

     people are made up of so many things, it's amazing

     1. Oxygen
     2. Carbon
     3. Hydrogen
     4. Nitrogen
     5. Calcium
     6. Phosphorus
     7. Potassium
     8. Sulfur
     9. Sodium
    10. Magnesium

  i guess paying attention in biology did pay off

    i remember when i was 11 years old my brother showed me a movie clip where Charlie Chaplin spoke in-front of tons of people

  he said "we think too much and feel too little".... i finally understand

and if you feel sad, i hope you can find a therapist, or i hope you can afford a 12 pack of beer at the liquor store to ease what you feel right then


  *walks out the house

                       looks around and smiles

i found hope on the corner of arapaho and shiloh, it was 7:32 pm, i remember because i texted myself saying "dude you're finally happy"

no more desires of being dead ever came to mind

   i found out what a man i can be if i pushed myself and loved without regretting, without being scared of falling for things for the wrong reasons

i found out to learn everything and grasp whatever came my way even if it brought me to my knees

   i'm going to die fulfilled


                         i feel like rhyming, sorry, i'm not a good rhymer, but here i go....


          garden of green leaves
               glistening tress
   scented hives, buzzing bees
               we lie under shaded trees
    we pray to who we're afraid to deceive
             if we do, we rot even if we pleaded on our knees
    summer breeze, ******* and THC
            don't leave
  addictions are hard to let go when i love you like grinded holy mary ****
        


   i'm not a good rhymer, i think the song that goes like "versace versace versace versace versace"

was better than what i just w. r. o. t. e.

    haha.


   it's getting dark, i need to go to sleep

*turns off light

Televising lies and I'm here painting a truth that won't be documented for people
My words aren't going to go that far
Who knows, a thousand years from now people will be looking at the stuff us writers write on this website and see it as an old testament
We're so in it and we don't even notice it
It was always about letting go of right or wrong
It was always about following your senses because they were mine
Yours
We ran on us
We ran on us
We ran on us
WE RUN ON US
On our delusions
On ourselves
Our love
Our will
Our God
Our us