there's always something to do

we even have to do the sleep

we live, doing things

always

doing your everyday
doing your "self"
doing your mind

I wonder

if nothing was mine, then would I have to die?

because the spirit is timeless

and doing....always requires time

im in love with a girl who shakes her head with a cute sigh and smile when i tell her something nice
im in love with a girl who wears cosby knitted sweaters, and responds to my utter nonsense i tend to say
im in love with a girl who makes any destination easy to reach if you hold her hand tight enough
im in love with a girl who i wouldn't mind skydiving with
mother, im in love with a girl who doesn't believe in what you believe in
im in love with a girl that makes me question if aliens are real or not
i used to be so sure of things, now im not
and im most grateful to be part of such an insight of things
im in love with a girl who is anything but a common misconception
im in love with a girl who should smile more often to brighten the days of others, because it brightens mine
im in love with a girl who has her happiness scattered like raindrops on a car window
im in love with a girl who I've adored since the 8th grade
im in love with a girl who puts my ****** bones to work when i smile
im in love with a girl who ive always been proud of  standing next to
im in love with the girl who wears doc martens boots and has the eye brows of a model
im in love with a girl named Denisse

too many lies have made me blind

i'm just trying to make myself feel and be better, but i wasn't a great partner.. always two sides to the story

she pointed out things i already knew about myself, i'm not perfect but i try to be patient with myself... if I could I would've rushed the process

i'm worth it, yes... i think... but sometimes it doesn't feel like i'm worth my next breath of air

i've always had an issue with that until it backfired, one bullet turns into 100

right at me, if they were real i wouldn't try to dodge

questioning the "logic" behind these emotions

imaginary weight? but it's dragging me down before the sun rises again

i don't have anything to believe in, i'm not the one for her... is what she's decided

nothing is right for me... after endless mental agony

facts don't make me feel better, but it's good to be honest

always better to be honest... things are **** at the moment

there's nothing to do but live through it again

i was... dumb to think otherwise

they say to step away at first sign, but you always want to try to fight it

for the sake of making things work, even if they don't

i've given up plenty of times, this time it feels like i shouldn't again

when i should, again

here it comes

i get it, i get it

ahhhhhhhhhhh

yes i'm flawed... i know... i'm still... growing eww

sooner or later

"just let her go"

it's so simple... she's vanished

and it wasn't meant to be, but i thought she was the one to settle down with afterall

she's hung up on an image, multiples

if it makes me feel better, believe it

she just wasn't into me

just focus.. on living, not just exisiting

imagine loving someone that doesn't love you back

thinking about a certain future that's been taken away


my mind is lost right now.... i'll let it run for a bit until i can catch upppp


dreams unlived


i dreamt about our kids last night and I forgot to tell you


an ending with too many photos to feel alive to

My lungs have been damaged and now they're the color of how I like my coffee
Black

I stopped thinking about which tree I wanted to hang from
But I still think about it, and it'll haunt me for a while
I'd picture myself getting praised, while dead
Looking down with no stare
I'll feel significant above others
Just a few feet above the ground could change my view
But it'll be too late
Imagine running in heaven and falling in love with the devil
Would you do anything for your love
Would you walk downstairs for a kiss
I'm looking at this board in my room and it says "life is good"
Thats contradictory to a kid who smokes *** and who's mom thinks he's a Christian
Maybe God gave up on me
Wouldn't you **** yourself if the person you loved the most stopped loving you?
Question after question
Thoughts turn into shots to the head
Its 4:31 and this cigarette is burning out beside the church by my house
Holy smokes
I need to go home, it's cold
Plus I think there's pizza at home, I think
Later

there was never anything to believe in to begin with
my faith is a delusion
visions to erase
my mind distraught and at ease
deep confusion
here I am again, sulking in this great despair
in my dream we named her Adela, and I remembered a reality before that
Imagine dreaming of a daughter unborn…
visions of her crying in your stomach… to feel that… to feel it all
Part of me remembered that I discussed that with you (my love)
A glimpse of her face
My universe changed, it’s always too good to be true…
my longing resurfaces when I browse through our photos, a broken journey
I never feared loving too much
Give myself away to see this through
Give myself away through honesty
Repercussions out of thin air
Dreaming with you always
Don’t want the memories to fade away
I want to remember what it feels to watch you enjoy a meal, sweet little moments that help me sleep
I don’t want to forget, but I can’t take it
Crippling sensations
It’s been a long day, it’ll be a long week…
Month… year… shattered dreams
My imagination runs wild when I think of the possibility of us…
Intentions gone to waste… time I’d never give back for a trillion gazillion times 4 plus infinity dollars…
I’d take an hour with you in my arms over a life where I never met you… so I wouldn’t feel this way… this… broken…
Though the pieces are scattered… I must know I’m whole
Misconceptions will destroy me…. To believe she is gone
To be a ghost in this world… my love
I think you’re gone…
What’s a lasting love
I’m going to end this one here
Imagining what it would be like to be laughing together
My world… senseless
Little memories that’ll last me a life time…
Happy knowing I can love someone this way… even if they don’t want to love me back
I must
I will…
i hope it isn't a crime to long for the only truth i want to believe
you

long night longing
what was, again
new beginnings
again
the train had stopped
got off to ponder in past obsessions
didn't know if they were healthy or not
but I dont think any of them are
a journey of steps impossible to take back
new loves with no special spark
i tend to think i've felt it all
that's what you made it seem like
how we created our past with nothing new to witness
at least that's how it seems
messages evaporated into thin ******* air
meaning nothing but everything to me
another night
longing for chances I can't even see anymore
longing for moments i'll never feel again
gone
gone
gone
like the wind that passes
old photos
still moments
i can't remember them all but i was grateful
filled with joy, nothing to regret
moments i can't seem to remember but will never forget
thank you
for caring for me
"me"
if there ever was one
an illusion to fall for
false hopes all along
because they should've never existed
i should've never hoped either
let me tell you the time
4:42 am
my eyes are droopy
my body
restless
thinking about this poem
more and more to express about someting that has died
an effect i can't ignore
something to remember
everything was once okay
and although, ultimately
everything still is
it would be better with you, by my side
darling
always
thinking about you behind emotion filled moments

he rides his bike through woods that swallow his inner most desires
he has the urge to be a servent to people with upside down smiles
he knows what he knows is a curse
he knows that knowledge is pain
he wanders streets like a tourist
he sits and cries when no ones around for no reason  but to let out emotion every once in a while
he tries to be like the same, but cant because of the huge question mark on his forehead
he talks to women like if they all had a special place in his heart
he's sorry, he just wants people to feel cared for
he makes up scenarios in his head to make himself laugh about the what if's
he kisses his mother before he goes to bed because he's scared of her not waking up the next morning
he prays for death before anyone in his family so he won't feel the pain of losing a loved one, he's lost a few already
he cant take much more honestly
he doesn't trust anyone, but gives second chances
he walks school hallways listening to uplifting music to feel superior from everyone else
he daydreams of a futures that will maybe will never come
he talks to people for experience around human culture
he plays piano to calm his anger when his knuckles can't take anymore wall punches
he writes to make worlds he can live in when he's in solitude
he listens to loud music to block out screams of attention everywhere he goes
he reads the bible for some kind of hope in words
he knows the maze in his mind but cant get out even if he tore down all the walls
he's got a problem with love, a big one
he sleeps with a ****** incase Satan wants to **** with him when he sleeps
he prays before he closes his eyes to see galaxies in the dark incase illusions ****
he believes in aliens because he doubts coincidence in world wonders
his name is David, and he aspires to be nothing but an expression

she falls short of hope

some say it's bad to not have hope

but with no hope, you tend to reach within and build self belief wth all that's left in you from that day your ego died

you build only to destroy

a beginning every second of the day

waiting for you to initiate something worth while

a great crusade in search of truth
seeking to understand myself
whatever's left i guess
the reason behind my existence
imagine reaching a goal in which we thought was what we sought
but after a certain time it proves to be illusive and delusionary
**** me
we've added more to our difficulties than we have to our solutions
but once something is solved, new problems arise
original revelations
a life uncluttered opens the doors to the inner self
vast ambitions
sounds of birth/sounds of death
(if i ever want to understand the invisible)
i must be able to find it in the visible
theology is just a mere abstraction of natural phenomenons
religion is testing the possibility of community through our relationships
philosophies based upon nature... the changing seasons
great consequences, advanced causes
the highest level is reality
the certainty of your own demise
the complicated network of truths

Practice “my” traits
Allow the knowledge to flow
I make my food
Servings of protein
Driving alone
Up and about to nowhere
My days seem endless
Distant in my room
Awaken when I see myself perform my life
But is life everything and everyone if we’re all reflections of ourselves

Performing this experience in the now... we are the crowd and dancers

I am you
But my thoughts conquer and the surface is all I see
My ego doesn’t understand
I want to love it so that it shrinks

I’m full from my meal
I miss Sabrina, my dear friend
I’m on this journey, and you’re still in it too somehow
Beauty is when the mind ends
When you just are with what’s infront of you

Cultivating in this state of loneliness

Collecting information
Input
Output
I don’t want to work tonight
The people will dance to the music
I’ll dance to our lives
But still playing my role
Shake my head right
Security
Whatever

Everything is happening in one moment
Sometimes it’s
:/
Sometimes it’s
:)
You know
Either or... it still is... “is”

When it all collapses, your spine tingles
I love my family
I love myself more these days, but it’s hard
My thoughts fall into the processors
Some seem to be “important”
I’m practicing my life
I’m experiencing it all in one
In one breath
I shift in and out
But it’s always there
Either way, I cherish the emotions
The downfalls
The glory moments

I come back to myself
I come to back to all
Behind the curtains
Behind the show
Behind the producers
Behind the mind
Underneath it all
In peace
Dancing in the stillness of it all
So much to think
They come and go
But some are part of me, they are stitched into my mind
I’m going to drink some coffee
This one is everywhere
But inside me
“Meeeee”
I miss myself sometimes
But I’m wrong to
This is fresh
I’m getting used to the handles of this acceptance
A follicle in an ocean
Vessels of ideas walking the earth, ******* each other

I would've never thought I'd fall for a girl who's fascinated by pictures of the city of Dallas
I mean my sense of affection for a girl named Denisse is very much in quantity
I think I'm married to the night, and she's married to the thought of walking around at night
In Dallas
I ask myself what hour it is when I'm around a beautiful motion
I dont notice time and I think I'm very fortunate because of that
She walks the streets and grips her iPhone to capture anything eye catching
In Dallas
And people say atheists go to hell, it bothers me so much because she's an opposition to my beliefs
And if after this life we dont see eachother, lets make memories
In Dallas
Memories will be endless galleries of kisses
In Dallas
We'll carve our names in coffee shop tables for people to know that we were there
That we were...
In Dallas

Buried in the stillness of time
I loved how I used to cry about not having anybody to share things with
Later on I found out I should cherish what other people didn't know about the mysteries of the human mind
I thought of it as a gift, not a curse
Yet at times this "gift" made me find ropes to tie around my neck
I wonder a lot, and sometimes wanderers wander to the their inner monsters
Pain has brought me to my knees, and stronger I've gotten
I guess that's why my thighs never get tired when I travel 10 blocks on my bike with nothing on my mind but the stillness of the time
When a kid opens their gift for Christmas they feel happy and hopeful
I'm scared to open my gift
I'm afraid I will explode
I'm afraid the only thing that will be seen is a letter saying how much I loved my mom and the persons I cared about and how sorry I was that I wasn't going to see them, ever again..
I'm not good at goodbyes, many people know that
I guess that's why I usually "peace out" when I leave the scene
I guess that's why I still think the earth is still greeting me to more things
The day the greet ends, I'll know to let go to mother natures handshakes
I pray to God people learn to love and care truly
I pray to God people understanding isn't fully understanding
I pray to God he takes my soul away before my mothers
I pray to God my friends read everything I have ever written so they know that the person that makes them laugh is smiling at his sadness and confusion
I pray to God society doesn't define me by what my grades are  
I pray to God I'm not thirsty or hungry before I die
I pray to God, I pray to God

I really wanted to hold your hand in the summer of 14 while driving listening to AM
I really wanted to continue our notebook of thoughts and ideas until it was full so we could put them to life
I really wanted to explore Dallas holding your hand even though you didn't fancy affection in public
I really wanted to make you smile for months and on, maybe even years
I really wanted to read to you while you rested your head on my chest
I really wanted to make you dinner at your house when you got hungry and there was nothing already cooked and ready to eat
I really wanted to be your Fred Astaire
I really wanted to play you songs on my piano when your sadness reached your beautiful soul
I really wanted you to be my 3am thoughts on how lovely you are and how much you amazed me
I really didn't want for me to be a common misconception
I really wanted to be with you, for a long time
I didn't fear loving you
I feared 'forever' ending